(The film shows the logos before the sun comes up and the scene opens with Down Under in Australia.)
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) Australia, the Land Down Under. Home of the kangaroos, koalas, didgeridoos, Sydney, and celebrities. There are 20 million kangaroos. But there's just one who seems more elusive and clever than all the rest. (the camera zooms onto Jackie Legs) And his name is Kangaroo Jack.
(The title comes up: Looney Tunes: Kangaroo Jack while the theme from Looney Tunes plays in the background as the scene flashes to Will Rogers State Beach in Burbank, California.)
Charlie Carbone: But our story doesn't begin in Australia. It begins 20 years ago, halfway around the world on a beach in Burbank, California. That's me, Charlie Carbone. Three things happened on this day that would change our lives. First, was that my mother met Sal, also known as Salvatore Maggio. She hadn't dated much since my father left the family and moved to Africa, but I could tell right away she was interested. Why shouldn't she be? Sal Maggio was a respected member of the community. Well, feared and respected. Well, feared. And that's Frankie Lombardo. Fresh out of Juvenile Hall, where they named a wing after him. Sal was grooming Frankie to take over the family business, a family we were about to become a part of. The second thing that happened was that I met Louis Booker, and then Louis and I even met our cartoon friends. That's right, their names are Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.
(Louis uses the metal detector to scan Charlie's back pocket.)
Young Louis Booker: Don't tell me. You got 75 cents in your back pocket.
Young Charlie Carbone: You're wrong. It's a Captain Amazing compass. (shows a Captain Amazing compass to Louis)
Young Louis Booker: Whoa! How much you want for it?
Young Charlie Carbone: It's not for sale. No way. Sorry. Wanna play some football?
Young Louis Booker: No. You play football. I got to check every square to this beach if I'm gonna make my car payment.
Young Charlie Carbone: You've got a car?
Young Louis Booker: No, but I will. Now, step aside. My uncle only rented me this metal detector for the day.
(And then all of a sudden, Charlie meets up with Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.)
Bugs Bunny: Eh... (chomps into his carrot) What's up, doc?
Young Charlie Carbone: Whoa. Who are you guys?
Bugs Bunny: Why, I'm Bugs Bunny, star of Looney Tunes. And that's my best friend, Daffy Duck.
Young Charlie Carbone: Wow. I'm Charlie Carbone, and it's such an honor to meet you two. I'm the biggest fan of Looney Tunes, and I'm your biggest fan.
Daffy Duck: Oh, thanks, you're just too kind. So, Charlie Carbone, huh? I love that name.
Bugs Bunny: (he and Daffy meet up with Louis Booker) And you must be the young man who uses the metal detector.
Young Louis Booker: Guilty as charged. And yes, I am. Call me Louis Booker.
Bugs Bunny: Well, it's such a pleasure to meet you, Louis. I'm Bugs Bunny, and that's Daffy Duck, and we're the stars of Looney Tunes.
Young Louis Booker: Oh, man, I'm such a huge fan of Looney Tunes. And I'm your biggest fan.
Daffy Duck: Aw, shucks. He and Charlie know everything.
(The camera swipes to a young Frankie Lombard who uses a football.)
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) And the third...
Young Frankie Lombard: Hey, kid.
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) ...most important thing that happened that day...
Young Frankie Lombard: Go long.
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) ...was that I went out for a 20-yard pass. (Frankie throws a football into the water as it floats) Unfortunately, there was only 15 yards worth of beach and a really strong undertow. And I couldn't swim.
(Charlie tries to take the football. Meanwhile, Louis's metal detector detects the Captain Amazing compass as Louis picks it up. Charlie coughs as he couldn't take the football.)
Young Louis Booker: Hey, kid! You lost your... (sees Charlie drowning) Somebody help! I think there's a kid drowning out... We'll save you! Bugs, Daffy! Help me save the kid!
Daffy Duck: No problem!
(Louis runs to the shore and takes the red cape off as Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck joins his side while "Theme from Superman" by John Williams plays in the background. They rescue Charlie Carbone and bring him to the shore. Everybody runs to see what happens.)
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) That one moment changed my life because all in the years that followed Louis Booker was a lot better at getting me into trouble than getting me out. A dreamer in search of treasure, who only found bottle caps. (young Charlie coughs and wakes up as he coughs water out of his mouth) On that fateful day, Louis, Bugs, and Daffy saved my life.
Lifeguard: You see these guys? (everyone applauds)
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) And I never forgot it.
Lifeguard: They saved your life.
(The song ends.)
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) They wouldn't let me. (the scene fades up to the Warner Bros. Studios in Burbank) And now it's 20 years later. (the text comes up and says "Warner Bros. Studios Burbank, Present Day") My new stepfather, Sal, thankfully gave a new job application to me: working as an actor at Warner Bros. Studios. He did it for my mother. Of course, his goons come in every week and take 80 percent of the profits. That, he did for himself.
(The head security guard walks over to Charlie.)
Head Security Guard: Hey, Charlie. Today's your shot. It's the last day of shooting of Warner Bros. latest production. Louis is here to see you (Louis shows up)
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) And Louis, the guy who saved my life, is now my closest friend. He thinks I can do better than this, but he also thinks he looks like Denzel Washington. Even Bugs and Daffy becomes now cartoon friends of mine and Louis's. And things would be differently loony.
(Charlie Carbone, Louis Booker, Bugs Bunny, and Daffy Duck walk with the head security guard while the opening credits roll.)
Head Security Guard: You know, your father had a job as a safari guide in Africa ever since he recently left your family.
Charlie Carbone: Of course he did. What could go wrong?
Head Security Guard: Nothing at all, Charlie. Now go get them.
Louis Booker: Charlie, the Warner brothers did Lethal Weapon Babies. Finally, a Lethal Weapon that they can take their grandchildren to see it.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, right. I thought it was catchy and funny.
Louis Booker: Of course it was, Charlie. It's no wonder that the Lethal Weapon movies are funny and epic as hell.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, yeah. Just like you knew about the Lethal Weapon movies with Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. You like the first one?
Louis Booker: Oh. So, I'm supposed to know a bunch of cartoon characters were being used to smuggle money? Look, man, today's the last day of filming of Warner Bros. latest production just like the head security guard said so. It's all really important to us.
Bugs Bunny: Eh, of course it's important, Louis.
Louis Booker: You call last day filming as a very important job, Bugs? I provide special effects and make miniatures all day, man! I need a job to become an actor like Charlie, so I can have some respect. Ain't that what Aretha said? "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"?
Charlie Carbone: Louis, don't worry about that. You're still an actor as your job. In fact, we're both actors and stuntmen.
Louis Booker: You're right about that, Charlie. Let's go to work.
Daffy Duck: Yeah, you heard the man, Charlie. We better go to work or else.
Charlie Carbone: Of course! Sorry about that. Did you see that Joe's Apartment movie? I'm in it since it was destroyed by critics. One day, the Warner Bros. decide that, "No, no, no! Joe's Apartment belongs to Paramount!"
Bugs Bunny: Listen, Charlie, if you don't mind watching Joe's Apartment, you, Daffy, Louis and I have nothing to say each other.
(The scene cuts to the city of Burbank as the truck drives downtown.)
Charlie Carbone: (while Louis drives the truck) Say, Daffy, how do you like Louis' new pet dog Waffles?
Daffy Duck: I think it's lovely and cuddly.
Charlie Carbone: Well, I'm glad you love it.
Bugs Bunny: (he types on a keyboard of a laptop as the printer prints out six tickets to Australia) Okay, I think I just printed out six airline tickets on our dream vacation to Australia.
Charlie Carbone: Really? How'd you do that?
Bugs Bunny: It was easy. I used a laptop to buy airline tickets to have them printed.
Charlie Carbone: Wow. Well, that sounds... actually usual, Bugs. I'm glad you just printed out tickets.
Louis Booker: Uh-oh. We've got company.
Daffy Duck: Louis, what is it?
Louis Booker: (looks at the mirror and sees black pursuit motorcycles) We've got pursuit motorcycles.
Bugs Bunny: Pursuit motorcycles?
Daffy Duck: Oh, this can't be good.
Bugs Bunny: Eh, how many are there, Louis?
Louis Booker: I think there's about six.
Charlie Carbone: Um, Louis, I think you should drive faster before they try to steal something.
Louis Booker: No problem, Charlie.
(Louis drives the truck faster as it outruns the six black pursuit motorcycles while the song plays "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis Presley and Junkie XL. They follow the truck as the policemen sit and have doughnuts and coffee and then they see the pursuit motorcycles follow the truck.)
Policeman #1: Holy moly! Did you just see that?
Policeman #2: Yeah, they're following the truck. Let's go.
(The policeman drives the police car to go after the six pursuit motorcycles as the police cars follow suit. The scene cuts to Louis who still drives away from the black pursuit motorcycles.)
Charlie Carbone: Bugs, you got anything to hit those motorcycle riders?
Bugs Bunny: (holds out a catapult and a baseball) A catapult?
Charlie Carbone: A catapult? I guess that should work.
Bugs Bunny: (sticks his head out the window and shoots a baseball at one of the pursuit motorcycle riders) Bullseye!
Charlie Carbone: Good work, Bugs, you got him.
Daffy Duck: I think there's just five more.
Louis Booker: You're right. Let me try that out.
(Bugs Bunny takes the wheel as Louis Booker shoots a baseball at the second pursuit motorcycle rider with a catapult as it falls off and tumbles into the subway station downstairs as people clamor and run away.)
Louis Booker: I think I got it! It's a good thing I didn't rip my lucky jacket.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, what a relief. I forgot you were wearing your lucky jacket!
(One of the four pursuit motorcycle riders sees a police car.)
Policeman: (over bullhorn) Attention, we have you surrounded! Pull over at once!
(Suddenly, another truck horn blares as it trips onto the sidewalk and slides on the street.)
Charlie Carbone: Big problem: Four more motorbikes! Bigger problem! Oh, no.
(The top of the truck breaks open as it spills fishes covered in ice.)
Louis Booker: We're gonna make it. Hold on!
Charlie Carbone: We're not gonna make it!
(Louis Booker turns right past the truck as the four pursuit motorcycles crash into fishes with ice and then the police cars stop as the doors open, and then the policemen have the four pursuit motorbike riders under arrest.)
Louis Booker: Whoo! (laughing) Now, that's what I'm talking about! That's what I'm talking about!
Charlie Carbone: I think the dog just peed on my leg. No, I think I peed on him.
Policeman: All right, we're placing you and your gang under arrest for the attempted theft and robbery in the city of Burbank, California.
(The scene goes to Sal's warehouse as the truck drives to the front door and then Louis parks it as the song ends.)
Charlie Carbone: Just pull the truck over, I'm getting out of here.
Louis Booker: You can't bail on us now! Look, I got to stash the TVs until the heat cools down.
(Charlie and Louis open the back doors and sees all the TVs in the back.)
Bugs Bunny: That's a lot of TVs.
Daffy Duck: I'm glad we just tricked the bad guys into thinking that we just stole everything.
Charlie Carbone: Me too, Daff. Let's bring all the TVs to Tommy.
Daffy Duck: Okay.
(Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck load all the TVs onto the heavy duty cart and placed the bungee cords on each side as they bring them to Tommy.)
Tommy: Hey, is that Charlie, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck?
Charlie Carbone, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck: Tommy?
Tommy: What're you guys doing here? Your father didn't say you was coming.
Charlie Carbone: Sal?
Tommy: Yeah, this is his warehouse.
Bugs Bunny: Sal's warehouse?
Daffy Duck: Oh, this can't be good at all.
Louis Booker: Me neither.
Charlie Carbone: How so?
(Suddenly, eight more pursuit gangsters show up on the rooftop as they aim guns at Charlie, Louis, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, and Tommy.)
Tommy: Hey! You brought the gangsters here, Charlie! Are you crazy?! (runs away)
Charlie Carbone: I didn't know, Tommy! I swear, I didn't know!
Daffy Duck: Run for it!
(Charlie, Louis, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck make an escape as the policemen follow them at Sal's warehouse.)
Louis Booker: Waffles, come on! (Waffles whimpers and jumps off the truck) Oh, damn!
Policeman: (over bullhorn) Attention. This is the Los Angeles Police Department. We have you surrounded. Surrender at once.
Louis Booker: Come on, Charlie! Come on, hurry up! (looks at Waffles who stops and whines) Waffles! She's frozen with fear! (runs downstairs to pick up Waffles)
Policeman #1: (continues over bullhorn) Surrender now!
Policeman #2: Get over there! Move!
Policeman #1: I repeat.
Charlie Carbone: Come on, Louis! Come on! What's wrong with you now?
Louis Booker: It's not my fault! Waffles is upset!
Charlie Carbone: Perhaps you should've thought of that before you took your dog on a crime spree! (kicks the oil drums as it blocks the stairs)
Louis Booker: Come on, girl! Let's go, let's go, let's go!
(Charlie, Louis, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck run upstairs as the criminals show up in Sal's warehouse and they hit a dead end. The policemen show up and arrest them. Charlie, Louis, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck hit a dead end.)
Charlie Carbone: Dead end, Louis. Dead end.
Louis Booker: No, it's not, Charlie. Look at this. (points his finger at the top of the chute) Think I got a way out.
Charlie Carbone: You don't even know where that goes. No!
Louis Booker: We can do this. (They hear the policemen remove the oil drum to set the stairs free) You can stay here if you want. I'm going down that chute! (runs to the chute) I love you, Mama!
(Louis Booker jumps into the chute while he screams.)
Louis Booker: Charlie!
Charlie Carbone: Louis?
(Charlie sees two policemen running to him, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, and then Charlie growls in frustration as he, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck jump into the chute as they all yell while they slide down until they splash into the water.)
Policeman #3: Not over here!
Policeman #4: Where'd they go?
Policeman #1: We lost them. Standing by for further instructions. Over.
Charlie Carbone: (pants) I think we lost them. Anything else you'd like us to help you with today?
Louis Booker: No, that's pretty much it.
Hollywood Director: And cut! Print that. That was amazing. Just absolutely amazing.
(The crew applauds as Charlie, Louis, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck emerge from the water while Louis carries Waffles.)
Daffy Duck: That's lunch, everybody!
Hollywood Director: That fish truck cost a lot of money.
Charlie Carbone: I know that, right? (looks at Batman and the Batmobile) Hey, Batman, you good? All right.
Hollywood Director: So, I guess that was the last day of filming of Warner Bros. latest production, right?
Louis Booker: Oh, yeah, that's right. And I say that's a wrap, right?
Hollywood Director: That's right, Louis. That's a wrap, indeed.
Head Security Guard: You've done it, Charlie. You've just done it. I knew you could do it. I just knew you could do it.
Charlie Carbone: Aw, thanks. I'm glad you really think so.
Head Security Guard: Ah, it's no big deal. Your mother and father would be very proud of your career.
Mr. Warner: Hey, Charlie. How'd that scene go?
Charlie Carbone: Spectacular. Just absolutely spectacular.
Mr. Warner's Brother: Well, I'm glad you just noticed that. (shakes Charlie's hand) Congratulations. We'll see you guys soon.
Charlie Carbone: Yeah, you too.
(The scene flashes to the Maggio Compound in Burbank as text comes up: "Maggio Compound, Burbank, California" and the scene cuts to the living room of the Maggio Compound as Salvatore watches the news on his TV.)
Female Reporter: That's a wrap, indeed. Today was the last day of shooting of the latest production from Warner Bros. and Looney Tunes that's simply titled Looney Tunes: Kangaroo Jack and it'll be on its way for world premiere at the Grauman's Chinese Theatre...
Salvatore Maggio: (turns off his TV) Louis Booker, you respectable loony. Were these Medieval times and you, a knight in shining armor, you would, I have no doubt, slay the maiden and save the dragon.
(Waffles growls.)
Louis Booker: Shh! Waffles!
Charlie Carbone: Sal, if we could just explain...
Salvatore Maggio: As for you, Charlie, after your father moved to Africa, I married your mother, promising her I would raise you as my son. You chose not to take the Maggio name. I didn't just complain. And when you wanted to go to acting school, as boys who lose their fathers early in life often do, you're becoming quite the most famous celebrity, aren't you?
Charlie Carbone: Of course I am, Salvatore. In fact...
Salvatore Maggio: In fact, I gave you the job application so you can become an actor at all the studios. I'm glad the last day of filming was apparently good. Were you anybody else, you'd be famous by now.
Charlie Carbone: Sal, we understand that you're the richest man.
Salvatore Maggio: (drinks a cup of water) I'm already rich, Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: Really?
Salvatore Maggio: Yes, really. A lion can raise a mouse, but the mouse is still a mouse. And you, Charlie, are that mouse. (to his goons) Look at this. He takes it. Chicken blood.
Louis Booker: Excuse me, Sal? You said he was a mouse, and he had chicken blood, so that would be mouse blood, not chicken blood. Right? (Sal looks at him annoyed; awkwardly) Go on, Sal. I'm right here if you need me.
Bugs Bunny: (fishes a clownfish) Hey, what do you know? I found Nemo. (Sal looks at him disgusted; disappointedly) My mistake. (puts Sal's clownfish back in his aquarium)
Daffy Duck: I think Sal likes you both.
Salvatore Maggio: (clears throat) The salient point is, I must continue to live with my lovely wife and tears on a pillow are a plethora to me. Anathema to me! You see what they got me doing? I can't even talk straight!
Sal's Capo: Take it easy, Sal.
Salvatore Maggio: So, Bugs Bunny, I'm glad you just printed airline tickets to your dream vacation to Australia.
Charlie Carbone: Thank you, Sal. We won't disappoint you.
Louis Booker: No, we won't.
Salvatore Maggio: Of that I'm sure. And I'll let the Warner Bros. know about that dream vacation of yours. Frankie.
(Frankie Lombardo and his men show up.)
Frankie Lombardo: Hey, kid. Go long.
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck: Frankie Lombardo?
Frankie Lombardo: That's right. You remember me back in the 1980's.
Salvatore Maggio: Why don't you fill the boys in. A mission of absolution while they're taking a dream vacation to Australia.
Frankie Lombardo: So, you're taking a dream vacation in Australia, right? That's fine with us. Here's the deal. You take this envelope to Hollywood Burbank Airport...
Charlie Carbone: No problem.
Frankie Lombardo: ...where you catch a flight for Sydney, Australia.
Charlie Carbone: Wow, that's, uh... You know, Louis has got this thing along with Bugs and Daffy.
Louis Booker: Yeah, see, uh, because my mama, she got the gout and if I'm not home to rub her feet, you know, her ankles just swell up and she can't take her house shoes off.
Charlie Carbone: (chuckles awkwardly) Yeah, this really isn't much warning.
Salvatore Maggio: You need a warning?
Charlie Carbone, Louis Booker, Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck: No.
Salvatore Maggio: Well, then...
Frankie Lombardo: From Sydney, you take the Old South Road due north to a place called Coober Pedy, where you meet a man named Mr. Smith. (gives a map to Charlie) You give this envelope to Mr. Smith. (gives the envelope of Sal's money to Charlie) Mr. Smith is expecting you no later than noon, local time. You will not be late.
