Sister Act 2: Sister Time (Musical)/Script

WARNING: *Sung lyrics in bold

Queue and Preshow
Timon: Hi, everyone! It's me, Timon. Sister Mary George and her friends are getting the wildlife footage all set up, so we should be starting the show real soon. Oh! I forgot. Just a little reminder to everyone, please don't put on your 3D convent glasses until you are seated inside the wildlife convent. Thank you.

Sister Mary George: Hiya, everybody! It's me, Sister Mary George! (laughs) Are you ready for the show? That's great, 'cause I'm getting ready to open these automatic doors. For those of you near our theater entrance, please be sure to stand away from the curtains and behind the yellow line and clear of the doors 'cause when I push the tiger, they're gonna open towards you. Now, uh, where'd that tiger get to? Hey, there it is! (laughs) Ready? Here we gooooooooo!

Peacock Leader: Oh, hi everybody! It's me, your peacock leader! Now that you're here, go ahead and pick a row you want to sit in, and keep stepping 'til you're all the way across. That's right, buddy. Keep it a-moving! (squawks) And for your safety, please don't go puttin' on your special 3D convent glasses until Timon tells you, okay? Thanks. For all of you coming in, thanks for filling in all the available seats. And all of you going out, thanks for making the seats available. (squawks) If you're still coming in, it's great to see ya! Now it's time to choose a row and move yourself all the way across, so you can fill up all the empty seats. That's right, madam. You show 'em how it's done! (squawks) Goodness, being a stage manager sure is fun. Sister Mary George? Sister Mary Zira? Sister Mary Olivia? HEY, GUYS!!!! Are you all done up there? My goodness, wonder where they went? (walking slowly, reused cat screech, then the Peacock Leader screams) Sorry, little kitty! (closes the door, opens the door) Almost ready! Hmm. How'd that get unplugged? I'll just plug one of them back in. (Peacock Leader puts all the plugs in, causing him and us to get electrocuted which triggers hidden air cannons in the theater, and we all scream in pain as well with Peacock Leader. Then, Peacock Leader thuds, birds twittering) (laughs) That's better. (walks off the room and closes the door)

Prologue
Timon: Ladies and gentlemen, lions, tigers, and bears, buzzards (vultures), swans, and peacocks! We ask ALL of you to please refrain from eating, drinking, or using flash photography during today's performance. All right, everyone. Put on your 3D convent glasses because it's time to go back to 2004 with wildlife footage. (Timon takes us back to 2004.) OK, now! We are in 2004. Now, it's time to proudly present Sister Mary George and her brand-new friends from Nunsense and Sister Act One! (Applause from Neighborhood Animals. Timon opens the door, gasps, and runs to Sister Mary George) Sister Mary George! Where are Sister Mary Rafiki and your friends? Your friends are missing and it's showtime!

Sister Mary George: Showtime?

Peacock Leader: I gotta open the curtains!

Sister Mary George: Hey, peacock, we're not ready!

Peacock Leader: What's that? I can't hear ya, Sister Mary George!

Sister Mary George: Oh my gosh! Everyone, wake up! It's showtime! Don't forget the scenery. And I will be here at the door.

Sister Mary Julia: You heard her, guys! Let's set up the scenery!

Sister Mary Brendan: Let's set up the animal footage!

Sister Mary Serena: Yay! I love it!

Sister Mary Korrina and Sister Mary Kiara: Okey-dokey-lion lokey!

(Sister Mary Kiara's dog barks in excitement!)

Sister Time
(Animal footage appears from Baby Noah. We hear the sound of a doorknob turning and a door swinging open behind the animal footage from Baby Noah.)

(We see the silhouette of of a nun as she stands in the shaft of light from the open door. The nun's footsteps echo as she walks down the shaft of light of a flashlight to a vulturine guineafowl on the floor. She picks the flashlight up and brings it to her eyes. It was Sister Mary George!)

Sister Mary George: In 2004, Sister Mary Mufasa built our convent near the Marriott's Grande Vista in Orlando, Florida and it seemed for some while thereafter that all the family's days would be warm and fair.

(Her gang of friends appear including Sister Mary Mufasa, Sister Mary Nala, Deloris Van Cartier, Sister Rafiki with her Rafiki costume from Broadway, Sister Mary Regina, and The Little Sisters of Hoboken with Father Virgil and Tevye.)

Nuns: '''The skies were blue and hazy Rarely a storm. Barely a chill. The afternoons were lazy, Everyone warm. Everything still.'''

Father Virgil and Tevye: Now there was distant music simple and somehow sublime giving the nation a new syncopation, the sisters called it Sister Time!

(Sister Mary Mufasa steps forward, a strong, commanding figure.)

Sister Mary Mufasa: I am well-off. Very well-off. My considerable income was derived from the manufacture of fireworks and bunting and other accouterments of patriotism. I am also something of an amateur explorer.

(Sister Mary Nala steps forward with a gracious, appealing lioness costume.)

Sister Mary Nala: The convent near Marriott's Grande Vista in Orlando, Florida was my domain. I took pleasure in making it comfortable for the nuns of my family, and often told myself how fortunate I am to be so protected and provided for by my friend!

