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Dude, Where's That Seal? Schooled
Asgardian or Not? is the 12th issue of Comic Con Incorporated.


Archie Andrews and Nightwing go for a series of Gym exercises while following Thor's example to prove their own worth. At the same time, Harley Quinn tries to get the Joker's good attention to make him comfortable at the hotel while Deadpool tries to impress Poison Ivy, who is already spending her day with Loki.


(chapter starts with Nightwing and Archie Andrews walking around the hotel and talking)
Nightwing: So, how did things go with Betty aned Veronica yesterday?
Archie Andrews: Nothing too new. Just the same as usual back in Riverdale. Although, they did chill a bit with each other here. Normally, they compete over my attention. Usually arguing about whose of them would go out with me. You know...
Nightwing: Yeah. I get your point. Which reminds me of how Starfire reacted when Killer Moth demanded me to go for a date with his daughter, who happens to be a bit twice as evil as he himself is. And to be honest. That girl is one you'd wish you never dated. Because... seriously...
Archie Andrews: She's five times worse than even Harley Quinn. Right?
Nightwing: A nightmare. Something of which Starfire proved not to be.
(the two see female young roomers staring at (and falling in love for) Thor, who is walking around the swiming park with Jane Foster)
Archie Andrews: And the same as usual. Girls are awaits attracted to men and their effective fitness.
Nightwing: No doubt about it. (sees himself and Archie in a mirror) And you know, maybe we should follow his example. If I heard it right from Gwen, Thor's repultation was always about worthiness and dignity. What do you think?
Archie Andrews: I couldn't agree more. I'm in.
Nightwing: So? You have a plan?
Archie Andrews: If I remember well, Sabrina told me that she, Ms. Marvel and Terra worked on sports and body exercises to follow Ms. Croft's example for effective fitness. What do you think?
Nightwing: Not a bad idea. (they continue walking) So, let's start with Ms. Marvel's idea?
Archie Andrews: You know I was just thinking of that one?
(scene shifts to Harley Quinn walking with the Joker)
Harley Quinn: C'mon now, Mr. J! Don't you wanna let out that smile you always loved to show in Gotham? Not even a small laugh?
The Joker: You know well we're not in Gotham. Don't you, Harley? I was a king of comedy back there. A star! But here, I've become nothing less than a punch-bag for duck dolls. A joke. Much worse, that little loser they once called the Red Hood.
Harley Quinn: Cheer up, Puddin'. There's gotta be something in this hotel you put'd a smile on that face for. Come on! (she cheerfully drags the depressed Joker to the direction she is running to)
(meanwhile, Deadpool is dressed as a tuxedo gentleman and is walking towards Poison Ivy, who is sitting nnear the pool)
Deadpool: (talking to himself) Alright, handsome. Let's see if you're good enough to ask the lady out. (practicing his dialogues with Ivy) "So, hottie? You and me? Movies tonight?" (pauses) Nah. Too cliche. (tries again) "Wanna go for a ride on my mo-ped?" (pauses) No. No. No. Didn't even bring those. (tries again; french accent) "You are ze most beautiful woman I have ever seen." (pauses and slaps himself) What the crud?! Pull yourself together, man! Whaddya think this is?! Some french mo-- (bumps into Floronic Man while Poison Ivy goes out with Loki. Froronic Man grabs Deadpool's head and lifts him up) (realizing the trouble he is in, he chuckles nervously and shows off some flowers) Buddies? (Froronic Man uppercuts Deadpool, sending him flying in the air) YAAAAAAA-HOO-Hoo-hoo-hooey!!! (he falls on a trash can which is being carried by Solomon Grundy. He ressurfaces and stares angrily at Loki from the distance) You haven't seen the last of me, Asgardian! That hot redhead will be mine!
(scene shifts to Archie and Nightwing at the Gym section practicing weightlifting exercises. They are doing the way Thor, who is also at the Gym, is doing)
Thor: (notices the two) Those young men from Midgard today. Following others' example to acchieve what they desire for their show of worthiness. (he, Archie and Nightwing continue their exercises; a sequence shows them in weightlifting heavy objects and punching bags. In the end of the sequence, they address to each other) You two have my respect. For working out hard to prove your worthiness. I am truly impressed.
Archie Andrews: Well... thanks a lot. For a second, we thought you'd call us worthless.
Thor: Consider yourselves in luck. After the time I've spent on Midgard, I did learn not to judge the worth of other men from other realms. Loki, on the other hand, still did not learn that too clearly. Despite his affection for that woman he shared a room with.
Nightwing: Poison Ivy? Loki? They're...? Are you sure?
Thor: Absolutely. (they see Loki and Ivy walking around)
Nightwing: Didn't see that coming.
Archie Andrews: Me neither. (then, he sees what Deadpool is trying to do) And I know whatever he's trying to do, it won't work too well. (Nightwing and Thor also notice Deadpool)
(Deadpool is in the top of a pillar wearing a wingsuit)
Deadpool: (even Ivy with Loki) Hang on, hottie. I'm saving you from this psychotic trickster... (leaps and glides in the air) NOW! (he glides towards Ivy and Loki, but again, he bumps into Floronic Man, who grabs his neck) Uncle...? (Floronic Man rapidly and repeatedly punches Deadpool in his face and tosses him like a paper plane) I'LL BE BACK!!
