Colonel Bleep and the Uncharted Earth/Transcript

Part One: A New Mission
''Deep in the heart of space, a flying saucer called the Soundac travels in the speed of light. The pilot, named Colonel Bleep, appears to be taking the journey seriously.''

Col. Bleep (narrating): I know what your mind is saying. A lone alien traveling to a planet that's nothing like mine. A planet enclosed in the universe's deep subconscious, advanced yet slightly primitive. If your guessing Earth, then you're correct, but this is not where my story starts, no. That all begin 42 years ago.

A flashback reveals Bleep's home planet: Futura as well as Bleep in his youthful years.

Col. Bleep: My name is Lucius Morningstar Bleep, but call me Colonel Bleep and this is my home planet, Futura: space capital of the universe. Growing up, I was born gifted and managed to graduate school at eight grades ahead of the other kids my age. At that time, my biggest dream was to the join the Futura High Command: the interplanetary intelligence agency that fought for peace and justice across space. Though in my childish perspective, if you were in the FHC, you could travel to whatever planet you entered in short bursts and even create futomic energy in less than a second. Then again, it was a lot more complicated than how I imagined.

Bleep is seen training in getting into the Futura High Command in a military school.

Col. Bleep (narrating): Of course, I had to train my whole body so that the FHC could accept me. Even though I was far more intelligent than the futurians of my age, I had to be at least 18 in order to join the agency.

Bleep is seen getting his first FHC space helmet during a special ceremony.

Col. Bleep (narrating): Eventually, all that training and studying paid off for becoming an assistant space deputy in the FHC: the lowest ranking.

A series of photo frames reveal Bleep reaching up to higher ranks.

Col. Bleep (narrating): During 24 years of service, I did countless jobs other than just fighting evil and defending my home planet: I made unique inventions. I got to interfere with other beings from allied planets. Also, I was a war veteran.

Several scenes reveal Bleep fighting against certain evil doers.

Col. Bleep (narrating): Just like how no one is perfect, no one is a perfect warrior. In some battles I won and I lost in some others. However, I chose to pull myself from failure since I vowed to not fail the FHC.

Bleep is then observing the stars alone.

Col. Bleep (narrating): Even though I did what the FHC commanded me to, I also wish I could explore the universe and its beauty, just like all the other officers. Then one day when I was titled the Command Sergeant 12 years ago, me and several scientists discovered something breathtaking in a distant planet.

Sergeant Bleep and the scientists observe a view of Earth in the computers from their futomic radarscopes.

Scientist #1: Psst! Sergeant, you need to see this. It’s kind of important.

Sergeant Bleep: See what exactly?

One of the computers feature what appears to be a nuclear explosion.

Sergeant Bleep: An explosion?

Scientist #2: Not just any explosion. It’s an explosion that appears to be blasted from some sort of chemicals, but we’re not sure which kind or what kind of bomb that thing came from.

Sergeant Bleep: That’s terrifying, but also fascinating at the same time.

The computers feature more nuclear explosions as time went on.

Col. Bleep (narrating): The explosion that we saw only gave us interest in a planet that we thought was not worthy of investigation, and that planet is…well you guessed it: Earth. As time passed on, we discovered more of these bombs that made the same kind of explosions. They appeared to be missiles that soared out of Earth’s stratosphere and eventually crashed down the surface doing those massive blowouts.

The computers then feature the launch of Sputnik 1.

Col. Bleep (narrating): 12 years later, when was finally ranked as the Colonel, we discovered another invention made by the earthlings: Earth’s first artificial satellite.

In an auditorium Colonel Bleep is then explaining his preparations for his first mission to Earth.

Col. Bleep (narrating): Because of that satellite and the bombs, us futurians were dying to know more about Earth, so they assigned myself to investigate the planet alone.

A montage of Bleep features himself putting on his futomic armor and heading towards the rocket ship, meanwhile in a nearby station, a group of scientists prepare for the grand rocket launch.

Scientist #3: This is the control station calling to Col. Bleep. Do you copy? Over.

Col. Bleep: Yes, I copy. Is the launchpad fully constructed for liftoff. Over.

