The Trial of Conner VS Isiah!

The Trial of Conner VS Isiah! is the twelfth and final episode of Season 3 and the thirty-ninth and final episode overall of The Conner Show! This episode was aired with the rest of Season 3 on October 12, 2029.

Cast
Ted Sarandos as Himself

Conner Hawkins as Himself

Isiah Hamm as Himself

Keegan-Michael Key as Shy Guy

Tom Kenny as Judge Kirby

Gracee Hadley as Herself

Keanu Reeves as Dark Conner

Alexis Hamm as Herself

Ben Schwartz as Tony

Lizzy Greene as Dream

Johnny Depp as Alexander

TBA

Conner VS Shy Guy: Who can grow the largest face?
Conner stays up late in a lab mixing chemicals to create a serum. He then drinks it, which makes his face grow a tad larger. He laughs as he shows it off, but he severely underestimates Shy Guy, who hovers into the air as he proclaims "I'm-a-bet you can't do this!" Everyone screams as Shy Guy's face inflates to sizes never seen before, and it starts consuming the entire world, with everyone panicking and getting absorbed by it. As Nolan and Dark Tony watch from the roof of Nolan's Airship, Dark Tony logs out to save themselves, leaving Nolan to gasp in shock before the airship gets absorbed. By the time Shy Guy is done, the entire world is now inside his face.

Gracee VS Pete: Who can listen to Alexander's life story without cringing the longest?
Gracee and Pete sit down at desks as Alexander begins. He faces Pete and whispers that it all started when he got his talent, but Pete cannot take it and begins flying around the room while screaming that his heart has stopped before he self-implodes. Alexander comments that it is just him and Gracee now, and continues blabbing on and on. After two hundred eighty-seven hours, Alexander finishes his story and thanks Gracee for listening before he leaves the room. However, Gracee had really put fake eyes on and slept through the entire challenge, and quickly wakes up shortly after.

Conner VS Shy Guy: Who can beat Kirby in a Dream Buffet-styled race?
Shy Guy and Kirby are lined up in the garden outside the courthouse, which has been littered with various food. Shy Guy starts singing that he is going to kick Kirby's buttocks, but Kirby menacingly replies "Thirty-nine buried, zero found." The race starts, and both contestants blast off while sucking down massive heaps of foods. Kirby inhales several full dishes while Shy Guy chokes trying to swallow a whole watermelon, but he manages to catch up by throwing a lemon into Kirby's mouth, slowing him down. Kirby gets his own back, however, slamming Shy Guy aside so that he falls off a cliff. When the race ends, Shy Guy and Kirby are both put on scales, now extremely fat, but are both tied at 7.4 million pounds. However, Shy Guy eats his clothes, which increases his weight by a billionth of a pound and puts him in first.

Kirby does not appreciate Shy Guy cheating, however, and inhales and eats Shy Guy. This sets Shy Guy's score to 0 pounds and Kirby's to 14.80001 pounds. He celebrates before turning to Conner, who was watching the whole thing. Conner knows he has no chance and simply runs away, jumping off the same cliff Kirby knocked Shy Guy into.

Gavin VS Nolan: Who can build the best ship?
Nolan immediately gets to work, and manages to build an identical copy of his airship by hammering together random pieces of furniture, a burger, Dark Tony, a dolphin and Steve. Gavin is not intimidated by this, however, and comments that it is time to get serious before he whips out a laptop and begins researching various topics. Gavin concludes that he has an announcement: the best ship is him and Nolan's Mom! This Yo Momma joke is powerful enough to KO Nolan, and Gavin wins the challenge.

Conner VS Shy Guy: Who can respect PPLS opinions on Reddit?
Mario and SMG4 are sent to a dark room, and a TV blinks on which starts going through cringe Reddit posts.

"Wearing her panties rn I miss her so much"

Shy Guy and Conner barely hold themselves together, with the former commenting that it is very "opinion" while Shy Guy admits that it is okay.

"feeding time for princess again!! i rlly just love watching her get bigger from my blood \(//V//)\

Once again, the two barely keep themselves together, and the two scream but manage to find compliments, admitting that the pet exists and therefore is alright.

"fun fact: my cousin killed 3 people but also he's really hot Lmao"

Conner's whole body literally crumples. Shy Guy can't take it either and snaps his own neck, leaving the result as a tie.

Roxanne VS Janelyz: Who can get more dudes?
Roxanne and Janelyz do funny dances in hopes of attracting people. Nobody comes.

