LEGO Shrek: The Video Game/Transcript

Level 1 - Shrek's Swamp

 * {Opening Cutscene}
 * Shrek: Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of -
 * {Opening the door, then "The Perfect King" Music Score started}
 * Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it!
 * Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?
 * Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.
 * Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant.
 * {Shrek Roaring, then Villager ran away while Shrek roaring ends}
 * Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures.
 * {Shrek got bumped by Donkey who ran away from Captain of the Guards of Dulock}
 * Shrek: Hey! Watch where you going!
 * Donkey: Oh man, You gonna hide me, please? I won't be stubborn again. I can change!
 * Shrek: Oh come on now, Take a look at me. What am I?
 * Donkey: Uh-- Really tall?
 * Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?
 * Donkey: Nope.
 * Shrek: Really?
 * Donkey: Really, really.
 * Shrek: Oh.
 * {Donkey saws Captain of the Guards is coming, Hide behind Shrek}
 * Captain: You there. Ogre!
 * Shrek: Aye?
 * Captain: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility.
 * Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army?
 * {Guards surrounded Shrek and Donkey in his Swamp}
 * Shrek: {sigh} That's just great. I guess we can do the hard way!
 * {end of opening cutscene, beginning the first level}
 * Captain: Face it, Ogre, You are both under arrest, and that's all.
 * Shrek: Oh, is that true? because nobody messing with my swamp!
 * {after fighting the guards}
 * Donkey: Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, then bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
 * Shrek: Oh, that's great. Really.
 * {before Boss battle starts}
 * Captain: This is your last chance. My big guard will haunt you down both of you.
 * Shrek: Uh oh, look like the big one.
 * Donkey: I know, and I'm scared!
 * Shrek: Alright, Big Guy, Bring it on!
 * {after defeated the boss battle}
 * Captain: Oh, this can't be good.
 * Shrek: Hey Captain! [Whispers] This is the part where you run away.
 * {Captain ran away back to Duloc}
 * Donkey: [Chuckles] Man, it's good to be free.
 * Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
 * Donkey: Yeah I'll stick with you.
 * Shrek: {Sigh}
 * Donkey: What's your name?
 * Shrek: Uh, Shrek.
 * {Shrek and Donkey walk back home, after Score result, Cutscene: Creatures in the Swamp}
 * Donkey: Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to like in a place like that?
 * Shrek: That would be my home.
 * Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. Can I stay with you?
 * Shrek: Uh, what?
 * Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?
 * Shrek: Of course!
 * Donkey: Really?
 * Shrek: No.
 * Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
 * Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only.
 * Donkey: Ah! Thank you!
 * Shrek: What are you—No! No! Oh!
 * Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep?
 * Shrek: Outside!
 * Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. [Sniffles] Here I go. Good night. [Sighs] I mean, I do like the outdoors, and why are those creatures doing in his swamp.
 * Shrek: What!?!
 * {Shrek open the door quickly, then he realize that creatures in his swamp: Lord of the Rings Characters, Harry Potter Characters, DreamWorks Characters (Except for Poppy and Branch for Shrek The Third Level), VeggieTales Fairy Tales Creatures (Pistachio, Snooderella, Sweet Pea Beauty, Seven Peas, Mirabelle, and Mr. Beet) and other Fairy Tales Creatures (Removed other DreamWorks Fairy Tales Creatures Due to Disney owned the Characters rights of Pinocchio, Three Little Pigs, The Big Bad Wolf, Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Rapunzel, Captain Hook, The Evil Queen, The Puppet Master, Little Red Riding Hood, Ariel, Seven Dwarfs, Peter Pan, Tinker Bell, and Wendy Darling)
 * Shrek: Oh, no. Oh, no.
 * Donkey: Hey, look at me. I didn't invite them.
 * Pistachio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
 * Shrek: What?
 * Pistachio: We were forced to come here.
 * Shrek: By who?
 * Donkey: Lord Farquaad. He signed an eviction notice.
 * Shrek: [Sighs] All right. Attention all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from!
 * [Cheering]
 * Shrek: You! You're comin' with me.
 * Donkey: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. I love it!
 * {after another cutscene ends}
 * Donkey: I can't wait to get the fairytales creature back to beloved home.
 * Shrek: Oh, that's great. and after saving my swamp, will you please leave me alone?!
 * Donkey: Okay fine, Mr. Scary Ogre, I'll leave you alone after the big-city adventure.