Sister Mary Ono: Nala, will you cut it out? I worked in Mufasa's fireworks factory. I am a genius at explosives, herons, and even egrets! But I am also a young nun in search of something to believe in. My sister wondered when I would find it.

Sister Mary Rafiki: (Laughs) I had been a professor of a baboon, sangoma and a mandrill. Now retired and living with my daughter and her family, I am thoroughly smart by everything.

Sister Mary Regina: Hello, my friends! I am Sister Mary Regina, your reverend mother! I am from Nunsense! Come and see my new friends on the way! There are lots of animals here tonight. There were ostriches, gazelles, bears, gorillas, foxes, zebras, vultures, and...

Sister Mary Jefferson: SURPRIIIIIIIIISE! In the North Carolina convent, I forgot their troubles and danced and reveled to the music of me! This was a music that was theirs and no one else's.

Sister Mary Sarah: One young woman thought Jefferson played just for me. My name is Sister Mary Sarah!

Sister Mary Washington: I am the most famous nun in the convent. I counseled friendship between the races and spoke of the promise of the future. I had no patience with raccoons who lived less than exemplary lives.

(Suddenly, a bald eagle flies around us. Then, our friend on her roller-skates appear with Sister Mary Kiara following her bald eagle as falconry.)

Sister Mary Korrina: YEEEEEEEEE-HAW! Number 99! And that's gonna be you! In my eagle enclosure, I dreamed of a new life for Sister Mary Kiara. It would be a long journey, a terrible one. I would not lose Kiara, as I had Kiara's mother. My name is Sister Mary Korrina! I never spoke of my wife! Kiara was all I had now. Together, we would escape.

(A bald eagle lands on Korrina's arm. Suddenly, Sister Mary Zira appears above the nuns.)

Sister Mary Paul: Sisters! Look, it's Zira!

Nuns, Father Virgil, and Tevye: Ooh...aah! Praise the Lord! Ooh...aah! Praise the Lord!

Sister Mary Zira: (Cackles) I am one immigrant who made an art of escape, and I do not like LIONS AND TIGERS, but Sister Mary George loves the lions and tigers in the zoo! I am a headliner in the top Vegas circuits.

(Sister Mary Geanette points with pride!)

Sister Mary Geanette: She is the main villain ever to win a soccer game!

Sister Mary Zira: I made my mother proud. But for all my achievements, I knew I am only the illusionist. I wanted to believe there was more... (notices Sister Mary George.) Hello, tiger.

Sister Mary George: WARN THE MONKEY!

Sister Mary Zira: What did you say?

Sister Mary Geanette: She said, WARN THE MONKEY!

(The nuns silently applaud and loudly laugh. The moment is broken as Sister Mary Zira is enveloped by her crowd of admirers.)

Sister Mary Olivia: COME ON, NOW! You lions are awesome! What do you call a cat and a lye? Well, a ly-on! (Laughing) Get it, a ly-on?

(Laughter.)

Sister Mary Morgan: We now make a convent great.

Sister Flamingo: They can't help it. At the very top of the Walter Pyramid, that's the very tip-top! Like Pharaohs reincarnate, stood Sister Mary Morgan and me! Sister Mary Flamingo! All nuns are equal but some man and beast are more equal than others, now the cream rises to the top.

Sister Mary Goldman: Let me at those sons of bitches! These hyenas are the demons who are sucking your very souls dry! I hate them!

Sister Flamingo: Someone should arrest that wild woman!

(Vultures circle around and hyenas laugh Sister Mary Goldman.)

Sister Mary Goldman: I, the radical anarchist fought against the ravages of convent capitalism as I watched my hyenas and vultures' hopes turn to despair on the Lower East Side.

(Suddenly, Sister Mary Simba appears, dressed in her adult Simba costume from The Lion King musical.)

Sister Mary Simba: La la la la La la la la la Whee!

Sister Mary Goldman: But our convent was watching another drama.

Sister Mary Simba: I am the most beautiful nun in Orlando. If I wore my hair in curls on the lion's mane, every woman wore your hair in curls.

Sister Mary White: I am the lover and the eminent architect, Sister Mary White, designer of the San Diego Zoo.

Sister Mary Paddington: I am your stepmother, the eccentric millionaire, I, Sister Mary Paddington, am a violent nun, polar bear, and HYENA! (Tranquilizes Sister Mary White with her tranquilizer gun)

Sister Mary Simba: After my stepmother tranquilized my lover, I became the biggest attraction in Vegasville since 1999!

(Guineafowl, owls, tigers, zebras, ostriches, cheetahs, and jaguars appear from offstage right joining Sister Mary Goldman!)

Sister Mary Goldman: And although the newspapers called the shooting the Crime of the Century, I knew it was after 1998...

Nuns: (Shouting) AND THERE WERE SIX YEARS LONG AGO!

Sister Mary Goldman: (Swinging on a vine) Yahooooooooo!

Nuns, Tevye, and Father Virgil: '''Now there was music playing, catching a nation in its prime beggar and millionaire everyone, everywhere! We're moving to the Sister Time! Now there was distant music skipping a beat, singing a dream a strange, insistent music putting out heat, picking up steam the sound of distant thunder suddenly starting to climb it was the music of something beginning an era exploding, a century spinning in riches and seals, and in rhythm and rhyme the sisters called it Sister, Sister, Sister Time!'''

