User:GazzaB9/Infinity Comics Sandbox

Ching-Sang/The Emperor



 * Real Name: Ching-Sang (technically)
 * Occupation: Crime Lord
 * Nationality: Chinese
 * Age: 43 (physically) 8,000
 * Height: 6'5"
 * Weight: 215 lbs
 * Eyes: Green
 * Hair: Black
 * Sex: Male
 * Species: Human
 * Affiliation: Asian Fraternity
 * GDA Threat Ranking: Major
 * Powers and Abilities: The Emperor is a master martial artists, swordsman, archer, and a sorcerer who via magic has managed to reincarnate himself several times, retaining his memories from every one of his lives. His reincarnated bodies seem to live the first few years of their lives as regular children but then develop his past memories around the time the human brain begins being able to comprehend language. There seems to be no consistency in the lives of the people he incarnates into other than that they are all East Asian, though whether this is a choice or part of his spell is unknown.

Thousands of years ago in ancient China, the peasants lived in fear of Ching-Sang, the self-proclaimed emperor of all of Asia. Nobody knew where he came from, but Ching-Sang slaughtered his enemies, took children to raise as soldiers, and kidnapped women to be his brides, whether they were already married or not. As unfortunate as it is, no one ever managed to defeat him in combat, which meant his reign of terror continued right up until he realized his body was beginning to give out on him in his old age. Like Gilgamesh and Sun Wukong, Ching-Sang was stricken with a sudden and uncontrollable fear of death, scouring the Earth for a way to gain eternal life. Though he technically never learned this secret, he did manage to come across a magical incantation that allowed him to reincarnate himself as many times as he wished, meaning that while his body wasn't immortal his soul was. This meant that the supposed Emperor of Asia's reign of terror could continue forever. Throughout the years, he has reincarnated into many bodies and been essentially every kind of tormentor in the book.

He claims that he has been a general in the armies of Genghis Khan, that he was Timur, that he was responsible for turning the Triads into a criminal organization, and that many of the antagonists in East Asian legends were based on him. Though he was technically not hiding his reincarnation and even actively bragged about it, the first time that he proved this and the information was catalogued was during a time he had reincarnated as a Japanese major working for Imperialist Japan, confronting the hero The Lobster during the early stages of World War II. The Lobster shot him to death, with Ching-Sang claiming he'd come back to finish their business. Though The Lobster died before he could, in his next life Ching-Sang targeted The Lobster's ghost, revealing his reincarnation abilities to the public. In his current identity, he is a man of Chinese descent (specifically, Inner Mongolian) and has taken advantage of the respect his reincarnation has granted him, becoming one of the biggest and most infamous crime lords in all of Asia, as well as one of the heads of The Fraternity.

"They originally wanted Cecil to talk, but he said I might have more to say. The Emperor's probably the most unique case of immortality I've ever seen, and I've seen a couple. I really want to know what kind of magic he used to be able to reincarnate, mainly so we can figure out if we can reverse it but also because I'm just curious who made it in the first place. It's rare for me to come across something new these days, but The Emperor and his whole business is New with a capital N. Here's hoping we find out how to deal with him sooner rather than later since, and I'm not a "doom and gloom" kind of guy, but if he keeps coming back generation after generation then there's a high chance he'll eventually catch the world in a dip when it comes to heroes and take advantage of it."

