Sister Act 2: Sister Time (Musical)/Script

WARNING: *Sung lyrics in bold

Queue and Preshow
Timon: Hi, everyone! It's me, Timon. Sister Mary George and her friends are getting the wildlife footage all set up, so we should be starting the show real soon. Oh! I forgot. Just a little reminder to everyone, please don't put on your 3D convent glasses until you are seated inside the wildlife convent. Thank you. Sister Mary George: Hiya, everybody! It's me, Sister Mary George! (laughs) Are you ready for the show? That's great, 'cause I'm getting ready to open these here automatic doors. For those of you near our theater entrance, please be sure to stand away from the curtains and behind the yellow line and clear of the doors 'cause when I push the tiger, they're gonna open towards you. Now, uh, where'd that tiger get to? Hey, there it is! (laughs) Ready? Here we gooooooooo! Peacock Leader: Oh, hi everybody! It's me, your peacock leader! Now that you're here, go ahead and pick a row you want to sit in, and keep stepping 'til you're all the way across. That's right, buddy. Keep it a-moving! (squawks) And for your safety, please don't go puttin' on your special 3D convent glasses until someone tells you, okay? Thanks.

For all of you coming in, thanks for filling in all the available seats. And all of you going out, thanks for making the seats available. (squawks)

If you're still coming in, it's great to see ya! Now it's time to choose a row and move yourself all the way across, so you can fill up all the empty seats. That's right, ma'am. You show 'em how it's done! (guffaws) Gawrsh, being a stage manager sure is fun. Sister Mary George? Sister Mary Zira? Sister Mary Olivia? HEY, GUYS!!!! Are you all done up there? Man, wonder where they went? (walking slowly, reused cat screech, then the Peacock Leader screams) Sorry, little feller! (closes the door, opens the door) Almost ready! Hmm. How'd that get unplugged? I'll just plug all of them back in. (Peacock Leader puts all the plugs in, causing him and us to get electrocuted which triggers hidden air cannons in the theater, and we all scream in pain as well as Peacock Leader, and Peacock Leader thuds, birds twittering) (laughs) That's better. (exits the room and closes the door)

Prologue
Timon: Ladies and gentlemen, lions, tigers, and bears, vultures, swans, and peacocks! We ask of you to please refrain from eating, drinking, or using flash photography during today's performance. All right, everyone. Put on your 3D convent glasses because it's time to go back to 2004 with wildlife footage and proudly present Sister Mary George and her brand-new friends! (Applause from Neighborhood Animals. Timon opens the door, gasps, and runs to Sister Mary George) Sister Mary George! Where are Sister Mary Rafiki and your friends? Your friends are missing and it's showtime!

Sister Mary George: Showtime?

Peacock Leader: I gotta open the curtains!

Sister Mary George: Hey, peacock, we're not ready!

Peacock Leader: What's that? I can't hear ya, Sister Mary George!

Sister Mary George: Oh my gosh! Everyone, wake up! It's showtime! Don't forget the scenery. And I will be at the door.

Sister Mary Julia: You heard her, guys! Let's set up the scenery!

Sister Mary Brendan: Let's set up the animal footage!

Sister Mary Serena: Yay! I love it!

Sister Mary Korrina and Sister Mary Kiara: Okey-dokey-lion lokey!

(Sister Mary Kiara's dog barks in excitement!)

Sister Time
(Animal footage appears from Baby Noah. We hear the sound of a doorknob turning and a door swinging open behind the animal footage from Baby Noah.)

(We see the silhouette of of a nun as she stands in the shaft of light from the open door. The nun's footsteps echo as she walks down the shaft of light of a flashlight to a vulturine guineafowl on the floor. She picks the flashlight up and brings it to her eyes. It was Sister Mary George!)

Sister Mary George: In 2004, Sister Mary Mufasa built our convent near the Marriott's Grande Vista in Orlando, Florida and it seemed for some while thereafter that all the family's days would be warm and fair.

(Her gang of friends appear including Sister Mary Mufasa, Sister Mary Nala, Deloris Van Cartier, Sister Rafiki with her Rafiki costume from Broadway, Sister Mary Regina, and The Little Sisters of Hoboken with Father Virgil and Tevye.)

Nuns: '''The skies were blue and hazy Rarely a storm. Barely a chill. The afternoons were lazy, Everyone warm. Everything still.'''

Father Virgil and Tevye: Now there was distant music simple and somehow sublime giving the nation a new syncopation, the sisters called it Sister Time!

