Nostalgia Critic- Jetix

Hyped up for action and adventure 24/7?! Then the Critic is about to show you the awesome-st (both good and bad) that the World of Jetix has to offer!

(After the Channel Awesome logo and theme song play, the Critic is enjoying a typical beautiful morning.)

Nostalgia Critic: It's 2022, and the show's 15th anniversary is near. Damn, I'm getting old already!

(Curious, he grabs a pair of tweezers and pulls one strand of gray hair from his nostrils. We zoom in to the image of the hair. A red circle surrounds the strand, with a text saying "Gray hair. No, really!", with an arrow pointing at the circle.)

Nostalgia Critic: Well, you all know the day was coming.

(Just then, a panicky Yinyangyofan24 storms into the studio.)

Yinyangyofan24: Help me, please!

Nostalgia Critic: (annoyed) Alright, chill out! Who the hell are you, and what's your problem?!

Yinyangyofan24: (stressed out) Nostalgia Critic, I am Yinyangyofan24 from Fandom! And I need your help!

Nostalgia Critic: Why? And how do you know my name?

Yinyangyofan24: I watched your show!

Nostalgia Critic: Good to know.

Yinyangyofan24: And your buddies Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, and Heather are coming at me with uzis and machetes!

Nostalgia Critic: Now why would they do that?

(Speak of the devil, the four barge right to the door while dramatic music plays, with pissed-off looks on their faces. And they are indeed carrying weapons. Malcolm and Heather have uzis, and Tamara and Walter have machetes.)

Malcolm: Where is he?!

Walter: Never mind that! There he is!

Yinyangyofan24: (terrified) See, Critic! They're after me!

Nostalgia Critic: What did this Fandom writer---Wait. What Wiki do you use?

Yinyangyofan24: Idea Wiki, mostly.

Nostalgia Critic: Okay. What the fuck did this guy do to break you guys this badly?

Tamara: Isn't it obvious? Something that made Walt Disney roll in his grave the hardest!

Heather: Wanna know what he did?

Malcolm: (losing it) HE GAVE JETIX A POSITIVE REVIEW!

(Followed by crickets chirping)

Nostalgia Critic: So?

Heather: Don't "so" us, Critic!

Nostalgia Critic: I don't believe this! Over Jetix?! I never even watched it in my whole life!

Yinyangyofan24: One of the greatest lineups in television history. Not the best, but still remains in the Top 5!

Tamara: Oh my God! What is wrong with you?!

Walter: Yeah! Jetix sucks!

Malcolm: It's so bad, and short-lived, it's kinda pointless!

Tamara: Even the Disney Vault has rejected it!

Heather: It injects you with stupid, and before you know it, your brain gets replaced with, well, you know,...stupid!

Yinyangyofan24: Oh, grow up!

Malcolm: (threatening Yinyangyofan24 at gunpoint) YOU GROW UP! AND YOU'LL LISTEN!!!

Yinyangyofan24: You're gonna kill me because I love Jetix? This isn't worth it!

Malcolm: SHUT UP! All Jetix fans don't belong in this world! They deserve to be wiped off of the face of the Earth!

Nostalgia Critic: (having enough) Alright! Break it up! Let him go!

Tamara: Why?

Nostalgia Critic: Is it really fair to kill someone who likes what you hate?

Walter: Nobody cares.

Nostalgia Critic: Well, I do! Ending him over something stupid is bullshit!

Heather: You don't get it, do you? (brandishes a machete) Unless, we shall---

(An alarm goes off on Yinyangyofan24's watch.)

Yinyangyofan24: Oooh. It's time!

(He then zooms and escapes at the speed of light.)

Malcolm: He's getting away! Wait...(dramatic sting) he's not doing what I think he's doing!

Walter: Don't let him get away!

(Everyone goes in pursuit.)

Nostalgia Critic: Hey! Get back here! Slow down, will ya!

(Yinyangyofan24 thinks he lost them, feels safe and relieved, and turns on the TV. The Jetix logo plays, much to his delight.)

Yinyangyofan24: Ah, Jetix. What can I do without you.

Malcolm: (out of nowhere, catching Yinyangyofan24 off guard) More than you know.

