Nostalgia Critic- Jetix

Hyped up for action and adventure 24/7?! Then the Critic is about to show you the awesome-st (both good and bad) that the World of Jetix has to offer!

(After the ExpressVPN sponsor announcement and theme song play, Yinyangyofan24 just arrived from who knows where. He looks around the house while Edvard Grieg's "Morning Mood" plays, hoping there is no one around. He sees Chaplin and Buster on the couch.)

Yinyangyofan24: That's okay. Cats are welcome too.

Chaplin: I'm a masochist!

Buster: Me too!

(Yinyangyofan24 then sits on the couch and picks up the remote.)

Yinyangyofan24: (whispering) Great! Now while the coast is clear...

(Just to make sure, he looks at the living room and turns back. He looks again to see an angry Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, and Heather glaring at him with a dramatic sting.)

Yinyangyofan24: Yipe!

(He looks again, only realizing that the four disappeared as he is just seeing things.)

Yinyangyofan24: (slapping himself a bit) C'mon, man! Get it together! Let's do it while the getting is good!

(Yinyangyofan24 then turns on the TV, and the Jetix logo plays to his delight.)

Yinyangyofan24: Ah, Jetix! What can I do without you?

(Suddenly, the TV switches to Tom and Jerry with its title sequence playing. Yinyangyofan24 is caught off guard.)

Yinyangyofan24: Huh?!

(He reaches for the remote to change it back, but a certain group of four stop him.)

Malcolm: Hey!

(Yinyangyofan24 turns his head to the left and yelps. An angry Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, and Heather appear as dramatic music plays.)

Malcolm: Don't even think about it!

Yinyangyofan24: Why can't you guys just let me watch Jetix? What's the big whoop?!

Heather: The big whoop is that Jetix aucks!

Walter: Yeah, one of the worst cartoon lineups of all time!

Malcolm: And anyone who even thinks Jetix is just okay DON'T belong in this world!

Yinyangyofan24: Don't you think you're taking this too personally?

Tamara: (knocking on his head, imitating Biff Tannen) Hello? You in there?

Yinyangyofan24: Ow. Really?!

Tamara: Wake up! Jetix is so bad, it's kinda pointless!

Heather: Walt Disney of course rolled in his grave many times before, but unlike anything like this!

Walter: Even the Disney Vault rejected it!

Malcolm: (while Yinyangyofan24 is getting mildly irritated) And even virtually ALL of its shows were a disgrace to the pop culture world!

Yinyangyofan24: (groans) Why can't you all just accept me who I am!

Malcolm: No!

Yinyangyofan24: I will still watch Jetix until the day I die!

Tamara: Totally not worth it.

Walter: It's just going to make you stupider, with an injection of more stupid!

Yinyangyofan24: Far from the truth, Walter. Jetix is like half of my lifeline!

Heather: Are you serious?

Yinyangyofan24: Now make like trees and piss off!

Tamara: Make us.

Yinyangyofan24: Like they say, possession is nine tenths of the law!

(He then switches the TV back to Jetix, and as if tensions couldn't rise higher...)

Malcolm: Turn that shit off! Now!

Yinyangyofan24: Never!

Tamara: Do it, dude. Seriously, you're an adult. Can't you just hate everything?

Yinyangyofan24: And I thought I told you to---

Walter; To what? Kindly leave?! Nada!

Heather: We're not leaving until you get Jetix out of here!

Yinyangyofan24: (frustrated) Jesus, for the last time, I---

Malcolm: (having enough) Then we'll just have to make you do it!

(Speak of the devil, Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, and Heather gang up on him, and try to physically force him to change the channel. Yinyangyofan24 reaches his breaking point, with his face turning red and literally boiling. He then goes Super Saiyan and blows the four away in four directions, causing them to accidentally damage some parts of the house.)

Yinyangyofan24: (screaming angrily as the screen shakes) CRITIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Then the Nostalgia Critic shows up.)

Nostalgia Critic: Okay, I'm here! What the hell's going on?

Yinyangyofan24: (cools off) Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, and Heather won't let me watch Jetix!

Walter: Because it sucks!

Malcolm: It's the complete opposite of what Disney stands for!

Tamara: It's shit, trillion-fold!

Nostalgia Critic: So what?! It's Jetix! It may not be big and spectacular, but it's just a harmless come-and-go thing.

Walter: Don't you get it? Jetix has destroyed a generation of brain cells!

Heather: You're the oldest, Critic! Back us up, please!

Tamara: Yeah, not to mention this is WAY beyond your age range!

Nostalgia Critic: So?! I may be too old for it, but that doesn't mean I would be angry at it, and hate someone who has a soft spot for it!

(The four look at the Critic, believing he has no idea what he's talking about.)

Nostalgia Critic: (sternly) Let him watch Jetix. After all, he called dibs on the TV first!

Tamara: Aw, come on!

