Pilot (SPPLL)

"Pilot" is the first episode of the TV series Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life.

Synopsis
In Toronto, Canada, Scott Pilgrim, the bass player in the band Sex Bob-Omb, is dating a High Schooler. This seems to be going pretty well until Scott dreams of a strange girl

Cast

 * Tye Sheridan as Scott Pilgrim
 * Ashley Benson as Ramona Flowers
 * Michael Trevino as Wallace Wells
 * Katie Chang as Knives Chau
 * William Moseley as Stephen Stills
 * Katherine McNamara as Kim Pine
 * Colin Ford as "Young" Neil Nordegraf
 * Bella Thorne as Stacey Pilgrim
 * Jensen Ackles as Other Scott

Transcript
[Ramona Flowers is seen walking away from a house in the snow. She turns to face it for a few seconds before leaving. It shows her walking off as it pans to the moon before the intro plays. Once it finishes, it is suddenly light out and it pans down, revealing a completely different house.]

Kim: Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler?

[The camera pans down to a window to the kitchen, where everyone is sitting, zooming in on the window until the scene completely changes to inside the kitchen]

Stephen: Is she hot?

Kim: How old are you, Scott? 30? 40?

Scott: I'm not playing your games, Kim.

Kim: 45?

Scott: twenty-one! okay? I'm twenty-one.

Stephen: And you're dating a high schooler. Not bad.

[Scott pours a cup of coffee before sitting down at the table]

Neil: Hey, have you guys... like... done it?

Scott: No, but she rides the bus with me. She talks about her book club, her friends and, uh... you know... drama.

Stephen: Have you ever kissed her?

Scott: We almost held hands once but then she got embarrassed.

Stephen: Dude, do you even know her name yet?

Scott: Knives Chau. She's Chinese.

Neil: Nice.

Stephen: Wait, her name is literally knives?

Scott: Uh, yeah. Why?

Stephen: You don't see any problem with that?

Scott: Books and covers and... well, there isn't a third one I guess.

Stephen: What if she is a serial killer?

Scott: I don't have any evidence that she is or isn't, but she's a high schooler, I think I can handle myself.

Neil: So, uh... how'd you guys meet?

Scott: I believe I mentioned the bus?

Kim: Yes.

[It flashes back to the day the two first met. A bus shows up with Knives and her mother stepping out of it]

Mrs Chau: Sherman is nice man. You like him.

Knives: Mom, I'm seriously not interested in him.

Mrs Chau: You are seventeen year old. Time to get interested in boy!

Knives: Oh sweet Jesus...

[She trips over something and her books fall on the floor]

Knives: Crap!

[She attempts to pick them all up, with Scott picking one up for her]

Scott: Hey, don't worry about it! I'm Scott by the way. Scott Pilgrim.

Knives: Knives Chau.

Scott: Very nice to- wait, your name is knives?

[It suddenly cuts to modern day]

Scott: And that's how it happened!

Stephen: ...You met her at a bus stop with her mom and picked up one of her books...

Scott: Yes.

Kim: Is that seriously the end of that story?

Scott: Yes.

Neil: So it was love at first sight?

Scott: Yes.

Kim: Did you suddenly forget how to say anything else other than "yes"?

Scott: No.

Kim: Can you speak actual words that aren’t yes or no?

Scott: Yes.

Stephen: So when are we meeting her?

Scott: You want to meet her?

Stephen: Yeah, why not?

Scott: Well, you see, I, um...

Kim: Wow, you're already embarrassed by her...

Scott: I'm never embarrassed! I'll bring her over tonight if you all wanna meet her that badly!

Stephen: Sounds good.

Scott: ...Crap...

Neil: Let me guess, you were kidding.

Scott: I'm a man! I don't back down from things! like... like women!

Neil: ...What the hell are you talking about?

Scott: I don't know anymore...

[Later, Scott is seen entering his apartment, throwing his coat on to the floor. Wallace Wells is seen reading a newspaper on a couch]

Scott: Before you hear any dirty lies, Wallace, yes I am indeed dating a seventeen-year-old and it's going great.

Wallace: Is he cute?

Scott: Ha ha ha...

Wallace: Does this mean we have to stop sleeping together?

Scott: Do you see another bed here?

[He looks around. 8-bit text boxes appear by the items in the apartment showing which belong to Wallace and which belong to Scott, revealing 90% of the apartment more or less belongs to Wallace]

Wallace: You're totally my bitch forever, you know that right Scott?

Scott: Okay...

[Scott opens the door to the kitchen and another man walks out of it]

Other Scott: Hey Scott.

Scott: Hey Other Scott.

[Other Scott walks outside]

Scott: You know, I still don't get why we needed a third roommate.

Wallace: Drama.

Scott: Wait do you think I love you?

Wallace: Everyone loves me, Scott. You may say you don't but you're wrong.

Scott: ...So I just, like... don't even get to say that-

Wallace: Nope. You're just wrong.

Scott: Oh... okay...

[It suddenly cuts to a car during the day before fading to night time, the shot holding on the same car. Scott exits the car with Knives Chau and begins walking towards his building.]

Scott: Okay, so good first impressions are the key to any friendship. So, you know... be good.

Knives: Okay.

Scott: No, seriously, be good.

Knives: I am good!

Scott: Just be good.

Knives: I will!

Scott: Promise.

Knives: I promise I'll be good!

[Stephen opens the door, interrupting their conversation]

Stephen: Scott, what in the seven layers of hell are you making this poor girl say?