(Sister Mary Mufasa steps forward, a strong, commanding figure.)

Sister Mary Mufasa: I am well-off. Very well-off. My considerable income was derived from the manufacture of fireworks and bunting and other accouterments of patriotism. I am also something of an amateur explorer.

(Sister Mary Nala steps forward with a gracious, appealing lioness costume.)

Sister Mary Nala: The convent near Marriott's Grande Vista in Orlando, Florida was my domain. I took pleasure in making it comfortable for the nuns of my family, and often told myself how fortunate I was to be so protected and provided for by my friend!

Sister Mary Ono: Nala, will you cut it out? I worked in Mufasa's fireworks factory. I am a genius at explosives, herons, and even egrets! But I am also a young nun in search of something to believe in. My sister wondered when I would find it.

Sister Mary Rafiki: (Laughs) I had been a professor of a baboon, sangoma and a mandrill. Now retired and living with my daughter and her family, I am thoroughly smart by everything.

Sister Mary Regina: Hello, my friends! I am Sister Mary Regina, your reverend mother! I am from Nunsense! Come and see my new friends on the way! There are lots of animals here tonight. There were ostriches, gazelles, bears, gorillas, foxes, zebras, vultures, and...

Sister Mary Jefferson: SURPRIIIIIIIIISE! In the North Carolina convent, I forgot their troubles and danced and reveled to the music of me! This was a music that was theirs and no one else's.

Sister Mary Sarah: One young woman thought Jefferson played just for me. My name is Sister Mary Sarah!

Sister Mary Washington: I am the most famous nun in the convent. I counseled friendship between the races and spoke of the promise of the future. I had no patience with raccoons who lived less than exemplary lives.

(Suddenly, a bald eagle flies around us. Then, our friend on her roller-skates appear with Sister Mary Kiara following her bald eagle as falconry.)

Sister Mary Korrina: YEEEEEEEEE-HAW! Number 99! And that's gonna be you! In my eagle enclosure, I dreamed of a new life for Sister Mary Kiara. It would be a long journey, a terrible one. I would not lose Kiara, as I had Kiara's mother. My name is Sister Mary Korrina! I never spoke of my wife! Kiara was all I had now. Together, we would escape.

(A bald eagle lands on Korrina's arm. Suddenly, Sister Mary Zira appears above the nuns.)

Sister Mary Paul: Sisters! Look, it's Zira!

Nuns, Father Virgil, and Tevye: Ooh...aah! Praise the Lord! Ooh...aah! Praise the Lord!

Sister Mary Zira: (Cackles) I am one immigrant who made an art of escape, and I do not like LIONS AND TIGERS, but Sister Mary George loves the lions and tigers in the zoo! I am a headliner in the top Vegas circuits.

(Sister Mary Geanette points with pride!)

Sister Mary Geanette: She is the main villain ever to win a soccer game!

Sister Mary Zira: I made my mother proud. But for all my achievements, I knew I am only the illusionist. I wanted to believe there was more... (notices Sister Mary George.) Hello, tiger.

Sister Mary George: WARN THE MONKEY!

Sister Mary Zira: What did you say?

Sister Mary Geanette: She said, WARN THE MONKEY!

(The nuns silently applaud and loudly laugh. The moment is broken as Sister Mary Zira is enveloped by her crowd of admirers.)

Sister Mary Olivia: COME ON, NOW! You lions are awesome! What do you call a cat and a lye? Well, a ly-on! (Laughing) Get it, a ly-on?

(Laughter.)

Sister Mary Morgan: We now make a convent great.

Sister Flamingo: They can't help it. At the very top of the Walter Pyramid, that's the very tip-top! Like Pharaohs reincarnate, stood Sister Mary Morgan and me! Sister Mary Flamingo! All nuns are equal but some man and beast are more equal than others, now the cream rises to the top.

Sister Mary Goldman: Let me at those sons of bitches! These hyenas are the demons who are sucking your very souls dry! I hate them!

Sister Flamingo: Someone should arrest that wild woman!

(Vultures circle around and hyenas laugh Sister Mary Goldman.)

Sister Mary Goldman: I, the radical anarchist fought against the ravages of convent capitalism as I watched my hyenas and vultures' hopes turn to despair on the Lower East Side.

(Suddenly, Sister Mary Simba appears, dressed in her adult Simba costume from The Lion King musical.)

Sister Mary Simba: La la la la La la la la la Whee!

Sister Mary Goldman: But our convent was watching another drama.