Scientist #3: The launchpad is fully constructed and the rocket attached to the flying saucer is securely wired. In just a few moments, the ignition sticks will be fully obtained and the countdown will begin soon enough. At this time, please remain seated while you stand by for your adventure. Over.

Col. Bleep: Copy that. All systems are a go. I request permission to launch, if it’s about time. Over.

Col. Bleep buckles up his seat belt while turning on the power switches.

Scientist #3: Roger that Colonel, permission is granted. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey. Over and out.

As the scientist is about to push the launch button, the timer begins to tick.

Announcer: T-Minus, fifteen seconds.

Just as the rocket is about to launch, Col. Bleep breathes deeply as he clutches his hands to the saucer's yoke.

Announcer: 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...Ignition.

The rockets begins to burst out of fire and reaches for the skies.

Announcer: Liftoff!

''The rocket departs from Futura's atmosphere to outer space. It then breaks apart leaving out the flying saucer.''

Scientist #3: This is the control station calling to Col. Bleep. Congrats on a successful blast. Do you copy? Over

Col. Bleep: Yes I copy. I’m currently orbiting the Nova System. All hyper-speed systems are a go and will begin momentarily.

''The hyperdrive begins to reach full power. Bleep controls the Soundac to its direction towards the Solar System.''

Scientist #3: We won’t be able to contact you in hyper speed, but please send us a message whether you reach your destination or not. Over.

Col. Bleep: Roger that. Over and out.

''Bleep takes another deep breath right before he prepares for hyper speed. The Soundac travels as fight as light until it reaches the Oort Cloud.''

Part Two: The Caveman Awakens
After the Soundac has successfully reaches the Solar System, Colonel Bleep records his first travel journal entry.

Col. Bleep (narrating): Colonel’s log, stardate -365206.0662734652. The Soundac has successfully reached the Solar System through hyper speed. Although it still has not entered Earth, its destination planet, due to the fact that the ship needs to orbit the other planets behind it. This journal along with future travel log journals will be submitted to the Futura High Command back on planet Futura. This is Colonel Bleep signing off.

''The Soundac begins orbiting the following celestial objects: Pluto, Neptune, Uranus, Saturn, Jupiter, the Asteroid Belt, and Mars. While passing the Earth's moon, Bleep is unaware of an incoming meteor shower until the danger alarms turn off.''

Computer: Red alert! Red alert! Danger! Danger! Meteors ahead!

Col. Bleep: What?!

Bleep notices the meteors up ahead.

Col. Bleep: Great Galaxies. Looks like I’ll have to engage with the auto avoidance system. Computer, activate all auto avoidance systems.

Computer: All auto avoidance systems are activated. Please remain seated.

''Bleep controls the ship while trying to avoid the incoming meteors. Just as Bleep thought that he had averted all meteors, one of them hits an engine on the Soundac. This causes the ship to travel off course.''

Computer: Your main engine has been collided by a meteor. Results in landing may cause injury or death. Please proceed to your destination with caution.

Col. Bleep: Well, I’d rather land on earth injured than to die.

''Bleep activates the parachute button for the Soundac to release the safety parachute. The parachute swiftly brings the saucer down to the Earth's atmosphere and lands in a frigid glacier in Europe. The saucer suddenly slides down the slopes until it crash lands into a cave of ice.''

Computer: You have crashed.

''Bleep bursts the emergency door open and slowly sides down on a mound of snow. He then tries to communicate to the Futura High Command back home.''

Col. Bleep: Sizzling Saturns. The space-o-phone is damaged. The Soundac is damaged. This will all take weeks until I can leave this place.

Bleep activates his travel log.

Col. Bleep: Colonel’s log. The Soundac has reached Earth. Unfortunately, the ship crash landed in an unexpected area. The temperature is at 0 degrees Celsius. The surface is covered in ice and snow. The air is frigid and it’s not possible for intelligent life to survive without the necessary equipment for cold, icy places. This is Colonel Bleep signing off.

After finishing his travel log, Bleep finds a block of ice with a strange figure inside.

Col. Bleep: A frozen figure?

Bleep activates his futomic viso-scanner to get a more accurate look.