Goodbye, My Love
(Applause from Neighborhood Animals again. We hear the Stentorian blasts of an ocean-going steam vessel. Immediately we hear the confident sounds of a ship's Sousa-esque orchestra playing the "All ashore" music prior to its immediate departure. We are on the main deck of the ship that will be carrying Sister Mary Mufasa on an expedition to the North Pole with Sister Mary Brendan! Sister Mary Mufasa is bidding goodbye to her gang. They have all gathered to see her off. Various ship personnel, their friends and a wildlife society mill about the pier below.)

Sister Mary Mufasa: Everything will be fine, Nala. You'd think the world was coming to an end every time a nun sailed off to the North Pole with Sister Mary Brendan.

Sister Mary Nala: I shall miss you.

Sister Mary Mufasa: Of course, you will. But it's only a year. Nothing much happens in a year. The world will not spin off its axis. Nothing will change, Nala. We will miss each other, but the world will stay the same.

Sister Mary Rafiki: I hope not. What this world needs is a good swift kick in the sangoma.

(Sister Mary Ono heard a roar of a lion.)

Sister Mary Ono: Look! Down there! On the pier! It's her! Sister Mary Simba! She's even more beautiful in real life than she is in the magazines. I'm going to try to speak to her.

Sister Mary George; Me too!

Sister Mary Clarence: Me three!

The Little Sisters of Hoboken: ME US! (Laughter)!

Sister Mary Mufasa: GUYS! You'll see Sister Mary Simba!

Sister Mary Paul: I want to see her, too.

Sister Mary Mufasa: You're the nun of the convent now. You have to keep an eye on Nala for both of us. Will you do that?

Sister Mary George and her friends: (to Mufasa) Yes, ma'am!

Sister Mary Mufasa: Good!

Sister Mary Rafiki: I want to go home. It's so great. Everyone, say goodbye!

Sister Mary Mufasa: I will miss you, Rafiki!

Sister Mary Rafiki: Then stay home.

(Sister Mary George's friends including Sister Mary Rafiki, Sister Mary Ono, Sister Mary Clarence and The Little Sisters of Hoboken walk offstage right.)

Sister Mary Nala: Come back soon and safe to us!

Sister Mary Mufasa: That is my intention.

Sister Mary Nala: And promise to see your tamed polar bears and walruses?

Sister Mary Mufasa: I promise. Now, unless you want to be the only woman left on a shipful of nuns, you'd better get ashore!

(Laughter.)

Sister Mary Mufasa: I'm sorry. That was coarse. Goodbye.

(Sister Mary Mufasa kisses Nala!)

Sister Mary Mufasa: Stay well. God bless you! (The other nuns and church people are waving their final farewells to the departing explorers. Sister Mary Nala watches as the figure of Sister Mary Mufasa recedes.)

Sister Mary Mufasa: And remember to cancel our subscription to the Polar Bear. I left money for an emergency under the library rug. Don't smile. You can never have enough money. And you'll remember to bring in the dahlias? Goodbye. Say a prayer for us. God bless our convent. God bless each and every one of us.

Sister Mary Nala: Goodbye my love

God bless you

And I suppose

Bless America too

You have places to discover

Oceans to conquer

You need to know

I'll be there at the window

While you go on your way

I accept that

But what of the people

Who stay where they're put

Planted like flowers

With roots underfoot

I know some of those people

Have hearts that would rather

Go journeying on the sea

Tell me what of the people

Whose boundaries chafe

Who marry so bravely

And end up so safe

Tell me how to be someone

Whose heart can explore

While still staying here

Let this be the year

We both travel

Goodbye my love

Journey on.

(Sister Mary Mufasa and Sister Mary Brendan can be seen on the bridge of their ship. It is night. We now see the tamed seals, walruses, caribou, and polar bears on the ship. Even the African penguins are on the ship too!)

Journey On
Sister Mary Mufasa: It's an honour to go on expedition with you, Sister Mary Brendan. It's the nun like you who've made this convent great!

Sister Mary Brendan: It's the nun like you who will keep it great, your Majesty.

Sister Mary Luke: All sails set, Brendan!

Sister Mary Brendan: Thank you, Luke. This is my cousin, Sister Mary Luke.

Sister Mary Mufasa: Good evening.

Sister Mary Brendan: Welcome aboard!

Sister Mary Mufasa: What's that? In the distance? Such a ghostly glow!

Sister Mary Brendan: They're called zoo ships. Immigrants from every zoo worldwide. Most of them are captive, injured, or healthy. They're your future animals, new friends I tell you!

Sister Mary Luke: My pets were also brought here on ships. Is it that right?

Sister Mary Brendan: Good watch, Luke!

(Sister Mary Brendan and SIster Mary Luke go offstage left. Sister Mary Mufasa stares across the dark waters to the tiger striped ship. At some distance she sees Sister Mary Korrina and Sister Mary Kiara with their dog!)

Sister Mary Mufasa: You're a brave nun, whoever you are. Coming so far, expecting so much! A salute to the nun on the deck of that ship!

A salute to the immigrant stranger

Heaven knows why you'd make such a terrible trip

May your own god protect you from danger

Is it freedom or love that you pray for

In your guttural accent

Too late, long gone

A salute to a fellow

Who hasn't a chance

Journey on.

