Who Kidnapped Roger Rabbit?/Transcript

= Fiction/Transcript =

1. Opening/Hollywood

 * Disney Logo.
 * [Sunlight flashes at the camera.]
 * [We look down from the air at the Pacific Ocean.]
 * Disney presents
 * [We zoom across it until we see California. We zoom in to a place called Hollywood. The place is populated by humans and cartoon characters. There's Chip 'n Dale, Dumbo, Pinocchio, and other characters you're familiar with.]
 * [Tigger bounces on the sidewalks, Kermit the Frog says hi to his neighbors, Fozzie Bear rides his bicycle delivering newspapers, and Dumbo flies over the buildings.]
 * Fiction
 * [Montage of humans and toons in Hollywood.]
 * [Two human thugs are running with a bag of nuts. Chip n' Dale drop bricks on their heads, causing the thugs to topple over. We zoom in to bricks.]
 * Danny McBride
 * [In Toontown, toon monster trucks charge at each other as humans and toons spectators look away in anticipation. BAM!! The trucks make a crash, causing their tires to fall off.]
 * Jonah Hill as Jonas Fiction
 * Michael Cera as Joseph Fiction
 * James Franco as Johnson Fiction
 * [In a city made in CGI, Rocket Racoon throws a bag of popcorn in the air and shoots it with his blaster, causing the bag to explode and popped kernels fly everywhere.]
 * Isla Fischer as Helga Krupnick
 * [The credits cut to random locations in Los Angeles.]
 * David Koechner
 * Casting by Tristan Craft, Seth Rogen
 * Edited by Brian Olds, Fabienne Rawley
 * Songs by Phil Collins
 * Music by Alan Silvestri
 * Story by Tristan Craft, Bryan Howard, Rick Calabash
 * Screenplay by Tristan Craft, Jeffrey Price, Peter S. Seaman, Roberts Gannaway
 * Executive Producers Tristan Craft, David Steinberg, Frank Marshall
 * Co-producer Robert Iger
 * Produced by David Kirschner, David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman
 * Directed by Robert Zemeckis, Akiva Schaffer
 * [May 19 2022, entrance of Maroon Studios]
 * [Benny the Cab, with Roger Rabbit, drives into a movie studio lot titled "Maroon Studios". Benny passes by some cars, people, and toons.]
 * Roger Rabbit: Whee!
 * Benny the Cab: Hang on tight, Roger! We're going in!
 * Roger: Ride 'em! Giddyap, Benny!
 * Benny: Hey, Lady, get the HONK! outta the way! [A woman shrieks in terror.]
 * Roger: Pardon me, ma'am!
 * [A group of people are putting up a tower made of cards. They are happy with it and a toon photographer takes a picture of it.]
 * Photographer: Smile. [The photo is taken, then Benny passes by the tire tower, startling them.]
 * Benny: Nice tower, boys!
 * Roger: Don't mind us!
 * [An old man toon is about to cross the road but is stopped by Benny, who drives past him.]
 * Benny: One side, Jenkins!
 * Roger: Sorry!
 * Old Man: Dang kids!
 * [Jonas, Joseph, and Johnson (three toons) wait outside of Stage 10 when Benny arrives next to them.]
 * Benny: Your rabbit is here, boys.
 * Jonas Fiction: Thanks, Benny. [Jonas and his brothers take Roger inside.]
 * Roger: Oh boy, I'm dying to see it. It makes me think all of shorts with me and Baby Herman. [While Roger is still talking, Lightning McQueen and Mater drive up next to Benny.]
 * Lightning: Hey, Benny. What's up?
 * Benny: Lightning McQueen and Mater. They're filming History of Fiction.
 * Mater: I'm sure that film will be fu-un.
 * [In the studio building, everyone is getting the movie ready. Roger runs and sits in a chair to see the film.]
 * Roger: I can't wait to see this.
 * Script Supervisor: (To Jonas, Joseph, and Johnson) Alright, boys. You all rehearsed and ready?
 * Jonas, Joseph, Johnson: We're ready.
 * Script Supervisor: (To director) They're ready!
