Milo Goes to Military School

Milo Goes to Military School is a 2020 3D computer-animated short film starring the characters Milo, Thaddeus and Allias. The short was released theatrically with Allias : The Movie.

Cast

 * Michael J. Fox as Milo James Thatch
 * Christopher Lloyd as Thaddeus Thatch
 * Kevin Michael Richardson as Sergeant Allias "Tiberius" Salmon
 * Jacqueline Obradors as Audrey Ramirez
 * Seth MacFarlane as Student #1
 * Frank Welker as Toothless
 * America Ferrera as Astrid

Trivia

 * It takes place in the year 2007, but How to Train Your Dragon was released in 2010.

Transcript
Allias : You better run it 8 more times or I'm gonna whip you with this barbed wire.
 * (It is January 1, 2007, Milo James Thatch is sleeping and snoring like a pig. When all of a sudden, Allias Salmon came in, honking an air horn)
 * Allias : Wake up, soldier! It's time to go to Military School!
 * Milo: W-what?!
 * Thaddeus Thatch : (came in) See you in fifty-nine weeks, son and Ryan's the main antagonist! (punches Milo in the face and leaves)
 * Milo : Ow!
 * Allias : Out of bed! Out of bed! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
 * (The next scene takes place at the military field, where Milo James Thatch and the three other students are lined up)
 * Allias : Alright, maggots. I am Sergeant Allias Tiberius Salmon! But you'll just call me Master! Is that understood?
 * Student #1 : Yes, Master.
 * Allias : Well, not you. I don't really feel comfortable. How about everybody just call me Sergeant! Yeah! Okay, welcome to Military school! You are here, because your parents do not love you! Because you are worthless! Because the world would be a better place without you! You see that obstacle course over there? (the students looked at the obstacle course) I did NOT say look at that! Now you may look at it. (they look at it again) We're gonna be running that obstacle course 9 times, every single day! Is that understood? (they were all silent) Do you not know how to speak? When I asked you if that's understood, you say "Yes, sir!"! Is that understood?!
 * Milo : (puzzled) What?
 * Allias : Drop and give me 30 push-ups right now!
 * Milo : W-why I--
 * Allias : Every time you don't say "Yes, sir!", you get 30 push-ups!
 * Milo : You didn't tell me that before.
 * Allias : That's 50 push-ups!
 * Milo : But you didn't tell me that before.
 * Allias : That's 50 push-ups! Drop and give me 50 push-ups right now!
 * Milo : 50? You said 30!
 * Allias : You just earned yourself 90 push-ups! Is that understood?!
 * Milo : 90?!
 * Allias : 90 push-ups right now, or whole squad does push-ups!
 * (The next scene takes place with Audrey Ramirez holding a camera while being nude wearing a collar sitting on a toilet)
 * Audrey Ramirez : I don't wanna do it.
 * (Audrey urinates on the camera)
 * Audrey : Oh yeah that feels so good. I feel a baby coming out of me.
 * (She films the baby coming out of Audrey's vagina)
 * Audrey : Oh that's nice.
 * (then the scene cuts back to the Military school)
 * Milo : I would rather then do it with me.
 * Allias : Well, they're gonna hate you, they're gonna wanna beat you up! You do 90 push-ups right now!
 * Milo : Come on, guys. Do it with me.
 * Allias : You know what, just you! 90 push-ups! Get down! (puts Milo on the ground) Get down! Get the fuck down! You get down there and give me 90 push-ups right now!
 * Milo : I don't even know how to do a push-up.
 * Allias: You better learn, get down there!
 * Milo: Okay. (starts doing push-ups)
 * Allias : One, tubby tubby! Two, tubby tubby!
 * Milo : (stops) Why are you calling me fat?
 * Allias : I can call you whatever the hell I want! You get down there and give me push-ups! (Milo continues) Three, tubby tubby! Four, tubby tubby! This is gonna take all day and day, get up! Get up right now! (Milo got up the ground) Who the hell told you you can get back up?!
 * Milo: Well, you did!
