Will the Real Kermit Please Stand Up? transcript

Prologue: The Muppet Theater/The Wizard of Oz production
Miss Piggy/Dorothy: "Wait, come back, Mr. Wizard, don't leave without me!"
 * Miss Piggy is Dorothy
 * Foo-Foo is Toto
 * Scooter is the Scarecrow
 * Gonzo is the Tin Critter
 * Fozzie is the Cowardly Lion
 * Kermit is the Wizard
 * Annie Sue Pig is Glinda
 * Denise is Aunt Em
 * Link Hogthrob is Uncle Henry

Kermit/Wizard: "I can't come back, Dorothy, I don't know how this thing works, goodbye, my good friends!"

The hot air balloon disappears in a distance (backstage).

Miss Piggy/Dorothy: "Oh dear, I'll never get back home now."

Scooter/Scarecrow: "Look, Dorothy, here comes somebody who can help you out."

Annie Sue Pig/Glinda appears right in front of them.

Miss Piggy/Dorothy: "Will you take me back home to Kansas, please?"

Annie Sue Pig/Glinda: "Of course I can, Dorothy, but 1st you must say goodbye to your good friends."

Miss Piggy/Dorothy: "Goodbye, Tin Critter, now don't weep, you'll rust dreadfully."

Gonzo/Tin Critter: "Now I know I got my heart even though it's breaking."

Miss Piggy/Dorothy: "Goodbye, Cowardly Lion, I'm gonna miss the way you used to call for help right before you found your courage of comedy and laughter."

Fozzie/Cowardly Lion: "Well I wouldn't have found it, Dorothy, if it wasn't for you."

Miss Piggy/Dorothy: "And goodbye to you as well, Scarecrow, we did good together as always."

Scooter/the Scarecrow nods his head in agreement.

Annie Sue Pig/Glinda: "Are you ready to go back home to Kansas right now?"

Miss Piggy/Dorothy: [Clapping Heals 3 Times] "Take me back home to Aunt Em and Uncle Henry, take me back home to them."

The scenery switches from Oz to the Kansas farm lands.

Denise/Aunt Em: "Oh, Dorothy, we're so relieved you're safe and secure."

Link Hogthrob/Uncle Henry: "We thought we would never see you again."

Miss Piggy/Dorothy: "I'm never leaving here again at all."

The closing curtain begins.

Kermit: "Okay, everybody, that's our show, let's all head on down to Don Rickles Memorial State Park.

Fade to a black screen.......

[Theme Tune Music In Background]

Kermit: "It's time to get things started again."

[Short Version Of The Muppet Show Theme Tune In Background]

Scene 1: Don Rickles Memorial State Park
Kermit: "Oh boy, it sure is nice and beautiful out here."

Fozzie: "It sure is peaceful as well."

Gonzo: "I sure do believe in the nature of John Denver's memories."

Constantine (off screen): "You'll believe in anything than that."

Scooter: "Hey, Kermit, isn't that your evil counterpart, Constantine over there?"

Kermit: "Good grief, it's him!"

Constantine: "When you're all tied up and gagged, Kermit, I'm gonna take control of everything in the Muppet Theater."

Kermit: "That's not gonna happen this time, Constantine, mark my words!"