Peter's Ghostbusters

''Scene: Library Basement. A Librarian is putting books into place. Without her noticing, books begin to fly off the shelves, and papers go everywhere. The Librarian turns a corner and screams as she sees something off screen.''

Title Sequence.

News Reporter: The topic at the moment: Ghosts and Ghost-busting. After the scene at the Sedgewick Hotel, the thought…

Reporter on street.

Reporter: …as my father did when he told ghost stories around the campfire. But now, like a strange phenomenon…

''Peter being viewed.''

Peter: Twenty-four hours a day, seven weeks a month, no job is too big, no ghost is too big…

''Kai exits a cafe with a ghost trap.''

Kai: I got it! I got… Arrami? PETER!

''Scene: Cafe. Tallas walks in, all sweaty.''

Tallas: I want something to eat.

Waitress: What would you like? Tallas: ANYTHING as long as it has a duck in it.

Arrami on a tonight show with Jimmy Fallon.

Jimmy Fallon: I’m sure there is one question on everybody’s mind, and I think you are the man to answer it. How is Elvis, and have you seen him lately?

''Arrami pauses and thinks.''

Arrami: You’re really more of a seventies guy, aren’t you?

''Scene: Mollie’s apartment. Mollie is listening to radio.''

Radio Guy: After defeating the poltergeist, the Ghostbusters stayed to dance the night away with some of the lovely ladies of the club.

Montage ends.

''Scene: Ghostbusters institute. Peter enters putting jam on bread.''

Peter: Jam jam jam. I’m making jam, putting it on bread.

Peter takes a bite.

Peter: Blah!

''Peter throws Jam onto roof, where it sticks. Kai walks in with Arrami. They’re covered with slime and dirt.''

Kai: You don’t look good.

Arrami: I don’t?

Kai: Well, you’ve looked better.

Peter enters.

Peter: Are there any spare power outlets to charge my pack with?

Kai: Sorry, Tallas used them all for his toasters.

''Scene: Kitchen. Tallas is surrounded by toasters, which all pop up toast at the same time.''

Tallas: Toast toast.

''Scene: Ghostbusters institute. Jacky is filing her nails at her desk when Harriet comes it.''

Jacky: Ghostbusters, what do you want?

Harriet: I need to see your boss.

Jacky looks up.

Jacky: PETER!

''Peter smashes through window.''

Peter: Yo, Jacky, what up?

Jacky: Peter, I am tired of replacing that window.

Peter: Nobody cares! ''He looks at Harriet, and his smile falters.''

Peter: Who the heck are you?

Harriet glares at Peter.

Jacky: Well, I believe it is time for my break!

''Jacky speed walks away. Peter and Harriet stay staring at each other.''

Harriet: Maybe we should go into your office.

Jam bread falls on Peter’s head.

Peter: Good idea.

''Scene: Outside. Jacky is walking away from institute.''

Jack: Hey, Jacky!

Jacky: Oh, hey, Jack!

Jack: Hi, um…

Jacky: What?

Jack is lost for words.

Jacky: What? Jack: Um, I was sort of… wondering whether or not you would… um…

Jacky: Oh, sure!

Jack: What?

Jacky: I mean, yeah, I’ll go on a date with you!

Jack: What? No, I was going to ask if you could convince the Ghostbusters to let me join their team!

Jacky: Ahhh…

''Scene: Ghostbusters institute. Peter is talking with Harriet at his desk.''

Peter: So, what can we do for you, miss…

Harriet: Palmer. Harriet Palmer. Head of the E.P.A. Peter: E… P… Epa? Harriet: NO! The E.P.A. Stands for the Enviromental Protection Agency. And your institute has been sending a lot of dangerous radiation out into the city-

Peter: Hey, did you know that E.P.A. backwards spells APE?

Harriet: Whatever. The point is, I think you guys are hoaxing this.

Kai, Tallas and Arrami run in.

Team: WHAT?

Harriet: I think you’re only in it for the money.

Peter: We are not!

Tallas: Well, I was…

Arrami: Ah-ah-ah! Quite right, Peter! After all…

Who wants to be a Millionare starts.

Arrami: Who wants to be a millionaire?

Tallas: I do- DON’T! Arrami: Have flashy flunkies everywhere?

