Avenue Q Warning Transcripts

This is a page that contains transcripts of every character dialogue of whenever something explicit about to happen during a skit, song, and/or a scene. In fact, it could also apply to when a song with explicit lyrics is about to play.

Princeton
Princeton: Okay, now, what you're about to see, is not for kids, so I'd like to ask you to take your children out of the room, or cover their eyes and ears. Don't worry, they can watch again when the scene is over. Remember, you only have 15 seconds, starting...now! Did ya do it? Good. Roll 'em.

Kate Monster
Kate Monster: These next few scenes are not "fur" the little ones, please take 15 seconds to get them out of the room. Are they gone? Good, roll the scene/song/skit.

Nicky
Nicky: Hi, Nicky here, so...umm...yeah, you might wanna take your kids for a walk, and come back in at least 15 seconds. Are they gone? All right, start the scene/song/skit.

Rod
Rod: Please, have your children vacate the premises, it'll only take 15 seconds.

Ricky
Ricky: Ya might wanna cover your kids' eyes and ears for this one. Only takes 15 seconds.

Trekkie Monster
Trekkie: Blah, blah, blah 15 seconds, ya know...just don't let your kids watch it.

Lucy the Slut
Lucy: You only have 15 seconds, to get your kids outta here, just 15 more seconds, or cover their eyes and their ears, cause this next scene is not for the young ones, so do the right thing and let them watch something else.

The Bad Idea Bears
The Bad Idea Bears: Hi, it's us, Fizzie and Fuzzie, the Bad Idea Bears!

For the next 15 seconds, please get your children out of the room, the next scene isn't for the cubs.

Basically all we're saying is, don't do anything we wouldn't do, that would indeed be a bear-y bad idea!

Just because we're bad, doesn't mean you should be.

Even we have our limits when it comes to children.

You only have 15 seconds to get the kids to leave the room for the scene, starting now!

Time's up!

And now, without further ado...

Back to the show!

Mrs. Thistletwat
Mrs. Thistletwat: For the next 15 seconds, please have any younger children vacate the premises. The following scene is very explicit, strictly not for them. Consider this a parental guidance moment.

Julian (formerly known as the Newcomer)
Julian: The following scene/skit/song is very explicit, so if you have kids, you have 15 seconds to get them to leave the room. ......Did they leave? Good. And action!

Cinderelmo and Trumplet
Cinderelmo: Hi, everybody! Cinderelmo here.

Trumplet: And don't forget me, Cinderelmo's blanket, Trumplet!

Cinderelmo: Do you have any kids in the room with you? If you do, then you better take them out of the room right now.

Trumplet: And the reason why is because the following scene/skit/song is for adults only. That means no one under the age of 18 should see this.

Cinderelmo: Not even Cinderelmo. (shakes head) No, no, no.

Trumplet: Right you are, Cinderelmo.

Cinderelmo: Yeah. (as the countdown appears) So you got 15 seconds to get any children in the room to leave the room immediately.

Trumplet: Starting... now!

Cinderelmo: (once the countdown reaches zero) Are the kids gone?

Trumplet: I don't think I see any children out there anymore, Cinderelmo. All clear!

Cinderelmo: Good! Time to resume the show!

Trumplet: Yeah. We better get outta the way and keep from seeing and hearing this, too.

Cinderelmo: Oh, yeah, you're right, Trumplet. Let's go. Enjoy!

Kieran
Kieran: Hey there, everyone! This is Kieran Monster, and I'd like to tell you guys something important. Take a look at this. (the warning sign appears behind him in the background as he presents it) This sign indicates that what you are about to see is gonna be very explicit, meaning it's for people ages 18 and up only to watch. So if you have kids in the room with you, please have them leave immediately. In fact, you should get the children out of eyesight and earshot of the skit/song scene/scene about to play and then get back in time to even see the beginning of it. I think about... 15 seconds should be plenty enough to be prepared, starting... (as a countdown watch appears on-screen) now! (hums a bit as the watch ticks) Shouldn't be a moment for all the kids to leave. (the timer reaches 00 and rings) Is the coast clear? Are the children safely absent? (momentary pause) Okay, then! Start the skit!/Roll the scene!/Play the song scene!

