Detective Steven and the Twisted Heist/Transcript

Scene 1: Steven's Favorite Detective Movie

 * [Steven is in his bed, flicking through different movies to watch on the TV]
 * Steven: Hm, what should I watch? Hard choice... [looks at Treasure Island] no... [looks at Tarzan] absolutely not!! [looks at The UnZappables] Ugh... [takes out phone and calls Connie] Hey, Connie...
 * Connie: Hey, Steven! What's up?
 * Steven: Well, I'm looking for movies to watch tonight... y'know, it's Friday night, might as well get in the spirit of it...
 * Connie: Hm... I recommend Hercules. It's amazing.
 * Steven: No, no, no, I'm not in the mood for an action movie. I actually want to watch a detective movie.
 * Connie: Sorry, I haven't seen a lot of detective movies, but my dad loves them and has a bunch of DVDs of them. I'll come over to your house to help you out.
 * Steven: Sounds like a good idea. Bye Connie!
 * Connie: Bye, Steven! [hangs up]
 * Steven: [sighs as he falls into his bed, and the camera slowly zooms into his brain, showing him imagining he was a detective]
 * K.O.: Steven! Detective Steven!! Help!!
 * Steven: [runs up] What's wrong, K.O.?
 * K.O.: Someone has kidnapped Dendy!
 * Steven: Really? I'm on the case. [looks around] Hm... no fingerprints... footprints, or anything, here! Damn, this suspect is tidy!
 * K.O.: Wait, look! [points at a note] A note!
 * Steven: A note? Notes are always interesting... [picks it up] It says... [reads note] "Bye, everyone! I had to go home to catch up on my coding. See you tomorrow! - Dendy" ...Huh, seems like we've solved the case! Dendy was the suspect! She left on her own!
 * K.O.: Thank you greatly, Detective Steven!
 * Steven: Oh, I couldn't have done it without you! [zooms out of his brain] Without you... without you...
 * [Connie is outside Steven's house]
 * Connie: Steven! Steven!! I brought detective movie DVDs!
 * Steven: Awesome! Come in.
 * [Connie is showing Steven the DVDs of detective movies]
 * Connie: Dick Tracy... Last Action Hero... Nancy Drew and the Hidden Staircase... Who Framed Roger Rabbit... and don't forget-
 * Steven: Wait, wait, wait!! Did you say... Who Framed Roger Rabbit? That's my favorite detective movie! I've only seen it once!! I could do almost anything to watch it again!!
 * Connie: Okay! Let's put that in! [hands Steven the DVD]
 * Steven: [puts in the DVD as the movie begins]
 * Connie: Let's watch.....
 * Steven: Okay. [falls into his bed as we zoom into his brain once again]
 * Tails: Steven! Detective Steven!!
 * Steven: I'm here!! What's wrong?
 * Tails: Someone stole Sonic's breakfast...
 * Steven: Hm... interesting, but not important enough for my attention.
 * Tails: Please, Steven!!
 * Steven: Oh, okay...
 * Tails: Thank you!
 * Steven: Right... I need to call Amy Rose, Knuckles, and Dr. Eggman.
 * Tails: Right.
 * Steven: [calls Amy Rose] Hey, Amy! Have you seen Sonic's breakfast?
 * Amy Rose: Uh... no?
 * Steven: Okay...
 * Amy Rose: Now leave me alone, I just woke up!! [hangs up]
 * Steven: Wasn't Amy Rose... next, Knuckles. [calls Knuckles] Hey, Knuckles... Sonic's breakfast has been stolen... do you have any idea where it is?
 * Knuckles: Sorry, man, but no, I haven't.
 * Steven: [groans as he hangs up and calls Dr. Eggman] Hey Eggman, have you seen Sonic's breakfast?
 * Dr. Eggman: What? No!! I'm eating my breakfast!! Eggs and bacon!! [hangs up]
 * Steven: [sighs] No lu- wait... what was Sonic having?
 * Tails: Eggs and bacon?
 * Steven: A-ha! It was Eggman! Eggman stole Sonic's breakfast!!
 * Tails: Thank you so much, Detective Steven!!
 * Steven: Uh... no problem.
 * Tails: I'm gonna run off to get Sonic's breakfast back. [runs off]
 * Steven: Well, at least I got the job done... [zooms out of his brain] Done... done...
 * Connie: Steven, wake up! This is the scene where Eddie and Roger are stuck in the house!
 * Steven: Oh! Okay!!
 * Connie: What's wrong?
 * Steven: I'm just a little tired, that's all...
 * Connie: Are you sure?
