Who Kidnapped Roger Rabbit?/Transcript

= Fiction/Transcript =

1. Opening/Hollywood

 * Disney Logo.
 * [Sunlight flashes at the camera.]
 * [We look down from the air at the Pacific Ocean. We zoom across it until we see California. We zoom in to a place called Hollywood. The place is populated by cartoon characters and humans. There's Chip 'n Dale, Huey, Dewey, & Louie, and other characters you're familiar with.]
 * (Disney presents)
 * [Fiction]
 * [2022, entrance of Harper Studios]
 * [Benny the Cab, with Roger inside, drives into a movie studio lot titled "Crafty Studios". Benny passes by some cars, people, and toons.]
 * Roger Rabbit: Whee!
 * Benny the Cab: Hang on tight, Roger!
 * Roger: Ride 'em! Giddyap, Benny!
 * Benny: Hey, Lady, get the HONK! outta the way! [A woman shrieks in terror.]
 * [Guido places a tire in his tire tower. He and Luigi are happy with it and a photographer takes a photo of it.]
 * Photographer: Smile. [The photo is taken, then Benny passes by the tire tower, startling them.]
 * Benny: Hey, Luigi and Guido! Nice Tower!
 * Roger: Fantastico!
 * [Jonas, Joseph, and Johnson wait outside of Stage 10 when Benny arrives next to them.]
 * Benny: Your rabbit is here, boys.
 * Jonas Fiction: Thanks, Benny. [Jonas and his brothers take Roger inside.]
 * Roger: Oh boy, I'm dying to see this. It makes me think all of shorts with me and Baby Herman. [While Roger is still talking, Lightning McQueen and Mater drive up next to Benny.]
 * Lightning: Hey, Benny. What's up?
 * Benny: Lightning McQueen and Mater. I drove Roger to this stage. They're filming History of Fiction.
 * Mater: I'm sure that film will be fu-un.
 * [In the studio building, everyone is getting the movie ready. Roger runs and sits in a chair so he can see the film.]
 * Roger: I can't wait to see this.
 * Script Supervisor: (To Jonas, Joseph, and Johnson) Alright, boys. You all rehearsed and ready?
 * Jonas, Joseph, Johnson: We're ready.
 * Script Supervisor: (To director) They're ready!
 * Director: Okay. Ahem. (Through megaphone) Places, everyone! Quiet on the set! History of Fiction is about to begin! (Normal Volume to Walter Marcus) And for the three words. (Through megaphone) Lights! Camera!
 * Cameraman: Speed!
 * Assistant Cameraman: (Claps the clapperboard) Marker!
 * Director: And action!

