Three Ways to Kill Your Dad

Fiascos

 * 1) Elisa Martinez as Bounty Hunter
 * 2) Kaytelyne Odum as Cowgirl
 * 3) Alyssa Mohr as Snow White

Elisa's Story
There he is!

Get him!

Kill the bastard!

Who's there?

Hello, Vince. Looks like you've gotten yourself in a spot of trouble.

Elisa?

You've got to help me. That mob is trying to kill me.

- Why would they do such a nasty thing? - I don't know. I'm not such a bad guy.

You're a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot.

I have a few faults. Is that a reason to kill me?

You're foul, Vince...

...a wart on the nose of humanity, and I'm going to blast it off.

Elisa. Elisa. Elisa.

Goodbye, boss man. It's quitting time.

- You can’t mean this. - One, two, three, four...

Why me? I'm just an ordinary guy trying to do his job.

...eight, nine... - Holy shit!

...ten.

Kaytelyne's Story
Hey, hot stuff. Grab your pad and pencil, and get your buns in here.

Yes, ma'am.

Morning.

- Hold it. Hold it right there. - Is something wrong?

No, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to check your bod. Turn around a second.

You got a nice ass, Vince.

You should get your pants out tighter. Bring them up in the crotch.

You got a nice package, might as well show it off.

- Mrs. Odum. - Come here. I want you to take a memo.

To all personnel...

- That's great cologne you're wearing. - Thank you.

That stuff's turning me on. What's that called?

- Stud. - Stud.

It's very sexy. Only I don't like that tie you're wearing.

- What happened to the ones I gave you? - Nothing, l...

- Take it off. Take it off. - Excuse me?

I can’t work with those stripes glaring at me.

How about unbuttoning that coat and your shirt? You need to loosen up.

That's better.

- Where were we? - The memo.

Yeah. By the way, I got a surprise for you here.

- I am a married man. - Forget about your wife, Vince.

You may be hers in the evening, but you're my boy from  to.

I wanted to show you what I got for you. Isn't it pretty?

Yes, it's very pretty, but you shouldn't be buying gifts for me.

Okay, let me put it on you here.

- Now, that wasn't so bad, was it? - No.

I love your hair. It's so sexy.

Let's go over on the couch. I'll go look the door.

- Mrs. Odum. - Let's be friendly, Vince.

You need to be a little more cooperative if you want to keep this job.

I'm not that kind of boy!

One little kiss? What's that gonna hurt? Who's gonna know?

No. I won't. I won't kiss that mouth!

Vince, you get back here! I'm warning you. Come back here.

No. I won't.

And he's out of the chute, ladies and gentlemen.

Look at him. That's a big, bold hitter.

There's Kaytelyne Odum. She's gonna try to rope this...

She's already got him down.

Let's see how long it takes to hog-tie this sexist, egotistical, lying bigot.

Just five seconds, ladies and gentlemen.

Alyssa's Story
Alyssa, get me some coffee.

Yes, sir.

Sorry.

Thank you.

- Your coffee, Mr. Martinez. - Yeah. Put it down.

Just the way you like it.

- More coffee, Mr. Martinez? - Coffee?

- I think something was in that coffee. - I think you're right.

- I think it was poisoned. - Right again.

I think you did it.

- But why? Why? - Why do you think?

I'm a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot?

Bingo.