Excalibird
Excalibird: Hey guys, it's your favorite blue birdie buddy, Excalibird. For the next 15 minutes please refrain from showing your kids the following scenes, or you could possibly turn the volume down or cover their eyes. So are the kids gone? Oh good, let's roll the scene.

Barnaby
Barnaby: Oh, didn't see you there. Barnaby Snufflestiltskin here to remind you the next scene is for the adults watching, so that means any of you kids out there better go do something else, it'll only take 15 seconds. (After the countdown ends) No kids present? Goodie, roll the next scene.

Cookie Marshal
Cookie Marshal: Hello! Me Cookie Marshal, and me here to give you viewers at home very important message. The following scene for adults only. Not appropriate for children. If kids present in room, please get them to leave for scene about to be viewed. You have 15 seconds to do so, starting... now. (as he waits) Dum-dum-dum-dum... (Once countdown expires) Are kids gone? Are adult viewers only ones in room? Good. Then back to Avenue Q! Oh, and me better get back to work.

Alys
Alys: Hi, all my little boos and ghouls, this is Alys, with a warning for all the younglings, these next few scenes aren't for you, especially for those with weak hearts. Take this time for a 15-second break. Are the little ones gone? Oh, good. On with the show, then. Zippity Zap!

Angelita
Angelita: Hola, everybody! This is Angelita, and I'm gonna give you una advertencia. What does that mean, you ask? In Spanish, that means... (as the sign appears) ...a warning! Because the following scene is explícita. That's "explicit" in Spanish. So for this, tienes quince segundos para que las niñas salgan de la habitación. Or as you Americans say, you have 15 seconds to get the kids to leave the room, starting... now! (Countdown expires) Ellas se han ido? Are they gone? Muy bien! Back to the show, then!

Evan
Evan: Uh, hi, my name's Evan, you may not know me but I happen to be one of the monsters on Avenue Q, and of course, I know that there are some things kids shouldn't be watching like this next scene, so you have any kids with you, then you know the drill. Only takes 15 seconds.

Joan
Joan: Hi Joanie here (laughs) Ya see this little red circle thingy? When you see this (the symbol appears behind her in the background) it means that if you're probably a little kid who's not gonna like what's coming up next, so for the next 15 seconds, go play or get something to eat and then come back later, OK?

Henry Monster
Henry: Hi, Henry here, now I may not know my own strength but what I do know is what you're about to see is for adults only. That means no kids should be in the room with you, but if they are, please tell them to leave, it only takes 15 seconds. The kids are out? Good. Okay, roll 'em!

Terry
Terry: Terry here to remind you that this next scene is for adults only, so kids go do something else for a while.

Russell
Russell: Hello there! This is your cute and adorable pal, Russell. These next scenes, however, are not cute and adorable, because they are strictly for adults. So for the next 15 seconds, please have your children leave the room. Thank you. (When the countdown expires...) Time's up! Are they gone? Did they leave the room? Oh, good. Then back to Avenue Q. Roll the scenes!

Alcindor Von Count
Alcindor: 15! 15 seconds, which is how long you have before the upcoming scene plays, so please, little children, cover your eyes and/or ears or leave the room for a while until the scene is over, okay? (The countdown expires) Now it's zero! Zero seconds on the countdown! Ah-ah-ah! (cue thunder and lightning) Ah, I just love to count. But enough about that. It is time to start the scene. And 3, 2, 1!

Sam the Mini Yeti
Sam: This is Sam the Mini Yeti only with a warning that this skit/song contains explicit language and/or actions not appropriate for your little ones. It's not gonna be warm and fuzzy like me, folks. Should give you about fifteen seconds....are your little ones gone? Okay, unfreeze!