(Sister Mary Korrina appears with her bald eagle to Kiara.)

Sister Mary Korrina: If sisters ask, how old are you?

Sister Mary Kiara: I am 10 years old.

Sister Mary Korrina: Your favorite wild animals?

Sister Mary Kiara: The eagle and the tiger.

Sister Mary Korrina: And where is your mother, NOW?

(The music stops!)

Sister Mary Kiara: DEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! (Kiara's loud voice makes us cover our ears! After Sister Mary Kiara said DEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD, Sister Mary Kiara's new pet dog like Korrina's bald eagle whines to Sister Mary Kiara! A vulture lands on the ship!)

Sister Mary Korrina: AAAAH! Sister Mary Kiara, that's too LOUD! This is my friend. She speaks for both of us.

Sister Mary Kiara: This is my friend. She speaks for both of us. Is that other ship going back home?

Sister Mary Korrina: NOOOOOO! The convent is our home now. The convent is our zoo.

Sister Mary Korrina and Sister Mary Kiara: This is our zoo!

(Sister Mary Kiara's dog barks to the vulture. The vulture flies off from the ship, illuminating Sister Mary Mufasa and Sister Mary Korrina.)

Sister Mary Kiara: Look. Someone is waving! Where is she going?!!?

Sister Mary Korrina: She is a fool on a fool's journey. You depart on a ship from a convent like this

Why on earth would you want to be leaving

Was it something you lost that you suddenly miss

Are you angry or possibly grieving

Do you see in my face what you've lost, friend

Are you moved by the death ship we sail upon

Well, perhaps you're a nun who's in search of your heart

Journey on.

Sister Mary Mufasa: Journey on.

Sister Mary Korrina, Sister Mary Mufasa, and Sister Mary Kiara: Two ships passing

In the kinship

Of the darkness-

Sister Mary Mufasa: One going from...

Sister Mary Korrina: One coming to...

Sister Mary Kiara: Our new convent!

Sister Mary Korrina, Sister Mary Mufasa, and Sister Mary Kiara: Three nuns meeting

At the moment

Of a journey

For a moment

In the darkness

We're the same

(Sister Mary Nala was on top of the Marriott hotel with her pet rooster. We now see Sister Mary George sleeping on her bed on top with her peacock.)

Sister Mary Nala: But what of the rooster whose boundaries chafe?

Sister Mary Mufasa: I salute you, my friend!

Sister Mary Nala: Who marry so bravely and end up so safe?

Sister Mary Korrina and Sister Mary Kiara: May you find what you need.

Sister Mary Nala: I will be journeying here, my love as you go!

Sister Mary Mufasa and Sister Mary Kiara: As you go

Sister Mary Korrina, Sister Mary Nala, Sister Mary Mufasa, and Sister Mary Kiara: Journeying on the sea! We're two ships passing at a distance through the darkness!

Sister Mary Mufasa: One going from...

Sister Mary Korrina: One coming to...

Sister Mary Kiara and Sister Mary Nala: Our new convent!

Sister Mary Korrina, Sister Mary Nala, Sister Mary Mufasa, and Sister Mary Kiara: Strangers sharing

The beginnings

Of a journey

Sister Mary Mufasa: I salute you!

Sister Mary Korrina: God be with you!

Sister Mary Nala: I will miss you!

Sister Mary Korrina, Sister Mary Nala, Sister Mary Mufasa, and Sister Mary Kiara: In the darkness of the dawn, journey on!

Sister Mary Simba's Introduction and Crime of the Century
Sister Mary Ono: I am in love with Sister Mary Simba. Ever since that first glimpse of her on the pier, nothing else mattered. I am late for work. I got the otter! I dreamed of writing her name with fireworks in the sky.

When she opened in a new review at Rainforest Cafe on Disney's Animal Kingdom with lots of food and jungle animals, I took the day off and I'm first in line to buy a ticket!

(A whistle like Mr. Pteranodon went RRRRRRRRRRRR! Timon, The Jury, Sea Lions, and Wolves run onstage in chaos! Sister Mary Ono runs to her seat behind the elephants and next to a swan at the "Trial of the Century".)

Timon: And now, testifying for the defense, Sister Mary Simba!!!!

(Sister Mary Simba jumps from offstage right!)

Sister Mary Simba: Hello, gentlemen! Whee!

Sea Lions: La la la la

La la la la la

(Sister Mary Simba roars like a real lion!)

La la la la

La la la la la

Sister Mary Simba: Your honor, I AM once the lesbian friend of Sister Mary White.

Sea Lions: She's the famous architect!

Sister Mary Simba: Yes, that's right.

She put me on a lion's mane

And made me wear, well

Hardly anything

Ruined at the age of fifteen!

Your honor,

Then I went and married Sister Paddington

Sister Mary Simba and Sea Lions: Eccentric millionaire!

Sea Lions: (Barking Twice)!

Sister Mary Simba: She is so convent wise!

Wolves: '''BANG! BANG!'''

Sister Mary Simba: She is now tranquillized!

Sea Lions and Wolves: Boo hoo!

Sister Mary Simba: '''Your honor, be fair. My Paddy went crazy, I swear!'''