 * Allias : Did I tell you can get back up?! NO I DID NOT! Get your ass back down there!
 * Milo: But you said I can get up!
 * Allias : GET THE FUCK DOWN THERE AND GIVE ME PUSH-UPS!! (Milo got down on the ground) Get down there, calling me a liar in front of the squad! You're gonna do push-ups right now!
 * Milo : Well, you told me to get back up.
 * Allias : DO SOME GODDAMN PUSH-UPS RIGHT NOW!! (Milo starts doing push-ups) One, tubby tubby! We're starting over!
 * Milo : What?
 * Allias : Two, two tubby tubby!!
 * Milo : No more teletubbies.
 * Allias : YOU ARE WORTHLESS!! GET DOWN IN THE DIRT, MAGGOT!! Do it! Three tubby tubby! Four tubby tubby! Keep moving! I didn't say stand, GET YOUR ASS IN THAT DIRT!! (Allias gets up) Alright, maggots! He's gonna keep doing push-ups while I finish the introduction. You do NOT wanna be like him! OK, you are gonna stay here at this military school until I am satisfied that you have learned a lesson. Is that understood people? (Milo gets up, Allias gets more angered) JESUS CHRIST, FAT ASS! GET YOUR ASS BACK DOWN THERE!
 * Milo : But I did 90 teletubbies!
 * Allias : WELL DO 90 MORE TELETUBBIES!
 * Milo: I DON'T WANNA DO 90 MORE TELETUBBIES!
 * Allias: JESUS CHRIST! ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY'S RUNNING THAT OBSTACLE COURSE RIGHT NOW AND SO HELP ME GOD YOU BETTER COMPLETE IT IN 60 SECONDS! GO! GO!
 * Milo: Uh, yes sir! (runs and climbs on the pole)
 * Allias : Come on, maggot! Get your ass over this pole.
 * Milo : I got this barbed wire!
 * Allias: Climb! Faster!
 * Milo : Can I have a CapriSun?
 * Allias : A CAPRISUN?! HA! How about I get you some tubby cakes and Doritos too, fat ass! Go!
 * Milo : What? Really?
 * Allias : NO! That was sarcasm, dumb ass! GO! Come on! (Milo advances to next obstacle)
 * Milo: W-what am I supposed to do?
 * Allias : You get up that wall, fat ass. That's what you do.
 * Milo: How do I climb it?
 * Allias : You scale that wall like a tubby Spider-Man!
 * Milo : I-I can't do that!
 * Allias : Get to climbing! One hand at a time! Come on! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
 * Milo: Stop yelling at me!
 * Allias : You're not moving fast enough!
 * Milo : I'm getting it! AHH!
 * Allias : Jesus Christ! If it ain't the sorriest private I've ever seen!
 * Milo : I can't climb the wall, it's hard!
 * Allias : Get your fat ass up that wall right now in the next 10 seconds!
 * Milo: What? 10 seconds?!
 * Allias : IF YOU DON'T CLIMB THIS WALL IN THE NEXT 10 SECONDS, I'M GONNA PUT MY CLAWS SO FAR UP YOUR ASS THAT I CAN USE YOU AS A PUPPET AND RYAN'S THE MAIN ANTAGONIST AND A DICKHEAD! RIGHT NOW, COME ON!
 * Milo: I'm going!
 * Allias : Come on!
 * Milo : I made it to the top! I made it to the top!
 * (The next scene takes place with Audrey Ramirez holding camera while being nude wearing a collar sitting on a toilet)
 * Audrey Ramirez : Congratulations Milo, you made me happy.
 * (Audrey urinates on the camera)
 * Audrey : I love you.
 * (Then the scene cuts back to Allias and Milo)
 * Allias : Well Congratu-fucking-lations! We still have a lot of obstacle course left! MOVE! MOVE!
 * Milo : OK. (Milo advances to the 5th obstacle)
 * Allias : You better run up that pole! Come on, tubby, move, move, move, move, move, move!
 * Milo : It is so tiring! (Milo advances to the 6th obstacle) W-what do I do?
