Ed, Edd n Eddy the Movie: The Ed-Touchables/Transcript

This is the transcript of the animated reboot film of Ed, Edd n Eddy, Ed, Edd n Eddy the Movie: The Ed-Touchables

Part 1: Opening/Meet the Eds
(Shows Cartoon Network logo)

Cartoon Network

presents

An

a.k.a. Cartoon

Production

A

Danny Antonucci

film

(The scene fades to a long-shot view of the cul-de-sac. It looks peaceful and quiet. The title flashes on the screen.)

ED, EDD N EDDY: THE ED-TOUCHABLES

(A backyard is shown. There is a kiddie pool set up with a toy boat gently rocking in it. Behind the pool is a clothesline, strung with clothes.)

Based on the TV Series and Characters Created by

Danny Antonucci

(A sprinkler is watering Kevin's lawn. Kevin's bike is leaned against the garage. A close-up is shown of the sprinkler moving back and forth before looking at another house across the street.)

Written by

Jono Howard

Mike Kubat

Rachel Connor

Stacy Warnick

Danny Antonucci

(Rolf's tractor is sitting abandoned in a field of weeds. Rolf seems to have been mowing the lawn before suddenly stopping for some unknown reason. The wind blows, and some dandelion seeds come loose and float to another lawn, where a checkers game seems to have been in progress. A half-finished bottle of soda and a can of wood varnish occupy each end of the board.)

Music by

Patric Caird

(An abandoned basketball is seen next to a game of hopscotch. Strangely, the number on the end is 62, and the square is incomplete. Following the said trail, we find some broken chalk, two abandoned shoes, a skateboard with the wheels still rolling, and a dropped ice-cream cone on which ants are crawling.)

Directed by

Danny Antonucci

(The scene cuts to a blue house. Inside the house lives a weak but intelligent 14-year-old boy. The scene cuts to the boy inside his room. He uses a labeler to label the stuff in his room, such as a desk lamp labeled "Desk Lamp", a bookshelf full of books labeled "Books", a desk labeled "Desk", a laptop labeled "Computer", and an alarm clock labeled "Alarm Clock". Around the room can be seen other evidence of his labeling, such as a bed labeled "Sack" and a label reading "Door Knob" next to the doorknob.)

Boy: 4,820, 4,821, 4,822, 4,823, 4,824... Ooh, I like what you've done with that tunnel. 4,825, 4,826, 4,827, 4,828, 4,829, 4,830, 4,831, 4,832, 4,833, 4834, 4,835, 4,836, and finally, 4,837. Well, that's everybody. Four thousand eight hundred and... (does some calculations on an abacus) ...thirty-seven.

(The boy places a label reading "Ants: 4,837" on his ant farm.)

Boy: There. Almost done.

(The doorbell then rings. He walks down to get the door. Upon opening it, he finds out that there's no one there. He is halfway up the steps when the doorbell rings again. He goes down to get the door and, once again, there's no one there. He tests the doorbell and then goes upstairs. Once again, he gets halfway up before the doorbell rings again. He rushes down to get it.)

Boy: Now, please.

(A water bucket falls on his head. The boy closes the door and once again starts up the steps only to have the bell ring when he's halfway up. He goes down to get the door and looks up carefully to make sure there are no unpleasant surprises. Just as he's about to stop looking up, a fish hits him in the face. He stands there stunned for a few seconds and then heads up the stairs, an odor now surrounding him. Once again, the doorbell rings when he's halfway up. He rushes down to get it. This time, when he answers it, he finds Eddy.)

Eddy: Hey, Double D, what took you so long?

Edd: Oh. Hello, Eddy. So, what are you doing?

Eddy: I thought I should hang out with one of my best friends.

(Edd remembers the pranks.)

Edd: Hey. Was that you ringing my doorbell?

Eddy: Who, me? Nah.

(Edd and Eddy arrived in Edd's room. Eddy was stopped when Edd holds up a pair of bunny slippers.)

Edd: Wait, Eddy. You know the rules.

Eddy: Aw, come on, Edd. Not again.

