Sagwa, the Chinese Siamese Cat (season 2)/Episode 4b: The Birds and the Bees

Transcript
(Title and episode production credits appears. The episode opens on The Reader of the Rules with his mothers Shuihua and Huohua in the palace guestroom)

Shuihua: Oh our See-Yeh Shi-Yi has grown up!

Huohua: When I met Shuihua, I'd never expect to see her beautiful son!

The Reader of the Rules: Thanks mama and step-mama. You're the best parents I've ever had.

(Transition wipe to Sagwa, Dongwa, and Sheegwa in the alleyway with the Alley Cats)

Dongwa: I know Wong Ton, you're two kinds of animal! You're part doggy, and part kitty!

Wong Ton: Yeah, I know inkface. I got my 'tufts, 'paws, and tail from my dad, and the rest of my body is from my mom.

Ling: My mom is a full-blooded, ink-faced Siamese and my dad is a Dragon Li cat.

Sagwa: My grandma Nai-Nai has you guys beat. Her mama was a Chartreux who was born in Paris, France and her baba was a Siamese owned by immigrants from Thailand.

Lik-Lik: That explains why her sister looks more like a Chartreux that got clawed by a radioactive Siamese cat!

Sheegwa: Love is all around, as they say!

Bo: My babas are such a great couple!

Hun-Hun: Me and my parents' owners are strange. The man of the house is a Serbian immigrant while the woman is a local from here.

(Nai-Nai walks up)

Nai-Nai: Ahem. I heard you kittens ranting about my parenthood. My French mom was very quiet while my Thai dad was louder than her. And my son, Sagwa's baba, is different from me genetically. He looks more like his baba when he was younger, or my baba when he was younger. So is my sister, who has my eyes, personality, and sense of living but the rest of her is a Chartreux.

Sha-Guniang: (from offscreen) Pssst... Sheegwa!

Nai-Nai: Who is that?

(pan over to Sha-Guniang)

Sheegwa: (from offscreen) She's Sha-Guniang, my friend. She's such a pretty kitty.

(pan back to Sheegwa. Bo walks up)

Bo: You have another friend?

Sheegwa: Yes, my silly friend. In fact... *whisphers into Bo's ear* She's my girlfriend.

Bo: Um... this conversation is over. Let's all go back to what we were doing.

(Transition wipe to Mr. Luigi, an Italian explorer, with the Foolish Magistrate)

The Foolish Magistrate: Welcome to my palace, Mr. Luigi!

Mr. Luigi: Grazie Signor Maestro di Mandarino. I thank you a million times. I brought my own cat with me.

(A bicolor cat named Paulo comes out of Mr. Luigi's coat pocket)

Paulo: Meow!

Mr. Luigi: His name is Paulo! I got him as a gift from a pet shop in Thailand, along with a Siamese cat named Pablo, who will be coming to see you later.

The Foolish Magistrate: My great, great, great, great... um... times 170, grandfather got my family's first Siamese cat from Thailand as well.

(Sagwa runs in)

The Foolish Magistrate: That's my best kitten, Sagwa of China! (looks at audience) Trademark Foolish Magistrate 2001.

(Paulo and Sagwa walk up to each other)

Paulo: Ciao! My name is Paulo. What's your name?

Sagwa: Ni hao. I'm Sagwa of China! Nice to meet you, you... um... handsome mogui.

Paulo: Grazie. *chuckles* We're going to be an... erm... cute couple?

Sagwa: Yes! *chuckles*

(Transition wipe to Hun-Hun in the alley. Dongwa walks up)

Dongwa: Um... Hun-Hun. I've thought long and hard about this... but... Hun-Hun, I want to have your litter.

Hun-Hun: My litter? Of kittens?

Dongwa: Yes!

Hun-Hun: Okay... I'll see if I want to start a relationship with you.

(Transition wipe to Sheegwa and Sha-Guniang playing)

Sha-Guniang: Oh my Sheegwa, you're the best girlfriend ever!