Kai: I do- DON’T!

Arrami: Who wants the bother of a country estate?

Peter: A country estate?

Kai: That’s something I’d hate!

Arrami: Who wants to wallow in champagne? Tallas: I don’t.

Arrami: Who wants a supersonic plane?

Peter: I don’t.

Arrami: Who wants a private landing field too?

Peter/Kai/Tallas: I DON’T!

Arrami: And I don’t!

Team: ‘CAUSE ALL I WANT IS YOU!

''Song ends. Jacky enters with Jack. Kai, Tallas and Arrami exit.''

Jacky: Peter? Jack would like to join the Ghostbusters.

Peter: Good, you’re in. Peter Hodges, head of the Ghostbusters institute. Jack: Coffee?

Peter: Here.

''Peter gives Jack coffee. Jack drinks.''

Jack: ****! Jack runs away.

Peter: Phew! (clears throat) Now, Harold, what can I do for yo- oh she’s gone.

''Scene: City Square. Mollie is talking with Jack.''

Jack: So the guy at the pizza place says, “I’m sorry, but that vehicle is for employees only.” So I remind him that I’m an employee, and he fires me on the spot!

Mollie: Uh-huh.

''Jack keeps babbling on. Mollie sees Peter, disco dancing by the fountain.''

Mollie: Uh, Jack, would you mind if I-

Jack: Got it! I’ll use my own bike, then cover it with cardboard! Simple yet cheap!

''Jack runs away. Mollie walks over to Peter.''

Mollie: Hiiii! Peter: Oh, hello, Mary!

Mollie: Mollie.

Peter: Oh, sorry. I’m terrible with names.

Mollie: Uh-huh. Look, I’m sorry I stormed out on you guys last time.

Peter: Apology accepted, Millie! Mollie: Mollie. Anyway, I was wondering if you could help me with my problem.

Peter: Well, I’ve been doing some reasearch on that!

Mollie: You have?

Peter pulls out a piece of paper.

Peter: When a fridge, cupboard, or any other kitchen object reveals a pathway to another dimension, it is normally created by the legendary Gozer the Gozarian. Gozer uses supernatural forces to create a rift… what’s that word? Mollie looks at paper.

Mollie: Between.

Peter: Between the ghost world and the reality world.

Mollie: But what does it mean?

Peter: Um… I’m working on that!

Mollie: Riiiiight. Well, I guess I’ll see you around.

As Mollie starts to leave, Peter is thinking.

Peter’s Thoughts: Come on, Peter! This is the moment. Don’t mess up!

Peter: Blurf.

Peter slaps himself.

''Scene: City streets. Arrami and Tallas are driving in Ecto-1.''

Arrami: It’s weird, you never see any cars on this street.

Tallas: Arrami, this is a low budget film, we’re in a go-cart with cardboard on it, and we’re both around eleven years old, do you really think we’d be driving on a freeway?

They crash, and Ecto-1’s alarm goes off.

Tallas: Also, we don’t have a working car.

''Scene: Ghostbusters institute. Harriet walks in with two officers. Jacky looks up with coffee maker in hand.''

Harriet: Cease and desist all commerce order. Seizure of premises and chattels. Ban on the use of public utilities for non-licenced and a federal entry and inspection order.

Jacky stares at them, confused.

Jacky: Would you like some coffee?

Harriet growls.

''Scene: Ghostbusters Basement. Peter and Kai are fighting Harriet and one of her officers.''

Peter: That thing holds all the ghosts, if you shut it down, we won’t be held responsible!

Harriet: On the contrary, you will be held responsible.

Peter: No, we won’t be held responsible!

Harriet: SHUT IT DOWN!

''Jacky and second officer are watching from ghost casket while drinking coffee.''

Jacky: I’ve quit better jobs than this.

Officer: I’ve never seen anything like this before- WHOA!

''Second Officer leans on the ghost casket lever and it pulls down. It explodes, and hundreds of ghosts escape. Peter, Kai, Harriet, Jacky and the two officers are on the ground. Arrami and Tallas run into the room.''

Arrami: What happened? The car broke so we had to-

Peter: They pulled the lever!

Tallas: Oh. Oh no.

Ghosts attack the city.