2. History of Fiction/Accident on Stage

 * [Movie starts with words, History of Fiction, and a fanfare. An artist paints a picture of Mickey Mouse on an easel with Mickey Mouse next to him in a living room.]
 * Robert Art: (Looks at Camera) Oh hi. I didn't see you guys there. I'm Robert Art, and you know Mickey.
 * Mickey: (Waves) Hi, everybody. Check out this painting of me. Isn't it neat?
 * Robert Art: (Chuckles) Such a nice guy.
 * Jonas: He sure is.
 * Joseph: Absolutely.
 * Johnson: Yeah, sure.
 * Robert Art: Huh? Oh, boys. You're just in time for the History of Fiction.
 * Jonas: Oh please, tell us.
 * Joseph: I want to hear it so bad.
 * Johnson: Tell us now.
 * Robert Art: Oh-ho kay. Sit down. [The three brothers sit down.] Back in 1906, [Screen fades to 1906, black and white] J. Stuart Blackton created and released Humorous Phases with Funny Faces. [Blackton draws an old man on a chalkboard.] That was the day cartoons came to life. [The old man drawing looks at Blackton and winks, surprising him.] Literally.
 * [Cuts to 1926]
 * Robert Art: Later, Walt Disney, the founder of Disney Studios, came up a design for his toon after Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. [Walt thinks as he draws.] He made this guy short-statured and gave him simplistic clothing: red shorts and yellow shoes, white gloves, four fingers instead of five on each hand, a high voice, sliced pies for eyes and three circles for the head, two small ones for the ears. [1926 Mickey Mouse comes to life and dances, much to Walt's surprise.] And what do we get?
 * Mickey: (Offscreen) Mickey Mouse.
 * Robert Art: (Offscreen) That's right. Mickey Mouse. There's also Minnie Mouse. [The story goes as Robert tells it.] Since the Golden Age, many toons like Bugs Bunny, Woody Woodpecker, Betty Boop, and Tinkerbell were born. In the 1950's, we then used computers to create patterns animation cels called CGI, Computer-Generated Imagery. CGI was used for 3D animations and the first film with all CGI was Toy Story. Some of the 2D toons went into CGI surgery, and some CGI toons jumped from a screen when they come to life. The CGI animation got more realistic and detailed as the years passed.
 * Joseph: (Offscreen) What did we do while not filming?
 * Robert Art: (Offscreen) For the toons themselves, they didn't have any jobs except entertain the audience. In 1994, they officially get real jobs. [Screen fades back to the room.] And that is the History of Fiction.
 * Director: (Through megaphone) And cut! Good job, everyone, because that's a wrap!
 * Roger: What a great story! What genius! [Walter rolls his eyes] Walter Marcus! (Shakes hands with Walter) That was amazing.
 * Mickey: Yep, it sure was.
 * Walter Marcus: Yeah, you bet. Too bad Oswald's not here.
 * Johnson: Yeah, if he was smart enough to take his role on the script, then he wouldn't have missed it. Such a stupid rabbit, am I right? [Jonas and Joseph glare at him.] What?
 * Jessica Rabbit: Walter, there's someone who wants to meet you tonight at Harper's. (Hands Walter a card) She's a waitress.
 * Walter: Helga Krupnick?
 * Roger: She's Jessica's sister. She has a passion for singing and dancing. She even likes improv, do you like improv?
 * Walter: (Puts card in his pocket) No. And I do not plan on improvising.
 * Roger: Well, I'm sure you'll soften up. Not everything has to be serious, you just have to laugh a little, have some humor! [Roger slides on a banana peel towards the fake living room. As Jonas, Joseph, and Johnson move out of his way, WHAM, Roger causes the movie set to fall apart.]
 * Supervisor: No, the stage! [A spotlight falls from the ceiling. Roger pops out from the messed up set and walks dizzily with stars around his head.]
 * Roger: Hey look. There's stars around my head.
 * Supervisor: ROGER! [Roger snaps out of it.] You've ruined the whole set! I've had it with your recklessness!
 * Walter: It wasn't his fault, this banana peel wasn't here when the film ended.
 * Supervisor: This doesn't concern you, Marcus. (To Roger) You! Are! FIRED! [As the supervisor walks away in anger, Roger clings to his ankles, causing himself to be dragged.]
 * Roger: P-p-p-p-please! Don't send me out! (Bursts into tears) Acting, singing, and dancing is my only dream since I was little bunny!
 * Cedric the Sorcerer: (To Supervisor) Ahem. There will be no firing in here today. All it needs is a little magic. Watch this. (Waves his wand) Crumble, bungle full of fun, fix the damage that was done! [The fake living room set magically returns to its original position before Roger destroyed it.]
 * Supervisor: Well. (Yanks his ankles out of Roger's grip) I forgot you were here, Cedric.
 * Cedric: Should I make this peel disappear?
 * Supervisor: No, just keep it. It makes people laugh.
 * Roger: (Gulp) Am I fired?
 * Supervisor: Nah. I just improvised, we would never fire you. [Roger's anxiety fades and Jonas smiles.] But be careful next time! (Walks out angrily)
 * Roger: Jeepers, I knew that.
 * Jessica: By the way, there's carrot cake waiting for us in the café. Shall we go, Honey Bunny?
 * Roger: We certainly shall, love-cup. [The two lovebirds hold hands and walk out of the stage. Jonas stares at them with heart-shaped eyes.]
 * Jonas: (To Walter) Ahh... Aren't they lovely?
 * Walter: (Nods) Uh-huh. [Walter examines the banana peel for a second then shrugs and tosses in the trash can.]
 * Producer #1: Mr. Marcus, we've got 6 scenes of Wild Mongers to go. [He hands Walter his script. The latter smokes on his e-cigarette, then gets ready for his role.]

