Angry Birds X: The Fine-Feathered Movie/Transcript

Scene 1: Prologue

 * [It fades into a view of a hyper realistic version of Piggy Island, zooming into detailed versions of the Flock and Pigs duking it out against each other, when Bomb interrupts, tearing the screen open]
 * Bomb: I-I-Is this someone's idea of a joke? No? It's stupid either way, who asked for a live-action reboot of our show? We've already had those chipmunks, the blue things and Yogi Bear! This is pathetic! Those Warner Bros. executives are just dense.
 * [It zooms out, showing the Flock watching test footage of it, in anger]
 * Red: Truly dense.
 * Chuck: This is an outrage!
 * Matilda: I say we protest!
 * [The rest of the Flock mutter and argue about it]
 * Bomb: Shhh. We can sort this out... Shhhhh. Hello? Guys! [whistles, but they continue] Shut your mouths! [they stop talking] Guys, I'll handle this.
 * Matilda: In what way? In what?
 * Bomb: We could always, just... you know... talk to them. Talk to the Warner fellas and get this abomination fixed up!
 * Hal: That seems about right, mate.
 * Bomb: To the Warner Bros. Studio! Let's move out!
 * [The Flock all walk across the city to the Warner Bros. studio, with Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Wile E. Coyote, Roadrunner, Bubbles, Blossom, Buttercup, Dexter, Dee-Dee, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Mac, Bloo, Flapjack, Finn, Jake, Mordecai, Rigby, Gumball, Darwin, Tom, Jerry, Chowder, Droopy, Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, the Flinstones, the Jetsons, Mystery Inc., Yogi Bear, Boo Boo, Snagglepuss, Wally Gator and Hokey Wolf protesting Warner Bros. and rooting for the Flock.]
 * Finn: Should we make a solemn vow to never make a deal with Hollywood to never make a live-action adaptation of our shows, guys?
 * Chowder and Flapjack: Agreed!
 * Mr. Hollywood: Aren't these cute, BUT THEY'RE WRONG!!!
 * [At the Warner Bros. studio, we see the WaterTower, and as a reference to Animaniacs, Yakko, Wakko and Dot burst through to see them]
 * Yakko: Gee, what're they all doing here? [looks down and sees the Flock going to the Warner Bros. Studio, but then falls out] Oof!
 * [The Flock see him]
 * Bomb: Oh, hey, hey, Yakko. You good?
 * Yakko: I'm fine... What're you guys doing?
 * Chuck: In case you're wondering.... [holds out a lawsuit] WE'RE SUING WARNER BROS. FOR MAKING A LIVE-ACTION ADAPTATION OF OUR SHOW!! Worse, our show's only been airing since 2013!
 * Yakko: Mm? [grabs the lawsuit] Huh... [turns around to Wakko and Dot] Well, sibs! Looks like they got the live-action treatment!
 * Dot: Oh, dear.
 * Wakko: Well, that sucks.
 * Red: Mm-hm.
 * [The rest of the gang walk into the studio headquarters]
 * Steven: Come on, man. Follow us.
 * [The Flock follow the Toons until they came across Ralph T. Guard]
 * Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, doc?
 * Ralph T. Guard: ...Yeah, what's up, uh... [chuckles] ...wabbit?
 * Bomb: [comes up to Ralph T. Guard] We'll tell you what's up, Ralph!
 * Red: Your studio has made a live-action adaptation of our show!
 * Chuck: And we're gonna put a stop to it! That way we won't suffer the way Scooby-Doo or the Smurfs did!
 * Yogi Bear: Don't forget me! Then again, at least I had a pretty solid film a few decades ago. [singing] Let's have a parade that we can call our own...
 * Ralph T. Guard: [laughs mockingly] Really, guys? Come on, those films were financially great!
 * Hal: Yeah, they did make a lot of money, but they ranged from critically mixed to critically panned! So out of our way, please.
 * Ralph T. Guard: I won't let you, fools! [tries to run to them, but slips on the floor, and lands his head in a bucket of water] Aw, shucks, I forgot we just mopped.
 * Chuck: Poor oblivious Ralph. Anyway!
 * [The Flock dart into the Warner Bros. Studio]
 * [They then get to Thaddeus Plotz and the Warner Brothers' office and knocks the door]
 * Thaddeus Plotz: [off-screen] What?
 * [They kick the door open, looking angry]
 * Red: WE'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU, PLOTZ!
 * Thaddeus Plotz: How rude. What could you want?!
