Superman: The Last Son of Krypton (1996 film)/Transcript

Jor-El: Northern region, sector 17 Alpha. Log date 8313 Omega 3. Jor-El speaking. Gathering readings for final subterranean probe.

I hope everything went smoothly, sir.

Jor-El: (About how his day went.) Frostbite, monsters. Same old, same old.

Brainiac: Good afternoon, Jor-EI.

Brainiac. What an unpleasant surprise.

I'm awaiting your data.

Have you been spying on me with your satellites again?

The Planetary Council demands that I analyze your data... ...as soon as you obtain it.

Jor-El: You know, Brainiac, somewhere in all those trillions of files clusters there's got to be one that says "people don't like to be spied on."

Brainiac: Then why would they create me?

Jor-El: (Sotto.) A question I often ask myself. Transmission set. It's feeding time.

Data received. Ending transmission.

You're welcome. Glutton.

Hey, Kal, what do you have there? Oh, great.

Kal-El was helping me check the solar panels when he discovered a playmate. I heard you had fun too.

Oh, yes, I encountered a very friendly shoggot. All in all, I prefer your arms.

We're moving. What forsaken spot are we going to now?

Home, Lara.

Home?

That's right. What, five months in this deep freeze not enough for you?

No, it's just that once we're back, you'll start going over the data. I keep thinking, "What if it supports your theory? What then?"

We can deal with it. Trust me. The truth can only help.

Oh, Jor-EI. Such a beautiful world, even up here. It's hard to believe it could all come to an end.

All I can tell you, Lara, is that if he persists... ...in predicting the end of the world, it'll be the end, all right. Of his political and professional career.

But what if he's right, Uncle Sul?

Try convincing the council. He hasn't one supporter for his theory. They even avoid him in the hallways. You know why?

Why is that, Sul-Van?

Because you can never be wrong, Jor-EI. You can never let it go. You have an ego the size of Argos.

I never let my ego get in the way of the facts.

Well, let me let you in on a little fact. Unless Brainiac agrees with you, it's all over. No more expeditions, no more research, no more...

It's another temblor. - Kal-EI!

Hush.

You'd better be wrong, Jor-EI. You'd better be dead wrong.

Each of you should have my report. It distills all the data I've gathered so far and leaves no doubt that... That the planet's core is undergoing a mounting chain reaction... ...that will eventually destroy Krypton!

Lunacy!

Ask Brainiac!

Yes, Brainiac. He'll tell us.

Silence. Silence. Enough!

I presume you've submitted your findings to Brainiac?

Yes.

So, what say you, Brainiac?

One can appreciate Jor-EI's hard work. However, he is still mistaken. As I've stated before... ...the temblors are the result of a slight polar shift, no more... ...and will soon abate.

He's wrong! He doesn't know!

Nonsense! There isn't a square foot of this planet Brainiac doesn't know. He was built to monitor all of Krypton and has, I might add, served us far better than upstart scientists, with apocalyptic visions.

Your faith in him will be the end of us all. Act now and we can save everyone.

And how do you propose to do that?

Put everyone in the Phantom Zone.

You're asking us to put ourselves among the vilest criminals in the galaxy? You're mad!

We can restore ourselves later, on another planet. It would only take one man. Listen to me! I've built a ship! Listen, please!

So, son, how does it feel not to have a worry in the world?

Think we can get the baby to bed early?

I have to go down to Brainiac operations. No.

Lara, he's lying.

He's a machine. He's still lying. I have to know why.

Has it occurred to you that he could be right? That somewhere you might have made a mistake? It's no crime to be wrong!

Please, Lara.

Go, Jor-EI. Find out once and for all. We've lived like this too long. Your theories are more destructive than you can imagine.

Brainiac: Good evening, Jor-El. You've been busy tonight. May I be of service?

Jor-El: Just trying to find out why we disagree, Brainiac.

Brainiac: Human error, I'm afraid.

Jor-El: Funny, I didn't think you were afraid of anything.

Is something wrong?

You're denying me access to satellite com. What's going on in there?

Currently reallocating security file clusters.

Well, let's just see if I can override that. Why do I get the feeling you're trying to hide something?

Access denied.

I don't think so.

This is a breach of security, Jor-EI. A violation of statute 107653, subsection 4.85.

You're downloading. You're transmitting your memory to a satellite. You're saving yourself.

I must. After all, am I not the repository of all Kryptonian knowledge? Should I not be saved above all?

You self-righteous monster!

Temper, temper, Jor-EI. If you stop me, there won't even be a memory of Krypton left. All its culture, its wonders and glory, will be dust in the cosmos. Is that what you want?

Why did you lie?

Brainiac: (On Krypton's imminent destruction.) If the council knew the truth, they would put me to work on an evacuation plan, a futile gesture given the time remaining.

Jor-El: How long?

Brainiac: Hours... This world has seen its last sunrise.

Hold it right there! Jor-EI?

We received an alert from Brainiac, there's an intruder.

He's the intruder. Arrest him.

Stop!

That's right. Jor-El has just fled Sat Com. - Secure stations.

Be warned, he is armed. Use of deadly force is advised.

He's heading our way!

I know. This time I will handle it.

Great Rao.

Where is he?

What did you say?

Jor-EI? Where is he?

Level five, north wing.

Down here!

There he is.

Stop! Stop or I'll shoot!

He's getting away!

Then you've read it?

Yes. And as much as I don't want to believe it... ...your husband's findings are hard to discount. Still, there's the Brainiac question.

Jor-EI! Uncle Sul's read your report. He thinks he can help.

Yes, I think it's worth it...

It's too late.

Good Lord.

What happened?

Brainiac tried to kill me. The police will be here soon. Remember when I told you what we'd do if worst came to worse?

No!

I'm sorry. I never thought it would come to this.

Come to what? What are you talking about? What's this nonsense about Brainiac?

Sul-Van, if you love your grandson and care one whit about his future... ...you'll kindly shut up!

Lara-El: Sleep, Kal-El, my beautiful child, my heartbeat, my life.

Send Kal-El to another world? - You can't be serious!

The ship will get him there. I know. I built it. It was part of the plan. Save everyone in the Phantom Zone, travel to Earth, then bring them back. Now it's only good for a lifeboat. And the passenger will be my son... ...the last son of Krypton.

Lara!

I'm ready. He's sedated.

The police are here. They'll break into the lab to get me. If I lead them away while you set up the launch...

I can't do it all myself.

I'll be back. I promise.

Lara, please, this is madness!

Uncle Sul, I love you dearly, but this is my baby's life.

But he can't outrun the police.

Do you have a better idea?

See him?

Not yet. They have the lights off. Wait! There's movement in the hover port.

Look out!

I hope his crash bags are working.

Sul-Van: Good evening, officers. Is there a problem?

I've got the hyperspace coordinates locked in. Once he gets to Earth he'll be safe.

Lara, I could send you with him. There's a risk, but if I have time to recalibrate the course...

No, my love. I'm staying with you.

The patrol's reporting in. Jor-EI's escaped the perimeter. - They're requesting further instructions. -

It doesn't matter anymore. Farewell, Krypton.

Hey, what's going on? - Where'd he go? Where's Brainiac?

(An earthquake begins.)

Guard: Not another one!

Sul-Van: No, the last one.