Kai: Come on, guys. Let’s suit up!

Harriet: Oh no, you don’t! Officers! Arrest these men!

Tallas: We’ll see about that! ''Tallas searches his pockets, and pulls out a twenty dollar note. The officers stare at it, dumbstruck.''

Tallas: One moment!

''Tallas points at Harriet, and the officers understand. They jump on Harriet, keeping her down.''

Harriet: WHY YOU LITTLE-

Tallas: Ok, now we go.

''Team suits up. They run into battle.''

Peter: So, where are these ghosts? ''Team turns a corner, and sees the ghosts wreaking havoc.''

Arrami: Oh, there they are!

Kai: Ok, guys! Let’s get them! ''Team runs towards the ghosts, who notice them and fly towards them.''

''Scene: Ghostbusters Institute. Jack walks around the place.''

Jack: Peter? Arrami? Anyone?

Jack sees the destroyed basement.

Jack: Uh-oh.

''Jack goes back up, and sees a spare uniform with a proton pack on top on a table. There is a note stuck to it.''

Jack: “Jack, please put the spare suit and pack in the washing machine. Also, when you activate the machine, there is no earthquake. Jacky.” Hm. I wonder what she means with all those X’s and O’s?

Jack looks out a window, and sees the ghosts attacking the city.

Jack: Hmm… maybe I’ll put them to better use…

''Scene: City street. Team is fighting ghosts. Peter uses the Blast Glove to take out the ghosts.''

Peter: Booyah! Take that, ghost!

''Kai is using proton chainsaw to take down the ghosts. Tallas is using the ghost traps. At one point, he is about to throw one, but an archer ghost appears behind him and shoots an arrow at the grenade. It explodes before Tallas can throw it. Several ghosts get sucked over and land on Tallas.''

Tallas: Well. This is embarrassing.

''Tallas activates his proton pack and gets blasted away. Meanwhile, Arrami is trying to shoot his proton blaster at ghosts, but keeps missing and gets cornered into a wall.''

Arrami: Ha! Silly me. I forgot my special toys!

''Arrami pulls the dual blasters out of his pockets. Remember the dual blasters? The ones he stole while Kai was explaining to Peter how to use the blast glove?''

Arrami: Take this, ghosts.

''Arrami disintegrates the ghosts with the blasters in super slow motion. Once he finishes, Slimer appears. He flies at Kai.''

Kai: Oh, not YOU again!

Kai throws a ghost trap at Slimer and activates it.

Slimer: Oh no, not agaaaaaaaaain!

Slimer gets trapped.

Kai: Boom. Let’s move on, shall we? ''Scene: New street. Tallas rams into a cake store. The Store Owner is shouting out for customers, oblivious of the ghosts.''

''Scene: Pizza store. Garage opens, and Jack is suited up and on the motorcycle, which is… just a bike.''

Jack: What, you really thought we’d go as far as to use a real motorcycle?

Jack rides away.

Jack: Good god, this thing is heavy.

''Scene: Alleyway. Kai stops in front of a bin, alert. A giant ghost exits the bin and grabs Kai, pulling him into the bin. There is a fight, scuffling and a burp is heard, and Kai exits, unharmed. He sighs, and a ghostly mist comes out of his mouth.''

''Scene: Street. Arrami turns a corner and sees ghosts dancing to Pokerface.''

Arrami: I love this song!

''Arrami joins in. The ghosts notice him and try to attack. Arrami disintegrates them with his dual blasters.''

Arrami: Can’t read my, can’t read my, no you can’t read my poker- WHOA!

Arrami gets pulled away by Peter.

''Scene: Lake Burley Griffin. The team are rowing across in a rowboat.''

Peter: Why couldn’t we have just taken the bridge?

Arrami: Because bridges are for cars, and we don’t have ours with us.

Peter: Good point.

Tallas: Look! LOOK! PRIME MINISTER!

A snorkel is seen skimming through the water.

Kai: Ahoy, there, Prime Minister! What can we do for you?

Bubbles can be seen coming out of water.

Prime Minister: Blublublublublublublub.

Kai: I beg your pardon?

''Kai dunks his head in the water. After a few seconds, Kai emerges.''

Kai: He says all the ghosts are coming from spook central.