- The Immortal, Member of the Guardians of the Globe

Gideon Graves



 * Real Name: Gideon Gordon Graves
 * Occupation: Music producer, club owner
 * Nationality: Unknown (English?)
 * Age: 31
 * Height: 6'1"
 * Weight: 190 lbs
 * Eyes: Brown
 * Hair: Black
 * Sex: Male
 * Species: Human
 * Affiliation: League of Evil Exes
 * GDA Threat Ranking: Semi-Major
 * Powers and Abilities: Via The Glow, a virus of his own creation, Gideon is able to corrupt the Subspace that exists within people's minds. He can use this to alter people's perception of reality, memories, and emotions. The Glow spreads like an actual virus, with it being transferred from person to person by someone who is already infected. With this in mind, it's likely that Gideon himself is infected by The Glow and was its patient zero but since he is able to control it, the negative effects of it do not affect him. Without Gideon's interference, someone infected by The Glow will be trapped in a spiral of their worst thoughts until they are sucked inside of their own head, disappearing from reality. The only way to cure yourself of the virus is to directly confront these emotions. He is also a master swordsman and wields a high-tech katana also of his design that can fire off energy blasts and is made of energy that makes it look like it's made of video game pixels.

Little information exists about Gideon. The few background details that have been found about him suggest he may have been an orphan who grew up in the UK. At some point, he moved to America and began making a name for himself as a music producer, working under the alias "G-Man". Some evidence exists to suggest Gideon uses his Glow virus to influence people to buy his music. Gideon rarely made public appearances, and thus there are very few clear pictures that exist of him before his fight with Scott Pilgrim. Gideon is responsible for the disappearances of five women, all of whom had dated and broken up with him. Obsessed with them, Gideon put them in cryosleep and planned on making them a harem. The only girl he failed to do this to was his most recent girlfriend, Ramona Flowers, who claims Gideon sees love and romance more as a game and experiment. She fled and Gideon proceeded to post a drunken rant online, which was replied to by all of Ramona's past partners. Realizing that all of them were superhuman in some way, Gideon concocted a game for them to play: Whoever kills Ramona's next boyfriend gets to keep her. This turned out to be Gideon's undoing, as he ended up battling with said boyfriend, Scott Pilgrim, and was horribly defeated by him. Due to a combination of bribes and his victims not being very well-off, nobody pressed charges against Gideon and he is still currently active, producing music like nothing happened.

"Christ, what an asshole."

- Donald Ferguson, Deputy Director of the Global Defense Agency

Matthew Patel

 * Real Name: Matthew Patel
 * Occupation: Military Reserve
 * Nationality: Canadian-Indian
 * Age: 20
 * Height: 5'7"
 * Weight: 154 lbs
 * Eyes: Brown
 * Hair: Black
 * Sex: Male
 * Species: Augmented Human
 * Affiliation: League of Evil Exes
 * GDA Threat Ranking: Semi-Major
 * Powers and Abilities:

Solomon Seltzer/The Professor

 * Real Name: Solomon Seltzer
 * Occupation: Scientist, terrorist
 * Nationality: American
 * Age: 86
 * Height: 5'8"
 * Weight: 170 lbs
 * Eyes: Brown
 * Hair: White
 * Sex: Male
 * Species: Human
 * Affiliation: American Fraternity
 * GDA Threat Ranking: Major
 * Powers and Abilities: The professor is the number one smartest man in the world. He has a degree and mastery in all forms of science, including, but not limited to, chemistry, robotics, mechanics, physics, medicine, and zoology, as well as being a proud member of Mensa. He also has an extensive knowledge of martial arts, but he his increasing age has caused his body to not be what it used to be.

For reasons currently unknown, Solomon Seltzer's mind developed much faster than any other human being's on Earth. He was able to comprehend language and speak in the womb, was in college when other kids his age were in kindergarten, and he made his first million at age 12. However, his far superior intelligence eventually led to severe narcissism and sociopathic tendencies, which his colleagues have attested to. In his youth, he was one of the world's biggest weapon manufacturers, developing many of the high-end artillery that are still used today. However, he threw this all away when he began developing an obsession with superhuman beings, particularly the Union of Justice whose story he was fascinated by. After trying and failing to talk the Union into joining him, the Utopian believing he would have weaponized them, he decided to take matters into his own hands and attacked Utopian directly, ending in him being ousted from his own company.