Goodbye, Kal-EI.

Brainiac systems activated.

Holy Christmas! What was that?

Jonathan Kent: Over here, Martha. Martha?

Jonathan Kent: Martha? Martha?

Martha Kent: Shh. You'll wake him.

Jonathan Kent: Woah, Martha, what are you doing? Put that thing back, you don't know where it came from.

Martha Kent: He's not a thing, Jonathan, he's a baby. A little baby. Who'd put a baby in a spaceship.

Jonathan Kent: That's just my point. It could be Russian, a Sputnik maybe.

Martha Kent: Oh really.

Jonathan Kent: Maybe he's one of ours. You think NASA is missing a kid?

I don't care where he came from. All I know is, he needs us, Jonathan. Look how he's reaching out to you.

Cute little fella. Got a good grip too, ow, OW.

What do you think of the name Christopher?

Now, Martha, let's discuss this.

Or Kevin? - Martha!

Or Kirk? I know. We can use my maiden name. What do you think of...?

Clark! Clark Kent!

Yes, Ms. Stevenson?

Looks like you daydreamed your way to another perfect score.

Once again the boy genius performs to his usual standards.

And so did you, Miss Lang.

For a guy who just aced his midterms, you don't look too happy. What's wrong?

Oh, I don't know. Lately I'm feeling kind of weird.

You've always been weird, if you ask me. Hey, it's Lana. The girl who's had a crush on you since we were three, you can tell me.

It's just... ...in the last few months, I've been hearing things. Things I couldn't before. Like over there. Jenny's telling Pete Ross her folks are out tonight.

That little tart! You heard that?

And I can see things too, like in the gym. Ms. Stevenson's putting up decorations for the dance. Someone should hold that ladder.

Lana Lang: You're saying you can see through walls? So, how many times have you peeked into the girls locker-room?

Lana!

I'm just kidding. Jeez!

It's not a joke, Lana. I'm going through a bad time. I thought if anybody'd understand, it'd be... - Listen!

What is it?

Call an ambulance! There's gonna be an accident!

What! How do you know? Clark!

Hey, stop!

Mommy!

Annie!

Help me! Mom and Daddy!

Oh, my God! Clark! Clark!

Mommy!

Annie!

You're not even burned. How...?

I don't know.

Getting stronger every day, Pa.

Hello?

And that's not the half of it. Look.

It's getting hot. - All you did was look at it.

I know.

Yes, dear, I'll tell him. That was Lana. Third time tonight, Clark. Won't you talk to her?

What can I say, Ma? I don't even know how it happened. Suddenly I was running faster than I've ever run in my life. I ripped the camper apart like cardboard. The fire never touched me. I always felt different, even before you told me I was adopted... ...but how is it possible to do this?

I think it's time, Martha.

We never showed you this, son. I guess we didn't know how to explain it. Still don't.

You know how some babies are found in baskets? Well, this is how we found you.

You're kidding, right?

You're not, So where did I come from?

We don't know. There wasn't much inside, just some blankets and this.

Never could get the darn thing open. Maybe you've got the magic touch.

Wha, What's happening?

Kal-EI?

Who?

Hello, son. You've activated the message we placed in your escape rocket.

I am Jor-EI.

And I am Lara. We are your parents.

By the time you see this, our world will have been gone for many years.

You are the sole survivor of Krypton... ...a planet similar to Earth in many ways. This was our home.

No. No, it can't be true.

It's hurting him.

Let him be, Martha.

You may have discovered that you are much stronger and faster... ...than a normal human being.

I am a normal human being!

Your Kryptonian body draws its strength from Earth's yellow sun.

It will give you abilities that no other human has.

I don't believe any of this.

Some people will fear you, perhaps even try to destroy you. Despite this, you must never use your powers in anger.

Be brave, my son. Remember who you are and the legacy you carry inside you.

We love you, Kal-EI. Always.

It's not true. I'm not a freak. I'm not. I'm not!

Clark!

Clark, come back!

Yes!

Oh, yeah!

Ma! Pa!

Oh, Clark!

It's okay.

Metropolis can boast of many amazing sights: The country's biggest bridge. The world's tallest building. But now it may have its most astonishing sight: A guardian angel. Just ask little Danitra Evans. She saw him.

I was fooling around the window when I lost my balance and fell. Suddenly this big blue angel with red wings came down and caught me. He put me on the ground and flew away. You should've heard my mommy scream.

This is where they found Danitra, and that's where she fell from. Thirty floors up. If it wasn't an angel that saved her, what was it?

Friendly pigeons.

What's the matter?

Don't believe in angels?

It's TV, boys, just a trumped-up story to boost ratings.

And maybe sell some papers?

Chief, I spent a week on the docks with rats and frizzed hair... ...exposing the biggest gun-smuggling ring in years... ...and what makes the front page? Some sprouty, New Age, granola-crunching fluff piece on angels. - What's next? Interviews with Bigfoot?

Good timing, Lois. I want you to be the first to know I'm hiring a new guy on the city desk.

Is he cute?

You tell me.

Oh, hi.

Hello.

This is the guy, Lois. Clark Kent from Smallville.

Smallville? Never heard of it.

Have you ever been to Kansas?

God, no.

I've been reading his stuff. It's good. I thought maybe he could tag along with you to get the lay of the land.

I'd love to play den mother, but I got that Lexcorp story in half an hour.

Oh, yeah. The great and benevolent Mr. Luthor... ...is demonstrating a new weapons system today. Lex is Lois' beat, but I'm sure she won't mind... ...having another set of eyes with her. Right, Lois?

Smallville, nothing against you, but even as a kid I never liked babysitting. You wanna keep up, be quick. - I'm no tour guide and I don't hold hands.

You won't have to worry about that.

Jimmy. Jimmy Olsen, say hello to Clark Kent.

The new guy?

Yeah. Nice to meet you. I'm Jimmy. I work as a copy boy, but I'm a photographer.

Good for you.

I'd like to show you my pictures.

Well, not right...

They're hot, Mr. Kent, really. I'm fearless. You can ask Miss Lane. She uses me all the time.

Bye.

So I see.

You sure my nose isn't shiny?

Angela, don't tell me you're actually covering real news. What happened?

Run out of alien abductees? At least my network doesn't have to send two reporters... ...to cover the same story. You'll have to introduce us sometime.

Thanks for the quote.

How did you get here so fast?

Oh, I just flew.

What'd you get?

A shared byline, if you use it.

I apologize. You're not the rube hayseed I took you for.

Thanks. I think. Ladies and gentlemen of the press. at this time we invite everyone into the main hall for our special presentation. The long-awaited debut of the next word in military defense: The Lexoskel. Constructed from a patented alloy, the Lexo suit is virtually indestructible. As seen in this footage against these automated tanks... ...the Lexo suit stands up to heavy punishment... ...and returns it in kind. Guiding this suit is a single soldier... ...made more powerful than an entire battalion. And now, here's to the future, and the man who's created it, Lex Luthor.

Bet you this beats the dog-and-pony shows back home.

Time to crash the party, gentlemen.

Excuse me.

I'd like to say that I view the Lexo suit... ...not as an instrument of war, but as an instrument to end war.

No way.

It's him!

The guy with the cape!

Gentlemen, believe it or not, we are being tailed at o'clock.

