The Loud House Movie/Transcript

(After the companies are shown, it cuts to show a view of Bangers & Mosh at night with Death of a Bachelor playing. It cuts to inside as everyone's enjoying themselves & shifts to a young Lynn & Rita)

Lynn Sr.: So what about your day?

Rita: My day was fine. I see you want to be a chef. That's nice.

Lynn Sr.: Yeah, it is. But I'm stuck with this IT job for the time being. One day, I will become a chef myself.

Rita: Yeah, it's strange that Albert knew that I would date an older boy, even though he knows I'm bisexual.

Lynn Sr.: Yeah, that is strange for a new dental assistant.

Waiter (passing them their meals): Dinner is served.

(As they eat, we pan over to where Maximus is sitting, eyeing them)

Waiter: And here's your meal, sir.

Maximus: Thanks, keep the change. (He then starts eats as he continues eyeing the couple)

(Later as Lynn Sr & Rita were leaving, Maximus meets up with them)

Lynn Sr.: Who are you?

Maximus: I'm Maximus Vice. You can call me Max.

Rita: He's a friend of mine. Max, do you mind? We're trying to end off our evening. I know you liked it when I gave you that kiss on the cheek after saving me from getting run over a week ago, but could you come back some other time.

Maximus: Alright, then. Sorry about that. See ya. (As they leave, he says ominously) If I can't have you, no one can.

(Later that night, we cut to the apartment where Lynn Sr. & Rita are staying at.)

(Lynn Sr. & Rita come home & start making out with Maximus watching them outside, calculating when he should enter their apartment. He smashes the lock off & enters the apartment. He the jumps out the window & climbs the wall to their apartment.)

(He waits until Lynn Sr. got up to clean off in the shower, puts on a ski mask & then breaks down the window & goes after Rita, while Lynn is showering. Lynn Sr. then sees Maximus pinning Rita down)

Lynn Sr.: Let her go!

Maximus: Alright. I'm not just here to kill ''her. I'm here to kill you!'' (throws Rita aside & lunges at him & starts fighting him by ramming him into the wall, but was able to break from him & smashes a picture frame over Maximus' head)

(They then start fighting all around the room & slam each other over the cupboard & the kitchen table with Maximus being able to beat Lynn Sr.)

(Maximus then starts the sink & fills it with water to drown him, which he does as he rammed Lynn Sr.'s head into the water)

(Rita, having recovered, grabs a knife & stabs him in the back, where he screams in pain & Lynn Sr. is saved from drowning. She then calls 911)

911 Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Rita: There's a killer in our apartment!! He's killing my boyfriend!!

(Maximus then grabs the phone, smashes to pieces & goes after her again.)

(Maximus then injects a serum into her back, only to get hit in the back by Lynn Sr. with one of the chairs from the kitchen.)

(Maximus then goes back to attacking Lynn, throwing his head through the window & throws him to the other side, but just when he's about to kill him, Lynn Sr. points to tell him to look behind him)

Maximus: She's not dead & behind me, isn't she?

(Lynn Sr. nods, Maximus turns around & Rita smacks him with a lamp, knocking out him out.)

(Awhile later, the police arrived, but Maximus ran away before they came & Lynn Sr. & Rita are carried out on stretchers.)

Police Officer #1: Can you describe him for us?

Rita: It was too dark for us to see.

Police Officer #2: It'll be fine, ma'am. We'll find him.

(It then jumps to the 1990s with a pregnant Rita & Lynn Sr. trying to support her, but they noticed water in the floor)

Rita: The baby's coming!!

Lynn Sr. (quickly): Oh, crap! Oh, crap! Let's go!

(They race to the hospital, but get stuck in traffic. So they come with an idea by jumping on top of the cars & then starts running to the hospital, which they were able to make it there.)

(It later cuts to after Lori being born & then she's taken home with her parents & then cuts to Lynn Sr. & Rita being woken up by Lori's crying, who calms down after Rita gave her her phone.)

Rita: She really seems to like my phone. (then goes back to sleep)

Lynn Sr.: At least, no one noticed her head shape or webbed feet.

(Young Lori is seen sleeping with the phone & then cuts to black where the opening credits show with The Loud House Mix playing.)

(It then cuts to morning in Royal Woods & later The Loud House with My House playing in the background)

(It cuts to Lincoln's room where he wakes up & then gets startled by the audience.)

Lincoln: Aah!! Oh, hi there. (gets up) I'm Lincoln Loud, the middle child & token male of the Loud Kids & this is my room. Let me introduce you to my sisters. (The camera moves away from him & locks the door on him.) HEY! Let me out! I need to get ready!

(It then moves to Lori & Leni's room with Leni noticing the audience)

Leni: Aah! Lori!! We're being watched by creeps!!

(Lori then turns the camera over to her)

Lori: Get out of our room!!! (kicks out the camera & it moves to Luna & Luan's room.)

(Luna is seen playing & notices the audience)

Luna: Wasn't expecting an audience this early.

Luan: They're not here for you. They're here for my jokes, Canon foder. (laughs) Get it? (The camera hits her head)

Luna: Guess not. Or maybe they did, but it wasn't funny.

(The 2 start fighting & the camera gets hit with a ball with Lynn noticing.)

Lynn: Uh... (runs away downstairs & Lily passes by)

(The camera then goes to the twins room)

Lola: (squees) Finally someone I can give makeup to!

Lana: Lola, they're here to check out my new frog. Not to get a makeover.

Lola: They are!

Lana: They're not!

(The 2 also start fighting & the camera moves to Lynn & Lucy's room, but no one's there. Lincoln then arrives)

Lincoln: There you are! (hears Lola & Lana & Luan & Luan fighting) Uhh!!! Be right back. Don't move! (leaves the camera goes into the venting & Lincoln is heard saying) Dang It!!

(The camera goes through the vents & sees Lucy picking up her tarot cards. She notices the camera.)

Lucy: Can't talk! I gotta get ready for something awful! Can't tell! Spoilers!!! (leaves)

(Lincoln is heard crawling though the vents)

(The camera moves to Lisa & Lily's room & crashing into Lisa's experiment)

Lisa: My experiment! You keep it occupied while I go find a stabilizer.

(Lincoln kicks the vent off)

Lincoln: This isn't how I wanted to start my day or my movie! (notices the experiment) Uh, oh (runs & the experiment explodes, sending Lincoln crashing into the garage & onto the bicycle) I hate my life. (screams as he goes careening down to the street ending up past Flip's food & fuel. Lincoln then appears again with red slush on him.) MMMMM.... cherry!

(Flip comes out, shaking his fist)

Flip: THOSE FLIPPIES AREN'T GOING TO PAY FOR THEMSELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Lincoln then starts going through a lot of houses including Tetherby's)

Tetherby: First, you & your sisters spray me with mustard & now you go through my house without warning! LOUD!!!!

(Lincoln then goes into the park crashing through the park rangers office)

Lincoln: Sorry, about that Mr. Ranger.

Park ranger: Who cares? (broken) NOBODY COMES HERE ANYWAY! (puts his arms & head on his desk & cries)

(Lincoln goes into a sewage plant, accidentally causing a septic meltdown & the place explodes, sending Lincoln into the river until he washed ashore)

Lincoln: I better get home! (reaches his home & jumps through the holes he went through the explosion back to Lisa & Lily's room, where Leni & Lynn are used as battering rams by the other sisters)

Lisa: Where were you at?

Lincoln: I just landed in the backyard.

Lynn: For that long?

Lincoln: Yeah. (They leave & speaks to the audience) I know! Sometimes a white lie works for everyone.

Lucy: We're still here.

Lincoln: Aaah!! You are?

Lisa: Yeah, we know about your talking to the audience.

Lincoln (annoyed): Let's put in the next scene then. (he & his sisters pull the right side of the screen to the next shot to Royal Woods Junior High) That was easy. (hears people talking about The Destroyer)

Clyde: Did you hear about the Destroyer?

Lincoln (nervous): No, I haven't. (takes Clyde into a janitor's closet) I'm actually the Destroyer.

Clyde: Wait, you are?!

Lincoln: Don't tell anyone. Besides, what am I going to tell my sisters?

(It cuts to the News Report of the Destroyer)

News Man Tucker: Earlier this morning, a reckless criminal being coined the Destroyer, wrecked Royal Woods this morning. (as he says this Maximus arrives to Royal Woods whose now as old as Lynn Sr. & Rita) No one exactly knows who the destroyer is, but the investigation is still ongoing.

(It zooms out to the Loud sisters.)

Lori: That is litteraly horrible!

Lynn: Yeah! When I get my hands on that destroyer, I am going to kill him!

(Lincoln comes downstairs)

Lincoln (nervous): The news is not that interesting. There's a rumor going around that 90% of the news given out is not true.(He takes the TV remote & kept changing channels until ARRGH appears.)

Lucy: I saw something in my cards earlier today.

Lynn: It better not be me waiting for the bathroom again.

Lori: Or me literally getting blasted by air.

Lincoln: Or making me ultra-paranoid.

Lucy: It's not that, or that, or that. They said that something from our families' past will change everything we know & it'll take all of us to overcome it.

Lincoln: Just like the Destroyer, that's just made up. (Lisa is stunned that he took the words out of her mouth. Just then, the doorbell is heard.) I'll get it. (opens it & sees Maximus) Who are you exactly?

Maximus: Oops...where are my manners? Call me Maximus... Maximus Vice. I am an old friend of your mother.

Lori: OK well, we're her kids (Maximus looks inside and see all 11 kids.)

Maximus (shocked by how much kids there are): OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Lynn: Yeah, I know. It's fine once you get used to it.

Maximus: (calmed down) Can I see your parents?

Luna: They're not here right now.

Maximus: Where are they then?I

Luan: They're still at work.

Maximus: Can I come in?

Lincoln: Sure.

Maximus: So how is it being the token male, Lincoln?

Lincoln: How do you know my name?

Maximus: I just guessed.

Lincoln: Fine, I guess.

Maximus: Can you all show me around?

All Loud Kids (suspiciously): Sure.... (looking at him suspiciously)

Maximus: Why are you all looking at me like that? I'm not a bad guy.

All Loud Kids: We know, we think, but why didn't Mom & Dad bring you up?

Maximus: I'm not sure.

Lisa: We just need to keep an eye on you while we show you around.

(A montage shows the Loud kids showing Maximus around the house)

Lisa: Stay here, while we pee since we haven't gone bathroom since you got here. (leaves along with her sisters & brother)

(Maximus then locks the door & checks the vents since he learned that Lucy travels through here. He then begins to looking over Lisa's information on herself & her siblings)

Lincoln: What are you doing in there?

Maximus: Don't you have a bathroom to go to? And stop listening against the door! (Lincoln does, but tricks him & others listen in)

Lola: What's he doing?

Lisa: Better not messing up with my algorithms. (tries to open the door, but can't) How are we supposed to get in?

Lucy (points off-camera): To the vents!!

(It cuts back to Maximus, checking their information & sabotages one of Lisa's experiments, only to hear the vents thumping & Lucy kicks the vent off)

Maximus: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8o5fxnDUjs Clever girls... and a boy.] (gets tackled by them & tossed into the dumpster by them)

(Later Lynn Sr. & Rita come home)

Lincoln: Mom...

Rita: Yeah, sweetie?

Lincoln: There was this man named Maximus that came earlier & said that he was an old friend of yours. Do you know what he was talking about?

Lynn Sr: First of all, don't you ever let strangers in without permission ever again & second of all, that man was really a friend of ours for a while.

(It cuts them to having dinner)

Lori: Lisa, what do you think that man did to your chemicals?

Lisa: Well, lets just hope it wasn't to poison us or something.

Lincoln: I hope not. That would be even worse than finding out about of records going missing.

Lynn Sr.: (spits water out of mouth) Wait, you know about that!?!?!?!

Luna: Yeah, why are you so worried.

(silence for a second)

Rita: Hon, we have to tell them.

Luan: (confused) Tell us what?

Rita: Kids, we are so sorry. We love you guys very much. You make our day all the time. It just that... we were planning to have 2-3 kids

(the kids sans Lily stare at their parents in shock & get up with Lynn Sr. & Rita follow.)

(Once in the living room, Lynn Sr. & Rita see their kids start laughing like this & even harder, which then changes to crying & later angrily screaming, which then cuts to this. Later, the kids are together, hair looking bad & looking a little weak.)

Loud Kids (sedated): Okay. Our happy gummies have kicked in. The appropriate response to that piece of news is the Comedy Central clip (cue clip [f word is censored]) You tell 'em, Bill Nye. You tell 'em. (a chandelier then falls on them, knocking them out cold)

Lynn Sr: I knew they weren't going to take well, especially since they just found out about him (he & Rita bring the bodies to bed) You know. I'm surprised Lily isn't upset.

Rita: Well, what do you expect? She's only a baby. She dosen't know much.

(Lily starts to cry & Lynn Sr. & Rita facepalms)

Lynn Sr.: I guess she realized.

(Little do they or the others that they're being watched by Maximus & 2 invisible portals, which then heads into the first portal, which Linka & her brothers watching through the portal in Levi & Leon's room)

Linka: Well that escalated quickly.

Loki: Yeah, it did.

Lexx: So, Levi. Who are those people?

Levi: They're us, but as the opposite gender.

Loni: Like our lost-long sisters & brother?

Boy Lynn: It's odd that my female self is also named Lynn.

Linka: I think we should help them, just in case something like that happens again.

Lars: Agreed.

Luke: Levi, get the portal ready when that happens alright?

Levi: Can do.

(It then zooms out as it closes & heads into the other portal where the Daughters of Sin are also watching)

(It then cuts to the next day)

(Lincoln wakes up & realizes what happened last night)

Lincoln: Darn it, I jinxed it!

(Lincoln quietly walks into the school)

Clyde: (notices Lincoln) Hey, Lincoln. What was with the earful through the phone last night?

Lincoln: Earful? When did I call you?

Clyde: Last night. You sounded livid.

Lincoln: I did?

Clyde: You did. Ronnie told me you gave her one as well.

Lincoln: I don't remember that!

(The speaker is on)

P.A.: Attention, all staff & students. It's time for an assembly, because I got to show you this.

(it cuts to everyone in the auditorium)

Huggins (trying not to laugh): Everyone, you may be wondering why I called all of you here today. Well, with this being the last full week of the school year, I figured I'd give you a funny video I found yesterday & I admit I watched it 3 times by myself. Warning, through, as this contains things may not be suitable unless you took health class.

Lincoln: Hey, isn't that what happened last night?!?!

(It shows the Loud Kids meltdown while Combine Harvester plays. First, Lori talks to herself through her hands, Leni rams her into a wall causing her to clench her head, Luna smashes an egg on her head, Luan tries to rip her hair out, Lynn pour several of her balls onto herself & punches Bun Bun, Lincoln cuddles Bun Bun while crying, Lucy dips her head into a bowl full of cockroaches, Lana dribbles her lips, Lola throws her chairs and table from her room & Lisa step on LEGO blocks.)

(Leni's trying to cut herself with a plastic knife)

Leni: Why doesn't this work?!

(Luna's reading one of Rita's erotic novels)

Luna: This is sooooo...deep.

(Lola's holding a bunny in front of Lana, who's licking the inside of one of Lynn Sr.'s shoes)

Lola: ''Look at the pretty bunny! Look at the pretty bunnnyyy! (breaks down crying at the last word)''

(It then cuts to them smashes their fists into their beds, Lori making out with a pillow, Leni, Lincoln & Lana swimming on the couch, Luna punching a brick several times, Luan squirting ketchup across her face, Lynn trying to eat a dry slice in 1 minute, but fails as well as punching herself in the face, Lincoln dumping a can of soda down his pants, Lucy revealing her eyes, showing that she's not right at all, while she tries to suffocate herself with a plastic bag, Lola kicks concrete & hurts her foot & Lisa shoves one of her remote up her butt.)

Lisa (clenching her head): My brain is trying to escape through my ear!!!

''Lincoln (holding Bun Bun): Tell me your secrets. (holds up to his ear, only get scared & paranoid) Bun Bun, Bun Bun, we have to get out of here, We have to... (drops him) BUN BUN!!! (points to the audience) YOU DID THIS!!!!!!''

(It then cuts them drinking their own urine & spitting it out, Lori smashing her foot with a jackhammer, Leni jumping into a trash bin & hopping around until falling over, Luna playing the piano with her head, Luan engulfing herself with whipped cream, Lynn arm wrestling with herself, & Lincoln going inside an empty box with Lucy, Lana, Lola & Lisa and taking a ride down a flight of stairs)

''Luan: Go Web Go! (unleashes a slinky)''

''Leni (while banging her head against a keyboard): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMl8Iw6CcFE Why cant I computer?! WHY?!]''

Lincoln (smelling something & turns to the audience): I smell chicken.

(It then cuts them snort a line of black pepper like cocaine & go on a sneezing fit, Lori takes the Cinnamon Challenge, Leni tries to lick her elbow, Luna hits herself with foosball players from a foosball table, Luna makes several pies & destroy them, Lynn karate chops a piece of wood & fails terribly & bite a full soda can in half, Lincoln rips pages out of his comic books, Lucy grabs a shovel & smack herself in the crotch with it, Lana plays with an electro-ball & Lisa jumps from a trampoline onto a cactus before screaming)

(When the video ends, everyone laughs at Lincoln as he runs away, trying not to cry, noticing his sisters running away & notice the projector they'll watching where the laughing crowd that were chasing them, notices them next to the projector.)