Strangely, Solomon seemed to both not hold this against the Union and not even care about it all that much, instead focusing the next decades of his life kidnapping, experimenting on, and attempting to recreate superhumans in an attempt to create his own army of them. His reason for this has changed several times over the years, ranging from a personal vengeance quest, to world domination, to wanting to sell them to the highest bidder. Notable attempts that came from this are the villains Sucker, Shithead, and Fuckwit (Solomon also famously has a potty mouth...). Eventually, Solomon would manage to make his dream come true when he became a founding member and one of the heads of The Fraternity, a coalition of supervillains. Since then, his duties to The Fraternity seem to have overshadowed his own ambitions and he has gone off the grid.

"Shame that he turned out the way he did, if Seltzer lent his intelligence to our side he might've turned out to be the greatest weapon in our arsenal. Look at his son, he started out like him but he turned over to our side and now people think he might be on the course to find the cure for cancer. But considering the state that his mind's currently in, I don't think there's a chance of that ever happening. The current plan is to find him and perform as many scans on his brain as we can to figure out how he developed so fast in hopes that we can replicate it. A group of super geniuses with his level of intelligence under our command would definitely come in handy. If we ever do manage to capture him, hopefully we can preform the scans as fast as possible before the government inevitably demands his execution."

- Cecil Stedman, Director of the Global Defense Agency

Scott Pilgrim
Various people with superhuman abilities are shown, such as All Might, Deku, Shigaraki, and Stain.


 * Narrator: In this world, many members of the population are born with superhuman abilities known as "Quirks". Quirks come in three types: Emitter, which grant one the ability to generate or control various objects and elements, Transformation, which cause one to physically transform temporarily, and Mutant, which completely alters one's biology and appearance. Most people with Quirks are born in Asia and some use them to become great heroes, while others use them to be horrifying villains. This... is not their story.

Suddenly, we're in a completely different corner of the world, right outside someone's house.


 * Narrator: This story is set in a mystical land known to the natives as "Canada". And follows a young, Quirk-having man named Scott Pilgrim. Who was dating a high schooler.

Inside of the house is Scott and his friends Kim Pine, Stephen Stills, and Young Neil.


 * Kim Pine: Scott Pilgrim is dating a high schooler?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Yes, and it's awesome.
 * Young Neil: Is she hot?
 * Kim Pine: Scott, how old are you? 28? 30?
 * Scott Pilgrim: I'm not playing your little games, Kim.
 * Kim Pine: 35?
 * Scott Pilgrim: 23! You know that I'm 23!
 * Stephen Stills: And you managed to bag a girl that young. Not bad, not bad.
 * Scott Pilgrim: I'm not even that old...
 * Kim Pine: This isn't cool Scott, and you know it.
 * Young Neil: Have you guys done it yet?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Done what?
 * Young Neil: ..."it"?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Uh... Well, we've done a lot of things. We've gone shopping, we've worked on math problems together, I've walked her to the bus, and we've talked a lot. Mainly about drama, but you know... teenagers...
 * Stephen Stills: Have you ever kissed her?
 * Scott Pilgrim: We nearly held hands once but then she got embarassed.
 * Kim Pine: Yeah, okay...
 * Stephen Stills: What's this mystery girl's name?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Knives Chau, she's Chinese.
 * Young Neil: Wait, her name is "Knives"?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Uh huh.
 * Stephen Stills: Is she one of us or one of them?
 * Scott Pilgrim: What?
 * Kim Pine: He means is she Quirkless.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Would there be a problem if she was?
 * Stephen Stills: She's totally Quirkless.

Scott slumps down on the table, upset.


 * Young Neil: How'd you guys meet?
 * Scott Pilgrim: I believe I mentioned the bus?

Flashback to the past, where Knives Chau is shown running to the bus with books in her hands, looking anxious. She trips over and the books scatter.


 * Knives Chau: Ugh, come on!

She picks the books up and when she's done the bus doors begin closing.


 * Knives Chau: Wait, no!