Bugs Bunny: Hey, what's in the envelope? (opens the envelope)
Frankie Lombardo: (pinches Bugs by the ear unexpectedly) You will not look in that envelope under any circumstances. Understood?
Bugs Bunny: I can't hear you...
Frankie Lombardo: (shouts loud enough for Bugs to hear) UNDERSTOOD?!
Bugs Bunny: (understands Frankie better) Oh, yeah.
Frankie Lombardo: (lets Bugs go) Should you run into any problems, you can reach Mr. Smith at this phone number. (gives Mr. Smith's phone number card to Charlie)
Salvatore Maggio: I'll see you boys soon. Now get out of here. Go have lunch at a studio café with those cartoon character friends of yours.
(Cut to a studio café, where we see Porky and Speedy who discuss some issues.)
Porky Pig: At first, they told me to lose the stutter. Now they tell me I'm not funny. (sighs) It's a pain in the butt being (stutters) politically correct.
Speedy Gonzales: You're telling me.
Porky Pig: Hmm.
(Pan right to another table, where Shaggy is berating Matthew Lillard for his performance in the live-action Scooby-Doo movie. Scooby-Doo is sitting by.)
Shaggy: What kind of performance do you call that? You made me sound like a total space cadet, man!
Matthew Lillard: I'm sorry you feel that way. I was just trying to be real to your character.
Shaggy: If you, like, goof on me in the sequel, I'm coming after ya!
Scooby-Doo: Yeah, and I'll give you a Scooby Snack!
(Scooby-Doo growls viciously at Matthew Lillard. Pan right to the third table, where Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner have lunch with Charlie, Louis, Bugs, and Daffy.)
Yakko Warner: So, um, how come you, Charlie, Louis, Daffy, Porky, Speedy, and Lola go to Australia on your dream vacation?
Bugs Bunny: Well, um, we just wanted to give Salvatore Maggio's $50,000 to Mr. Smith in Coober Pedy.
Dot Warner: Uh, wait. So, you're saying you're giving that kind of money of that respected member of the community named Salvatore Maggio to Mr. Smith?
Charlie Carbone: Yes, and we're going to Australia on our dream vacation with Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Speedy, and Lola.
Wakko Warner: Wow. That sounds not too shabby. I guess Australia always makes me feel hungry. Good thing I bought a sub from Subway.
Charlie Carbone: Wait, what's in that sub, Wakko?
Wakko Warner: Oh, it's got roast beef, turkey, chicken breast, cucumbers, mustard, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, spinach, and green peppers.
Charlie Carbone: Well, that sounds... delicious.
Wakko Warner: Thanks. (chomps down on his sandwich)
Louis Booker: Hmm. I guess Wakko always has an obsession with foods.
Wakko Warner: You can say that again, Louis.
Bugs Bunny: Eh, Daffy sure knows what Australia means. I just tell him how to travel to Australia. We hug, we cry, I drop something heavy on him, I laugh.
Louis Booker: Of course, Bugs.
Charlie Carbone: Picture it, Bugs. What if we team you up with a hot female love interest named Lola Bunny?
Bugs Bunny: Usually... (changes into Marilyn Monroe and he speaks in a soft, sultry voice) I play the female love interest. (A wolf whistle sound effect plays)
Michigan J. Frog: (sings) Hello, my baby, hello, my honey, hello, my ragtime gal / Send me a kiss by wire / Baby me heart's on fire / If you refuse me, honey, you'll lose me / Then you'll be left alone / Oh, baby, telephone / And tell me I'm your own
Charlie Carbone: About the cross-dressing thing? In the past, funny. Today, disturbing.
Bugs Bunny: (changes back into himself and speaks in a normal voice) Right, I see what you mean, Charlie. (wipes the red lipstick off his face) That's better. You're right, Lola and I used to play basketball for the Tune Squad with Michael Jordan. And speaking of which, Lola happens to have been right next to me.
Lola Bunny: Hello, Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: (surprised) Oh. Uh, hello, Lola. I didn't see you there. How have you been doing?
Lola Bunny: Oh, the usual. Just had a lot of good time. How are you?
Charlie Carbone: So far, so good. Have you ever been to Australia?
Lola Bunny: Oh, um, well, I haven't.
Bugs Bunny: Well, in that case, would you like to come with us?
Lola Bunny: Absolutely.
Yakko Warner: In fact, we'll all come with you to Australia for Charlie's dream vacation. I just printed three more airline tickets myself. Can we please, Charlie?
Charlie Carbone: Sure, I don't see why not. Australia could be a dangerous place.
Bugs Bunny: Well, these (brings in his trophies) matter. And... this! (lifts up his Hollywood Walk of Fame spot) And they say we come back from our dream vacation. Right, boys?
Trophies: We love Aussie! We love Aussie! We love Aussie!
(Suddenly, the Looney Tunes ringtone plays from Charlie's Sprint PCS as Charlie answers the call and then his uncle Bailey appears on screen.)
Bailey Carbone: Charlie?
Charlie Carbone: Uncle Bailey? What are you doing on my cell phone?
Bailey Carbone: I wanted to keep you out of this, but there's no one else I can trust.
ACME Guard: There he is, stop him!
Bailey Carbone: Can you hold on a second? (fights off the ACME guards)
Charlie Carbone: Are you having a vacation in Australia?
Daffy Duck: You have an uncle named Bailey? Cool.
Bailey Carbone: Come to Sydney, Australia. Ask Britney Spears for the Blue Monkey.
Charlie Carbone: The Blue Monkey? What's a Blue Monkey?
Bailey Carbone: A diamond. Like a very special diamond. Find Britney Spears. She's performing at an ACME casino tomorrow called Yosemite Sam's Wooden Nickel in Coober Pedy.
Charlie Carbone: Hey! Uncle Bailey, you need me to call the police or something?
Bailey Carbone: (throws grenade at henchmen) No. No police.
Charlie Carbone: Uncle Bailey, are you all right?
Bailey Carbone: I'm sorry I never told you this before, but I...
(They lose the signal and Charlie's Sprint PCS turns off.)
Charlie Carbone: Uncle Bailey?
Daffy Duck: Diamond? I'm rich! (Daffy gets dollar signs in his eye, then his head morphs into a money bag with opens and spills diamonds leaving him headless, and his head pops back) I've joined the leisure class.
Charlie Carbone: We have to find my uncle Bailey.
Daffy Duck: Oh, yeah. Your uncle Bailey, yeah. So count us in!
Bugs Bunny: Me too. How's about we travel in style?
(Cut to Charlie, Louis, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot leaving a studio café.)
Louis Booker: I can't believe all that stuff happened. I'm wearing my lucky jacket.
Charlie Carbone: Lucky jacket? Louis, you've been wearing that jacket for over 10 years and luck has never even remotely come near you.
Daffy Duck: I agree. It's a new adventure I'd like to call: "Charlie Carbone's Quest for the Blue Monkey." And we're all in it.
Louis Booker: Blue Monkey?
(A paparazzi takes pictures of Charlie, Louis and his cartoon character friends traveling to the Hollywood Burbank Airport with their airline tickets. Cut to the living room of the Maggio Compound, where Sal's having lunch.)
Sal's Capo: Australia? And then they're just gonna turn around and come right back again.
Salvatore Maggio: It won't be that bad.
Sal's Capo: Yeah, why not?
Salvatore Maggio: We're giving advance premiere tickets to them when they return.
(Cut to an airplane flying over the Pacific Ocean to Sydney, Australia, text comes up: "Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean...", and then cut to inside the plane where Charlie, Louis, and his cartoon character friends sit.)
Charlie Carbone: Hey, Louis, how much time we got left?
Louis Booker: Fourteen hours.
Charlie Carbone: Man, when is the food coming? I'm starving.
Louis Booker: Don't even worry about that. I got you covered. (shows a bag of candies to Charlie) Bam! (chuckles)
Charlie Carbone: Are you, like, 4 years old?
Louis Booker: No, it's just a bag of our favorite candies. Look, there's M&M's, Skittles, Starburst, 3 Musketeers, Wrigley's, Milky Way, Maltesers, and Life Savers. Dig in.
(Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot try some of Charlie and Louis' favorite candies.)
Charlie Carbone: Thanks, Louis. I'm glad we love candy very much. And I'll take this one. (picks one of the gum sticks from the bag)
Louis Booker: Oh, good choice.
(Charlie puts a gum stick in his mouth but he feels affected as he takes it out of his mouth and gasps for breath.)
Charlie Carbone: What is that? And why is my mouth on fire?
Louis Booker: That's the Big Red gum sticks made by Wrigley's. It's made from cinnamon. (chuckles)
Charlie Carbone: Are you trying to kill me?
(Louis eats the Big Red gum stick, and doesn't feel affected.)
Louis Booker: There's nothing wrong with this. Stop acting like a baby. (puts the Big Red pack in his bag of candies)
Charlie Carbone: All right, let me up.
Louis Booker: What for?
Charlie Carbone: How many things could I possibly have to do?
Louis Booker: Oh. My bad.
(Charlie stands up and sees a female passenger as Louis holds up a can of Coca-Cola.)
Charlie Carbone: Hey, how are you doing?
Female Passenger: Good.
(Charlie walks to the bathroom and then Louis notices that the envelope is in the black purse as he secretly takes it out and opens it to reveal $50,000.)
Louis Booker: Oh, my God!
(Louis puts the money back in the envelope and walks to the bathroom.)
Louis Booker: Charlie! Can you excuse me for a second?
Lola Bunny: Sure thing.
(Louis knocks at the bathroom door.)
Charlie Carbone: Someone's in here!
Louis Booker: It's me, Charlie. (knocks again) Open up!
Charlie Carbone: (opens the door) What?
Louis Booker: (enters the bathroom and closes the door) Check this out.
Charlie Carbone: Hey, you're not supposed to open the envelope.
Louis Booker: That's, like, 50 grand.
Charlie Carbone: (sees 50 grand in the envelope) Oh, my God. Something doesn't smell right. Look at it!
Louis Booker: (as the stewardess hears the conversation from the bathroom) I know, I'm looking! I've never seen so much money in the whole, entire envelope!
Charlie Carbone: And now it's in my hands! Oh! It slipped out.
Louis Booker: Woo!
Charlie Carbone: Here, help me scoop it up.
Louis Booker: Oh, this is one big load!
Charlie Carbone: What a mess!
Louis Booker: I just wanna roll around in it!
Charlie Carbone: Hand me the rest of the money.
Louis Booker: Can I hold it?
Charlie Carbone: No! Put it back in the envelope.
Louis Booker: Maybe we should just hide it.
Charlie Carbone: (as Bugs walks to the bathroom door and hears the entire conversation) We're not gonna hide it. I'm gonna put it in my pocket, leave this room, and take it to Australia.
Louis Booker: Look, if you're gonna do that, give it here. Let me kiss it good luck.
Charlie Carbone: You're not gonna kiss it! It's bad enough you touched it!
Louis Booker: Charlie. Before you put the money away, can we go shopping while we travel in Sydney?
Charlie Carbone: I don't think so.
(Charlie and Louis see Bugs who looks stunned.)
Bugs Bunny: Eh, are you all right? I heard what was going on in the bathroom.
Charlie Carbone: No, no, no.
Louis Booker: It's not what it looks like. (chuckles nervously)
Bugs Bunny: That's what I thought.
(Cut to a montage of Sydney Harbor in Sydney, Australia as the plane lands the strip and then text comes up: "Sydney, Australia". At the TV station in the ACME building, Mr. Collins sees a picture of Charlie, Louis, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot readying to go to Australia on their dream vacation as he closes the book called "Legend of the Blue Monkey". He enters the main meeting room, where the Chairman is in.)
Mr. Chairman: This is unacceptable! We can't have all the children working in sweatshops making ACME sneakers, not even when infants work for so much less.
ACME VP, Child Labor: (pushes buzzer) But, sir, they require naps.
Mr. Chairman: Put double espresso in their sippy cups. All right, what's next on the agenda? Where's my people? What's coming up? What's the next thing? (Mr. Collins whispers in the Chairman's ear) Thank you, Vic. Grave news, my friends. Direct your attention to the video screen. (fiddles with the remote control) Cable, input, VCR, satellite. Input, satellite, tape, menu, rewind, power, on. (the footage shows Charlie's car on the road, with Daffy sticking his head out the window) Well...
Daffy Duck: Woo-hoo!
Mr. Chairman: It seems that Bailey Carbone's nephew knows about the Blue Monkey... and he is on his way to Australia. He must not find the location of the diamond before we do. (switches TV to the interrogation room, with Bailey Carbone fighting off some interrogators) How's the interrogation going so far?
ACME Interrogator: (on screen) He's about ready to crack, boss! (gets kicked by Bailey)
Mr. Chairman: Cable, input, VCR and satellite, off. (turns off TV) We cannot let the good guys win this time, people. We must capture this... Carbone stuntman... and we must locate the diamond... and use its powers for our own diabolical ends! (laughs evilly) Copy that to all departments.
Michelle Pfeiffer: Excuse me, I didn't quite get that.
Mr. Chairman: Didn't quite... Uh, something about capturing the Carbone stuntman... and using the diamond's power for our diabolical ends. Be sure and use the laugh. I like the laugh. Don't you? And what's your name, madam?
Michelle Pfeiffer: Michelle.
Mr. Chairman: Well, Michelle, how'd you like to do a little kissing later? That's what they all say at first. Soon the ACME Corporation will tower over all of creation!
ACME VPs: All of creation!
(They all laugh as the camera zooms out of the building.)
Mr. Chairman: ACME!
ACME VPs: ACME!
Mr. Chairman: ACME!
ACME VPs: ACME!
(They all laugh again, but the music stops as a button is heard being pushed.)
ACME VP, Rhetorical Questions: Wait a minute.
(The camera zooms back inside the meeting room.)
Mr. Chairman: Yes?
ACME VP, Rhetorical Questions: What about the duck?
Mr. Chairman: (walks to him) Juicy and crispy.
(Cut to Sydney Airport, the man walks through the gate.)
Airport Security Guard: Next, please.
Louis Booker: (takes a picture and chuckles) G'day, mate! G'day. (takes another one)
Charlie Carbone: Could you try not to draw the attention of the entire airport? Thank you.
Louis Booker: Why? What's wrong?
Charlie Carbone: The law states we're only allowed to have $10,000. We're all carrying $50,000 of mob money. If they find it, I'm anticipating consequences. Like, perhaps, I don't know, let's say, prison?
Louis Booker: Hey, g'day, mate! (takes another picture)
Charlie Carbone: You know what? It's my fault. I didn't keep the sentences short enough.
Speedy Gonzales: Hey, Louis heard you, Charlie, all right?
Louis Booker: Speedy's right, Charlie. Now, if you're worried, give me the money. I'll walk it through.
Charlie Carbone: Oh. Okay. Let me see, put my fate in your hands. This is such an agonizing decision. No.
Louis Booker: All right, then. Just remember, the key is to act like you don't have anything to hide, all right?
Airport Security Guard: Next, please.
Louis Booker: (chuckles) Watch the master. (takes a picture of Charlie and he chuckles) G'day!
(Louis walks to the airport security guard and Charlie sighs disgustedly.)
Louis Booker: Oh, hey. How are you doing?
Airport Security Guard: Doing good. How are you?
Louis Booker: I'm all right.
(The conversation fades as Charlie watches them interact with each other and they high five each other. Charlie looks at a man from New Zealand who nods his head. Louis takes the fifth picture with the airport security guard.)
Louis Booker: G'day, mate.
Airport Security Guard: Next, please.
(Charlie picks up his stuff and walks to the airport security guard with Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot.)
Charlie Carbone: (in Australian accent) G'day, mate.
(Cut to the customs room as two guards resist a shirtless Charlie against the window while the custom guard looks at Charlie's hairdressing scissors.)
Charlie Carbone: They're my hairdressing scissors. They're my hairdressing scissors! (The customs guard shakes Charlie's stuff out of his backpack) I can, uh... I can explain about that money.
Customs Guard: You will explain... (holds up Charlie's money) $63?
(Flash to the arrivals gate at Sydney Airport, Charlie, now clothed, catches up with Louis, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot.)
Charlie Carbone: Louis! I lost the money.
Louis Booker: What?
Charlie Carbone: I lost the money, Salvatore Maggio's money!
Louis Booker: Hey, Charlie, calm down, all right? The trick is not to look suspicious. Make them watch this hand... (shows the envelope) instead of this one.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, my God!
Louis Booker: (laughs) Had you going, didn't I?
Charlie Carbone: That is not funny, Louis!
Louis Booker: Get in the car, baby!
(Charlie, Louis, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot enter the Jeep Wrangler.)
Charlie Carbone: What's that supposed to be, a Jeep?
Louis Booker: Yes, it's like the Cadillac of the Outback.
(Charlie and the group laugh as the airport service man takes a picture of them. Cut to the Old South Road, Louis drives to Coober Pedy while the song "Down Under" by Colin Hay plays in the background and then the song fades.)
Louis Booker: You know, Charlie, this mysterious Mr. Smith we're gonna meet? I don't think that's his real name.
Charlie Carbone: Nothing escapes you, Louis.
Bugs Bunny: What's eating you, Charlie? Don't tell us that it's about that girl on the plane.
Charlie Carbone: No, it's more than that.
Louis Booker: Hey, hey! Coober Pedy! Right here!
Charlie Carbone: I got it, I got it, I got it. (turns left to Coober Pedy) Here we go. Here we go. Let's face it, everyone, I'm never gonna find the right girl.
Daffy Duck: You have to stop it with that "never" stuff, Charlie. Two days ago, we never thought we'd be in Australia, but we're here now!
(Daffy sings "Down Under" and laughs.)
Bugs Bunny: Come on, give a beat to us, Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: Come on, play with the radio.
Louis Booker: Come on, man! I wanna play with you. Give us a beat, man!
(Charlie beatboxes "Down Under" as Louis raps "Lose Yourself" while Charlie puts on his sunglasses as "Down Under" resumes and the group sings along to the song until suddenly, they hit something with a thump and then Charlie stops the Jeep Wrangler. They come out of the Jeep Wrangler as the camera pans down to an unconscious kangaroo.)
Louis Booker: What the hell?
Charlie Carbone: Oh, my God. I think I killed a kangaroo. I never saw it. It's such a beautiful animal. It's the national symbol of Australia, and I killed it.
Louis Booker: Don't worry about that, Charlie. I read it in the book that the kangaroos are the rodents of the Outback. We cool!
Charlie Carbone: Shouldn't we bury it or something?
Louis Booker: No, look, man. My uncle has only one rule: Whenever you hit something, you keep on rolling. So let's roll.
Charlie Carbone: I can't just leave it in the middle of the road. I got to at least pull it off to the side.
Louis Booker: Oh, you're pulling it by yourself, then.
Charlie Carbone: God, I'm dreadfully sorry, little buddy. (struggles to carry a kangaroo)
Louis Booker: Charlie, don't move. Stay right there. (quickly takes his camera)
Charlie Carbone: Louis, what are you doing? Louis?