(And then, the TV switches to Tom and Jerry, with its title sequence playing.)

Yinyangyofan24: Hey! Change it back!

(After a dramatic sting, he turns to and gasps an enraged Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, and Heather before he can ever touch the remote.)

Malcolm: Don't even think about it! (dramatic music plays again)

Tamara: You’re still an adult, dude. Can’t you just hate everything?

Yinyangyofan24: Hmm, let me think---(barks) NO!!!

Heather: You're a bit half-strung.

(Yinyangyofan24 then switches the TV back to Jetix, that is playing a promo.)

Yinyangyofan24: Now scram, while I experience my kind of zen and peace

Heather: No!

(Tamara switches the TV back to The Flintstones, also playing its theme from Season 3.)

Walter: Please. Jetix is BAD. They have the worst programming imaginable!

Yinyangyofan24: No! TLC is worse! If I were you, I'd reconsider!

(Yinyangyofan24 changed back to Jetix. Everyone else had enough, as Malcolm holds Yinyangyofan24 at gunpoint, again.)

Malcolm: Turn that shit off! (dramatic music plays again)

Yinyangyofan24: Or what? You're gonna shoot me? I doubt you have the balls to do so!

Tamara: Are you trying to taunt us? It ain't working.

(Malcolm switches the channel to Ghostbusters 2, Yinyangyofan24 switches to Jetix, Heather switches to the Chargotron commercial, Yinyangyofan24 switches back to Jetix, Walter switches to lyrics from "Straight Outta Compton", and Yinyangyofan24 switches back to Jetix the third time. And before Tamara can even touch the remote to change the channel...)

Yinyangyofan24: (makes a scary face, enraged with a demonic voice) GET OUT!!!

(Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, and Heather all get caught off guard.)

Walter: Whoa! Dude, just take a chill pill, okay?

Heather: Look, we don't want any trouble.

(The Critic finally arrives, panting a bit.)

Nostalgia Critic: Hey! Hey! What's going on here? And someone go easy on the tension here!

Tamara: He's watching Jetix! And he's being a dick about it!

Nostalgia Critic: Well, let him.

Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, Heather: WHAT?!?

Walter: I thought you're on my side!

Nostalgia Critic: I am! And I already told you killing him over petty shit is meaningless! (looks at the screen) Y’know, those blue and gray backgrounds were more...mind-blowing than I remember them.

Malcolm: Wait, what?

Yinyangyofan24: (excitedly) You watched Jetix too?!

Nostalgia Critic: Well, a little.

Heather: No, Critic! A little’s one too many!

Malcolm: Run! Get out of here while you still can!

Yinyangyofan24: Leave him alone, Malcolm! Me as well! I’m gonna watch Jetix even at the day I die, and do you know possession is nine tenths of the law?!

Walter: Nice try, pal! (brandishes his uzi) Now change the channel for we'll blow you to the moon!

Heather: No bad deed goes unpunished. Get him!

Yinyangyofan24: (weak squeal in fear)

(Before anyone can ever touch a hair on Yinyangyofan24's skin, the Critic calls them out.)

Nostalgia Critic: (having enough) Everybody, stop! Stop! (fighting stops; he then states calmly) Just, hear me out.

Walter: What do you know about Jetix that doesn't piss you off?!

Nostalgia Critic: Well, you know, any number of things.

(Clips from various Jetix commercials, bumpers, and shows play.)

Nostalgia Critic (vo): In 2004 through 2009, Disney launched an action-oriented block called Jetix. This is one of their earliest attempts to appeal to the male demographic with the action genre before buying Marvel and Lucasfilm. Of course it wasn’t memorable as the Disney Afternoon, and didn’t last very long, given it approximately five years, but what it did was groundbreaking! And, yeah, I know that a lot of people hate Jetix, mostly because the shows weren’t well received by critics and audiences alike, and taking up a lot of Toon Disney’s programming. And more sadly, this was considered by many to be the absolute WORST Disney property of all time!

Malcolm: True that.

Heather: I dare someone to object!

Yinyangyofan24: Take a wild guess!