Loud Kids: THIS....ISN'T.....FUNNY!!!!!! (kick the projector out the tray, destroying it, before they run away crying)

(it cuts to their house)

Lincoln: Let me guess... Meltdown?

Lana: Yes! It was unacceptable! (Cries)

Lori: This literally even worse than you upload that video of us! (Cries as well)

Lincoln: Hey, at least it was about you farting & not your feet!

(Everyone looks stunned)

Lori: No no, that's good, I just wanna make sure that's what we're going for there. (Smash cuts to her screaming, ripping stuff off the shelf & throwing them to the floor. She's then shown, curled up in the corner, covering her bare toes with her hands) Don't look at them! They're hideous! I belong in the bell tower! You call me the freak but YOU'RE all the freaks with your FIVE TOED FEET! (hisses).

Luan: Says Miss Bossy Boot! BTW, we should calm down before in-tents. (laughs as everyone growls) Get it?

Luna (angrily): We get it!! But we're not in mood right now.

Luan: Why would I take a concert ruiner seriously?

Lincoln: BTW, Lucy clogged the toilet with that Princess Pony magazine, not me.

Lucy (getting emotional & her voice breaking): Lincoln, you stupid, back-stabbing JERK!!!

Lola: Wait, you didn't clogged the toilet that time?

Lincoln: Of course, I didn't. Also, did you 10 had to be so slow when I had a project?!

Lori: Are you questioning us?!

Lincoln: Maybe, I am.

Leni: Guys. We shouldn't being fighting about that. (sounding angrier) We should be totes fighting over who recorded this?!

Lana: Luan, did you record our meltdown?!

Luna: No, dirt girl! My camera was upstairs!

Lynn: What about you, Lisa?! Did you record us?!

Lisa: Look, while I can be intrusive for research purposes, I wouldn't record that idiotic, you low-life!

Lola: Did you record it, Lori?!

Lori: No, I didn't! I used it during our episode!

(Everyone starts to fight & Lily decides to join in)

(Lynn Sr. & Rita, who have came home at that time

Rita: I never thought my own boss would laugh at that.

Lynn Sr: At least, everything else didn't turn out like that. (they see their kids arguing to their horror.) I should have known. It could get worse.

Rita: Well, stop them before they start swearing.(a huge chunks of bleeps appears)

Lynn Sr: Too late! (slaps all the kids to get them to stop)

Rita: WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT SLAPPING OUR OWN KIDS!?!?!?!?!?!

Lynn Sr: Relax, they stopped fighting.

(The Loud Kids, rubbing their faces from the slap in shock over it and then...)

Loud Kids: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9yc9jj01-M

Lynn Sr. (shocked & horrified): But maybe not quite yet! (Screams & goes with Rita in to their saferoom)

(The Loud Kids resumes their fighting with Lily throwing her dirty diapers all over the place, standard punching & kicking & some of them being dragged around.)

(Lori & Leni fighting upstairs with Lori holding Leni)

Lori: People literally love you more before all this, not me!

Leni: Are you totes jealous of me?!

Lori: Yes!

Leni: I hadn't been this mad since that feud we had over that dress that escalated quickly. Besides, I found out that all days do end in Y!

(They then roll down the stairs & Leni hits her head on the wall before lunging at Lori.)

Lincoln: (to the viewers) Ok, don't expect me to hate my parents less than the others, I'm just acting this way to fit in. So please don't ruin it for me. (screams as he throws a bottle of chemicals on to the floor & it shows an exterior of Earth to show how big the explosion was) (It then shows an astronaut flying past earth)

Astronaut: (speaker) Boss, are you seeing this?

Astronaut's Boss (speaker): Yeah, we felt it down here.

(it cuts to a news segment)

News station narrator: We interrupt your programming to bring you breaking news.

(cuts to the news room with News Man Tucker)

News Man Tucker: Just one day after the "destroyer" destroyed Royal Woods, a huge & suspicious explosion occurred at a family's home. It was so big that it was seen in space as proved by NASA. Surprisingly, no one was hurt. Though it was enough for everyone to see what happened. We now go to our reporters on the ground to the story develop.