Sea Lions: La la la la la!

Animals and Sister Mary Simba: '''Now it's the Crime of the century! Crime of the century! Giving the world a thrill!'''

Sister Mary Simba: Paddy's in trouble and White's in heaven, now I'm in the new Vegasville!

Animals and Sister Mary Simba: The crime of the century

Crime of the century

All for a youthful fling

Fortune, fame

And a ruined name

Sister Mary Simba: '''And now I'm the new Lion King! WHEEEEEEEEEEE!'''

Sister Mary Ono: Quickly, I am now in love with Sister Mary Simba. From my regular seat behind the giant elephants, I would lean far over the table, hoping my goddess would notice me. One night I almost fell. Simba caught sight of me and smiled. Life was suddenly full of delicious possibilities!

Sea Lions: (Barking Twice Again)!

Sister Mary Simba: Paddy must not be hung!

Sea Lions: '''(Gavel bangs two times!) BANG! BANG!'''

Timon: (spoken) LET'S HAVE THE VERDICT SUNG!

Sea Lions and Wolves: Boo hoo!

Magpie: (spoken offstage right) Your honor we find that Paddy's NOW guilty.

Sister Mary Simba: (spoken) My Paddy's NOW GUILTY!

Animals, Sister Mary Ono, Sister Mary Simba, Timon, The Jury, Sea Lions, and Wolves: '''CAUSE PADDY IS OUT OF HER MIND! And it's the crime of the century'''

Crime of the century

Making the world go (Hollering whee)!

Paddy's in trouble

And White's in heaven

Sister Mary Simba: (spoken) And I get my new publicity!

Animals, Sister Mary Ono, Sister Mary Simba, Timon, The Jury, Sea Lions, and Wolves: '''The Crime of the century! Crime of the century! Not such an awful thing.'''

Sister Mary Simba: '''White's in bed and I finally said! Cause now I'm the new-ah -'''

Animals: Now she's the new-ah -

Sister Mary Simba: Now I'm the new

Animals, Sister Mary Ono, Sister Mary Simba, Timon, The Jury, Sea Lions, and Wolves: Lion King!

Sister Mary Simba: WHEEEEEEE! (Flying to Sister Mary Ono. Timon, The Jury, and Sea Lions with Wolves run offstage. She is being hounded by an unrelenting reporter.)

Reporter: Daily Journal, Sister Mary Simba! Is it true you haven't visited your lesbian in the asylum since the trial?

Sister Mary Simba: I don't know what you're talking about!

Reporter: And you have nightmares about your lover's shot-off face?

Sister Mary Ono: (below the leopard) Leave...the lion... ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE! (Ono's loud voice makes us cover our ears like Sister Mary Kiara in Journey On!)

Sister Mary Simba: Thank you! You! You're at the tradition (Rainforest Cafe) every night! (A leopard roars with a cougar growl) You've never missed a performance and ate all the food. You deserve MY reward! (She kisses with Sister Mary Ono like a lesbian making us laugh wildly!) Is that what you wanted?

Sister Mary Ono: I love you, Sister Mary Simba!

Sister Mary Simba: Would you repeat that for the press?

Sister Mary Ono: YES! YES! I LOVE TO!

Sister Mary Simba: You love the new Lion King. Well, now you can say I kissed you. But I could never love a nun as poor or as thin or as nice as you. I'll blow you a wedding kiss from the Rainforest Cafe again tomorrow night, if I haven't forgotten all about you!

(Sister Mary Simba goes offstage followed by the REPORTER carrying Sister Mary Ono.)

Sister Mary Ono: (Offstage carried by a reporter) I am going to change the world for yoooooooooou!

Hakuna Matata (Gramophone) and Garden Scene
(We hear Hakuna Matata from the Broadway recording being played by a gramophone. The words seem to mock Sister Mary Ono. At the same time, Sister Mary Nala with Sister Mary George and their friends will appear in the next scene. She is humming along with the song, making ready to work in the garden of our convent.)

Sister Mary Ono: '''Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata! Hakuna Matata, YOW!'''

Sister Mary Nala: I say Hakuna.

(Sister Mary Ono stops the gramophone music.)

Sister Mary Ono: I LOVE THAT FAVORITE SONG!

(Sister Mary Ono rushes into our convent as Sister Mary Rafiki mows the grass through our garden.)

Sister Mary Ono: Guess what I see! Nine white-tailed deer! Can I see them?

Sister Mary Rafiki: (Stops mowing) Correction. You will see the deer. They're tamed in the exhibit! You'll show them to us. You trust Sister Mary Rafiki, she knows what she's talking about.

(Sister Mary Rafiki walks offstage left continuing mowing.)

Sister Mary George: Is Sister Mary Simba the Harlot of Babylon?

Sister Nary Nala: Where did you hear that?

Sister Mary George: I read it in one of Sister Mary Rafiki's magazines.

Sister Nary Nala: I want you to see your animals. I'm sure Sister Mary Simba is a very nice person. She's just confused. She's strayed from the path.

Sister Mary George: What path?

Father Virgil: The right path! The one we all want to be on if only we could and if only it weren't so difficult!

Sister Mary George: Not for lesbians it's not. Nuns are tested almost every day of their Christian lives.

