Family Guy: This Ain't Family Friendly/Transcript


 * 20th century fox logo plays (2009-2020)*

* 20th century fox logo zooms into quahog*

* the town is shown*

20th century fox presents.

in association with fuzzy door productions.

directed by seth mcfarlane

starring

James Corden

Christina Hendricks

Oakes Fegley

oona laurence

seth mcfarlane

Caleel Harris

based on fox's family guy

* quahog zooms into the griffin's house*

* family guy theme song plays*

Lois: It seems today

That all you see

Is violence in movies and s£x on TV

Peter: But where are those good old fashioned values

Entire Family: On which we used to rely?

Lucky there's a Family Guy

Lucky there's a man who

Positively can do

All the things that make us

Stewie: Laugh and cry!

Entire Family: it's...the....''Fam..ily... Guy! movie!!!!''

(peter: this ain't family friendly!)

* scene cuts to peter griffin in a movie theatre*

peter: before we start, listen up!

WARNING: the following film is too mature, violent, hot, sweary and too awesome for anyone under 14. SERIOUSLY! this isn't a drill!

if i ever see you guys, bring a kid, then i hope they don't throw a tantrum, besides, they shouldn't be here anyway! no 5 year old or any child needs to see it! they already seen enough! so get your kids outta here! NOW! you've got 15 seconds starting now

* 15 seconds timer appears*

* peter is whistling*

peter: they're gone! good! now let's begin!

* scene cuts to the family having dinner*

lois: so peter, how was your day?

peter: bad as f****

lois: what do you mean?

peter: so today, quagmire, joe, and cleveland forgot i was there, probably because they don't recognise me wearing this donald duck T-shirt.

lois: you look like....i don't know in that! you just do.

chris: mom! how come i don't get to wear that?

lois: because this is too big for your size!

chris: i wish i was taller like dad!

meg: about dad, hey dad! did you remember to buy more vegetables? because it seems we're running out!

peter: what do you mean?

meg: this dinner is the last time we use veggies, we're outta them by midnight!

peter: *beats up meg* we have plenty you son of a b***

* peter opens the fridge full of veggies*

peter: see *laughs* and meg! never come crying because we're outta food. okay! because if not, then i have a gun!

stewie: hey brian! do you think my plan will work, i mean my thingamagic 2000 could come in handy!

brian: we haven't tested it yet! maybe we should after dinner *sips his whiskey*

lois: stewie no toys at the table! you can have it back once you finish your dinner.

* takes the thingamagic 2000 away*

stewie: oh screw this! mummy! bring that thing back! or i will send you to.....ANTARTICA!

lois: don't pout stewie, or else there'll be a chair you have to sit on..and they'll be no escape!

brian: oh god! this is going great!

* the family looks at brian*

brian: i'm gonna go upstairs *walks slowly*

* scene cuts to peter at the drunken clam*

peter: hello everyone i'm peter, not a person wearing a donald duck t shirt.

quagmire: hello

joe: hey

cleveland: got one for me?

peter: ok ok. but that's all over, so right after dinner, i had a shower, but then there was a scary spider! he was...this big! so i put fire in the shower! but then the house caught on fire, and we had to leave!

quagmire *laughs*: giggity giggity goo! that was oddly funny! imagine if it was a hot girl though! oooo giggity giggity!

joe: why would you put fire, i get it, the spider could be dangerous but if i were you, i would use reppellant. or stamp on it, or use a flip-flop.

peter: those things are overused! nevermind.

cleveland: i would actually do the same thing too peter! spiders in showers scare almost everyone! it's like pennywise in a bath!