Jack Galaxy: "Space Girls" (Transcript)

Background
This is the transcript for the first episode of the anime webseries, Jack Galaxy.

Script
[INTRO (“Fighter” by Jack Stauber) plays (Newgrounds Version will mute the song for this and the outro)]

Unknown High School, Graduation Ceremony_

PRINCIPAL: Jack Van Hyperquasar Jr!

[Jack steps forward to accept his diploma]

JACK: This is my acceptance speech; thank you. [stands there for an awkward few seconds and walks off stage]

PRINCIPAL: Z Kepler!

[Z accepts his diploma and walks off stage without a word]

"Episode 1: Space Girls"

JACK (narrating): How's it goin'? The name's Jack. But you knew that already. I'm the captain of the Lightspeed and space pirate extraordinaire, alongside my lifelong friend Z. We came to space with one goal: the first goal being to expand our crew, and the second of this one goal being to find Universe Ultimate and get our hands on the Ultimate Element, which is said to bind every force in the known universe… And this is also, like, leagues better than going to college.

Lightspeed_

JACK: [sees Mars] Oh my god… is that Mars?

Z: Yeah, I think so.

JACK: It's beautiful… There's so much water. Wanna stop here for a bit?

Z: I mean, if you want, yeah.

JACK: Alright. [Heads that way and parks the ship]

[Jack and Z don their space suits]

Mars, Outer Limit_

Z: We should design a flag for our ship.

JACK: Oh–actually–Glad you mentioned that, because I happen to already have a design in my room, lemme pull that out real quick. [Gets up to get it] [comes back] Check it out.

Z: The hell is that?

JACK: It's a stereotypical nerd, see, there's the glasses, and the braces, and the–

Z: Why can't you put me on the flag too?

JACK: [stops for a sec to think, then gets slightly offended when he realizes he's being made fun of] Okay. [Puts the flag back] Well, I think it's cool. [Comes back out again] You reckon we'll meet any girls out here, like, space girls?

Z: Well God, I sure hope so, now you got me curious.

JACK: How you think they're gonna look?

Z: Wild. Like nothing we've got on earth, I'll tell ya that.

JACK: Hopefully more human than alien though, is all I’m gonna say.

Z: Yeah…

JACK: It'd be cool if we got a girl on our crew.

Z: Who's gettin' her though?

JACK: Oh-ho-ho! Me. For sure.

Z: No chance, dude.

JACK: Whatever, screw off. [Sees a huge pirate ship] WHOA… Z, you see that?

Z: Yeah… [Sees the ship] [reads the name] "The Jumping Jimmy."

JACK: Sounds like a seafood restaurant. Anyway, I say we sneak on, and do some good old fashioned [short pause] plundering.

Z: You could've said anything after "good old fashioned," and I'm so glad you said plundering… let's do it.

[They hop in their ship, and take off]

[They board the other ship]

The Jumping Jimmy, Main Hub_

[Looks up at the giant clock, that says "1:00 AM"]

JACK: Oh, perfect, they must all be fast asleep right now!

Z: Damn, this boat’s a full-blown society, what the gosh?

JACK: I know, it’s like… Here’s a map, I’m thinkin’ we can rob the captain if he’s got anything good.

Jumping Jimmy, Captain’s Office_

(During the majority of this scene, Jack and Z will be whispering to each other, and there will be an indication later on that they’ve stopped whispering)

[whispering]

JACK: Look at that, he’s got a TV AND a little DVD collection.

Z: Should we steal both?

JACK: That’s what I was thinkin’, man! But the TV might be a bit harder to move, and that's where the problem arises…

Z: [picks up an odd trinket] Ooh, teleportation device? [presses a button to teleport an object in close proximity to the next nearby location]

Jumping Jimmy, Dining Room_

[the TV pops up in midair, and falls onto the table, shattering]

Jumping Jimmy, Captain’s Office_

JACK: What was that sound?

Z: That definitely did not go to our ship.

[Jack looks through the DVD collection and picks out some random cases]

JACK: Oh my god… dude.