Scott puts his hand on the door and holds it open for her.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Don't worry about it.
 * Knives Chau: Uh... thanks. I'm Knives Chau.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Scott Pilgrim's my-- wait, your name is Knives?

Back to the present, Scott is sipping coffee while everyone looks at him, waiting for his story to continue.


 * Stephen Stills: ...And?
 * Scott Pilgrim: That's it.
 * Kim Pine: That's the entire story of how you met your girlfriend?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Yes.
 * Stephen Stills: Well, when do we get to meet this mystery girl?
 * Scott Pilgrim: I invited her over to hang out. She'll be here in a minute or two.
 * Stephen Stills: This is my house but okay, invite whoever you want...

The doorbell rings.


 * Scott Pilgrim: That's probably her.

Scott walks away and answers the door. Knives stands there in a thick coat and scarf. The two hug, but he doesn't let her inside the house.


 * Knives Chau: Hi, Scott!
 * Scott Pilgrim: Heya, Knives. Before we go inside, you're gonna have to be on your best behaviour, alright?
 * Knives Chau: U-um... Okay.
 * Scott Pilgrim: No, like, promise.
 * Knives Chau: Okay, I promise.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Seriously, be good.
 * Knives Chau: I promise I'll be good!

Stephen opens the door all the way and allows Knives inside.


 * Stephen Stills: Scott, what the hell are you making this poor girl say?
 * Knives Chau: He made me promise to be good.
 * Stephen Stills: Are you usually not?
 * Knives Chau: I thought I was okay...
 * Scott Pilgrim: I promised the guys we'd do band practice today. You cool with watching?
 * Knives Chau: Sure, I'd love to see you guys perform.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Awesome. Sit anywhere.

Knives sits down on a couch next to Young Neil. He half-heartedly waves and she smiles at him.


 * Stephen Stills: That's Neil. He lives here.
 * Knives Chau: Oh. So, what do you play?
 * Young Neil: Zelda, Pokemon... Guitar Hero. That's kind of a loaded question, honestly.

Knives squints in confusion. Stephen picks up a guitar and Kim sits down at her drum set while Scott tunes his bass.


 * Knives Chau: So, who're your friends, Scott?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Oh, right. Knives, that's Stephen Stills. The talent.

Stephen nods.


 * Scott Pilgrim: And that there's Kim.
 * Kim Pine: Hey.
 * Knives Chau: You play drums?
 * Kim Pine (obviously sitting at a drum set): ...Yes.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Alright everyone, let's start with Launchpad McQuack!
 * Stephen Stills: That's not actually the song's final name, for the record.
 * Kim Pine: WE ARE SEX BOB-OMB! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR!

The band plays a Grunge style song while Knives listens with wonder and awe. When they're done, they all turn to look at her.


 * Knives Chau: You guys... are... AMAZING.

The band members stand in another room, putting their things away.


 * Stephen Stills: She seems nice.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Yeah.
 * Kim Pine: Scott are you dumb or just evil?
 * Scott Pilgrim: You mean, like, to I have ulterior motives?
 * Kim Pine: Sure...
 * Scott Pilgrim: I'm offended, Kim! Wounded even! Hurt, Kim!
 * Kim Pine: Christ, nevermind...

Later, Scott enters his and Wallace Wells' apartment. He hangs his coat up and turns to Wallace, who is reading a news paper.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Oh great, you're home. Before you hear some dirty lies from untrustworthy people, yes, I am dating a high schooler.
 * Wallace Wells: Is he cute?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Ha, ha, ha...
 * Wallace Wells: Does this mean we have to stop sleeping together?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Do you see another bedroom around?

Wallace looks around the room.


 * Wallace Wells: Nope. You're totally my bitch forever, you know that, Scott?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Don't tell anyone about this, by the way.
 * Wallace Wells (looking at his phone): About what?
 * Scott Pilgrim: The whole seventeen-year-old thing.