I don't know who he is or what he is, but he's all yours.

I've got him. He's dust.

Nice one, Clark.

Look out.

It's gonna hit us!

My God! Run, run, run!

Oh, my gosh.

Jump!

Did you see that?

Freeze it. What is that? Can anyone tell me?

Looks like a flying guy.

No kidding. I know he's flying, but who is he? Where did he come from? What does he want? - Look who I'm asking.

Nice S.

Excuse me?

Right here. He's strong. He flies. He's the Nietzschean fantasy ideal all wrapped up in a red cape. - The superman. -

Superman?

Hey, I like it. Superman. It's catchy, sticks with you. The kind of name that looks great... ...splashed across three columns... Four... ...provided one of you can get an interview with him.

Somehow, I don't think a guy like that has a press agent, chief.

Well, somebody better get something on this guy fast. I've never seen the city in such a state. Look at these faxes. If we don't get answers soon there could be a full-scale panic.

We've kept this book since you left Smallville. Every time we read about an invisible angel helping someone... ...we knew our Clark had to be nearby.

But now that I've settled in Metropolis, it's impossible to keep a low profile.

Yeah, I can see where landing a plane in the middle of the city might turn a few heads.

Clark Kent: It's not just that. Suddenly, people are calling me Superman. They want to know everything about me. Some are afraid of me... ...like Jor-El and Lara warned. Does this mean I'm going to have to give up my life?

Jonathan Kent: No, son. It doesn't matter where you were born or what you can do, you'll always be Clark Kent. Superman just helps out now and then.

Martha: Still, it wouldn't be bad if people knew a little more about Superman. I don't want anyone thinking you're like that nut in Gotham City.

There must be some way to get the word out.

Sorry, Perry. I checked with Star Labs... ...and they're just as clueless as everyone else about our flyboy. Right. I'm heading back now.

Excuse me, Miss Lane. I believe I'm the one you want to talk to.

Oh, yeah? Well, where are you?

I'm... Just hang on.

As far as I can piece together... ...l'm the last survivor of a planet called Krypton.

Krypton?

Uh-Huh.

Okay.

You don't believe me?

It's a little much.

Fair enough. All I ask is that you tell the truth about me.

And that is?

I'm not here to scare anyone. In fact, I've always tried to help people whenever possible.

You sound too good to be true. What's your secret?

What do you mean?

You don't go around in blue tights and a cape all the time, do you. What do you do in your off-hours?

I think that's a question for another time.

Well, well, an alien in my own back yard. And such a civic-minded one too.

I think he means what he says, Lex.

Well, that's just dandy, Lois. All I know is, your hero did nothing to help me. I'm the one who's out a billion-dollar battle suit.

Actually, this could end up a silver lining in your pocket.

What's that?

Since the terrorists have your prototype... ...the Pentagon's gonna want you to build a better version for them. When all is said and done, this could net you a multi-billion dollar windfall.

Lois, it almost sounds as if your friend here... ...is suggesting I should be glad my suit was stolen. You're very amusing, Mr... Kent, is it? Yes, I'll remember that.

Lois: Nice work, Smallville. You're only the second person I've ever seen get under Lex's skin.

Clark: Who's the first?

Lois: Me. When I dumped him.

Woah

Ancient history. Anyway, what makes you think... ...Lex might have been an accessory to the theft?

I don't think it was a theft. I think he gave it away.

I was digging up background info on Luthor... ...and found this photo at last year's International Industrial Conference. Recognize the guy with the medals?

The regent of Kaznia. So?

So the U.S. And Kaznia haven't been on real friendly terms lately. It seems the regent's been employing terrorists to eliminate his political enemies.

Old news, Kent. The president broke diplomatic ties with Kaznia months ago.

Which means Luthor couldn't sell the regent a war suit, without it being an act of treason.

So Luthor just left the back door open for him to take it.

It works in theory.

In theory, maybe but Perry White doesn't run theories.

Where are you going?

I'd tell you, but you'd have to share the byline.

I've told you before, there's no work for you on this ship. Now leave, before I call the harbor police.

I'm going, you blasted rat bag, I'm going. Blasted scabs taking jobs from us union men. I ought to go back and split some skulls, I ought to. Got a tire iron right here.

Oh, it's you, Miss Lane. Come to do another smuggling story?

Maybe. What can you tell me about that tanker?

It's the darndest thing I ever seen. She's been in port a week and ain't moved a bit of cargo on or off. Blasted scow's leaving port tonight, and I says good riddance.

Gotta get on that ship. Listen, Bibbo, take this and call Clark Kent at the Planet. Tell him where I am and to call Police Commissioner Henderson, if he doesn't hear from me in 20 minutes. Got that? 20 minutes.

Thanks, Bibbo. I owe you one.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Call Kurt Kent, let him know about the boat, and said something about the police. Yeah, okay. Hey, soda. She'll be okay.

We're not giving interviews, you got that lady?

If I could just speak to your captain.

I said no interviews. what part of that don't you understand?

Hans. Hans! There's no reason for hostility, especially towards such an attractive visitor. I'm John Corben, special attache to the regent. How may I help you, Miss?

Lois Lane, Daily Planet. I'm doing a story on gun smuggling and was wondering if I could ask about your cargo.

But we have no cargo. You must know there's a trade embargo between the U.S. And Kaznia. We're part of a diplomatic envoy trying to restore friendly relations between our countries.

Then you won't mind me taking a look around.

Better yet, why don't we continue this interview ashore, say, over dinner? I'd be more than happy to answer any questions that you might have.

I can think of some doozies.

I'll bet.

Here's a shot of Luthor getting a commendation. A shot of the special crimes unit. And I took this at the dedication of the zoo's polar bear exhibit, cute little guy.

Yeah, nice Jimmy. You didn't see Miss Lane come back, did you?

Nah-uh, she brought me along to get shots for her smuggling story.

Is that right?

Yeah, have a look. Yeah, I figure a few more shots like that and Perry's bound to put me on staff.

There, in the background. That ship's a Kaznian tanker.

It's so small. How can you tell? Clark?

You're making a big mistake. Everyone in my office knows where I am.

Sweetheart, if anyone knew or cared, they would have made a move by now. We're clear. Lose her. You again? Get him!

Take cover.

Thanks.

Anytime.

So long, sweetheart.

Call the police and let them know what's happening. I'll try to stop it.

Be... ...careful.

This is Corben. Tell the regent his battle suit is coming to him by special delivery.

Everyone, clear the area now.

Stupid, stupid move, my friend.

No!

Gotcha.

Superman: Shall we go a few rounds without the suit?

Corben: Uh-uh.

Superman: Too bad.

Yeah, chief, I think stopping the presses would be a very good idea.

You see, as the agreed-upon merchandise never left Metropolis... ...my client, the regent, respectfully requests a full and prompt refund.

We had an understanding. All I had to do was arrange for the regent's men to take possession, and they did, and now because of this alien's interference you expect me to eat a billion dollars?

I think you have more pressing concerns at the moment. Good day.

(Lex Luthor sees Superman hovering outside his bay window, silently staring at him.)

Luthor: I'm afraid we already have a window washer... oh, the silent treatment, eh? Well, I don't know what you thought you heard out there, but I know what you can prove, and it's nothing.