Sheegwa: *giggles* Yes! I love you Sha-Guniang! But I wish I could admit to my family that I'm gay.

Sha-Guniang: You know what Sheegwa. You need to do it. Show some pride!

Sheegwa: Okay then!

(Transition wipe to Baba and Mama Miao with Yeh-Yeh, Nai-Nai, Auntie Wen, Auntie Mei-Mei, Aunt Chi-Chi, and Uncle Miao in the Magistrate's study)

Auntie Wen: It's so quiet.

Baba Miao: Very quiet.

(Sheegwa runs in)

Sheegwa: Mama! Baba! Yeh-Yeh! Nai-Nai! Auntie Wen! Auntie Mei-Mei! Aunt Chi-Chi! Uncle Miao!

All 8 of the Miao family parents: (all at once) What?!?

Sheegwa: I have something to admit. I'm...

Mama Miao: What my little Sheegwa?

Sheegwa: I'm...

Nai-Nai: What's the problem!

Sheegwa: I'm...

Uncle Miao: What is wrong?

Sheegwa: I'm...

Baba Miao: What is it?

Sheegwa: ''I'M GAY! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, I DON'T LIKE BOYS ROMANTICALLY, I ONLY LIKE GIRLS, I WANT TO BE PART OF A GAY COUPLE WHEN I'M OLDER, THERE, I SAID IT!''

All 8 of the Miao family parents: *gasp*

Baba Miao: My daughter's gay?!?

Nai-Nai: She probably realized it after I came out to my son and husband!

Auntie Wen: We need to contact the children, fast!

(Transition wipe to Sagwa and Dongwa playing with Paulo and Hun-Hun)

Paulo: Hey! You're so silly, Signora Sagwa!

Hun-Hun: Come on, Dongie! *giggles*

(Mama and Baba Miao walk in)

Mama Miao: Sagwa, Dongwa, we have something to tell you two.

Dongwa: What?

Sagwa: What's the big news?

Mama Miao: Well, um...

Baba Miao: Your little sister Sheegwa has just come out as gay.

Sagwa and Dongwa: *gasp*

Dongwa: My little sister likes girls?

Sagwa: I never expected this!

Baba Miao: By the way, who are those cats you're playing with?

Paulo: Ciao, I'm Paulo. I am the cat of Mr. Luigi, the Italian explorer hired by the Foolish Magistrate.

Hun-Hun: Hey, the name's Hun-Hun! I'm an alley cat.

Baba Miao: Paulo, Hun-Hun, we need to tell you this. Your friends' sister is gay.

Hun-Hun: Like Siao-Po?

Baba Miao: Kinda. Siao-Po is not gay, he's bisexual. Dongwa introduced me and my mama to him.

Mama Miao: Come on Sagwa and Dongwa, we need to come with Sheegwa to meet her girlfriend!

(Transition wipe to Sha-Guniang standing in front of Mama Miao, Baba Miao, Sagwa, Dongwa, and Sheegwa)

Sheegwa: You see, I discovered I was gay when Nai-Nai came out as bisexual. I met Sha-Guniang a while ago, and we started out as friends. But then, I found out I liked her romantically, and then I realized I'm fairly gender-neutral and don't mind getting dirty while playing.

Sha-Guniang: I just wanted to be her friend at first, but then she licked my face one night. That's when we decided to begin dating.

Sheegwa: And now, we're proud of our pride!

(Transition wipe to Cha-Siu and a Chartreux cat named Mei Lin talking)

Mei Lin: Our relationship is kinda unusual, seeing that you're a poodle adopted by cats, and act like both a dog and a cat-

Cha-Siu: I know! I'm pretty much a Miao-Gou.

(Sagwa walks in)

Sagwa: You got a girlfriend now?

Cha-Siu: Yes! She's Mei Lin. She's a Chartreux who was adopted from France by the owners of one of the stalls in the fish market.

Mei Lin: Yeah.

Sagwa: So, you two plan on dating?

Cha-Siu: Maybe.