Beavis and Butt-Head Do Atlantis/Transcript

Transcript
MTV Entertainment Studios

Paramount Pictures

(A great earthquake created a tsunami as well as a opening in the Earth, and the two combined caused Atlantis to sink. The merfolk rescued as many citizens as they could by turning them into others. The bubbles show Beavis and Butt-Head Do Atlantis.)

1,000 years later, Highland High School.

(Beavis and Butt-Head are in Gym Class, learning about safe sex.)

Coach Buzzcut: Alright, morons! We're gonna talk about safe sex. That's right, safe sex. The safest sex that anyone of you idiots can have is no sex.

Beavis: What about masturbation?

Coach Buzzcut: I'm pretty sure you already know enough about masturbation.

Beavis: How does that pervert know what I do?

Butt-Head: Ehhhh, probably like, 'cause he's a pervert. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Oh yeah. Heh heh.

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh.

African-American Student: *raises his hand* Is this really necessary?

Coach Buzzcut: It is a requirement. Which makes it necessary.

Butt-Head: What's masturbation? Can you, like, show us?

Coach Buzzcut: I'm not falling for that one again! Anyway, to have safe sex, you must use a condom.

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh. He said condom. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh.

Coach Buzzcut: I hate teenagers... Don't have sex, and if you do, use a condom. Dismissed!

Van Driessen's class

Van Driessen: Okay class, I'm going to teach about ancient civilizations, mkay? There are so many interesting ones, but my favorite is Atlantis. Now some people don't believe it exists, but there is a lot of evidence to suggest that it does.

Butt-Head: At least there is talking about masturbation. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Yeah yeah, um, if I like spank my monkey in the girls bathroom, they will notice.

Butt-Head: No one wants to see you spank your monkey.

Van Driessen: There's a lot of theories about Atlantis. Some people think that was simply an old city that sank, while others believe it is currently thriving and inhabiated by merpeople.

Butt-Head: You mean like mermaids and stuff?

Van Driessen: Exactly.

Butt-Head: Mermaids are hot.

Beavis: Oh yeah. Seashell bras!

Van Driessen: We have a special guest speaker who is a expert on Atlantis. I like to introduce Dr. Horace Slotnick.

Dr. Slotnick: *walks in the classroom*

Beavis: Whore-ass. Heh heh.

Dr. Slotnick: Oh yes, Atlantis is very real. It's not just a sunken city, it is a underwater metropolis ruled to this very day by merfolk who do their best to keep it hidden from the rest of the world.

Butt-Head: This dude's a nutjob. Talking about cities run by mermaids. Let me guess, her best friend's a crab. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh.

Dr. Slotnick: I have decaded my life to find the entrance to Atlantis. I just came back from my 27th expedetion.

Butt-Head: Uhhh, so you never found it? How did you know it's there? Do you go to the North Pole to look for Santa Claus too? Uh huh huh.

Dr. Slotnick: Don't be ridiculous. There's no such thing as Santa Claus.

Beavis: Who do you, um, believe in?

Dr. Slotnick: I believe in Atlantis.

Butt-Head: You're a loser. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh. Yeah yeah, loser! Heh heh.

Dr. Slotnick: You can keep your comments to yourself. Other people may want to hear what I had to share. Ahem. Atlantis has been known since ancient times. Even the Greek philosopher Socrates spoke of the ancient city. Atlantis is not just a legend, it is a very real place hidden beneath the depths of the sea. It is believed to be a great utopia and home to the merfolk.

Butt-Head: So, like, where is it?

Dr. Slotnick: I've told you, under the ocean.

Butt-Head: But where?

Dr. Slotnick: We're still trying to find it, but we know it's there. It's real!

(After class is dismissed, Beavis and Butt-Head are walking out.)

Beavis: Whore-ass Snotdick is a total dweeb.

Butt-Head: Yeah, he's a loser. Uh huh huh. He believes in mermaids and stuff.

Beavis: Yeah, that's all make believe. But it would be pretty cool if mermaids were real.

Butt-Head: You know mermaids drown sailors and eat them.

Beavis: How did you know such about mermaids? Are you a nerd like Whore-ass?

Butt-Head: Shut up, Beavis. I think I had a idea.

(The duo went to the store, stealing scuba equipment.)

Clerk: What are you two think you're doing?

Butt-Head: Just browsing.

Clerk: You have to pay for that stuff.

Butt-Head: This stuff? We're just looking at it. *whispers to Beavis* I'll distract him, while you get the stuff. *to the Clerk* Uhhh, can you tell me what stuff over here is? *points to the shelf at the back of the store*

Butt-Head and Clerk: *walks to the back of the store*

Beavis: *leaves the store with the equipment*

Butt-Head: I just remembered. My mom wants me to come for dinner. *runs off* Uh huh huh.

Clerk: SON OF A BITCH! NOT AGAIN!

Beach

(Beavis and Butt-Head stood at the dockings, ready to go on their expedetion.)

Butt-Head: This is it, Beavis. Our exppedetion to find Atlantis.

Beavis: Oh yeah. Heh heh. This is gonna be cool! Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing!

Beavis and Butt-Head: *puts on their scuba gear and dives into the water*

(On their expedetion, they see manta rays, sea turtles, crabs, dolphins, octopi, and sharks. They soon stop at a cave.)

Beavis: Hey Butt-Head, what's that big hole?

Butt-Head: Uhhh, I don't know. Maybe it's like rocky and stuff. Whoa! Hey Beavis, I think it's a big wet bunghole. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh. Bunghole.

Butt-Head: I knew you would go inside bungholes.

Beavis: I do not! Shut your face, butthole!

Butt-Head: Takes one to know one.

Beavis and Butt-Head: *goes inside the cave*

Butt-Head: Ehhhh, this thing's pretty deep.

Beavis: Like your mom!

Butt-Head: Your mom.

Beavis: There's like hallways and stuff.

(They go deeper into the cave, taking turn after turn, until eventually, they come to a dead end with a door.)

Butt-Head: What's that gate doing under the ocean? Uh huh huh.

Beavis: I don't know. Maybe it's like, um, a thousand years old.

(Beavis and Butt-Head touched around their hands until Butt-Head touches the hand-shaped hole, and the gate opens.)

Butt-Head: Whoa! Hey Beavis, I like unlock it or something.

Beavis: Whoa! Heh heh.

Butt-Head: We'll be able to find Atlantis and some merchicks.

Beavis: Yeah! Maybe we can score!

(The duo swim through the gate to another hallway. After swimming for a while, they come to another gate.)

Beavis: Dammit! We're so close! *notices a hand-shaped hole* Oh. Heh heh. *touches the hole, opening the gate*

(It opens and they see Atlantis in the distance.)

Butt-Head: I knew it.

Beavis: Um, this means that Whore-ass was right. It does exist.

Butt-Head: Uhhh, where are the bitchin' dudes that exactly found it?