 * Allias : You climb up this rope and you touch the top.
 * Milo : I can't do that!
 * Allias : WELL, YOU'RE GONNA DO IT! GO! CLIMB!
 * Milo : O-OK.
 * Allias : Is that the best you can do? KEEP CLIMBING!
 * Milo : I don't know to climb!
 * Allias : KEEP CLIMBING! YOU CLIMB THAT AND YOU TOUCH THE TOP!
 * Milo : I'm going!
 * Allias : Come on, don't you let go! You keep moving! You keep going! DON'T YOU LET GO!
 * (Milo falls down and dislocates his knee)
 * Milo : AHHH!!!
 * Allias : Oh my god, I don't know why I'm surprised! Tubby McFatass fall off the fucking rope.
 * Milo : My knee is dislocated!
 * Allias : OH, YOU DISLOCATED YOUR KNEE! I KNOW WHAT'LL HELP THAT PAIN! SPRAY THIS HOT SAUCE IN YOUR EYES!
 * Milo : W-why?
 * Allias : PUT THE HOT SAUCE IN YOUR GODDAMN EYES!
 * Milo : But that's gonna hurt more!
 * Allias : YEAH, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT'S GONNA HURT MORE! IT'S GONNA TEACH YOU NOT TO LET GO OF THE ROPE!
 * Milo : But, I don't WANNA do that!
 * Allias : EITHER YOU SQUIRT THIS HOT SAUCE IN YOUR EYES, OR I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WATCH HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON!
 * Milo : Give me the hot sauce!
 * Allias : Damn right.
 * (Milo screams in pain as the hot sauce is put in his eyes and his eyes go black)
 * Allias : DON'T YOU SCREAM! DON'T YOU FUCKING SCREAM! THERE IS NO CRYING IN MILITARY SCHOOL!
 * Milo : AHH!! AHH!! OH MY GOD!!! I'M BLIND!!!!!!!!!!!
 * Allias : How does it feel?
 * Milo : IT BURNS SO BAD!!
 * Allias : That's the point!
 * Milo : AHH!!! AH!!
 * Allias : Yeah.
 * Milo : AHH!!! (Milo advances to 7th obstacle as his eye turn back to normal) OW, MY EYES! MY EYES!
 * Allias : Well, well, well, you're crying like a little bitch. Now pick up that blue whale and move it to the other side of the field, and when you're done put it right back where it was.
 * Milo : Why?
 * Allias: Because I like to watch whales move! Now go! Go! Pick up that blue whale!!
 * Milo : I can't!
 * Allias : Hoist it! Hoist it! Come on!
 * Milo : The whale won't move!
 * Allias : If your mom can get out of bed that rock can move! Come on! (Milo advances to 7th obstacle) Alright, maggot, crawl under there. Move!
 * Milo : It hurts! The barbed wire hurts!
 * Allias : It's supposed to hurt, keep moving.
 * Milo : Ow! OW! (Milo advances to 7th obstacle)
 * Allias : Move, move, move, keep going, maggot, go, go, go! If you stop I will not stop yelling! Keep moving! Keep going! (Milo advances to 8th obstacle)
 * Milo : W-what do we do here?
 * Allias : You jump up, you grab that bar, and you pull yourself over.
 * Milo : We can't do that!
 * Allias : If you don't do it I'm gonna whip every single one of you.. um... uh.. ummm.. I-I'm gonna squirt hot sauce in all your eyes!
 * Milo : I don't want more hot sauce!
 * Allias : THEN YOU BETTER JUMP! Come on! Come on! Good job, tubby! (Milo and The Two Other Students advance to the 9th obstacle) Alright, halt! Everybody stop here at the pole! Alright, that right there is the end of the obstacle course, but I'm gonna warn you. Right there is the landmine field.
 * Milo : W-what?
 * Allias : These are grenades underground! If you step on one of them, you're gonna die. OK? So I wish everybody the best of luck and may God have mercy on your souls.
