The Squid War/Transcript

(A clock ticks while the Disney and Pixar Animation Studios logos are being shown)

("Disney Presents" text is shown while clock is ticking)

("A Pixar Animation Studios Film" text is shown while clock is ticking)

("The Squid War" text is shown while clock is ticking)

(The screens cuts to a therapy room that's silent for 8 seconds)

Sky: This is so stupid, why am I even here?

Dr. Brotato: Well Adam, may I call you Adam or Sky?

Sky: No, shut up.

Dr. Brotato: Well Adam, when you were found prancing around the street naked-

Sky: Without a shirt

Dr. Brotato:. . .crying about the impending evil squid invasion.

Sky: Also true

Dr. Brotato: Listen Adam, your friends, family, neighbors, and especially the authorities thought it was time you payed me a visit. It was either this or jail, and we all know you don't want to go back there.

Sky: No, not a another episode of Cops 'n Robbers please no!

Dr. Brotato: So Adam, let me ask you a question. When did this irrational fear begin? Take me back, back to the beginning.

Sky: The beginning. ..

Sky: Billions of years ago, the squids ruled over an ocean planet called Siluriana. Their sole purpose is to enslave the entire universe. For centuries, the squids waged wars upon the whole universe. They possessed technology that is far beyond anything other worlds had. The squids were winning, it seemed the end was near. But when all hope was lost, powerful warriors called the Butter Knights fought the squids back. After a long battle, the squids were defeated and forced to retreat back to where they came from. My family the Dahlbergs, were the most legendary Butter Knights in the history of the universe. Washington D.C. 1999, when I was a kid, my dad used to tell me stories about his adventures as a butter knight. I was in bed and that's when it happened.

(Sky hears laser gun sounds from downstairs. He walks down to see what it was. By the time he came down, he saw 2 squids who killed his parents. One of them sees him and fires his gun at him)

(The house explodes behind Sky after he escapes)

(Sky cries in pain)

Squid: Don't worry kid, you'll see your mom and dad, in the afterlife. Hahaha

(Sky heart beats faster as the squid keeps laughing)

Squid: Goodbye

(The squid shoots him in a Kill Bill style)

(Tiny particles build up the laser as it's being shot)

(The laser shoots out of the gun and Sky dodges the laser)

(Sky then kills him)

(Thunder booms)

Sky: And that was the first squid I had ever slayed. It was a shot heard around the world. Every man, woman and child took up arms and joined Sky Army in a perilous fight against our common enemy, the squids. At first it all went well, the squids were no match for our sword and shield, no ink sac could withstand the sheer force of our bows. It seemed as though the squids had been defeated. But then, the squids, they came back. I tried to compromise, yet they came and drove us, more powerful than ever before. They were no longer mere derp squids, they have evolved, they have become something sinister that do not abide by the laws of nature. There was no shelter, but they flew through our walls and destroyed everything we came to love, the horror, oh gosh the horror!

Dr. Brotato: (Sighs) But then. ..

Sky: But alas, a beacon of hope rested upon our horizon. We knew that there was a one way to defeat the squid overlord, we only the most powerful fighters came together and forged an unbreakable alliance, travelling to Siluriana. We took the fight to their doorstep, and extracted our revenge, but victory comes with a cost. We lost Jerome man, but nonetheless, we saved the world.

Dr. Brotato: Are you done?

Sky: I believe so yes.

Dr. Brotato: Adam, have you ever thought that perhaps this whole squid vendetta, is simply a product of your own subconscious.

Sky: Come again?

Dr. Brotato: Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe, the squid is part of who you are, the part of yourself you fear, the part you lock away deep down inside that you're afraid to embrace.

Sky: You better not be saying what I think you're saying doc.

Dr. Brotato: Ah, Adam, maybe squid and Sky aren't so different.

Sky: Doctor, are you. . .you saying I'm. . .I'm the squid?

(Frightening visions of Sky as a squid)

(Sky screams)

Sky: OH GOSH!!

Dr. Brotato: Adam! Adam are you okay?!

Sky: I simply can't believe what I'm hearing, it's preposterous!

(Adam pushes Dr. Brotato)

Dr. Brotato: You wanted to be an ice cream sandwich, didn't you?

Sky: No!

Dr. Brotato: But someone crushed that dream, they told you that it wasn't physically possible, didn't they?

Sky: No it's not true!

Dr. Brotato: Don't you see, the squid is the part of that is willing to try, to try to be that delicious, chocolatey treat. The squids do not abide by the laws of nature, they can fly, they can build towers with only tentacles, they can be ice cream sandwiches.

Sky: But the squids, the squids are evil they. . .they. ..

Dr. Brotato:. . .are the same us, Adam.

Sky: But that's not possible!

Dr. Brotato: You can be an ice cream sandwich, Adam.

Sky: No, I can't, it's not possible!

Dr. Brotato: If you can stop an army of squids, isn't anything possible.

Sky: Stop it!

Dr. Brotato: Adam, it's not your fault.

Sky: I know.

Dr. Brotato: No Adam, you don't understand, it's not your fault.

Sky: I know it's not.

Dr. Brotato: Adam, it's not your fault.

Sky: I've seen Good Will Hunting, I'm not falling for this!

Dr. Brotato: It's not your fault.

Sky: Stop it!

Dr. Brotato: It's not your fault.

Sky: I said stop it, get from me!

Dr. Brotato: Adam, it's not your fault.

(Sky runs up to Dr. Brotato and hugs him)

Sky: I just wanted to be an ice cream sandwich!

Dr. Brotato: It's okay, son.

Sky: (Sobs) Oh gosh why!

Dr. Brotato: You can be whatever you want. The squids were all just in your head. Don't you see, it's all right now, there's nothing to be afraid of. Shh shhhhhhh shhh it's okay.

(Sky leaves the rehabilitation center happily and peacefully)

(Sky takes a deep breath)

Sky: What a beautiful day to be alive.

Squid: Fell for the old "It's Not Your Fault" routine I see.

Sky: OH GOSH NO!!!

Squid: I'm a squid.

("The End" text is shown)

(End credits are shown)