Louis Booker: You guys look so adorable. (takes a picture) G'day, mate!
Charlie Carbone: Stop that, Louis.
Louis Booker: Hey, Charlie, hold on! Hold on, hold on. You know who he looks like? Jackie Legs! Jackie Legs from Canarsie with the goatee! Always wears sunglasses!
Charlie Carbone: What are you talking about?
Daffy Duck: Hold on. Look. (takes Charlie's sunglasses and puts them on Jackie Legs) Okay, look at it. Right there. Look at it. (chuckles)
Charlie Carbone: Jeez, that is Jackie Legs. (laughs)
(Louis takes one picture of Charlie and Jackie Legs.)
Charlie Carbone: All right, enough, Louis. Help me here.
Louis Booker: Uh-uh. (places the camera strap on his neck) It's lucky jacket time. (takes his lucky jacket off)
(Cut to Louis who opens the tailgate of the Jeep Wrangler.)
Charlie Carbone: Come on, Louis, have some respect. It's bad enough we ran him over.
(Louis and Jackie Legs sit on the tailgate of Jeep Wrangler.)
Louis Booker: Ooh! (takes Jackie's neck) Come on, man, just one for the Hollywood crew.
Charlie Carbone: (sighs) All right, just one. (he, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot catch up) But let's make this quick.
Louis Booker: Stay up there, big boy. Say "cheese." (takes one picture of him, Charlie, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, Dot, and Jackie Legs)
Charlie Carbone: All right, come on, let's get this jacket off. We got things to do, Louis.
Louis Booker: Hey, come on, Charlie. One more. (Charlie sighs in frustration) This could be our Christmas card.
Bugs Bunny: (sees Kangaroo Jack waking up) Eh, Louis?
Louis Booker: What? What's wrong? (sees Kangaroo Jack regain consciousness and screams)
Kangaroo Jack: (bellows)
(Louis hops off the tailgate and goes behind Charlie.)
Louis Booker: Charlie. (Kangaroo Jack jumps off the tailgate) Jeez!
(Kangaroo Jack sways Charlie's sunglasses off.)
Charlie Carbone: Hey, look. We didn't hurt him after all. (walks closer to Kangaroo Jack)
Louis Booker: It looked like we did. (chuckles nervously)
Charlie Carbone: You're the friendliest kangaroo, aren't you? (Kangaroo Jack stands tall) Hey, you're still tall and alive.
Kangaroo Jack: Yeah, I'm still alive. Love the jacket, Charlie. It's hard to get something that fits my shoulders. Nice! How'd you know red was my favorite color?
Charlie Carbone: (surprised) You can talk!
Kangaroo Jack: (puts on Charlie's sunglasses) And I can sing.
(Kangaroo Jack sings "Le Freak" as the song plays the same song by CHIC.)
Charlie Carbone: This is great. (Kangaroo Jack continues to sing "Le Freak") Jackie? Mr. Legs? If you could just find your way clear to give us directions to Mr. Smith who wants Salvatore Maggio's $50,000, can you take us to Yosemite Sam's Wooden Nickel, an ACME casino so I can ask Britney Spears about the Blue Monkey?
Kangaroo Jack: The Blue Monkey? What's a Blue Monkey?
Charlie Carbone: It's a very special diamond so ACME can use its power for their own diabolical ends.
Kangaroo Jack: Oh, I see what you're saying. You want me to take you to Yosemite Sam's Wooden Nickel in Coober Pedy so I can let you ask Britney Spears about it, right?
Charlie Carbone: Uh, yeah.
Kangaroo Jack: Well, then. How about you follow me to Coober Pedy so I can take you all to a casino? I heard she's performing tonight. Let's roll.
Louis Booker: You heard Jackie, Charlie. Let's roll.
Charlie Carbone: Okay.
(Cut to Kangaroo Jack who hops his way to Coober Pedy as they make it to Yosemite Sam's Wooden Nickle, an ACME casino, which transitions to Charlie, Louis, Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Speedy, and Lola inside the Wooden Nickel casino while the song plays "Who Let the Dogs Out" by Baha Men.)
Daffy Duck: Woo-hoo! Coober Pedy! Smell that, Charlie? That's the sweet aroma of money, glamour, and busload upon busload of senior citizens.
Charlie Carbone: Cool it, Daffy. It could be dangerous.
Daffy Duck: Right, we find Britney Spears, save your uncle, apply kung fu liberally as needed. (does some kung fu moves)
(Meanwhile in his office, casino owner Yosemite Sam is with the ACME Chairman on the screen while Mr. Collins stands by.)
Mr. Chairman: Under no circumstances are you to allow the Carbone Stuntman and his friend cohorts out of the casino in one piece. Is that clear?
Yosemite Sam: Okay. You want the varmints and what they come for. I got you. But what's in it for old Sam? (Mr. Collins shows a huge chest full of golden objects that gave his attention, as he slams the chest cover on Sam repeatedly) I got you.
(Cut back to Charlie, Louis, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, and Speedy.)
Speedy Gonzales: Did you know that Britney Spears made a couple of hit songs from their albums in the past?
Charlie Carbone: I know. She's the best singer, remember?
Porky Pig: Of course he's the best singer. I mean, she's the best singer.
Charlie Carbone: Precisely.
Daffy Duck: Of course Porky mentioned it. What could go wrong?
Foghorn Leghorn: I say, listen up, y'all. Please put your greasy, buffet-shoveling hands together for our next act. If you've heard her before, you're not here now. So, I say, let me introduce you to Miss Britney Spears.
(Britney Spears performs "If You Want It to Be A Good Boy (Get Yourself a Bad Girl)" Daffy's eyeballs pop out and roll onto his beak. Charlie tries going backstage to talk to her.)
Charlie Carbone: Hey. Britney! Hey, Britney. Can I talk to you?
(Charlie goes unnoticed, and as he observes some Yosemite Sam dancers, he snatches one of them.)
Yosemite Sam Dancer: What the... Let go of me!
(Charlie appears onstage, dancing with a Yosemite Sam mask.)
Daffy Duck: What?
Charlie Carbone: Britney, I need to talk to you. I'm Charlie Carbone, your biggest fan.
Britney Spears: What? How do I know it's you? (Charlie pulls down his mask, winking at Dusty with a flashing grin) Oh. You're one of my fans.
Charlie Carbone: Is there someplace we can talk?
(Cut to Britney Spears' changing room.)
Britney Spears: Excuse me, I have to change.
Daffy Duck: Okay, toots, hand over the diamond.
Britney Spears: You brought a goose?
Daffy Duck: It's duck, thank you.
Charlie Carbone (peeps inside) Hi.
Daffy Duck: You again.
(Cut to Yosemite Sam slapping his goons Nasty Canasta and Cottontail Smith with his hat.)
Yosemite Sam: Listen up, you darn imbeciles! We gotta get them varmints and what they come for!
Cottontail Smith: And then we blast them?
Yosemite Sam: Then we blast them.
(Cut back to Daffy and Charlie, the duck searches around the place.)
Daffy Duck: Now if I were a giant diamond, where would I be? (ducks under a table, where his beak is ensnared in a mouse trap) Ow. Well, not there.
Charlie Carbone: So, my, uh, uncle Bailey's in trouble...
Daffy Duck: Not here.
Charlie Carbone: ...and, uh, he said that I should ask you about the Blue Monkey.
Britney Spears: So then you know?
Charlie Carbone: Definitely. Yes.
Britney Spears: I figured something must have happened when he didn't show up. I'm sorry, but that's what comes with being a spy.
Charlie Carbone: So, you're, um, one of the spies?
Britney Spears: (chuckles) The pop diva thing? That's just one side of me. I also work for the Agency. Professional assassin. It's really hard trying to juggle the two sometimes. I don't know what I'll do when I have kids. Do you know how hard it is to find a nanny with advance weapons training?
(Britney Spears has now been dressed up in her spy suit.)
Daffy Duck: Woo-hoo! How many galoshes died to make that little number?
Charlie Carbone: What about this Blue Monkey?
Britney Spears: Your uncle Bailey was assigned to track it down before the chairman could. The diamond has supernatural powers. It would be a disaster if it fell into the wrong hands. I was supposed to give him this. (hands a playing card to Charlie, but Daffy snatches it)
Daffy Duck: This is not a king-sized diamond. This is a queen of diamonds. What kind of sick joke is this?
(Britney karate-chops Daffy in the neck.)
Charlie Carbone: Can I have that?
Daffy Duck: Very funny.
Britney Spears: That's really sweet. You trying to take over for your uncle. These evil forces? They're bad people.
Daffy Duck: Relax, sister. I don't know the meaning of the word "fear."
(After Daffy Duck opens the door, it shows Yosemite Sam preparing his cannon along with Nasty Canasta and Cottontail Smith.)
Yosemite Sam: Say your prayers, duck!
Daffy Duck: Fear: Noun. A state of terror. (screams terrified)
Charlie Carbone: Incoming!
(As Charlie jumps and saves Britney Spears from getting shot by a cannon, Daffy Duck closes the door, but unfortunately gets shot by Yosemite Sam's cannon as he flies. In the next scene, there are four ladies preparing themselves for the next act, until the cannonball where Daffy is pushed by it, destroys the door as they wonder what it's doing here and somehow the cannonball returns and stops just for Daffy to whistle at the ladies that they freak out. Next scene shows ladies dancing while Daffy is pushed by that cannonball as it sends him to a fire extinguisher where it explodes and causes massive foam and Daffy gets stuck.)
Britney Spears: This mission like this needs years of of experience and training.
Charlie Carbone: (while he holds the playing card) Maybe. I ain't got time for that right now. (then he runs) I'm gonna go save my uncle.
Britney Spears: Don't lose that card. It's important.
(Yosemite Sam and his henchmen are ready to pursue Charlie and Daffy Duck.)
Yosemite Sam: After him, boys!
(Then he ends up tripping on a chair and falls. Britney Spears gets up and knocks out Nasty Canasta and Cottontail Smith as they pass out. Charlie walks on and grabs Daffy to clean him up by rubbing him in the wall.)
Daffy Duck: Easy on the feathers.
Yosemite Sam: Come back here, you card-carrying coyotes!
(He ends up slipping on a banana peel, but then he gets up to shoot it.)
Yosemite Sam: Dadburn slapstick cliché!
Daffy Duck: Faster! Faster! Climb like my life depended on it. (as he runs, he holds himself on Charlie's head while DJ climbs and runs.) You run, I'll steer. Right! I mean, left. (He hits a column) Your other left.
Charlie Carbone: Daffy!
(Cottontail Smith hits Charlie with his arm and makes him fall down, and Daffy flies to a golden statue)
Cottontail Smith: That's what I'm talking about, you snake!
(Then he kicks Cottontail Smith and gets up. Daffy hides in fear behind the golden statue.)
Cottontail Smith: Is that all you got?
(Charlie punches Cottontail in the face and then elbows him in the stomach, knocking him out.)
Daffy Duck: That's gonna leave a mark.
(Then Nasty Canasta comes and grabs him into the wall.)
Daffy Duck: That's not boxing. Bite his ear!
(Charlie manages to free himself from Nasty after punching him. He prepares his Bren-Master skills and fights him. While Daffy cheers for DJ, DJ gets punched, then he punches back, kicks him in the gut and he finally knocks him out.)
Daffy Duck: Left and a right and a left and a right-left!
(Cottontail Smith tries to hit Charlie with a chair, but Charlie dodges it)
Cottontail Smith: I'm gonna come up on you.
(Charlie punches Cottontail Smith twice and makes him fall to a moneybox that scares people. Nasty Canasta gets up and punches Charlie that he hit a column bar. Then Nasty grabs Charlie)
Nasty Canasta: I'll take that playing card.
(Charlie grabs Nasty's arm to prevent him from carrying the playing card. Then after struggling, Charlie headbutts Nasty as the playing card flies away. Then Charlie gets grabbed by Nasty until Charlie kneels him in his groin, knocking him out.)
Daffy Duck: After it, stunt boy.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, man.
Daffy Duck: Jump! Jump!
(And Charlie jumps further, but not further enough to hang on the chandelier, instead he screams and falls on the bet table where Looney dogs are playing poker, destroying it and making the dogs bark. Then the card flies itself into a card betting machine. Charlie and Yosemite Sam rush to the table with Foghorn as the dealer.)
Foghorn Leghorn: All right, when I say, place your bets, gentlemen. Money plays, loser stays. Everyone's a... Not everyone.
Yosemite Sam: Here's my money. (drops a bag of cash) Now play.
Foghorn Leghorn: Card, sir?
DJ Drake: Hit me.
Foghorn Leghorn: Don't you want to look at your card first, son? Boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball.
Charlie Carbone: Hit me.
(Foghorn gives Charlie a card.)
Yosemite Sam: No, hit me first!
Foghorn Leghorn: I said await your turn, sir.
Charlie Carbone: Hit me.
(Foghorn gives Charlie more cards as he says "Hit me" again and again.)
Yosemite Sam: No, no, no! Hit me, fragnabbit!
(Foghorn hits Sam with a wooden plank.)
Foghorn Leghorn: He's the boss.
Yosemite Sam: You son of a--
Foghorn Leghorn: Card, sir?
Charlie Carbone: Hit me.
(Finally, Foghorn gives Charlie the Queen of Diamonds.)
Foghorn Leghorn: Twenty-one, a winner!
Daffy Duck: Let's go! "And then they made their heroic escape!"
(He runs into the door and DJ grabs Daffy as they get out of the casino.)
Daffy Duck: I say we do Sydney Opera House and call it a night. How about World Square?
(Charlie, Louis, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, and Speedy get into the Jeep Wrangler.)
Daffy Duck: All right, now let's see what the Jeep Wrangler can really do.
(Charlie starts the Jeep Wrangler and then Kangaroo Jack shows up.)
Kangaroo Jack: So, how'd it go, Charlie?
Charlie Carbone: It went fantastic, and I got the playing card. (shows the Queen of Diamonds to Kangaroo Jack)
Kangaroo Jack: Now that's what I'm talking about.
Yosemite Sam: Come back, you absconders! Watch yourself, ma'am. (kisses his rug) I love this rug. Come back here, you varmints!
Kangaroo Jack: Uh-oh. I say, we better go to the saloon and have a drink before they take $50,000.
Charlie Carbone: Great idea! You drive, Bugs!
(Bugs drives the Jeep Wrangler to the saloon. Cut to a famous NASCAR driver, Jeff Gordon, who speaks to a valet.)
Jeff Gordon: It's a modified Chevrolet with a big 24 on the side.
(The valet parks his race car.)
Yosemite Sam: Out of the way, fancy boy. I'm a-commandeering this here clown car. After them, boys!
(Nasty Canasta and Cottontail Smith both get into the car.)
Cottontail Smith: Shotgun!
(Sam chases after the car before getting in.)
Yosemite Sam: Rag-flagging ragtag sidekicks!
(Cut to Charlie and the group in the Jeep Wrangler, Charlie furiously whacks Louis' arm while the song plays "It's Gonna Be Me" by *NSYNC.)
Charlie Carbone: (angrily) WHO PUTS A JACKET WITH 50,000 ON A KANGAROO?!
Louis Booker: A DEAD KANGAROO! HE WAS DEAD, CHARLIE!
Yosemite Sam: Out of my way! (runs into a souvenir stand) Dagnabbit!
Charlie Carbone: You should have just let me drown, Louis! I mean it! When you have the chance, you should have just let me drown!
(Yosemite Sam chases Charlie and the group as Louis sees him in the mirror.)
Louis Booker: Look, here they come! Charlie, here they come! Right there! I see you now, suckers!
Charlie Carbone: Go, go, go! Drive faster, Bugs! Drive faster! Go, go go!
(Nasty Canasta lights a match and uses it to light a stick of dynamite.)
Louis Booker: Dynamite? Who has dynamite?
Daffy Duck: Welcome to my world.
(Nasty Canasta laughs evilly.)
Charlie Carbone: Hang on.
(Bugs drives the Jeep backwards through the desert of Coober Pedy. Cut to Yosemite Sam while he drives as he has the dynamite still lit.)
Yosemite Sam: Throw it out the window! Throw it out! Throw it out!
Nasty Canasta: But innocent people could be hurt.
Yosemite Sam: Throw it out the window!
Cottontail Smith: It'll send the wrong message to children.
Yosemite Sam: Throw it out-
(Then the dynamite explodes on them, and Yosemite Sam grunts in anger. Eventually, as the heroes stop in the middle of the Old South Road, the baddies appear in front of them.)
Lola Bunny: Didn't he use to be behind us?
(They drive away from the bad guys. They're about to run into a wall while Bugs and Daffy sign their wills.)
Yosemite Sam: We're having duck tonight, boys. (laughs)
Bugs Bunny: Eh, just a suggestion, but all those in favor of not hitting that wall say "aye."
All: Aye!
Daffy Duck: Granny.
Jeep GPS: Taking you to Granny.
(Jeep Wrangler enables the rocket propellers to fly after Kangaroo Jack hops on the roof. Yosemite Sam keeps driving as they notice, DJ flies on his spy car. Yosemite Sam realizes he's about to hit the wall.)
Yosemite Sam: Uh-oh.
(Then they hit the wall, breaking it as the dancers ran because they get scared. After the car lands on the stage, it makes Yosemite Sam fly to the electric logo after breaking the car window. Yosemite Sam gets electrocuted by the electric logo sign that sent him to a dangerous dark area where TNT is in that room. Then Yosemite Sam turns on a match just to realize he makes a mistake because there are lot of TNT and then he groans. Then the TNTs exploded around him that they made him fly with his pants on fire as he screams and flies like a shooting star.)
Bugs Bunny: Oh, look, a shooting star. Quick, everybody make a wish.
Daffy Duck: You know, I'm beginning to think that the Jeep Wrangler could fly like that.
Louis Booker: Seriously?
(The Jeep Wrangler flies away from Coober Pedy to Alice Springs. Flash to Alice Springs, text comes up: "Alice Springs, Central Australia" as the Jeep Wrangler sticks the landing and turns back to normal. Charlie and the group come out of Jeep Wrangler as they make it to Bojangles Saloon & Dining Room.)
Charlie Carbone: (looks at the sign) Bojangles Saloon & Dining Room.
Kangaroo Jack: Now there's something you don't see every day. (smells something in the left pocket of Louis' lucky jacket and picks up a Twizzler) Hey, what do you know? It's a Twizzler. Does this place even allow animals at all?
Charlie Carbone: Uh... (sees another sign that says "No Animals Allowed") I don't think so. (gets an idea) Wait. That's it! Jackie, I have an idea. You're wearing Louis' lucky jacket, right?
Kangaroo Jack: Well, yes, why's that?
Charlie Carbone: Answer. What if you could wear a disguise to go into the saloon?
Kangaroo Jack: Actually, that sounds like the best idea. (puts a toupee on his head and a skirt on his legs) How do I look?
Charlie Carbone: You look remarkable, Jackie.
Kangaroo Jack: Yes, I do. I look like one of the Backstreet Boys.
