Red Snow/Transcript

Pre-Cocoa
(It’s the holiday season, and everyone in town is shopping at the mall to buy some gifts for their friends and family members)

PA System Man: Hello, Newgrounds City Mall shoppers! We hope you are having a jolly day here in…

Ethan: Yeah, yeah. Welcome to the mall, thank you for bringing your stupid kids. Can't wait to clean up after those messy little trolls.

PA System Man: Be nice! It's not their fault you lost your other job.

Ethan: Oh no, don't worry. I most definitely did not want that crap.

PA System Man: I just feel like you need to remember this is a happy time for everybody. Even if you gotta fake it, it'll be worth it when you make other people happy!

Ethan: (sighs) Whatever. I guess it ain't too bad. The only thing that could make today worse is that stupid blue-haired kid showing up…

(Suddenly, he sees Keith in one of the security cameras, and he gets mad)

Ethan: What the-?! You’ve got to be kidding me. Not him again.

(Keith and Cherry enter the mall to buy each other some presents. Cherry marvels at all the Christmas decorations)

Cherry: Wooow…The mall’s so pretty this time of year! All the snowmen and elves and Christmas trees and reindeers…

Keith: Heh…You’re a big Christmas fan, huh?

Cherry: Just a little…

Keith: So, what should I get for you first, Cherry?

Cherry: You aren’t getting me anything yet. I should treat you this time around. I’m thinking of getting you a new coat…The one you’re wearing right now is a bit freaky.

Keith: Huh?! What do you mean?

Cherry: Have you not seen the trim around the hood? What poor animal did they kill for that?

Keith: Hey, it’s not real fur. It’s fake fur. You don’t need to kill an animal to make fake fur. Besides, it's way cooler than real fur. It can come in all these different designs, patterns, colors, and…

(Suddenly, Keith sees something that grabs his attention)

Keith: OH MY GOSH, IT’S SANTA CLAUS!!! BABE, CAN WE GO TALK TO HIM, PLEEEASE?!

Cherry: (giggles) Keith, you’re like a little kid! But I’m down for it. Let’s go!

(As they make their way to see Santa Claus, they see that the line is a little long)

Cherry: Huh. There sure must be a lot of kids wanting to show Santa their wish lists this year.

Keith: No worries. We can just wait and come back when the line is a bit smaller. For now, let’s go find some good Christmas presents to give each other!

(As Keith and Cherry search the mall to find a store to buy presents, Keith runs into a stand that says “Exceptional Christmas Gifts”)

Keith: Maybe I should talk to the guy in the stand to see if I can buy something for Cherry that’s not too expensive.

(Keith approaches the stand to talk to the person running it)

Keith: Um, excuse me, I’m looking for a nice gift for my girlfriend. You got anything good for sale?

(The person…or should I say, robot…running the stand turns around and reveals that it’s Hex, and he’s selling Daddy Dearest merchandise)

Hex: Why, of course I do!

Keith: Hex?! Why are you running a stand in the mall? And…why is it full of Daddy Dearest stuff?

Hex: Well, it’s a funny story. After I accidentally knocked out your girlfriend’s father, I apologized profusely! He insisted he would forgive me, so long as I bought up some of his excess Daddy Dearest merchandise. “No problem!” I told him. “I am very wealthy!” And goodness, did this stuff cost a lot of money. I am nearly broke now. So, uh…Would you like to buy some Daddy Dearest merchandise?

Keith: Um…I don’t think Cherry would like that stuff too much…Sorry…Good luck trying to sell that merch, man…

(After this awkward situation, Keith leaves Hex’s stand to see if he can find a store to buy a gift for Cherry)

Cherry: No luck, huh?

Keith: Hmm, maybe if we talk to Santa, he might know what we can get for each other.

Cherry: That sounds like a good idea. Nobody’s in line right now, so this might be our chance. Let’s go!

(Keith and Cherry head on over to talk to Santa)

Keith: Hey, Santa! Mind tellin’ me…

(Suddenly, he sees that the mall Santa isn’t sitting in his chair. Instead, it’s Daddy Dearest and Mommy Mearest. Dad is holding the mall Santa at gunpoint while Mom sits on his lap. Cherry sees this, too, and she’s just as shocked as Keith is)

Keith: Huh?

Cherry: I don’t really know what I expected.