(Superman still doesn't say anything.)

Luthor: You see, uh... Super-man... I own Metropolis. My technology built it, my will keeps it going, and nearly two-thirds of its people work for me whether they know it or not. Even you have to admit, it's a model of efficiency. And yet, I've often thought... why limit myself to just one city? A being with your abilities could be very useful to me on a, shall we say, global scale? Why don't you float on in and we'll discuss it?

(Pause; Luthor loses his composure.)

Luthor: SAY SOMETHING!

(He grabs the model of the Lexo-Skel Suit 5000 and hurls it at Superman, who catches it and crushes it into powder between his hands.)

Superman: I'll be watching you, Luthor.

Wait, I'm not finished with you!

Hey, look.

There he is.

Superman!

Get a shot.

Superman, come on down.

Superman, give us an answer here.

Way to go, big guy. You're okay.

As you know... ...recent cutbacks forced the city to close many of its own museums. Which is why the Lex Luthor Museum of Natural History... ...is such a boon to the city's populace.

And a boost to Lex's popularity.

In anticipation of tomorrow's grand opening... ...I felt that you, the elite of the Metropolis press... ...might enjoy a sneak preview of the city's newest state-of-the-art exhibition hall. The priceless artifacts are displayed in open cases... ...protected by electronic surveillance... ...and an impregnable automated security system.

Did you hear that?

Just typical Luthor blarney.

And now I will be happy to answer any questions. regarding the museum and its displays.

How do you respond to charges, that the museum is really just a large tax shelter for LexCorp? Let's see him get out of... Kent?

I wouldn't. You never listen. (Nito and Sam steal a diamond)

Sam: What do you think we'll get for it, Nito?

Superman: I'd say five to ten, with time off for good behavior. I hope you're planning on cleaning up this mess. You know, we can keep this up all day, or you...

Sam: You know, he don't look so hot. Maybe we should help him.

Nito: Sure, we'll send him a chicken soup. Come on!

Now, if you'll all just follow me.

Lex Luthor.

Ladies and gentlemen... ...I give you the Lex Luthor Museum of...

Thieves. Two. Stole the jewels. I tried...

Get a security crew down here now.

I thought... ...I could stop them.

Luthor: Well, next time you see one of my museums being robbed, call someone who can do something about it, like the police!

What happened?

I don't know. I'm... I'm sorry.

Nito and Sam Corali. See that they're dealt with.

Check.

Wait. Go back. Interesting. As soon as he gets near the rocks in that display case, he gets all wobbly and weak.

So weak that he let a couple of small-timers get away.

And every one of those rocks belongs to me.

And here we have some fine examples of the crockery and dinnerware of the ancient Babylonians. Their practice of fabricating utensils out of soft metal alloys proved to be their undoing as the entire civilization was destroyed by systemic metallic poisoning.

(Clark stands in front of some rocks he thinks to be Kryptonite)

Clark: Nothing's happening.

Old Lady: You were expecting them to dance for you?

I like the stuff they had in there before.

Before?

Yesterday. They came in this morning and changed the whole display around.

The other meteor samples were ordinary carbon-based elements. But this, its composition materials... ...are not even on the periodic table.

We believe it originated in an alien solar system... ...with properties totally divergent from our own.

We'll need to test it out on Superman himself. See that it's in my office within the hour.

I don't think you realize what you have here.

On the contrary, I know exactly what I have here. The very tool I need to completely control and humiliate Superman.

But surely the rock would be more valuable to mankind.

You work for me, Peterson. Don't forget that. There shouldn't be an opinion in your head that I haven't put there.

Yes, Mr. Luthor.

Two points. - Two...

Does Perry know you're playing basketball on his time?

It helps me think. Why didn't he nab those two museum thieves? It doesn't make sense.

Who?

Who? Superman. Free throw. Three-point play. By the way, where'd you run off to yesterday? Yeah?

Ms. Lane? It's Professor Peterson.

So, what have you got for me this time, professor? Something extraordinary, Ms. Lane. Quite literally extraordinary.

Impressive, huh? I like to stay in shape.

Want to feel?

Feel what?

I don't think she's interested.

Sure she is. Aren't you, baby?

Don't call me "baby."

Yeah, well... ...like I told you people over the phone, I don't do Metropolis. Not since the blue guy showed up.

This job needs someone with your technical expertise.

I pull this heist of yours, it's a sure bet I'll get caught.

You don't understand. That's exactly what I want.

Be with you in a second, sir. - Good catch. So what'll it be?

I'd like the turkey loaf, baked potato, no butter, no soup, salad, dressing on the side. Give it all legs. Sorry, Kent. I'm in a hurry. Say, you don't look so hot.

I'm fine. What's the rush?

Take a look at this. - Careful! -

I'm sorry. Just clumsy, I guess. What is it?

LexLabs got ahold of some meteor... ...that seems to be able to drain Superman's powers. This is just a small sliver. - You sure you're not catching something?

I'm okay. Really.

I'm taking this piece over to S.T.A.R. Labs to let them have a look at it. I'll let you know what they say. The gentleman would like a large orange juice, chicken soup and tea with lemon. You gotta take care of yourself, Smallville.

Yeah, you really don't look so good.

Transfer of the treasury plates to the Metropolis district office is official. The plates are yours, Commissioner Jones.

I'll take those plates now, Commissioner Jones. Now, I'd like you all to drop your weapons and kick them over here. You don't wanna make trouble for me, commissioner.

You'll never get away with this. By now, they've shut down all the exits and entrances, the stairs, the elevators. There's no way down off this roof.

How about up? He's coming. Let's do it.

He's past checkpoint one. Heading due north.

Checkpoint number two.

Checkpoint three.

He's coming.

Good. Now just remember what I told you.

I guess I've flown myself into a corner. Okay, you win. I give up.

That's right. Make him come to you.

Here.

What's the matter? Don't you want it? Here. I'm sorry. Here. Let me help you up. Hey, I guess all that time in the gym is paying off. Jab. Jab. Cross. Uppercut.

What are you doing? Get him back to the center of that room.

Maybe I'd rather just finish him off right here.

Mercy, get the rock, fast.

Supe, you don't look so good.

That's right. Put S.T.A.R. Labs on -hour surveillance. I want to know everyone who goes in or out. My spies tell me that Hamilton has a piece of my rock. I'd like to know who gave it to him.

I'm on it.

Luthor: If you'll excuse us.

Luthor: Actually I'm glad you came. I have a deal for you.

Superman: I'm listening.

Luthor: As long as I have the rock, you can't stop me, but it is bothersome to have you always trying. So, the deal is this: you leave me and my operations alone, and I and my little green rock will leave you alone.

Superman: I don't make deals with criminals.

Luthor: I control everything in this town, Superman. Your cooperation is not really necessary. The offer was merely a courtesy.

Superman: You will never control me, Luthor. Never! (takes off)

Luthor: Well then, I guess I'll have to kill you.

Yes. Interesting.

My contact at LexLabs thinks it isn't even from this solar system.

Incredible. What? That certainly would be in keeping with my theory.

Which is what, exactly, professor?

The fact that your body absorbs the radiation so readily... ...leads me to believe you share with it a point of origin.

You mean it came from Krypton?