 * Red: Our leadership could tell you!
 * Bomb: We heard you're adapting our show into a live-action movie! Listen, Plotz! We'd like to have our movie to be traditionally animated! In fact, we don't just want it...
 * Red, Chuck and Bomb: We demand it.
 * Hal: What they said!
 * Thaddeus Plotz: [laughs sarcastically] No.
 * Bomb: Yes!
 * Thaddeus Plotz: No! Look, you birds. Traditionally animated feature films are old hat now. We're in the 21st century for crying out loud! We have more competition now, thanks to Warner Animation Group. Certainly more than when we did when Warner Bros. Feature Animation was made in 1994.
 * Chuck: Listen, we know that most of them were financial failures. The Iron Giant, the one with the two-headed dragon, the Bill Murray one, the whole shazam. But can you at least give us another shot on a traditionally animated film?!
 * Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup Utonium: [zoom in Plotz' office] And not have it bomb at the box office, like what your marketing did with our movie back in 2002!
 * Thaddeus Plotz: I severely refuse! Look, the point is, this trend of live-action adaptations of cartoons are financially successful, fans of the source material can say what they will about them, and 2D animated films based on animated shows are a thing of the past, and so are you!
 * Thaddeus Plotz & the Warner Bros.: SECURITY!
 * Chuck: Birdseed.
 * [They all run away from Thaddeus Plotz, the Warner Bros. and the security guard; Thaddeus Plotz bumps into the bucket Ralph T. Guard is in, tipping it over, letting Ralph T. Guard stand up]
 * Ralph T. Guard: Thanks, boss! [tries to pull off the bucket with his head, but he slips on the still wet floor, making him let go of the bucket, making his body squash together and fall on the floor] Oof!
 * [The security guard captures the flock and throws them out the studio]
 * Security Guard: Get out and stay out! [slams the door]
 * Chuck: Of course you realize, this means war! I'm gonna make a phone call! [makes a call with Yosemite Sam]
 * [Yosemite Sam picks up]
 * Yosemite Sam: [in singsong voice] Hello?
 * Chuck: [irritated] Hey, Sam.
 * Yosemite Sam: Hey, Chuck! What's got'ya mad this time?
 * Chuck: [chuckles] Nothing. Except GREEDY CORPORATE HACKS BURDENING OUR OWN SHOW!
 * Yosemite Sam: In what way?
 * Chuck: By making a stupid live-action adaptation of it!
 * Yosemite Sam: Really? The ol' live-action treatment? I thought that died out with Smurfs!
 * Hal: [grabs the phone] We all thought so, mate! It turns out we've all been hornswoggled, thanks to Jem and the Holograms and Woody Woodpecker's live action disasters!
 * Stella: And we're gonna fix it, AND FAST!
 * Yosemite Sam: I think you'll... well... I think you'll need a little company, per say.
 * Chuck: You really mean it?
 * Yosemite Sam: Well, sure! I better stop yours before mine! I can't imagine what Space Jam 3's gonna look like...
 * Chuck: Trust me, you don't wanna know!
 * Yosemite Sam: Don't sweat it. I'll take care of this.
 * Chuck: Thanks, Yosemite Sam! [ends the call] He's coming in three...
 * [Yosemite Sam is already there]
 * Yosemite Sam: I'm here, Chuck!
 * Chuck: [surprised] AAH! [turns around] Oh. That was fast!
 * Bomb: Let's try giving Warner Bros. a piece of our mind again, shall we? Now that we got Yosemite Sam, birds!
 * The Flock: [altogether] LET'S DO THIS!!!
 * [Back at Thaddeus Plotz and the Warner Bros.' office, where the Flock bust in]
 * Red: [in singsong voice] Oh, Plotz! [back to normal voice] Someone would like to have a word with you!
 * Thaddeus Plotz: I ALREADY TOLD YOU, MORONS, I AIN'T GIVIN' YOU A TRADITIONALLY ANIMATED FILM AND I NEVER WI-
 * [Yosemite Sam runs in, holding Thaddeus Plotz and gunpoint with a six-shooter]
 * Hal: We'll let Sam do the honors, mate! [darts off]
 * Yosemite Sam: So what do ya say? Do ya give in?
 * Thaddeus Plotz: No!
 * Yosemite Sam: [holds the gun to his face, where the hole gets his cheek stuck, leading him being in the gun] Oh, I see you're thirsty for more!
 * Thaddeus Plotz: Yes!!!
