Marvel's Astonishing Thunderbolts/Quotes

Promo-clip

 * (it starts with a view of Deadpool's apartment. We see Gwen Poole in her gym suit texting on her phone until she notices the viewers)
 * Gwen Poole: (enthusiastically) What's up, New York! It's me Gwen Poole! But you may call me... (she leaps into a nearby door, and then she comes back in her Gwenpool suit) the unbelievable Gwenpool! Deadpool and I can't wait for you guys to watch our new show in Hulu, the Astonishing Thunderbolts! You're gonna piss yourselves! I promise!
 * Deadpool: (coming by) And so do I, my sweets! And no chances we're gonna get cancelled like my other cartoon! Cause you're gonna love it!
 * Punisher: (we see Punisher sitting in a chair drinking beer) Ugh, get real, Wilson. They still gonna hate it. 'Cause, you know, they hate everything.
 * Deadpool: No ways they are. The comedy, the action, and incredibly gratuitus violence... and unlike those kid shows that Spider-Man and Ant-Girl brought you guys, you're gonna see some [beeps] heads blown up to bits!
 * Punisher: I was expecting a show that was super gritty, and bleak, and depressing. (stares at the viewers) You know, like a Marvel thing.
 * Gwenpool: That's a pretty excellent way to make television and film. But everyone in our show will have fun, 'cause there's no [beep] limits in mayhem!
 * Cable: (having via teleportation; to Deadpool and Gwenpool) You two bozos ain't spoiling the show just now, are you?
 * Gwenpool: Uh, no. Absolutwly not. Eh.
 * Deadpool: Yeah, it was just announcement. (the show's logo title is presented) And there's the logo, sweets!!
 * Gwenpool: YAY!! I love it!
 * Punisher: They're gonna hate it.
 * (end of trailer)

Trailer

 * (we see a sequence of the Thunderbolts loading their weapons and tools, ending with Gwenpool popping a chew gum and smiling at the viewers)
 * Deadpool: (breaking the fourth wall) Cue the music.
 * (trailer is followed by the song "Na Na Na" by My Chemical Romance plays)
 * (a small sequence of the team's line-up (showing one member per second) plays)
 * Taglines: "From the universe of Marvel's Spider-Man..."
 * (we see the Thunderbolts entering a room after Red Hulk breaks through the frontdoors. We later see Gwenpool in a bar with Domino)
 * Gwenpool: This shit's gonna have nuts in it!
 * (we see scenes of Punisher decimating a crew of thugs in a warehouse with a minigun, Domino texting on her phone while a muscular thug running behind her is hit by a train, Hercules breaking a prison inmate's back)
 * Taglines: "THUNDER STRIKES"
 * (scene shows Cable with Agent Venom in a S.H.I.E.L.D.)
 * Agent Venom: Sounds like we're the Dark Avengers or stuff...
 * Cable: More like Thunderbolts.
 * (scene shows montages of scenes introducing the Thunderbolts)
 * Taglines: "DEADPOOL" (Deadpool is shown taking down some Hydra agents and exploding a tank) "GWENPOOL" ' "DONIMO" ' "CABLE" ' "PUNISHER" ' "AGENT VENOM" ' "HERCULES" (Hercules is shown in a fist to fist fight against Mr. Sinister) "RED HULK" '

TBD...

01) “Initiation, Part 1: Pools' Party”

 * (Gwen Poole is at a restaurant in prison while a shy guard approaches her to hand her her phone)
 * Shy Guard: (terrified) Please, don't hurt me! Please, don't hurt me! Please, don't hurt me! (whimpers until Gwen takes her phone and gently pats his cheek) Oh, thank God. I thought you were gonna...
 * Gwen Poole: Hurt you? No. You're too cute and sweet for me to hurt. A lot more than...
 * J. Jonah Jameson: (off-screen)  I NEED THAT PHONE!!
 * Gwen Poole: Jesus, this guy. (we see J. Jonah Jameson confronting a inmate over a phone)
 * Inmate: (kicks Jameson away from him) Go write your Daily Bugle shit on someone else's phone, Jameson! I ain't givin' you mine!
 * J. Jonah Jameson: (growls frustrated) Fuck sake! (sees Gwen texting on her phone) You! I'm gonna need that phone!
 * Gwen Poole: Fuck off, Hitler.
 * J. Jonah Jameson: (grabs her wrist; alarmed) What'd you say?!
 * Gwen Poole: I said: (grabs Jameson's jacket, snaps suddenly shouting) FUCK OFF, HITLER!!!
 * (Jameson's expression changes to a frozen, horrified one as Gwen quickly leaps on him and savagely bites his left ear, causing him to scream in agony. She then proceeds to mercilessly beat him up with the guards and inmates just watching; one guard even enjoys the scene while eating popcorn)
 * J. Jonah Jameson: (Gwen pins him down and giggles wickedly while shaking her fingers; Jameson realizes in panic what she is about to do) No, no, no, no. No, no, no, don't do it! No, no, no, please! Have mercy! (Gwen cripples Jameson's nipples) WAAAAAAH!! AAAARRRGHH!!
 * Guard: I gotta admit it. He had that shit coming. (his walkie-talkie rings and answers) Yes? Yeah? Got it. Hey, GP. (Gwen stops beating Jameson up and listens to him) Come on over here, babe.
 * Gwen Poole: Coming in. (she walks by, leaving Jameson laying in the ground, traumatized and shaking in pain) What's goin' on? (a guard hands her a box full of her belongings) That's all the stuff from my cell.
 * Guard: You don't have a cell, babe. Not anymore. You're free to go.
 * Gwen Poole: But I still got 10 months left. Why so soon?
 * Female Guard: Someone who says to appreciate you so hard just negotiated and paid for your release. And that someone is waiting for you outside right now.
 * Gwen Poole: Who? (outside, she encounters her liberator next to his car. She is overjoyed to know who is it) Oh. My. FUCKING. GOD!!! It's totally him!! (cut to the liberator, revealed to be Deadpool)
 * Deadpool: Hya, hottie. (winks)

08) “It's the Juggernaut Bitch!”

 * (Agent Venom traps Juggernaut in a vat of cement)
 * Juggernaut: Don't you know who I am?! I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!
 * Gwenpool: Your name's "Juggernaut Bitch"?
 * Juggernaut: What? No! (Deadpool and Agent Venom laugh hysterically over Gwenpool's joke) What are you laughing at?!
 * Deadpool: (still laughing) Sorry, just didn't realize you had orgies with real juggernauts. (continues laughing)
 * Cable: (annoyed) Oh, fuck sake.


 * (Juggernaut has Nick Fury cornered; Fury is not concerned)
 * Juggernaut: Any last words before I smash ya?!
 * Nick Fury: Say good night, motherfucker.
 * (Gwenpool takes advantage of the distraction to empale Juggernault's buttocks with electrified cables, shocking him before Fury and Cable blast him off the Helicarrier with their guns. Juggernaut is last seen falling in a vat of molten steel at Roxxon)