 * Director: Okay. Ahem. (Through megaphone) Places, everyone! Quiet on the set! History of Fiction is about to begin! (Normal Volume to Walter Marcus, with red vest and bow tie, next to him) And for the three words. (Through megaphone) Lights! Camera!
 * Cameraman: Speed!
 * Assistant Cameraman: (Claps the clapperboard) Marker!
 * Director: And action!

2. History of Fiction/Accident on Stage

 * [Movie starts with words, History of Fiction, and a fanfare. An artist paints a picture of Felix the Cat on an easel in a living room.]
 * Robert Art: (Looks at Camera) Oh hi. I didn't see you guys there. I'm Robert Art.
 * Jonas, Joseph, and Johnson: Hi, Robert!
 * Robert Art: Huh? Oh, boys. You're just in time for the History of Fiction.
 * Jonas: Oh please, tell us.
 * Joseph: I want to hear it so bad.
 * Johnson: Tell us now.
 * Robert Art: Oh-ho kay. Sit down. [The three brothers sit down.] Back in 1906, [Screen fades to 1906, black and white] J. Stuart Blackton created and released Humorous Phases with Funny Faces. [Blackton draws an old man on a chalkboard.] That was the day cartoons came to life. [The old man drawing looks at Blackton and winks, surprising him.] Literally.
 * [Cuts to 1926]
 * Robert Art: (Offscreen) Later, Walt Disney, the founder of Disney Studios, came up a design for his toon after Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. [Walt thinks as he draws.] He made this guy short-statured and gave him simplistic clothing: red shorts and yellow shoes, white gloves, four fingers instead of five on each hand, a high voice, sliced pies for eyes and three circles for the head, two small ones for the ears. [1926 Mickey Mouse comes to life and dances, much to Walt's surprise.] And what do we get?
 * Jonas, Joseph, and Johnson: (Offscreen) Mickey Mouse.
 * Robert Art: (Offscreen) That's right. Mickey Mouse. There's also Minnie Mouse. [The story goes as Robert tells it.] Since the Golden Age, many toons like Bugs Bunny, Woody Woodpecker, Betty Boop, and Tinkerbell were born. In the 1950's, we then used computers to create patterns and animation cels called CGI, Computer-Generated Imagery. CGI was used for 3D animations and the first film with all CGI was Toy Story. Some of the 2D toons went into CGI surgery, and some CGI toons jumped from a screen when they come to life. That is when CG City was created. The animation got more realistic and detailed as the years passed.
 * Joseph: (Offscreen) What did we do while not filming?
 * Robert Art: (Offscreen) For the toons themselves, they didn't have any jobs except entertain the audience; The ones who weren't actors were treated like second-class citizens. The discrimination was all because of the most hated toon Baron Von Rotten, aka Judge Doom. In 1947, Doom became the victim of his own creation, the DIP. Marvin Acme's will made Toontown property of the toons themselves. In 1982, they officially get real jobs. In 1988, Toontown and CG City were at war until 1991, when Eddie Valiant's daughter Leslie Valiant brought the animations together. All man, woman, and toon lived together in harmony, no matter the size, or color, we are all equal. [Screen dissolves back to the room.] And that is the History of Fiction.
 * Director: (Through megaphone) And cut! Good job, everyone, that's a wrap!
 * Roger: What a great story! What genius! What timing! What style! Walter Marcus! (Shakes hands with Walter) That was amazing. And your writing was impeccable.
 * Walter Marcus: And how. Too bad Oswald's not here.
 * Johnson: Yeah, if he was smart enough to take his role on the script, then he wouldn't have missed it. Such a stupid rabbit, am I right? [Jonas and Joseph glare at him.] What?
 * Jessica Rabbit: Walter, there's someone who wants to meet you tonight at Harper's. (Hands Walter a card)
 * Walter: Helga Krupnick?
 * Roger: She's crazy about you. She has a passion for singing and dancing. She even likes improv, do you like improv?
 * Walter: (Puts card in his pocket) No. And I do not plan on improvising.
