Jay and Silent Bob Into the Crossverse/Transcript

Transcript
Miramax

Dimension Films

Gramercy Pictures

SModcast Pictures

The Weinstein Company

View Askewniverse

Bert Bunny's residence

(Bert Bunny is watching TV and drinking a beer. There's a shadow lurking around the house, and then Bert Bunny thinks he hears someone and turns around to look out the window. He doesn't see anything, so he shrugs his shoulders and goes back to watching his show. Then, a hooded figure breaks in and attacks Bert Bunny.)

Six months later

(A bird is flying peacefully through the sky and hits on the sign saying "Welcome to Ficville". It fades to Jay and Silent Bob selling weed at the Kwik-E-Mart.)

Jay: You wanna get hiiigh? Come see your pals Jay and Silent Bob! Only $20 to party. *to Silent Bob* I gotta feeling this would be a good place, Silent Bob. We'll be raking in the dough.

Silent Bob: *nods*

Otto: *walks up* Hey, Otto needs to get blotto.

Jay: You've come to the right place. $20.

Otto: Sweet! *hands him $20*

Jay: *hands him a bag of weed*

Otto: Pleasure doing business, man.

Jay: See ya next time.

Otto: *leaves*

Jay: I can't believe Bert Bunny was murdered, man. That's messed up.

Silent Bob: *hangs his head and shakes*

Jay: We gotta find out who killed him.

Police-Agency Headquarters

(Chief Malone is discussing the murders of innocent people.)

Chief Malone: One of the hardest parts of this job is seeing the murder of innocent people.

Chief Wiggum: Bert Bunny was a person? What? Was he wearing a costume?

Chief Malone: Toons are people too.

Chief Wiggum: Ah.

Chief Malone: I suspect Clint Crow is behind this.

Cops and Agents: *gasps*

Officer Earl: Yes, of course it's Crow!

Carter: That no good, raggedy son of a...

Farva: Let's go get that bastard!

Chief Malone: Everybody, settle down. We're gonna get him, but we're not going out there blind. We need... a plan, a strategy. We need... bounty hunters.

Chief Wiggum: Uh, who again?

Quick Stop

(Jay and Silent Bob are walking down the sidewalk and enter the Quick Stop.)

Dante: *notices Jay and Silent Bob* I'm not really not in the mood to deal with these two today.

Randal: Oh great, it's these two idiots.

Dante: What do you guys want?

Jay: We're here for some snacks. We got the munchies. *to Silent Bob* Okay, Lunchbox, get the things we need.

Silent Bob: *nods and goes off into an aisle*

Dante: You better not stealing anything.

Jay: How dare you accuse us of thievery. We'll take our business elsewhere. Come on, Silent Bob.

Jay and Silent Bob: *goes outside*

Silent Bob: *pulls out a stash of snacks out of his coat*

Dante: I'm not even supposed to be here today.

Jay: Jay and Silent Bob are at the Quick Stop today! We got what you want so come and get it.

Harold and Kumar: *walks towards Jay and Silent Bob*

Kumar: Hey dudes, long time no see.

Jay: Harold, Kumar! What up, dogs?

Silent Bob and Kumar: *does a fancy handshake*

Kumar: Yo! You got some, uh, sweet snacks.

Jay: Yeah, uh, Lunchbox here grabbed from the Quick Stop next. Trench coat discount.

Harold: Whatcha got?

Jay: Some chips, tasty cakes, pretzels, hot dogs, this tubby bitch got some nachos under there.

Silent Bob: *grins and nods*

Harold: Let's some of those tasty cakes and two hot dogs.

Jay: $7.

Harold: *hands Jay the money*

Silent Bob: *hands them the snacks*

Kumar: See ya guys around.

Jay: Catch ya later.

Clint Crow's mansion

(Inside the mansion, Clint Crow is watching Your Giant Horse until a Werebbid comes up to him.)

Werebbid: *in gibberish* The police suspect your involvement in Bert Bunny's death.

Clint Crow: And you're telling me this why? *smokes his cigar*

Werebbid: Mmhmm.

Clint Crow: They can suspect all they want. They need proof.

Werebbid: Huh?

Clint Crow: What are you, stupid? Get out of my face.

Werebbid: *leaves*

Clint Crow: *calls Heckle* See if you can find out what the Police-Agency knows.

Heckle: I'll get the bombs ready.

Clint Crow: I just need information. Why am I surrounded by idiots?

Heckle: If blew up a idiot, we'll be surrounded. *chuckles*

Clint Crow: Just go get me the information I need. *ends the call*

Police-Agency Headquarters

(The Police-Agency are talking about how terrifying the Soul Crusher is.)

Joe Swanson: That's not something you wanna mess with. The user turns into a demon.

Carter: Who uses that axe anyway?

Chief Malone: Metallicus.