L4D2:The Movie/Who's Cooking Tonight Scene Transcript


 * Coach and Sasha are sitting at a table and Sasha is on the Phone*

Coach: *stomach rumbles* Oh, shit. Ugh! Sasha?

Sasha: *still on his phone *

Coach: Sash!

Sasha: *still his on phone*

Coach: SASHA FOKIN!

* Sasha’s phone disintegrates*

Sasha: Da?

Coach: I’m hungry!

* Sasha shrugs*

Coach: *points to the stove* Steak dinner.

Sasha: Yeah, I will deep fry you an entire goddamn cow.

Coach: HELL YEAH!

Sasha: I was just playing with you, man. Can’t believe you fell for that.

* Coach starts ordering what he wants*

Sasha: No, no.

Coach: *still ordering*

Sasha: No!

Coach: *still ordering*

Sasha: NO! NOOOO!

Coach: GET YOUR ASS IN THE-

* Sasha goes over to Coach*

* pause*

Sasha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coach: Mister, I don’t think I like your attitude.

Sasha: Kiss my Butt.

* Coach slaps *

Sasha: Coach. *waves his finger in Coach’s face* You do that again, and I will-

* Coach bites Sasha’s Robotic finger*

* Sasha screams and punches Coach into the wall*

* The two of them start throwing furniture at each other and fighting*

* A closet falls onto Connor, who was in the room with them*

* They ignore the radio and start hitting each other*

C: *pushes Claude near a closet and a picture frame and the closet fall on top of him*

* Sebastian then picks up the radio and throws it out the window*

* The radio and some other thing fall on Angel Dust, who was walking outside*

Angel Dust: *throws them away* Good thing I’m in the- *they fall on him again*

* Sebastian and Claude keep fighting and accidentally throw something at Charlie*

* They keep hitting and fighting with each other*

Emi: *listening from another room*

Sebastian: *pulls out a chainsaw*

* Ai pops out from a nearby trash can and Claude takes her out and makes her charge at Sebastian*

* They fight some more which causes a big boom, ending their fight*

Emi: *from the other room* That better have been an accident.

* She enters the room*

Emi: Don’t make me get- SWEET LINCOLN’S MO-

* The camera pans to them, knocked out, and then back to Emi*

Sebastian: *wakes up with cracked bones* What? Oh hell-

* Emi roars*

Sebastian: Aaaaand it’s about to get all bad and shit.

Claude: Tits!

Ai: Hey, that’s not cool. Seriously-

* Emi charges at them and attacks*

* pause*

* Claude and Sebastian are at the stove*

Sebastian: Claude.

Claude: Yes?

Sebastian: I’m hungry.

Claude: Um, I don’t care.

Sebastian: Excuse me?!

Claude: NOBODY CARES.

* Ai talks over them and Angel Dust turns on a radio at full blast to drown out their fight*

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