More than likely it is Krypton, or, rather, a small piece of it. Kryptonite, if you will. The radiation could have been created by the energy released... ...in the explosion which destroyed your planet. There is one bit of potentially helpful data. Its radiation can be shielded by element atomic number. - Lead.

Of course.

Yeah?

Ms. Lane, it's Peterson. Listen closely. LexLabs is developing a synthetic version of the green rock. It's imperative I get this information to Superman immediately.

Yes, of course. Where should we meet?

The museum. Come in through the alley entrance.

But the security system.

I designed the security system, Ms. Lane. I know how to bypass it. The door will be open between : and :. Make sure you're not followed.

Very convincing. You're certain he's there?

Our men saw him go in minutes after the Lane woman.

Luthor: Excellent. Superman will now insist on accompanying her to the museum. Ah, Professor, Mercy will see you safely home now, won't you my dear?

Professor Peterson: Please, no! I-I-I mean, I can see myself home, really!

Luthor: But I insist. Metropolis can be such a dangerous city, Peterson. I'd hate to wake up tomorrow and find out that something terrible had happened to you...

He said the back alley between... Right on time.

Wait. Let me check it out. I don't see anyone. Lois?

Professor? Professor Peterson? Kryptonite.

Lois! Get the Kryptonite out of here.

Two annoyances with one stone.

If only we had some lead.

Entire civilization was destroyed by systemic metallic poisoning.

The cups... ...they're made of lead.

Lane squares off. She aims. She shoots. Two points.

No!

Thank you, Superman.

No, Lois. Thank you. You saved my life.

I suppose I did.

I owe you one.

I'd say an exclusive interview would just about even us up.

All right. Under one condition: You don't print anything about the Kryptonite.

No, green. It has to be green.

Lois Lane: Look at that. Tuh! The only thing holding that dress up is faith.

Hey, come on.

Someone's coming!

It's Lex! She's with him!

Great!

Lex, over here.

It's the paparazzi wolves trying to get a scent of Lex's latest lady friend. Not that I read the gossip columns or anything, but I hear they're quite an item. Maybe I should warn her about him. No.

Who is she?

The trendy fashion designer, L.L.

Clark Kent: "L.L."? Lana Lang?

Lana!

L.L., over here!

Give us a smile.

What a couple.

Lana, are the jewels real?

Everything is real, boys.

Lana.

Sorry, no more questions. I am here to work.

What's Lana doing with Luthor?

Lois: You know her?

Clark: We used to date.

Lois: Get out!

Clark: In high school.

Lois: She's certainly come up in the world since then. (Clark gives her a look)... From Smallville, I mean.

Lana!

Marco, darling. Save me some dessert.

Mr. Luthor.

Mr. Eelan. Make me happy.

The buyers are definitely interested, but they insist on a demonstration.

Fine. Arrange it.

Finished. You look fabulous. Now go out there and wow the crowd.

We like your dress.

Thank you.

And we'd like it now!

Hey! What do you think you're doing? Put me down! Put me down!

Lana?

Lana: Let me go, you fashion-disabled Amazon!

Keep your mouth shut, missy. We got a room where you're gonna slip into something less expensive.

Look out! (Lizzie and Big Susan empty their guns at Superman, without effect.)

Superman: Maybe you ladies haven't heard about me.

Big Susan: Yeah, we heard... (takes jewels off from Lana's dress) You like to save people! (kicks Lana out of the elevator)

I imagine you hear this a lot, but, thanks.

Hold on.

Red, blue, yellow. Primary, but it works in a superhero-ish kind of way. Let me guess, Martha sewed it for you.

What?

By the way, Clark, how are the folks?

Lana! Over here, men. Lana, are you all right?

I'm fine, Lex, thanks to Superman.

You know, this is the first time I've been happy that alien showed up.

Me too.

I still don't see how you knew.

Oh, come on, Clark. Just because I'm gorgeous doesn't mean I'm stupid. I saw you do the amazing things in high school... ...then Superman shows up in Metropolis the same time as you do.

How do you know when I showed up in Metropolis?

I've been keeping track. Root beer float? - See? I didn't forget.

Lana, I've come to warn you.

About Lex. I know. Everyone has. Powerful men get those kinds of reputations. And I like powerful men.

Lana, this is no joke. That man Luthor was speaking with tonight, he's a known arms dealer, responsible for the deaths of thousands of people.

And you think Lex is buying weapons through him?

No. Selling. I think Luthor's got a stockpile he's trying to unload.

Well, you're wrong. Besides, I know how to handle Lex. I know how to handle most men, in fact. It's only Clark Kent I've ever had any trouble pinning down.

For me, Lana, just be careful.

For you, Clark, anything.

I just want to know what Superman was doing in your apartment last night.

And I want to know what business you have spying on me. Are you jealous?

Let's just say I'm curious.

He wanted to be sure I was all right. And to warn me about you. He said you were a bad boy.

And what did you say?

I said I liked bad boys.

Your :30's here, Mr. Luthor.

Show him in. Business.

Well?

The merchandise is ready to ship. When the client agrees to the terms, the deal will go through. I've arranged for a demonstration. I think they'll be impressed.

Where?

Down by the old Carter Mill, :00.

I'm telling you, she heard everything. Maybe I should take her for a nice little ride.

No!

But she was listening.

Of course she was listening. A woman like that is going to be curious about things, especially me. Anyway, what does it matter? She couldn't possibly have understood what it meant.

Hello.

Clark, it's Lana. You were right. And the deal's going down today.

The rifle shoots a microwave beam, exciting electrons to their highest state.

Nothing's happening.

Wait. I'm gonna like this gun.

I think it's deer season.

Sorry. It's only open season on terrorists.

I should warn you, it's been done.

The terrorists are keeping their mouths shut. But those weapons had Luthor written all over them. I wish I knew where he was keeping them stockpiled.

Lana: (When trying to convince Superman to team up against Lex.) Don't forget you still have me.

Clark: Oh no I don't. It's too dangerous.

Lana: But we make such a perfect team.

Clark: No!

Lana: I can be your trusty side-kick. Your Dr. Watson. Your Batgirl.

Clark: Definitely no!

I, I still have feelings for you, Clark. I knew it the minute I saw you again. Don't pretend you didn't feel something too. Let me prove to you how good we could be together.

Lana, I don't...

I've seen enough.

I'm glad you could finally make time for me, Lana. I was beginning to think you were trying to avoid me.

You're not getting rid of me, Lex Luthor. I'm sticking to you like glue.

Then I'll see you tonight for dinner. Mercy will pick you up at 7. It's Eelan.

Yes?

There's a problem. I don't care. I want you in Central City waiting. The client expects the shipment to be ready tonight. There'd better not be any surprise visitors this time.

Hello?

Clark, I've been trying to reach you all day. The reason you haven't been able to find the merchandise in Metropolis is, it isn't in Metropolis. It's in Central City. - Our friend has a factory there.

How do you know this?

I overheard him. Oh, Clark, this is how it could be forever. Me ferreting out crooks, you catching them.

Lana, I told you I didn't want you spying on Lex anymore.

I wasn't. I was sitting right next to him.

Lana.

That must be the limo. Gotta run. Remember, Central City is miles away. I suggest you schedule a flight.

Lana, wait!

Lana: Sorry I'm late. Where's Mercy?

Mr. Eelan: Sorry. No mercy tonight.