Sister Mary Nala: Not everyone's a Christian. You know that.

Sister Mary Luke and Sister Mary Brendan: We're back! We're back! We're back! We're back!

Sister Mary Luke: We are here in our convent! We saw the whole thing!

Sister Mary Brendan: We saw the peacocks welcomed in the aviary and then...

Sister Mary Luke and Sister Mary Brendan: We saw the jaguar cub!

Sister Mary Clarence: Awww... How adorable! I want to see seven orphaned jaguar cubs in the convent and zoo!

(A plane flies above, advertising an appearance by Sister Mary Zira that said "See my dynamite-laden box escape tomorrow at 9:30 AM!". Sister Mary Nala runs offstage right, terrified!)

Sister Mary George: OH NO! Zira's coming! Can we go? I'll do anything. Please!

Sister Mary Iris: Ok, Sister Mary George! Lions, tigers, and bears! We want everyone to yell, "Warn the Monkey!" like Sister Mary George did on the count of ten, really, really loud! Ready? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!

(Sister Mary George and her gang calls up to Sister Mary Zira's plane as it circles overhead.)

Us, Sister Mary George and her friends: WARN THE MONKEY!!!!

Sister Mary Iris: One more time!

Us, Sister Mary George and her friends: WARN THE MONKEY!!!!

Sister Mary Iris: Whoa! Did ya hear ’em, Nala? Did you hear... THEM?

(They stand watching the plane fly offstage overhead as we hear it fly away. Sister Mary Nala pops out from offstage right.)

Sister Mary Nala: YES! Warn the Monkey! Now make some loud animal noises, my friends! Cause you just yelled like Sister Mary George! Awesome!

Sister Mary George: ROAR!

Sister Mary Iris: SQUAAAAAAAAWK!

Sister Mary Rafiki: (Loud monkey noises making us laugh!)

Sister Mary Julia: (Cheetah growls and chirps)

Tevye: (Walrus bellows)

Sister Mary Robert Anne and Sister Mary Hubert: (Barking in a low voice) Woo! Woo!

What Kind Of Woman?
(Sister Mary Nala uses her magnifying glass. She has found something meowing in the bush!)

Sister Mary Nala: (Gasps) RUUUUUUUN! GO GET THE GANG!

Sister Mary George: What's wrong?

Sister Mary Nala: Get the gang, I tell you! Call the doctor, Sister Mary Zazu!

(Sister Mary George runs into our convent! Sister Mary Zazu and her friends join Sister Mary Nala. In silence, they look at the swaddled kitten Sister Mary Nala is holding in her arms.)

Sister Mary Iris: It's... It's a...

Sister Mary George and her friends: LION!!!!!!

Sister Mary Paul: LION! (Screams)

Sister Mary Leo: RUUUUUUUN!

Sister Mary George's friends including Sister Mary Zazu (Excluding Sister Mary George): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! (They run offstage left in terror!)

Sister Mary Zazu: Aww! Is it alive? Oh, please, God, let it be.

Sister Mary George: It's alive! It's a lion cub! An ORPHANED lion cub from Africa.

Sister Mary Zazu: It's like Moses in the bulrushes. You better come look. I think he's still alive.

Sister Mary Lazarus: Yeah. OK, what have we got here? JESUS CHRIST! It's a lion! Run, guys, move it! Oh, he's so adorable! Look at him. He's so cute, and all alone! Can we keep him?

Sister Mary Willard: Yes, of course we can keep him!

(Sister Mary George's friends walk to our convent.)

Sister Mary Nala: What kind of woman Would do such a thingWhy in God's nameIs my husband not here?I'm such a foolWhy did I sayHe was free to goWhat am I to doWhere are your instructionsMy dearYou left me listsEverything in listsWell your little listsAren't very helpfulI fearEach day the maidsTrudge up the hillThe hired help arrivesI never stopped to thinkThey might have livesBeyond our lives

Sister Mary Ono: They're here!

Policeman: We found her in the cellar of a home on the next block. She's a washwoman and nun there. Her name is Sarah.

Sister Mary Nala: Where will you take her?

Policeman: To the charity ward. Eventually she will have to stand trial.

Sister Mary Ono: What charges?

Policeman: Well, attempted murder, I should think.

Sister Mary Nala: What's going to happen to the lion cub?

Sister Mary Zazu: They have places for unfortunates like this.

Sister Mary Nala: I will take responsibility for mother and lion cub. Please take Miss Sarah inside! What kind of woman

Would do what I've done

Open the door

To such chaos and pain

You would have

Gently closed the door

And gently turned the key

And gently told me not to look

For fear of what I might see

What kind of woman

Would that have made me?

The Monkey and Sea Lion Song To the Zoo (A Shtetl Iz Amereke) and Success
(We are in the zoo ship. Suddenly, all the Old World and New World monkeys and apes and California sea lions began making loud noise into singing!)

Chimpanzee and his son: A shtetl iz Amerike

Amekhaye khlebn

Gorilla and his son: Es rut oyf ir di shkinele

Sea Lions: '''Merica, Merica. Bel massolino do fior.'''

New World Monkeys: Mir zoln azoy lebn

Mik khomes, biksn

Mentshn blut

A gubernator darf

Mennit

A keyser oyf

Kapores.