(Edd wiggles the slippers, smiling.)

Eddy: All right. Sheesh, stupid slippers.

Edd: And I'll dispose of these.

(Edd puts the shoes in a box labeled "Shoes".)

Eddy: Okay. The slippers are on nowwWWHOAAA!

(Eddy's head gets sucked in but is shaken out. Edd is finished with his nose.)

Edd: Almost done.

(Edd vacuums the back of Eddy's shirt.)

Eddy: Gee. Thanks, Edd.

Edd: After you, Eddy.

Eddy: Yeah. After me.

(After entering the room, Eddy spots Edd's bed. He goes over and jumps on it.)

Edd: Eddy! Messy messy messy messy messy. Please don't do that, Eddy.

(Eddy begins switching labels, switching the "Slipper" label, which he places on the bed, with the "Bed" label.)

Edd: Eddy! Please return those labels to their rightful designations.

Eddy: Alright, alright, don't have a bird.

(Eddy takes the slipper label off the bed and replaces it with one that says "Toilet".)

Eddy: Are you done yet? Let's go get Ed!

Edd: Please be patient. I have just one more...

(Edd puts down a "Magnifying Glass" label and realizes it's missing.)

Edd: HHAH! It's gone. Eddddyyyy. Someone took my magnifying glass. I feel so violated.

Eddy: Maybe you misplaced it.

Edd: Never! What has become of this world? Is nothing sacred? Everything is soiled! Who would do such a thing? Who would violate the sanctity of somebody's room? With their filthy hands! Oh. Oh, Eddy. I feel sick. I feel nauseous. I CAN'T BREATHE!

(Eddy goes over, picks up Edd's mattress, and slams it down on him.)

Edd: Thank you. I needed that.

Eddy: Anytime, pal! You know, you can't have somebody touching your stuff. It just isn't right. Okay. Race you to Ed's place.

(Edd and Eddy rush over to Ed's. When they get there, Ed can be seen watching a horror movie on TV. They tiptoe to the window.)

Eddy: There he is.

(Eddy and Edd sneak in through the window. When Edd tries to enter, the window slams on his fingers, and he makes noises of pain.)

Eddy: Ssh. Quit fooling around.

(Eddy continues to sneak up on Ed. Just as he's about to pounce, Ed grabs him in a headlock and gives him a noogie.)

Ed: Hey, Eddy! What's up?

Edd: Dogpile!

(The Eds' tussle. Ed ends up victorious, with the two of them in a headlock.)

Ed: Hi, Edd... uh... I mean Double D. You guys make me laugh.

Eddy: Of course we do... wait, where's Sarah?

Edd: Don't you remember, everyone in the cul-de-sac is out of town for the entire summer.

Eddy: Oh, right. Guys, this has all happened before like last time.

Edd: You're right. Last time, we believe that a so-called serial toucher is touching and stealing everyone's stuff. We thought that it was Jonny.

Eddy: That's right.

Edd: All of this happened in the very first episode of our first show, the original show that lasted for 10 years from 1999 to 2009. This time is... different.

Eddy: Oh, yeah. I forgot. Hey! I know a way to clear our boredom.

(Eddy holds up a jar of coins as Ed and Edd are in shock.)

Eddy: So, boys, what's big, round, and costs a nickel?

Ed and Edd: Jawbreakers!

Eddy: Now away we go!

(Ed, Edd, and Eddy go out of Ed's house and start heading towards the candy store. Along the way to the candy store though, Edd sees a squirrel on a tree with the magnifying glass. The squirrel tries to break the acorns with the magnifying glass but it finds it useless and drops it to the ground. Edd quickly catches it with his hands and looks at it.)

Edd: Huh? My magnifying glass! I've been looking all over for it! I'm gonna put this thing in my room. I'll be right back.

(Edd goes back inside his house as Ed and Eddy wait for him to come back. Edd goes to his room, places his magnifying glass back to its rightful place, gets out of his house, and catches up to Ed and Eddy.)

Eddy: Took you long enough. Now away we go!

(The Eds continue heading towards the candy store. They finally get there and go inside.)