Dad: Santa’s a little…held up at the moment.

Keith: Geez, man, on the holidays?! You can’t leave people alone for the freaking HOLIDAYS?!

Dad: You know we can’t do that, kid.

Mom: We just like messing with humans. It’s hilarious how they can do little to stop us!

Keith: Come on, you guys, this isn’t funny. We just want to talk with Santa. What did he even do to you?

Dad: Well, Mom and I figured you wanted to see Santa, probably to ask him what you should get for our daughter this year, so we prepared for your arrival. Now Santy Claus here is at the end of a gun barrel!

Mom: That jolly jerk had it comin’ for daring to be the center of attention when Mommy Mearest and her husband were visiting the mall.

Stan the Nightmare Cop: Don’t worry, kid. Everything’s under control. Those two pull this stunt every year. The whole town knows about it, so the only Saint Nicks that sign up have a death wish anyway.

Mall Santa: I…I just moved here…

Keith: This is normal for you?

Cherry: Yeah…I don’t know why I expected this year to be any different…

Keith: Well…Maybe I’ll make this year different!

(Keith walks up to Dad and Mom to tell them to stop messing with the mall Santa)

Keith: HEY! YOU GUYS LET HIM GO!

Mom: Are you seriously telling us to give up our holiday traditions? Ugh…you’re such a party pooper.

Keith: I don’t think what you’re doing counts as tradition. Or a…legal activity.

Dad: And what’re you gonna do about it?

Keith: Uh…Can we rap battle for Santa’s life?

Dad: Another rap battle? Heh heh heh…Alright.

Mom: RAP battle? Hon, did you forget what time of year it is? We’re not gonna rap. We’re gonna carol! Ain’t that right, little boy blue?

Keith: I don’t know how I feel about pet names. Other than that, YEAH! Let’s have a darn good Christmas then!

Dad: If you can outrap…or should I say, outcarol both of us at once, I’ll spare this dirty little attention sponge so you can talk to him, and maybe we’ll all go home and do Christmas your way.

Keith: And if I lose?

Dad: You know what’s gonna happen…

Keith: Oh crap, you’ll take my soul.

Cherry: C’mon, Keith! I know you can do it! Even just having a regular holiday dinner with my family for once would be the best gift I could ask for!

Keith: Okay! Let’s show your folks what real holiday spirit is!

Dad: No gimmicks this time around, kid! Let’s show you how the Dearests bond on the holidays!

Cherry: This is not how we bond on the holidays. Let alone ANY time of the year.

(With that, the first song begins)

Cocoa
Dad: I’m just full of Christmas cheer Rich down to this baby here Bullets colored green, best I ever seen Once this jerk eats lead, he’ll be seein’ red Drippin’ down his white beard!

Keith: That’s just shallow coloring Not the joy this season brings! Bet you never had Christmas at your pad Last time that I checked, leaving Santa wrecked Sounds unfitting and weird!

Mom: Oh, big deal! How’d you celebrate it? Lovin’ one and all, bein’ dumb and small Goody-goody twerps who put others first Stay no-ones forever!

Keith: Oh, get real! If you haven’t made it… Holdin’ up the town, gunnin’ Santa down Doin’ for yourself and nobody else Ain’t a wise endeavor!

Dad: Bein’ brutal and in control Brought us fortune, success, and souls! Ain’t no Christmas tradition out there nowhere That’s nearly as treasured!

Keith: How ‘bout caroling in the streets? Drinkin’ cocoa and eatin’ treats? You don’t know what you’re missin’ Turnin’ your nose up to simple pleasures!

Mom: Allright, I guess I’ll concede; Carolers are a lotta fun! That is, when I run them down with my car! They fly really far! And they keep on singin’!

Keith: Hey, hold on, why would you speed into them When they wanna roam, go from home to home Bringing warmth and joy to young girls and boys When their doorbell’s ringin’?

Dad: Those punks know how to watch their backs If they’re not singin’ my tracks!

Keith: Christmas is for everyone! Can’t you just let them have fun?

Mom: Look, it’s not that complicated Even if our victims hate it We’ve got cash and demon powers So the whole darn town is ours!

Keith: When you spend your days exerting influence, think who you’re hurting! Could be hangin’ wreaths and stockings, but you trap yourself in plotting!