David Red
David: This next scene isn't for kids, so please take 15 seconds to get your kids out of the room, m'kay? (When countdown expires...) Time's up! Now let's start the scene, m'kay?

ALF
ALF: We at Avenue Q are very, very sorry for what you're about to see, so please, please take 15 seconds to get your kids out of the room. (Once 15 seconds passed...) Time's up! If the kids are absent, good for you. Otherwise, don't blame us if they get badly affected about what's about to start right now. In any case, enjoy!

Sherman the Frog
Sherman: Hi-ho, Sherman the Frog here. If you're yellow like me, you shouldn't watch what's up next. The reason why is because the following scene/song/skit is explicit, not for children, or the easily squeamish. You have about 15 seconds to get them to leave the room. Are the children gone? Oh, good. I'll be leaving here, too, since I'm actually squeamish for this, too, so, uh... yeah, I'll leave you to this scene/song/skit. Enjoy it, folks. (If Spamela is in the scene/song/skit...) Are the children gone? Oh, good. I'll be, uh... over there. Not that I want to watch Spamela in this, even if she's a really sexy pig. Uh, okay, I'll stop now. I'll leave you to this scene/song/skit. Enjoy it, folks.

Spamela Hamderson
Spamela: This next scene is too hot for television, dare I say even hotter than I am, so ask your kids to leave the room. It'll only take 15 seconds. (When countdown expires...) Are they gone? Good. Enjoy!

Bixby Bear
Bixby: (as the show freezes, off-screen) What did the warning sign say to the viewers watching at home?

(Bixby pops up as the warning sign appears behind him.)

Bixby: WARNING! Ahhhh! But seriously, the sign behind me indicates that the following scene is only for adults, and not for children, or those who are easily squeamish. That's why you got 15 seconds to get them to leave the room immediately. Got it? Okay. Timer starts... now! (When the clock expires...) Is it all clear? Then let's get on with the show! Wocka wocka!

McGruff the Crime Dog
(The instant the episode pauses, McGruff walks in as he looked at the camera.)

McGruff: McGruff the Crime Dog here. I know what's about to happen. (as the sign appears behind him, McGruff points with his thumb) See this sign here? That means there's about to be some explicit activity that should be viewed only by adults exactly or over the age of 18. If you have kids in the room with you, it's best you escort those kids away at once. There have been some cases of foolish children peeking at adult stuff that they should not be looking at. Some get traumatized seeing it, and others become perverted to the point of being naughty. So don't take any chances with anyone under the age of 18. Do your part right now and take them out of the room right now. You have 15 seconds to do that. (When time expires...) Is the coast clear? Good. Now, to resume the episode. And remember, folks, think about your kids whenever you see this sign.

Scruff
Scruff: (walks in) Hey, what happened to the show?

McGruff: (walks in afterward) I'll answer your question, Scruff.

Scruff: What is it, Uncle McGruff? Why did the show freeze?

McGruff: It's quite simple, Scruff. (as the sign appears behind the two) See that sign?

Scruff: Huh? (reads sign) Oh, I get it! A segment for adults only is about to play!

McGruff: That's right, Scruff. And do you know what that means?

Scruff: Yeah, children under the age of 18 shouldn't be present until the scene is over.

McGruff: Absolutely correct.

Scruff: So... how will the show continue?

McGruff: Simple: Any adults who have kids must get them out of the room within 15 seconds.

Scruff: Oh! Okay! Got it! So all you folks under 18, you have 15 seconds to leave the room, starting... now!

McGruff: (as the countdown gets closer) 5... 4... 3... 2... 1.

Scruff: Are the kids gone? Good! Now, on with the show!

McGruff: Time to get you outta here, too, Scruff. You're a kid, too, you know.

Scruff: (as he and McGruff leave) Yes, Uncle McGruff.

