Deadpool 2/Transcript


 * Deadpool: "It's DP here. You know, it has been three years since my movie came out and it... was... the shit! In fact, I get very attracted by a sexually steamy girl named Janice and a strong guy named Cable."
 * Deadpool: "Did you know that Janice Karson is the most beautiful porno girl since Pam Anderson?"
 * Deadpool: "Guess what, Janice?"
 * Janice: "Yes, Wade?"
 * Deadpool: "I invented my own condom called the Merc which cannot just protect you but make you have more steamy orgasms!"
 * Deadpool: "Okay, Let's do it real good."
 * Janice: "I love your dirty talk. It makes me dreamy."
 * Deadpool: "Sidenote: this woman has the physical appearance of Amanda Seyfried. She is fucking hot!"
 * Deadpool: "Look at me, Janice."
 * Janice: "Your face is like a johnson with herpes."
 * Deadpool: "Precisely. Like the one ugly motherfucker."
 * Janice: "What are you referencing?"
 * Deadpool: "Predator. He was in MKX with the Xenomorph and..."
 * Janice: "I get it, Wade."
 * Deadpool: "We can't see Ajax or Francis again due to budget issues. Also, we don't see steeldick or silent girl."
 * Sew-er: "That foul-mouthed menace must be stopped. He makes the world stagnant with his dreadful mouth and dissemination of obscenities."
 * Deadpool: "Hey, Sew-er! You talk like Rameses with Moses' ring in your ass!"
 * Sew-er: "Such language! I'LL KILL YOU, DEMON!"
 * Deadpool: "Do I look like a green ogre that had sex with Walt Disney?"
 * Janice: "No. You actually look like a snake had scrotalitis."
 * Deadpool: "Scrotalitis isn't real!"
 * Deadpool: "Vanessa was an okay woman, although her drapes are a trainwreck. That's why I met Janice online."
 * Deadpool: "Since there are kids around, I won't say the s-word this time. Instead, I would say the Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter."
 * Janice: "My libido is so high that I might want to get fucked."
 * Deadpool: "That's fucking right because we touched our dicks tonight! You don't have a dick, right?"
 * Deadpool: "Hi, Seti!"
 * Xavier: "I am actually Charles Xavier."
 * Deadpool: "Please say "One weak link can break the chain of a mighty dynasty!" You must be the reincarnation of either a pharaoh, a CIA director or a fucking testicle king named Cumbot! Sorry, his name is Goobot."
 * Sew-er: "I always wanted a utopia free of crime, violence, sexuality and most importantly, profanity."
 * Deadpool: "Suck my cock!"
 * Sew-er: "That word means male genitals, you idiot!"
 * Sew-er: "I will take your mouth from your hideous face."
 * Deadpool: "How about you take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick? I just made a Blade Trinity reference. Hannibal King must be me from the future."
 * Sew-er: "I have always imagined if your mouth was sewn shut for good."
 * Deadpool: "I have always wondered if you didn't see that movie that ruined my career!"
 * Sew-er: "SHUT UP!"
 * Sew-er: "Mr. Wilson. What good is profanity if you're unable to speak?"
 * Deadpool: "A Matrix reference. You're kidding right!?"
 * Sew-er: "No, you cretin! I'm trying to promote sanitation for the mouths of every being in this world. Including the man by the name of James Howlett."
 * Deadpool: "Did he say 'go fuck yourself' or 'fuck off'?"
 * Sew-er: "Profanity is the quintessential delusion you have. Simultaneously, the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness. Ergo, those that use profanity will either have their mouths sown shut or will die by my hand."
 * Deadpool: "Come on, you bitch!"
 * Sew-er: "Such vocabulary is very informal for everyone. Thus, they would use the phrase 'licentious strumpet'."
 * Deadpool: "What the fuck are you saying?"
 * Sew-er: "SILENCE! I'm going to sew your mouth right now if you say an informality in front of my pure face!"
 * Deadpool: "You horse-humping thunder-cunt!!"
 * Sew-er: "FINE, YOU COLORFUL-MOUTHED WORM! ONCE I SEW YOUR MOUTH SHUT, I WILL CHEW ON YOUR EYEBALLS AFTER I PLUCK THEM OUT!!"