Marvel Spotlight (Marvel;Re)/Deadpool: A Man of Culture

Deadpool: Man of Culture is an issue in Marvel Spotlight.

Synopsis
Deadpool here, just read the damn comic! I am not going to bother to spoil the plot.

Transcript
The issue begins with a bunch of masked guys giving out Christmas gifts to children as Deadpool comes in.


 * Deadpool: You guys look suspicious. Are you sure you guys work for Toys For Tots?
 * Masked Man 1: Uhhh yeah we do. Cause these are Battle Beasts.
 * Deadpool: So you are planning on blowing up children or something!
 * Masked Man 1: I just told you we were giving kids toys.
 * Deadpool: Battle Beasts is defunct! So I am not letting you assholes ruin Christmas cause mommy never loved you!
 * Masked Man 2: My mother died because of cancer.
 * Deadpool: Now you are going to die by a guy who has cancer:

Deadpool turns on Uptown Girl by Billy Joel as he begins cutting through the masked men. After the men are dead, Deadpool opens one of the gifts as he sees the Hydra symbol on a bomb as it blows up.


 * Deadpool: Why would Hydra try to blow up kids? Well I better throw away these gifts.

He throws them into the ocean as it cuts to Atlantis as a random Atlantean finds one of the gifts, opens it and then dies of the explosion. It cuts to Bob, Agent of Hydra, decorating a Christmas tree as Deadpool breaks into the house.


 * Bob: Deadpool?? What the fuck are you doing here?
 * Deadpool: I need to find Hydra now!
 * Bob: Why?
 * Deadpool: Because your organization is trying to blow up children!
 * Bob: Hydra would never do that!
 * Deadpool: Why wouldn't they?
 * Bob: Because we all love Christmas. So much we have a Hydra Walmart.
 * Deadpool: Hydra has their own Walmart?
 * Bob: Yes they do. They believe in the Christmas spirit.
 * Deadpool: Give me the coordinates to Hydra Walmart.
 * Bob: Fine.

He gives him the coordinates as Deadpool jumps out of his house and Naruto runs to the Hydra Walmart. He opens as he sees various Hydra agents buying gifts and having fun.


 * Deadpool: WHICH OF YOU NAZIS HATE CHILDREN?!
 * Zemo: Not me! I am buying a little plushy Red Skull for my niece.
 * Deadpool: You have a niece?
 * Madame Hydra: All of us have families. And we all love children. We might be Nazis but we aren't heartless.
 * Grim Reaper: Why was I dumb enough to not know that we were Nazis?

Deadpool suddenly spots Mentallo running with a few Hydra bombs.


 * Doughboy: (unintelligible noises, translated: YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THOSE BOMBS!)
 * Deadpool: Excuse me Nazis! I need to kill this child hating Nazi!

Deadpol runs after Mentallo as he runs into a Hydra McDonalds and takes the Baron Strucker Meal from a little kid. Deadpool stops.


 * Deadpool: A Baron Strucker Meal for the kid please!

Throws five dollars at the cashier and continues chasing after Mentallo.


 * Deadpool: Marvin! Why do you hate children!?
 * Mentallo: Kids sent me stupid TikToks and vandalize my house with Toilet Paper! So now I want to blow them all up!
 * Deadpool: I did many, many, many, many, many bad things but I would never kill children!

He shoots Mentallo in the leg causing him to drop.


 * Deadpool: Now I have two options. Either I will kill you for being a dick or you will have to go and be Santa for young mutants and give them free gifts!

It cuts to the Xavier Institute as Deadpool confronts Charles Xavier.


 * Deadpool: Do you teach super young mutants? Cause I got a Santa.
 * Charles: That is actually very nice. I'll take it.

Charles drags Mentallo as Deadpool winks at the audience as the issue ends.