WikiViews What If's: What if Disney bought Nintendo?

Noah is shown choking an unknown person. We then cut to a bunch of flashing clips of Disney-related properties. Komm, süßer Tod is playing in the background. Silence. Noah screams. We then reveal Mickey Mouse is the one manipulating him. Noah ends up back in the living room. Mickey Mouse dressed as Palpatine appears. He shoots Noah with lightning. Mickey goes down a warp pipe. Noah is left in shock. Dillon then imagines if Warner Bros. bought Sega with Sonic, Joker and Kazuma Kiryu inside Wily Wonka's Chocolate Factory. We cut to clips of random Nintendo games. The 20th Century Studios fanfare plays for laughs.
 * Noah: (VO) No one understands me.
 * ???: (VO) You never understood anything.
 * Noah: (VO) I thought this was supposed to be a world without pain, and without uncertainty.
 * ???: (VO) That's because you thought that everyone else felt the same as you do.
 * Noah: (VO) Y-you betrayed me! YOU BETRAYED MY FEELINGS!
 * ???: (VO) You misunderstood from the very beginning. You just believed what you wanted to believe.
 * Noah: (VO) Nobody wants me, so they can all just die.
 * ???: (VO) Then what is your hand for?
 * Noah: (VO) Nobody cares whether or not I exist, and nothing ever changes... so they can all just die.
 * ???: (VO) Then tell me... what is your heart for?
 * Noah: (VO) It would be better if I never existed... I should just die too.
 * ???: (VO) Then why are you here?
 * Noah: (VO) Is it okay for me to be here?
 * Dillon: Huh?
 * Noah: What the FUCK happened?
 * Dillon: IDK. I just saw a weird serious thingy.
 * Noah: It was probably Mickey Mouse.
 * Dillon: (sarcastically) Sure, and I'm haunted by SpongeBob.
 * Mickey Mouse: H-HEY EVERYBODY! Fuck you!
 * Noah: Told ya.
 * Dillon: (to the audience) And this is why I like video games more.
 * Noah: Mickey, why the fuck-
 * Mickey Mouse: It's EMPEROR Mickey!
 * Noah: What the FUCK was that for?
 * Mickey Mouse: The reason why you've received that hot diggity horrifying message is because I have just bought Nintendo! H-ha! Now Xenovengers kill them!
 * Dillon: Xenovengers?
 * Mickey: Xenomorph Avengers.
 * Noah: Oh, shit!
 * Mickey Mouse: Oh well, time to make those Super Mickey Bros. cartoons! H-ha!
 * Noah: No... that's not true... that's impossible! NO!!!!!
 * Sonic: Still better than the Bottomless Taz.
 * Noah: (VO) So Disney bought Nintendo... yay. Now there's gonna be some giant cinematic universe with Super Smash Bros. or whatever.
 * Dillon: Or a shitty live action film made by Kenneth Branagh.
 * Noah: So now Disney has the power to ruin Mario, and Legend of Zelda, and Metroid, (overlapping layers of audio) and Pokemon, and Star Fox, and Fire Emblem, and Animal Crossing, and F-Zero, and Earthbound, and Splatoon, and Kid Icarus, and Kirby, and Game & Watch, and Punch-Out, and Xenoblade, and Donkey Kong, and Yoshi, and Brain Age, and Pikmin, and Mario Kart, and Mario Party, and Mario Tennis, and Mario Super Sluggers- (overlapping audio stops) hey, remember Mario Super Sluggers? That... that was a thing.
 * Dillon: Everybody forgets Code Name S.T.E.A.M...
 * Noah: Now keep in mind, Disney fucking around with Nintendo properties is nothing new. In 1993, Hollywood Pictures, a division of Disney, released the shitty Super Mario Bros. movie, and Nintendo has been pretty strict about their game adaptations from that point. It's a fucking miracle Pokemon: Detective Pikachu was a tolerable enough experience. Anyways, more on context, during the late 90s Disney owned the animation company DiC Entertainment through a limited partnership, which had also created cartoons based on Super Mario Bros. and The Legend of Zelda. Additionally, Miramax, another former division of Disney (notice a pattern here?) distributed several of the Pokemon anime films, which is quite interesting because at the time the Pokemon anime's home seemed to be at Kid's WB.
 * Dillon: Let's also remember that Disney fucked up Prince of Persia as well.
 * Noah: Well, that's not Nintendo.
 * Dillon: But it’s still a video game movie that Disney fucked up.
 * Noah: True.