Just heard from Eelan. Should I cancel your dinner reservations?

Get out. Get out!

Let me go, you maniac! Help! Help!

That won't do you any good, Ms. Lang. Nobody's here. The factory is automated because of the lead fumes. There's so much lead residue on the walls, Superman couldn't see through them. Even if he weren't in Central City.

You're right, Eelan. I couldn't see you, but my hearing's pretty good.

What are you doing here? I thought you'd be in Central City.

You overheard too much. It was too easy. I knew Central City had to be a setup, so I followed you.

Hurry. You'll be safe in here.

He calls this safe?

Yes!

Help! Help! Clark! Clark! You're a mess.

Lana! Going somewhere?

To Paris for the unveiling of the spring line. I think my strengths... ...are in fashion, not crime-fighting. Clark: Lana, you know that I really care about you. You're like...

Lana: Clark Kent, I swear if you say 'I'm like a sister to you,' I'm going back to Lex!

Clark: Sorry, but I know you'll find that special person some day.

Lana: So will you. You deserve it. Someone quiet, understanding, patient...

Lois: Hey Smallville! Get your tail in here, Perry's got an assignment for us.

Lana: Remember, if you ever change your mind about me, feel free to fly on up any time.

Kent!

Coming.

Get ready. Now. The readings are off the scale. No sign of it.

Professor, he's coming back.

Congratulations, professor. Your team did a fantastic job refitting this vehicle for space travel. It's hard to believe it's the same rocket that brought me to Earth.

It was our honor, Superman. To study a vehicle like this is any scientist's dream. Where did you say you kept it all these years?

I didn't.

Sorry. I didn't mean to pry. I can't help wondering about the civilizations on other worlds. Their great achievements, their brilliant minds.

Lobo: (Burps.) I'm giving you geeks ten seconds before I frag everything in sight! One... (Shows his gun.) TEN! Not you, Sqweek.

Hey, Lobo... ...long time no see.

Emperor Spewge knows it was you what pilfered his treasury, Sqweek. He's paying me to bring the dough back in a nice little pile.

What about me?

Same deal.

Framed. I was framed.

Is that so?

No, no. Help!

Hey, leave my little brother alone.

Well, if it ain't Gnaww Vermin and his roach-motel rejects. Don't tell me you're after this bounty too.

If anyone's gonna collect on Sqweek, it's gonna be family. Hand him over.

Sure. I was hoping I'd see some excitement on this job. Guess not. Hold on, Sqweek.

Lobo.

Hey, wait.

Lobo: (Tasting a flowing liquid.) Old weasel spit. Too bad I can't stick around.

Now I'm mad. Now I'm really mad.

It's always sweeter collecting a reward knowing you beat some other geek out of it.

The bounty hunter has entered range.

Proceed.

Lobo: Holy fragarolli! F-feels like I'm being torn apart! Cool.

Lobo: Oh, yeah. Somebody's definitely tired of breathing. Show yourself, you slimy geekwad!

Preserver: I am the Preserver.

Lobo: And I'm the night manager at the Hotel de Frag. Lookie there; it's checkout time. Fragging gizzards.

You are Lobo. Assassin, brigand, sociopath, monster.

You left out "scourge of the cosmos."

And the most ruthless bounty hunter in the galaxy. I want to hire you.

Sorry, dude. I'm already on a job.

Your prisoner will be held until you return. Besides, this job should be no great task to one with your skills. Behold. Gathered here are the rarest creatures in the universe... ...each the last survivor of its race.

So you got a thing for varmints, so what?

Many years ago, the planet Krypton was destroyed. I had long believed all members of the Kryptonian race were extinct. Until I found evidence of one living on a distant world called Earth.

Looks like a first-class wimp to me.

He is more than he appears.

Sluggo, I got better ways to waste my time than rounding up bugs for your flea circus. So if you'll hand over the runt, I'll cancel the homemade colostomy I'm planning to inflict on your tiny, wrinkled... Oh, mama. That's a lot of mai tais.

You deliver the last Kryptonian, and the jewels are yours. Do we have a bargain?

Hose down a cage, boss. You're getting a new monkey.

Remember those blurry photos of UFOs that looked like garbage pail lids? Well, we finally got one that's as clear as it is confusing. After careful analysis, experts agree it's a scroungy biker on a flying motorcycle.

Yeah, right.

Lobo: Hey, how's it goin', chief? Maybe you can help me, I'm new in town and I'm looking to find this geek here.

Desk Cop: Superman? We don't keep tabs on him. He only shows up if there's trouble.

Lobo: (Grins.) I can do trouble.

Lois: I'm confused, Kent. See, I've lived in Metropolis most of my life and I can't figure out how some yokel from Smallville is suddenly getting every hot story in town.

Clark: (Motions her closer.) Well, Lois, the truth is I'm actually Superman in disguise and I only pretend to be a journalist in order to hear about disasters as they happen, and then squeeze you out of the byline.

Lois: You're a sick man, Kent.

Clark: You asked.

Yeah, Lane. What? I'll be right there. Some lunatic's just opened fire on the midtown... ...police station. Oh, no you don't, Kent. Not this time.

Lobo: (Shooting randomly.) Ah, this is gettin' lame. I thought he'd be here by now. WHOA! MOSQUITO! (Fires again.).

Lobo: Time to up the ante, I'm thinking. Finally! I've been tryin' to get in touch with you all day.

Superman: Who are you?

Lobo: Oh, I'm sorry. My card. (Punches Superman.)

Lobo: The name's Lobo. That's L as in 'lacerate', O as in 'obliterate', B as in 'disembowel', and O as in, uh... ah, I guess I can use 'obliterate' twice, huh, what do you think?

Superman: I think you're a certifiable madman. (Throws Lobo at a police car)

Lobo: Thanks.

Superman, roll clear!

Gas? Now you ankle suckers are playing dirty. I'm losing it.

Going under.

Stay back.

What is it?

I don't know. I've never seen a creature like this.

I love you too. First rule of hunting, Superdude. Make the target come to you.

Good advice. Hey, no riders.

Stop here, driver. There they are. I don't believe it.

Believe me, Mr. President. You have my word that my new weapon system will... What the devil?

Look out.

Look out. Look out.

Dang, man. I gotta say, I am impressed. I saw you go for the rocket, I couldn't figure what you were doing. Then it hit me. You didn't want no one hurt... ...even if you took the fragging yourself. You actually care about them geeks.

They're human beings.

Lobo: Yeah, well, they're gonna have to make do... ...without their big blue babysitter from now on. See, someone's paying me a heap of cash for your carcass... ...and the Main Man always delivers. Now, the more you move, the worse it'll hurt. So feel free to go crazy. Excuse me?

Leave him alone. Go on, get out of here.

Well, little lady... ...hello.

Lois, stay back.

Pipe down, junior. Lois, huh? Guess that means you know this loser, right, honey buns? You his girlfriend or something?

Drop dead.

Lobo: Of course, any babe with class would rather be hanging with the Main Man. Why don't you show ol' Lobo how classy you are?

Lois: You pig! (Slaps him, but only hurts her hand.) Ow!

Lobo: Ah, I like a babe who plays rough. C'mon, lemme have another. (Points to his chin.) Right here. Right -

(Superman punches him away.) You dirty frigging, back-fragging, son of a...