Mom: Oh, you think that’s all we’re doin’? Sittin’ ‘round with mischief brewin’? We’ve got tons of Christmas plans That make yours look pathetic, lame, and bland!

Keith: Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try it! There’s a joy in peace and quiet If you visit me, then you’ll see Christmas should be spent with family!

(The song finishes, but Dad and Mom are not convinced about what the true meaning of Christmas is supposed to be)

Dad: I mean…I don’t think spending the holidays at home is the worst idea…

Mom: Oh, Luis…Don’t tell me this kid’s gone and made you even softer than you were already.

Dad: He does have a point, though…When's the last time you stayed at home, sat around the dinner table with me and listened to my popular holiday tunes from the '70s?

Mom: As far as memory serves, you played those songs on loop for twelve hours.

Dad: I still do! And you could be part of it!

Keith: I think I’m starting to see why you guys have such crappy holidays…Now come on, let Santa go so I can talk to him! I really need to know what I should give Cherry!

Mom: Hey! Even if our…lifestyles don't match up perfectly, our holidays are still way better than the boring crap you've been preaching!

Dad: You don't want to spend some more time with us? I think this is a wonderful bonding experience!

Cherry: At the expense of others! Just look at what you're doing to poor Santa. By the way, what makes you guys think I'm all jolly with you two now? You've never learned to be normal! You've crashed my dates, trapped people in video games, lied to me that humans love crash landings, caused someone to smoke the sheer dread out of having to deal with you guys…it's so annoying! At this point, I think you have some underlying reason for attacking my boyfriend. You either want to kill him or make him your slave, huh?!

Mom: You're too young to understand, hon.

Dad: He's got a power that no man on Earth could ever hope to possess.

Keith (angry): WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! I'M JUST RAPPING AND SINGING AND STUFF!

Dad: That's the problem, kid. All you ever do is rap and sing. Yet, for some reason, it's so entrancing. You don't even know the weight of your powers.

Keith: …I don't know if it's that deep.

Mom: Whether you want to believe it or not, your abilities have always harmed innocents, but you'll never understand until it's too late. But hey, that's fine, sugar. Keep that blissful ignorance. I adore it.

Cherry: What do you mean? He's never harmed anyone.

Dad: Speaking of blissful, why don't we go back to our family bonding, eh, Daughter Dearest?

Cherry: Eugh…

Keith: Alright, pops, gimme something more fast-paced this time! That last one was a sleeper.

Dad: No problem, kid. Let's speed things up!

Mom: And let's brag about how the Dearests do December!

(And so, the second song begins)

Eggnog
Dad: Each Christmas season, I get a pleasant surprise! For one good reason: My paycheck triples in size!

Keith: So what, you’re wealthy! Already got it made! Man, it ain’t healthy living just to get paid!

Mom: While he’s at home countin’ royalties, I hit the town! Drinkin’ eggnog until I drown!

Keith: You just take off while you’re family’s sittin’ around Chug nog, go wild, and party down?

Dad: Don’t just sit in place! Got no time to waste! So I’m makin’ cash by makin’ threats! Each station in town knows we’ll burn ‘em down! They haven’t dared to oppose us yet!

Keith: I had no idea that every year You’re instillin’ fear in disc jockeys! The airwaves are broke! Can’t play other folks ‘Cause you’re provoked really easily!

Mom: Little bit seedy, but it pays the bills!

Keith: Evil and greedy, forcing out your will!

Mom: Ain’t it, though? And that’s only the first half!

Keith: That ain’t no Christmas cheer, don’t make me laugh!

Dad: Once I’ve locked in my pay, there’s so much work to do! I cook and clean all day, eat Christmas dinner too!

Keith: Too bad they’re incomplete after you’ve worked so long You’d fill that missing seat if you played other songs!

Mom: Nights go long, events get blurry Wake up with twenty or so new souls!

Keith: Don’t you panic and get worried When your drinks make you give up control?

Mom: I’ll be fine! I’m a demon! Stumble home, get a night of good rest!

Keith: Bet you wish while you’re dreamin’ You felt like you weren’t just a houseguest?

Keith/Dad: It’s not too late/That’s not how it goes! You could change this year/Us old demons know Into one where/How to get through little marriage quirks! You give Cherry what she holds dear!/I blast DD tracks, and when she gets back, I get her prepped for her day at work!