 * Roger: Well, I'm sure you'll soften up. There's always a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. You just have to laugh a little, have some humor! [Roger slides on a banana peel around the stage. He crashes through some producers and toons, including Mickey(who spins after being hit, including his ears) then towards the fake living room. After Jonas, Joseph, and Johnson leap out of his way, WHAM!, Roger causes the movie set to fall apart.]
 * Supervisor: No, the stage! [A spotlight falls from the ceiling, making Walter cringe. Roger pops out from the messed up set and walks dizzily with stars around his head.]
 * Roger: Hey look. There's stars around my head.
 * Supervisor: ROGER! [Roger snaps out of it.] You've ruined the whole set! I've had it with your recklessness!
 * Walter: It wasn't his fault, this banana peel wasn't here when the film ended.
 * Supervisor: This doesn't concern you, Marcus. (To Roger) You! Are! FIRED! [As the supervisor walks away in anger, Roger clings to his ankles, causing himself to be dragged.]
 * Roger: P-p-p-p-please! Don't send me out! (Bursts into tears) Acting, singing, and dancing is my only dream since I was little bunny!
 * Cedric the Sorcerer: (To Supervisor) Ahem. There will be no firing in here today. All it needs is a little magic. Watch this. (Waves his wand) Crumble, bungle full of fun, fix the damage that was done! [The fake living room set magically returns to its original position before Roger destroyed it.]
 * Supervisor: Well. (Yanks his ankles out of Roger's grip) I forgot you were here, Cedric.
 * Cedric: Should I make this peel disappear?
 * Supervisor: No, just keep it. It makes people laugh.
 * Roger: (Gulp) Am I fired?
 * Supervisor: Nah. We would never fire you. [Roger's anxiety fades and Jonas smiles.] But be careful next time! (Walks out angrily)
 * Walter: Must have seen too much memes on the internet.
 * Robert: Don't mind him. He was just hamming it up.
 * Roger: I knew that.
 * Jessica: By the way, there's carrot cake waiting for us in the café. Shall we go, Honey Bunny?
 * Roger: We certainly shall, love-cup. [The two lovebirds hold hands and walk out of the stage. Jonas stares at them with heart-shaped eyes.]
 * Jonas: (To Walter) Ahh... Aren't they lovely?
 * Walter: (Nods) Uh-huh. [Walter examines the banana peel for a second then shrugs and tosses it on the floor.]
 * Script Supervisor: Mr. Marcus, you're needed on the set. We've got 6 scenes of Wild Mongers to go. [He hands him his script.]
 * Robert: (To Walter) Break a leg.
 * Johnson: Ain't Jessica beautiful?
 * Joseph: Yeah.
 * Johnson: I going to date with her. [Enraged by it, Jonas slaps Johnson in the cheek.]
 * Jonas: Knock it off, Johnson. She's not yours.
 * Johnson: What? Wooing women is what I do best.
 * Jonas: Well, you can't just be smitten for a lady with hot looks without fully knowing them.
 * Johnson: I don't know why men limit themselves to one lady. There's plenty of ladies out there.
 * Jonas: (Offscreen) Because I believe in feminism. I'm a feminist. You gotta have chivalry or women won't like you.
 * Walter: (Deadpan) Pfft. Comic reliefs. [Walter smokes on his e-cigarette, then gets ready for his role.]

3. Wild Mongers/Riding to Harper's

 * [Time skip, fade to 4:45 pm]
 * [The last scene is all set; Walter, dressed as a white cowboy on a horse, next to an actress, dressed as a western citizen.]
 * Director: (Through megaphone) Okay, people! This is the last scene and it's almost after sunset!
 * Cameraman: Speed!
 * Assistant Cameraman: (Claps the clapperboard) Marker!
 * Director: And action!
 * [Outside of the saloons, Sheriff Tuff (Walter) is about to run off into the sunset with Lucky Rocks Ann (The actress) next to him.]
 * Lucky Rocks Ann: Are you sure you must go? We could use a sheriff in our town.