 * Steven: Yes!!
 * Connie: I don't believe you... tell me what's wrong... what's really wrong...
 * Steven: Well... I keep having these short dreams, where I imagine myself as a detective like Roger Rabbit himself...
 * Connie: Okay... continue...
 * Steven: I had one just a few minutes ago where K.O. thought someone kidnapped Dendy...
 * Connie: Go on...
 * Steven: And one after that where Dr. Eggman stole Sonic's breakfast...
 * Connie: Interesting. When did this start?
 * Steven: About a week ago...
 * Connie: Oh... okay.
 * Steven: I can't stop thinking about it.
 * Amethyst: [comes over] What's wrong, buddy?
 * Steven: Connie, may you explain?
 * Connie: Of course.
 * Amethyst: Well, speak up man.
 * Connie: Steven's been having these weird dreams where he would imagine that he was a detective, doing stuff like searching for Dendy, or finding Sonic's breakfast.
 * Amethyst: Huh, that's interesting.
 * Steven: Yep, interesting indeed... [camera zooms into his brain once again]
 * Trickshot: Steven! Detective Steven!! Help!!
 * Steven: [comes over] What's going on this time...
 * Trickshot: Pocket's sandwich is tuna, not bacon.
 * Steven: Ugh... listen, this is the forty-fifth time I've done this!
 * Trickshot: Uh...
 * Steven: TODAY!!
 * Trickshot: AARGH!! Okay, please do it?
 * Steven: Okay... sorry I lost my temper.
 * Trickshot: It's okay...
 * Steven: I can't seem to catch a break... [zooms out of his brain] Break... break... AAH! It happened again.
 * Amethyst: Hm. I'm gonna go tell Garnet and Pearl. [walks over to Garnet and Pearl]
 * Garnet: Hey, Amethyst!
 * Amethyst: Hi, guys.
 * Pearl: What's wrong?
 * Amethyst: Something's wrong with Steven. He keeps imagining that he's a detective, constantly. It's been going on for a while, too. I've noticed it.
 * Garnet: Hm... bring him over here.
 * Amethyst: Okay. [brings Steven over]
 * Steven: Hey, guys...
 * Garnet: Steven, what's this about imagining that you're a detective?
 * Steven: ...I can explain. These short dreams are really bugging me, and I hope they g- [zooms into his brain once again]
 * Nico: Steven! Detective Steven!! Help!!
 * Steven: [comes] WHAT NOW?!?!
 * Nico: I know you're not in the mood, but do you have ice cream?
 * Steven: NO!!!!!! [zooms out of his brain] No... no... AAH! There it was again!!
 * Garnet: Interesting... I have a good idea for a solution.
 * Pearl: What's that, exactly?
 * Garnet: The diamonds.

Scene 2: The Diamonds at Homeworld

 * [On Homeworld, Steven and the Crystal Gems arrived at Homeworld]
 * Steven: Are you sure about this?
 * Amethyst: Well, it was Garnet who decided this, not me, so I wouldn't know...
 * Steven: [sighs]
 * Pearl: Don't worry, Steven, we'll get this issue sorted out...
 * Steven: IT'S NOT AN ISSUE!! [turns pink]
 * Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl: [gasps]
 * Steven: [turns back to normal] Sorry, guys... I thought my pink powers were gone after you guys made me feel better when I was transformed into a monster.
 * Amethyst: It's okay, man, but you really gotta get this sorted out.
 * Steven: I suppose you're right...
 * [As a bunch of gems walk by, Spinel, comes through the door, finds Steven and the gems sand greets them]
 * Spinel: Steven!! [runs up to him] Gee, it's so great to see you again!!
 * Steven: Yeah, greater than I expected....
 * Spinel: Ah, the Crystal Gems, so nice of you guys to drop by at Homeworld. So swell!!
 * Steven: Actually, we're here for a reason.
 * Garnet: He's been imagining that he was a detective by helping others, and it keeps coming back to him.
 * Spinel: Hm... I think the Diamonds can help with that.
 * Steven: That's what Garnet was saying.
 * Spinel: They're great at dealing with this sort of thing.
 * Steven: I remember last time I went to Homeworld for help...
 * Spinel: Yeah, me too... But for some reason you ran away from us.
 * Steven: I know, and I'm sorry. These days are behind me.
 * Spinel: Don't worry, it's ok.
 * Steven: I even remember causing a rampage in Beach City...