Keith: Just work through your differences And you’ll have a day that’s entirely bereft Of anger, regrets, mistakes, and upsets And counts of arson, abuse, and theft!

Mom: Feel like a reindeer ran me down, but still!

Keith: Is it worth tradin’ Christmas for the thrill?

Mom: If you don’t like our way of life, get lost!

Keith: Gonna make Cherry’s day at any cost!

(As the song ends, the Dearests decide that they give up while an exhausted Keith takes a moment to catch his breath)

Mom: Well, congratulations, kid. You’ve dissolved the ounce of respect I briefly had for you.

Keith: (still trying to catch his breath) Hey! It’s not my fault that you guys can’t get along.

Dad: We get along just fine. You, however, are down to your last song and have yet to outrap us. Better be careful…

Keith: Man, your parents are stubborn, Cherry…I don’t know if I can win this one…

Cherry: Don’t give up! I’ve got a plan. Mom and Dad aren’t ever dropping their vices, so stop trying to sway them and catch them by surprise with a different song instead!

Keith: You’re right! Their bet never said they got to choose all the songs!

Mom: Aw, drat.

Dad: Performing someone else’s song is literally my worst nightmare!

Keith: Ohoho, is that so? Then get ready to admit defeat! We’re singin’...

(Suddenly, before Keith can tell Dad and Mom what he wants them to sing, the lights go off)

Keith: Huh? Who turned out the lights? Hey, Cherry, I think the lights on your speakers used up some of the mall’s electricity.

(Keith chuckles nervously at his own joke, but he doesn’t hear his girlfriend respond)

Keith: Cherry…?

(Suddenly, something knocks him on the head and he falls unconscious. When he comes to, he realizes that he’s not in the mall anymore, and the Dearests are nowhere to be seen)

Keith: Hey, this isn’t the mall…Where am I? What just happened?! Cherry…? Where are you?

Cherry: I’m here, Keith!

(Keith turns his head to see that Cherry is with him)

Keith: How did we get here?

Cherry: I don’t know…It must have been some kind of mysterious force or something.

(Suddenly, the Lemon Monster appears out of nowhere, wearing a Santa hat)

Keith: *gasps* Oh no, not you again!

Lemon Monster: Season’s greetings, little morsel…

Keith: H-hey! You better leave us alone! I brought the juicer with me this time…so stay back!

(Suddenly, the Lemon Monster snaps his fingers, causing the juicer to melt in Keith’s hand)

Keith: …Or you could do that. Somehow.

Lemon Monster: It comes quite naturally to me. But I’m not here to fight. I’m just visiting for the holidays.

Cherry: Yeah, right! Like anyone would want to spend the holidays with you!

Lemon Monster: It’s true, sadly. I don’t really have any friends to spend the holidays with…So I’ve decided to borrow yours.

Cherry: Huh?

Keith: W-what do you mean?

Lemon Monster: Follow me.

(The Lemon Monster leads Keith and Cherry to a room where a curtain shows silhouettes of Dad, Mom, Skid, Pump, and Pico sitting together at a table)

Lemon Monster: Allow me to introduce my new friends.

(The Lemon Monster pulls back the curtain, revealing that none of the people Keith knows are the same as they usually are. They are completely silhouetted with characteristics of hot-pinkish eyes, sets of hot-pinkish teeth, and blood-stained claws. Keith and Cherry gasp at the sight of this)

Cherry: Mom? Dad? Are you okay?

Keith: Pico? Skid? Pump? What happened to you guys?

Lemon Monster: Those are not their names anymore. They are now Father Fearest, Mother Murder, Freako, Barebones, and Jack. That’s short for Jack O’Lantern. Don’t they make lovely monsters?

Keith: What-?! H-how did you do this to my friends and Cherry’s parents?

Cherry: This guy has to be pumping out gallons of magic for a trick like that! I bet if I threw him a few lightyears away…He’d lose his focus and break the spell! Should only take a week or two to recover from it.

Keith: No way I’m letting you spend Christmas exhausted! Let me figure out another way to beat him while you figure out what we should make your dad cook for Christmas dinner.

Lemon Monster: Oh, dinner! What a wonderful idea! Why don’t we sing a little cooking song to exchange our recipes?

Keith: …Okay! We’ll sing recipes! But if mine are better, you gotta turn everyone back to normal and go away!