Sister Mary Simba: I am the most beautiful nun in Orlando. If I wore my hair in curls on the lion's mane, every woman wore your hair in curls.

Sister Mary White: I am the lover and the eminent architect, Sister Mary White, designer of the San Diego Zoo.

Sister Mary Paddington: I am your stepmother, the eccentric millionaire, I, Sister Mary Paddington, am a violent nun, polar bear, and HYENA! (Tranquilizes Sister Mary White with her tranquilizer gun)

Sister Mary Simba: After my stepmother tranquilized my lover, I became the biggest attraction in Vegasville since 1999!

(Guineafowl, owls, tigers, zebras, ostriches, cheetahs, and jaguars appear from offstage right joining Sister Mary Goldman!)

Sister Mary Goldman: And although the newspapers called the shooting the Crime of the Century, I knew it was after 1998...

Nuns: (Shouting) AND THERE WERE SIX YEARS LONG AGO!

Sister Mary Goldman: (Swinging on a vine) Yahooooooooo!

Nuns, Tevye, and Father Virgil: '''Now there was music playing, catching a nation in its prime beggar and millionaire everyone, everywhere! We're moving to the Sister Time! Now there was distant music skipping a beat, singing a dream a strange, insistent music putting out heat, picking up steam the sound of distant thunder suddenly starting to climb it was the music of something beginning an era exploding, a century spinning in riches and seals, and in rhythm and rhyme the sisters called it Sister, Sister, Sister Time!'''

Goodbye, My Love
(Applause from Neighborhood Animals. We hear the Stentorian blasts of an ocean-going steam vessel. Immediately we hear the confident sounds of a ship's Sousa-esque orchestra playing the "All ashore" music prior to its immediate departure. We are on the main deck of the ship that will be carrying Sister Mary Mufasa on an expedition to the North Pole with Sister Mary Brendan! Sister Mary Mufasa is bidding goodbye to her gang. They have all gathered to see her off. Various ship personnel, their friends and a wildlife society mill about the pier below.)

Sister Mary Mufasa: Everything will be fine, Nala. You'd think the world was coming to an end every time a nun sailed off to the North Pole with Sister Mary Brendan.

Sister Mary Nala: I shall miss you.

Sister Mary Mufasa: Of course, you will. But it's only a year. Nothing much happens in a year. The world will not spin off its axis. Nothing will change, Nala. We will miss each other, but the world will stay the same.

Sister Mary Rafiki: I hope not. What this world needs is a good swift kick in the sangoma.

(Sister Mary Ono heard a roar of a lion.)

Sister Mary Ono: Look! Down there! On the pier! It's her! Sister Mary Simba! She's even more beautiful in real life than she is in the magazines. I'm going to try to speak to her.

Sister Mary George; Me too!

Sister Mary Clarence: Me three!

The Little Sisters of Hoboken: ME US! (Laughter)!

Sister Mary Mufasa: GUYS! You'll see Sister Mary Simba!

Sister Mary Paul: I want to see her, too.

Sister Mary Mufasa: You're the nun of the convent now. You have to keep an eye on Nala for both of us. Will you do that?

Sister Mary George and her friends: (to Mufasa) Yes, ma'am!

Sister Mary Mufasa: Good!

Sister Mary Rafiki: I want to go home. It's so great. Everyone, say goodbye!

Sister Mary Mufasa: I will miss you, Rafiki!

Sister Mary Rafiki: Then stay home.

(Sister Mary George's friends including Sister Mary Rafiki, Sister Mary Ono, Sister Mary Clarence and The Little Sisters of Hoboken walk offstage right.)

Sister Mary Nala: Come back soon and safe to us!

Sister Mary Mufasa: That is my intention.

Sister Mary Nala: And promise to see your tamed polar bears and walruses?

Sister Mary Mufasa: I promise. Now, unless you want to be the only woman left on a shipful of nuns, you'd better get ashore!

(Laughter.)

Sister Mary Mufasa: I'm sorry. That was coarse. Goodbye.

(Sister Mary Mufasa kisses Nala!)

Sister Mary Mufasa: Stay well. God bless you! (The other nuns and church people are waving their final farewells to the departing explorers. Sister Mary Nala watches as the figure of Sister Mary Mufasa recedes.)

Sister Mary Mufasa: And remember to cancel our subscription to the Polar Bear. I left money for an emergency under the library rug. Don't smile. You can never have enough money. And you'll remember to bring in the dahlias? Goodbye. Say a prayer for us. God bless our convent. God bless each and every one of us.