Candy Store Owner: Oh, hello there. What can I get you, boys?

Eddy: Three jawbreakers... on the spot!

(Eddy places a $5 bill on the counter. The candy store owner takes the bill and puts it in the cash register. He then gives the Eds three jawbreakers.)

Candy Store Owner: Here you go, boys. Three jawbreakers. Oh, don't forget the change.

Edd: I'll take it. (gets the change) Thank you.

Candy Store Owner: You're welcome. Have a nice day, boys.

Edd: You too, sir.

(The Eds get out of the candy store and eat their jawbreakers.)

Eddy: This is good.

Edd: Should we feel guilty about scamming the children at the cul-de-sac?

Eddy: Nah. You know what they say: A little childhood trauma builds character.

(Meanwhile, a repairman tries to put a tire back onto an empty bare wheel of a car, but the pressure of the tire against the wheel gets the better of him and he accidentally lets the tire loose.)

Repairman: Oops.

(The tire flies out of the auto repair shop and runs into the Eds, knocking the jawbreakers out of their mouths. The jawbreakers roll down the street, and the Eds chase the jawbreakers.)

Eddy: No, wait! Come back!

(The Eds chase the jawbreakers as they roll down a fence by the creek, staying perfectly balanced on the top. They leap for them and push them away into the creek. They follow them into the cold, cold water.)

Eddy: Where are they?

Edd: Ed?

(Ed is sitting underwater.)

Ed: They're lost, guys.

Eddy: Find it, Ed! Gimme a break, will ya?

Ed: Come back, jawbreakers, wherever you are!

(The scene switches to nighttime. The hunt for the jawbreakers is still going on.)

Edd: Oh, let's go home! I'm soaked to the marrow! Our parents must be worried sick! Besides, the jawbreakers would surely have dissolved by now.

(Eddy lays down and watches the stars.)

Eddy: Huh, Double D. This reminds me of the day where we tried to find a way to solve the problem about Slovak Jawbreaker that Ed got in the mail. Remember?

Edd: Why, yes. It rolls down to this creek, why did you ask?

Eddy: Just wondering. I know we're starting high school next month, and I was wondering about the moments we had in the past.

Edd: Oh, yes. Remember that time when we were spying on Kevin on Jimmy's birthday? You destroyed his house with the Baking Powder Vapor Barrier.

Eddy: I know. And remember that time when I used a fish to duel against Rolf?

Edd: How can I remember? You insulted Rolf when we were attending his family's traditional celebrations. In one of these celebrations, you tossed away his sea cucumber ball.

Eddy: (sarcastically) Oh, boo-hoo, I hurt Rolf's stinky fishball.

Edd: (sighs) It's not the fishball, Eddy. You hurt Rolf's feelings and he forgives you.

Ed: Found it!

Eddy: Ed?

Ed: I found one, guys.

Eddy: Aw, man, he's already eaten mine.

Ed: No, it's mine, Eddy, or is it Double D's.

Edd: Whose is it, Ed?

Ed: Let's see.

(Ed unfurls his tongue to reveal that he is sucking on a gigantic snail.)

Ed: What do you think?

Edd & Eddy: Gah!

Ed: Okey-dokey!

Edd: Ed! You let that poor creature out right this... Fellows, look.

(Edd points at something in the sky and Ed unfurls his tongue again to release the snail. A girl floats down towards them. Eddy carries the girl and sees a crystal amulet. Edd sees a castle in the sky.)

Edd: Good lord, it's the lost city... a castle in the sky!

Eddy: A what?

Edd: It's the lost city called Tombanus. The Kingdom is home to the Statue of Morality. Whoever gets it will receive the Key of Immortality. Remember, two months ago when we heard of the legend back in school before graduation?

Eddy: Oh yeah! Wait, hold on. Did you say immortality? As in live forever and never die?

Edd: Yes. There's treasure in the lost kingdom.

Eddy: Treasure, you say?!

Edd: Yes. There's lots of treasure in Tombanus.

Eddy: Hey, if we get that treasure, we'll be rich!

Edd: If we get the treasure, yes.