Scott: Oh hey! Stephen this is Knives Chau, the girl I'm dating. Knives this is Stephen Stills. He's the head of our band. Mind if we come in?

Stephen: Sure. Nice to meet you Knives.

[They both enter the house]

Knives: He made me promise to be good.

Stephen: Might've been a joke. Are you usually bad?

Knives: I think that I'm okay.

Scott: Hey Kim, this is Knives. Throw your coat anywhere Knives, it doesn't matter.

Knives: Hi! you, um... I'm sorry, I'm atrocious with names, what was yours again?

Kim: Kim Pine.

Knives: You play the drums?

Kim (sitting at drum kit): ...What gave it away?

[Neil walks in playing a DS]

Scott: Oh, hey Neil! Knives, this is Young Neil!

[Neil sits beside Knives]

Neil: Neil Nordegraf, nice to meet you.

Knives: You too! so what do you play?

Neil: What? oh, for the band. Nothing, I live here.

Knives: Oh.

[Scott walks out with his bass and Stephen picks up his guitar]

Stephen: So we're playing in front of her?

Scott: Do... do you not want to?

Stephen: We'll do it but if she hates it you take the blame.

Scott: Deal. Alright, let's start with Launchpad McQuack!

Stephen: That's not the actual name of the song by the way. Okay, let's go.

Kim: WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!!

[Stephen sings the lyrics of the intro theme "Precious" while Scott and Kim mimic the bitpop sound effects of it with their bass and drums. As they do, Knives stares at them, mouth agape. Once they finish, they look at Knives, waiting for her reaction. She just continues to stare.]

Stephen: Scott, your girlfriend broke.

Scott: Okay, let's get out back home.

[Scott puts his bass down and leads Knives outside]

Knives: You guys are so amazing. So amazing. Sex Bob-Omb, wow...

Scott: I'll come see you after school tomorrow.

[He closes the door]

Stephen: She seems nice. I might get a high school girlfriend myself.

Scott: I highly recommend it.

Kim: ...Scott, are you actually happy or are you evil?

Scott: Are you asking if I have ulterior motives? I'm offended, Kim! wounded even! hurt Kim!

Kim: Nevermind...

[Later, Scott is back at his apartment making toast when he gets a call from someone. He picks up the phone and answers the caller.]

Scott: Hello?

Stacey: What is this I hear of you dating a sixteen-year-old high school girl!?

Scott: What!? Stacey!? she's seventeen! who the hell told you anyway?

Stacey: Wallace.

Scott: That gossipy bitch!

Stacey: Yeah. So anyway, scandal! and all that... so who is this mysterious girl?

Scott: Knives.

Stacey: Knives...?

Scott: Chau. Knives Chau. She's Chinese.

Stacey: Oh, wait till mom and dad hear about this!

Scott: They're in Europe!

Stacey: I can see them now, "my brother is dating a high school student!" "what? well, this won't do, we must disown him!"

Scott: It's a Catholic school too...

Stacey: Oh god, seriously? Scott, are you only doing this to get over-

Scott: Don't say her name!

Stacey: Fine, are you just dating random women to get over "she who must not be named" or are you genuinely insane?

Scott: I'm not sure anymore, Stacey...

[The next day, Scott and Wallace are standing in front of Knives' high school]

Wallace: I don't want to be here. You know that, right?

Scott: No, dude, it's fine. It's like Trainspotting.

Wallace: ...So she lied to you and said she was legal only to reveal she was underaged and basically screwed you over?

Scott: What? no, it's not like that!

Wallace: You just said it was like that.

Scott: Okay, I'll admit, I didn't pay much attention while watching Trainspotting.

Wallace: I thought not.

[The bell rings and students begin walking out of the school.]

Wallace: You know, I just realized I don't actually need to be here.

Scott: No, it's cool, this school has guys too.

[Knives walks up to the two.]

Knives: Scott! hey!

Scott: Hey, Knives! this is my cool gay roommate Wallace Wells.

Knives: Oh, hi! there's a few gay kids in my class, do you wanna know their names?

Wallace: Do any of them wear glasses?

Scott: Okay, Wallace, go now. Go. Begone.

Wallace: I just met her, don't-

Knives: It's fine, I'll give you the inside scoop on the cute guys in my class next time I see you.

[Wallace looks at Scott and Knives before grabbing Knives by the shoulders.]

Wallace: You're too good for him...

[He proceeds to walk away.]

Knives: He seems funny.

Scott: Yup. Funny.

Knives: So anyway, like I was telling you yesterday, Tamara has a crush on this Korean kid named Bobby but Bobby has a crush on this other girl named Mina. Plus Bobby is... "fresh off the boat".

Scott: Oh, Tamara has a crush? can't wait to hear how Derek reacts to that!

[The screen fades out. Once it fades back in, Scott is walking through a desert all by himself.]

Scott: Oh god... oh god... oh god, I'm dead, aren't I? I'm dead...

[As he says this, a girl is seen scatting through the desert, getting closer and closer to Scott.]

Ramona: Oh, shut up, you're not dead. You're just having some idiotic dream.

Scott: Dream... I'm dreaming... wait, does that mean it's okay if we make out?

[Scott wakes up staring off into nothingness as the beginning of the ending song "Finest Hour" begins to play. He looks to his right and sees a picture of him and Knives that he took with her. He looks at the picture before picking it up and turning it around, flat on its face. The credits roll as the episode ends.]

Trivia

 * A lot of the dialogue in the episode is taken straight from the first chapter of the first book.