Marvel Spotlight (Marvel;Re)/A Howard the Duck Christmas

This is an issue of Marvel Spotlight.

Synopsis
Howard the Duck, while Black Friday shopping, gets thrust in a giant conspiracy and deals with various crazy events.

Transcript
It begins in a Best Buy as people are shopping, including Howard the Duck. Suddenly he cuts in line of someone.


 * ???: Bitch! You dare cut in front of me?!
 * Howard: What are you gonna do? Hulk out?
 * ???: Far worse.

He begins to mutate into a giant reptilian as Howard's jaw completely drops to the floor.


 * ???: YUUUUU EEEEEEEES AAAAAAAAY!

He is revealed to be American Kaiju.


 * Howard: Todd Todd I was joking about you hulking out. Please don't kill me. Umm here are your gifts. I can pay them for you.

American Kaiju roars as Howard touches the Avengers Wave, hoping that a team of Avengers come to save him. Suddenly he sees two Avengers. Balder and Hercules.


 * Balder: This seems fun.

Hercules hugs Howard.


 * Howard: Why is it just you two?
 * Balder: Because everyone else is either busy or dead.
 * Howard: Wait what?
 * Hercules: What do you need help with?

Howard points at American Kaiju.


 * Hercules: Ah. I fought giant lizards before.
 * Howard: Are you sure there is nobody else that can help?
 * ???: I can.

A mysterious man drops down in a very cool pose.


 * Howard: Who are you?
 * ???: A friend.
 * Howard: Seriously. Who are you?
 * ???: I... am... TYPEFACE!

Everyone starts laughing, even American Kaiju who stopped causing chaos to laugh.


 * Typeface: What's so funny?
 * Balder: Your name.
 * Hercules: Who in their right minds call themselves Typeface?
 * Howard: What's next? The Peeper?!

Peeper, who is also Black Friday shopping, quickly runs away. Hercules, realizing that American Kaiju is laughing too: begins throwing him across buildings as so does Balder. While this is happening: Howard sees a mysterious man giving Necro a gift.


 * Howard: Wait: that's the guy with a muzzle.
 * Typeface: I can get him.
 * Howard: What are you going to do? Type on his face.
 * Typeface: I am basically the Punisher.
 * Howard: But with a dumb motif?
 * Typeface: It's not dumb! We should probably hunt after this Muzzle guy!

They run after him as Howard accidentally knocks a Barbie out of Punisher's hands. He chuckles nervously and gives Punisher the Barbie back. Howard and Typeface continue rummaging through various people as Howard jumps on Necro.


 * Necro: Agh! It's a duck! And a guy with letters on his face!
 * Typeface: What is that gift?
 * Necro: I-I-it's a virus. Somebody wanted me to use it on a Black Friday shopper filled store. I think for something like "Christmas must be ruined".
 * Howard: Who gave it?!
 * Necro: I-I don't know. All I know is that he gave me this.

He hands him a card saying "B" as Hercules and Balder return.


 * Howard: How would you two feel about going on an epic quest to save Christmas?
 * Hercules: FUCK YEAH!

He kisses Balder on the lips.


 * Balder: ... I'm in love with death. Well an embodiment of it in Hel.
 * Hercules: Oh.
 * Howard: I think I know where the villain is.

They follow him as Howard ends up bumping into The New Warriors as he quickly gets up and runs off. They then arrive to a giant bell tower as Dr. Bong jumps down and laughs evilly.


 * Balder: Who is this?
 * Dr. Bong: I am Doctor Bong! And I want to destroy Black Friday! Which in turn will ruin Christmas!
 * Typeface: Why do you want to destroy Christmas?
 * Dr. Bong: Do you want the long and tragic or the short and sweet one? No answer? OK, I was made fun of as a teen for still believing in Santa so this virus will turn everyone into elves!

They stare at him.


 * Howard: What?