Wallace's eyes look up from his phone but he says nothing.


 * Scott Pilgrim: What?
 * Wallace Wells: Uh...

Scott's phone rings and he picks it up.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Hello?

In another part of the city, Scott's sister Stacey stands outside her school with a phone, talking to Scott.


 * Stacey Pilgrim: YOU'RE DATING A SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD!?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Stacey!? She's seventeen! How do you even know about this!?
 * Stacey Pilgrim: Wallace just texted me!

Scott covers his phone so Stacey can't hear and turns to Wallace.


 * Scott Pilgrim: You gossipy bitch!

Wallace shrugs with a playful smile on his face. Scott returns to his conversation.

Scott hangs up and rubs his temples.
 * Stacey Pilgrim: Yeah, anyway, scandal! Wait until mom and dad hear about this! Their son dating a high school girl? They're gonna disown you for sure!
 * Scott Pilgrim: It's a Catholic school, too...
 * Stacey Pilgrim: Oh. My. God. You're kidding! With the uniforms?! What's her name?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Knives.
 * Stacey Pilgrim: Knives what?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Knives Chau.
 * Stacey Pilgrim: She's Chinese!? Oh man, this just gets better and better! Scott, you gotta be kidding me!
 * Scott Pilgrim: Come on, it's not that bad! We haven't even held hands. She, like, hugged me earlier, but...
 * Stacey Pilgrim: So, what's the reason for all of this? Are you just spiraling or what?
 * Scott Pilgrim: I don't know, it just... It's nice. Simple, you know?
 * Stacey Pilgrim: You sure this isn't because the anniversary of your break-up with--
 * Scott Pilgrim: Don't say her name!
 * Stacey Pilgrim: ...Fine. Is this just because of a mental breakdown over "she who must not be named" or have you always been insane?
 * Scott Pilgrim: I'll... get back to you on that one...


 * Wallace Wells: You gonna be okay?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Hopefully. Anyway, you wanna come with me?
 * Wallace Wells: Why, where're you going?
 * Scott Pilgrim: It's 3:30.
 * Wallace Wells: So?
 * Scott Pilgrim: I, uh... need to pick my girlfriend up from school.

Wallace stares at Scott judgmentally. Some time later, they're both standing outside of the before mentioned Catholic school Knives attends.


 * Wallace Wells: We both must look so weird to outsiders right now. I think I'm gonna head back home.
 * Scott Pilgrim: The school has guys, too, you know.
 * Wallace Wells: I hate you.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Trust me, man, everything's gonna be fine. It's like Trainspotting.
 * Wallace Wells: She lied about her age in that movie and then blackmailed the main guy.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Oh, Jesus, no, it's not like that at all!
 * Wallace Wells: You just said it was like that.
 * Scott Pilgrim: I may not have really paid attention during Trainspotting.

The school bell rings and the students all walk out. Knives spots Scott and waves, walking over to him.


 * Knives Chau: Thanks for showing up, Scott!
 * Scott Pilgrim: No problem.

There's an awkward moment of silence where Knives and Wallace stare at each other. Wallace nudges Scott.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Oh, right. Knives, this is my gay roommate Wallace Wells. He's gay.
 * Knives Chau: Oh, hi. Do you want the names of the gay guys in my class?
 * Wallace Wells: Only the ones who wear glasses.
 * Scott Pilgrim: No, we're not doing this now. I wanna hang out with my girlfriend, Wallace. Go. Leave. Begone.
 * Knives Chau: I'll tell you next time, Wallace.

Wallace looks at Scott and then to Knives, grabbing her by the shoulders.


 * Wallace Wells: You're too good for him. Run.

Wallace walks away.