Col. Bleep: A male human stuck in cryostasis for 10,000 years, 11 months, and five days. Yet he’s still alive? Well there’s only one way to free this man.

''Bleep uses his futomic energy to melt the ice. The ice begins to crack and explode into pieces. After the ice has shattered a strange figure emerges from the mist. The figure reveals scratch: a giant caveman with a wooden club in hand. bleep peeks out from a rock and sees scratch waking up from the cold temperature. Bleep is surprised to see his first human.''

Scratch: *Yawn* *Stretches his back and scratches his head with his club* What the? Where am I? What time is it? Is it spring already? How long did I sleep? Am I alone in this place?

Col. Bleep: *Ahem* Greetings fellow earthling. I am Colonel Bleep from the planet Futura and I come to Earth in the means of peace and not…

Scratch: Who said that?!

Scratch begins to wield his club and nearly hits Bleep.

Scratch: Hello? Anyone here?

Col. Bleep: Sir, I’m right here. Below you.

Scratch: Oh, it was you. Aw, you’re so tiny I would have smashed you alive. Let me just pick you so it doesn’t happen again.

Col. Bleep: Woah, hey. No need to do that.

Without hesitation, Scratch picks up Bleep, but Bleep flies out of the caveman's way with his gyroblades.

Col. Bleep: I can fly, so no need to carry me. Anywho, you’re one of the humans?

Scratch: And you’re a flying ant with two legs and no fangs.

Col. Bleep: No, I’m a futurian. It’s obvious you’ve never met one until now.

Scratch: Well I bet it's obvious you have never met a human like me until now. Anyway, my name’s Clive Rockwell Scratch, but all my friends call me Scratch.

Col. Bleep: Well, Scratch let me start over with my formal introduction. *Ahem* Greetings, Scratch. I am Colonel Lucius Morningstar Bleep from the planet Futura and I come to your planet in the means of peace. There. I said my name. You’re welcome.

Scratch: Do I just call you Bleep or what?

Col. Bleep: Call me Colonel Bleep. Not Mr. Bleep, Dr. Bleep, deputy, sergeant, commander, major, captain, lieutenant, you get the idea.

Scratch: How did you get from this Futura place to here?

Col. Bleep: It was a rough journey. My starship got hit by an meteor and I crash landed in a place that I’m not supposed to be, which is here. Then again, if it wasn’t for that meteor I wouldn’t be able to unfreeze you from ice or…share my issues with someone.

Scratch: What’s a meteor?

Col. Bleep: Flying rocks from outer space. You know, like shooting stars.

Scratch: Aren’t shooting stars supposed to be tiny.

Col. Bleep: Not quite. The worst part is that they can cause minimal to great damage if they hit something or something.

Scratch: So you’re saying that a not-so-tiny shooting star damaged your “starship” and you came here by accident?

Col. Bleep: Affirmative.

Scratch: Wow, that is utterly confusing, but also horrible. Seriously, though you deserve a lot better.

Col. Bleep: Thank you.

Scratch: No pressure, Bleep.

Col. Bleep: Follow me, I’ll show you where the Soundac is.

Scratch follows Bleep to the Soundac, which is badly damaged.

Col. Bleep: Just be careful inside. I need to fix the power first.

''While Bleep repairs the ship's electrical power, Scratch slowly enters the inside, but his wooden club gets stuck. Scratch uses his might to pull the club inside. Right when he gets the club inside he trips and topples towards Bleep and the power cabinet. Despite hitting his friend, the force between Scratch and Bleep causes the power cabinet to restore the ship's power.''

Col. Bleep: Scratch, watch where you’re going…wait…what?! How did you…did you get the power back on?

Scratch: Hey, it’s not my fault that my club couldn’t fit into this door. Sorry you had to see that clumsy side of me, though.

Col. Bleep: It's fine, it's fine. At least the power is restored.

Scratch suddenly notices the food cabinet with space food packages.

Scratch: *Gasp* You brought food! Funny thing since I’m finally awake from my winter hibernation, I haven’t eaten breakfast yet.

Col. Bleep: Hibernation? Breakfast? It’s actually night out here and when exactly do you believe hibernation ends?

Scratch: The springtime!