Rant On...Norm of the North

Rant On... Norm of the North is the third episode of Rant On directed by Seth MacFarlane.

Premise
Mike makes Joey, Brad, Timmy, and Ricky review a movie that has a polar bear which people hate. You all know who it is right? Yep, it’s Norm of the North released in 2016.

Characters

 * Mike
 * Joey
 * Timmy
 * Ricky
 * Brad
 * Mike’s Mom
 * Norm of the North Characters (archive recordings)
 * Charlie the Dog (debut)

Transcript

 * Mike (voice-over): Why do we live in a world where a talking polar bear is possible. And he exists in this world. Which people hate. And he has 3 sequels. Let me show you a flashback.
 * Flashback to 2 hours ago.
 * Joey: Alright Mike, what do you have for us now? It better not be a violent or cringy movie.
 * Mike: Don’t worry. It’s not violent or cringy.
 * Joey: Phew!
 * Mike: But there is some cringy scenes, be warned.
 * Brad: meh
 * Ricky: I’m ready for this! I was born ready!
 * Mike: The Movie is called “Norm of the North”.
 * Timmy: What’s the movie about?
 * Mike: The Movie is about a polar bear named Norm (Rob Schneider) the polar bear doesn't know how to hunt, but he does possess the unique ability to talk to humans. When the wealthy Mr. Greene (Ken Jeong) unveils his idea to build luxury condos in the Arctic, Norm realizes that his beloved home is in jeopardy. Accompanied by three mischievous lemmings, Norm stows away on a ship to New York. Once there, he meets a surprising ally (Maya Kay) who helps him hatch a scheme to sabotage the shady developer's plans.
 * Joey: Are the lemmings voiced by Pierre Coffin?
 * Mike: What, no! He wouldn’t even star in a film like this except if it was Despicable Me-Related or an Illumination project!
 * Joey: I was just curious, jeez.
 * Mike: Ok, let’s show you the movie, Norm the polar bear is the son of the King of the Arctic. In his youth, he discovers that he has the ability to speak to humans-
 * Timmy: What is cartoon logic anymore?
 * Mike: Let’s continue, a trait shared only by his grandfather. Because of this, he is made an outcast from the other animals, only being accepted by Socrates, a wise seagull, and Elizabeth, a female polar bear whom Norm is in love with. Years later, Norm's grandfather has disappeared and human tourists are filling the Arctic. Socrates shows Norm and three Artic lemmings a luxury condo that has been installed on the ice. Inside this condo is Vera, a representative for wealthy developer Mr. Greene. After Norm saves Vera from an avalanche, Mr. Greene tells her to find an actor to play a polar bear for their campaign. Socrates convinces Norm and the lemmings to stow away on a ship to New York City. In the city, Norm, pretending to be an actor dressed as a bear and auditions for the role.
 * Brad: What happens next in this lazy-clown poopy scene.
 * Mike: Well in this scene, we see the lemmings peeing-
 * Lemmings: *peeing*
 * Everybody then looks in shock.
 * Joey: This is pretty surprising for a kids movie.
 * Mike: Timmy, get the bleach.
 * Timmy: Yes sir.
 * Brad: I am saying “meh”, in my head, but my mouth is saying “my eyes need to be bleached”.
 * Ricky: OH POOP, WHY?!
 * 3 minutes later...
 * Mike: Yeesh. So glad that’s over.
 * Joey: Yeah. I didn’t even expect to see potty humor in a kids film.
 * Ricky: Duh, it’s rated PG, what do you expect?
 * Mike: Whatever let’s continue, During a public incident involving Greene trying to shoot Norm with a transquiziller gun in the restaurant, Norm subdues Greene, gaining the attention of the media and heightening Greene's approval ratings. Greene decides to hire Norm as his mascot.
 * Ricky: Even after what Mr. Greene did to him, Norm forgives him?
 * Timmy: There’s something called “LOGIC” you know.
 * Mike: Just stop it please. Continue, Before going on a television show, Norm meets Vera's daughter Olympia, who tells Norm to raise Greene's approval ratings and then speak out against him to save the Arctic. Norm's popularity heightens the approval ratings, but Greene sabotages Norm's plan by playing recorded dialogue stating that Norm supports Greene's developments. Defeated, Norm is comforted by Vera and Olympia, who reveals that Greene is developing more homes to install in the Arctic. Norm and the lemmings discover that Greene is bribing a high-ranking member of the Polar Council, and exposes this to Pablo, one of Greene's investors. Vera resigns her position and is hired by Pablo, while Norm and the lemmings chase the truck holding the houses.
 * Ricky: Not gonna lie, those dance moves were kinda slick. Not to mention the farting and stuff.
 * Mike: Stop it-
 * Mike’s Mom: Anyone want some pie?
 * Timmy: Thanks Mike’s Mom!
 * After eating the pie.
 * Mike: That was delicious!
 * Mike: Now that our little tummies are full, lets finish the episode, okay?
 * All: Okay!
 * Mike: Ok, Greene sends another truck carrying Norm's grandfather, and Norm is captured as well. After being freed by the lemmings, Norm and his grandfather get to the boat carrying the houses to the Arctic, and they are able to detach the houses. However, Norm is separated from his grandfather. Norm awakens in the Arctic and is reunited with the lemmings and the other animals. Because of his heroism, Norm is crowned the King of the Arctic, but not before his grandfather arrives. Meanwhile, Mr. Greene is humiliated after his plan is exposed, and Vera and Olympia are happy with Pablo as their new boss, while Norm and Elizabeth have three cubs together.
 * Mike: The End!
 * All: poopêd
 * Brad: Well, you didn’t ACTUALLY like it did you?
 * All: Nope.
 * Brad: Well i lik-
 * Timmy: NOPE!
 * Brad: Ugh fine.
 * Joey: Hey Mike, isn’t that you're dog peeing with a skunk-
 * All: *silence*
 * Mike: Timmy, get some more bleach.
 * Timmy: Yes sir.
 * Joey: WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
 * Brad: ears covered.
 * Ricky (sarcastically): Oh yeah, this is TOTALLY fine.
 * Flashback to right now.
 * Mike: And that is exactly why i got my eyes bleached two times. Three lemmings peeing in a fish tank, and my dog peeing in the grass. Whatever, i’m gonna contact my friends on a zoom call to tell them how the movie felt for them.

Review Time!

 * Mike: Hey guys! How was the-
 * All: NOPE! 2/10.
 * Mike: Woah, that was pretty fas-
 * All: Gotta go, bye!

Ending

 * Mike: Jeez, it looked like they were in a hurry. But they sure did hated the film.
 * Mike: I forgot! I need to go shower now!
 * Mike then runs into the bathroom to see his dog Charlie peeing in the sink.
 * Charlie: Woof!
 * Mike’s Mind: Now i’m gonna have to bleach my eyes, not one, not two, not three, but ten times.