 * [Flashback]
 * Steven: [narrating] I kept running away from the others, not letting anyone know my secret, until they surrounded me, and that's when I let out my tantrum, I was corrupted, and then I transformed into a hideous monster... Then I started to wreck everything, and then you guys tried to stop me, by telling me how you guys feel, and that made me sad, then Connie kissed me, when I transformed back to my normal self while I was crying, feeling guilty about this....
 * [Flashback ends]
 * Spinel: Gee, that really was crazy...
 * Steven: Yeah, I know, I wish I could forget about that day...
 * Amethyst: So do us, man...
 * Pearl: It really was intense, and I'm glad you've learned to get calmer.
 * Garnet: Guys! Let's get back to the point.
 * Steven: Spinel, before we go see the diamonds, I just gotta ask, has anything like this happened to you before?
 * Spinel: ...What?
 * Steven: [sighs] I was gonna ask for advice...
 * Spinel: Don't worry, the diamonds have good advice.
 * Pearl: Good...
 * [Spinel, Steven and the Crystal Gems walk through Homeworld to get to the Diamonds]
 * Steven: Wow. Homeworld's really doing good here.
 * Spinel: I know, right? Some gems are calling it Era 4!
 * Steven: Really? We just moved into Era 3!! [laughs]
 * Spinel: Gee, the gems here can be crazy, sometimes...
 * Amethyst: So where are you taking us first Spinel?
 * Spinel: Well, I'm thinking we should see Blue first.
 * Steven: Blue it is, then.
 * Spinel: Blue will make you feel calm... Yellow will make you feel ready... and White will make you feel better.
 * Steven: Nice order.
 * Spinel: Thanks, she's this way.
 * Steven: So what are waiting for! Let's g- [zooms into his brain once again]
 * Sonic: Do you like bacon?
 * Nico: I WANT ICE CREAM!!!
 * Pocket: I HATE TUNA!!!
 * K.O.: Dendy has another note!
 * Sonic, Nico, Pocket and K.O.: DETECTIVE STEVEN, HELP US!!!!!
 * Steven: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [zooms out of his brain] Anymore... anymore...
 * Spinel: Let's just go see her.
 * [Steven is in Blue Diamond's room]
 * Blue Diamond: Okay... the gems were telling me to see you... why?
 * Steven: I keep having these weird, short dreams where I'd imagine I was a detective.
 * Blue Diamond: Hm, interesting.
 * Steven: Interesting, indeed.
 * Blue Diamond: Well, I have a perfect solution for that.
 * Garnet: What is it?
 * Pearl: Yeah.
 * Blue Diamond: Well, I'll be with Steven. You guys can leave.
 * [Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and Spinel leave]
 * Blue Diamond: Okay. Breathe in...
 * Steven: [inhales]
 * Blue Diamond: Breathe out.
 * Steven: [exhales]
 * Blue Diamond: Continue...
 * Steven: [inhales, then exhales, then inhales, then exhales, and repeats multiple times]
 * Blue Diamond: Okay. Now, lie down.
 * Steven: [lies down on the floor]
 * Blue Diamond: Finally, try to forget everything that comes into your mind. Block it out. Keep it clear.
 * Steven: Okay... [camera zooms into his brain]
 * [Nothing is happening, and the only one there is Steven]
 * Steven: Huh? What's going on? Hello?
 * [Nico suddenly comes into his brain]
 * Nico: ICE CR- [disappears]
 * Steven: Wha-? Nothing's happening... I finally got a break... why is Nico here all of a sudden?
 * [Trickshot suddenly comes into his brain]
 * Trickshot: What did I te- [disappears]
 * Steven: Oh, I get it... it's those thoughts! They creep into my brain, and I block them instantly... if only I could continue to do so... [zooms out of his brain]
 * Blue Diamond: Okay, Steven... do you feel better...?
 * Steven: [wakes up] Huh? Oh... kind of... I get the basics of it... whenever something comes into my mind...
 * Blue Diamond: You block it.
 * Steven: Yes, yes, yes...
 * Blue Diamond: Well, I suppose you could move on to Yellow Diamond now...
 * Steven: Yeah, she has pretty strong skills...
 * Blue Diamond: Yes, I suppose so...
 * Steven: Alright....
 * Spinel: [comes in] Hey, guys!
 * Steven: Hi!
 * Spinel: White Diamond's here with Yellow!
 * Pearl: Really?!
 * Garnet: Well, that makes sense...
 * White Diamond: Yellow Diamond wants you to go to her room.
 * Yellow Diamond: I'm gonna give you some motivation.
 * Steven: Okay.
 * Garnet: Good luck.
 * [At Yellow Diamond's room]
 * Steven: Uh... hi.
 * Yellow Diamond: Hello... Did Blue Diamond make you feel more relaxed?