''Team looks at Spook Central. A green glow is on top.''

Tallas: Now why didn’t we notice that before?

Arrami: What do you think is up there?

Peter: Something we gotta get rid of. Let’s go!

Kai: Thank you, Prime Minister!

''Scene: Mollie’s apartment. Mollie is in kitchen, watching the ghosts attack the city.''

Mollie: Hmm… maybe if I try and get rid of the portal.

''Scene: Staircases. Team is climbing up staircases.''

Arrami: Where are we?

Tallas: Somewhere in the teens.

Peter: Tell me when we reach level twenty, I’m going to throw up.

''Scene: Mollie’s apartment. Mollie opens her fridge. The portal is still there.''

Mollie: Oh, for- would you please leave?

A ghost floats up to her and opens a pizza box.

Mollie: Well… (takes a soda from the fridge) Ok.

''Scene: Outside Spook Central. Crowd is watching green light of roof.''

Jack: Excuse me! Coming through! Official Ghostbusters business! ''Jack tries to get in, but gets blocked by the giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.''

Civilian 1: No!

Civilian 2: It can’t be!

Civilian 3: It’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!

Jack: The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?

Civilian 2: Yeah, it’s tradition for everything involving Ghostbusters to include the Marshmallow Man.

Jack: Oh.

''Hallelujah song starts. Jack faces Stay Puft with a greedy look on his face. Stay Puft looks worried as Jack jumps onto him and starts eating.''

Stay Puft: NOOO! I’LL GIVE YOU CAVITIES!

''Scene: Rooftop of Spook Central. Team walks towards a portal on top.''

Peter: This is where all the ghosts are coming from.

Kai: Well, now what?

Arrami: Blast it!

''Team activates proton packs. They are about to shoot when a paper document flies past and gives them all paper cuts.''

Team: OW! Tallas: Paper cut!

Team turns around and sees Harriet on the roof.

Harriet: Hello, Ghostbusters.

Peter: HARRIET?

''Scene: Lower Floor of Spook Central. Jack turns a corner, running.''

Jack: Don’t worry, guys, I’m coming-

''Jack gets slime puked on him by several ghosts. Jack licks the slime on his lip.''

Jack: Raspberry? (pulls out proton pack) YOU DARE GIVE ME RASPBERRY?!

''Jack blasts the roof with his proton pack. It comes down onto the ghosts, crushing them.''

Jack: Next time, give me lime.

Jack steps over the rubble.

Harriet: I didn’t think you would make it this far. I expected my ghosts to be too much for you.

Arrami: Your ghosts- It was YOU?

Harriet: Yes. I suppose you need an explanation?

Team: Yes.

Harriet: Very well. My plan was to let the undead of my world take over yours. First, I needed to know how to summon my old servants. So I sent the ghost of my mother to research it.

Kai: The Librarian Ghost.

Harriet: Then, after I activated the portal, I learned that I needed a LOT of electricity to let the ghosts out. And where better to get electricity than the Grand Central Station? So I sent my father to take care of that

Tallas: The Electricity Ghost.

Harriet: Then, after the ghosts got out, they needed to be fed. So I sent my… I don’t know what that was… to collect enough food for all of them. At the Sedgewick Hotel.

Arrami: The- uh- Slimer.

Harriet: Yes. But then YOU got in the way. You were taking out more ghosts than what I could throw at you. So then I decided to go after you myself.

Peter: Well, that explains everything. So who are you really?

Harriet: In my world… I am known as Gozer.

Peter: Gozer the Gozerian?

Harriet: Exactly the same.

Tallas: Gozer… the Gozerian? That sounds ridiculous!

Harriet: Shut up. And now, now the portal to my world has opened, (gestures to portal) I will now kill you. PERSONALLY.

''Harriet shoots a bolt of lightning at the team. They duck out of the way. Harriet keeps shooting lightning at them.''

Tallas: Well, look on the bright side. We’re going to be the first people in the world to get murdered by a phantom accountant.

Kai: Ok, guys. Let’s do this… (pushes Arrami towards Harriet) Go get her, Arrami!

Arrami: WHAT?

Kai: You’re right, it is fun!

''Harriet hits Arrami with a bolt. The bolt wraps around him, and he gets thrown around.''