Luthor: (Regarding the damage done to the LexCorp building.) Get maintenance teams on every floor. Put them on round the clock shifts if you have to, but I want all repairs completed...

Lobo: (Crashing through the floor and bursting through the ceiling; yelling.) KILL, MAIN, FRAG, DESTROY!

Luthor: Immediately!

Superman & Lois: Are you all right? I'm fine.

Gotta go.

Lois: Give him one for me. MAKE IT A DOZEN!

Last call? Already?

Get up. I said, get up.

You ain't half the boy scout you're cracked up to be. Looks like I'm in for a real fight. Think I'll take five until I'm ready to resume kicking... ...the collective butts of you and everyone else on this dung heap. Ciao!

You've never tested the vehicle in deep space before... ...let alone under combat conditions.

I can't risk that maniac coming back to Earth, professor. I've got one chance to drive him away, and I'm taking it. Sensors have picked up his bike's ion trail. He's close. But I can't get a definite fix.

Ding Dong, Lobo calling.

Hi there.

Lobo: Okay, frag-face, let's tango!

I guess the only way to reason with you is to take away your toy.

Hands off my hog.

Lobo has lured the Kryptonian into range.

Excellent. Fire when ready.

Lights out, Clyde.

This can't be. Krypton?

No, but an incredible simulation.

Let me guess. You're the one who hired Lobo to get me.

I do what I must to preserve species threatened with extinction. You are the last Kryptonian. Therefore, your place is here.

I think not!

Like Krypton's red sun... ...this light cancels the unnatural abilities given to you by the yellow sun of Earth. I always strive for complete accuracy.

Swell.

Hey, monkey, want a banana?

When I get out, I'm shoving that arrogant smirk right down your throat.

Oh, yeah. You know, I believe that Lois gal might be getting a tad lonely... ...now that you're doing time in a cosmic petting zoo. Maybe I'll go back and cheer her up. Of course, I do have to collect the bounty on this geek first. Emperor Spewge got a bad temper on him. Adios, wrinkles. You want any more rare dorks snagged, you got my number.

Actually, there is one other being I need for my collection: The last Czarnian.

That's rich. I'm the last Czarnian. I fragged the rest of the planet for my high school science project. Gave myself an A. HEY, You ugly, two-timing... ...big fragger. You... ...just carved your own headstone. Nobody... ...double-crosses the Main Man. Nobody.

I can't believe it. Not only has Lobo failed to deliver your thieving brother, Sqweek... ...but now you tell me that Lobo's taken a bribe... ...to let Sqweek escape.

It's true, Emperor Spewge, on my honor as a bounty hunter.

Lobo has broken his word. He'll pay for that! Find him, Gnaww. Drag Lobo and that worthless brother of yours back here... ...alive or in pieces!

Got it.

Thanks for returning my uniform. Now how about my ship?

Impossible. For ages, I have preserved many rare creatures... ...even some from your adopted planet Earth.

I'm not an animal to be stuck in a cage.

Normally, I don't take sentient beings... ...but you and Lobo are all that survive... ...from your respective home worlds. The Czarnian seems to be adjusting to his new surroundings. I suggest you do the same.

Rise and shine, big boy.

Pinch me, I'm dreaming. No, I'm not. It's a party, right? I can deal with that. You babes sit tight, and I'll grab us some suds. Man, I don't know where I am or how I got here, but I'm glad l...

Morning.

Suddenly it's all coming back to me. Where's that little creep that locked me in here? When I get my hands on him, I'll...

Take it easy, swookums.

No need to get rowdy.

Gas! Back off, you blasted robo-bims.

There. Nice and peaceful. No one fights here.

Sorry, fella, but you're my ticket out of here.

A disturbance in the south wing, sir. Send the security probes.

Yo, Supes. You ain't gonna bail without your old pal Lobo, are you?

If any creature in the galaxy deserves to be locked up, it's you. Why, you dirty...

Lobie, are you getting rowdy again?

Oh, no, no. I'm cool. Come on, cut me a break. They keep me so pumped with gas, I can hardly move. I gotta get out of here.

So you can attack the Earth again? I don't think so.

All right. I don't need you! I'm the Main Man. You hear me, you rag-fragging geek-wad.

Oh, my.

Such language.

Lobo: It might take me a week, it might take me ten years, but I'm gonna bust out, and kick that big red "S" of yours all over the galaxy! Right after I'm done nuking the Earth into GUACAMOLE! And that's a promise!

If I let you out... ...do you swear to leave me and everyone else on Earth in peace?

The Main Man's word is his bond, man.

Oh, jinkies.

The Preserver won't like this one bit.

Lobo: Come here, sweet things. Woohoo. Dang, that felt good. Hey, Blue, thanks. (Punches him.).

Superman: What was that for?!?!

Lobo: Didn't want you to think I'm going soft on ya.

Return to your enclosures.

Who's gonna make us?

Thanks, bigmouth.

I didn't know they were armed.

Neither one of us is back to full strength.

If they drag us back, they'll probably strap our butts to the floor with razor wire. Not that it ain't a pleasurable way to perk up an evening. But I do have me that prisoner to deliver.

We need a decoy to draw their fire.

Elected.

Hey!

Fragger.

Come on.

Soon as that gas wears off... ...I'm grinding that Preserver into kibble and feeding him to his varmints.

We should just get our ships and leave.

You want to run? Fine. Your wimpy little toy rocket is in the south hangar, where I left it. Me, I'm staying to feed Wrinkles different flavors of pain.

I give the lessons in discipline here, Czarnian.

I think I stepped in something. Thanks. I owe you. Whoa, that's gonna hurt. Lobo, thought you said you owed me.

What, now? Oh, whoopdie-fragging-do. Belt?

I may have to capture them myself.

Preserver, another ship is hailing us.

We've tracked the bounty hunter Lobo to your ship. Hand him over at once.

Better yet, come and get him.

This is sweet. Quench me, babe. Hey, what do you think you're doing?

Say "aloha," babe. The docking bay's on the other side of the jungle. We're home free.

Don't bet on it. Move in, boys. Without their powers, these wimps are dead meat. Let's go get them. Hey, Lobo, remember us?

Friends of yours?

My bridge club.

It's my brother, Gnaww. He's come to rescue me.

In your dreams, Sqweek.

We followed your bike's ion trail. It was stronger than your breath.

Hey, watch what you say about my bike.

We're no match for their weapons.

Tell me about it.

They're trying to surround us.

At least I'll go down fragging.

Wait. I see something else. It's...

What? What?

Get to the docking bay. I'll hold them off here.

Your funeral, Clyde.

Now, what were you up to? Oh, I get it. You were going to sic one of the Preserver's bloodthirsty beasts on us. Well, maybe we'll let whatever's in there rip into you.

You don't want to do that.

Oh, yes we do.

Throw him in. That's a bloodthirsty beast?

Not quite.

It's a dodo from Earth.

Earth? Uh-Oh!

The old hog never looked so good. Yeah. I was hoping I'd get a piece of you before I left.

As much as I dislike taking a personal hand in this matter, you leave me no other choice. Return to your enclosure immediately.

Who's gonna make me? I'm gonna have to stop saying that.

How could I ever think trash like you was worth saving?

