Critters (Film)/Transcript

(A TV shows a cartoon of Sheriff Reilly arresting a thief. A woman is happy for him.)

Woman: Thank you, Sheriff! How can I ever repay you?

Reilly: No need. All in a day’s work for Sheriff Reilly!

(Reilly turns off the TV, mumbling to himself.)

Reilly: What I wouldn't give to have those days back...

(Reilly sighs, reading. Suddenly, a voice on his walkie talkie is heard)

Speaker: Sir, someone wants to see you… They say it’s an emergency… They’re in the kids room…

Reilly: I’ll speak to em….*picks up the phone* Hello, Sheriff’s Office, how may I help you?

Roger: I-I need you to c-come to my house… My f-father’s dead…

Reilly: We'll be right over...

(Ambulances and cop cars arrive. We see Katty the Wolf whimpering and grieving, while Murry the Frog and Roger look shaken.)

Katty: NOT MY HUSBAND! PLEASE, GOD, WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN ME?!

Reilly: What on earth happened here?

Roger: My... dad... was murdered!

Reilly: My goodness... (Reilly lifts the tarp to investigate, feeing slightly sick when he sees. Bartleby's skull has been bashed open like an egg, and his lower jaw is cracked) HOLY SATAN ON A BARBECUE! WHAT ON EARTH?!?

Katty: H-He… He didn’t come t-to b-bed last night… Th-Then I got complaints that the vents smelled awful… Wh-When I l-looked… (utterly breaks down in tears)

Reilly: My goodness… Prison is too merciful for the dork that did this…

Murry: (crying uncontrollably)

Reilly: (looks at the floor, seeing a trail of blood) Seems they dragged him to the vent…and cracked his skull open…breaking his jaw in the process.

Roger: Murry, show the nice detective your drawing of what you think the suspect looks like.

(Murry presents his drawing, still shaken by his father's death)

Reilly: Jesus... (looks at the sketch) We'll take this for evidence.

Roger: Please bring the man to justice...

Reilly: I will, kid... I will...

(Reilly gets another call)

Reilly: Hello? Sheriff speaking, who is this?

Lincoln: This is Lincoln... I need you to come quick...

Reilly: Wait a minute... Is this another murder case?!

Lincoln: (panicking) YES!

Reilly: Don't worry, I'm on my way!

(At the scene, Laurel's body is covered with a tarp.)

Lincoln: I swear, when I find who did this...

Reilly: Don't worry, we'll bring the sick nerd to justice...

(Cut to Reilly writing down a report)

(Might plan to finish the transcript)