Lemon Monster: Sounds fair to me. Let’s begin.

Winter Horrorland
Lemon Monster: Your skin is freezing… Here, let me help you take it off!

Keith: You should be leaving… Dressed light, you’ll catch a nasty cough!

Lemon Monster: Feasting with your friends What a perfect way to end All these lonely holidays La-la-la-la!

Keith: I’m not gonna spend My last time with my girlfriend On your freaky dinner plate La-la-la-la!

Lemon Monster: Gonna take a piece of your rabies And pick apart your mind

Keith: I don’t have that Bit cold, maybe But otherwise I’m fine!

Lemon Monster: Snowmen smiling with your teeth…

Keith: That’s really wild…

Lemon Monster: Fallen angels created with your meat!

Keith: Weren’t you makin’ plans to eat?

Lemon Monster: That pearly smile…

Keith: Can’t cook anything on snowy streets!

Lemon Monster: Cut you in a thousand slices Bake you ‘til golden brown

Keith: I’ll counteract your vices Won’t let you hold me down!

Lemon Monster: Stuff you with spices

Keith: Mix you with rice-s

Both: Serve you to friends around!

Lemon Monster: Separate you from your sight Turn your girlfriend inside out Burnt-up fingernails La-la-la-la

Keith: Let the dough rise up overnight Decorate the plate with sprouts Zest the shrimp and kale! La-la-la-la

Lemon Monster: Soak the meat in freezing water…

Keith: Squeeze the lemon, stop the slaughter…

Lemon Monster: Watching as the skin gets softer…

Keith: Make the icing in a saucer…

Lemon Monster: See the bones appear in dark red snow

Keith: (overlapping) Fresh lemon cake! Freeze it once baked!

Lemon Monster: Drop further…

Both: Below!

Lemon Monster: Gonna take a piece of your rabies And pick apart your mind Gonna take a peek instead your head And find the worm inside

Keith: (overlapping) Just give it up! Your body is designed to be eaten! I’ll never taste that juicy flave You lemon-head cretin!

Lemon Monster: Cut you in a thousand slices Bake you ‘til golden brown

Keith: Sell you for bargain prices Spread the taste through the town!

Lemon Monster: Fill you with spices

Keith: Sweet lemon ices

Both: Serve to friends around!

Lemon Monster: Turn the heat on high and we’ll reduce the blood

Keith: Kiss your life goodbye, you’re lemon bars, bud!

Lemon Monster: Boil lil’ boyfriend

Keith: Bring the meal to an end

Lemon Monster: With brandy and plums!

Keith: (overlapping) Eat up, here it comes! Tasty lemon crumb!

(The song finishes, and Keith is certain that he beat the Lemon Monster)

Keith: Hah! I think it’s pretty clear who won that one. I prepared a spread of gourmet lemon dishes. Whatever you were talking about didn’t even sound edible.

Lemon Monster: Indeed, indeed. We had our fun…But you’ve won fair and square. Too bad I don’t play fair.

(The Lemon Monster snaps his fingers, allowing the corrupted monsters to attack Keith and Cherry)

Keith: Cherry! Do your thing!

(Cherry prepares to use her demon powers on the monsters, but Father Fearest blocks them by covering her eyes)

Cherry: Gah! Dad? Mom? Why are you helping him?!

Lemon Monster: Corrupting people is easy. Controlling them takes time. About…oh, two minutes and thirteen seconds. But time flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it?

Keith: Wait, that song was just to stall us?!

Lemon Monster: I must thank you, little Keith. You’ve helped me so much! With all of these new friends to share with…I won’t have to worry about leftovers anymore. And as for you, little Cherry, you’ll finally get that Christmas dinner with your family you were so desperate for! I hope you don’t mind being the meal.

Keith (scared): I…just don’t get it! What’s the point of all of this?!

Lemon Monster: It’s nothing special, really. Just seeing you struggle until your final moments is truly delicious. And that fear makes you taste delicious, too.

(The Lemon Monster pulls out a knife and prepares to cut Keith apart. As this happens, Keith is so scared that his vision becomes distorted)

Lemon Monster: Goodbye, little Keith…

Cherry: No! Stooop!