Cookie Mongoloid
Cookie Mongoloid: Hey, you! Folks watching at home! Do you have kids in room with you? If you do, better take them out of room now, because what you about to watch very explicit. You got fifteen seconds to do it. Have kids gone? All right. Time to play scene/skit! (If an explicit song about to play...) Have kids gone? All right. Time to rock and roll!

Rattles the Snake
(Note: he speaks with a hiss, so imagine, if you will multiple s's in his sentences)

Rattles: SSSSStop! This is Rattles the Snake here with some words of wisdom: The following sssscene/sssskit/ssssong about to play is gonna be explicit, which means that kids should not be watching this. If you have them in the room with you, I suggest you escort them out of the room immediately. I think about... ten sssseconds. Are your kids gone? Good, back to the show!

Bubbasaur
Bubbasaur: Hello, everybody! You see this sign here? That means what's about to play here is not for children. So if you have kids in the room with you, then you should immediately get them out of the room for the whole segment. You have 15 seconds to get them out starting... now! (after the countdown expires) Are the kids gone? Oh, good. Then on with the show! Oh, and one more thing: Don't compare me to a certain purple dinosaur, 'cause personally, it annoys me. No hard feelings to those who grew up with and still love him. (referring to Barney)

Stephanie
Stephanie: Hi there, everybody! It's me, Stephanie, formerly from LazyTown. What you're about to see is a scene/skit/song that is NOT for all the kids at home. If they're in the room with you, then you have 15 seconds to get them out of the room immediately, beginning... now! (Once the countdown expires...) Are they gone? Good. Back to the show!

Olive Hoover
Olive: Hi, this is Olive Hoover, you might remember me from the movie (and Broadway musical) Little Miss Sunshine, now some of the things you're about to see are not for kids, heck what I did in my film was tame compared to what's coming up. So for these next 15 seconds, all I can say is don't let your kids watch this.

Shiloh
Shiloh: Hi, this is Shiloh (or SportaShiloh, if you prefer) from Lazytown, this next scene contains things that aren't too kid-friendly, so for the next 15 seconds, please get any children around to leave the room and refrain them from showing what is about to occur. In the words of my archenemy Robbie Rotten, "Don't let your kids watch it!" (Countdown passes) Time's up! And here we go!

Luckl-Duckl Bird
Luckl-Duckl Bird: We interrupt this program to bring you a special message from WING Radio: The following scene has explicit material, strictly for adults. That means kids can't watch the upcoming scene. If you have kids in the room watching this with you, then you must get them to leave the room immediately. You have 15 seconds to do so, starting... now. (Once the countdown passes) Are the kids gone? Good. Then we now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Allegra
Allegra: Hi, everybody! It's me, Allegra! And I'm here to tell you that for the next fifteen seconds, you must get your kids to leave the room, because the upcoming scene is for grownups only.

Sonata: Allegra! (as she walks up) You better leave here, too, because you're also a kid.

Allegra: Oh, right! Then I better get outta here. You kids at home better leave the room, too.

Sonata: The timer starts... now! (After 15 seconds passed while Allegra is gone...) Allegra's gone. Are the kids at your home gone, too? Good. Time to resume.

Eureeka
Eureeka: Hi, guys, this is Eureeka. For the next fifteen seconds, please tell the kids to come out of the room, 'cause these next few scenes aren't for kids. Once you finished, I'll cast a spell to resume the show. (After 15 seconds passed...) Are they gone? Okay, here we go. Alakazam!

Magellan
Magellan: Hey there, it's Magellan, if you're a baby dragon, like me, then this coming scene isn't for you. Course, if you're not really a dragon yet you're still a kid, it still counts. This pause will only take 15 seconds, so please get the kids out of the room while we start the timer. (Once the timer ends... Alright, are they gone? Goodie, roll the next scene.

Batly
Batly: For the next 15 seconds, please get your kids to leave the room, and do not let your kids watch the following scenes. (After 15 seconds passed...) Is it all clear? All right, let's get this show on the road, roll the next scene.