The Mystery Kids Movie (2025)/Transcript

Transcript
[It all starts with a screensaver where Dipper, Mabel, SpongeBob, and the other characters sing the fanfare of Universal Pictures]

[It begins with 3D after the 2019 DreamWorks Animation logo fades out and the Opening Credits come. While "Overture; Main Title; Love Theme Wings; Knights and Ladies" (from Wings (1927)): plays, it starts out during that night, where we’re in a lab station]

Text: Universal Pictures presents, A DreamWorks Animation Studios film, Based on the Works by Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network

Man #2: Hey, how's it going, Abraham?

Man #1: Not so good. I can't seem to get this Photon Channeler working.

Man #2: Well, you'd better figure it out. The colonel wants to show the new system to the top brass next year.

Man #1: I know.

(Then, the Mystery, Inc. break in)

Man #1: What was that?

Man #2: What's that sound out there? (gaps) Emergency! It's a break-in! Erase the access code!

Man #1: X & Y

(Then, they break the door out, then this guy comes in then knocks them out)

Issac: All clear.

(Then Edward, and the rest of the Villains comes in)

Edward: Neatly done, Issac.

Issac: It's, uh, Issac, sir.

Edward: Oh. Are they dead?

Issac: No, sir. Merely unconscious.

Edward: Good, good. You know how I hate violence. Mmm. Nice shine.

Issac: Um, what next, sir?

Edward: Well, obviously, we establish our base.

Issac: And where will that be?

Edward: The next state on Earth they'd look. A state called... Oregon.

(at Oregon, "The Mystery Kids Movie" logo fades in and out.)

Dipper Pines: Last day of school sale, boys and girls. Get your celebratory contraband right here. Shaving cream, goofy string, maps of the teacher's houses.

Edd/Double D: I'll take one of them maps, Dipper Pines.

Mabel Pines: Hey, Guys let's party.

Numbuh 1: Can't now. Gotta finish filling up our holes before the end of the day.

Numbuh 2: Won't be able to dig 'em up next year if we don't fill 'em now.

Eddy: Hey! Big kids bury me!

Clarence: Oops.

Jimmy Neutron: I, Jimmy Neutron, as my last official act before entering middle school, hereby anoint this boy here King Timmy Turner the second.

[He takes off his hat, places it on Timmy Turner's head, and stamps the letter "F" on the hat.]

Jimmy Neutron: [to King Timmy] May you boss around all of the kids with fairness.

Did Membrane: The king has graduated! Long live the King!

(Cheering)

Dexter: Elbow up! Eyes Forward! You call that instruments playing?

Blossom: Ah, ceremony.

Bubbles: I'm, like, moved, Buttercup

Buttercup: Say what you want about their personal lives, Bubbles. The royals have such styles.

Samurai Jack: Keep 'em comin'! Let's go!

Max: Mr. Jack, the kids are practically mad with last-day-of-school fever!

Samurai Jack: Of course they are, Max. They’re animals living by pure instinct.

Max: I’ve got a list of infractions a mile long: The Operatives hit a water main, the kindergarteners are feasting on paste--

Samurai Jack: Never mind, Max.

Max: Dipper Pines is, uh-- Did you say ‘‘never mind’’?

Samurai Jack: That’s right, Max. What I’ve got here is bigger, much bigger. All this year I’ve been holding back on the Pizza, hiding it from all those little savages. Just look at it, Max. I’m counting 100, maybe 200 cases of it.

Max: What are you going to do with all those Pizzas?

Samurai Jack: Sell 'em back to the district, of course. Think of all the chalk and erasers we can get.

Max: But, Samurai Jack, I've got dirt on everybody. Well, everyone except Detweiler and his pals. Come to think of it, I haven't seen those guys anywhere.

Samurai Jack: Ah, forget about 'em, Max. There's nothing SpongeBob SquarePants and all of his hooligan friends can do to stop me now.

Twilight Sparkle: Well, that should do it. There's enough here for everyone.

Jimmy Neutron: Good. Then it's party time. Kids of the field! I give you Pizza!

(They throw out all the Pizza)

Samurai Jack: My Pizza! Stop it! Stop it, I say! You little monsters are in trouble now! Just wait'll Principal Hernandez finds out about this!

Principle Hernandez: (over speaker) Attention, students, this is Principal Hernandez talking.

Samurai Jack: [impressed but stunned] That was fast.

Principle Hernandez: Some of you may have noticed Pizza on the playground. I want you to know that I will NOT stand for this! This Pizza should be eaten immediately.

Samurai Jack: [shocked] Huh?

(The kids shrug and go back to enjoying themselves.)

Principle Hernandez: In addition, I want you to all ignore Samurai Jack, no matter what she says about Pizza or anything else.

[The kids cheer.]

Samurai Jack: [stunned] This can't be happening.

Principle Hernandez: Furthermore, I want to inform you all that I have a fat, saggy butt, which I like to scratch every hour on the hour.