Malcolm: No way!

Walter: You're not helping!

Heather: That is straight up unethical!

Malcolm: (angry) The hell with this!

(Malcolm switches the channel to Ghostbusters 2, Yinyangyofan24 switches to Jetix, Heather switches to the Chargotron commercial, Yinyangyofan24 switches back to Jetix, Walter switches to lyrics from "Straight Outta Compton", and Yinyangyofan24 switches back to Jetix the third time. And before Tamara can even attempt to touch the remote...)

Yinyangyofan24: (makes a scary face, enraged with a demonic voice) GET OUT!!

(Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, and Heather all scream in terror.)

Nostalgia Critic: Let him watch the channel! Besides, wouldn't it kill you to just put up with it for at least a second?

(Five minutes later, the four couldn't stand what they've just watched on Jetix!)

Walter: Oh God!

Tamara: It's so terrible!

Malcolm: What were they thinking? Are they stupid?!

Heather: My eyes are burning! Kill me!

Nostalgia Critic: (appalled) Aw, I don't believe this! You can't endure this even for five minutes?! I'm surprised at you for---

(The Critic then looks at the TV, distracted by one of the Jetix promos.)

Nostalgia Critic: Y'know, those blue and gray backgrounds were more...mind-blowing than I remember them...

Malcolm: Wait, what?

Yinyangyofan24: (excitedly) You watched Jetix too?!

Nostalgia Critic: Well, a little.

Walter: You wouldn't!

Heather: No, Critic! A little’s one too many!

Tamara: How could you do something like that?!

Malcolm: (grabbing the Critic by his jacket) Run! Save yourself! Get out of here while you still can!

Yinyangyofan24: Malcolm, leave him alone! And you heard him; just let me be at my zen and peace---

Malcolm: Why don't you shut up or I'll put my foot up your ass!

Nostalgia Critic: (pushes Malcolm away, having enough) Alright, stop! Stop! Can everyone just hear me out?!

Tamara: Why should we?

Walter: What do you know about Jetix that doesn't piss you off?!

Nostalgia Critic: Well, you know, any number of things.

(Clips from various Jetix commercials, bumpers, and shows play.)

Nostalgia Critic (vo): In 2004 through 2009, Disney launched an action-oriented block called Jetix. This is one of their earliest attempts to appeal to the male demographic with the action genre before buying Marvel and Lucasfilm. Of course it wasn’t memorable as the Disney Afternoon, and didn’t last very long, given it approximately five years. But it's still a unique lineup in its own right! And, yeah, I know that a lot of people hate Jetix, mostly because that certain company's focus on the action-adventure genre, shows that weren’t well received by critics and audiences alike, seeing this as an answer to Cartoon Network's Toonami, and taking up a lot of Toon Disney’s programming. I'm not kidding; anyone who is not a Gen Z at that time HATED it with a vengeance! Even to this day, it was considered by many to be the absolute WORST Disney intellectual property of all time!

Walter: Say what you want about Disney ruining Marvel and Star Wars! At least they tried to make it good!

Yinyangyofan24: (shouting) They were already good from the beginning!

Nostalgia Critic (vo): Also, Jetix did what no other programming blocks would ever do: appearing every single day...on two channels! I mean it, both mornings on ABC Family and prime time on Toon Disney! That's going balls all out! But, just like Toonami, I didn’t watch enough Jetix in order to understand how much it impacted its viewers. Hell, I was on a verge of graduating college a couple months after its debut. I only watched it for its reruns of Gargoyles, X-Men, and The Tick. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s one of those things I defend. It’s because it surprisingly had a lot of potential. Alongside airing every single day on two channels, they have a reputation for keeping their lineups consistent, original shows with promise despite pissing critics and Disney fans off, and an agreeably cool mascot! It was more than just a typical cartoon lineup, it was a brand for its own content. And I think that kind of hatred for it in such a span of decades REALLY feels harsh and unneeded!

Tamara: Of course it's needed! You can watch baby videos on YouTube, and you'll still get more out of that!

Yinyangyofan24 (vo): Despite that, Jetix had EVERYTHING! It had bumpers, PSAs, games, contests, a cool mascot, and an interactive TV card game!

(Everyone else except Yinyangyofan24 looked on in confusion.)

Yinyangyofan24: No, really. That actually happened!

Nostalgia Critic: How come I missed that?

Yinyangyofan24 (vo): And don't forget, the most kick-ass and...sadly the most overlooked shows on air! Despite the effort put in their material, Jetix’s lifespan is pretty short: lasting from Valentine’s Day 2004 to Friday the 13th 2009. That’s just one day before it can even have its fifth anniversary! Nevertheless, those who love Jetix continue to talk about it even to this day, and it has gained a cult following over time. While there's only a few that can be viewed today, most of the shows sadly didn’t get a home video release, or even aired on TV anymore, not even for streaming. And most of them have already faded into obscurity, even though there are just a mere few many called hidden gems.