Conner VS Isiah: Who can commit the most copyright infringement?
Conner is in the middle of the courtroom, surrounded by RMKP and Isiahs' Ninjas. He cheers that he won, but this changes to a scream as he gets beaten up.

Mario VS Shy Guy: Who can make the most money on Reddit?
A montage of Shy Guy shows him uploading all sorts of content on Reddit, waving his buttocks to the camera, dancing around in only fans and making a video where dolls of him and Peach make out. However, Mario posts a single picture of a foot and gets showered in cash.

Dark Conner VS Tony: Who can be the least funny?
Dark Conner and Tony are placed on stage in front of a crowd. Dark Conner is cross that he is here, and declares that he will prove he is still funny. He takes out a dead meme, but everyone in the crowd groans over how cringe it is, which hurts his feelings. Tony, on the other hand, is stalling as he is unable to come up with a joke, and is simply mumbling random stuff. However, the entire crowd bursts out laughing at him. Dark Conner wins, but he is clearly upset that nobody finds him funny and storms off stage to sulk.

Aubrey VS Shy Guy: Who can win in a skateboard contest?
Aubrey goes first, and performs a 180 Indy Grab + Manuel + Ollie + Rail Grind + Spicy Air Time + Zinger Chicken Bucket Relaxo Fantstico Supreme before she rides back up a ramp and onto the starting area, her final score being 554,170. Aubrey challenges Shy Guy to do better, and he gladly accepts. Shy Guy gets on his board and slowly rolls down the ramp at a starting speed, but then activates two rocket boosters that he placed on the back of his board to blast off into the atmosphere. As he comes back down, Shy Guy performs a SPEEEEEEEEEN + DERPUS MALURPUS + AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH which causes him to gain one quintillion (nineteen zeros) points. However, Shy Guy does not stick the landing, and crashes into the ground with an explosion. Because of this, Shy Guy loses the points gained from his tricks, leaving his final score with IMBECILE.

Conner VS Shy Guy: Who can go the longest without doing a meme?
Shy Guy and Conner are at a table in a restaurant. Conner comments that the challenge is so dumb, and Shy Guy agrees but has to stop himself from saying "I want to die". Conner mocks Shy Guy, but he has to stop himself from saying "In tuckdown!" The two know that will be tough, as both of them have done memes together for over a decade, and the two stare down. Shy Guy asks Conner what nine plus ten is, and he just manages to restrain himself from saying twenty-one. He retaliates by asking Shy Guy if he wants some ice cream, and the imbecile stops himself from asking if he needs a spoonful of sugar. He growls at Conner to shut up and jams his fork into his hand, but Conner just resists a scream.

However, things get spicy when a Red Crewmate arrives to take their order. Both resist the urge to say a meme, and Shy Guy nearly says "Among Us burger" instead of fungus burger. However, Conner slips up by ordering "fries with tomato sus" instead of tomato sauce. Shy Guy laughs at Conner for losing as he rolls around crying, and the Crewmate has no idea what is going on.

Alexis VS Shy Guy: Who can finish an entire school term's worth of homework first?
Alexis is declared the winner right away, and none of Shy Guy's friends believe he can do it. Determined to prove them wrong, he opens the page, and his brain becomes smooth. His head immediately catches fire as well.

Conner VS Alexander: Who can get away with pirating a Nintendo game?
Alexander is able to download Super Mario Bros. (or Super Jario Toes to avoid the Nintendo ninjas). Conner openly admits to pirating 2 thousand games, and when his computer is shot down, he claims to have 70 more. He himself is then shot and later imprisoned for life.

Mario VS Shy Guy: Who can do a better self-portrait?
Tony praises Mario's picture (his 8-bit model) and dismisses Shy Guy's realistic self-portrait aka Conner's Halloween costume in 2021 and 2022.

Aubrey VS Alexander: Who can beat Senator Armstrong in a fight?
None of Aubrey's hits affect Armstrong, who promptly squishes Aubrey with his bare hands. Alexander is the one to take him down by redditing that he has a small pp.

Gracee VS Dream: Who can find the One Piece first?
Despite initially being taken away by a bird, Gracee and Dream find a team consisting of Alexander, Julia, Alexis, Janelyz, Aubrey, and Roxanne. Everyone but Dream is dead 145,229 episodes later, and the One Piece DVD still is not found.

Alexis VS Shy Guy: Who can last the longest learning about Kirby lore without their brain having a nuclear meltdown?
The lesson starts off easy but get more confusing and convoluted as Kirby goes in depth about things like the ancients, Void Termina, and Nova. Sora walks in late, and his head promptly explodes. Alexis has been reduced to a skeleton while Shy Guy's head deflates after both have their brain had a nuclear meltdown.