 * Steven: Yeah...
 * Yellow Diamond: Good.
 * Steven: ...So, what next?
 * Yellow Diamond: I suppose, we could make you feel like you're ready. Energize you.
 * Steven: Sounds like a good idea, but how are we gonna do that?
 * Yellow Diamond: Let it out.
 * Steven: Wha-?
 * Yellow Diamond: Let everything out. You've cleared your mind. Now it's time to clear your body.
 * Steven: How, exactly?
 * Yellow Diamond: Climb all the way to the ceiling. [points to the ceiling]
 * Steven: Easy, I could just float up there...
 * Yellow Diamond: Without floating.
 * Steven: W-what?! That- ...I can't do that...
 * Yellow Diamond: I believe you can... remember how you climbed Spinel's giant drill?
 * Steven: ...Oh yeah... but that's because my body was really forcing it, it won't work here!!
 * Yellow Diamond: Oh, it will...
 * Steven: You sure about this? I'm a little nervous...
 * Yellow Diamond: Yes I am... trust me.
 * Steven: Fine. Let's do it.
 * [Montage of Steven trying to climb the wall but falling over]
 * Yellow Diamond: [sighs] Try harder!!
 * Steven: I'm trying!! [turns pink]
 * Yellow Diamond: [gasps]
 * Steven: [turns back to normal] Oops, sorry...
 * Yellow Diamond: It's okay... continue!!
 * Steven: Okay! Okay!! [he finally does it]
 * Yellow Diamond: Woah...
 * Steven: I did it! I climbed to the ceiling! I completed the challenge!! Now what?
 * Yellow Diamond: Just stay there.
 * Steven: Huh?
 * Yellow Diamond: If you get down, where's the proudness of it all, the challenge, the power?
 * Steven: Uh...
 * Yellow Diamond: [sighs] What I'm saying is that you should just stay there.
 * Steven: Ok? [falls] WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH [hits the ground] Oof! Uh... or not...
 * [Spinel and the others come in]
 * Spinel: Did it work?
 * Steven: S-sorta. I do feel ready. [punches the air] Ha! Yeah, I do! I certainly feel ready! I LOVE IT!!!
 * Yellow Diamond: Ha-ha!!
 * Garnet: Now it's time to go see White Diamond.
 * Pearl: Yep.
 * Amethyst: Let's go.
 * Steven: WILL YOU GUYS JUST LET ME TAKE MY TIME ALREADY!!! [turns pink]
 * Garnet: Steven, there it is again, you have to stop!!
 * Steven: [turns back to normal] Sorry... it's like I can't control this...
 * Amethyst: Dude, what's the matter with you?! We already healed you after you turned into a monster and now your pink powers are back! How did that come back to you?!
 * Steven: I.... I had no idea....
 * Pearl: We'll worry about that later... For now, let's go see White Diamond, she's probably waiting.
 * Steven: Good idea. Let's go.
 * Spinel: Right this way, my friends!
 * Steven: Okay.
 * [They come to a door and stare at it for a few seconds]
 * Steven: What's going on? Why isn't it opening?
 * Spinel: White Diamond came up with a password.
 * Steven: Uh, what password?
 * Spinel: [whispers at the door] Spinel...
 * [The door opens]
 * Steven: Spinel, making the password your name isn't very clever.
 * Spinel: I know, I know...
 * Steven: [sighs]
 * Spinel: Well good luck, Steven...
 * [Steven enters White Diamond's room]
 * White Diamond: Why, hello, there, Steven.
 * Steven: Uh... hi?
 * White Diamond: Well, then... What brings you here?
 * Steven: I keep having these weird dreams that I'm a detective... it's been going on for a week... it's making my pink powers come back, too.... [sighs] Could you do anything to help?
 * White Diamond: Hmmmm... oh, I know...
 * Steven: Anything, White Diamond.
 * White Diamond: Well, why don't you try to meditate for a while...
 * Steven: That sounds great! But how?
 * White Diamond: For example, relax and think of all the things you like...
 * Steven: Hm... that's... uh...
 * White Diamond: Let's begin shall we? [sighs]
 * Steven: Alright... [meditates]
 * White Diamond: How do you feel?
 * Steven: G-great, better. Does that mean I can go, now?
 * White Diamond: No, this is just the beginning.
 * Steven: Well, what next?
 * White Diamond: Hm... Think of all your favorite things that happened in your childhood.
 * Steven: Oh! Really?
 * White Diamond: Yes.