 * Tuff: Don't 'ya worry, you'll always have a sheriff in town. If you need any help, just call me. I'll be back again someday. So long, Lucky Rocks Ann. [Lucky sheds a tear for her goodbye]
 * Lucky Rocks Ann: So long, Sheriff Tuff!
 * Tuff: Heigh-ho, Silver! Away! [Tuff's horse runs off into the sunset. Words "THE END" appear on the screen.]
 * Director: (Through megaphone) And cut! That's a wrap, folks! [Walter dismounts his horse and stretches.]
 * Walter: Ooh yeah. That feels good.
 * Director: (Normal Volume) That was great performance, Marcus. And writing.
 * Walter: Yep. (Blows his fist and rubs his chest) I loved it.
 * Monkey Joe: Hi! That was epic. But you can always show improv. Pizzazz.
 * Walter: Who are you?
 * Monkey Joe: It's me, Monkey Joe, remember? I got CGI surgery.
 * Walter: Hmmm... I didn't know, I don't care.
 * Monkey Joe: Why the long face?
 * Director: Joe, stop it. He's not in the mood.
 * Monkey Joe: (To Walter) My uncle Bongo had a long face. [He sprays his water flower in the human actor's face, soaking him wet. He wears an annoyed expression and wipes his face off.] What's the matter? Did you look blue? [The agitated Walter grabs Joe by the neck and holds him face to face.]
 * Walter: (Sternly) Get this straight, you big ape. I. Don't. Do! COMEDY! [He slams Joe on the ground. He slides in front of Director. The former shake his head from dizziness.]
 * Monkey Joe: It was just a joke. What's eating him?
 * Director: A comedian killed Ro-Bert, his best friend. Crushed him with a safe. [Monkey Joe makes a sad face for Walter's loss.]
 * Walter: If you'll excuse me, I need to go to dinner. I have someone nice "waiting" for me. [He changes into his normal clothes and exits Stage 10.] (Sighs) Why do I even put up with this beeswax? [Outside the entrance, Benny parks in front of Walter.]
 * Benny: So, where to, Mac? In-N-Out Burger, Carson Kitchen, Brown Derby? Anywhere! You name it! [Walter walks off.]
 * Walter: No thanks. I'm taking a bus to Harper's.
 * Benny: Okay, maybe next time. But remember, if you need my help just stick out your thumb. See you at the premiere! [He starts driving crazy around the studio lot.]
 * Walter: Comedians. They're too messy and chaotic. [He continues his walk and looks at the toons in the studio lot. First he sees two toons between stages 10 and 9. They shake hands and one of the toons is electrocuted by a hand buzzer. He falls flat on the floor dazed.]
 * Toon #1: Kinda shocking, ain't it. [A rimshot plays and he laughs. Walter gives an exasperated sigh and walks away.]
 * Walter: And stupid. And way over the top. Oh! [He bumps into a blue-skinned Shirley Temple, which is Genie in disguise.] Sorry, little girl. (Stands back up) I didn't see... Wait, you're not a little girl.
 * Genie: (As Emerald City guard) Well, push my buttons! (As himself, extatically) You're Walter Marcus! How did you know it was me?
 * Walter: Shirley Temple looked like a Smurf. You could never fool me, Genie.
 * Genie: (To viewers) I guess the blue skin was a bit obvious. (To Walter) So, where you going?
 * Walter: Harper's. To meet someone named Helga Krupnick.
 * Genie: Ooh! You have a date? She seems nice.
 * Walter: No, she's a toon.
 * Genie: I'm sure she'll be pleased to meet you.
 * Walter: I highly doubt that.
 * Genie: (As 60's hippie) Look here dude, your grandpa Eddie Valiant would be so happy for you to take a chance with this girl.
 * Walter: What does he know?
 * Genie: Single women love a warm-hearted man. (As Dolores) Eddie cleared out Goofy's name, and he rescued Donald's nephews. He was amazing. (As himself) In other words, you have to let it go. The Rogue Runt never did. [Walter gives an sad sigh, knowing the Genie is right.]
 * Walter: Alright. I'll do it. (Walks off) For her.