 * Knives Chau: ...What was that about?
 * Scott Pilgrim: No clue. Anyway, what's the inside scoop today?
 * Knives Chau: Oh, so, get this. You know my friend Tamara? Well, she's got a thing for Bobby now--
 * Scott Pilgrim: Bobby the Fobby?
 * Knives Chau: Yeah, that guy. But, here's the thing, I found out yesterday that Derek might like Tamara!
 * Scott Pilgrim: Oh, man! This whole thing's really turning into a soap opera!
 * Knives Chau: I know, right?!

Later, the two walk through a mall, Scott carrying clothes Knives has picked out for herself.


 * Scott Pilgrim: You decided on a club yet?
 * Knives Chau: Leaning towards Book Club since it's mostly Asians, but not really. By the way, you know your band?
 * Scott Pilgrim: It's Stephen Stills' band, actually. He's the one who found it.
 * Knives Chau: Do you always call him by his first and last name?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Stephen Stills? Yes.
 * Knives Chau: Well, whatever, I just wanted to say that I really like it! I don't really listen to music, but you guys rock! I can't believe I'm going out with somebody so talented!
 * Scott Pilgrim: Have you been out with many guys before me?
 * Knives Chau: Hm... No?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Well, there you go.
 * Knives Chau: I've never even kissed a guy...
 * Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, me neither.
 * Knives Chau: Uh... good to know. Where do you wanna go after this, by the way?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Hm...

Scott and Knives stand outside of a door, which appears to be the lowest room of an apartment building.


 * Scott Pilgrim: There we go. I know where you live, now you know where I live.
 * Knives Chau: Cool.

They stand there.


 * Knives Chau: Can we go inside?
 * Scott Pilgrim: It's kind of a "no girl's allowed" thing but, uh... I can show you the house I grew up in if you want.
 * Knives Chau: Sounds good.

Scott points across the street at another building.


 * Knives Chau: Didn't move too far, huh?
 * Scott Pilgrim: I was pretty young so my parents wanted to make sure they could check on me to see if I was okay.
 * Knives Chau: Do they still check on you?
 * Scott Pilgrim: No, they actually moved to Europe a couple months ago.
 * Knives Chau: Aw, I'm sorry.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Don't be, I'm finally free.

Scott and Knives both laugh at his joke but when Scott opens his eyes next, he's in the middle of a desert. He walks through it for a while before collapsing on his side.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Oh god... I wasted so much time. I wasted my whole life. And now... now I'm going to die.
 * ???: No, you're not.

Scott sits up and sees a girl with pink hair rollerblading through the desert.


 * ???: You're just having some dumb ass dream.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Does that mean we can make out?

Scott wakes up in bed.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Aw, man...

Wallace, having been sleeping in the same bed, rolls over to him.


 * Wallace Wells: What is it, Scott?
 * Scott Pilgrim: I just had a weird ass dream, that's all...
 * Other Scott: Aw, man...

Wallace rolls over to the third man in the bed.


 * Wallace Wells: What is it, Other Scott?
 * Other Scott: You guys talking about dreams woke me up...
 * Scott Pilgrim: Can you please stop inviting him over? The bed's already cramped...
 * Wallace Wells: "The bed's already cramped". That's you. That's what you sound like...

The next day, Scott walks with Knives through a library, carrying her books.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Did you know Pac-Man was originally called Puck-Man? They changed it because they were worried someone would scratch out the "P" and write an "F" over it.
 * Knives Chau: Are you alright? You seem pretty distracted today.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Just trying to take my mind off of things. Not of a fan of libraries. They always take me back to grade school.
 * Knives Chau: How long ago was that?
 * Scott Pilgrim: It was, uh... Let's change the subject.
 * Knives Chau: Alright, well, so Katie M. and Katie C. both have a crush on this dude, right?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Uh huh?
 * Knives Chau: Well, both of them--

Scott drops all of the books and they plummet down the stairs. Knives runs after them, picking them up. Meanwhile, Scott is staring in awe and slight terror at the girl he saw in his dream, who is dropping off packages at the library. His head follows her as she leaves and he appears to be thinking of nothing else in that moment.


 * Stephen Stills: SCOTT!