Peter: Don’t worry, Arrami! I’m coming!

Kai pulls Peter behind a rock.

Kai: Oh, come on, Peter.

Peter: Kai, we can’t just leave him! I mean, I know you don’t like him-

Kai: That has nothing to do with it! I was thinking of the insurance.

Peter: I- how much?

Kai: Fifty-thousand.

Peter: FIFTY-THOUSAND? Well, why didn’t you just say-

Arrami runs over.

Arrami: I made it!

Peter/Kai: Get back out there!

''Harriet shoots another bolt at the rock, causing it to explode. Tallas moves the others behind another rock.''

Arrami: God, this is worse than that duck duck goose game we had on Peter’s birthday!

''Flashback Scene: Peter’s Birthday party. Peter, Tallas, Mollie, Kai, Jack, Jacky and Arrami is there playing duck duck goose.''

Peter: Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck…

Peter pauses at Arrami.

Peter: Duck.

Peter continues.

Peter: Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck…

Peter pauses at Jack.

Peter: Duck.

Peter continues.

Peter: Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck…

Peter pauses at a goose.

Peter: Duck.

Peter continues.

Peter’s Thoughts: What was that other word?

''Scene: Spook Central rooftops. Team is crouching behind a rock.''

Peter: Ok, team. We’re going to have to take her out.

Tallas: But how? Kai: I have an idea. It’s dangerous, and we’ll probably die.

Arrami: What?

Kai: We cross the streams.

Peter: I thought crossing the streams was bad?

Arrami: If we cross the streams, we might destroy the entire universe, or make fifty Donald Trumps appear! Personally, I’d rather the universe was destroyed.

Kai: Not necessarily. There is a small chance we’ll survive.

Tallas: About an eight percent chance, right?

Kai: Eight is a little high… but sure!

Peter: Then let’s do it! Team: YEAH!

The team aims their proton blasters at Harriet.

Harriet: What are you doing? Team activates proton packs.

Harriet: Stop! NO!

Team blasts at Harriet, and cross the streams.

Harriet: YAAH!

Kai: IT’S NOT ENOUGH!

Peter: WE NEED ONE MORE!

''Suddenly, another blaster joins the streams. The team turns to see Jack.''

Tallas: JACK?

Arrami: LET ME GUESS… TOO MUCH COFFEE AGAIN?

Jack: NO TIME TO SWEAR! JUST KEEP SHOOTING!

''The team keeps shooting. Harriet begins to explode.''

Peter: DON’T STOP NOW!

''Harriet explodes in an orange light. The team ducks for cover as the explosion destroys the portal. The ghosts in the city all disappear. All is quiet. Then, the team emerge from a load of rubble.''

Jack: Did we win?

''Suddenly, a door appears from nowhere, and Mollie exits from it with a pizza box. The door then disappears.''

Peter: Mollie!

Mollie: Wha- What happened?

Kai: Oh, you see, we stopped a million ghosts from destroying the world, found that a phantom was hiding in a fake lawyer, and I clogged the toilet on the fifteenth floor.

Mollie: Those ghosts were horrible. (Bites a pizza slice) But they sure had good pizza.

The group turns and see the portal, still activated.

Kai: The portal’s not stopping! We need to clog it up!

Tallas: With what?

Arrami: Don’t you have anything?

Tallas: I’ve got this.

''Tallas tries to pull out a pole. Peter helps, and it turns out it’s a British flag.''

Peter: Well, at least you bought something useful.

''Peter goes into a salute with the flag as the British National Anthem is played in the background. Arrami pushes Peter away.''

Arrami: Peter- Peter, we’re Aussies here.

Jacky drives in with Ecto-1.

Jacky: Hi, guys! Arrami: How did you get up the stairs OF COURSE THE ELEVATOR!

''Group pushes Ecto-1 into the portal. The portal sparks, then blasts into nothingness.''

Peter: We did it!

Group: YAY!

Group looks at the wreckage of Spook Central.

Jack: Wow, the superintendent’s gonna be pissed.

''Scene: Outside Spook Central. Peter, Mollie, Kai, Jack, Jacky, Arrami and Tallas exit as people cheer them on. As a photographer takes photos of them, Slimer appears in one, then flies of into the sunset.''