Big Break (Vigilante)

Big Break is the second issue of the comic series Vigilante.

Plot
Beginning text: "Okay, sometimes people are assholes. You ever heard of saving the cat? well there're people who'll kick the cat out of a tree in to a lake of fire. I like to think I'm a relatively nice guy, but just yesterday I had to deal with the biggest asshole in the whole goddamn world. Okay, that's an over exaggeration, but you get my point!"

It cuts to Philip speaking with Alejandro, playing video games in a basement. Philip asks "Why do you live in a basement again?" with Alejandro responding "I'm dirt poor, remember?" After being reminded of this Philip responds "Oh yeah!"

After this short conversation, Alejandro says "So I guess you were right." Not sure what he's talking about, Philip looks at him with a very confused expression and Alejandro clarifies saying "About the real superhero thing. You know, The Man in Black? beat up a few house robbers last night?" Philip once again yells "Oh yeah!" he plays games a bit more before realizing he has to leave to do his thing, telling Alejandro "Shit, sorry, have to leave! my... dog needs to be fed!" "You don't have a dog" "Then my house is on fire". After this, Philip runs out of the building.

Cut to Philip, walking around in his costume. He begins narrating to himself saying "Why the hell do I always have to walk around to find the crime? With Green Lantern, Iron Man and shit the villains usually come to them! I don't know, maybe I just haven't made many enemies yet?"

He begins whistling to himself, standing by a lamppost. An old woman then comes up to Philip, saying "Excuse me?" Philip responds "Not now ma'am, I'm doing shit... okay, I'm not, but I could've been." The woman stares at him before saying "...Right... anyway, I heard you're some kind of hero?" "That is what I am, yes." "Could you help me with a problem I have?" Philip throws his hands in the air, yelling "Finally! yes! what do you want!?" The old woman points to a window which has a green glow and says "I want you to take care of that. He's been partying all day, and he won't stop." This disappointes Philip, responding "Oh... okay, fine... not like I have much else to do."

In the apartment where all the guys are partying, the head guy, a bald man in a tanktop, is singing a song, clearly completely drunk, when he hears knocking on the door. He turns off the music and opens the door, where Philip is standing. Philip, completely bored by this whole thing, says "Alright guy, I was called up by an old woman who wants you to stop partying..." The guy looks at the partygoers then back at Philip and says "...Who the hell're you?" Philip responds "I'm The Man in Black, who the hell're you? no, nevermind, I know who you are, you're some jobless weirdo who uses parties to hide how sad he is. Am I on the mark?"

The man stares at Philip before saying "...I've been to jail before... I'm willing to go back. Now get out of here." Philip shrugs and says "Alright, guess this is happening now." as he pulls out his pole and points it to the guy. Philip goes "Okay, now-" before the guy grabs the pole and uses it to throw Philip in to the apartment. He walks up to Philip saying "Alright you little dumbass, I gave you a chanse, but now I'm going to bash your goddamn skull in!"

The fight begins with Philip running from the guy, throwing stuff in front of him to slow him down. After this, he throws stuff at him with every one of them missing. At this point, Philip is completely freaked out when a woman at the party yells "Pussy!" Philip responds "Hey, I am not a pussy!" The woman, acting very smug, says "Oh yeah? well prove it!" Philip, who is now clearly angry at this whole thing yells "Fine!" and smacks the guy in the face with his pole. Everyone at the party is shocked for a few seconds before they begin chearing for Philip. Philip calms everyone down, saying "Yeah, yeah, I get it, you're drunk shitheads who really like seeing people get knocked out, trust me, I was just like you once."

Philip then says "But how about this... get the hell out of here before I beat the ever living shit out of every last one of you!" Everyone leaves, claiming Philip killed the mood anyway as they leave. Later, the guy who Philip beat up is taking to the hospital, while Philip speaks with police. "Look buddy, I know what it looks like, I'm a man wearing all black who beat the shit out of a dude, but-" Philip is cut off by the old woman from earlier yelling "That shithead had it coming!" Both Philip and the officer are completely shocked that an old woman just yelled that, but Philip responds "...Yeah, what she said..."