(meanwhile, Harley Quinn is with the Joker at the balcony of a replica of the Titanic)
Harley Quinn: (positioning the Joker in the balcony) There, Puddin'. Now, tell me. Do you feel like being the King of the World?
The Joker: (annoyed) Yes, Harley. I'm truly the King of...
Deadpool: (flying uncontrollably towards Joker) INCOMING!!!
The Joker: (realizing he is in trouble) Mother...!
(Deadpool crashes on the Joker while Archie, Nightwing and Thor simply watch)
Nightwing: Always knew those two were separated so bad.
Archie Andrews: Do tell. (pauses) So... how 'bout we do Terra's idea for a workout?
Nightwing: On it. (they walk around)
Thor: Good luck, gentlemen.
Both: (thumb up) Thanks.
(we see Deadpool and Joker laying in the ground in pain)
Harley Quinn: (horriedly) Mr. J! (rushes towards the two) Off my Puddin', Meathead! (kicks Deadpool's behind)
Deadpool: (running away) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Harley Quinn: (helps Joker up) Okay. So, that didn't work well. But I still got another idea. This one will be flawless!
The Joker: (sarcastically) Oh, I'm sure it will.
(next scene, we see Nightwing and Archie and Nightwing surfing)
Nightwing: (performs an aerial somersault) Ha! Ha! Even without wings, I can still fly!
Kid Arachnid: Sup, guys! (he and Harvey Kinkle are still are also surfing) Heckuva wave. Ain't it?
Archie Andrews: Couldn't be better.
Harley Kinkle: You sure? We could ask Aquaman and Mera to make it cooler. What do you think?
Nightwing: (he and Archie stare at each other with an interested expression) Go for it.
(we see Aquaman and Mera at the beach)
Mera: The boys want a more exciting wave, Arthur. What do you think?
Aquaman: (he sees them thumbing up) Do your best, love.
Mera: (with a confident smile) My pleasure.
(she manipulates the waves, turning them into a water tunnel, which Nightwing, Archie, Kid Arachnid and Harvey are enjoying. Meanwhile, Deadpool is in the sea spying on Poison Ivy and Loki, who are relaxing on the beach)
Deadpool: No messing up this time. (he signals for Cyborg, who is in a jetboat, to start the boat. Cyborg does so and, the boat speeds up, Deadpool begins to ski) Three... two... one... (he pulls a string in a backbag, releasing a parasail which lifts in in the air) BANZAI!! (Cyborg steers the jet boat to several inches of the sea while Deadpool tries multiple times to get Poison Ivy's attention) Hey! Could you slow it down?! I'm trying to get the redhead's attention there!
Cyborg: (clearly ignoring Deadpool) What's that? I can't hear you with from up there!
Deadpool: (shouting out with a megaphone) GET ME THAT REDHEAD, YA BIG BOZO!!
(Floronic Man listens to Deadpool, takes a jetski and drives toward Cyborg's jet boat. Then, Floronic Man cuts the rope holding Deadpool's parasail, causing Deadpool to glide uncontrollably in the sky. Meanwhile, Harley Quinn is at the beach with the Joker, who is still in bad mood)
Harley Quinn: Don't ya love a beautiful morning at the beach, puddin'? The sun? The sea? The sand?
The Joker: (sarcastically) Wonderful, Harley. Just...
(suddenly, Nightwing, Archie, Kid Arachnid and Harvey reemerge from Mera's sea tunnel and fall into the sea, causing water to be squashed in the Joker. The teens rejoice as Starfire, Betty Cooper, Veronica Lodge, Ghost Spider and Sabrina Spellman cheer as the Joker is again annoyed and moody)
The Joker: *sighs* ...just what was left for it.
Harley Quinn: Don't you worry, Puddin'. It won't happen again. I promise. (addressing to the teens angrily and loudly) And you bozos! Go splash on someone your own sizes! (the teens simply stare at her with an unimpressed fashion and ignore)
Starfire: I still fail to see what will become of this clown if she does not step away from the Joker's shadow in time.
Nightwing: Considering the many times she forgot about the bad things he did to her, I'm sure she'll be as alone as good when she's gone.
Deadpool: (falling out of the sky with the damaged parasail) LOOK OUT BELLOW!!! (he crashes in the sand, where half of his body is buried)
Archie Andrews: Okay. Nothing to see. (they walk away)
Loki: (unimpressed with Deadpool) If only for one or two months would he stop being pathetic...
Poison Ivy: Forget about him. (seductive fashion) Let's focus on us?
Loki: (interested smile) Yes. Just us.
Deadpool: (digs himself up and sees Loki walking away with Ivy) You can't win in this forever! No, you can't!
(we see the teens at the sports arena, where Archie and Nightwing are having a Basketball match with Hellboy and Wolverine)
Nightwing: (scores one against Wolverine) What's the matter, big guy? Can't keep up?
Wolverine: We're just going easy with you kids. Otherwise, you'd be in trouble.
