Beavis and Butt-Head Do Atlantis/Transcript

Transcript
MTV Entertainment Studios

Paramount Pictures

(A great earthquake created a tsunami as well as a opening in the Earth, and the two combined caused Atlantis to sink. The merfolk rescued as many citizens as they could by turning them into others. The bubbles show Beavis and Butt-Head Do Atlantis.)

7,600 years later, Highland High School.

(Beavis and Butt-Head are in Gym Class, learning about safe sex.)

Coach Buzzcut: Alright, morons! We're gonna talk about safe sex. That's right, safe sex. The safest sex that anyone of you idiots can have is no sex.

Beavis: What about masturbation?

Coach Buzzcut: I'm pretty sure you already know enough about masturbation.

Beavis: How does that pervert know what I do?

Butt-Head: Ehhhh, probably like, 'cause he's a pervert. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Oh yeah. Heh heh.

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh.

African-American Student: *raises his hand* Is this really necessary?

Coach Buzzcut: It is a requirement. Which makes it necessary.

Butt-Head: What's masturbation? Can you, like, show us?

Coach Buzzcut: I'm not falling for that one again! Anyway, to have safe sex, you must use a condom.

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh. He said condom. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh.

Coach Buzzcut: I hate teenagers... Don't have sex, and if you do, use a condom. Dismissed!

Van Driessen's class

Van Driessen: Mkay class, I'm going to teach about ancient civilizations. There are so many interesting ones, but my favorite is Atlantis. Now some people don't believe it exists, but there is a lot of evidence to suggest that it does.

Butt-Head: At least there is talking about masturbation. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Yeah yeah, um, if I like spank my monkey in the girls bathroom, they will notice.

Butt-Head: No one wants to see you spank your monkey.

Van Driessen: There's a lot of theories about Atlantis. Some people think that was simply an old city that sank, while others believe it is currently thriving and inhabiated by merpeople.

Butt-Head: You mean like mermaids and stuff?

Van Driessen: Exactly.

Butt-Head: Mermaids are hot.

Beavis: Oh yeah. Seashell bras!

Van Driessen: We have a special guest speaker who is a expert on Atlantis. I like to introduce Dr. Horace Slotnick.

Dr. Slotnick: *walks in the classroom*

Beavis: Whore-ass. Heh heh.

Dr. Slotnick: Oh yes, Atlantis is very real. It's not just a sunken city, it is a underwater metropolis ruled to this very day by merfolk who do their best to keep it hidden from the rest of the world.

Butt-Head: This dude's a nutjob. Talking about cities run by mermaids. Let me guess, her best friend's a crab. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh.

Dr. Slotnick: I have decaded my life to find the entrance to Atlantis. I just came back from my 27th expedetion.

Butt-Head: Uhhh, so you never found it? How did you know it's there? Do you go to the North Pole to look for Santa Claus too? Uh huh huh.

Dr. Slotnick: Don't be ridiculous. There's no such thing as Santa Claus.

Beavis: Who do you, um, believe in?

Dr. Slotnick: I believe in Atlantis.

Butt-Head: You're a loser. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh. Yeah yeah, loser! Heh heh.

Dr. Slotnick: You can keep your comments to yourself. Other people may want to hear what I had to share. Ahem. Atlantis has been known since ancient times. Even the Greek philosopher Socrates spoke of the ancient city. Atlantis is not just a legend, it is a very real place hidden beneath the depths of the sea. It is believed to be a great utopia and home to the merfolk.

Butt-Head: So, like, where is it?

Dr. Slotnick: I've told you, under the ocean.

Butt-Head: But where?

Dr. Slotnick: We're still trying to find it, but we know it's there. It's real!

Butt-Head: *looks at Beavis* Theories suck.

Van Driessen: Class, tomorrow we are going on a field trip, a expedition, and a journey to search for Atlantis. If we find it, we will explore. If not, we will return to the surface.

3 days later

(The students are getting on a submarine.)

Butt-Head: I think there's gonna be mermaid porn or something. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: You think?

Butt-Head: Yeah. Maybe like, uhhh, lay eggs.

Beavis: Whoa. Heh heh. That was cool.

(Once the students are seated, Slotnick cleared his throat.)

Dr. Slotnick: Thank you for coming here today. As you all know, we are going on a expedetion to find Atlantis. I know you're all excited, but I'm excited too. Today is my 28th expedetion. This is going to be a adventure. *calls on the radio* Ready the submarine.

(The submarine soon submerge into the water and makes its way to Atlantis. The students look at the sealife.)

Stewart: Whoa!

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh. Look at those fish.

Beavis: Yeah yeah, those are weird.

Butt-Head: I wonder if there's any sharks. That would be cool.

Beavis: Sharkholio! Heh heh.

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh.

Students: *sees a pod of whales*

Dr. Slotnick: You see, whales are large sea mammals with a special song and they swim in pods.

Butt-Head: Uhhh, what's a pod?

Dr. Slotnick: A group of whales.

(The submarine comes to a stop at a couple of stone pillars.)

Dr. Slotnick: Oh goodie! Atlantean pillars! *calls on the radio* Send the expedetion team.

(The expedetion team look at the symbols on the pillars.)

Exepedetion Member: They look Atlantean to me.

Dr. Slotnick: You think?

Expedetion Member: Yeah, they must've build it here.

Butt-Head: Whoa! Beavis, do you know what means? It means we'll find Atlantis.

Beavis: What if they, um, don't? Heh heh.

Butt-Head: I think I had a idea. Follow me. Uh huh huh.

(Beavis and Butt-Head snuck through the submarine and stole scuba gear. Beavis and Butt-Head stood at the door, ready to go on their expedetion.)