[The kids burst out laughing, and the camera zooms behind the school, revealing that Chloe Park and SpongeBob have hijacked the speakers, while SpongeBob is saying everything with Hernandez's voice.]

SpongeBob: Also, I want to apologize to all of you, for being such a mean principal, taking away hall passes, giving guys recess detention, refusing to accept sick notes, just because it doesn't look like a guy's mom's signature! Making kids stand at the wall for 10 whole minutes! With no break! Man, I feel ashamed of myself for all the terrible, rotten things I've done! And next year, I promise to--

[SpongeBob pauses as a magnificent shadow appears over him. It is revealed to be a furious Principal Hernandez.]

SpongeBob: [nervously] Why, Principal Hernandez, sir, What a surprise.

[At the principal's office]

Principal Hernandez: Why did you do this to me, Detweiler? Do you enjoy tormenting me? Do you hate me?

SpongeBob: Oh the contrary, sir, I have to utmost respect for you.

Principal Hernandez: Don't be smart with me, boy. All year long you've been pushing me, testing me.

SpongeBob: Testing, I don't know what you mean, sir.

Principal Hernandez: Oh, really? How about the time you conJimmy Neutrond the F.B.I. I was a Chinese agent and got me arrested?

SpongeBob: You were giving us a speech on personal hygiene. You had to be stopped.

Principal Hernandez: How about the time you forged my signature and ordered a motorboat for the school?

SpongeBob: It was for the kindergarteners. Owning a boat’s always been kind of a dream of theirs.

Principal Hernandez: Oh, Detweiler! I’ve had enough of your pranks. This time I’m really gonna throw the book at you.

SpongeBob: With all due respect, sir, you’d better get throwing, ’cause you’re out of time.

Principal Hernandez: Huh?

SpongeBob: It's the last day of school, sir. I’ve only got 20 more seconds of fourth grade left. Look.

[Hernandez sees the clock]

(At Mrs. Puff's classroom)

Mrs. Puff: In some ways, people the days in a bummer for me. But in other ways it's the ultimate high, because every milestone that you kids pass is another step towards--

Twilight Sparkle: Um, Mrs. Puff?

Mrs. Puff: Yes, Twilight?

Twilight Sparkle: I don't mean to interrupt, but--

Mrs. Puff: Oh, Yes! Be my guest.

Kids: 10.. 9.. 8.. 7.. 6.. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1....

(Bell Rings)

(Cheering)

(Every kid run in the halls)

Men 1#: Hey! No running in the halls!

Men 2#: Yeah, what's the big deal? It's just the end of the school year.

Both: The end of the school year? Whoo-Hoo!

Woman 1#: Girls, what shall we do with the rest of this corn chowder?

Woman 2#: (Sniffs) Aw, leave it in the kettle. It'll keep till September.

SpongeBob: Well, see you next year, Principal Hernandez.

Principal Hernandez: You'd better do some growing up this summer, young man. (Sighs) I hate my Job.

Samurai Jack: Look at those hooligans.

Mrs. Puff: Actually, I think it's a wonderful expression of freedom and joy.

Principal Hernandez: I'll tell you a wonderful expression of freedom and joy. twelve weeks of nothing but me at the west side golf course, and no Detweiler.

Samurai Jack: I second that emotion, sir.

(Back with SpongeBob and the others)

Jimmy Neutron: Man, Teej, that prank was sweet.

Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, you should've seen Finster's face-- I thought she was gonna blow a gasket.

Steven Universe: Those limesicles were tasty.

SpongeBob: A tasty beginning to a tasty summer. Twelve weeks of nothing but riding bikes, hanging out at the lake... and T.P.-ing the west side golf course. Summer Vacation-- The ultimate Mystery.

Jimmy Neutron: Yeah, I can't wait to get Baseball camp.

SpongeBob: Baseball Camp? What are you talking about?

Twilight Sparkle: Actually, Teej, I'm going to be out of town too. You see, this Big-Time wrestling federation has this training camp, and I gotta learn some new moves if I'm ever going to turn pro.

SpongeBob: But Twilight--

Gus: It's Military Camp for me. My dad says I need to learn to be a leader.

Chloe Park: I shall be attending the MT. Van Buren Space Camp. Don't want to let those science geeks get ahead of me.

SpongeBob: You're all going to camp?

Ed: Not me.

SpongeBob: Thanks goodness.

Ed: The Young Voices Training Program doesn't like the word "Camp." They provide opportunities for aspiring singers to train their voices... in a rigorous yet supportive setting.

SpongeBob: But Summer's going to be ruined. What am I going to do? Play Baseball by myself? Watch reruns? read?

Jimmy Neutron: Sorry, man, but we got to think about our futures.

Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, we can't waste the whole summer just fooling around like kids.

SpongeBob: But we are kids!

Chloe Park: Actually, as of the completion of fourth grade, we're technically considered Pre-Young Adults.

Ed: And next year we won't even be "Pre."

SpongeBob: But-- (Sighs) All right, let's make most of the time we've got left. When do you all leave?

Jimmy Neutron: First thing in the morning.

SpongeBob: Oh, man.