Archie Andrews: (scores one against Hellboy) That so?
Hellboy: (to Wolverine) Gotta admit it. They ain't foolin' around.
Wolverine: (to Hellboy) Beginners' luck.
(they continue the game. Meanwhile, Harley and the Joker are in tanning beds)
Nicole the Holo-Lynx: (making a PSA about tanning beds) And please, remember to always make sure your tanning bed is at the correct temperature to avoid any morbid damage to your body.
The Joker: Is this your idea for a more fun day off? Doing nothing?
Harley Quinn: It's not just doing nothing, Puddin'. It's doing nothing to new age music in 160-degree tanning beds.
The Joker: Okay. Fine. But I don't wanna get anything like a Sun bleached skin. You remember what happened last time. Don't you?
(not too far away from there, Loki is waiting in a line of roomers who are attending to Black Widow (the spa's makeup/tattoo artist), who is right now designing heart tattoos for Julie Power)
Black Widow: (finishes the last tattoo: a heart with a inscription saying: "Mommy" in her right cheek) There you go, sweetie. Just the way you like it. Next. (Julie leaves and Terra comes in)
Deadpool: (hiding on a table and spying on Loki) Let's see how she's gonna like you now... (he loads a laser gun and aims at Loki) when I make you feel and look just like the Joker! (he fires the gun. But one second later, Loki gets down to take a ring which fell off his pocket and the laser shot hits the Joker's tanning bed, causing it to malfunction) (stunned) Ops. (he walks away whistling) Nothing to see.
The Joker: (feeling something strange) Gettin' a bit too hot. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow! Ow! Gotta get out of this thing! Ouch! (he quickly gets off his tanning bed and breathes relieved as Katie Powers sees him in shock) Yes?
Katie Powers: (running away in fear and shouting) Julie! There's a ghost clown in the spa!!
The Joker: (confused) "Ghost clown"? (in a troubled look) Do I dare look at the mirror? (sees himself in a mirror. He is looking horribly Sun bleached) (he screams hysterically in panic)
Harley Quinn: (getting off her tanning bed) Puddin'! What's wrong?! (sees the Joker and gasps in shock after seeing what happened) O-okay. I... I can fix this! D-don't panic!
The Joker: (screams) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! (runs away screaming as everyone else (including Black Widow as she is designing a tattoo behind Terra's shoulder) notices him)
Black Widow: Someone's got a pretty bad Sun burn.
Terra: That's why I don't go tanning.
Harley Quinn: Puddin'! Wait! (she runs after him) I can help you!
The Joker: Go away! Can't you take a hint?!
(the Joker continues running away while Harley continues following. Joker knocks a bucket of water from Solomon Grundy's cleaning cart, spreading water in the floor)
Harley Quinn: (still running after him) Mr. J! Mr. J! (she slips in the water from the bucket and crashes on Grundy's janitor tools, getting herself injured)
The Joker: (sees Harley weeping in pain and sighs relieved) Finally, I can get a moment to myself. (notices his burnt skin) Now, back to the room so I can do something about this.
Batman: (appearing behind him) How about "back to Arkham"? (Joker is startled)
Poison Ivy: (addressing to an injured Harley) Are you okay, honey? (Harley continues weeping as Ivy and other roomers stare angrily at Joker)
The Joker: It... it wasn't my fault! She was...
Nightwing: (interrupts) ...once again following your shadow and doing everything for you. And this is the thanks she gets?
Batgirl: As much as I hate Harley like I hate you, I would at least appreciate it if you could do here a bit of the opposite of what you do in Gotham. Including the way you treat Harley. But unfortunately, this is still you. Even in this hotel. Where villains, like even Loki here, are behaving themselves.
Cheryl Blossom: And as much as I hate having Harley in my room, that what you just did was one line you shouldn't cross.
The Joker: And... what are you gonna do? (Thanos appears and takes Joker's room key away as Kilowog tosses Joker's baggage over him) Ouch! You dimwit! Can't you see my skin's not too well?
Archie Andrews: Should've thought about that before you got to be such a moody squid with everyone around. Even (reffering to Harley) her.
Batman: (to Joker) He said it.
(next scene, we see the roomers watching as Gotham police officers take the Joker away)
Sabrina Spellman: One more thing, officer? (the officer pays attention to her and she shows him a box) Take this to him?
Police Officer: Well... sure. What's in there?
Sabrina Spellman: (winks) Just a little hotel souvenir.
(next scene, Joker is in the Police Van with his stuff)
The Joker: Well, at least I won't be seeing Harley for a long time. At least until she goes back home anyway. And what's in this box? (he opens the box. Suddenly, the same duck doll burst out of the box) (panicking) Oh, you gotta be kidding me! (the duck hisses at him) Mother! (scene cuts to outside the van, where Joker is heard screaming. We see Batgirl with Sabrina)
Batgirl: Now that, honey... was super! (hugs her and they giggle)
Sabrina Spellman: Well... I don't like Harley either. But I did love seeing how much bad luck she and that buffoon brought to each other.
Batgirl: You know what? Me too. (they keep watching the van leave as the Joker is heard screaming)

"The End"

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