Home On The Range 2 Transcript


 * (the film begins with henry and elizabeth eating steak on the steakhouse)

More Comming Soon
 * Elizabeth: Ok, Who should I kill my leg to bring me a brush? (chuckles) aw. look at the size of those knives, but what did they do? a rex dinosaur?
 * Henry: I don't believe.
 * Elizabeth: and if I drank all that ketchup in my mouth? you imagine? Do you challenge yourself?!
 * Henry: It would be bad for the next person who wanted ketchup
 * Elizabeth:  and how did it go with the babysitter?
 * Henry: Not very well, the economy has affected many wage cuts and layoffs.
 * Elizabeth: Yep.
 * Henry: practically that's all, I mean, if you want to know more about reading the newspapers, and you draw, but you do not know
 * Elizabeth: It must be a very attractive job, I bet you had ... how did you do it?
 * Herny: which? the cowgirls? How did the cowgirls do?
 * Elizabeth: Yeah.
 * Henry: Do you want to know everything as a cowgirl did?
 * Elizabeth: I do not know, of course.
 * Henry: look, you better go to Little Patch of Heaven
 * Elizabeth: (gasps) Dad, I'm really exercising.
 * Henry: and who noticed?
 * Elizabeth: nobody, but, I try to be a friendship with me, I've only tried to be gentle with you and that's the story, why do not I love you?
 * Henry: Okay, I'll tell you. You are the worst queen I know. You constantly hit on your best friend's wife. The man pays for your food and rescued you from certain death, and this is how you repay him? And to add insult to injury, you defecate all over his yard. And you're such a monster. You pay for nothing. You always say, "Oh, I'll get you later" but "later" never comes. And what really bothers me is you pretend you're this deep guy who loves women for their souls when all you do is date bimbos. Yeah, I date women for their bodies but at least I'm honest about it. I don't buy them a copy of Catcher in the Rye and then lecture them with some seventh grade interpretation of how Holden Caulfield is some profound, intellectual. He wasn't! He was a spoiled brat! And that's why you like him so much...he's you! God, you're pretentious! And you delude yourself by thinking you're some great writer, even though you're terrible! You know, I should have known Cheryl Tiegs didn't write me that note. She would have known there's no "a" in the word "definite." And I think what I hate most about you is your textbook liberal agenda, how we should "legalize pot, man," how big business is crushing the underclass, how homelessness is the biggest tragedy in America. Well, what have you done to help? I work down at the soup kitchen, Elizabeth. Never seen you down there! You wanna help? Grab a ladle! And by the way, driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ! Oh, wait! You don't believe in Jesus Christ or any religion for that matter, because "religion is for idiots!" Well, who the dickens are you to talk down to anyone? You failed college twice, which isn't nearly as bad as your failure as a father! How's that son of yours you never see? But you know what? I could forgive all of that, all of it, if you weren't such a bore! That's the worst of it, Elizabeth. You're just a big, sad, alcoholic bore. (sighs) Well, see ya, Elizabeth! Thanks for the stupid steak.