Amerike!

Amerike!

Amerike!

Amerike!

America!

(Next the peacocks arrive.)

Peacocks: Bel massolino

Di fior

Merica, Merica

Bel massolino

Di fior

Merica, Merica

Bel massolino

Di fior

'''Merica! Merica!'''

'''Merica! Merica!'''

'''Merica! Merica!'''

'''Merica! Merica!'''

America!

Gran mesi

Washington

Ki ba nou l'Amerik

Gran mesi

Washington

Gran mesi

Washington

Ki ba nou l'Amerik

L'Amerik!

L'Amerik!

L'Amerik!

L'Amerik!

(The monkeys, apes, peacocks and sea lions have the big finish!)

Monkeys, Apes, Peacocks, and Sea Lions: America!

Sister Mary Korrina: I promised you my new convent, and little one, we're there!

Peacocks and Sister Mary Kiara: America! (Sister Mary Korrina: STOP THAT! Just our convent, okay?) (Sighing joylessly)

Sister Mary Kiara: Our feet are on the solid ground and hope is in the air!

Sea Lions and Sister Mary Kiara: America! (Sister Mary Korrina: Just our convent!)

Sister Mary Korrina: '''You'll soon be eating pumpkin pie from off a china plate. Elephants, Walruses, just wait! For shining in your vulture's eyes and just beyond this gate!'''

Sea Lions, Apes, Monkeys, Peacocks, Sister Mary Korrina, and Sister Mary Kiara: Our new convent!

(The first gates are raised. There is a surge forward and we are on the zoo in Florida!)

Sea Lions, Apes, Monkeys, Peacocks, Sister Mary Korrina, and Sister Mary Kiara: (Cheers!) YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Sister Mary Korrina: Here in our new convent, anyone at all can succeed.

Animals: '''Our new convent! Here in our new convent!'''

Sister Mary Korrina: Do what you do, and the world will come to you, guaranteed!

Animals: '''Our new convent! We're in our new convent!'''

Sister Mary Korrina: I may be just a maker of art, but here you could start with less and make a success!

(A grey parrot begins to set up his cart full of animal pictures and begins to address the animals in the zoo.)

African Grey Parrot: Step right up and have a zoo animal made by a real artist! With ordinary colorful paper, a pair of scissors and some glue, I will give you a thing of such beauty! A life-like animal of someone you love. Zoo animals of your favourite celebrity.

Mary Simba, hey look!

She's on her Vegas stage

Mary Zira, she practically escapes From the page

Only a nickel, don't walk away!

Someday these will impress when I'm a success!

(Sister Mary Goldman approaches the parrot's cart. She examines Morgan's animal pictures.)

Sister Mary Goldman: Sister Mary Morgan! You should be ashamed of yourself, comrade.

Sister Mary Morgan: (Runs offstage) Oh. Sorry!

African Grey Parrot: Don't make a lecture, Sister Mary Goldman. I'm here to work, not make politics. (The parrot draws a peacock to Sister Mary Goldman.) Here you go!

Sister Mary Goldman: Work is politics.

Zebra: You are barking up the wrong tree, Mary Goldman. I am black-and-white. I work for no one. Trade unions are fine but they are not for me. Now be nice and don't move. This is an Indian blue peacock because I admire you anyway. (Sister Mary Goldman starts to say something.) Sshh! That doesn't mean I have to listen to you. I am in your socialist frying pan over there; I'm not jumping into the same fire over here.

Sister Mary Goldman: What's your name?

Sister Mary Korrina: My name is Sister Mary Korrina so you can call me Korrina like everyone else.

Coyote: Arwooooo! Because, you're not a zebra! Arwooooo! What about her mother?

Sister Mary Korrina: DEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD, I said I worked for no one. Not true. I work for my friend. My bald eagle is my falconry friend.

Leopard: With my compliments, Sister Mary Goldman.

Sister Mary Goldman: You can call me Zemma. (SHE reacts to the mute swan.) Mein Gott, what a kisser! (SHE reaches in her pocket and a monkey picture comes out of her pocket!) Here.

Sister Mary Zira, Master Escapist and What a Game!
(Sister Mary George is having a nightmare! Even Sister Mary Mufasa is watching Sister Mary George sleeping in her bed.)

Sister Mary George: Sister Mary Zira the master escapist, master of getting free.

Sister Mary Zira: Holding my breath I'm dancing with death '''as daring as I can be! Enter the master, safe from disaster, making the people gay!'''

(KER-BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! Sister Mary Zira is screaming and flying to offstage right! A crowd cheers! Sister Mary George is wide awake!)

Sister Mary George: Sister Mary Mufasa! Sister Mary Mufasa!

Sister Mary Mufasa: Sister Mary George, what is it? What's going on? What are you doing out of your bed? You just had a nightmare, AGAIN!

Sister Mary George: Something terrible is going to happen. An explosion! Sister Mary Zira is GOING TO KILL ME!

Sister Mary Mufasa: Sister Mary George, if you love basketball instead of your nightmare of Sister Mary Zira, it's a convent pastime!

Epilogue (The Grand Finale)
(Sister Mary Zira prepares to throw Sister Mary Mufasa in the exhibit filled with ostriches, wildebeests, giraffes, and zebras!)