(Suddenly, Keith finds himself looking at a bright blue sky. He’s also floating)

Keith: H-huh…? What’s…going on? We were fighting that Lemon Monster and…

(Keith looks at his hands and sees that his body is fading)

Keith: I…messed up, didn’t I…? Aw, dammit! Why did I just leave him with that eyeball monster in the spooky house? If we did something back then…None of this would have ever happened…Even just letting Cherry throw him would’ve solved it, but I had to be the hero…

(Suddenly, he lands on a cloud and sees some giant gates waiting for him, where angels stand beside them playing a harp and a horn)

Keith: Huh? Are those angels? But wouldn’t that mean…No, no, no, no…This can’t be happening! It’s too soon!

(Suddenly, he hears a familiar voice talking to him)

Voice: Don’t be afraid.

(The gates open, revealing an angel version of Carol)

Angel Carol: It’s all good, bro.

Keith: Carol?! You’re an angel?!

Angel Carol: A guardian angel, specifically. It means I can mess around on Earth, usually to fit in with mortal humans, but mainly to stop mass tragedies. And play golf. Weird perk, but I ain’t complainin’.

Keith: Then why aren’t you…preventing tragedies on Earth right now?

Angel Carol: I still gotta do regular angel stuff, too. That includes guidin’ souls like you on the last leg of your journey. You’re a soul, if you haven’t figured that out, by the way.

Keith: Does…Does that mean I’m dead?

Angel Carol: Almost.

Keith: Well, if I’m stuck up here…Then you gotta head down to Earth and save everyone from that freaky magic lemon monster!

Angel Carol: Oh, I’m sure they’re all fine. That guy likes to brag about warpin’ reality, but all he can really do is give people hallucinations. Anyone he transformed probably wasn’t even there.

Keith: But…he never transformed Cherry…Is she gonna be okay?

Angel Carol: Oh, relax, Keith. Relaaax. I can’t imagine my old bestie losin’ a fight with a lesser demon like him. Now let’s get you through those gates.

Keith: But I just…I don’t even wanna be here! I…shouldn’t be here! I got into rapping fights every week, I harassed innocent people, and I couldn’t even give Cherry a good Christmas. I’m so stupid and reckless…

Angel Carol: Oh, you’re stupid and reckless, all right. But even when things got tough, you kept rappin’ ‘til the end. You brought people out of their shells, gave hope to the hopeless, formed lifelong friendships, and even helped true love bloom…Despite everything, you were a good person, Keith. You worked very hard. But now, it’s time for you to come home.

(The gates open and a pair of angels arrive to escort Keith to heaven.)

Keith: (chuckles nervously) I bet Daddy Dearest must be furious he never got my soul.

Angel Carol: Don’t worry. Once you step through those pearly gates, no demon can touch you ever again.

Keith: Even…Cherry?

Angel Carol: …Yes. I’m sorry.

Keith: (sighs) It’s okay. I don’t deserve her anyway after letting so much go wrong…Man…If I just had one more chance to make things right…Maybe I’d give up that soul after all.

Angel Carol: …Wait. Rephrase that! What did you say?

(Suddenly, the gates of heaven shake, and Cherry in her demon form snatches Keith up)

Keith: Cherry…?

Angel Carol: Cherry! You can’t keep doing this, girl! His soul belongs in heaven!

Demon Cherry: No. His soul belongs to me, and me alone.

Angel Carol: This time was too far!

Demon Cherry: Too bad. We’re going...down.

(Cherry brings Keith down from heaven)

Angel Carol: Aw, darn it.

Keith: Do you…still love me?

Cherry: Always.

Keith: Then…what are you doing with my soul?

Cherry: Giving you one more chance.

(Cherry revives Keith, giving him another chance. They return to where Keith finished his rap battle with the Lemon Monster, where the latter is planning to unleash his corrupted monsters onto them)

Lemon Monster: We had our fun…But you’ve won fair and square. Too bad I don't play fair.

(But just as the Lemon Monster is about to snap his fingers, Keith turns to Cherry to unleash her demon powers on him)

Keith: Cherry! Do your thing! Throw him into the sun!

Cherry: You got it.

(Cherry scrambles up onto the table and unleashes her demonic powers)

Cherry: Up!

(Cherry's powers lift the Lemon Monster into the air)

Lemon Monster: Wait, what the-?!

(The Lemon Monster crashes headfirst onto the ceiling)

Lemon Monster: Oof!