Charlie Carbone: Not bad.
(Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot wear disguises.)
Charlie Carbone: All right, let's buy some beer so we can catch the end of the Knicks game.
(Charlie and the group enter Bojangles Saloon & Dining Room as they walk to a bartender.)
Charlie Carbone: Ten beers. Big beers.
Louis Booker: I'm gonna call Mr. Smith, let him know there's been a slight delay.
Charlie Carbone: Slight delay?
Louis Booker: Yeah. But we're working on it, all right? Give me his number.
(Charlie gives Mr. Smith's number to Louis.)
Louis Booker: Hey, uh, where's your phone?
Bartender: Around near the dunnies.
Louis Booker: You guys have a Denny's?
Bartender: No, the dunny. The bog trough? The long drop? The thunder box?
Louis Booker: You know what? Um, I'm just gonna look for it by the bathroom.
(Louis looks for the phone by the bathroom as Charlie drinks the whole beer.)
Blue: Now, there's a yank that can drink. Any yank that can drink is all right with me. (walks closer to Charlie) G'day. My name is Blue. (pats Charlie's back)
Charlie Carbone: Charlie.
Blue: (chuckles) Nice to meet you, Chaza.
Charlie Carbone: Charlie.
Blue: That's what I said, Chaza.
(Cut to Louis who uses the phone to call Mr. Smith.)
Louis Booker: We're only two hours late. He should be a reasonable and understanding man.
(The line rings and connects.)
Mr. Smith: (on phone) What?
Louis Booker: Uh, yeah, you might not know me, but-
Mr. Smith: Where are you bludgers?
(Cut to Mr. Smith in the back of Bullamakanka as he calls Louis.)
Mr. Smith: I'm out here in the back of Bullamakanka up to me ears in heat stroke...
(Cut back to Louis at Bojangles Saloon & Dining Room.)
Mr. Smith: ...waiting for you two yanks. Where's me package?
Louis Booker: Uh... it's been safely taken care of by a kangaroo.
(Cut back to Mr. Smith in the back of Bullamakanka.)
Mr. Smith: I don't reckon you respect me very much. First you let a bloody kangaroo deliver my package and now you're on the phone...
(Cut back to Louis at Bojangles Saloon & Dining Room.)
Mr. Smith: ...razzing me about it.
Louis Booker: Your package is in my lucky jacket! I swear! We're gonna bring it to you!
(Cut back to Mr. Smith in the back of Bullamakanka.)
Mr. Smith: You'd be a banger short of a barbie if you didn't, when I find you! You better get ready to cough it up, otherwise, I'll chop you into snags and feed you to the crocs.
(Cut back to Louis at Bojangles Saloon & Dining Room.)
Louis Booker: Mr. Smith?
Mr. Smith: Have a nice day.
(Cut back to Mr. Smith in the back of Bullamakanka as he ends the call and looks at his phone number as it says "Bojangles Saloon".)
Mr. Smith: One of me favorites. (walks back to the Jeep)
(Cut back to Louis at Bojangles Saloon & Dining Room as he hangs up the phone. He picks up the phone pages and looks it up.)
Louis Booker: A kangaroo. A kangaroo. Kangaroo... (looks at Outback Wildlife Foundation at the phone page) Wildlife Foundation.
(Louis tears the page up as he folds it and puts it in his pocket as takes his glass of beer, and then he walks to Charlie, Blue, and Charlie's group.)
Charlie Carbone: Oh, Louis, this is Blue. Blue, this is Louis.
Louis Booker: Hey, Blue.
Charlie Carbone: What'd Mr. Smith say?
Louis Booker: He was nice. He said everything was cool.
Charlie Carbone: Really?
Louis Booker: He did say that we should do our best to help Jackie Legs bring the package to Mr. Smith.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, right. The package.
Blue: Ah, the package! (drinks a shot of whiskey)
Louis Booker: Uh, Charlie? Order me another drink. I got a plan.
(Louis walks outside as Charlie and the group look back. Cut to the main meeting room of ACME building.)
Mr. Chairman: Where's Yosemite Sam? (Yosemite Sam appears tied up to the ceiling) What's your report?
Yosemite Sam: Uh, Mr. Chairman, it wasn't me. It was that razzan-frazzan duck and that crazy stuntman Charlie and a humina-humina Britney Spears and that talking kangaroo Jackie Legs.
Mr. Chairman: You know, that makes a lot of sense. Thank you very much. (pulls up Yosemite Sam and causes him to hit the ceiling while Mr. Collins pulls down Bailey's cage) Now, Mr. Carbone, are you gonna save us the bother of eliminating your dear nephew?
Bailey Carbone: My nephew's gonna kick your evil butt.
(He tries to reach his hands toward the chairman, but he is restrained. A buzzer is pressed.)
Chairman's Dad: Mr. Chairman!
Mr. Chairman: Yes, Dad.
Chairman's Dad: Desert operative.
ACME VPs: No.
Mr. Chairman: Not a bad idea, Dad. (the VPs lighten up) Our desert operative is due for a win.
(We cut to the desert where Wile E. Coyote chases after the Road Runner.)
Road Runner: Hmeep hmeep! Hmeep hmeep!
(As the coyote chases him down, a phone rings on a cactus. When the coyote stops in place, Caption reads below him in Fido font- COYOTE: DESERTUS-OPERATUS-IDIOTICUS appears below. He answers the phone while holding a sign saying “Hello”, as the scene cuts to him spying on the heroes at Bojangles Saloon.)
Bugs Bunny: I told you that Coober Pedy reminds us of Albuquerque.
Kangaroo Jack: What's Albuquerque?
(Wile E. grins evilly at the sight & runs off to order a missile launcher from ACME. As he purchases the product, he perks up when he realizes the package can be delivered to him in a gift wrap. He agrees to have the product delivered that way & has it shipped to him instantly. Unfortunately, the gift box drops on him.)
Road Runner: Hmeep hmeep!
(Wile E. pulls out a sign reading "Ouch". The scene cuts to Outback Wildlife Foundation where a sign says "Closed" as Louis knocks on the door but there's no one in there.)
Louis Booker: This isn't my day. (walks to the tub, turns the water on and washes his hands and his face as he drinks from his hands)
Jessie Carbone: You mind leaving a little for the camels?
Louis Booker: You're American.
Jessie Carbone: And you're drinking water that comes from a stagnant pond.
Louis Booker: I'm from Brooklyn. I've had a lot worse. My name is Louis.
Jessie Carbone: (shakes Louis' hand) Name's Jessie.
Louis Booker: Nice to meet you.
Jessie Carbone: (picks up a cage of two bilbies) Wanna give me a hand?
Louis Booker: Okay. (takes the cage and looks at two bilbies) Ooh. No offense, but these are the ugliest rabbits I've ever seen.
Jessie Carbone: They're called bilbies. They're almost extinct. In fact, it's up to these guys to repopulate the entire Devil's Marbles area.
Louis Booker: Somebody's gonna be having fun tonight!
(Louis and Jessie laugh.)
Jessie Carbone: That's the plan.
Louis Booker: Looks like you're gonna need more bilbies, though.
Jessie Carbone: Well, if the foundation I work had more money...
Louis Booker: You mean the Wildlife Foundation?
Jessie Carbone: Mm-hmm.
Louis Booker: You work here?
Jessie Carbone: Yeah.
Louis Booker: Oh, thank you, Lord! This is great! Look, I need some help. See, I put my lucky jacket on the back of a talking kangaroo who came to life and helped Charlie and the group escape from the dangers of ACME Corporation.
Jessie Carbone: (chuckles) You do need help.
Louis Booker: No, no, no, I mean for real. Can you help me?
Jessie Carbone: Do you have any idea where a kangaroo is?
Louis Booker: No clue.
Jessie Carbone: It seems to me you need an airplane. You need a GPS to help...
Louis Booker: Huh?
Jessie Carbone: You need a list.
(Cut to the front door of Bojangles Saloon, Kangaroo Jack talks to Bugs Bunny.)
Kangaroo Jack: Say, have you ever noticed that a Twizzler tastes like strawberries? (smells something) I wonder what's in that pocket. (places his teeth onto a Twizzler) Oh, look. Another one. (he spins the Twizzler back and forth) Left. Right. Straight. (eats the Twizzler) Mmm. Not too bad at all. It does taste like strawberries.
Bugs Bunny: Eh, it's a living.
(Cut to the bar at Bojangles Saloon as Charlie and the men watch Blue drink one last shot of whiskey.)
Charlie Carbone: Come on, come on, come on! He's got it.
(Blue places a shot glass onto the table and the men cheer.)
Louis Booker: (enters the bar) Charlie! Charlie! Come here, man. Come here!
Charlie Carbone: Give me one sec, guys. (walks to Louis) You've got to see this guy drink. He's unbelievable!
Louis Booker: I figured out how we're gonna give money to Mr. Smith. (shows a GPS to Charlie)
Charlie Carbone: First we hit it with a Jeep and now you want to buy a GPS?
Louis Booker: No. Jessie gave it to me. Her name's Jessie. (shows a pair of rocket pants to Charlie) This is a pair of rocket pants. Plus, liquid hydrogen rocket pockets, here and here. And here's one cellphone. It looks like an ordinary cell phone. Three-way calling, voice dialing, downloadable ringtones. Superconducting electromagnet. GPS with mapping software, tip calculator, Gameboy.
Daffy Duck: Gameboy?
Louis Booker: High-powered laser. Polycarbonate rappelling line with jet-propelled micro grappling hook. Nose hair trimmer. You always want to look your best.
Charlie Carbone: Oh. Yeah. Jessie. That's a spy gadget cellphone.
(Granny and Tweety Bird show up.)
Granny: Hello, Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: Oh. Hey, Granny.
Tweety Bird: How was work in Hollywood?
Charlie Carbone: Eventful, actually.
Granny: What a nice young man. How can we be of service?
Charlie Carbone: Well, my group and I wonder if you could take us to Mr. Smith. He wants Salvatore Maggio's $50,000, so I can ask him about the Blue Monkey.
Granny: Oh, yes. Mr. Smith, huh? That's interesting.
Louis Booker: Jessie told me the best way to get to Mr. Smith is by air. A number to a bush plane that we can hire.
Charlie Carbone: (smiles) I like it.
Louis Booker: Let's go call.
(Charlie and Louis walk to the phone.)
Charlie Carbone: If I didn't know you better, I'd say this is a honey of a plan.
Louis Booker: Dang skippy.
(Blue walks over to Louis and his hand places on Louis' shoulder.)
Blue: (drunkenly) Excuse me, mates. Got to point Percy at the porcelain.
(Blue falls down to the floor with a thud.)
Charlie Carbone: Gee, almost made it.
Louis Booker: Hmm. (calls the pilot's number) Pilot's personal number.
(Charlie and Louis hear Blue's cell phone ring. Charlie walks to Blue and picks up his cell phone from his shirt pocket as he answers it.)
Charlie Carbone: Louis?
Louis Booker: Uh-huh?
Charlie Carbone: Do you have a backup plan?
Louis Booker: Uh-uh.
(Cut to Blue's plane named Flying Dingo IV as it flies to the landing strip in Coober Pedy while the song plays "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" by C&C Music Factory feat. Freedom Williams plays in the background as the Jeep Wrangler flies with Blue's Flying Dingo IV.)
Charlie Carbone: I sure hope the two pots of coffee and the Red Bull we gave him were enough! Hey, man! How're you doing up there?
Blue: Never better, mate! Why do you ask?
Louis Booker: No reason. It's just that you were passed out an hour ago.
Blue: That's just me morning ritual, mate.
Charlie Carbone: I couldn't help but notice that this is the Flying Dingo IV. What happened to the I, II, and III?
(Blue laughs as they fly to the landing strip in Coober Pedy. Cut to the office of Salvatore Maggio at the Maggio Compound back in Burbank as Salvatore uses the tape recorder after the song stops.)
Woman: (on tape recorder) Now use the word in a sentence.
Salvatore Maggio: (pushes tape recorder button) Amorphous: Having no definite form. Shapeless, as in: "After Joey Clams got whacked, his head was amorphous."
Woman: (on tape recorder) That was excellent. Now let's move to the next level.
Frankie Lombardo: (holds up a cell phone) I think you should take this.
Salvatore Maggio: (answers a cell phone) Hello. Hmm. I'm aggrieved to hear that, Mr. Smith. Of course we had a deal. Please, advise me if this situation changes. (hangs up) Those two mammalucco are still on vacation. Our friend feels a kangaroo pocketed the 50 G's.
Frankie Lombardo: Maybe they figured it out.
Salvatore Maggio: My stepson couldn't figure out a cheese sandwich if they spotted him the pumpernickel and the provolone with the bowl of tomato soup.
Frankie Lombardo: So, what do you want to do?
Salvatore Maggio: You possess a valid passport.
(Waffles whines curiously as Frankie nods in agreement. Cut back to Blue's Flying Dingo IV and the Jeep Wrangler as they still fly to the landing strip in Coober Pedy.)
Louis Booker: I can't see anything from up here!
Charlie Carbone: Hey! Do you think we're gonna make it to meet Mr. Smith in Coober Pedy?
Blue: Hang on to your nickers, we're almost there!
(Cut to Wile E. Coyote who uses a missile launcher as he aims at Blue's Flying Dingo IV and presses the button to launch the missile, and then the missile launches. Cut back to Blue's Flying Dingo IV, Louis and Charlie see something.)
Charlie Carbone: Hey, Louis, are you seeing something?
Louis Booker: What are you talking about?
Charlie Carbone: I think it's right behind us.
Louis Booker: (turns around to see a missile behind them) Oh, my God, it's an ACME missile!
Blue: What missile?
Charlie and Louis: That missile!
Blue: Oh! (dodges the ACME missile) Wow, that was actually close. Oh, wait, it's turning around and it's coming fast! Hold on! (pulls up and avoids the ACME missile) Oh, wow, that was way too close, mates.
(Kangaroo Jack sticks his head out of the roof of the Jeep Wrangler and uses his binoculars and sees what a missile does.)
Kangaroo Jack: Wait a minute, I think I just realize something. A missile's going in that direction and hit Wile E. Coyote?
(Wile E. Coyote sees a missile crashing down onto him and its engine dies. Cut back to Blue's Flying Dingo IV and the Jeep Wrangler, an explosion booms faintly from behind.)
Charlie Carbone: And the missile just went off and crushed Wile E. Coyote.
Louis Booker: You know, I used to watch the cartoons with a coyote and a roadrunner during my childhood, and I loved them.
Blue: Wait a minute, you know about those cartoon characters from Hollywood?
Louis Booker: Apparently, yes. Charlie and I met them back at the beach in Burbank, California. And we're their biggest fans since childhood. Now, we're on a dream vacation here so we can attend the premiere night at Grauman's Egyptian Theatre.
Blue: Oh, right. No worries, then.
(Kangaroo Jack shrugs as he takes a bite of the third Twizzler. Bugs and Daffy see some multicolored birds fly in.)
Tweety: I've discovered my roots.
Sylvester: I've discovered my lunch. (chuckles)
(The multicolored birds start attacking Sylvester.)
Sylvester: Ow, ow, ow!
Tweety: Cry freedom!
(Cut to Bojangles Saloon as the shadow of Mr. Smith walks to the bartender.)
Bartender: Can I help you?
Mr. Smith: Think some friends of mine passed through here.
Bartender: Friends?
Mr. Smith: Yeah. I promised the family back home I'd take care of them personally. (chuckles)
(Cut back to Blue's Flying Dingo IV and the Jeep Wrangler, Blue tries to make contact with the airport.)
Blue: Hello? Hello?
Louis Booker: Come on, Blue, you got to do something, man.
Blue: Hey, hey, hey. Hello? Hello?
Louis Booker: Charlie, come on, man, we have to do something.
Charlie Carbone: What can we do? We have to wait to see the landing strip so we can give Sal's money to Mr. Smith while we're flying.
Louis Booker: Actually, someone is looking for us. Mr. Smith.
Blue: Who's that?
Charlie Carbone: Louis!
Louis Booker: He didn't say what I said he said.
Charlie Carbone: What did he say that you didn't say he said?
Louis Booker: He thinks we stole his package, man, so he's coming after us. And he mentioned this little thing about cutting us up into little bitty pieces and snacks for the crocodiles. Then the phone went out--
Charlie Carbone: If Smith thinks we stole his money, then by now Sal thinks we stole his money.
Louis Booker: Hey, man, Sal's not gonna hurt us. He's married to your mother.
Charlie Carbone: If Sal Maggio thinks we stole his money, he'll kill us in front of my mother, then make her clean it up.
Louis Booker: All we have to do is tell Mr. Smith about the Blue Monkey before ACME uses it and everything is okay.
Charlie Carbone: I see. So what you're saying is that we should ask him about the Blue Monkey.
Louis Booker: Yes.
Charlie Carbone: How, Louis?! How?! How are we gonna get to the landing strip in Coober Pedy?!
Blue: All right, everybody, just calm down. We can handle it. Uh-oh.
(Suddenly, the gasolines of Blue's Flying Dingo IV and the Jeep Wrangler run out as they stop and fall in midair and then Charlie and the group scream. Bugs Bunny continues to scream until he coughs. He sprays his larynx and then he screams louder as the Jeep Wrangler and Blue's Flying Dingo IV continue to fall.)
Daffy Duck: Sell my Warner Brothers stock. I got an inside tip that Bugs Bunny is about to die.
(Just as the Jeep Wrangler and Blue's Flying Dingo IV are about to fall, they stop a few feet.)
Bugs Bunny: Huh. Out of gas.
(The scene fades out until...)
Blue: What? It doesn't work like that.
(Back on the scene, the Jeep Wrangler and Blue's Flying Dingo IV finally crash to the ground.)
Bugs Bunny: Thanks, mate.
(Cut to the landing strip in Coober Pedy, Charlie and the group figure something out.)
Charlie Carbone: (while he holds up the Queen of Diamonds card) Hmm.
Louis Booker: How's that playing card gonna save your uncle, man?
Charlie Carbone: I suppose it could be a clue. And I'm sorry our vehicles ran out of gasoline. How are we gonna show that playing card to Jessie?
Louis Booker: (gets an idea) I got an idea. Blue, you ever heard of Devil's Marbles?
Blue: Due east. Bit of a walk, though. (chuckles) Why, what's there?
Louis Booker: The lady I told you about at the wildlife office.
Charlie Carbone: The epileptic?
Louis Booker: Yes. She works with animals and I bet she can help us find the whereabouts of the Blue Monkey.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, please.
Daffy Duck: Charlie. It's better than being cut up into little bitty pieces, man.
Charlie Carbone: Not if you go first and I get to watch.
Blue: Look out, you blokes go ahead. I'll fix the radio, be right with you.
Louis Booker: Which way is east, man?
Blue: Uh, that way.
Louis Booker: Let's go, man.
Blue: No, no, wait there. That way.
(Charlie and the group shrug in agreement. Cut to the desert of Coober Pedy, Charlie and the group walk through.)
Louis Booker: Charlie?
Charlie Carbone: Uh-huh?