Scott snaps back to reality, revealing that he's now practicing with Sex Bob-Omb.


 * Scott Pilgrim: How long have I been here?
 * Stephen Stills: What!? How out of it are you, man?
 * Kim Pine: Is your girlfriend distracting you?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Girlfriend?

He spots Knives sitting on the couch with Young Neil.


 * Knives Chau: I can be quieter...

Scott looks around the room, confused. Some time later, he and the rest of the band are now being interviewed by a talk show host.


 * Host: So, Scott, did you guys ever think you'd get it this far?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Absolutely not. And I gotta say, we couldn't have made it this far without--

Scott spots the mystery girl sitting in the audience, looking at some kind of map.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Without... w-without...

She looks up at him.


 * Scott Pilgrim: I'm dreaming, huh?
 * ???: Bingo.

He wakes up, this time having fallen asleep on the couch.


 * Scott Pilgrim: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING!?

The next day, Scott and the others (minus Knives) are at some kind of house party. Scott downs a plastic cup of lemonade in one go. Young Neil stands beside him as he goes for another cup.


 * Young Neil: Thirsty?
 * Scott Pilgrim: No, I'm just trying to get myself to need to pee out of sheer boredom.
 * Young Neil: Good to know.

While drinking, Scott spots the mystery girl out of the corner of his eye and chokes on the lemonade. He watches her for a second before she disappears into the crowd. Scott then walks away abruptly, confusing Young Neil, and searches for the mystery girl, eventually finding her leaning against a wall and checking her phone. He approaches her.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Hey.
 * ???: Hello.
 * Scott Pilgrim: I like your shoes.
 * ???: Thanks.

Neither says anything.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Did you know Pac-Man was originally called Puck-Man?
 * ???: N... no...
 * Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, they changed it because they... um... they were worried someone would write an "F" over the "P"... Am I dreaming?

She pulls away, clearly weirded out and scared.


 * Scott Pilgrim: I'll leave you alone forever now.
 * ???: Thanks.

And then he stalks her until she leaves the party. Immediately, he runs up to Young Neil, grabbing him by the shoulders.


 * Scott Pilgrim: DUDE!
 * Young Neil: Huh?!
 * Scott Pilgrim: Dude, she's real!
 * Young Neil: Who's real?!
 * Scott Pilgrim: This... I don't know her name, but she's real! Who do I talk to to learn her name!?
 * Young Neil: I don't know, man! Michael Comeau, I guess! He knows everybody!
 * Scott Pilgrim: Where do I find him?!
 * Young Neil: He's on the stairs!
 * Scott Pilgrim: Thank you!

Michael Comeau sits on the stairs, drinking lemonade when Scott walks over to him.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Hey, Comeau. Can I ask you something?
 * Michael Comeau: Absolutely, my man.

Scott holds up a truly awful drawing.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Do you know a girl with hair like this?
 * Michael Comeau: Oh yeah, that's Ramona Flowers. She was at the party a minute ago. New in town, think she's American.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Anything else?
 * Michael Comeau: Nope. Ask Sandra and Monique. They're the gossip girls around here.

Scott stands in front of Sandra and Monique.


 * Sanda: She's a mob boss' daughter trying to escape her past life!
 * Monique: She's not, she's just some new girl with a dumb name. Nothing interesting.
 * Sandra: She is, too! I also heard she's, like, a secret agent or something!
 * Monique: How do you be a secret agent and a mob boss's daughter, Sandra? That doesn't make any sense.

Scott becomes increasingly bored and leaves for another person.


 * Stephen Stills: Who, Ramona Flowers? Yeah, she's a New York girl working for Amazon.ca. Julie talks about her a lot.

Stephen gestures to Julie Powers, who is sitting at table beside him.