Butt-Head: This is it, Beavis. Our expedetion to find Atlantis.

Beavis: Oh yeah. Heh heh. This is gonna be cool! Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!

Beavis and Butt-Head: *puts on their scuba gear, opens the door, and dives into the water*

(On their expedetion, they see manta rays, sea turtles, crabs, dolphins, octopi, and sharks. They soon stop at a cave.)

Beavis: Hey Butt-Head, what's that big hole?

Butt-Head: Uhhh, I don't know. Maybe it's like rocky and stuff. Whoa! Hey Beavis, I think it's a big wet bunghole. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh. Bunghole.

Butt-Head: I knew you would go inside bungholes.

Beavis: I do not! Shut your face, butthole!

Butt-Head: Takes one to know one.

Beavis and Butt-Head: *goes inside the cave*

Butt-Head: Ehhhh, this thing's pretty deep.

Beavis: Like your mom!

Butt-Head: Your mom.

Beavis: There's like hallways and stuff.

(They go deeper into the cave, taking turn after turn, until eventually, they come to a dead end with a door.)

Butt-Head: What's that gate doing under the ocean? Uh huh huh.

Beavis: I don't know. Maybe it's like, um, a thousand years old.

(Beavis and Butt-Head touched around their hands until Butt-Head touches the hand-shaped hole, and the gate opens.)

Butt-Head: Whoa! Hey Beavis, I like unlock it or something.

Beavis: Whoa! Heh heh.

Butt-Head: We'll be able to find Atlantis and some merchicks.

Beavis: Yeah! Maybe we can score!

(The duo swim through the gate to another hallway. After swimming for a while, they see Atlantis in the distance.)

Butt-Head: I knew it.

Beavis: Um, this means that Whore-ass was right. It does exist.

Butt-Head: Uhhh, where are the dudes that exactly found it?

Beavis: I don't know. Heh heh.

Butt-Head: Shocking. Uh huh huh.

(Beavis fell over the edge and grabbed Butt-Head. They screamed as they landed on the ocean floor, causing the scuba gear to come off. Beavis and Butt-Head suddenly black out.)

???: Are you okay? How did you get down there?

(When Butt-Head opened his eyes, he saw a mermaid. The mermaid has purple hair, aqua eyes, light pink top, and a pink tail.)

Butt-Head: Hey baby, what don't you give me a little mouth-to-mouth? Uh huh huh.

Maricia: You seem just fine.

Butt-Head: Don't you wanna be extra sure?

Maricia: Nope. You're talking, you're fine.

Butt-Head: Whoa! Am I talking underwater?

Maricia: It's a special place.

Butt-Head: *looks at Beavis and slaps him awake*

Beavis: Why did you do that for, asswipe? *notices Maricia*

Maricia: What strange little men. Let me ask again, how did you get down here?

Butt-Head: We fell. Thanks to Beavis. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Don't blame me.

Butt-Head: It's your fault.

Beavis: IT'S NOT! You're always blaming me, dillhole!

Butt-Head: I'm not a dillhole, you're a dillhole. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Shut up, asswipe! *smacks Butt-Head*

Butt-Head: *smacks Beavis back*

Beavis: *grabs Butt-Head by the throat with his hands*

Maricia: What is the wrong with the two of you?!

Butt-Head: Well, he's a dillhole.

Beavis: *jumps on Butt-Head*

Maricia: THAT'S ENOUGH!!!

Beavis and Butt-Head: *turns their attention to Maricia*

Maricia: I don't know where you came from here or how you got here, I think I should take you to my father.

Butt-Head: You wanna meet your daddy? Uh huh huh.

Beavis: I'm your daddy!

Butt-Head: You're a dumbass.

Maricia: Just come on already. *grabs Beavis and Butt-Head by the wrists and swims at speed, towing them*

(Beavis and Butt-Head freaked out as Maricia rolled her eyes and keeps swimming. She brings them to her father. The merman has white hair, ice blue eyes, and a green tail.)

Butt-Head: What the hell is that?

Maricia: That's my home.

Beavis: Oh. Heh heh. That bougie chick lives in a castle.

Butt-Head: I think she's a princess.

Maricia: *in mermish* Father, I found these strangers in the middle of nowhere.

King Tullius: *in mermish* They're from the surface. You know surface-dwellers aren't welcome here.

Beavis and Butt-Head: *looks at each other*

Beavis: Do you understand them?

Butt-Head: No. Why would you think I can understand them.

Maricia: *in mermish* Obviously, but I didn't know to do with them.

King Tullius: *in mermish* Yes, they need to be dealt with.

Butt-Head: Uhhh, we come in peace.

King Tullius: Nothing good has ever come from a surface-dweller. I don't see how should you see any exception.

Butt-Head: So what are you gonna do with us?

King Tullius: That has yet to be determined.

Butt-Head: Uhhh, can we get something to eat?

Beavis: Yeah yeah. We're hungry!

King Tullius: *to the guards* Take them to the dining room.

Mer-Guards: *escorts Beavis and Butt-Head to the dining room*

Dining Room

Beavis and Butt-Head: *goes into the dining room*

Smitty: Ah, newcomers. Greetings. My name is Smitty, and I will be your host.

Beavis: Heh heh. He said host. That sounds like fancy people have.

Butt-Head: We ask for something to eat. What kind of chow do you have?

Smitty: We have Atlantean cuisine. We have seaweed, lobster, crabs, octopi, squid, and sortment of fish.

Butt-Head: What can I drink?

Smitty: We have Atlantean soda, it's pretty tasty.