Louis Booker: I'm worried about Waffles. Do you think she'll be okay with Sal?
Charlie Carbone: Oh, sure. As long as she doesn't dig up any bodies in the backyard, she should be just fine.
Louis Booker: Good.
Charlie Carbone: How far did Blue say this place was?
Louis Booker: He didn't. He just said it was due east.
Charlie Carbone: So is Hollywood.
Kangaroo Jack: That's a big deal.
(The scene swipes down to an airplane that lands on the landing strip and then swipes left to the front door of Sydney Airport as we see Jimmy who holds up a sign that says "Lombardo".)
Frankie Lombardo: You're the guide?
Mr. Jimmy: Yes, sir. My name Mr. Jimmy. First-rate, expert Outback guide. You'll be most happy with me.
Frankie Lombardo: Great freaking start. Hey, uh, listen, you know where we can get some guns and ACME weapons around here?
Mr. Jimmy: No worries. You boys work for ACME?
Frankie Lombardo: Yeah, we work for ACME.
(Cut back to the desert of Coober Pedy as Charlie and the group still walk.)
Charlie Carbone: I think I just sweated out a bottle of Yoo-Hoo I drank in the eighth grade. (Suddenly, he senses something) Be cool. Dingoes.
(The five dingoes walk to Charlie and the group while growling and snarling.)
Charlie Carbone: Hey, that one kind of looks like Waffles.
Louis Booker: Yeah, if Waffles had a crazed look in his eyes and his face caked in blood. Charlie? Why are they staring at us like that?
Charlie Carbone: Because I'm a green leaf salad, you're the all-you-can-eat buffet, Bugs is the rabbit meat, Porky's the sausage meat, and Daffy's the roasted duck.
Louis Booker: Hey, Charlie, you got to help me out, man. They gonna get me like they got that baby!
Charlie Carbone: (feels the wind pick up) Whoa. Feel that? Wind suddenly picked up.
Louis Booker: (sighs heavily) It's like all of a sudden the air conditioner's fixed. (The dingoes whimper and run away) Charlie, where are the dingoes going?
Charlie Carbone: I think something bad is about to happen here, Louis.
Louis Booker: Oh, hey, Charlie, look. Oh! (raises his arms) This feels good! I feel like I can fly!
Charlie Carbone: Louis!
(Charlie, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot hide behind the rock as the sandstorm starts.)
Charlie Carbone: Louis!
Louis Booker: I believe I can fly! (gets blown away by the sandstorm while he screams)
Charlie Carbone: Louis! I wanna go back to Hollywood!
(Cut to the landing strip in Coober Pedy as Blue manages to fix the radio.)
Blue: Come in, Tansy, over.
Tansy: (over radio) Read you, over.
Blue: Boy, am I glad to hear you.
(Cut to the Flying Dingo Air Charter as Tansy hears Blue over radio.)
Blue: (continues over radio) Listen, I've crashed me plane. Can you send some help?
Tansy: Your location, over.
Blue: It's west of the Simpson and just south of King's Canyon.
(Suddenly, Mr. Smith pulls the microphone out of the transceiver.)
Blue: Tansy? You read me, Tansy? Tansy? Do you read me?
(Mr. Smith ties Tansy up with duct tape. Cut to the Moon Plain, Charlie and the group walk through.)
Louis Booker: Must have been some kind of freak sand storm.
Charlie Carbone: Think so?
Louis Booker: I think you need to eat. Your blood sugar's getting low.
Charlie Carbone: Stop it, Louis. Okay? Please, just stop it.
Louis Booker: You know what I could really go for right about now? Some Roscoe's chicken and waffles with a side of grits and a side of gravy.
Charlie Carbone: I'm not listening to you.
Louis Booker: Or better yet, one of those. iced mocha-shcmocha things from Starbucks. They're so cold and creamy.
Daffy Duck: Say, who are you kidding here? We're goners! (gasps as he's dragged while grabbing onto Louis' leg) Water! I can't die now. Think of the millions of children who want me to have the diamond. Oh, the poor children!
(As the group continues trekking through the forsaken desert, Charlie notices something in the distance.)
Charlie Carbone: Hey, look at that!
(They see Walmart in the middle of the desert.)
Bugs Bunny: Is it a mirage, or just product placement?
Daffy Duck: Hey, who cares? With shopping convenience at such low prices. Water, M&M's, Frito-Lay chips, Nestea Cool. Your product name here. Woo-hoo-hoo!
Charlie Carbone: Is this your idea?
Kangaroo Jack: The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.
(After they were done shopping at Wal-Mart...)
Bugs Bunny: Nice of Wal-Mart to provide these Wal-Mart beverages and snacks in return for us saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.
(The footage is being caught on camera by the ACME corporation as the chairman turns the feed off and berates Wile E. Coyote for his failure.)
Mr. Chairman: My God, man, what am I ever gonna do with you? You've done nothing but screw up! You've walked off mesas. You've been smashed by boulders. You've been run over by diesel trucks. Don't blame the equipment. It's good. It's ACME equipment. You're a coyote. Be wily. All right, now. Buck up and let's see a little smile. (Coyote smiles) Little bigger. (Then his smile increases) That's nice. Now, just go take a shower, and don't come back till you smell better! Be careful. There are men moving a safe out there, and I don't want you to... (Coyote hits the safe off-screen) And be careful of the box of fireworks because... (Coyote gets hit by fireworks off-screen) I suppose I should mention the plate-glass window... (He gets hit again) It's tough being the boss.
(Inside the rocket of Marvin named Martian Maggot, Marvin receives a signal from ACME.)
Marvin the Martian: Ah, a communication.
Mr. Chairman: Memo to Marvin the Martian. (Marvin fiddles with the signal to reach the Chairman's message) Obtain the playing card, and destroy Charlie Carbone and his group. And when I say destroy Charlie Carbone and his group, I mean kill them viciously and painfully.
(He turns his eyes to normal.)
Marvin the Martian: A mission? I'm all a-tingle.
(Cut back to the Moon Plain, Charlie and the group trek through the desert.)
Charlie Carbone: (he stops and sees something) My God. (he chuckles and walks to the Jeep Wrangler) Can you believe this? Can you believe our luck? Oh, what are the chances? It's a miracle! (he enters it and laughs) Oh, yeah! (starts the engine and laughs again) Tunes! (inserts the tape into the cassette player as the song plays "Wannabe" by Spice Girls over the speakers while he dances) Hey, Daffy, what are you waiting for? Come on, hop in.
(Daffy sees Charlie having a hallucination and the song stops.)
Daffy Duck: I think you're having a hallucination when it's probably a mirage.
Charlie Carbone: Hey, you're right. (notices something) Look at that.
(Charlie and the group see 7-Eleven in the middle of the desert.)
Bugs Bunny: Well, what do you know? There's another product placement called 7-Eleven.
(When Charlie comes out of 7-Eleven, he holds up a Coca-Cola Slurpee.)
Charlie Carbone: They got Slurpees.
Louis Booker: Oh, Charlie.
(Charlie drinks a Coca-Cola Slurpee until he has a brain freeze.)
Charlie Carbone: Brain freeze!
(Charlie and the group continue to trek through the Moon Plain as Charlie drinks one sip of Nestea Cool.)
Louis Booker: It seemed so real. That's why they called it a mirage. At least you got to have fun for a few minutes.
Charlie Carbone: Yeah, because my brain is frying, and I'm losing contact with reality. You don't understand this because this is how you usually function.
Daffy Duck: That was uncalled for, Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: Was it, Daffy? Every decision you make, Daffy, is a disaster.
Louis Booker: That's right, Charlie. Just blame me and Daffy. That way you relieve yourself of all responsibility. But let me tell you something, it's easier to mock than to do, and you do nothing. You just complain and whine like a woman.
Charlie Carbone: You wanna see me do something?
Louis Booker: Bring it on, queen of the desert.
(Charlie and Louis wrestle weakly each other until they pass out. Charlie wakes up and sees something.)
Charlie Carbone: Louis. Louis, wait a second. I'm having another one of those mirages. And this one's a beauty.
(Jessie rides on a camel in the middle of Moon Plain as Charlie stands up and walks over to them. Louis exhales heavily.)
Louis Booker: Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: Shh. Louis, please. Let me just enjoy this.
(Jessie walks over to Charlie while she holds a boxing glove.)
Charlie Carbone: How you doing?
Jessie Carbone: Good. You?
Charlie Carbone: Good. (chuckles as he gazes at Jessie's face and then he gropes her rear end) Hey, Bugs, I'm touching the girl's booty. (chuckles)
Bugs Bunny: Eh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, yeah? Why's that?
Jessie Carbone: That's why.
(Jessie punches Charlie with a boxing glove as the scene cuts to black and explodes into stars. The scene fades up to Charlie who lies down on the ground and groans as he has a dream. Kangaroo Jack shows up and sniffs.)
Charlie Carbone: You're still here.
Kangaroo Jack: Yeah, I'm still here. Love the jacket Charlie. It's hard enough to fit my shoulders. Nice! How did you know red was my favorite color?
Charlie Carbone: You can talk!
Kangaroo Jack: And I can sing. (singing from "Rapper's Delight) I said a hip hop/Hippie to the hippie/The hip, hip a hop, and you don't stop, a rock it/To the bang bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie/To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.
Charlie Carbone: This is great!
Kangaroo Jack: ... see I am Jackie Legs and I like to say, "Hello" / To the black to the white...
Charlie: Jackie? Mr. Legs, if you would find your way clear to give me back Sal's money?
Kangaroo Jack: Money? Oh, you mean that money...
(The camera swipes left to a pack of kangaroos who mess around with the money.)
Charlie Carbone: Stop that. Stop that! Stop that, hey! Stop that, please! If Sal finds out--
Salvatore Maggio: (as a kangaroo) If I find out what, Charlie? That you tried to give my money to Mr. Smith?
Charlie Carbone: Sal?
Salvatore Maggio: I ask you to do something for me! This is not that!
Charlie Carbone: It wasn't my fault, it was Louis!
Louis: (as a kangaroo) Say what? My fault?! That's how you pay me back after I saved your life?!
Charlie: Louis?
Louis Booker: Next time you're drowning in the ocean... CALL FREE WILLY! Let Willy set you free! You know what, Sal? You were right about him. Chicken blood!
Salvatore Maggio: Smell it on his father. Smell it on him. Chicken blood.
Kangaroo Jack: Oy! Chicken blood!
Kangaroo Jack, Louis Booker, and Salvatore Maggio: (chanting) Chicken blood! Chicken blood! Chicken blood!
(Charlie wakes up and gasps in shock as he looks around at Jessie's camp at night and sees his group including Kangaroo Jack.)
Kangaroo Jack: Oh, hey, you're awake, Charlie. Having a crazy dream?
Charlie Carbone: I think so. It was crazy, indeed.
Bugs Bunny: (while he roasts a carrot by the campfire and offers it to Daffy) Carrot?
Daffy Duck: No, thanks.
Charlie Carbone: (sees Jessie) Oh. Jessie. What an unexpected surprise. Did I mean to do that?
Jessie Carbone: Actually, yes. You just had a crazy dream after you touched my buttocks.
Charlie Carbone: Oh. Sorry about that.
Jessie Carbone: Oh, no, it's all right. You're good. Here. (shows a bottle of medicine to Charlie) Drink this. It'll bring down the swelling. (Charlie drinks the medicine) Unfortunately, it'll also make your body parts fall off. (Charlie and Louis spit out) I'm kidding. It won't bring down the swelling.
(Charlie spits out again and then he coughs as Louis snickers. Charlie lies back again and makes his head feel better. Cut to Bugs and Daffy.)
Bugs Bunny: I'm telling you, Daffy, I heard the Warner Brothers say the post-production's begun.
Daffy Duck: Flattered though I may be, flattered I will not in order for you to get the laughs. It's all, hoo-hoo, yuk-yuk, and then bam, wham, bam!
Bugs Bunny: And your tail is on fire.
Daffy Duck: Exactly my point. The-
Bugs Bunny: No, really, your tail's on fire.
(Daffy notices his tail is on fire and runs around wildly to put it out.)
Bugs Bunny: Daff, you're accident-prone.
Daffy Duck: Ugh. (puts out the flame) What am I talking to you for? All you have to do is munch on a carrot, and people love you.
(Cut to the landing strip in Coober Pedy as Mr. Smith's Jeep arrives.)
Blue: About time tonight.
(Mr. Smith and his henchmen walk to Blue along with Elmer Fudd and Marvin the Martian.)
Mr. Smith: Where are they?
Blue: Pick on somebody your own size! Fifteen years Special Air Services, behind the line! I'm down and out, mate. I forgot more than you ever learned. You'll get nothing from me! (Mr. Smith uses his knife on his beard) Devil's Marbles. Took off on foot, about ten hours ago.
Mr. Smith: See, that wasn't so difficult.
(Mr. Smith's henchman punches Blue's gut as Blue collapses. Cut back to Jessie's camp, Charlie walks to Jessie, Charlie walks to Jessie and knocks on the pan.)
Charlie Carbone: Knock-knock. (Jessie gasps and covers her chest) Very funny.
Jessie Carbone: Can't be too careful.
Charlie Carbone: Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I didn't think they were real. Oh, no! I mean, I thought they were real--
Jessie Carbone: Relax. I know what you mean. Louis explained.
Charlie Carbone: Listen, me and my group have to ask you about the Blue Monkey.
Jessie Carbone: Blue Monkey, huh? We all know about the Blue Monkey. Let's watch the tape, shall we?
(Jessie inserts tape into the VCR as it shows Peter Graves on the TV screen.)
Peter Graves: (on video) Good evening, Charlie Carbone. If you're watching this, then you're probably aware that the world's in such grave danger. The ACME Corporation's in hot pursuit of the Blue Monkey diamond, a supernatural gem with the ability to turn people into monkeys, and then back again. It's the ACME chairman's goal to turn the entire population into monkey slaves to manufacture shoddy ACME goods, and then change them back to people to buy the stuff.
(Eventually, Daffy catches up.)
Daffy Duck: Unbelievable!
Peter Graves: (on video) Unbelievable, you may say. Your mission is this, Charlie. Find it, destroy it, save humanity. And remember, no one wants to be turned into a monkey.
(The video ends.)
Charlie Carbone: That's why. Those guys came after my uncle because he was gonna save the world. So that means if I go after the diamond, then the bad guys come after me.
Jessie Carbone: I think you're right. And that means the playing card could mean like a riddle.
Charlie Carbone: The window into what lies behind her smile. That's the Mona Lisa. And it's in Louvre Museum, Paris.
Daffy Duck: Just how are we supposed to get to Paris?
Bugs Bunny: Like this.
(He turns the screen page like a book. We are now in Paris. We see various sights Paris has to offer before eventually reaching the Louvre. Inside the museum, Charlie, Louis and Jessie walk while Bugs and Daffy sneak around until they come across the Mona Lisa painting.)
Charlie Carbone: It doesn't look like much of a window to me.
Jessie Carbone: Maybe the diamond is in the painting. All we have to do is steal the Mona Lisa.
Daffy Duck: Way ahead of you.
(Bugs and Daffy wear burglar costumes, and then they're about to get the painting.)
Louis Booker: No, you look, you don't touch, right?
Daffy Duck: Yeah. But I'm already in costume.
Bugs Bunny: That's a good look for you.
Daffy Duck: Do you think so?
Charlie Carbone: Wait a minute.
(Charlie sees something sticking out of the card. He peels it off and it's a seal for the card. He looks at the painting through it.)
Daffy Duck: It is a window.
Jessie Carbone: It's an X-ray.
(Jessie gasps as the seal looks through Mona Lisa's clothes, showing her underwear.)
Charlie Carbone: Oops. (chuckles) Sorry.
(Then it shows through her skin before it shows a map of New Zealand.)
Charlie Carbone: It's a map of Australia. Maybe that's where the Blue Monkey diamond is.
Jessie Carbone: Hold it up. I'll take a picture.
(They position the spy-phone to take a picture of the map.)
Daffy Duck: Can I take a picture? Please? Come on, give me your phone. I want to take a picture, too.
Bugs Bunny: Cheese it, the cops.
(A security guard passes by the four.)
Daffy Duck: He's gone. So let me take a picture, will you? I want to take a picture, too. Come on, please? Can I hold the window? Let me see the window.
(They snap a picture while Daffy hops.)
Elmer Fudd: (points his gun at Daffy's back head and made the playing card fly) I'll take that!
(Bugs Bunny grabs it and Daffy Duck gasps as Elmer points his gun at Charlie, Louis and Jessie, but then Bugs lowers it.)
Bugs Bunny: Um, what gives, doc? We made 35 pictures together.
Elmer Fudd: Well, as it turns out, I'm secretly evil.
Daffy Duck: That's show biz for you.
Elmer Fudd: Now make with the card, so I can please my dark masters.
Bugs Bunny: Yes, sir. Queen of diamonds is your card. Just put it back in the deck, anywhere is fine. And oopsie-daisy! Is this your card?
Elmer Fudd: No.
Bugs Bunny: This?
Elmer Fudd: No.
Bugs Bunny: This?
Elmer Fudd: No. I said it's the queen of diamonds, I tell you.
Bugs Bunny: You mean, like this one?
(Then Bugs and Daffy run away as Elmer is prepared to chase them.)
Elmer Fudd: Ooh! I'm gonna blast ya!
Charlie Carbone: Think we should go back and help him?
Jessie Carbone: Nah, Elmer never gets Bugs. It's a formula, but it works.
(Mr. Collins unnoticedly captures Jessie Carbone.)
Charlie Carbone: (without realizing she's captured) The great thing about movies, you always know what's gonna happen. For instance, if this was a movie, you and I'd probably wind up together. (realizes she's captured by Mr. Collins) Jessie?
Jessie Carbone: (bites Mr. Collins' hand, but she's still captured) If you don't let go of me, I'll scream, but I'm not gonna stop screaming! (screams)
Mr. Collins: Scream all you want, Jessie.
(As Charlie runs to save Jessie, he ends up hitting the door, that knocks him out, and then he groans. Next scene, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are getting chased by Elmer Fudd, until they stop to notice Salvador Dali's The Persistence of Memory picture. They enter in there, as Elmer Fudd doesn't know where they go until Daffy blows raspberries at Elmer. Elmer Fudd was ready to blast them, but unfortunately the barrel of his shotgun melts as Bugs and Daffy laugh. They run, but the clouds go down as they melt and Elmer Fudd chases them. Bugs and Daffy keep running until their bodies melt as they get tired.)
Daffy Duck: Well, this is surreal.
Elmer Fudd: (his voice pitch lowered since he's inside the picture.) Stop or I'll fire.
(Every word from Elmer gets images from his mouth, a STOP sign, a row, an eye with an apostrophe and two Ls and a bonfire come as images as Daffy and Bugs struggle to escape. Then Elmer uses a wooden stick to prepare his molten shotgun.)
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck: Yipe!
