Thread:ShowbizAngel87/@comment-43758863-20200214154227/@comment-38164207-20200218230256

(Kate Monster comes in).

PRINCETON Oh, hey Kate Monster!

KATE Princeton! Hi!

PRINCETON See, Kate. Can I ask you a question?

KATE Sure

PRINCETON What's your purpose in life?

KATE Oh! Well.. I'm a kindergarten teaching assistant

PRINCETON Right. But what's your purpose, your dream, your mission?

KATE Nobody ever wants to know that

PRINCETON I do

KATE Well, since you ask... I... oh, no, I can't. I barely know you.

PRINCETON Oh, come on!

KATE Ok. When I was a little monster I always wished I had a special place I could go. A special school, only for monsters. Sure it's important to learn about the great favors of western civilization but so much of the canon leaves out monster art and history. And we? Our donation? It was always my dream to start that special school for monsters. So that, in short, is my purpose.

PRINCETON Heh!

KATE Oh, but I'm not an 'egg head'. I like to have fun and... party!

PRINCETON So, you are eager on the monster stuff.

KATE MONSTER Aha.

Everyone's a Little Bit Racist PRINCETON Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?

KATE MONSTER Uh huh! PRINCETON Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster.

KATE MONSTER Right.

PRINCETON You're both Monsters.

KATE MONSTER Yeah.

PRINCETON Are you two related?

HADASSAH GUBERMAN What? Princeton, you can't say that to her! That's just racist!

PRINCETON Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking.

KATE MONSTER Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all Monsters are related. What are you trying to say, huh? -- That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?

PRINCETON No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist.

KATE MONSTER I should say so.

BOBBY FLETCHER Jeez, dude. You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race.

PRINCETON Well, look who's talking!

HADASSAH GUBERMAN What do you mean?

PRINCETON What about that Jewish School you told me about?

HADASSAH GUBERMAN What about it?

PRINCETON Could someone like me go there?

HADASSAH GUBERMAN No, we don't want people like you who's a Catholic that--Ohhh.

PRINCETON You see?! (sung) You're a little bit racist.

KATE MONSTER Well, you're a little bit, too.

HADASSAH GUBERMAN I guess you both are a little bit racist.

DICK BIRCHUM Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...

BOBBY FLETCHER (Spoken) But I guess it's true

KATE MONSTER Between me and you, I think

ALL Everyone's a little bit racist, sometimes. Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes. Look around and you will find, no one's really color-blind. Maybe it's a fact we all should face. Everyone makes judgments... based on race.

(Chip Douglas comes in)

CHIP DOUGLAS (spoken) Not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from --

ALL No!

CHIP DOUGLAS No, just little judgments like thinking that us Mexican busboys should learn to speak English!

ALL Right! (sung)

ALL Everyone's a little bit racist -- today, so, everyone's a little big racist -- okay! Ethnic jokes might be uncouth, but you laugh because they're based on truth. Don't take them as personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them -- so relax!

PRINCETON (spoken) All right, stop me if you've heard this one. There's a plane going down and there's only one parachute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...

KATE MONSTER ... and a BLACK guy!

GLADYS MURPHY What did you just say?!

KATE MONSTER Uh --

SPOONIE LUV You were telling a BLACK joke, man!

PRINCETON Well, sure, Spoonie, but lost of people tell black jokes...

SPOONIE But WE don't.

DICK BIRCHUM Well, of course you guys don't -- you're black! But I bet you tell Polish jokes, right?

GLADYS MURPHY Well, sure I do. The stupid Polish people!

BOBBY FLETCHER Don't you think that's a little racist, Murphy?

GLADYS MURPHY Well, damn, I guess you're right.

CHIP DOUGLAS (sung) You're a little bit racist.

GLADYS MURPHY Well, you're a little bit, too.

PRINCETON We're all a little bit racist.

SPOONIE I think that I would have to agree with you.

HADASSAH GUBERMAN & KATE MONSTER We're glad you do.

GARY COLEMAN It's sad, but true! Everyone's a little bit racist -- all right! Bigotry has never been exclusively white --

ALL If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, even though we all know that it's wrong, maybe it would help us get along!

DICK BIRCHUM (spoken) Christ, do I feel good!

GARY COLEMAN Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

SPOONIE Who?

GARY COLEMAN Jesus Christ!

GLADYS MURPHY But Gary, Jesus was white!

GARY COLEMAN No, Jesus was black.

KATE MONSTER No, Jesus was white!

GARY COLEMAN No, I'm pretty sure Jesus was black! PRINCETON Guys -- Jesus was Jewish!

HADASSAH GUBERMAN Just like me! Isn't that crazy?!

DICK BIRCHUM No, he is white and Christian like ME! Nothing against the Jews, but I don't like 'em.

BRIAN Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

GLADYS MURPHY Racism!

BRIAN Cool.

CHRISTMAS EVE Brian! You come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!

BOBBY FLETCHER What's that mean?

BRIAN Um. Recyclables. (Everyone laughs). Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?

BOBBY FLETCHER Oh, come off it, Brian! (sung) Everyone's a little bit racist.

BRIAN I'm not!

CHIP DOUGLAS Oh, nada?

BRIAN Nope! How many oriental wives have you got?

CHRISTMAS EVE What? Brian!

PRINCETON Brian, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American!

CHRISTMAS EVE I know you are no intending to be, but calling me oriental -- offensive to me!

BRYAN (spoken) I'm sorry honey, I love you.

CHRISTMAS EVE And I love you.

BRIAN But you're racist, too.

CHRISTMAS EVE Yes, I know. (sung) The Jews have all the money and the whites have all the power and I'm always in taxi-cab with driver who no shower!

PRINCETON Me too!

KATE MONSTER Me too!

GARY COLEMAN I can't even get a taxi!

ALL Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true. But everyone is just about as racist as you! If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit, and everyone stopped being so P.C., maybe we could live in -- harmony!

DICK BIRCHUM Everyone's a little bit racist!

Also, to answer your question, I would have to say my best would be Gladys.