The Anderson Family Movie



DON'T READ THIS ONE I WILL MAKE A BETTER VERSION OF IT SOON! The Anderson Family Movie Plot And Is Also Taking Place 25 Years Into The Future

Admirable nurse CAILLOU MATT ANDERSON is arguing with virtuous detective THE ANDERSON FAMILY MOVIE. MATT tries to hug FAMILY but he shakes him off. MATT Please Family, don't leave me. FAMILY I'm sorry Matt, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away. MATT I am such a person! FAMILY frowns. FAMILY I'm sorry, Matt. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore. FAMILY leaves.

MATT sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, smart private detective LEO JENNY CONNOR barges in looking flustered. MATT Goodness, Jenny! Is everything okay? JENNY I'm afraid not. MATT What is it? Don't keep me in suspense... JENNY It's ... a hooligan ... I saw an evil hooligan terrify a bunch of elderly ladies! MATT Defenseless elderly ladies? JENNY Yes, defenseless elderly ladies! MATT Bloomin' heck, Jenny! We've got to do something. JENNY I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start. MATT You can start by telling me where this happened. JENNY I was... JENNY fans himself and begins to wheeze. MATT Focus Jenny, focus! Where did it happen? JENNY National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London! MATT springs up and begins to run.

'''EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS'''

MATT rushes along the street, followed by JENNY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

'''INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER'''

POLLY SNOZCUMBER a spiteful hooligan terrorises two elderly ladies.

MATT, closely followed by JENNY, rushes towards POLLY, but suddenly stops in his tracks. JENNY What is is? What's the matter? MATT That's not just any old hooligan, that's Polly Snozcumber! JENNY Who's Polly Snozcumber? MATT Who's Polly Snozcumber? Who's Polly Snozcumber? Only the most spiteful hooligan in the universe! JENNY Blinkin' knickers, Matt! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful hooligan in the universe! MATT You can say that again. JENNY Blinkin' knickers, Matt! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful hooligan in the universe! MATT I'm going to need spoons, lots of spoons. Polly turns and sees Matt and Jenny. She grins an evil grin. POLLY Matt Anderson, we meet again. JENNY You've met? MATT Yes. It was a long, long time ago... '''EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME'''

A young MATT is sitting in a park listening to some orchestral music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees POLLY. He takes off his headphones. POLLY Would you like some jelly babies? MATT's eyes light up, but then he studies POLLY more closely, and looks uneasy. MATT I don't know, you look kind of spiteful. POLLY Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful hooligan in the world. MATT Wait, you're a hooligan? MATT runs away, screaming.

'''INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY''' POLLY You were a coward then, and you are a coward now. JENNY (To MATT) You ran away? MATT (To JENNY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do? MATT turns to POLLY. MATT I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time! MATT runs away.

He turns back and shouts. MATT I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with spoons. POLLY I'm not scared of you. MATT You should be. '''INT. HAMSTEAD HEATH, LONDON - LATER THAT DAY'''

MATT and JENNY walk around searching for something. MATT I feel sure I left my spoons somewhere around here. JENNY Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly spoons. MATT You know nothing Jenny Connor. JENNY We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here. Suddenly, POLLY appears, holding a pair of spoons. POLLY Looking for something? JENNY Crikey, Matt, she's got your spoons. MATT Tell me something I don't already know! JENNY The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km. MATT I know that already! JENNY I'm afraid of sausages. POLLY (appalled) Dude! While POLLY is looking at JENNY with disgust, MATT lunges forward and grabs his deadly spoons. He wields them, triumphantly. MATT Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower! POLLY No please! All I did was terrify a bunch of elderly ladies! FAMILY enters, unseen by any of the others. MATT I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly ladies were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Matt Anderson defender of innocent elderly ladies. POLLY Don't hurt me! Please! MATT Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these spoons on you right away! POLLY Because Matt, I am your mother. MATT looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself. MATT No you're not! POLLY Ah well, it had to be worth a try. POLLY tries to grab the spoons but MATT dodges out of the way. MATT Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh? Unexpectedly, POLLY slumps to the ground. JENNY Did she just faint? MATT I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly spoons. MATT crouches over POLLY's body. JENNY Be careful, Matt. It could be a trick. MATT No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Polly Snozcumber is dead! MATT What? MATT Yes, it appears that I scared her to death. JENNY claps his hands. JENNY So your spoons did save the day, after all. FAMILY steps forward. FAMILY Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful hooligan? MATT Family how long have you been...? FAMILY puts his arm around MATT. FAMILY Long enough. MATT Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Polly Snozcumber. FAMILY Then the elderly ladies are safe? MATT It does seem that way! A crowd of vulnerable elderly ladies enter, looking relived. FAMILY You are their hero. The elderly ladies bow to MATT. MATT There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Polly Snozcumber will never terrify elderly ladies ever again, is enough for me. FAMILY You are humble as well as brave! One of the elderly ladies passes MATT a wooden necklace FAMILY I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude. MATT I couldn't possibly. Pause. MATT Well, if you insist. MATT takes the necklace. MATT Thank you. The elderly ladies bow their heads once more, and leave.

MATT turns to FAMILY. MATT Does this mean you want me back? FAMILY Oh, Matt, of course I want you back! MATT smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant. MATT Well you can't have me. FAMILY WHAT? MATT You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a hooligan to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that. FAMILY But... MATT Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Jenny. JENNY grins. FAMILY But... JENNY You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo! FAMILY Matt? MATT I'm sorry Family, but I think you should skidaddle. FAMILY leaves.

JENNY turns to MATT. JENNY Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend? MATT Of course you are! The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly JENNY stops. JENNY When I said I'm afraid of sausages, you know I was just trying to distract the hooligan don't you? THE END