Z: What?

JACK: These movies are pirated! That’s awesome, I’m stealing these.

Z: Ya know, there’s something oddly poetic about that…

JACK: Circle of piracy, baby!

[Whispering stops]

ZELDALIS: [wakes up] Hey! What do you think you're doing with my illegally copied films?

JACK: Uh… do you guys happen to have a TV, by any chance?

ZELDALIS: I'm reporting you to the Authorities!

[Enter Zedarnda 😏]

ZEDARNDA: WAIT! You don't have to do this, dad.

JACK: (conscience) He has a daughter? Oh, please let her be a young adult…

Z: (conscience) Please let her be in her late 30's…

ZELDALIS: And why is that?

ZEDARNDA: What if they're just less fortunate than us, and want nicer things?

ZELDALIS: I highly doubt that, sweet pea.

ZEDARNDA: Ask them.

ZELDALIS: (under his breath) God, this is so stupid– (talking normally) Are you delinquents by any chance just… [sighs] less fortunate than us?

JACK: [pauses] Oh, yeah… Bigtime less fortunate.

Z: You see that ship parked outside?

ZELDALIS: Yeah–

Z: [mournfully, holding back fake tears] Not ours.

ZEDARNDA: [soft gasp] Aw, you poor things…

JACK: Please don't call us poor things… We prefer "poor people."

ZEDARNDA: Oh, sorry.

JACK: No, you're fine, darling.

ZELDALIS: I guess I'd better put some sleeping bags in the guest room then. But if you two try anything sly, I will have you executed SO fast!

JACK: Oh my.

[Zeldalis leaves the room to set up the sleeping bags]

JACK: Did you catch our names yet?

ZEDARNDA: No, what are they?

JACK: Well, I'm Jack and this is Z.

ZEDARNDA: Cool! I'm Zedarnda.

Z: Hey, how old are you, by the way?

[Suspenseful music starts playing, as the scene intensifies]

ZEDARNDA: I'm….

[Jack and Z stare intensely at her, with very intense faces…. Intensely]

ZEDARNDA: 20.

JACK: WOOO!!

ZEDARNDA: How old are you guys?

JACK: I'm 19, and my little friend here is still 18.

ZEDARNDA: Cute, so you're like an older brother to him?

JACK: Don't make it weird, sugar.

ZELDALIS: Beds are ready!

Jumping Jimmy, Guest Bedroom_

ZELDALIS: Have a good night, boys.

JACK: Goodnight to you too, daddy waddy.

[Zeldalis leaves the room, disgusted and weirded out]

[They both conk out for about an hour and a half before waking again]

[Whispering]

Z: Yo! Jack!

JACK: Ugh, go back to bed, ween water. What is it? What could be so important that—

Z: We can't stay here, man. We can't keep this up.

JACK: Well, what about Zedarnda, I don't wanna let that pretty chance go to waste.

Z: We can kidnap her or something, it won't be the worst thing we've ever done.

JACK: That's horrible, dude.

Z: You're right, we should just go.

JACK: Yeah, I guess there's plenty other space girls out there. Let's put some booty in our pockets and skedaddle.

[They get up to carefully steal some stuff]

[Enter Zedarnda 😏]

ZEDARNDA (in a just-woke-up kinda voice): Hey, what are you guys doing?

Z: Uh, all this stuff just…. sprouted angelic wings and flew into our pockets–

JACK: No. Listen, lassy… This is gonna be a lot to take in… But we're actually pirates.

ZEDARNDA: Pirates, like, space pirates?

JACK: Yeah. And we're looking for an Ultimate Element, located at the tail end of the cosmos. That pirate ship back there IS ours, and it took 2 months to build.

ZEDARNDA: So that's why you were thievin' and all that stuff?

Z: We prefer "plundering," but yeah.

ZEDARNDA: Oh my god… can I join your crew?

Z: Up next… "The Void Arc!"

[OUTRO (the second half of "Fighter" by Jack Stauber]