 * Genie: (In excitement) That's the spirit! (As Monterey Jack) Throw a shrimp on the barbie! [As Walter is about to cross the street, Genie magically appears in front of him, startling him.] (As himself) And one more thing. If you ever get into a lot of trouble, you're gonna need this. [He reveals a red joy buzzer in his hands. Walter looks confused.]
 * Walter: A joy buzzer?
 * Genie: Not just any joy buzzer. (As game show host) It's a kill buzzer! Doesn't actually kill. With this beauty, you can stun your enemies! They'll be immobilized for less than a minute!
 * Walter: Forget it, Genie. I'm not a comedian. [He tries to walk past Genie but the latter blocks the former.]
 * Genie: No, I insist. You must take it.
 * Walter: (Breathes deeply annoyed) If you insist, I'll take it. [He takes the joy buzzer and puts it his pocket then walks off.] But I won't thank you for it. [Genie smiles warmly.] Comic reliefs. [Walter presses a button on a lamppost and the STOP hand becomes a GO walking figure. As the cars stop, Walter walks the crosswalk and exits the Maroon Studios lot while whistling "Heigh-Ho" from Snow White. He stops at the edge of the sidewalk outside of the studio gate. A giddy CGI elf appears behind.]
 * Kenneth: Hello, Walter Marcus! Ha ha! The name's Kenneth Keebler. How ya doin'?
 * Walter: Fine, thank you.
 * Kenneth: My boss told me about you.
 * Walter: T.L. Craft?
 * Kenneth: Ha! No. [He gestures the actor to bend down closer to him like he has a secret.] (Quietly) I'm not supposed to say his name to anyone.
 * Walter: Hm.
 * Kenneth: (In normal tone) So do you want to know what I'm doing?
 * Walter: No. I'm taking a bus to Harper's. [As Kenneth is about to speak, Walter cuts him off.] (Sternly) And I mean cable cars! [Kenneth makes a depressed face and leaves in sadness.]
 * [After a cable car stops in front of the studio gate, Walter boards it and pays the driver three dollars. When he finds a place to sit, the cable car takes off and drives through Hollywood. He sees Hollywood Palladium, the Walk of Fame HQ, Crossroads Of The World, and a lot of awesome buildings while reminiscing on the good times he and his family had in the 90's. He smiled warmly he thinks of him and Ro-Bert having fun. He then sees a walk of fame outside of the Dolby Theatre, Harper's, and sees Grauman's Chinese Theatre, which the cable cars arrives at. Walter alights it, knowing his destination. As the vehicle takes off, he looks at stars with famous actors and toons' names on them: Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Sandra Bullock, Bugs Bunny, Clark Gable, Mike Wazowski, Oliver Hardy, Winnie the Pooh, Stan Laurel, Shirley Temple, Woody Woodpecker, Buzz Lightyear, Michelle Pfeiffer, Don Knotts, Mel Gibson, Michael Jackson, Mickey Rooney, Shrek, David Hasselhoff, Stan Lee, Jimmy Durante, Betty Boop, Squidward, SpongeBob, Woody Pride, Donald Duck, and a lot of celebrities and characters you know. Then he, with a smile, sees his name reading: "Walter Marcus Valiant. 9/15/20".]

4. Meeting Helga/Humiliated

 * [Walter enters Harper's and meets the host at his podium.]
 * Walter: Table for Walter Marcus.
 * Host: Why certainly. [He leads the actor to his table. Walter looks at the customers in the restaurant.] Your waitress will be with you. [As the host returns to his podium, Walter reads his menu. He then brings his attention to the stage, along with the rest of the customers.]
 * Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen! Put your hands together for The Barbershop Quartet performing The Bare Necessities; Tom Gentry's arrangement! [The customers applaud whilst the curtains open, revealing four anthropomorphic barbershop poles. They tune their vocals; Walter smiles as if it's his kind of style.]
 * Barbershop Quartet: ♪Has worry got you down? Do your troubles abound get rid of all your woe? You've got to simplify. Look for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessities. Forget about your worries and your strife. I mean the bare necessities, old mother nature's recipes that bring the bare necessities of life. Wherever I wander, wherever I roam. I couldn't be fonder of my big home...♪ [While the performers are singing, a redhead toon shows up at Walter's table.]
