Nim's Island (The Private Reviewer)

(we open to the Private Reviewer sitting in the chair)

The Private Reviewer: Hello, I'm the Private Reviewer. I remember it—I DON'T wanna review this movie. I really don't. There are just some things in this world you don't wanna watch, and you don't think you ever have to... but SO many people have requested that I review it that I simply have no choice. I have to review Nim's Island.

(the title is shown and the movie clips as PR speaks)

PR (vo): Despite the movie is decent... (The Rotten Tomatoes audience rating for this movie, which is shown to be 52%) What am I missing, guys? It was just very predictable and boring all the way through. The only reason I saw this movie is because I wanted to kill sometime on the plane and this movie was available on screen and still regret seeing it. I give it some credit though since it's a movie young girls might like or few girls who are teens that still like movies like this. Maybe I really disliked it because it had Jodie Foster in it or something, but I really wanted this movie to end just few minutes into it. Now I sometimes like watching movies for that are for younger audiences but this isn't one of them I could appreciate. For anyone looking for a movie for younger audiences or family film might want to look elsewhere. I can see how it just might have it's target audiences but it's mostly a dull and boring movie with a very predictable direction.

PR: Gah, it's underrated. But I don't like this movie... Totally grated on my sense of taste... and what was up with Elisa's pricked foot can be violent? (a picture of The Wild Swans where a closeup shot of Elisa's pricked foot is shown in the corner) With that said, let's take a look at Nim's Island.

(Twentieth Century Fox logo appears)

PR (vo): Oh, that's a great Disney studio sign.

(Universal Pictures logo appears in other countries)

PR (vo): Oh, that's even better what John Landis can do.

(Summit Entertainment logo appears internationally)

PR (vo): What, are they gonna show the people who catered the movie next?

?????

PR: Explain, movie! Explain!

?????

Jack: What are you afraid of?

Alex: Everything!

PR (as Beverly Glenn-Copeland from Shining Time Station, singing) So, what am I afraid of?

(cut quickly to Butterscotch and Soda where Little Audrey screams zooms out of the mouth, cut quickly to PR yelps in freak out. Back to the movie...)

?????

Alex: Beautiful ocean, isn't it just great?

Alexandra: [immitating Alex's Scottish accent] No, it isn't just gr-r-reat.

PR: Ha. [immitating a Scottish accent] Not gr-r-reat.

?????

Alexandra: I took a plane, I took a helicopter, I stole a boat!

PR (vo, as Alexandra): I took a roast beast, I took a who hash, I stole that piece of--

(a iguana scares Alexandra, she screams and runs a bit until bumps into a tree and fell. PR finally lets out a laugh)

PR: Drat! (hits the table with his fists in frustration) You see that one bumping off at the tree? That would be explain!

?????

PR: Well, this movie makes no sense. But you should NOT be here. I'm the Private Reviewer, I remember it because Nostalgia Critic doesn't. (gets up and leaves)

THE END

Tagline: Alex Rover: Beautiful ocean, isn't it just great?

Alexandra Rover: [immitating Alex's Scottish accent] No, it isn't just gr-r-reat.