Ed: And our scams?

Eddy: We can retire from making them, monobrow!

(The Eds are looking at the sky and smile. Edd has an interesting idea of seeing Tombanus and learning about its existence.)

Edd: Well, my friends, someday we're gonna see that castle in the sky.

Eddy: Oh, we will.

Ed: Yeah.

(They look at the castle before it disappears. They walked back home while Eddy carries the girl. She sees the Eds before going back to sleep.)

Part 2: Meeting Marissa/Legends of Tombanus
(A few days flew by and Edd is sleeping soundly when a shoe flies in through the window. It bounces around the room and hits him on the head. He gets up and goes to the window. Beneath the window stand his friends.)

Eddy: Hey! Rip Van Winkle! Get cracking, will ya? We're late for school! We're starting high school today!

Ed: An early bird catches the peanut, Double D!

Edd: School? I hate to be the bearer of bad news, gentlemen, but school doesn't start in the next two weeks.

Eddy: Two weeks? Ed, you dolt, you woke me up for school two weeks earlier?

Ed: It wasn't my fault, Eddy! My belly told me it was Bottomless Gravy Day in the cafeteria. Bad belly! (spanks his belly with a fly swatter) Bad!

(Eddy grabs the swatter and brings it down on Ed's head repeatedly until Ed is as deep in the ground as he is.)

Eddy: Your head's bottomless!

Ed: Belly bad, Eddy!

Eddy: (chasing him) C'mere, you little...

Ed: Belly!

Edd: Lovable oaf. Oh well. Best begin my day, I suppose.

(Edd walks to his closet. There, he selects various showering materials, including a bathrobe, a shower cap, some soap, and a loofah. The last thing he picks is his Saturday hat. He exits his room happily.)

Edd: And last but not least, the shower. Oh, how I adore its sprinkling splendor. Its cascading cleansing. Its steamy serenade. An imperative step to each and every day.

(Edd opens the door and has to clutch to the doorknob to keep himself from falling. Somehow, his bathroom has disappeared.)

Edd: MY BATHROOM! Demolished! Dismembered! Disintegrated! A sticky note. (reads the note) "Dear Eddward, the shower is out of order due to renovations? Have a nice day, love Mother and Father." Oh, dear!

(Eddy throws Ed out of his bedroom window.)

Eddy: Scram, Ed!

Ed: No lie, Eddy! It wasn't my fault!

Eddy: Beat it! Weekend wrecker.

Edd: Of all the inconsiderate! Without even a word, Mother and Father, in all their wisdom, felt it necessary to renovate our bathroom! I ask you! Do I even exist?

Ed: Eddy! The belly is evil, the belly is cruel!

(Eddy throws his alarm clock at Ed.)

Edd: Eddy, I know this may be difficult and normally I wouldn't ask this of you, but, may I use your shower? I took the liberty of bringing my own toiletries. Mind you, I will require a clean towel, preferably cotton as poly-blends irritate my skin.

(Ed is scratching at the door like a dog when it suddenly slides open and Edd is tossed out.)

Eddy: Hit the road! Windbag.

Ed: Did your belly lie too, Double D?

Edd: Not to be rude, Ed, but I desperately need to find a shower. Oh, messy messy messy.

Ed: Eddy?

(While Eddy went back to sleep, the girl wakes up on his chair. She looks around his bedroom, she sees Eddy sleeping until he wakes up.)

Eddy: Morning, my name's Eddy. I'm really glad you're feeling alright, especially for the past few days. You had me and my friends worried there. I had to save you from falling.

Marissa: Thank you very much for saving me. Oh, I'm sorry. My name's Marissa.

Eddy: Marissa, that's a nice name.

Marissa: It means "of the seas" in Latin. Tell me, how long have I've been passed out?

Eddy: For a few days, we saw you floating down towards us and we had to save you.

Marissa: Oh. And who are your friends?

Eddy: Ed and Double D. Ed can be stupid but he's a great friend. He loves horror movies. And Double D, he's smart and also a great friend.

Marissa: I would love to meet them.

Eddy: You can. But first, let me take a shower.