3. Wild Mongers/Walking to Harper's

 * [Time skip, fade to 4:45 pm]
 * [The last scene is all set; Walter, dressed as a white cowboy on a horse, next to an actress, dressed as a western citizen.]
 * Director: (Through megaphone) Okay, people! This is the last scene and it's almost after sunset!
 * Cameraman: Speed!
 * Assistant Cameraman: (Claps the clapperboard) Marker!
 * Director: And action!
 * [Outside of the saloons, Sheriff Tuff (Walter) is about to run off into the sunset with Lucky Rocks Ann (The actress) next to him.]
 * Lucky Rocks Ann: Are you sure you must go? We could use a sheriff in our town.
 * Tuff: Don't 'ya worry, you'll always have a sheriff in town. If you need any help, just call me. I'll be back again someday. So long, Lucky Rocks Ann. [Lucky sheds a tear for her goodbye]
 * Lucky Rocks Ann: So long, Sheriff Tuff!
 * Tuff: Heigh-ho, Silver! Away! [Tuff's horse runs off into the sunset. Words "THE END" appear on the screen.]
 * Director: (Through megaphone) And cut! That's a wrap, folks! [Walter dismounts his horse and stretches.]
 * Walter: Ooh yeah. That feels good.
 * Director: (Normal Volume) That was a great performance, Marcus.
 * Walter: Yep. (Blows his fist and rubs his chest) I loved it.
 * Monkey Joe: Hi! That was epic. But you can always show improv. Pizzazz. [Monkey Joe sprays his water flower in Walter's face, soaking him wet. He wears an annoyed expression and wipes his face off.] What's the matter? Did rain fall of you? [The agitated Walter grabs Joe by the neck and holds him face to face.]
 * Walter: (Sternly) Get it through for small head, chimp. I. Don't. Do! IMPROV! [He slams Monkey Joe in front of Director.]
 * Monkey Joe: Geez, it was just a joke. (To Director) What's with him?
 * Director: A comedian killed Ro-Bert. Crushed him with a safe.
 * Walter: If you'll excuse me, I need to go to dinner. [He changes into his normal clothes and exits Stage 10.] I have someone nice "waiting" for me. [Outside the entrance, Benny parks in front of Walter.]
 * Benny: So, where to? In-N-Out Burger, Carson Kitchen? Anywhere! You name it! [Walter walks off.]
 * Walter: No thanks. I'm walking to Harper's. You just make a mess.
 * Benny: Okay, maybe next time. I'll go one more time around the studio. [He starts driving crazy around the studio lot. Walter facepalms as Benny drives crazy.]
 * Walter: Comedians. They're too messy and chaotic. [He continues his walk and looks at the toons in the studio lot. First he sees a toon and a human between stages 10 and 9.]
 * Toon: Where do you put hippos when you're playing?
 * Human Man: What?
 * Toon: A hippoPOTamus. [As the two guys laugh, Walter gives an exasperated sign and walks away.]
 * Walter: And stupid. And way over the top. Oh! [He bumps into a blue-skinned Shirley Temple, which is the Genie in disguise.] Sorry, little girl. (Stands back up) I didn't see... Wait, you're not a little girl.
 * Genie: (As Monterey Jack) Well, I'll be a shrimp on the barbie! (As himself, extatically) You're Walter Marcus! How did you know it was me?
 * Walter: Shirley Temple looked like a Smurf. I've seen a lot of cartoons when I was young.
 * Genie: (To viewers) I guess the blue skin was a bit obvious. (To Walter) So, where you going?
 * Walter: Harper's. To meet someone named Helga Krupnick.
 * Genie: Ooh! You have a date? She seems nice.
 * Walter: No, she's a waitress. And a toon.
 * Genie: I'm sure she'll be pleased to meet you.
 * Walter: I highly doubt that.
 * Genie: (As 60's hippie) Look here dude, your great grandpa Eddie Valiant would be so happy for you to take a chance with this girl.
 * Walter: What does my great grandpa know?
 * Genie: Single women love a warm-hearted man. (As Dolores) Eddie cleared out Goofy's name, and he rescued Donald's nephews. He was amazing. (As himself) In other words, you have to be yourself. [Walter gives an sad sigh, knowing the Genie is right.]
 * Walter: Alright. I'll do it. (Walks off) For her.
 * Genie: (In excitement) That's the spirit! [As Walter is about to cross the street, Genie magically appears in front of him, startling him.] And one more thing. If you ever get into a lot of trouble, you're gonna need this. [He reveals a red joy buzzer in his hands. Walter looks confused.]
 * Walter: A joy buzzer?
 * Genie: Not just any joy buzzer. (As game show host) It's a kill buzzer! Doesn't actually kill. With this beauty, you can stun your enemies! They'll be immobilized for less than a minute!
 * Walter: Forget it, Genie. I'm not a comedian. [Walter tries to walk past Genie but the latter blocks the former.]
 * Genie: No, I insist. You must take it.
 * Walter: (Breathes deeply annoyed) If you insist, I'll take it. [He takes the joy buzzer and puts it his pocket then walks off.] But I won't thank you for it. [Genie smiles warmly.] Comic reliefs. [Walter presses a button on a lamppost and the STOP hand becomes a GO walking figure. As the cars stop, Walter walks the crosswalk and exits the Crafty Studios lot while whistling "Heigh-Ho" from Snow White. He turns right on the sidewalk from the studio gate.