 * Yosemite Sam: Ha-ha-ha! You sure?
 * Thaddeus Plotz: IT'S NOT HAPPENING, YOU-
 * [Yosemite Sam shoots Thaddeus Plotz out of the six shooter, with the bullet in his hair]
 * Thaddeus Plotz: [petrified] OKAY, FINE!!!
 * Yosemite Sam: Alright! We did it, chaps!
 * Chuck: Thanks, Sam!
 * Bomb: Glad we have this talk, Plotz! Just don't have our movie be directed by Raja Gosnell, Thaddeus. As we all toons know, Raja Gosnell is the cinematic equivalent of the phrase, "No refunds".
 * [The Toons are cheering for the Flock when they succeeded, then the Flock got out of the studio]
 * Bomb: We succeeded, folks! Now see ya in three years.
 * [3 years later, we see The Flock and every Toon gathering for the first screening of their first 2D-animated movie in a live-action theater]
 * [The prologue ends]

Scene 2: Introduction

 * [The logos play]
 * [After the logos play, we fade into a shot of Piggy Island, celebrating the First Annual All-Toon Companionship Festival]
 * [We zoom into King Matthew Smoothcheeks, the pigs, and the Flock ready to send a lot of invitations to every single Toon in Toontown, and Bomb waking up for his morning routine.]
 * Bomb: [narrating] Most people think it's simple being a cartoon character. They say it's a piece of cake. Ha, that's a laugh! And I should know. You see, cartoon characters, also known as "Toons," are really just actors. We live in a place called Toontown, and we go to work like anybody else. Take me, for instance. Me and my flock spend most of our time on movie sets at Rovio Animation and Cartoon Network Studios. But let's not jump around the bush, ladies and gentlemen. [We zoom into a restuarant Chez Piggy, where Edgar Baconhooves begins to steal the eggs but got foiled by the flock] Allow me to introduce Edgar Baconhooves, the most dastardly pig in all of Piggy Island. He is evil and clever. Edgar and his henchmen, Marf, Gramps, and Frank, schemed to steal the eggs, so they can have an omelet feast. But each time, they were foiled by us, the greatest flock of heroes who ever lived... The Angry Birds!
 * [The title for the movie appears: Angry Birds X: The Fine-Feathered Movie]
 * [After that, Chuck goes up to Bomb]
 * Chuck: Hey, Bomb! You got the invitation yet?
 * Bomb: [chuckles] You bet I have, man. In fact, I got premium!
 * Chuck: Premium? What's premium?
 * Bomb: Eh, it's not much. I just paid an extra couple bucks so the writers try not to make me a Gary Stu in the next episode.
 * [Red comes along]
 * Red: What? You ain't a Gary Stu.
 * Bomb: It's called writer's block.
 * Hal: Y'aven't heard of it, mate?
 * Red: Actually, I have. Writer's block is a condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing.
 * Chuck: [chuckles] Calm it, teacher. Aren't you invited, Red?
 * Red: What do you think?! Mm-hm. Yes. I am. Positive.
 * Terence: Speaking of invitations, your leadership. When will the guests arrive?
 * Bomb: They haven't gotten them yet, Terence. But I have got the eggs, cuz', [chuckles] why let these kids miss it?
 * [We cut to the Piggy Blimp, as the pigs begin to send invitations to every single Toon in Toontown; it then zooms out to Chez Piggy, where Edgar Baconhooves and his minions, Marf, El Porkador, Frank, Jeff McBacon, Professor Percy Pigsworth, and Gramps, were spying on them]
 * Edgar: [gritting his teeth] Well, zis is just peachy!
 * Gramps: I w-w-w-w-wouldn't c-c-call it p-peachy, per say, more-
 * Edgar: SILENCE! [gets back to his binoculars] For 5 gruelling years, The Flock have always foiled my plans of stealing eggs again and again and again and MOTHERFLOCKING GOSHDARN AGAIN!!
 * Jeff: Calm down, Ed...
 * Edgar: I already told you not to call me Ed, Jeff.
 * Marf: But he's right! Whatever will we do, Eddie?
 * Edgar: Don't call me Eddie either.
 * Marf: S-sorry...
 * Frank: Edgoulous?
 * Edgar: No.
 * Gramps: Eggy Edgar?
 * Edgar: No!
 * Mark, El Porkador, Frank, Jeff, Percy and Gramps: Edeus Garoulous?
 * Edgar: NO, YOU NITWITS! JUST CALL ME "SIR"!
 * TBA