Level 2 - Duloc

 * {Cutscene: Lord Farquaad}
 * Farquaad: [Laughing] [Clears Throat] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!
 * Gingy: You're a monster.
 * {Gingy spit on Farquaad, then Door Opens}
 * Captain: My lord! We found it.
 * Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
 * {Captian put the mirror on the wall, then pull the carpet}
 * Gingy: Oh!
 * Farquaad: Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect king of all?
 * Mirror: Well, technically you're not a king. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.
 * Farquaad: Go on.
 * Mirror: She is a fiery redhead, from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona!
 * Farquaad: Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go--
 * Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
 * Farquaad: I'll do it.
 * Mirror: Yes, but after sunset.
 * Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.
 * Gingy: Don't tell him anything!
 * {Farquaad pressing the eject button on Gingy}
 * Gingy: No! [Gingerbread Man Whimpers]
 * {Gingy slam on the tree}
 * Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it.
 * Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
 * Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place.
 * Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [Laughs]
 * Donkey: [Groans] Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
 * {after Cutscene ends, Level 2 Started}
 * Shrek: This is the place can taller.
 * Donkey: Yeah. Way taller. We're gonna find Farquaad and restored your swamp.
 * Shrek: Yeah. Hey, you! Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just—I just-- {sigh}
 * Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?
 * {after pressing the button about Welcome to Duloc instermental}
 * Donkey: Hey, look at this! It's the cute wooden Duloc People.
 * Shrek: Oh, that's cute.. and ANNOYING! Let's not do that again.
 * {after enter the Duloc castle}
 * Farquaad: Brave Knights. That champion shall have the honor—no, no—the privilege, to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona, from the fiery keep of the dragon. Let the tournament begin!
 * [Cheering]
 * [Gasps]
 * Farquaad: What is that?
 * [Gasping]
 * Farquaad: It's hideous!
 * Shrek: Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
 * Donkey: Huh?
 * Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!
 * Shrek: Can't we just settle this over a pint? No? All right then. Come on!
 * {Battle started}
 * Shrek: Alright, Donkey, we can climb on that big barrel.
 * Donkey: Are you share?
 * Shrek: Yes. Really Really.
 * Donkey: Okay, I guess We're gonna climb on the big barrel.
 * {after Donkey and Shrek climb the big barrel and rolling down on Knights}
 * Shrek: Keep rolling and flat like a paper. I'm rolling rolling rolling rolling.
 * Donkey: Ah! I don't want to get fall! I don't want to get fall!
 * {after Big Rolling Barrel ends, Wrestling begins}
 * Shrek: Okay, Bring it on Knights!
 * {after defeated the enemies, boss approaches}
 * Shrek: Oh, it's you again.
 * {after defeated the boss battle}
 * [Bell Dings]
 * [Cheering]
 * Shrek: [Laughs] Oh, yeah! Thank you! Thank you very much! Ha, ha!
 * [Shrek Laughs]
 * [Crowd Gasping, Murmuring]
 * Guard 9: Shall I give the order, sir?
 * Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of Duloc, I give you our champion!
 * Shrek: What?
 * Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You've won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.
 * Shrek: Quest? I'm already on a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.
 * Farquaad: Your swamp?
 * Shrek: Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!
 * [Crowd Murmuring]
 * Farquaad: Indeed. All right, ogre, I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
 * Shrek: What kind of quest?
 * {after Score Result, Shrek and Donkey walk to castle}
 * Shrek: Alight Donkey, We can go find the princess, then he can bring back my swamp.
 * Donkey: That's the way the good thing, but how far?
 * Shrek: Very far.

Level 3 - Dragon
To Be Continued...
 * {after reached level 3, Cutscene: Dragon's castle}
 * Donkey: Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon, and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
 * Shrek: Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
 * Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
 * Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
 * Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no.
 * {Shrek and Donkey saw the castle}
 * Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. [Laughing]
 * Shrek: Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
 * Donkey: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable being on a rickety over a boiling lake of lava!
 * Shrek: Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay?
 * Donkey: Really?
 * Shrek: Really, really.
 * Donkey: Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
 * Shrek: Just keep moving. And don't look down.
 * Donkey: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. [Gasps] Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now, please!
 * Shrek: Come on. Let's have a dance then, shall we?
 * Donkey: [Screams] No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
 * Shrek: You said do it! I'm doin' it.
 * Donkey: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!
 * Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
 * Donkey: Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
 * Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
 * Donkey: [Chuckles] I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
 * {after cutscene ends}
 * [Water Dripping and Wind Howling]
 * Donkey: [Donkey Whispering] You afraid?
 * Shrek: No, The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
 * Donkey: What makes it you think she'll be there?
 * Shrek: I read it in a book once.
 * Donkey: Cool.
 * {after reach the boss battle}
 * Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the--
 * Donkey: Dragon!
 * Shrek: Donkey, look out! Alright, Dragon, bring it on.
 * {after defeat the 1st boss battle Dragon}
 * Shrek: Got ya!
 * Dragon: [Roars]
 * {Dragon's Tail swinging on Shrek and let him go}
 * Shrek: [Shouts] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Screaming]
 * Donkey: No. Oh, no. No! [Screams] Oh, what large teeth you have.
 * [Growls]
 * Donkey: I mean, I mean, white sparkling teeth. And do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're—You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon.