Captain Cole/Transcript

This is the transcript to Captain Cole.

Part 1: Cole the shoplifter!
* After the opening logos and opening credits, we see a man named Cole running to a drug store.*

Cole: Man, I am really in the mood for a pack of cigarettes right now!

* Cole runs inside the drug store and takes a pack of cigarettes to the clerk.*

Clerk: That would be 3 bucks.

Cole: Dammit! I forgot my wallet. Uhh... do you accept this?

* Cole hands the clerk three Canadian dollars. The clerk rejects it.*

Clerk: Um, dude. This is America, not Canada.

Cole: Well, uh...

* Cole runs out the store. The clerk chases Cole.*

Clerk: Hey, get back here, ya punk!

* Cole runs outside the store, with the clerk not close behind him.*

Clerk: Hey! Shoplifter!

* The cops notice what's going on and they track down Cole. Cole runs away from them, but eventually Cole gets cornered by two police cars.*

C. Op: Bring this jerk with us.

* C. Op and the other police men seize Cole. They take him to the police car and begin driving to the prison.

Cole: Hey, uhh... what's your name?

C. Op: Shut up. You know what you did, squirt.

Cole: Right... can we stop and get some ice cream?

C. Op: No.

Cole: Aww man!

* The police car eventually arrives at the prison. C. Op takes Cole to the prison and shows him his jail cell.*

Cole: This is disgusting! The toilet is out in the open!

C. Op: That's what they all say. Now Cole, we're gonna do this either the easy way, or the hard way. Get in the cell, and we won't have a problem. Don't get in the cell, and we do have a problem. Alright?

Cole: Alright.

Part 2: Meeting up with the other criminals!
Cole: So this is prison.

* Cole meets up with the other criminals.*

Mike: Look guys. We got ourselves a wiener.

* The criminals laugh at Cole.*

Cole: Perhaps we haven't met before. I'm Cole, and I'm new here. Can you show me around?

Mike: First I gotta break wind.

* Mike lets out a really long fart. The other criminals laugh, Cole is disturbed.*

Cole: Hey? Can you stop that?

Mike: Shut up, ya sensitive jackass.

Cole: I've had it with you.

* Cole punches Mike. Mike gets mad and punches Cole back, sending him flying across the room. The other prisoners yet out a really long "OHHHHH!!!!" and laugh at Cole.*

Cole: I gotta take down those dicks.

* A girl named Kelly walks over to Cole.*

Kelly: You alright there?

Cole: Hey, whoa whoa whoa... you're looking sexy today, missie.

* Kelly slaps Cole.*

Cole: Ow!

Kelly: I'm Kelly.

Cole: Hi. I'm Cole. I gotta get out of this shit show. Can you help me?

Kelly: I can't help you.

Cole: Why not?

Kelly: There is no escape.

Cole: Ugh. So that means I have to be in prison for the rest of my time with those jerks.

Kelly: Yeah. Them. They are rotten, rancid, retarded rascals.

Cole: Nice alliteration there.

Part 3: Dinner Time!
Coming soon!