Sister Mary Simba: Long,,,live...the QUEEN!

Sister Mary Mufasa: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Sister Mary George and her friends: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Sister Mary George's friends run offstage. The vulturine guineafowl we saw from the beginning watches Sister Mary George speak to us!)

Sister Mary George: The era of Sister Time continued!

Vulturine Guineafowl, Tigers, and Peacocks: (Cheers)!

Sister Mary George: As if 2018 were no more than a tune on a player piano. But now we know that then.

(She summons her friends we saw in the beginning! Her friends appear in line like a choir!)

Sister Mary Ono: During Sister Mary Jefferson's protection, I flew to the Walmart market in Norton to get SALMON! MY FAVORITE FOOD!

(Dogs barking 5 times in tune!)

Sister Mary Goldman: The signs of the coming wildlife were everywhere. The anarchist myself am arrested again, of course, but this time I would be deported, as well.

Sister Mary Washington: My all-new favorite Tuskegee Institute became, in time, the Walrus of South America. When I survived, flags were flown at half-mast. Madeline and Zazu attended my contest. WHOOOOOOOOO!

Sister Mary Rafiki: I myself resided now in a tree with birds. At last, peace and quiet! (Birds chirping)

Sister Mary Simba: The passionate and beautiful Sister Mary Simba would be the queen of the San Diego Zoo. Whee!

Sister Mary Zira: I myself am attacked, defeated, and killed by lions and tigers in 2021!

Sister Mary George and her nuns with Father Virgil and Tevye: WARN THE MONKEEEEEEEEEY!

Sister Mary Zira: George's brand-new friends words suddenly rang clear to the great illusionist. It was the one genuine mystical experience of my life. But it was too late. The world was already with LIONS AND TIGERS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

(Lions and tigers roaring and eating Sister Mary Zira!)

Sister Mary Mufasa: When the stampede began in the Columbus Zoo, twelve wildebeests, nine giraffes, two ostriches and ten zebras began stampeding in the same direction and then killed MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Sister Mary Nala: I wore black for a year. At the end of this time, Korrina proposed and I accepted. I adored her!

Sister Mary George: We are moved to California!

Sister Mary Kiara: And we felt blessed! JEFFERSON!

(A very smart black bird flies into Korrina's arms with the bald eagle. It's a raven! The animals are ready!)

Sister Mary Korrina: In 2022, the last year period, I had an idea for a movie! Your bunch of wild beasts! Alligators, Bears, Camels, Deer, Elephants, Flamingos to Zebras! My wildlife getting into trouble, getting out of trouble, but together despite their differences. I am sure it would make a wonderful movie --a dream of what this convent could be. I would be first in line to see it!

(Sister Mary George and her friends appear upstage, on opposite sides of the stage. Sister Mary Jefferson raises the raven up in to the air like Kiara from The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride!)

Sister Mary Jefferson: I see his face!

Sister Mary Sarah: I hear his wings flap!

Sister Mary Jefferson and Sister Mary Sarah: I look in those eyes; How wise they seem!

(We now see Sister Mary George raising up Sister Theodosia up like Jefferson and Sarah!)

Animals: '''Well, when she (Sister Mary Theodosia) is old enough, I will show her the convent. And she will ride...our friend will ride... on the wheels of a dream!!!!'''

After the Show
Timon: HEY! You're back to 2022! Thank you for joining our show! We like to thank you for enjoying our songs for your ears. At this time, please gather all of your personal belongings and take BIG and small children by the hands as you exit through the open doors at the side of the convent.

Peacock Leader: Please put your 3D convent glasses in the bins! If you love your show, please come back for one more sequel for Sister Act, Drumroll please! (Timpani drumroll is heard one more time from Crime of the Century ending with a gong bang!) Sister Act 3: The Teacher Guard!

Timon: Well, That Concludes Our Show and Please Remember, friends!

Peacock Leader: God Made You Special and He Loves You Very Much!

Timon and Peacock Leader with Sister Mary George and her friends: SEE YA!

Timon: (waving to us as we exit the show.) Thank you, and enjoy the rest of your day in the Indianapolis Zoo (Houston Zoo)!

Peacock Leader: HAVE FUUUUUUUUN!

(We see Timon, Peacock Leader, and Sister Mary George with her friends meet and greet us after we leave the show!) <span class="w6" style="white-space: nowrap; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; border: none; line-height: 1; height: 1px; font-family: ff0, &quot;Comic Sans MS&quot;, &quot;Comic Sans MS5&quot;, cursive; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; display: inline-block; width: 6px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 66px; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; widows: 2; word-spacing: -2px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> <span class="w7" style="white-space: nowrap; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; border: none; line-height: 1; height: 1px; font-family: ff0, &quot;Comic Sans MS&quot;, &quot;Comic Sans MS5&quot;, cursive; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; width: 7px; display: inline-block; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 66px; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; widows: 2; word-spacing: -2px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;"> <span class="w6" style="white-space: nowrap; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; border: none; line-height: 1; height: 1px; font-family: ff0, &quot;Comic Sans MS&quot;, &quot;Comic Sans MS5&quot;, cursive; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; display: inline-block; width: 6px; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-size: 66px; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; widows: 2; word-spacing: -2px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-color: initial;">