 * Julie Powers: Don't tell him stuff, Stephen.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Who invited her?
 * Julie Powers: Me. This is my party, Scott...
 * Scott Pilgrim: You? How do you know Ramona Flowers?
 * Julie Powers: She visits The Second Cup, where I work, a lot. And if you're thinking what I'm thinking, no, you can't date her. She keeps going on about this guy called Gideon. Seems serious.
 * Stephen Stills: I thought you said she was single?
 * Julie Powers: Yeah, but I didn't want him to know that, Stephen...
 * Scott Pilgrim: Is she really?
 * Julie Powers: SCOTT. I FORBID you from going out with Ramona Flowers! She doesn't need your gung messing her up!
 * Stephen Stills: Don't worry about it, my main man's got himself a girlfriend already.
 * Scott Pilgrim: You know, this girl's kinda--
 * Julie Powers: FORGET ABOUT IT, SCOTT!

Later, Scott is lying in bed when the door bursts open.


 * Wallace Wells: GUESS WHO'S DRUNK!
 * Scott Pilgrim: I guess Wallace...
 * Wallace Wells: You guess right!

Wallace slams face-first on the bed.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Hey, can I talk to you about some girl troubles I've been having?
 * Wallace Wells: Can I pretend it's a boy?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Sure. So, I've been having recurring dreams about this girl and I suddenly see her in the real world at the library.
 * Wallace Wells: I see him at the library.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Then I go to a party and there she is.
 * Wallace Wells: There he is.
 * Scott Pilgrim: I know it might just be obsession, but I think I'm genuinely in love with her...
 * Wallace Wells: Then you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend.
 * Scott Pilgrim: She's the literal girl of my dreams.
 * Wallace Wells: Then you should break up with your fake high school girlfriend.
 * Scott Pilgrim: I'm sorry, what?

Wallace passes out. Scott lies back down, only for his phone to ring again. When he answers, it's Stacey.


 * Stacey Pilgrim: You can NOT two-time TWO girls, Scott! You need to break up with your fake high school girlfriend!
 * Scott Pilgrim: Who the hell told you this time!?
 * Stacey Pilgrim: Wallace! It's always Wallace!
 * Scott Pilgrim: Wallace just passed out!
 * Stacey Pilgrim: Whatever! Those girls deserve better, Scott! Do the right thing!

She hangs up and Scott lies back down. He turns and sees that Wallace somehow pulled his phone out in the seconds before he passed out. He grimaces at this. The next morning, Wallace wakes up and sees Scott at a computer.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Morning, sleepyhead. Hey, what's the website address for Amazon.ca?
 * Wallace Wells: ...Amazon.ca.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Awesome.
 * Wallace Wells: What're you even ordering?
 * Scott Pilgrim: A... thing... and stuff... and things...
 * Wallace Wells: C... cool.
 * Computer: YOU'VE GOT MAIL.
 * Scott Pilgrim: Dude, the computer claims I have mail!
 * Wallace Wells: That's a really old computer. I didn't even know we had one.
 * Scott Pilgrim: We didn't, I bought it for this.

Scott opens up his mail.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Alright, "dear Mr. Pilgrim, it has come to my attention we will be fighting soon"... Oh my god...
 * Wallace Wells: What?
 * Scott Pilgrim: This is...
 * Wallace Wells: Yeah?
 * Scott Pilgrim: This is...!
 * Wallace Wells: What is it, man!?
 * Scott Pilgrim: This is... really boring, actually.

Scott gets up and walks over to the door, standing in front of it.


 * Wallace Wells: ...Scott, are you waiting for the package you just ordered?
 * Scott Pilgrim: Yes.
 * Wallace Wells: That's crazy.

The doorbell rings.


 * Scott Pilgrim: Who's crazy now!?

He opens the door, revealing Knives Chau, who hugs him.


 * Knives Chau: Attack hug!
 * Scott Pilgrim: K-knives...! Hello...! What're you doing here...?!
 * Knives Chau: We're hanging out today, remember?
 * Scott Pilgrim: How... how could I possibly forget...?