(Suddenly, everything fades away, revealing that it was all just an illusion. Keith and Cherry are back in the mall, and nobody got corrupted after all)

Cherry: Huh...It was all just an illusion. Guess about thirty feet does the trick for those. You're safe now, Keith. Nobody is going to hurt us....Keith?

(Keith has passed out on the floor of the mall unconsciously. Cherry looks over him, looking worried. Dad and Mom also look over at him, wondering if he is really dead.)

Cherry: Keith?! KEITH, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? SPEAK TO ME!

Dad: I-I didn’t want this to happen, but, uh…It makes our job a lot easier!

(Suddenly, Keith begins to wake up)

Keith: Hhh…huh?

Dad: Oh, funk. He’s alive.

Cherry: Oh, thank goodness! I’m so sorry, are you okay-

(When Keith sees that he’s still alive and Cherry is there, he bursts into tears of joy and hugs his girlfriend tightly)

Keith: CHERRY! You saved me! And I'm alive!

Cherry: What’s going on? The lights weren’t off for that long, babe.

Keith: I saw him again…that lemon monster! He created this weird illusion where he turned everyone into monsters and threatened to cook us for dinner, so I rap battled him and won, but he just unleashed the other monsters on us and killed me! And…and then your friend Carol tried to get me into heaven, but you came and saved me just to give me another chance at life! I was so scared that I was dead. I missed you, and I felt so weak that I could barely do anything!

Cherry: (comforts her tearful boyfriend) Babe, nothing can kill you. I granted you immortality when I first started dating you. Besides, when I saw that monster, I used my powers on him to throw him onto the ceiling.

(Cherry points to the ceiling, where the Lemon Monster has crashed headfirst)

Cherry: The next time he tries to attack, I’ll get him real good!

Keith: (wipes his tears away) …Okay!

Mom: How boring. You should’ve died so I could’ve snatched you for myself.

Dad: No, he should’ve died so that we won’t have to worry about him trying to beat us!

Mom: Hey, who’s wearing the pants in this relationship? You or me?

Cherry: Can’t you believe that’s gonna be us someday?

Keith: I sure hope not.

(Suddenly, Stan the Nightmare Cop arrives to kick them all out of the mall)

Stan the Nightmare Cop: Hey! What’re you guys doing in the mall after hours? Go home!

(And so, Keith and Cherry arrive at the Dearest family’s mansion to have a nice Christmas dinner together)

Keith: Man…I’m so glad my encounter with the lemon monster was all just a bad hallucination. Sorry your Christmas is still gonna suck, though. I never got to find you a perfect gift.

Cherry: It’s okay, Keith. I don’t need any fancy gifts this year. You are the greatest gift I ever got.

(Just then, they see Mom drinking a carton of eggnog at a nearby table)

Mom: Ughh…

Dad: Honey?! Aren’t you going out for the night?

Mom: (takes a gulp of eggnog) Guhhh…Apparently, this Santa didn’t want to die. So we’re legally stuck here…until this settlement check processes.

Dad: Ooooh! Then we can finally listen to my Christmas music together again!

(Dad turns on the radio to hear some of his Christmas music)

Radio Announcer: And now…here’s a Daddy Dearest classic from 1976, contractually obligated to be on loop for the rest of the holiday season! It’s…"We Wish You a Hellish Christmas"!

Dad: Oh no! I forgot to insist on the 1975 version! This one’s an instrumental track!

Mom: (laughs) Looks like we’re both miserable this year.

Dad: Aw, forget it. Let’s just stuff our faces with ham.

Cherry: I can’t believe it…Everyone’s here for Christmas dinner! Keith, this is the best Christmas ever!

Keith: That’s great! I just…Ugh…I can’t shake this weird feeling that something’s wrong…

Cherry: Hmm…Maybe I have something that’ll help!

Keith: What is it?

Cherry: Mistletoe!

Keith: I can shake this weird feeling that something’s wrong!

Cherry: C’mon, sweetie, lemme give you a kiss!

(As Cherry kisses Keith and her parents share a laugh, this has been a great holiday season after all. Meanwhile, back at the mall, the Lemon Monster is still stuck on the ceiling, but he’s planning to get his revenge)

Lemon Monster: Happy holidays, little Cherina, and may you live to have a scary new year…Because I shall learn how to dispel your magic very soon. Mwahahahahahaha….