 * Helga Krupnick: Hi. I'm Helga and I'll be taking your order. [The human turns his attention to the toon waitress.] (Surprised) Walter Marcus. My sister Jessica told me all about you.
 * Barbershop Quartet: (offscreen) ♪The bees are buzzing in the tree to make some honey just for me...♪
 * Walter: You must be Helga. Why haven't I heard about you in two years.
 * Barbershop Quartet: (offscreen) ♪The bare necessities of life will come to you. Yes, you...♪
 * Helga: I can't believe I'm standing right next THE grandson of Eddie Valiant. (Sees crooked Walter's bowtie) Oh, your tie is crooked. [She fixes Walter's bowtie, making him blush.]
 * Barbershop Quartet: (offscreen) ♪Diamonds, eh. Rubies, nah. Just a bunch a rocks. Yeah. Money. Ha!...♪
 * Helga: So, what would you like to eat?
 * Barbershop Quartet: (offscreen) ♪Power, they keep you in a box...♪
 * Walter: A New York Strip Steak would be fine. [Helga writes down his order.]
 * Barbershop Quartet: (offscreen) ♪Nature and sunshine, now they're the key to health...♪
 * Helga: Will that be all?
 * Walter: Yes. [Helga walks off.]
 * Barbershop Quartet: ♪Friendship and freedom, yes they're all great as well. Wherever I wander, wherever I roam. I couldn't be fonder of my big home. Don't spend your time just looking around for things you want that can't be found. When you find out you can live without it and go along not thinkin' about it. That's the end of care and strife. Just find the bare necessities of life. Oh life!♪ [The audience applauds as the curtains close, including Walter.]
 * Jolon Jackson: Great performance, isn't it? [Walter turns his attention to the man behind him.]
 * Walter: Who are you?
 * Jolon: Jolon N. Jackson. You're Walter Marcus. Mind if I sit down?
 * Walter: Whatever. [Jolon sits down next to him.]
 * Jolon: I heard your dream got crushed. (Looks at Walter's attire) Say, why are you dress like that? You look like a peasant.
 * Walter: This is roaring twenties attire, Mr. Prince. Why else?
 * Jolon: Nothing. I just thought you were in a place with lions. Ha! (Winks at Walter) Get it? Lions roar. [Walter gives him a deadpan expression.]
 * Walter: (Sarcastically) You slay me.
 * Jolon: Well, excuse me for explaining a joke, Wally.
 * Walter: Exactly. It's not funny when you explain it, everyone knows that. And please don't call me Wally.
 * Jolon: Okay, uh, comedy lesson. Why did the banana fall out of a tree?
 * Walter: Why?
 * Jolon: Cause it was dead. [Walter perks up and looks at him with a confused and shocked expression.] Ha ha ha ha. See, that's funny. [Walter sighs as Jolon's phone rings.] Oh. Gotta go. [He answers it while exiting the restaurant.] Hello?
 * Walter: (To viewers) This guy is not good. [Helga returns with the New York Strip he ordered.]
 * Helga: Here you go. One New York Strip.
 * Walter: Thanks. [While eating his steak, he brings his attention to the stage.]
 * Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen! Our final performance of the night! Slapstick the Octopus! [Everyone applauds except Walter who isn't a fan of comedy]
 * Slapstick: Thank you, thank you. I was in a backstop motel, and there were two soda cans. One says "you appear to be in a bubbly mood," and the other one says "So does your brother." (Rimshot) [The audience laughs except Walter who feels sorrowful, thinking of Ro-Bert] I'm not a fan of spring cleaning. Let's be honest, I'm not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either. [The audience laughs again at his jokes] There was an octopus who proud of his eight tentacles. He called himself "Opti-puss." But one day a crab grabbed his tentacle and he became grumpy. He then called "Skepta-puss". [As the audience laughs the third time, a group of toon weasels (above the stage in the shadows) are holding a rope with an anvil tied to it. They giggle wickedly to what they're about to do] How do you look for Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints.