Hating Simulator/Transcript

Pre-Senpai
(Keith and Cherry are in Cherry's room. It is a rainy day, and they're getting bored of being stuck inside)

Keith: Aw man...We can’t go anywhere in this weather.

Cherry: Look on the bright side, Keith...If we stay here, maybe nobody will try to sing you to death for once!

Keith: Yeah, you’re right. Let’s just cook some pizza rolls and chill out. We could play some classic BlamStation 1 games!

(Keith looks for some video games to play)

Keith: Let’s see, there's Alien Hominid, Ritz the Rat...

Cherry: (holding a dating simulator game) What about Lover's Delight? It's been one of my favorite games since I was a kid!

Keith: That sounds pretty lame…

Cherry: C’mon, it’s way more fun than most dating sims!

(Keith puts the game into the console and he and Cherry start to play it.)

Keith: Why? Is it one of those cursed games that sucks you inside it or something?

Cherry: Yeah.

Keith: Probably should’ve waited for your answer before I put it in the console.

(Suddenly, like Keith said, the game sucks them inside. Daddy Dearest peeks into her room, grinning devilishly)

Dad: Have fun, kids…

(Inside Lover’s Delight, Cherry seems to have captured the attention of the game’s protagonist, a handsome teenage schoolboy simply known as Senpai)

Senpai: Ah, a new fair maiden has come in search of true love!

(Senpai walks up to Cherry to greet her, but notices that something seems familiar about her)

Senpai: Hmm, you seem quite familiar. Have we perhaps met somewhere before?

Cherry: Uh…I have no idea.

Senpai: Well, nevertheless, I am so glad you’re here. I've been looking for a young lady as lovely as you, and now we can finally be together.

(Senpai kisses Cherry's hand, but Keith runs up to him to put a stop to the schoolboy's flirting)

Keith: Whoa! Hold it! What do you think you’re doing?

Senpai: This lovely young lady seems to have captured my attention, so I'm giving her the affection she deserves.

Boyfriend: I don’t think so, casanova! That's my girlfriend you’re trying to flirt with!

Senpai: Is that so? Well, if you say this girl is yours, then a serenade between gentlemen shall decide where her beautiful heart shall reside.

Keith: *thinking to himself* Hmm...Gotta think of a good comeback...First thing that comes to mind!

(Keith tries to think of a good comeback, then speaks in his game voice)

Keith: Beep bo bop.

Senpai: Oh, you can speak the 8-bit language, I see. Whatever you just said, I’m sure it was a snappy comeback of some sort. Nevertheless, we will see whose voice will win the heart of this fair maiden.

Keith: *thinking to himself* Heh. Nailed it!

Senpai: And I will win, of course.

Keith: Oh yeah? We’ll see about that, prince.

(With that, the first song begins)

Senpai
Senpai: Darling, please let me be yours!

Keith: You know that I will be forever true!

Both: Yours is the only love my heart longs for And it’s been that way Ever since I first noticed you!

Senpai: Underneath sakura blossom trees Our love will bloom!

Keith: Inside this pixel facsimile I’ll beat the gloom of rain while rhythm gaming!

Senpai: (overlapping) When it rains, it pours, but when I’m yours I’ll dry your tears, you’ll be safe and sound In this video game!

Keith: When the rain is pourin', your forlorn heart won't weep, 'cause I’ll be around To ease all of your pain!

Senpai: I’ll raise all of my stats ‘cause that’s What a girl cute as you deserves: A maxed-out, attractive senpai darling!

Keith: I’ll keep spittin' facts ‘cause that’s What my girlfriend deserves: A truthful boyfriend who sings as sweet as a starling!

Senpai: Darling, I'll show you I care!

Keith: I’ll keep on provin' you’re the world to me!

Both: Free of enhancements, I’ll lay myself bare So you’ll realize You and I were both meant to be!

Senpai: We’ll both stay together High school lovers joined forever more!

Keith: I’ll be yours forever Win each battle 'til I win the war!

Senpai: Make the choices that prove my voice is The one you really wanna hear!

Keith: I’ll be plain, my love ain’t a game And once this game ends I’ll still be near!

Senpai: My love for you is like a car Barreling toward your heart About to hit head-on with maxed-out affection!

Keith: My love for you goes deep and far! When I become a star, I’ll still want you as my lover, there’s no question

Both: Girl!

(Song finishes, and once Senpai realizes that Keith beat him, he drops his charming and affable appearance and becomes visibly mad)

Senpai: Tch. Not bad for an ugly worm. I’ve heard a lot worse than that. But keep it up, and the things I'll do to you aren’t going to be very E for Everyone.

Keith: No offense, dude, but while you have a great singing voice and all, I’m not letting my girlfriend stay in this game with you for the rest of her life. I'm the only guy she truly belongs to.

Senpai: Listen here, you rat! You take back what you said or else!

Keith: *thinking to himself* Ooh, I gotta get him good this time! Um…

(Keith tries to think of another good comeback, then speaks in his game voice again)

Keith: Boo beep be be skdoo bep.

Senpai: Whatever. I’ll just make sure you’ll never be able to walk again. And your girl…Will. Be. MINE.

Keith: *thinking to himself* Ugh, that was terrible!

(The second song begins)

Roses
Senpai: Wanna fight, worm? You don't realize who you're trifling with!

Keith: Take your midterms! You're just a schoolboy but I’ve got a gift!

Senpai: Three-dimensional people have emotions that turn sour quickly!

Keith: Two-dimensional people can't look after you when you feel sickly!

Senpai: What if he finds someone else And leaves you broken-hearted in here?

Keith: I’ll never love no one else My heart is yours alone, quell those fears!

Senpai: Stay inside with me, and you'll know for sure You'll never have to face hardships anymore

Keith: Sure, his programming might give him allure But is love that's just code true love anymore?

Senpai: I've got a thousand lines of dialogue to suit your every need, desire and whim!

Keith: I've got a whole lifetime of dialogue you couldn’t ever hear come out of him!

Senpai: You spent your whole childhood worshiping my physique And there's still so much more for you to admire!

Keith: Sure, we've been together for just a couple weeks But I know this blue hair sets your heart afire!

Senpai: Bet it isn't natural, just filled with cheap hair dye Can you really be with him when his whole look is a lie?

Keith: Even if I dye my hair, it's got its natural sheen! Your entire body is just pixels on a screen!

Senpai: But those looks are gonna fade when you grow tired, old and gray While I keep up my serenade until your girlfriend's dying days!

Keith: When we both grow old together, we won't be in love any less! Time will leave you weathered, fading, disc-rotted and poorly dressed!

Senpai: What was that part? Did you just say my game's rotting away?

Keith: Time degrades art On lots of '90s CDs nowadays!

Senpai: I can't lose all of my data It's my everything! My whole existence!

Keith: 'Fraid that might be your fate I don't think I can offer you assistance!

Senpai: C'mon, kid, ya gotta help me I can't be a heartthrob bishie If my world fades into nothing Please, kid, tell me you're just bluffing!

Keith: I can’t stop your disc from dying Know it must be terrifying But hey, man, you got one big plus Least you don’t have a SOUL like us!

(Song finishes, and Senpai is finally at the end of his rope)

Senpai: N-no...Even if I don't...HE does…

(Suddenly, his figure starts to writhe and distort)

Keith: He???

(The Spirit bursts out of Senpai's body, and the once bright location of the school grounds becomes desolate, deserted and dark. This proves Keith wrong that Senpai doesn’t have a soul. Despite being a realistically-faced pink spirit creature, he still retains the same youthful, boyish voice that Senpai has, albeit slightly glitchy and distorted)

Spirit: Direct contact with humans, after being trapped in here for so long...and HER of all people. I'll make her father pay for what he's done to me and all the others....I'll beat you and make you take my place. You don't mind your bodies being borrowed, right? It’s only fair…

Thorns
Spirit: You might have shaken up that lump of code But I'm well aware that this world’s destined to implode

Keith: Wait just a second, man, I’m at a loss Are you just some glitchy, messed-up secret final boss?

Spirit: You and I share more than you’d ever know That’s why you’ll stay trapped when I’m free to go!

Keith: Seems you’re struggling, but this body’s all mine! Go find somebody else to stay behind!

Spirit: Just how often do you think another human shows up in here? I know I won’t get this chance again, my ticket out’s...

Both: Crystal clear!

Keith: You must’ve done really awful in here to get stuck in this game! There’s no way you’ll win against me and my girlfriend if you’re that lame!

Spirit: It wasn’t my choice, I've burned out my youthful voice Screaming for the day I finally escape at long last and rejoice!

Keith: Bet you got depressed, so you gave up and possessed That trash-talking pretty boy to try and lure somebody in to best!

Spirit: But you’re still here standing after Senpai’s reprimanding So I’ll have to beat you down in my incorporeal form one last time!

Keith: I'll fight for our freedom, you can’t have these husks, we need 'em Every rose has got its thorns, and guess what, you just pricked yourself touchin' mine!

Spirit: Oh, just to think of touching things again Even stinging, burning pain would be a welcome friend!

Keith: I get you wanna live and feel again! But you won't be yourself if you leave in my girlfriend!

Spirit: Bet my husk is decomposed, he buried it and no one knows The punishment he cursed me with for just a couple words I chose!

Keith: If you're talkin' Daddy Dearest, sure he’s tough, but nowhere near as Mean as you're describing, least he wasn't once I passed his test!

Spirit: I’ve been wandering these damned school grounds for so long, discontented Dad said it was my turn on the BS1, he really meant it.

Keith: I’ve been here for five whole minutes and already I can tell That living here ‘til disc rot sets in would be like its own special hell

Spirit: Seems you really care, let’s make A deal before my data breaks That you’ll free my eternal soul From Daddy Dearest’s vile control!

Keith: I’ll ask Cherry, all she knows About her dad and why he chose To lock you in this dating game And free you from your pixeled pain!

Spirit: Good! It’s a deal then, pledge you’ll stay aware There’s no telling what that family might pull out there!

Keith: You’ve got my word, you know I’ll stay aware Workin' 'til I find a way to get you out of there!

(Song finishes, and the Spirit allows Keith and Cherry to leave the game)

Spirit: Allright. You won this battle. Now win the war for me. For all of us. Good luck!

(Keith and Cherry are teleported out of the game and back into Cherry’s room. Keith is a little shaken and confused over what just happened)

Keith: W-what just happened?! I have so many questions!

(Cherry, however, doesn’t seem too fazed, and is just glad that she’s with her boyfriend)

Cherry: Do you wanna kiss your hot girlfriend?

Keith: I...I have no questions!