(After Elmer pulled the trigger, then the bullets fell down and Elmer screams distortedly as he melts. Bugs and Daffy managed to get away from the Persistence of Memory and teleported themselves to Edvard Munch's The Scream picture. Elmer is ready to chase them, he keeps shooting, Daffy jumps in a woman and then hits a screaming man and so does Bugs. The screaming man screams too loud that Daffy and Bugs cover their ears. Elmer is ready to blast them as he laughs villainously until Bugs Bunny stomps on Elmer's foot. Elmer screams while he puts his hands on his face. Then they get away from the Scream picture. And entered Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec's Moulin Rouge picture. Then Bugs and Daffy came as female dancers.)
Elmer Fudd: Hello. (they kick him that made him giggle, and they kick him that they made him throw his shotgun) Oh, my. (Bugs kicks him and Elmer giggles, then Daffy kicks him that made him feel upset as he begs them to stop) Ladies, please. (Then Bugs and Daffy kick him a lot of times and they made him fly.)
(Meanwhile, Charlie and Louis exit the Louvre to chase after Collins. They approach Pepe le Pew.)
Louis Booker: Hey! Gendarme!
Pepe le Pew: Oui, monsieur?
Charlie Carbone: There's a man there. He's got a woman. She's tied up in a burlap sack. He's taking her to the Eiffel Tower.
Pepe le Pew: It is spring, is it not?
(Charlie and Louis gag from the stench of the skunk before they run off. Then Elmer Fudd chases Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck through paintings as they go over all of them, then the chase resumes as Bugs and Daffy enter in Georges Seurat's A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jette)
Elmer Fudd: I'm gonna blast you.
(Then Bugs and Daffy jumped just for Daffy to be the father and carry a baby car and Elmer Fudd is turned into part of the image. Then as he opens, Bugs disguised as a baby sleeping wakes up shushes him.)
Elmer Fudd: Aw, shucks! (laughs and grabs Bugs' cheek as Bugs cries and bites Elmer's nose, then Daffy and Bugs escaped and left their disguises as Elmer gets angry. Bugs and Daffy dodge the bullets as Elmer shot a tree, then he kept shooting them, but no avail. Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck escaped and went back to normality, as for Elmer Fudd, he got out of the picture, but didn't go back to normal, instead he's stuck as an art from the picture.)
Bugs Bunny: "Pointillism: A technique of using individual dots of pigment..."which, taken together, make an image."
(Then Bugs Bunny turns the mini-fan to blow Elmer's dot-pigmented body.)
Elmer Fudd: Oh, crud.
(Then Elmer's body vanished thanks to Bugs, except for his boots.)
Bugs Bunny: I think when you go to the movies, you should learn something.
(Daffy is seen trying to figure the numbers to draw his lower part. Meanwhile, Mr. Collins carries Jessie in the burlap sack up the Eiffel Tower. Charlie and Louis run through as they say "Pardon us" and "Excuse us" in French. Charlie presses some buttons to launch the pants. However, the pants launched in the air, leaving him in his underwear. The Three Bears walk by to gawk at Charlie.)
Louis Booker: Oh. That's what I thought.
Baby Bear: (laughs) Look at that clown here.
Papa Bear: Now there's something you don't see every day.
Charlie Carbone: You. Come here.
Papa Bear: Hey, wait a minute.
Charlie Carbone: I don't want any trouble.
Papa Bear: What are you doing there?
Charlie Carbone: I just want your pants!
(As Charlie goes for Papa Bear, we see a helicopter flying towards the Eiffel Tower. It is piloted by Beaky Buzzard.)
Beaky Buzzard: (chuckles) That's right. I'm a vicious bird of prey.
(He waves to the helicopter to pick him up. Charlie, now wearing Papa Bear's pants, goes up the Eiffel Tower.)
Charlie Carbone: Merci.
Louis Booker: I'll meet you at the cafe.
(Mr. Collins takes the phone from Jessie. The helicopter picks him up, but Jessie holds onto him. Charlie arrives.)
Jessie Carbone: He's got the camera!
Charlie Carbone: Hey! Give the girl back!
(Jessie falls down from Mr. Collins, and Charlie dives after her. Charlie grabs Jessie and uses the grappling hook to swing from the tower, picking up flowers and chocolates, and landing at the cafe. Bugs, Daffy and Louis are waiting at their table.)
Bugs Bunny: Eh, what kept you?
Louis Booker: Are you all right, Charlie?
Charlie Carbone: Yeah, I'm fine, Louis. You okay, Jessie.
Jessie Carbone: Uh-huh. That was great. (sighs and hugs Charlie)
(Bugs and Daffy play cupid, but Bugs accidently shoots an arrow at a man. The two wince.)
French Man: (offscreen) Sacre bleu!
Charlie Carbone: I'd say it's a perfect day. Except for the fact that we lost the map.
Bugs Bunny: We?
Charlie Carbone: All right, I'm the jerk who lost the map.
Bugs Bunny: And I'm the bunny who saved the card. (gets out the playing card) Voilà.
Charlie Carbone: Nice going, Bugs. (takes the card) Back in Australia.
(Back in ACME, Mr. Chairman shows the cellphone to his VPs.)
Mr. Chairman: Chairpersons, I reveal to you... the whereabouts of the Blue Monkey. (laughs maliciously) All right.
(He summons the location of the Blue Monkey on the screen. However, on the pic, Daffy is blocking most of the location.)
Mr. Chairman: There's a duck in the middle of the map. Remove the duck. Remove the duck! The duck is in the... Duck!
(He grunts angrily and throws a remote at the screen, shattering it to pieces.)
Mr. Chairman: Oh. Now, we can't let two men, a woman, a bunny, a duck, and a kangaroo thwart our plans for global domination.
Bailey Carbone: Wanna bet?
Mr. Chairman: A wager.
Bailey Carbone: $5 says my nephew will scuttle your diabolical plans and save the world.
Mr. Chairman: You're awfully spunky for a man in your position.
(He presses a button on the remote that makes Bailey hit himself.)
Mr. Chairman: How do you like that, Mr. Slap Yourself in Your Own Face? (he hands the remote to Dr. Lorre) Give him a good zets every once in a while.
Dr. Lorre: My pleasure.
Mr. Chairman: Now, I think I'm just gonna hedge my bet. I'm gonna unleash our most vicious operative.
(A cage becomes lowered down and reveals the operative Tasmanian Devil, or for short, Taz.)
ACME VP, Never Learning: (presses his buzzer) Uh, Mr. Chairman, while we agree that the Tasmanian Devil is quite vicious, if memory serves, he is also really stupid.
Mr. Chairman: Really? Well, so are you.
(He frees Taz from the cage, which prompts him to eat the man offscreen. He comes back when his meal is done and belches.)
Mr. Chairman: That's a good boy.
(Pan to the victim, who was now a skeleton from Taz’s appetite.)
ACME VP, Never Learning: (presses his buzzer) I withdraw my objection.
(We come to the map of Australia as it zooms before it transitions to the heroes in Mena Creek.)
Bugs Bunny: This would have been a lot easier underground.
Charlie Carbone: Come on, it's only another 6,000 cubits in this here thick direction.
(Just then, Yakko, Wakko and Dot arrive while they ride on camels.)
Yakko Warner: Hey, Charlie. How's our dream vacation in Australia doing?
Charlie Carbone: So far, so good. How'd you come back? Where'd you go?
Wakko Warner: Well, apparently, the security guard thought we escaped from the water tower, and we went on the run until we hit Mena Creek. We distracted the guard and tricked him into thinking that we're in the city of Coober Pedy. And thankfully, we just came back to Australia and found camels.
Charlie Carbone: Oh. Right. Just like in the other show Animaniacs.
Dot Warner: Highly likely.
Daffy Duck: Giddyup, Dumbo.
Bugs Bunny: (climbs onto the elephant) Sure was a lucky coincidence you showing up just now.
Yakko Warner: Yes, wasn't it?
Charlie Carbone: Eh, it's a living.
(Later on, the group rides into the jungle.)
Charlie Carbone: Doesn't get any better than this, Louis. Blue skies, fresh air! And who even knew there were camels in Australia? These are noble beasts, my friends. Proud, majestic...
(Suddenly, the two camels fart.)
Charlie Carbone: Oh, come on!
Jessie Carbone: Get used to it, boys. Camels do that.
Charlie Carbone: I don't wanna seem nosy, but do you have some sort of plan here?
Jessie Carbone: There hasn't been rain for weeks, right?
(A camel farts again.)
Louis Booker: Oh, God.
Charlie Carbone: Come on.
Jessie Carbone: Well, when the water dries up in the basins, the kangaroos head for the rivers. So that means we have two choices, the Finke River or the Todd. Since the Finke is 200 miles away, I'm leaning toward the Todd.
Charlie Carbone: Alrighty, then, to the Todd.
Jessie Carbone: To the Todd.
Louis Booker: To the Todd! (eats one of the berries)
Charlie Carbone: Louis, what are you eating?
Louis Booker: I picked a bunch of berries when we were at camp, man. Jessie said they were cool. They smell just like a bowl of Fruity Pebbles right before you add the milk. Go on, take a whiff.
Charlie Carbone: No, thank you.
Louis Booker: Okay. (eats another one berry)
Charlie Carbone: (coughs after a camel farts) Give me some of those berries real quick!
Louis Booker: Go on, take some.
(Jessie giggles as Charlie takes some of the berries and smells their scent while he exhales repeatedly.)
Charlie Carbone: Man, these do smell pretty good. (chuckles)
Louis Booker: Chicks in New York, they'd pay big money to smell like that.
Jessie Carbone: They're called snakeskin lily berries. Tut!
Charlie Carbone: Impressive. How long you been in Australia?
Jessie Carbone: I moved here with a friend from Milwaukee three years ago for a semester, and never went back.
Charlie Carbone: Milwaukee! You know, I once had a... (the camel farts for 10 seconds) Oh! Oh! What is with these camels?
Louis Booker: (raises his hand) That one was me.
(Cut to the Old South Road as Mr. Jimmy drives Frankie and his goons across the road.)
Frankie Lombardo: I swear to God we passed that same bush two hours ago. What is going on?
Mr. Jimmy: Well, it says here...
Frankie Lombardo: What, again with the map? Hey, why don't you sit on your head, try thinking with your butt.
Mr. Jimmy: (sees Blue walking down) Hey, Frankie, look! Maybe this hump can tell us where we are. (stops the vehicle)
Frankie Lombardo: How are you doing?
Blue: Got tranqued, crashed me plane, rescue party knocked me out and left me to die. All because of a bloody boomer.
Frankie Lombardo: We're looking for Alice Springs.
Blue: Heading straight for it, mate. What about a lift?
Frankie Lombardo: Why not? Get in.
Blue: Beauty.
(Eventually, Charlie and the group arrive at Paronella Park as Kangaroo Jack stands here.)
Daffy Duck: What a fantastic view.
Bugs Bunny: Unless you're in the audience... in which case you've been staring at camel's two humps for 30 seconds.
Daffy Duck: My destiny awaits.
Charlie Carbone: I guess this is our stop.
Jessie Carbone: Eventually, it is. Let's go.
Charlie Carbone: Jackie? You made it! Where'd you go?
Kangaroo Jack: Well, I had to travel Paronella Park by transportation like Jeep.
Charlie Carbone: Oh.
(Charlie and the group enter the temple as Daffy finds a small monkey piece.)
Daffy Duck: This is the Blue Monkey? This dime-store bauble? I've been rooked. Shafted by the gods.
(Unfortunately, Daffy takes the piece causing the trap to start.)
Charlie Carbone: This shouldn't happen. Nice going, Daffy.
Daffy Duck: I demand recompense. I want my diamond. Where is my humongous rock?
(On cue, a giant rock crushes him.)
Bugs Bunny: Pressed duck.
(Charlie rolls the giant rock off of Daffy, revealing the duck himself is flattened.)
Louis Booker: I think it looks like a puzzle piece.
Charlie Carbone: It is?
Jessie Carbone: (notices a circular device) Wait a minute.
(Jessie inserts the piece into the device and turns it as she causes darts to shoot at them while Daffy inflates himself.)
Daffy Duck: Are we rich yet?
(Darts hit him and Daffy deflates.)
Charlie Carbone: Jessie, anytime now.
(Finally. Jessie turns the device and the bridge dropped down, giving them a way to cross over the lava. The Blue Monkey Diamond appears on a shrine.)
Daffy Duck: I'm rich. I'm affluent. My liquidity is assured. (laughs evilly and runs for the diamond)
Charlie Carbone: Daffy, get back here. Don't touch that! Let go! Don't you dare!
Daffy Duck: (as Charlie grabs him) It’s mine! Mine! So close! Mine!
Charlie Carbone: You mind?
Daffy Duck: Yes, I mind. I'm the hero. I should get the treasure. The girl, too, but we'll discuss that later.
(Charlie drops Daffy on the ground and picks up the Blue Monkey Diamond.)
Daffy Duck: Careful. Careful with my diamond. Easy, now.
(Charlie holds up the Blue Monkey Diamond.)
Charlie Carbone: It's all for you, Uncle Bailey.
(The diamond shines and fires a ray at Charlie as it turns him into a monkey.)
Daffy Duck: Why, Charlie, why you? Why wasn't it me? Just academic curiosity, you understand. (takes the diamond) Well, got to go. Bank closes at 5:00.
Bugs Bunny: Come on, Daffy, change him back.
Daffy Duck: All right. Buddy pictures.
(He uses the diamond to turn Charlie back to normal.)
Daffy Duck: Charlie, pal, you're okay.
Charlie Carbone: Yeah. Give me that. (takes the Blue Monkey Diamond)
Daffy Duck: I liked you better as a monkey.
Charlie Carbone: Thank you very much.
Kangaroo Jack: Wow, now that you've got the Blue Monkey Diamond, what'll we do next? Oh, wait a minute. (takes the package out of Louis' jacket pocket) I still have the package full of Salvatore Maggio's money in Louis' jacket pocket.
Charlie Carbone: You're right, Jackie. We're gonna give Salvatore Maggio's $50,000 to Mr. Smith.
Lola Bunny: That's correct. I hope Mr. Smith doesn't come for the Blue Monkey Diamond.
(Cut back to the Old South Road, Mr. Jimmy's vehicle drives all the way down.)
Mr. Jimmy: Yo, what's a boomer?
Blue: What?
Mr. Jimmy: A boomer!
Blue: Oh, a kangaroo. It was two of your blokes. Americans. They were giving $50,000 to Mr. Smith with the help of a kangaroo, a duck, a pig, a mouse, and two bunnies.
(Blue and Mr. Jimmy laugh.)
Mr. Jimmy: Don't that dork, Louis Booker, always wear a shiny red jacket?
Blue: (chuckles) Yeah.
(Suddenly, Frankie's smile turns sour as Mr. Jimmy stops the vehicle and Blue gets pushed out of it. The vehicle drives away from Blue who stands up and puts his hat back on.)
Blue: Never should have left the pub.
(Charlie and the group leave Paronella Park as Charlie looks at the Blue Monkey Diamond.)
Charlie Carbone: Oh, yes! Oh, yeah! Does that look like a diamond? It reminds us of one of the Indiana Jones movies. I'm like Indiana Jones! (looks at a map of Australia) Wait a minute. How are we ever gonna get back to Coober Pedy? It's so far away from here.
Kangaroo Jack: Don't worry. I thought of everything. (shows the new Jeep Wrangler) Ta-da!
Charlie Carbone: (gasps) Jackie! You... You bought a new Jeep?
Kangaroo Jack: Absolutely. I bought it with my money.
Charlie Carbone: Your money? How much? What's your amount?
Kangaroo Jack: I'd say $1,000,000,000.
Charlie Carbone: A billion? Wow! You must be a billionaire.
Kangaroo Jack: Uh-huh. Naturally.
Bugs Bunny: Who knew that?
Yakko Warner: You know, I'm beginning to think that Australia must be the most dangerous continent.
Louis Booker: What?
Yakko Warner: I'm just saying, that's all.
Louis Booker: Oh, yeah.
Kangaroo Jack: Not to mention, its flying mode is new and improved.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, right. You know what I think? I think we would've better off back in Hollywood.
Bugs Bunny: Oh, yes.
(Suddenly, Louis feels the fire ants biting his leg while he winces in pain.)
Louis Booker: Shoot!
Charlie Carbone: Louis, what's the matter?
Louis Booker: I think the ants are biting me.
Charlie Carbone: What ants?
Louis Booker: Fire ants.
Bugs Bunny: Fire ants, huh? Let me look that up. They're a group of red or yellow ants (genus Solenopsis) known for their painful and aggressive stings.
Charlie Carbone: So, that's what it says, isn't it?
Bugs Bunny: Uh-huh. And now they're biting Louis' leg.
(Louis screams painfully as his scream echoes through the jungle.)
Louis Booker: Charlie, I can't take it no more! Oh, God! (runs around wildly to get the fire ants off) Get off! Get off me! Get off me! I'm gonna roll in the grass!
Bugs Bunny: You see what I'm talking about? That's what happens when people get bitten by ants around the world.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, you're right. I didn't even realize that ants could bite people worldwide.
Jessie Carbone: That's correct. Now, let's find somewhere to camp, and then we'll give Sal's money to Mr. Smith tomorrow.
Louis Booker: Oh, that's better. Hey, sorry about that, man. I was under attack.
Charlie Carbone: That's all right. Look at her. She thinks she's so much smarter than us.
Louis Booker: I'm pretty sure she is, Charlie.
(Cut back to the Old South Road as the truck continues to drive all the way.)
Frankie Lombardo: Let me ask you something, Mr. Jimmy. Where do I go if I'm looking for a missing kangaroo?
Mr. Jimmy: The sky is dry for many months. Wind is quiet from the...
Frankie Lombardo: Kangaroos, Jim! Where are they?
Mr. Jimmy: The best bet is right there. Owen Springs.
(Frankie picks up the map and hums in agreement as the vehicle stops and then he pushes Mr. Jimmy out of the vehicle. Frankie drives the vehicle. Cut to a waterfall in Coober Pedy, Jessie and Lola Bunny take a bath as Charlie and Bugs Bunny come across and then Charlie puts on his bathing trunks as Bugs Bunny puts on his bathing suit while the song plays "Let's Groove" by Earth, Wind & Fire.)
Jessie Carbone: Oh!
Charlie Carbone: Oh! Sorry about that.
Jessie Carbone: What do you think you're doing here?
Charlie Carbone: Um, nothing much. Bugs and I just wanted to take a bath with you and Lola.
Jessie Carbone: Oh. I see. Help yourself. I hope the water's fresh, clean and clear.
Charlie Carbone: Aw, shucks.
(Charlie and Bugs dive into the water and they surface.)
Charlie Carbone: Woo! (laughs) It's gorgeous.
Bugs Bunny: Uh-huh, and it reminds us of one of the swimming pools at one of the hotels back in California.
Jessie Carbone: Oh, yeah? You think so?
Bugs Bunny: Oh, yes, definitely.
Jessie Carbone: Wow.
Lola Bunny: Oh, Bugsy, I asked Jessie about it, and she said it feels lovely like romance.
Bugs Bunny: Oh, Lola, you've made me want to make my heart race.
