Angry Video Game Nerd: Pixels/Transcript

The Nerd: Welcome to another movie review of Cinemassacre. 10 years ago, I reviewed Ricky 1 for the Nostalgia Critic. Now, a lot of people are just requesting me to review the worst film of 2015. And surprisingly, it wasn't Marvel Studios' Ant-Man, nor was it Lucasfilm's Star Wars: The Force Awakens and Aardman's Shaun the Sheep movie. (clears throat) However, that movie is the worst film of all time: Pixels.

(the scene shows the opening title of Pixels)

The Nerd: Back in 2015, I've been getting a request to review Pixels, and at first, I didn't understand why. But I think the real truth is that it's one of the failure films of 2015. I should've called this the crowning achievement of failure from the production company Happy Madison. This is Adam Sandler's production company that seems to reward the strange phenomenon that despite someone like Sandler having many different talents, he somehow makes millions by insultingly using none of them. And thus, Happy Madison has been producing the other films with an actor such as Little Nicky, Eight Crazy Nights, Bedtime Stories, Grown-Ups, Jack and Jill, and That's My Boy becuase the name of an actor is Adam Sandler. (shows posters of Little Nicky, Eight Crazy Nights, Bedtime Stories, Grown-Ups, Jack and Jill, and That's My Boy.)

The Nerd: This is an SNL cast member who had great talent, jokes and others. He even had some of his hit movies like Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Waterboy, The Wedding Singer, Big Daddy, Punch Drunk Love, 50 First Dates, Spanglish, Click, You Don't Mess With the Zohan and Funny People. (posters of Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Waterboy, The Wedding Singer, Big Daddy, Punch Drunk Love, 50 First Dates, Spanglish, You Don't Mess with the Zohan and Funny People are shown.)

The Nerd: And whatever the case, Sandler starred in this fucking hunk of shit with Kevin James, Michelle Monaghan, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage and Brian Cox. How bad is it? Well, Rotten Tomatoes has given it 17%. And according to what I hear, some of the awards earned this movie by the Golden Raspberry Awards.

The Nerd: That bad, people, that bad! So, without further ado, let's first address what everyone's already been talking about how similar this movie is to a Futurama episode. (shows a picture of the original short film Pixels) Despite the movie being based on the short film, (shows pictures of the Futurama episode, Anthology of Interest II) there's a Futurama episode where the video games from the 1980's attack the future city that's pretty damn close in comparison to this. But I'm choosing to judge this on its own merits. Because much like (posters of) Osmosis Jones and Inside Out, even if it's been done before, what matters is what they can bring to it that's new and good. And now, let's see how bad this movie looks like. This is Pixels. (pause) Really? Just 17%? (The Rotten Tomatoes graphic appears with a 17% right next to it. The Nerd sighs and hides his head in his hand in fear) Anyhow, the Nostalgia Critic reviewed this movie and that's why he's here to help me review the movie.

Nostalgia Critic: Yep, I sure did 3 years ago. And now it's your turn.

The Nerd: All right. Let's do this. (inserts the Blu-ray disc of Pixels into his PlayStation 4) It begins with the young versions of Sam Brenner and William Cooper at an arcade championship and they meet a boy named Ludlow Lamonsoff the Wonder Kid who doesn't have friends and lives with his grandmother named Mickey.

Mickey Lamonsoff: (holds up a six-pack bottle of Yoo-hoo) Yoo-hoo!

The Nerd: That was the first joke, Critic. She says "Yoo-hoo" while she holds up a six-pack bottle of Yoo-hoo.