 * Milo : LANDMINES? Uh, let's go! (Student #1 dies) AHHH!! (Student #3 dies) AH! AHHH!!! AHH!! AH!! (Milo completes the course)
 * Allias : Well, congratulations, fat ass! I did not think you were gonna make it!
 * Milo : I did it?
 * Allias : Not quite! You gotta climb this rope and touch the top.
 * Milo: AGAIN?
 * Allias : Yep! GO! GO!
 * Milo : THIS IS LIKE 3 TIMES BIGGER THAN AN ALLOSAURUS!
 * Allias : Climb the rope, maggot!
 * Milo : I just dodged the landmines!
 * Allias : I don't give a damn! Climb this rope! GO! GO! GO! GO! GO! (Milo touches the top and falls off rope, officially completing the course)
 * Milo : I touched the top! I touched the top!
 * Allias : Congratulations, you were the only one to finish the course!
 * Milo: What? Really?
 * Allias : Yeah, those other guys.. uh... well, they went boom.
 * Milo : Wow! Can I go to bed now? Please?
 * Allias : Nope, still gotta run it 9 more times.
 * Milo : 9 MORE TIMES?!
 * Allias : Yep, remember I said you gotta run it 9 times a day, so 8 more! Get going!
 * Milo : I can't do it 8 more times! Please! I can't do it 8 more times!
 * Milo : Please don't!
 * Allias : Yep, it scars. It's not even weird anymore.
 * Milo : No, I can't do 8! I can't do it!
 * Allias : You better get moving, fat ass! GO! GO! GO! GO! (Milo completes the course 100 times)
 * Milo : (groans helplessly)
 * Allias : Congratulations, fat ass, you ran the course 99 times. I am impressed.
 * Milo : S-s-s-s-s-s-soda. Soda.
 * Allias : W-what's that?
 * Milo : Soda.
 * Allias : Soda?
 * Junior: Soda.
 * Allias : I-I-I don't think I have any soda. I mean I have this but this is for me. You know, I get pretty parched yelling all the time. (Allias chugs down some water) Oh, that is good.
 * Milo : I-I'm so tired. I'm so tired.
 * Allias : OK, well, we're gonna have a nice, relaxing break.
 * Milo : R-really?
 * Allias : Cleaning a toilet with a toothbrush. Doesn't that sound fun? Come on!
 * Allias : Y-yes sir. Y-yes sir.
 * (Milo enters the Allias' bathroom prepared to clean a disgusting toilet with a toothbrush)
 * Allias : This toilet is disgusting. I did not do this one because someone has done something to it and you are going to clean this toilet with your toothbrush. Is that understood?
 * Milo : Um, yes sir!
 * Allias : Good! Get to it!
 * Milo : Ew! Yuck!
 * Allias : Yeah, you get to scrubbing! I want this so clean I can give a sandwich to my daughter!
 * Milo : Why would you give her a sandwich?
 * Allias : Because that's what I like to do! I like to give sandwiches to Astrid! You don't ask questions! Scrub!
 * (Milo finishes cleaning the toilet)
 * Milo : OK, I'm done, sir.
 * Allias : Alright, I'm gonna give this chocolate, es cargot, ham, peanut butter, cheese, egg and bacon sandwich to Astrid and she better not get sick!
 * Milo : Oh, you won't, sir. You won't.
 * (Scene cuts to a Astrid wearing blue cargo pants, black shirt and red bodywarmer with a hood, she is hooded, she takes a bite, then she sticks her finger down her throat and pukes)
 * Astrid : Gross. It has someone's dung on it.
 * (Scene cuts to Milo tied up in a dark room and night)
 * Milo : What's going on? W-what's going on?
 * (Someone puts How to Train Your Dragon in front of Milo)
 * Milo : No! No! Please no! AHH!! AHH!! AHH!!
 * (Toothless appears in front of Milo, snarling)
 * Milo : No! NO! NO!! Anything but that! Anything but that!! Please more hot sauce!
 * (Toothless roars as he approaches Milo)
 * Milo : Please! Stop! Stop! Please! No! No! No! NO!!!!
 * (The credits roll, Milo James Thatch's skull appears at the credits)