It's Not Even New Anymore

"It's Not Even New Anymore" is the name of the first issue of a Forbush Man limited series within Marvel NEW.

Synopsis
Forbush Man finds out there has been a total reboot and isn't happy about it, so he decides to do what his comics do best and point out everything wrong with it.

Plot
Narrator: It is said there are five stages of grief... Denial.

Forbush Man: They're doing a total reboot!? no, this can't be happening, it isn't happening! it must be some kind of joke!

Narrator: Anger.

Forbush Man: Damn it! how could they do this!?

Narrator: Bargaining.

Forbush Man is seen busting in to a building, running up to a woman behind a desk.

Forbush Man: You need to let me in to this building so I can convince them not to do this! come on lady, I'll give you a hundred bucks!

Narrator: Depression.

Forbush Man is back at his home, sitting on the floor crying.

Forbush Man: Why God!? why have you abandoned us!? I mean I know that for whatever reason you're literally a sociopath in this universe, but I didn't think you'd do this!

Narrator: Acceptance... but we know that'll never happen, so he'll probably just keep being sad for a bit.

Forbush Man lies on the floor making high pitched freaky noises for a bit before eventually picking himself back up.

Forbush Man: No! I refuse to do nothing! I'm going to get up and do what I do best! make fun of people less talanted than me!

He grabs his coat and heads outside only to stop and realize he doesn't wear a coat, so he throws it away and runs off.

Forbush Man: Okay what's the best place to start?

He pulls out his phone and begins flicking through Marvel NEW's titles.

Forbush Man: New Warriors? They're always fun! Maybe the reboot isn't so bad after a- ...it hasn't even been started? How old is this reboot again?

Forbush Man continues his walk down the street, passing many bizarre sights, including the Exiles who have all been sludged together, Deadpool dressed as a clown while crying and trying to take his own life, and Spider-Man who is suddenly turned in to a baby.

Forbush Man: Huh... only one or two comics where women are actually important... amazing representation. Wow, the founder barely does anything a founder is supposed to, he mainly just flops around! ..."Ego the Living Plant"? I refuse to give this thing any attention- I CAN SEE YOU BACK THERE!!!!

All the strange people turn to face Forbush, and instantly run as fast as they can.

Forbush Man: Weirdos... GAH!

As he turns back around he faces a man in a black coat, looking like Neo from the Matrix or something.

Two: Do not be alarmed. My name is Two. This is my helper. Six.

Six waves.

Forbush Man: I give two why?

Two: Because Irving... we are people who do not like Marvel NEW.

Forbush Man: What!? I thought I was the only one!

Two: The plot holes, the aged down characters, the unfinished stories, the terrible, TERRIBLE writing... we hate it all... and we need your help to erase Marvel NEW from existence.

Forbush Man: ...Now this comic is starting to get interesting!

NEXT: Character Development is The Devil