Jessie Carbone: Go on, Bugs. She's all yours.
(Bugs and Lola come closer and they start to kiss each other passionately.)
Lola Bunny: Oh, Bugs. I haven't felt that kiss before.
Bugs Bunny: Neither have I, Lola.
Jessie Carbone: You know, I'm honestly surprised you touched my buttocks when you look in my eyes.
Charlie Carbone: Yeah. And am I sorry about what I did?
Jessie Carbone: Well, yes. And I'm sorry, too.
Charlie Carbone: Oh, well, that's beautiful. I'm glad you're sorry. And as a matter of fact, we're both sorry.
Jessie Carbone: Ah, it's no big deal.
(Charlie comes closer to Jessie and kisses her deeply and passionately.)
Jessie Carbone: (shudders) Wow. I've never ever seen you kiss a woman like me before.
Charlie Carbone: I know. All right, I'll admit it. this is the most sensual romantic moment of my entire life.
(Charlie and Jessie kiss each other again as Louis and Daffy jump into the water with a cannonball.)
Louis Booker and Daffy Duck: Cannonball!
Charlie Carbone: And now it's over.
Louis Booker: (surfaces) Woo!
(Kangaroo Jack watches them swim.)
Kangaroo Jack: Aw, that's what it's called love at first sight. I wonder what's in the pocket. (picks out a yo-yo from Louis' jacket pocket as a yo-yo goes down and up as it hits his mouth) Ow! Oh, well.
(Kangaroo Jack picks out a Big Red gum stick from Louis' jacket pocket as he tastes it. Suddenly, he feels affected and its flavor burns his mouth, and then he screams in agony and jumps wildly. He chokes and wheezes as he dunks his head in the water and spits the gum out of his mouth.)
Kangaroo Jack: Man, that gum was sure as spicy as jalapenos.
Louis Booker: Oh. Sorry about that, Jackie.
(The next morning, Charlie, Louis, Jessie, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, and Kangaroo Jack sleep as Yakko, Wakko and Dot arrive.)
Yakko Warner: Look over there, there's the Carbone from Hollywood.
(Charlie and the group wake up.)
Dot Warner: Good morning, Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: Oh. Hey there.
Wakko Warner: Did you find the Blue Monkey?
Charlie Carbone: Oh, uh, yes, we sure did.
Dot Warner: Oh, well, that's so sweet. Now, if you'll just hand over the Blue Monkey...
(Yakko and Dot unzip their disguises, revealing themselves as Mr. Chairman and Collins.)
Mr. Chairman: Immediately!
Wakko Warner: My turn.
(Wakko unzips his disguise, revealing himself as Taz. He spins around and babbles, and then he passes gas.)
Tasmanian Devil: Pardon.
(Bugs is seen wearing a gas mask.)
Mr. Chairman: All right, now, I've come for the diamond.
Charlie Carbone: I knew it was you.
Mr. Chairman: Oh, you knew it was me, did you? Well you're wrong! Because I'm not me. I'm actually... (tries to unzip his disguise) I can't. I can't reach over the hat. I'd rehearse back at ACME, but I never wore the hat. And now the hat is throwing me off. Would you... (hands Charlie his hat) Thank you very much. Now, I'm actually...
(He unzips to reveal himself as Bailey.)
Bailey Carbone: Your Uncle Bailey.
Charlie Carbone: Uncle Bailey.
Daffy Duck: Saw that one coming.
Bailey Carbone: Look into your heart, Charlie. You know it's true.
Charlie Carbone: No, it can't be true.
Bailey Carbone: You're right, it isn't.
(He unzips his disguise to reveal... Michael Jordan?!)
Michael Jordan: Let's do some drills.
Charlie Carbone: (mouths) What the...?
Daffy Duck: This doesn't make a lick of sense.
(Finally, he unzips back to Mr. Chairman.)
Mr. Chairman: (laughs) Well, who's laughing now? Well, apparently, no one. Anyway, give me the Monkey!
Charlie Carbone: No, forget that, man. You're evil.
Mr. Chairman: (gasps) Thank you, but... Tie them up!
(Cut to Charlie and the group with his wrists tied up and they kneel down.)
Jessie Carbone: What's going on?
Charlie Carbone: We're in a little bit of trouble.
Jessie Carbone: A little?
Mr. Smith: I've been following camel tracks all bloody morning, so let's make short work of this. Where's me moolah?
Kangaroo Jack: What's moolah?
Mr. Smith: Well, what have we here? A bloody talking kangaroo. What's your name?
Kangaroo Jack: Jackie Legs.
Mr. Smith: Ah, yes. Jackie Legs from Canarsie. Now, there are two ways of doing this. And one of them is a lot less painful than the other. (his men laugh) Where's the money?
Kangaroo Jack: See, what happened was Charlie and his group were driving and they hit me with a Jeep Wrangler and now I'm wearing Louis' lucky jacket...
Mr. Smith: So, you're wearing Louis' lucky jacket, huh? I never thought that kangaroos can't talk. Your mate, Blue, told us that yarn about the boomer. (takes the package from Louis' jacket pocket) Oh, yes. Finally. Sal's $50,000. I'm glad you've carried it the entire time. Thank you, Jackie. You've been very helpful. And Louis Booker, I hope for your sake you were stupid enough to hide that money in them saddle bags.
Charlie Carbone: You got to believe us.
Mr. Smith: No. You got to believe me. If you can't give the chairman of ACME the Blue Monkey, I'm gonna carve you up piece by piece. (walks to one of the camels)
Jessie Carbone: So, it's safe to assume you're not on vacation.
Louis Booker: No. Charlie's stepfather's a mobster back in California and he had us sent here to deliver a package.
Jessie Carbone: And you got me into the middle of this?
Charlie Carbone: I'm so sorry, Jessie. I never thought this would happen.
Jessie Carbone: And you lied to me.
Mr. Smith: (picks up the four pictures and sees one with Charlie, Louis, Bugs, Daffy, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, Dot, and Kangaroo Jack) What do you know. Bad news, fellas, you were telling the truth. Anyway, Mr. Collins, let's show this stuntman Carbone who I have sometimes been mistaken for what it's like to live in the real world.
(Collins picks out the ACME Relocator Gun.)
Mr. Chairman: Have you ever been disintegrated in one place and then reassembled in another?
Charlie Carbone: Nope. But I'll show you the Blue Monkey.
Mr. Chairman: Oh, is that so? Very well. We're taking you and your friends to Kings Canyon when Frankie comes to us. Mr. Smith? Do the honors.
Mr. Smith: My pleasure, Mr. Chairman. (picks up Jessie) I'll take the sheila and ride ahead.
Charlie Carbone: Jessie.
Jessie Carbone: I didn't do it for you.
(Charlie, Louis, Bugs and Daffy walk with Mr. Smith's two goons.)
Mr. Smith: (to Crumble) Listen up. Once we're out of sight, I want you to take our friends here out to Kings Canyon. You know what to do with them. But don't go berko. Make it look natural. Four yanks tragically karking it in the unapologetic Outback.
(Cut to Mr. Smith's two goons who ride on camels as they take Charlie, Louis, Bugs and Daffy to Kings Canyon.)
Charlie Carbone: We're going in the wrong direction.
Louis Booker: They're gonna kill us, Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: God knows what they're gonna do to Jessie. I should've stopped this 20 years ago.
Daffy Duck: What are you talking about?
Charlie Carbone: The first time Sal came into my mother's house, I knew he was no good. But he bought me this first baseman's mitt, that Don Mattingly model.
Louis Booker: Oh, that was a great mitt. I still feel about losing it.
Charlie Carbone: When he left, my mom asked me what I thought of him. And I said, "I like him." I should have stood up to him and thrown him out of my house.
Louis Booker: Charlie, you were 10.
Charlie Carbone: Sal was right, Louis. I got chicken blood. I had it my whole life. (looks at the shotgun from the leather case) But that stops right now. Louis, reach into my pants.
Louis Booker: Charlie, don't do this. Go out like a man. Look, we all have urges. I remember this one time, there was this well-built Latino...
Charlie Carbone: Louis, my scissors! Reach into my pants and get my scissors.
Louis Booker: Okay. (reaches into Charlie's pants and grabs his scissors)
Charlie Carbone: Okay, Louis. (takes his scissors and removes the leather) Are you ready to go?
Louis Booker: You bet.
(Charlie cuts the ropes from himself, Louis, Bugs and Daffy.)
Bugs Bunny: You think you can distract them?
Daffy Duck: You mean make them watch this hand instead of this one? Piece of cake. Let's go.
Louis Booker: All right, Daff.
(Louis and Daffy walk to Baby J and Crumble on the right side.)
Louis Booker: Freeze, suckers! Get your hands up and turn slowly! (Baby J and Crumble put their hands up as he carries a rock in his hand) I'm warning you! In 1983, I was the starting pitcher in the Little League World Series. I struck out 16 Taiwanese All-Stars! To this day, the people of Asia call me Sun Luc Dong, which means big black man pretending to be 12!
(Charlie takes the shotgun from the leather and cocks it.)
Charlie Carbone; My name's Carbone, which means skinny white boy with a gun. Good work, Sun Loc Dong. (Louis laughs victoriously) Now, let's turn these camels around.
(Cut to Mr. Jimmy who becomes stranded until he meets up with Porky Pig and Speedy Gonzales.)
Speedy Gonzales: Hola, senor. Are you stranded?
Mr. Jimmy: Oh. Wow. Actually, yes, I am. Who might you be?
Porky Pig: I'm Porky, and that's Speedy Gonzales.
Mr. Jimmy: Oh. G'day. I'm Mr. Jimmy, and Frankie helped me where to find Charlie Carbone.
Porky Pig: Charlie Carbone? Where was he the last time?
Mr. Jimmy: He just went to Paris to discover the whereabouts of the Blue Monkey Diamond.
Porky Pig: Blue Monkey?
Speedy Gonzales: What's a Blue Monkey?
Mr. Jimmy: It's a very special diamond that has supernatural powers to turn people around the world into monkeys. And they found one in Paronella Park.
Porky Pig: Oh, my! The world's entirely in such grave danger!
Mr. Jimmy: Don't worry, we'll find a helicopter. Come on, let's go.
Speedy Gonzales: A helicopter? Oh, yes. Can Porky and I come along with you?
Mr. Jimmy: Absolutely.
Porky Pig and Speedy Gonzales: All right.
Mr. Jimmy: Let's go find a helicopter.
Speedy Gonzales: Good idea, Mr. Jimmy.
(Cut to Owen Springs as text flashes and comes up: "Owen Springs" where Mr. Smith, Mr. Chairman, Taz and Mr. Collins stand on the ground, including Jessie, Kangaroo Jack and Lola Bunny.)
Mr. Smith: You said they'd be here. You're trying to pull a swifty and I don't like that very much.
Jessie Carbone: There's also an area further along.
Mr. Smith: (draws his knife) I'm tired of your howling. (sees Crumble and Baby J) What in bloody...?
(Charlie, Louis, Bugs and Daffy come to the rescue.)
Charlie Carbone: (while he holds up a shotgun) Change of plans, Smith.
Bugs Bunny: Come on, you two. Let's go. Let's go, come on. Jessie, Lola, Jackie, come here.
Mr. Smith: (As Jessie, Lola and Kangaroo Jack try to come here, they stop as he points his knife at them) Easy, everybody.
Charlie Carbone: Drop the knife, Smith.
Daffy Duck: Yeah, drop the knife.
Mr. Smith: You ever held a weapon before, Charlie?
Louis Booker: Don't answer that.
Charlie Carbone: No.
Mr. Smith: You ever killed a person, Charlie?
Daffy Duck: Don't answer that.
Charlie Carbone: No.
Mr. Smith: What do you do for a living that makes you and your cartoon character friends so brave, Charlie?
Louis Booker and Daffy Duck: Really don't answer that.
Charlie Carbone: (cocks the shotgun again) I'm an actor from Hollywood. Now, drop the knife. (As Mr. Smith does so) Come here, Jessie, Lola and Jackie.
Louis Booker: Mm-hmm. Yeah, we bad.
Jessie Carbone: (as she, Lola and Kangaroo Jack walk to Charlie) If you think you're off the hook because you came back for me...
Charlie Carbone: Never crossed my mind.
(Suddenly, the Toyota Land Cruiser parks here as Frankie and his goons come out of it.)
Mr. Smith: You better hope that's someone coming to rescue you.
Charlie Carbone: Frankie! What are you doing here?
Frankie Lombardo: Sal heard you found the Blue Monkey Diamond so he sent us to help you out here.
Mr. Smith: Who the hell are you?
Frankie Lombardo: Frank Lombardo. I represent the interests of Salvatore Maggio. You must be Smith.
Mr. Smith: You're not wrong.
Frankie Lombardo: What's going on here, huh?
Charlie Carbone: These guys were trying to kill us.
Frankie Lombardo: Looks like we got here just in time. (points his gun at Mr. Smith) You did good, kid. Now, put that gun down before you hurt yourself, all right?
Charlie Carbone: (puts the gun down) Wow, Frankie. I never thought I'd be happy to see you. Oh, uh, Frankie, this is Jessie, Lola and Jackie. Jessie, Lola and Jackie, this is Frankie.
Kangaroo Jack: G'day.
Lola Bunny: Hey.
Jessie Carbone: Hi.
Frankie Lombardo: So, you're the kangaroo that can talk, huh?
Charlie Carbone: You see, uh, Louis, Bugs, Daffy, Lola, Porky, Speedy, Yakko, Wakko, Dot and I, we fell a little behind schedule...
Louis Booker: And Jessie came along and helped us get back on schedule again. And so, you know... (Frankie points his gun at him) Uh-oh.
Frankie Lombardo: I know all about it, Charlie.
Louis Booker: So you know about Jackie Legs?
Frankie's Goon: From Canarsie? He's involved in this?
Frankie Lombardo: No, you guys are so sneaky and clever, I didn't know. Hurricanes leave smaller trails than you two morons. (walks closer to Charlie) Sal's very excitable to hear you found the Blue Monkey. (takes the shotgun and throws it to one of his goons)
Charlie Carbone: (shows the Blue Monkey Diamond to Frankie) Here's the Blue Monkey, Frankie.
Frankie Lombardo: I'm glad you just found it from Paronella Park. And I'm also glad that you helped a talking kangaroo give Sal's money to Mr. Smith.
Mr. Smith: Here. (throws Sal's money to Charlie) You can keep that money, Charlie. It's all yours.
Frankie Lombardo: Zip the lip, Dundee.
Mr. Smith: We had a contract and that bloody roo helped Charlie.
Frankie Lombardo: Hey. I had to come all the way down here to the sphincter of the galaxy to straighten out this puked-up fur ball of a mess. Do not agitate me.
Mr. Smith: We had a contract!
Frankie Lombardo: Do not agitate me! Mr. Chairman, do the honors.
Mr. Chairman: Fire away, Mr. Collins!
(Charlie, Jessie, Bugs, Lola and Kangaroo Jack get blasted by Mr. Collins.)
Daffy Duck: Oh, no, you don't!
(Daffy and Mr. Chairman are blasted last. Taz babbles at Collins who drops the ACME Relocator Gun and unzips his disguise, revealing to be a She-Devil. Taz falls in love and they both get married. They kiss and babble at each other at the same time. Meanwhile, our heroes, along with Mr. Chairman, are teleported to ACME, with some side effects. Their body parts are switched and swapped.)
Mr. Chairman: I thought they fixed that glitch. Mr. Collins is fired! I have to do everything myself around here.
(He resets the system, turning everyone back to normal.)
Mr. Chairman: Good.
Charlie Carbone: You...
(Charlie grabs Mr. Chairman from behind, trying to get the diamond back. And then Mr. Chairman turns on the TV, which shows Bailey in danger.)
Mr. Chairman: Henchmen.
Charlie Carbone: Uncle Bailey.
(ACME Henchmen grab the heroes.)
Mr. Chairman: So this is the remote that works. This, my friend, is the ACME Train of Death, which isn't good news for your Uncle Bailey.
Bailey Carbone: Don't worry about me, Charlie. I've gotten out of worse scrapes than this one.
Mr. Chairman: You see, if the Train of Death doesn't kill him, then those crates of TNT will. (A 2-ton anvil is shown) Not to mention the 2-ton anvil hanging over his head. (And the Pendulum of Doom is shown) And, oh, look. There's the Pendulum of Doom. What's the Pendulum of Doom doing there? I didn't order the Pendulum of Doom. It's overkill. Get rid of it.
(The Coyote realizes it and pulls the rope to get rid of the Pendulum of Doom.)
Mr. Chairman: Now, if you want to keep your family "together", I would hand over the Blue Monkey now.
Bailey Carbone: Don't worry, Charlie. I'm fine.
(Charlie reluctantly hands the diamond over to Mr. Chairman.)
Charlie Carbone: You're a sick man, you know that?
Mr. Chairman: Oh, get used to it.
Charlie Carbone: Excuse me? What about my uncle?
Mr. Chairman: (chuckles) Oh. He's waiting for a train.
Charlie Carbone: What?! You...
(He tries to attack, but the henchmen hold him back.)
Frankie Lombardo: Where's Marvin the Martian? (Marvin appears on command) All right, here's the Blue Monkey Diamond. Now go put it on the satellite. Go!
Daffy Duck: (sees Marvin fleeing) Oh, no, you don't, eight ball!
(Then Daffy chases Marvin. Marvin gets to his Martian Maggot ship and flies away, while Daffy takes the TCW912 ship and flies off without realizing that one of Marvin's sidekicks was repairing it. Marvin flies off, and Daffy tries to set the course, but hits the ACME logo word, making them fall, Daffy set the course right as he prepares to chase Marvin.)
Daffy Duck: Hah! You'd never catch that rabbit being this heroic.
Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, doc?
Daffy Duck: You're despicable.
(Then they started chasing Marvin, as Bugs and Daffy blocked Marvin behind, he managed to avoid it, just to hit Bugs and Daffy's ship 3 times. Then Bugs pulled the lever forward to scratch Marvin's ship with a key.)
Marvin the Martian: Vandals.
(Then Marvin presses the Force Field button, but only for a wrestling punch mechanism to send Bugs and Daffy away from chasing him. Back on Earth, Mr. Chairman explains his evil plan.)
Mr. Chairman: Your friends' efforts will prove to be futile. You see, here is the Blue Monkey, here is the ACME satellite. When the Blue Monkey is finally docked in the satellite, I will transmit a beam around the world, which will transform everyone but me into monkeys. Now take them away!
Charlie Carbone: Don't you think that'll get lonely, Mr. All My Friends from Trees and Pick Fleas Out of Their Furry Butts?
Mr. Chairman: Lonely? I suppose I could use a little human companionship.
Jessie Carbone: Thanks a lot.
Mr. Chairman: I've seen you notice me. I know I'm hot. But I prefer someone with a little more oomph. I prefer Michelle!
(Michelle appears on cue.)
Mr. Chairman: Hello, Michelle. We're a cute couple, don't you think? Now, take those future simians away and lower the Monkey shield.