Walter: (smacks Yinyangyofan24 on the head repeatedly with his hat.) Because…IT…IS…AWFUL!!!

Yinyangyofan24: Quit it! It’s not bad, just didn’t have enough momentum, that’s all.

Nostalgia Critic: And I still don’t know much about Jetix. I wonder if there is anyone who grew up with it so they can tell me what difference it made to so much.

(There was no answer, only cricket chirps.)

Heather: (sarcastically) Well, what do you think?

(Yinyangyofan24 raises his hand, claiming he's the only one who grew up with Jetix.)

Yinyangyofan24: That’s where I come in!

Nostalgia Critic: That’s great! You can tell us what kind of impact Jetix made to so much people!

Yinyangyofan24: Thank you. And, keeping with the theme of the episode, I would like you to meet our special guest star…Jay! Yeah, that’s really his official name!

(The mascot, named Jay, of the Jetix logo, appears, being cheerful and greets everyone; everyone except Critic and Yinyangyofan24 were horrified)

Malcolm: What the fuck is that?!

Tamara: It looks like an anime, cat-mouse thing, fused with the Mouse Trap marble.

(Jay, offended, morphs into a giant fist, punching Malcolm and Tamara.)

Malcolm: Ow!

Tamara: Oh, God! That hurt!

Yinyangyofan24: Now, now. Don’t insult Jay! He’s sensitive. (Jay winks) Is everyone ready?

Walter: (pleading) Please! Anything but that!

Tamara: (praying) Please, O Lord! Take me out of this world!

Yinyangyofan24: Oh, stop whining! And I'm recording this review with my laptop. When this wraps up, we’re gonna show it to the world how wonderful Jetix is! They’ll understand!

Nostalgia Critic (vo): (as more Jetix clips play) We've waited far too long to give it more attention! So let's get movin'!

Yinyangyofan24: (paranoid as Malcolm, Tamara, Walter, and Heather glare at him with creepy music playing) As long no one tries to kill me over this. (The creepy music then stops playing as Yinyangyofan24 changes his tune on the fly.) THIS IS JETIX! (imitates an electric guitar)

Tamara: Your sudden change in emotion scares me.

(The World of Jetix theme songs starts playing.)

Lincoln Loud: Greatest show ever!

Singers: The world of Jetix belongs to you! (We're going to the world of Jetix, world of Jetix!)

Angry Grandpa: (screaming)

Singers: The World of Jetix, a magic adventure, to somewhere new.

Ego: You really need to grow up!

Singers: Together we fight all the forces of evil! All heroes unite! (We cut to Animaniacs where Dr. Scratchansniff signals kooky in the head with his finger.) It's time to stand up for what is right!

Singers: We learn what it takes today, the speed and the power to go our way!

Hellboy: You're fucking nuts!

Singers: You are a part of the team now, you are ready to go, on an adventure to save the world! Fly with me.

Caesar: No!

Singers: (We are going to the world of Jetix!) Fly with me. (Come on, come on, come on!)

Homelander: Is your idiot brain getting fucked by stupid?

Singers: The world of Jetix, belongs to you. (It belongs to you!)

Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Singers: The world of Jetix, a magic adventure to somewhere new. (To somewhere new!)

Napoleon Dynamite: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up!

Singers: The world of Jetix, belongs to you. Welcome to the world of---

(The theme song finishes playing followed by an explosion.)

Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!
Yinyangyofan24 and Nostalgia Critic: JETIX!!!

Yinyangyofan24: Please note we are not going to look at every show on Jetix. So don't expect us to review reruns of older shows, unless I say otherwise. And we'll start with Jetix's first original installment: Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!

Nostalgia Critic: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Could you slow down a bit? I didn't catch that long title.

Yinyangyofan24 (clearly and slowly): Super...Robot...Monkey...Team...Hyper...Force...Go!

Nostalgia Critic (confused): Could you put that in English?

Yinyangyofan24: Super Robot Monkey Team---(gives up) just show it!

(Title card of Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go! and music play.)

Power Rangers (Disney-Era)
Yinyangyofan24 (vo): (as music various clips of Power Rangers seasons play) I'll be honest: if there was ONE thing I could agree with the haters on, it would be that the ONLY reason worth watching Jetix was for Power Rangers.

Nostalgia Critic: (groans in irritation)

Yinyangyofan24: Let me guess, still not a fan?

Nostalgia Critic: That's okay. Just get it out of the system while I suffer through it.

Yinyangyofan24: Your funeral.

Yinyangyofan24 (vo): (music and various Power Rangers clips still play) I'd be lying if this episode's complete without me talking about this juggernaut of a franchise.

Mystic Force
Yinyangyofan24: Of all of the Power Rangers seasons produced by Disney, Mystic Force was so far my favorite.