Conner VS Alexander: Who can anger Reddit more?
Alexander takes this opportunity to insult Conner, to the crowd's delight. When Conner resolves to try to make the audience happy, he falls flat with one of his “well known” memes. Conner is chased all the way to Abbington, and having lost the angry mob, dances like the meme. The mob finds and drops a bomb on him.

Gracee VS Dark Tony: Who can survive being with an identical clone of themselves the longest?
Gracee and her clone fight over the bed, while Dark Tony and his clone bond while drinking coffee.

Janelyz VS Shy Guy: Who can win in a mushroom eating contest?
Shy Guy starts eating right away. Janelyz is understandably unnerved, but when she takes a bite, she finds that they taste good, and proceeds to eat like Shy Guy, to the horror of a nearby Toad.

Roxanne VS Tony: Who can drink the expired juice faster?
Tony isn't sure about drinking the juice, while Roxanne chugs it down, somehow surviving. Seeing that Tony hasn't drank his juice, she drinks that, too, and dies.

Conner VS Shy Guy: Who can convince Valve to add a major update to Team Fortress 2?
Conner attempts to persuade Gabe Newell by using a sad Heavy baby to make his point. Shy Guy's attempt to persuade with a baseball bat does not work, and Newell adds an update: a new hat, much to Conner's frustration.

TBA

Rap Battle (The Only Song in this Episode: Objection!)
Alright! Let's do this! Here's my case!

You claim my clients are a vicious race

Your Honor, you'll find they're not so insidious

But just a group of lovable idiots!

Hold it! Don't give me your lecture

Your argument here is pure conjecture

The defendants are vile and no doubt insane

They're small leeches who'll bring a world of pain

No, that's wrong! We fulfill dreams!

We bring a smile with the magic of memes

It's all about love with our wholesome show

Where you can be assaulted by the Teletubby Po

OK, sometimes we break the law

but that’s an insignificant little flaw

Our mission is to laugh, enjoy, and inspire

Just ignore the things that we set on fire

Heh, this is the end, it seems

cause your team's flimsy schemes are through!

Your antics are too extreme!

OBJECTION!

Violence, separation

Non-negotiation

Is this segregation

Peace for our nation?

You guys bring peace? Don't give me that crock!

Sure, you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?

Our only crimes?

We saved the earth a buncha times

From

Eldritch incantations

Greedy expectations

Hate, love, and rejection

Ohhh~- OBJECTION!

Don’t get happy, you haven’t won yet

I haven’t even broken a sweat

You’ll be banned, just as planned!

WITNESSES, TO THE STAND!

You make us look so stupid and dense

None of what we do makes any sense

So what? It’s about having tonnes of fun!

Your neutral special can be a gun!

Bro, your videos aren’t even funny

I bet you’re doing this all for the money

Shut up! No one asked for your opinion

L + Ratio + you look like a minion!

I'm sorry but I got a confession

All your episodes always give me depression

It's okay! We may woe!

But we develop love and grow!

Ugh, can you guys please stop persisting?

It’s hard enough already existing

Alright you've heard their plea

They’re innocent!

So if you please, let them all go free!

OBJECTION!

Time to stop this persistent sinning

I’ve been winning from the very beginning

It's no use with your whinging and cringing

cause the use of Shy Guy is copyright infringing!

NO!! PLEASE, I DON'T WANNA BE EXILED!

I WAS JUST A NAIVE STUPID LITTLE CHILD!

Oh sir, you deserve this mockery

Can't be original or high quality

Here, we sentence you

for robbery of our intellectual property!

Objection!

Halt with your elation

and your litigations

Parody citation

Refutes these actions

Fair use states a parody of a style

Can hold water within a courtroom trial!

Our Shy Guy's all silly and dull

IP robbery is therefore null!

Stupid imitaions

Fun exaggerations

Proving their protection

Ohh~- OBJECTION!

Whatcha gonna do? I’m not your hero

I’m just an imbecile with a IQ of zero!

THERE’S NO

ESCAPE, YOU

DUMB APE!!

Wait, no!

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY AGREE!

These three don't even have a degree!

Whoops, sorry

Time's up, ya clown!

It's time for the judge to hand a verdict down!

I gotta thank you all! Now I clearly see

I, Judge Kirby hereby decree

That I find the defendants to be

NOT GUILTY!!

Gallery
The Trial of Conner VS Isiah!/Gallery

Transcript
The Trial of Conner VS Isiah!/Transcript