Sister Mary Nala: Goodbye my love

God bless you

And I suppose

Bless America too

You have places to discover

Oceans to conquer

You need to know

I'll be there at the window

While you go on your way

I accept that

But what of the people

Who stay where they're put

Planted like flowers

With roots underfoot

I know some of those people

Have hearts that would rather

Go journeying on the sea

Tell me what of the people

Whose boundaries chafe

Who marry so bravely

And end up so safe

Tell me how to be someone

Whose heart can explore

While still staying here

Let this be the year

We both travel

Goodbye my love

Journey on.

(Sister Mary Mufasa and Sister Mary Brendan can be seen on the bridge of their ship. It is night. We now see the tamed seals, walruses, caribou, and polar bears on the ship. Even the African penguins are on the ship too!)

Journey On
Sister Mary Mufasa: It's an honour to go on expedition with you, Sister Mary Brendan. It's the nun like you who've made this convent great!

Sister Mary Brendan: It's the nun like you who will keep it great, your Majesty.

Sister Mary Luke: All sails set, Brendan!

Sister Mary Brendan: Thank you, Luke. This is my cousin, Sister Mary Luke.

Sister Mary Mufasa: Good evening.

Sister Mary Brendan: Welcome aboard!

Sister Mary Mufasa: What's that? In the distance? Such a ghostly glow!

Sister Mary Brendan: They're called zoo ships. Immigrants from every zoo worldwide. Most of them are captive, injured, or healthy. They're your future animals, new friends I tell you!

Sister Mary Luke: My pets were also brought here on ships. Is it that right?

Sister Mary Brendan: Good watch, Luke!

(Sister Mary Brendan and SIster Mary Luke go offstage left. Sister Mary Mufasa stares across the dark waters to the tiger striped ship. At some distance she sees Sister Mary Korrina and Sister Mary Kiara!)

Sister Mary Mufasa: You're a brave nun, whoever you are. Coming so far, expecting so much! A salute to the nun on the deck of that ship!

A salute to the immigrant stranger

Heaven knows why you'd make such a terrible trip

May your own god protect you from danger

Is it freedom or love that you pray for

In your guttural accent

Too late, long gone

A salute to a fellow

Who hasn't a chance

Journey on.

(Sister Mary Korrina appears with her bald eagle to Kiara.)

Sister Mary Korrina: If sisters ask, how old are you?

Sister Mary Kiara: I am 10 years old.

Sister Mary Korrina: Your favorite wild animals?

Sister Mary Kiara: The eagle and the tiger.

Sister Mary Korrina: And where is your mother, NOW?

(The music stops!)

Sister Mary Kiara: DEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! (Kiara's loud voice makes us cover our ears! After Sister Mary Kiara said DEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD, Sister Mary Kiara's new pet dog like Korrina's bald eagle whines to Sister Mary Kiara! A vulture lands on the ship!)

Sister Mary Korrina: AAAAH! Sister Mary Kiara, that's too LOUD! This is my friend. She speaks for both of us.

Sister Mary Kiara: This is my friend. She speaks for both of us. Is that other ship going back home?

Sister Mary Korrina: NOOOOOO! The convent our home now. The convent is our zoo.

Sister Mary Korrina and Sister Mary Kiara: This is our zoo!

(Sister Mary Kiara's dog barks to the vulture. The vulture flies off from the ship, illuminating Sister Mary Mufasa and Sister Mary Korrina.)

Sister Mary Zira, Master Escapist and What a Game!
(Sister Mary George is having a nightmare! Even Sister Mary Mufasa is watching Sister Mary George sleeping in her bed.)

Sister Mary George: Sister Mary Zira the master escapist, master of getting free.

Sister Mary Zira: Holding my breath I'm dancing with death '''as daring as I can be! Enter the master, safe from disaster, making the people gay!'''

(KER-BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM! Sister Mary Zira is screaming and flying to offstage right! A crowd cheers! Sister Mary George is wide awake!)

Sister Mary George: Sister Mary Mufasa! Sister Mary Mufasa!

Sister Mary Mufasa: Sister Mary George, what is it? What are you doing out of bed? You just had a nightmare!

Sister Mary George: Something terrible is going to happen. An explosion! Sister Mary Zira is GOING TO KILL ME!

Sister Mary Mufasa: Sister Mary George, if you love basketball instead of your nightmare of Sister Mary Zira, it's a convent pastime!

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