Anthony Melfi vs Michael Rosen: Anthony Rant Part 2/transcript

This is a transcript of Anthony Melfi vs Michael Rosen: Anthony Rant Part 2

NOTE: Please don't editing!

MR: Hello I'm Michael Rosen, I remember it so you don't have to. And perhaps some of you remember the last video I posted where I threatened Anthony Melfi to stop his fans from making unfair comparisons to me.

Footage of the end of the previous video, with the words "Two Weeks Ago" over it

MR: Well I got news for ya, faithful viewers! Anthony Melfi HAS RESPONDED. ...On his forum. WHICH STILL COUNTS! He responded under the forum topic "Michael Rosen calls out Anthony Melfi." You got some balls buddy. You just couldn't leave it alone, could ya? You just HAD to leave a comment about my video, didn't ya? Well, you wanna keep this goin'? I'm game if you're game. So, let's see what threatening words Anthony Melfi has to throw at me. The forum comment reads, and I quote:

Still shot of Anthony, with the spoken words displayed over it as they are said MR (voiceover): "I've seen some of his videos, his Curious George review was hilarious, and if I'm not mistaken, I think he did the '5 Second Movies' also. Those put me to tears. So yes, call me a fan of his."

MR is shocked and humbled MR: ...WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT?! That's not a threat, that's a...a...what's that word I never give anybody? Um...a compliment! You can't give me a compliment! You're ANTHONY Melfi, not the Emotionally Aware Melfi! I see what you're tryin' to do. Yeah, you're tryin' to 1-up me, aren't ya? You're tryin' to look like the BIG better man when deep down inside you hate ME just as much as I hate YOU. Well I know how you think, and if I'm not mistaken, there is a hidden message inside of this comment. A message that's secretly sending ME a dirty insult. And I intend to find. it. out. ...RIGHT NOW!

A 60's Batman style transition leads to a series of scenes involving MR parodying the movie The Number 23, The Da Vinci Code, etc. MR (voiceover): The comment was posted March 13th, 2008. 3...13...20...and 8. What could they mean? Perhaps letters of the alphabet? Of course 3, is C. 13 would be M. 20 would be T and 8 would be H. That's almost 2 weeks into March. 14 days. The Ides of March. Clever bastard. So that'd be N. There's 38 words in the message. 38 words divided by 2 weeks is 19. That would be S. Curious George implies a field of Curious. Curious have the same number of letters as Jehovah. Jehovah, J. But. In the Latin alphabet, Jehovah begins with an I. 5 Second Movies times the 3 minutes it takes me to make them is equal to 15. O. Leading us back...to the Kennedy assassination. Opening up the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Which means that Mario Lopez...is a woman. Da Vinci knew about this and left secrets for us to find! Everything comes back to the number 23. Wait...no, that's just a coincidence. Only the strangers can lead us to paradise. It's all. Part. Of the illusion.

MR: (talking to self in mirror) Who are you? Who am I?

MR (voiceover): We're all monkeys! The clues are set, I just have to crack the code!

MR is back in front of the camera, sans coat, and with long, unkempt hair MR: Okay! After a...really long time of investigating, I think I've finally figured out the secret of themessage. And so...Anthony Melfi's message translates out to:

Message is on a piece of paper on other side of room MR (voiceover): TIHS YM KCIL NESOR LEAHCIM

MR: ...which isn't German, isn't Latin, and isn't Gaelic. Which means it's...COMPLETE AND TOTAL GIBBERISH! I just wasted hours and hours of research to come up with absolutely nothing! True I discovered an untraceable pattern in the stock market that would lead to nothing but higher returns, but that's inconsequential! I've wasted my life and dedicated everything to complete BULLSHIT! I mean look at me! Look at me, I look like a roadmap for dizzy people! I guess he really had nothing bad to say at all. And here I wore my thinking wig for nothing.

He removes the wig, revealing his hair hasn't actually grown out at all. MR: I guess Anthony Melfi really is the better man. I guess it's better just to acknowledge that, in a world of vengeance, anger and chaos, there ARE those who can always find the peaceful route. And in the end, maybe THAT'S the essence of all manki-*GASP*

The camera pans to a mirror, which shows both a shocked Michael Rosen, and the message, which in reverse reads "Lick My Shit Michael Rosen" as music from The Shining plays

MR: ANTHONYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Camera pans out of the house, the earth and beyond as he screams