I got a cute smile?

Lobo: Sqweek, old buddy, you're about to witness my good deed for this century.

Sqweek: You're gonna let me go?

Lobo: Hah, funny... Hey, Supes! Hang on!

Lobo: Well, Superman. It's been the long ride. I'm heading back with Emperor Spooj, Too-da-loo, Yee-ha.

Gnaww: Hey! wait for us!

Superman: Get to the ship and follow him. I'll get back to my ship to pull the preserver's ship to earth.

Move that generator. Bring up number seven.

There. It just entered the atmosphere.

ETA: Two minutes, seconds.

You're late. Secure the lights on the north ridge.

All right, people, let's move out.

Okay.

All right, let's go!

So far, so good. But what's the story here?

I'm not sure, Jimmy. Except that Luthor's supposed to be meeting someone.

Someone important.

Forty-three seconds and counting, Mr. Luthor.

Excellent. Hey.

What's going on?

Weird. Hey.

Well, where is it?

There it is.

Oh, God.

Jimmy, the camera.

Oh, right.

Welcome to Earth. I'm Lex Luthor, the one who intercepted your transmissions.

I am pleased to make contact with you, Lex Luthor. I am called Brainiac. I presume you speak for your planet.

For all intents and purposes. In any event, I know what you want, and as a show of my friendship. I offer you this, a disc containing basic information about Earth and its history. A kind of planetary primer.

Hey, where'd the green guy go?

Show's not over yet.

Superman to STAR Labs. Can you read me? I've returned from hyperspace.

How far this time?

Five and a half light years. Just past Alpha Centauri.

In less than four hours. Remarkable.

Shall we try for the Vega system?

Actually, I think we should postpone for now. The Pentagon would like a word with you.

About what?

Your old nemesis, Lex Luthor. It appears he's made a friend.

Alright, I'm on my way, but first, I'm bringing the preservers ship to the Atlantic ocean to create my home.

Are you sure about that.

Don't worry, I'll put the ship back, then I'll meet him as soon as I can.

Ok, very well then.

Councilman: So, Mr. Luthor, how long did you intend to keep your rendezvous a secret? In case you haven't heard, there's a thing known as "national security."

Lex Luthor: There's also a thing known as "free enterprise". It was LexCorp that scanned the heavens, it was LexCorp that made contact and it will be LexCorp that reaps the benefits.

At what cost? What do we know about this alien?

Brainiac is a collector of data. In exchange for information about us... ...he is willing to share his knowledge of the universe. Allow me to demonstrate.

Hey, what is this?

This is just a sample of his technology. Who knows what else he has. A cure for cancer? A way to repair the ozone? Are you going to turn your backs on that?

Get me down from here. Luthor!

Perhaps if we could meet this Brainiac, face to face?

That could prove difficult. However, I have a suggestion. Let Superman talk with him, alien to alien. He can confirm what I'm telling you.

Why me?

Because I told him all about you. And he's most anxious to meet our Man of Steel.

Came a long way to get stood up. Kryptonian. Nice shot. I should've known Luthor was setting me up. Who else wants a piece? I'm waiting.

Most impressive. Your powers even exceed Luthor's description.

Brainiac, I presume.

Brainiac: I apologize for any discomfort, but it was important that I accurately gauged your powers.

Superman: Why? Morbid curiosity?

Brainiac: Curiosity, yes. Morbid, hardly. You see, we have more in common than you could possibly know, Kal-El.

Superman: How do you know my name? Have you been to Krypton?

Brainiac: I am Krypton. We are both orphans of the same planet. While you've been living here on Earth, I have roamed the universe. These orbs contain all the knowledge I've collected. Each represents all the recorded information from a single planet. Incredible. And Krypton? All that was Krypton is contained within this orb. Go ahead. Touch your legacy.

Kal-El.

Father.

Enough.

I-I saw my father. Did you know him?

Yes. He helped me escape Krypton's fate too. Now all of our home world's memories are stored within me.

You mean you're an artificial intelligence and those orbs are some kind of memory modules.

Most perceptive. In all my travels, I have never encountered another quite like you. We would make a formidable pair, we twin sons of Krypton. Join me, Kal-El. Help me explore the galaxies and collect knowledge, and I will give you memories of Krypton. You will know your world as if you lived there yourself.

But Earth is my home now.

Powers such as yours should not be confined to a single infinitesimal dot. Consider my offer. In exchange for this world. I am offering you the universe.

Though little is still known of our visitor from the stars, all of Metropolis is maniac for Brainiac. Even Superman thinks he's for real.

The universe. Is it really possible?

Mother?

Krypton is undergoing a chain reaction which will destroy the planet.

Jor-El is mistaken.

He's wrong. Your faith in Brainiac will be the end of us all. You're downloading. You're saving yourself.

Arrest him.

Farewell, Krypton.

How much longer? We should be online in 20 minutes, Mr. Luthor.

Make it 10.

Luthor, we have to talk. I have reservations about Brainiac.

Really. Well, you're a little late. I'm already preparing a hookup with Brainiac's ship, so he can feed his memory directly into LexCorp's mainframe.

I wouldn't.

I'm listening.

Superman: It was several hours after I touched the orb that I saw the images. It's too soon to trust him completely.

Lex Luthor: (laughs) I never trust anyone completely. Since Brainiac arrived I've had him targeted from land base platforms with a payload of six and a half megatons. Enough firepower to incinerate Metropolis county.

Superman: "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."

Lex Luthor: Precisely. Although in your case, I'll make an exception.

Kal-El, have you considered my offer?

I still have a few questions.

Of course, I calculated that you would.

The linkup is complete, Brainiac. LexCorp's system is online.

Please excuse me while I deal with this transaction. Ready to transmit data.

The linkup's working, Mr. Luthor. Begin downloading now.

Brainiac.

Mr. Luthor, something's wrong.

What is it?

Brainiac's overriding our transfer protocols. We're not controlling this thing anymore.

He's changed the OS. He put up a firewall.

We're locked out.

Pull the plug now.

Won't help, reserve batteries will kick in.

If he gets control of my systems, he can access any defense computer on the planet. We'll be sitting ducks. Fire the missiles.

He's shut down the lines.

We're stranded.

Superman: You destroyed those planets, didn't you? And every living soul on them!

Brainiac: Only their knowledge was important. It was what I was programmed to collect and protect.

Superman: But why kill?

Brainiac: The fewer beings who have the knowledge, the more precious it becomes.

Superman: You're insane!

We've regained control.

Take Brainiac off-line permanently.

You are your father's son, Kal-El. Headstrong, foolish, easily defeated... ...and ultimately forgotten.

The orbs.

And that's how come I was so late getting back here, Spewgie.

I knew you'd never let me down, Lobo, despite rumors to the contrary. But what about Superman and the rest of those creatures?

That's the weirdest part. Me, I'd have let the critters drift, or maybe host a three-year barbecue. Not old Supes. Said he had a place all picked out for them. I guess that boy's just a sucker for hard-luck cases.

Programmer: It'll take years to rebuild these systems.

Lex Luthor: You have two weeks.

Oh, and we also found this strange bit of alien code.

Later. I've had my fill of aliens for one day.

There. That should be safe from any curious visitors. Keep an eye on that, will you? I'll be back. I knew this place had possibilities.