Nostalgia Critic (vo): Despite that, Jetix took risks and did what no other programming blocks would ever do: appearing every single day! I mean it, both mornings on ABC Family and primetime on Toon Disney! That is impressive! But, just like Toonami, I didn’t watch enough Jetix in order to understand how much it impacted its viewers. Hell, I was on a verge of graduating college a couple months after its debut. I only watched it for its reruns of Gargoyles, X-Men, and The Tick. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s one of those things I defend. It’s because it surprisingly had a lot of potential. Alongside airing every single day on two channels, that’s going balls all out, they have a reputation for keeping their lineups consistent, original shows with promise despite pissing critics and Disney fans off, and an agreeably cool mascot! But sadly, Jetix’s promising future was snuffed out by Disney due to poor business decisions. And that’s how Disney XD came to be.

Yinyangyofan24 (vo): Regardless, Jetix had EVERYTHING! It had bumpers, PSAs, games, a cool mascot, and an interactive TV card game!

(Everyone else except Yinyangyofan24 looked on in confusion.)

Yinyangyofan24: No, really. That actually happened!

Nostalgia Critic: How come I missed that?

Yinyangyofan24 (vo): And don't forget, the most kick-ass and...sadly the most overlooked shows on air! Despite the effort put in their material, Jetix’s lifespan is pretty short: lasting from Valentine’s Day 2004 to Friday the 13th 2009. That’s just one day before it can even have its fifth anniversary! Nevertheless, those who love Jetix continue to talk about it even to this day. Thankfully, it has gained quite a cult following around two decades ago. While there's only a few that can be viewed today, most of the shows sadly didn’t get a home video release, or even aired on TV anymore, not even for streaming. And most of them have already faded into obscurity, even though there are just a mere few many called them hidden gems.

Walter: (smacks Yinyangyofan24 on the head repeatedly with his hat.) Because…IT…IS…AWFUL!!!

Yinyangyofan24: Quit it! It’s not bad, just didn’t have enough momentum, that’s all.

Nostalgia Critic: And I still don’t know much about Jetix. I wonder if there is anyone who grew up with it so they can tell me what difference it made to so much.

Malcolm: Not me.

Tamara: Definitely not.

Walter: Drop dead.

Heather: Don’t ask.

Yinyangyofan24: That’s where I come in!

Nostalgia Critic: That’s great! You can tell us what kind of impact Jetix made to so much people. And we’ll follow along!

Yinyangyofan24: And please note that were not going to look at every single show on Jetix. If I missed something, please don’t attack us! We’re just keeping it short, fresh, and original as we can, both good and bad! So, no dubbed anime or reruns of older shows… (pics of Jackie Chan Adventures, Kong: The Animated Series, and Chaotic are shown) unless there are a couple I need to get off of my chest.

Nostalgia Critic: Don’t worry. We’re with you.

Yinyangyofan24: Thank you. And, keeping with the theme of the episode, I would like you to meet our special guest star…Jay! Yeah, that’s really his official name!

(The mascot, named Jay, of the Jetix logo, appears, being cheerful and greets everyone.)

Malcolm: (horrified as well as the other three with him) What the fuck is that?!

Tamara: It looks like an anime, cat-mouse thing, fused with the Mouse Trap marble.

(Jay, offended, morphs into a giant fist, punching Malcolm and Tamara.)

Malcolm: Ow!

Tamara: Oh, God! That hurt!

Yinyangyofan24: Now, now. Don’t insult Jay! He’s sensitive. (Jay winks) Is everyone ready?

Malcolm: (having enough) NOBODY SHOULD BE READY!!! (dramatic music plays again)

Nostalgia Critic: (groans) Christ! Would everybody just calm down?!?

Walter: No! We won’t calm down until you turn Jetix off, (readies his machete) or we'll turn you off!

Yinyangyofan24: Too late! I am recording this review with my laptop. When we get this wrapped up, we’re gonna show it to the world how wonderful Jetix is! They’ll understand!

Nostalgia Critic: You know, have you ever heard that if you don’t like what’s on TV, then don’t watch it!

Malcolm: What are you saying?

Nostalgia Critic: If you don’t want to watch Jetix, then piss off! Don’t even complain about it!

Heather: Fine. But we’re still not happy over what you did.

Malcolm: Your days are still numbered!