(As ACME Chairman's henchmen take Charlie, Louis, Jessie and Kangaroo Jack away, the next scene goes to outer space. As Bugs and Daffy prepare to keep chasing Marvin, he presses the Auto Pilot button and relaxes. Then Bugs and Daffy come. They pretend they don't know the directions to reach Mars, Marvin doesn't understand what they're saying, then Bugs suggests for Marvin to open the window by mimicking it.)
Marvin the Martian: Earthlings have the worst sense of direction.
(After Marvin opens the window glass, it results for him to float off his own ship as he screams.)
Daffy Duck: Well, what do you know, he fell for it. I guess I owe you five bucks.
(Then Marvin is shown below the TCW912 ship holding on its lower part.)
Daffy Duck: Uh, did you order satellite?
Bugs Bunny: Eh, I don't even have cable.
(Back on Earth, Charlie, Louis, Jessie and Kangaroo Jack are tied up in the ACME warehouse.)
Kangaroo Jack: You know, when we first met in the desert, I never would have seen this coming.
Charlie Carbone: There's got to be a way out of this.
Bailey Carbone: You can get out of this, Charlie. You've just got to set your mind to it.
Charlie Carbone: Besides, I'm hearing uncle Bailey's voice in my head.
Bailey Carbone: Actually, I'm down here, Charlie.
Charlie Carbone: (sees Bailey about to get crushed by the ACME Train of Death) Hold on, uncle, I'll be right there!
(Charlie and Jessie quickly and easily untie.)
Jessie Carbone: That was too easy.
(Charlie, Louis, Jessie and Kangaroo Jack jump off as the crate falls and shatters as it reveals the ACME robot dog that assembles itself magnetically.)
Bailey Carbone: What was that noise, Charlie?
Charlie Carbone: Uncle Bailey, you know how I always wanted a dog?
Bailey Carbone: Yeah?
Charlie Carbone: Louis just got one.
(The ACME robot dog barks and jumps from side to side as it blocks Charlie and the group and scans them.)
Jessie Carbone: Wait. Maybe he wants to play fetch. (picks up the big wrench)
Louis Booker: Nice mechanical doggy.
Jessie Carbone: Good dog. Wanna play? Good boy. Fetch!
(Jessie throws the big wrench as the ACME robot dog catches it and eats it up as it laughs. Back in space, Daffy stares at the satellite with a jetpack in hand.)
Daffy Duck: It looks to be a deadly mission requiring strength, cunning and nerves of steel. (hands the jetpack to Bugs) So good luck, Bugsy, I'll keep the engine running.
(Then Bugs gets out but only for Marvin to point him with his ACME bubble gun.)
Marvin the Martian: You tricked me!
Bugs Bunny: What's up, Darth?
Marvin the Martian: Now I must incapacitate you with my bubble gun.
(Then shoots his bubble gun.)
Bugs Bunny: Ain't that cute? (Then the bubble popped on him sending him to an electric pillar.) Of course you realize this means war.
(Then Bugs prepared his carrot and turns it into a lightsaber and floats upside, and Marvin also floats outside. Then Marvin shoots his gun, and Bugs blocks it, then Bugs while blocking, reads a book about The Force for Dummies. Cut back to the ACME warehouse.)
Charlie Carbone: Uh, you go that way, I'm gonna go this way.
(Charlie tries to save Bailey but gets knocked down by the ACME robot dog's tail twice. He crawls to the pole and holds onto it. The ACME robot dog grabs his belt inserter of his pants and pulls him.)
Jessie Carbone: Bad dog! Sit!
Bailey Carbone: I don't want to put you under any added pressure, but judging by the vibrations of these train tracks, I've got about... one minute and forty-two seconds left.
(Then the ACME robot dog throws Charlie on the boxes. Then Bugs keeps blocking Marvin's bubbles from his bubble gun. As it shows Daffy scared while he sucks his thumb.)
Daffy Duck: What am I gonna do? What would Bailey Carbone do? What would Duck Dodgers do? Wait a minute. I am Duck Dodgers! (He spins to disguise himself as Duck Dodgers) Yes, I'm going to be the hero of this picture! (he wears a jetpack) Duck Dodgers to the rescue! (Then the jetpack explodes around him making him dizzy and destroying a little of his costume, then wears another jetpack) Duck Dodgers to the rescue- (explodes again, as it destroys partial part of his costume making him dizzy and wears another jetpack) Duck Dodgers- (explodes again) Duck... (explodes again, it goes to the scene as he gets out of the spaceship.) It's you-know-who to the rescue! It helps if you don't say the name.
(Then the ACME robot dog eats the box net to make Jessie fall, but she holds onto it. Charlie wakes up.)
Jessie Carbone: Bad dog! Charlie!
(Then Charlie comes to rescue Jessie by swinging on a rope with a hooker, then he hooks the ACME robot dog's collar. Then the ACME robot dog prepares to grab Charlie, but since his collar got hooked, it pulled him off, then Charlie jumps to rescue his uncle. Then Jessie, Louis and Kangaroo Jack think Charlie was dead when the train passed, but after the train moves, it's revealed that Charlie rescued his uncle, as Jessie, Louis and Kangaroo Jack are relieved. The next scene shows Wile E. Coyote upset in failure, but then he realizes that he's running on TNT, then before his defeat, he pulls his last sign that says "THEY DON'T PAY ME ENOUGH", and at the next scene, an explosion occurs after the TNT exploded. Then the ACME robo-dog scratches itself. The next scene reveals the ACME satellite, the Blue Monkey is ready, as the pointer breaks the golden monkey statue and puts the Blue Monkey gem. And the ENGAGED mode indicates that it's in position. While Daffy Duck/Duck Dodgers is here to save the day, Marvin used his bubble gun to knock Bugs Bunny's lightsaber, and then shot him another bubble and trapped him in there.)
Marvin the Martian: Disgusting Earth rodent. Now to neutralize that duck.
(Then as Daffy stands on the satellite, Marvin uses his electromagnetizer to magnetize Daffy's suit with 2 near electric pillars, that they crushed him.)
Daffy Duck: Oh, this can't be good.
(Then a huge ray destroyed the pillars and burnt Daffy, leaving his beak floating off his head.)
Marvin the Martian: Now the diamond will bathe the Earth in a monkey-transforming glow.
Satellite: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
(Then Daffy looked at the radar, and threw his beak at the radar pointer, then he inhales and holds his breath to prevent the satellite from shooting, but only to overload the satellite. Then the ENGAGED mode changes to OVERLOAD, indicating that the satellite is overloaded.)
Marvin the Martian: Thwarting evil makes me so angry.
(Then the bubble where Bugs is stuck popped near Marvin enough to knock him out, then Bugs put his finger on the bubble gun hole just to have Marvin's gun shooting a bubble that trapped him.)
Bugs Bunny: That takes care of that.
(Then the claw grabs Bugs as he yells. Then two rays came from Daffy's nostrils, one ray points outside and the other points at Earth, then Daffy swallows the complete energy back to the radar, but only to turn the satellite into an umbrella and the screen changes from OVERLOAD to KABOOM! indicating that the satellite is about to explode. Then the satellite explodes, Daffy's beak flies off the radar pointer, the explosion causes Bugs to fall off without a jetpack, then Daffy's beak spins back to Daffy's face. Then Bugs screams as he's about to die, until Daffy rescues him.)
Bugs Bunny: Eh, thanks, Daff.
(Then Daffy smiles at the audience as he flies with Bugs, then Marvin floats on the bubble.)
Marvin the Martian: Darn dark side!
(Meanwhile, the other ray flies toward ACME.)
Mr. Chairman: Are you all monkeys yet? (sees the ray speeding towards him) Uh-oh!
(Zap! Charlie, Louis, Jessie, Kangaroo Jack and Bailey come out to see Mr. Chairman, now as a monkey while Michelle is nearby crying.)
Bailey Carbone: Checkmate, Mr. Chairman. You're going down.
(As Bailey handcuffs the monkey, we cut back to Bugs and Daffy as they fly back to Earth.)
Daffy Duck: Come on, say it. Just a little "You're my hero"?
Bugs Bunny: Nope, sorry.
Daffy Duck: Bugs, say it, come on.
Bugs Bunny: Not interested.
Daffy Duck: No one will ever know.
Bugs Bunny: Nope.
(Back on Earth, Bailey congratulates his nephew.)
Bailey Carbone: I'm proud of you, Charlie. I knew I could count on you.
Charlie Carbone: Thanks, Uncle Bailey. I'm glad you just noticed.
Bailey Carbone: All right, let's go back to Owen Springs.
(Bailey activates the ACME Integrator as he, Charlie, Louis, Jessie and Kangaroo Jack stand on it and are teleported back to Owen Springs.)
Louis Booker: I'm gonna name my son after you. "Crazy Abs White Boy."
Bailey Carbone: I think that sounds funny, but okay.
Jessie Carbone: Let go of me! Let go of me!
Frankie Lombardo: (cocks his pistol and points it at Charlie) This is from Sal Maggio.
Charlie Carbone: Frankie! I saved my uncle Bailey. I saved him! Didn't you hear what I just said? I saved my uncle Bailey from the ACME Train of Death.
Frankie Lombardo: (shakes his head) You don't get it, do ya, Charlie? Sal's not disappointed because he cares about the money. He's disappointed because you two aren't dead. What do you think he was paying Smith 50 grand for?
Louis Booker: You mean we traveled halfway across the world to pay for our own execution?
Frankie Lombardo: (smiles sinisterly) Yeah. You two were the bag men for your own hit. Pretty clever, eh?
Charlie Carbone: Not on our part.
Frankie Lombardo: (prepares to shoot Charlie, Louis, Bailey and Kangaroo Jack) Say good night.
(They see the spaceship approaching and quickly run away as it crash lands, and then the Australian Police helicopter goes up.)
Mr. Jimmy: (over loudspeakers) This is Senior Sergeant Jimmy Inkamala, Australian Police.
Frankie Lombardo: Mr. Jimmy?
Mr. Collins: And this is Sergeant Victor Collins, Australian Police.
Frankie Lombardo: Mr. Collins?
Mr. Jimmy: Drop your weapon and...
(Frankie fires the gun at a helicopter and he's empty as he runs off and then the helicopter follows him.)
Charlie Carbone: After him, Jackie!
Kangaroo Jack: I'm on it. (follows Frankie) Hey, Frankie! Go long!
(Kangaroo Jack turns around and kicks Frankie's chest as Frankie falls down to the ground.)
Kangaroo Jack: I am Jackie Legs.
Louis Booker: That's what I'm talking about.
(Charlie and Louis does the fist bump as Frankie coughs.)
Frankie Lombardo: I should've seen this coming.
(Cut to the Australian Police where they arrest Mr. Smith and his goons.)
Mr. Jimmy: Yes, Mr. Smith was one of our most notorious contract killers. We got a tip from the FBI that he was somehow involved with the Maggio family.
Mr. Collins: Yeah, and when Frankie Lombardo called looking for a guide, Jimmy was waiting. We're just glad we made it in time.
Frankie Lombardo: (as he gets arrested by the Australian Police) You pathetic, dumb loonies are dead! You hear me? Dead! I'll slaughter you like veal! I'll wear your eyeballs like jewelry!
Mr. Jimmy: I've always found the Brooklyn vernacular fascinating. (closes two doors) Quite colorful, really. (leaves)
Charlie Carbone: Hey, Frankie? Can I have your Angels tickets? (waves goodbye)
(Bugs and Daffy emerge.)
Bugs Bunny: I think we scratched it.
Daffy Duck: Don't worry, it's a rental.
Jessie Carbone: You guys, you pulled it off!
Bugs Bunny: You pulled it off, all right. (pulls off Daffy's bill)
Daffy Duck: Give me that. (takes back his bill)
Charlie Carbone: Way to go, Daffy.
Daffy Duck: You didn't do so bad yourself, stuntman.
Bugs Bunny: To set the record straight, all credit for saving the human race goes to Daffy.
Daffy Duck: Exactly. Oh, no, you don't, buster. You're the hero.
Bugs Bunny: You're the hero.
Daffy Duck: You're the he- Wait a minute. Pronoun trouble. I'm the hero.
Bugs Bunny: I'm the hero, all right.
(Cut to the humans.)
Charlie Carbone: There you are! They were full. They're radioing Alice Springs to send another chopper for us.
Bailey Carbone: Charlie, are you gonna introduce to us?
Charlie Carbone: Uncle Bailey, this is Jessie. Jessie, this is--
Bailey Carbone: Bailey Carbone. I'm a big fan of Australia.
Jessie Carbone: I'm a big fan of Hollywood. (to Charlie) You, uh, certainly know how to find a perfect woman.
Charlie Carbone: What can I say? Love went haywire. (Jessie giggles) You're right, Jessie. Love conquers nothing.
Louis Booker: Hmm. You know, Charlie, I've been thinking.
Charlie Carbone: What's that?
Louis Booker: Something really important happened here today. You saved my life.
Charlie Carbone: Yeah, I know. So now we're even.
Louis Booker: Exactly. You don't owe me anymore. You're rid of me.
Charlie Carbone: What are you talking about, I'm rid of you?
Louis Booker: Come on, Charlie, guilt was the glue that held this friendship together. You never needed me.
Charlie Carbone: You're wrong, Louis. I've always needed you. You know when you call me up, and you're, like: "Yo, Charlie, you got to help me drive some greyhounds up from Florida." And I make out like I'm doing you this big favor? Truth is, you're doing me the favor. Every story in my life worth telling starts with the words Louis and I.
Louis Booker: Come on, get away from me with that, man.
Charlie Carbone: (exhales) You think we're friends because you saved my life once? You save my life every day, Louis. (offers a hand to Louis)
Louis Booker: Come here, man.
(Charlie and Louis hug each other.)
Jessie Carbone: Uh, guys?
Louis Booker: Can you hold on a second? We're having a very intimate, non-gay moment.
Jessie Carbone: Take a look.
(Charlie sees Kangaroo Jack still around as he comes.)
Louis Booker: Hey. What are you doing?
Charlie Carbone: Hello, Jackie Legs. (picks up grass and offers Kangaroo Jack) Here you go, boy. Here you go. Yeah. That's a boy. (slowly walks closer to him) Good boy. Here you are. Hey, there, little guy. Yeah. There you go. It's okay. It's okay. Let me just grab this. (slowly unzips Louis' jacket) There you are. Good boy. There you go. (sets Kangaroo Jack free from Louis' jacket)
(Louis, Jessie, Bugs, Daffy, Lola and Bailey laugh as Kangaroo Jack sees Charlie one more time.)
Charlie Carbone: So long, Jackie Legs.
(Kangaroo Jack hops off.)
Louis Booker: Hey, would you look at that?
Charlie Carbone: Louis, your lucky jacket.
Louis Booker: I don't think so!
Charlie Carbone: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hear me out. If you hadn't put the money in the jacket and the jacket on the kangaroo, we would've delivered the money to Smith and he would've killed us. Your lucky jacket.
Louis Booker: (takes his jacket) Gimme my jacket, man! I told you. Didn't I tell you this was my lucky jacket?
(Kangaroo Jack comes back as his wife and his son show up.)
Charlie Carbone: Look, Louis. He's back. And he's got a family. Hey, you must be Jackie Junior. You're a cute little guy, aren't you?
(Jackie Junior kicks Charlie to the ground.)
Kangaroo Jack: Sorry about that.
Porky Pig: So, how'd it go?
Charlie Carbone: Porky? Speedy? But what about Yakko, Wakko and Dot?
Yakko Warner: Relax, Wakko, Dot and I are still here. They had us tied up until Mr. Jimmy, Porky and Speedy came to set us free.
Porky Pig: That's right. And I couldn't be happier than expected.
Speedy Gonzales: You can say that again, amigo.
Kangaroo Jack: Well, take care of yourselves. We'll see you real soon. Goodbye, mates.
(Kangaroo Jack and his family hop off as Charlie and the group laugh.)
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) So, that's my story. Well, not quite. Frankie and his goons were put away for good.
(The scene fades up to Grauman's Chinese Theater as text comes up and says "Premiere Night, Grauman's Chinese Theater" as Charlie and the group have their pictures taken during the red carpet while the song plays "Celebration" by Kool & The Gang.)
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) As for Sal, he used all his high-level connections to avoid going to prison. And you know what? It wasn't enough. Jessie? She ended up marrying some filthy-rich tycoon.
Jessie Carbone: Hey, honey.
Charlie Carbone: Hi, honey. (narrating) Yep, the filthy-rich dude, that's me. Louis and I used the 50 grand as startup money. And now Snakeskin Lily Berry Shampoo is the biggest haircare since Vidal Sassoon.
Jessie Carbone: Got the latest numbers in from Europe. Think you're gonna like them.
Charlie Carbone: I love numbers. Hey, partner? I got the new numbers.
Louis Booker: Oh, yeah, the new numbers. Those look awesome.
Bailey Carbone: Congratulations, Charlie. It looks incredible.
Bugs Bunny: Eh, I'm glad the movie might make money.
Lola Bunny: And so am I, honey.
(Bugs and Lola share one kiss.)
Daffy Duck: Well, I guess that's love at first sight.
Porky Pig: Me too.
Speedy Gonzales: And we couldn't be happier than usual.
Charlie Carbone: (narrating) So that's me, Charlie Carbone. The one with the beautiful girl, all the money I could ever want, my best uncle Bailey, my best friend Louis, and my best cartoon friends Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Lola Bunny, Porky Pig and Speedy Gonzales, who saved my life more times than they'll ever know, and now we all live happily ever after.
(Charlie and Jessie share a kiss and then the scene cuts to Kangaroo Jack.)
Kangaroo Jack: Wait a minute! The movie's called Looney Tunes: Kangaroo Jack! It should end with me! I'm a serious, classically trained actor! I can sing, I can dance and I can jump out of the way of explosions. (slaps himself in the face) Ow! Oh, yep, no, that's gonna leave a mark. And I can do impersonations. (impersonates Dr. Evil from Austin Powers) Come on, people. Throw me a freaking bone. I have a son. I shall call him Mini-Roo. (in normal voice) Now, that should be the way you end the film. (puts his sunglasses on) With the star. Someone call my agent!
(The camera pans down to the iconic loop as "That's all, folks!" appears and then Kangaroo Jack pops in.)
Kangaroo Jack: (imitates Porky Pig stammering) That's all...
Porky Pig: (shows up) Hold on a minute. Can we say it at the same time?
Kangaroo Jack: Oh, uh, sure. Let's do it.
Porky Pig: Great!
Kangaroo Jack and Porky Pig: (in unison) That's all, folks!
(The end credits roll as the songs play "Renegades" by Electrasy and "Larger Than Life" by Backstreet Boys. After the credits roll, a scene back at the casino plays, where Nasty Canasta & Cottontail Smith are seen chasing Daffy around some slot machines.)
Daffy Duck: Woo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo!
(Daffy activates one slot machine and flees. The two bandits stop at the slot machine and notice they get 3 cherries. They hold out their hats, waiting for the money to roll in, but the cherries are actually cherry bombs, which explode in their faces, and cause them to get knocked out. Cut to black. Movie ends.)