Jack Galaxy: "Darker Measures" (Transcript)

Background
This is the full transcript for the second episode of 2024 anime webseries, Jack Galaxy.

Script
ZEDARNDA: Previously on Jack Galaxy…

[Recap]

JACK: [sees Mars] Oh my god… is that Mars? It's beautiful… There's so much water.

JACK: It'd be cool if we got a girl on our crew.

ZEDARNDA (in a just-woke-up kinda voice): Hey, what are you guys doing?

JACK: Listen, lassy… This is gonna be a lot to take in… But we're actually pirates.

ZEDARNDA: So that's why you were thievin' and all that stuff?

Z: We prefer "plundering," but yeah.

ZEDARNDA: Can I join your crew?

JACK: And now…

Deep Limit, Lightspeed, Int.

ZEDARNDA: So, you boys are gonna teach me how to steal unfinished content from an animation studio in the Deep Limit, and anonymously make it available to all internet users on earth?

JACK: Loaded sentence, but yes. That is exactly it.

ZEDARNDA: Wow. But does this even fall under the "piracy" category?

Z: Honestly doesn't even matter at this point, we're just general criminals.

Later

ZEDARNDA: Well, I did it… now what?

JACK: Now, we set sail for the Dark Limit!

ZEDARNDA: "Video has been blocked by the Republic of Deep Space, as it contains content from Studio Nano Intergalactic."

JACK: Wow, seriously, how'd they find that so quick?

Z: One thing's for certain; we can't stay in Deep Space, now that we've tainted our rep!

JACK: Yeah, Z's right, we'd better move…

[OP2 (the original opening, "Ultimate Prize")]

Everybody wants to be the one

Everybody wants to be the one

To defeat the bad guys

Everybody wants to try to

Everybody wants to try and

Win the Ultimate prize

Well

How 'bout in trying they'll soon be dead?

And how 'bout we flip that story on its head?

So

This is Jack

Leader of the pack

(The alpha)

But not like that!

The world he seeks cannot be foretold

But if you wanna steal gold,

He's got your back!

Now let's hand it over to Z

And you'll see

He's the man

(He's the man)

Second in command

Zedarnda's the girl from out of this world

Lotta fun

On the run

From a crazy bad dad

Gonna get the Ultimate prize

Anyone who gets in their way will pay

The Ultimate price

Pandora!

Risha!

Don't forget

Protag!

The crew's gonna need ya

To beat the antag

And finally find

The Ultimate prize

"Jack Galaxy: ジャック・ギャラクシー"

"1.2: Darker Measures"

Outer Space, the Jumping Jimmy, Int.

CAPTAIN ZELDALIS: Do you know why I hired you, Kyoto?

SHIKO: Yes, captain. My assignment is to find and murder your daughter–

ZELDALIS: NO! What?! I'd like my daughter to be brought back alive, thank you. It's the two boys that I want dead. Think you can remember that, you… freak?

SHIKO: Yes, captain.

ZELDALIS: … You're such a hot piece of lunch. You just make me wanna rip that shirt off and… massage your collarbone.

SHIKO: Yes, captain.

[Zeldalis quietly giggles to himself]

ZELDALIS: Who hired this idiot?

[Important to note that Jack and Z must wear space suits in order to breathe, unlike the extraterrestrial characters]

Dark Space, Japanese Supermarket, Ext.

JACK: Alright crew. We're here for one thing, and one thing only. That thing being Value Pack Instant Noodles, so no getting side-tracked!

Dark Space, Japanese Supermarket, Int.

[Shift focus to a new character; a 4'10" shopkeeper who carries a sword at all times]

RISHA: Katana! Give me a read on these newcomers…

KATANA (Risha's sword): The two males with a penis are world-reviled teenage criminals back on earth. The female being who possesses a vagina is a 20 year-old extraterrestrial from the Outer Limit. She is also the daughter of Captain Zeldalis.

RISHA: Outsiders. As I suspected. [Does unnecessary-yet-impressive stunts to the noodle aisle]  STOP RIGHT THERE! I will not let you steal those Value Pack Instant Noodles.

JACK: Huh? [Looks down] Awwww, look at you. What might your name be, you little cutie?

RISHA: I am Risha Tatsuke. But call me Tatsuke!

JACK: And, how old and tall? [Turns around] Hey. Dude–are you filming this?

SHONEN PROTAG: Uh…

JACK: What's your name?

SHONEN: Shonen? Shonen Protag?

JACK: I bet you'd be slick with capturing video footage of theatrical movies. Welcome to the Lightspeeds, champ.

SHONEN: Huh?

[A handsome zaddy enters and pulls out a blade]

RISHA: HEY! [Rushes to the entrance]

JACK: Oh! Her sword is just adorable.

Z: It's about half her height, the little pipsqueak!

ZEDARNDA: That's really not cool, you guys.

[Shiko kicks Risha out of his way, and advances toward his real targets]

SHIKO: Boys. You die here, and the captain's daughter comes with me.

JACK: Um. How 'bout none of that happens, pervert?

[Shiko almost stabs his sword into Jack's neck]

[Risha stabs Shiko in the back, piercing through his stomach]

Z: Whoa!

RISHA: [removes her sword] I'm 22 years old and 4-foot-ten inches.

JACK: Th–thank you for saving my life, Tatsuke.

SHONEN: Yo, today be crazyass wild.

RISHA: Mm-hm. But don't think that you're off the hook now, just because–

JACK: You know, we could use a swordsman like you on our team.

RISHA: I prefer "swordsperson."

JACK: Well you seem like more of a "man" kinda gal to me… Lemme ask you somethin'; Have you ever stolen? Or perhaps made some illegal copies here and there?

RISHA: I have. In the past. But I'm not like that anymore.

JACK: Well I think you should revisit and embrace that lifestyle.

RISHA: [softly, letting her guard down] Wh… wha?

JACK: Hidden deep within you is bad girl Tatsuke, just begging to be let out of that bad girl body of yours. So, let. Her. Out.

SHONEN: Yah, join us!

RISHA: I suppose… I'd be up for a life of crime, if there's good food.

JACK: So, whadya say?

RISHA: I'm in… call me Risha.

[Shiko gets up and knocks everyone out, Jack's being the only knockout shown on-camera]

Void Galactic Prison

Jack: [wakes up] Oh, what the hell?

[ED1 plays]