 * Steven: Okay then... [thinks] Now, he-he, what comes to mind? I... I guess there's the time where all guys saved me at the... when, I... was a monster- no!! Don't think about that, me... I ain't comfortable with that...
 * White Diamond: You okay, li'l guy?
 * Steven: Y-yeah, I'm fine...
 * White Diamond: Doesn't look like it...
 * Steven: Trust me, I'm doing great!!
 * White Diamond: Listen here, you little... ugh, whatever... As I was saying, listen here, I know something is wrong when I see it.
 * Steven: Oh, really...
 * White Diamond: Yes... [holds Steven up]
 * Steven: Geez, so much for "think of all your fa"-
 * White Diamond: I'm not doing this to harm you... I'm doing this out of love.
 * Steven: Right... out of love.
 * White Diamond: Okay, meditation number three... AKA, "the last one", but of course, you're welcome to come back any time...
 * Steven: Now what?
 * White Diamond: Our last mediation... feel as if your body is light as a pebble?
 * Steven: [looks around] No, not really...
 * White Diamond: Are you sure...?
 * Steven: No, I'm not as- [feels light] actually... I do.
 * White Diamond: Well, that's good... you will begin to float.
 * Steven: WHA-?!
 * White Diamond: Calm down, it ain't a big deal...
 * Steven: O-ok... if you say so... [he starts to float] Oh boy, there it is...
 * White Diamond: Yeah. Yeah.
 * Steven: It's... it's weird.
 * White Diamond: Good. Then, you'll feel all the thoughts flee from your mind.
 * Steven: [thinks] Hm...
 * White Diamond: There, there...
 * Steven: I wonder when- [he stops thinking]
 * White Diamond: It's happening, yes?
 * Steven: [stares at her with a blank face]
 * White Diamond: That's what I thought.
 * [They stare at each other]
 * White Diamond: You can stop, now...
 * Steven: [starts thinking again] Okay...
 * White Diamond: Better, now?
 * Steven: Yeah! I haven't had any detective issues since.
 * White Diamond: Right. You can go, now.
 * Steven: Of course.
 * [The door opens]
 * Spinel: How did it go?
 * Steven: It went great!! I feel so much better...
 * Spinel: Well, it seems as if you can go back home for now...
 * Garnet: Spinel's right. Let's go, Steven.
 * Steven: Coming! [runs up to them]
 * Pearl: Thank you so much for your help, White Diamond.
 * White Diamond: No problem. Like I said, you can see me anytime you want.
 * Steven: Oh, I think we're quite okay, for now...
 * White Diamond: Well, okay, then... of you go.
 * [They walk through the hallway]
 * Steven: Goodbye, White Diamond! Goodbye, Spinel! [waves goodbye]
 * White Diamond and Spinel: Bye! [They wave goodbye, as Spinel leaves the scene to entertain more gems, and the door closes]
 * Steven: Ah, all fixed. What did you guys do while I was gone?
 * Garnet: Well, Spinel had a blast telling us jokes.
 * Pearl: Yes, it was good at first, but then it got old...
 * Amethyst: You guys have your own opinion, but I enjoyed it!!
 * Pearl: Well, that's gr-
 * White Diamond: [off-screen, she screams in pain]
 * [The gems stop for a second]
 * Steven: Oh no...

Scene 3: Testimony No. 1

 * [Four incompetent spies, Viktor, Natasha, Pierre and Lorraine are standing in the streets of New Sanfranyorkyo, as text appears, saying "One month earlier"]
 * Natasha: How many times must I tell you, the diamond exists! See, that Mr. Universe guy, he had something sorta familiar in his bellybutton.
 * Pierre: Listen up, Mrs. Einstein, I know everything there is to know about the diamond, and lemme just tell you that it ain't real, you better believe me...
 * Natasha: Nope, wrong... anyway, I was the one who actually watched the footage caught by Killborne.
 * Pierre: Killborne?! The legendary Killborne let you watch his foota- ugh, what a-
 * Viktor: GUYS!! We're wasting time here because of your arrogance. Lemme just say, Natasha's right, Pierre, you're wrong.
 * Pierre: What the-? Who on Jiminy Cricket's court said I was wrong?!
 * Lorraine: Mr. Killborne!!
 * Pierre: I know it seems obvious that it was him, but, think about it, surely everything he says isn't the truth...
 * Viktor: IT IS!!! Why else would they call him "Testimony No. 1"?
 * Natasha: Must we seriously be visited by the guy again...?
 * Viktor: Well, if y'all continue complaining, then, yes!
 * Natasha:
 * Pierre:
 * Viktor:
 * Lorraine:
 * TBA