Yinyangyofan24: Jay. Can you please show the guests the door?

Walter: No. We’ll go out ourselves.

(In just about a cut, the four are in the hallway after they closed the living room door.)

Walter: That ended poorly.

Tamara: We’ve got to stop them from watching that horrible channel.

Heather: Then we must do something about it!

Malcolm: Anyone got ideas for a crazy-ass approach?

(We cut back to the living room.)

Nostalgia Critic: So much for them. Okay, Yinyangyofan24. It’s just you and me now. You can help me get through Jetix without anyone giving us static.

Yinyangyofan24: That is wonderful! Peace and quiet at last! Now, let’s begin…without any “interlopers” trying to get in our way---

(The Angry Video Game Nerd then appears on the laptop’s monitor.)

Angry Video Game Nerd: What’s up, motherfuckers?

Nostalgia Critic: Damn it! Not you too, Nerd!

Yinyangyofan24: Let me guess, you hate Jetix too?

Angry Video Game Nerd: Do I? I more than hate it, I forsaken it, just as how much God forbids sin! Avoid Jetix like the plague! Jetix is LJN compared to Pixar!

Yinyangyofan24: Too bad! I'm giving it the best shot it ever has! And I'm not going to waste it!

Angry Video Game Nerd: You want to succumb to this bullshit? I'm not gonna leave you alone until you change the fucking channel, you moronic millennial!

Yinyangyofan24: Why don't you beat it! I've wasted too much time already! Go play with your...Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or something!

(He then hacks into the Nerd's computer and infecting it with porn.)

Angry Video Game Nerd: Ugh! You dirty rotten bastard! You've really crossed the line now! (groans) Well, go fig!

Nostalgia Critic: Alright, NOW is everybody out of the way?!

Yinyangyofan24: (cooling off) Yes they are! Now we can finally get it off the ground. (gleefully) THIS IS JETIX! (imitates an electric guitar)

Nostalgia Critic: Your sudden change in emotion scares me.

(The World of Jetix theme songs starts playing.)

Yinyangyofan24: (with Ash Williams’ voice) YEAH, BABY!

Nostalgia Critic: Really necessary?

Singers: The world of Jetix belongs to you! (We're going to the world of Jetix, world of Jetix!)

(Yinyangyofan24 is rocking out like a maniac while the theme plays. He then drags the Critic to join him.)

Yinyangyofan24: Come on, come on!

Nostalgia Critic: Yeow!

(They do so while the song keeps playing.)

Singers: The World of Jetix, a magic adventure, to somewhere new. Together we fight all the forces of evil! All heroes unite! It's time to stand up for what is right!

Nostalgia Critic: That sounds dated but okay!

Yinyangyofan24: Not really! Keep going!

(They continue to rock out as the theme keeps playing, as well as make weird impressions.)

Singers: We learn what it takes today, the speed and the power to go our way! You are a part of the team now, you are ready to go, on an adventure to save the world! Fly with me, (We are going to the world of Jetix!) Fly with me. (Come on, come on, come on!) The world of Jetix, belongs to you. (It belongs to you!) The world of Jetix, a magic adventure to somewhere new. (To somewhere new!) The world of Jetix, belongs to you. Welcome to the world of---

(The theme song finishes playing.)

Yinyangyofan24 and Nostalgia Critic: JETIX!!!

Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!
Yinyangyofan24: Now, with that out of the system, let's review Jetix's first original installment: Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!

Nostalgia Critic: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Could you slow down a bit? I didn't catch that long title.

Yinyangyofan24 (clearly and slowly): Super...Robot...Monkey...Team...Hyper...Force...Go!

Nostalgia Critic (confused): Could you put that in English?

Yinyangyofan24: Super Robot Monkey Team---(gives up) just show it!

(Title card of Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go! and music play.)

Power Rangers (Disney-Era)
Yinyangyofan24 (vo): I'll be honest: if there was ONE thing I could agree with the Jetix haters on, it would be that the ONLY reason worth watching this program was for Power Rangers.

Mystic Force
(Title card and theme song play.)

Yinyangyofan24: Of all of the Power Rangers seasons produced by Disney, Mystic Force was so far my favorite.