The Lion King Revisited: Timon and Pumbaa are not Dead


 * (Disney logo)


 * (The film opens with a warning screen that reads "The following feature contains some scenes that deal with the Circle of Life and may be intense for younger viewers. Parents may want to watch with their kids.")
 * (The title reads "Disney Presents")
 * (The camera zooms into a view of a night sky, with a star somewhere on the screen and the clouds on the bottom. We then start flying down through the clouds with the camera. We then pan with the camera down to a very clear view of Pride Rock, with all animals in the Pride Lands. Zazu then flies in with the camera past by the Elephant Graveyard, and pan down, only to find the Tree of Life completely redone in 2D animation. A view of Pride Rock in daylight is shown. We reach a comfortable position in front of the Pride Rock in daylight.)
 * Narrator: Legend has it, in the Pride Lands of Africa. There was once a king and queen so wise, and so good, that the animals flourished and were very happy... and even great kings and queens of the past honored them. The king and queen had two sons, each gifted in their own ways. The youngest was the leader of The Lion Guard. And the King and Queen's eldest son was a prince. It was upon the untimely death of the king and queen, however, That a prince named, Mufasa and his mate, Sarabi, had chosen to become king and queen of the Pride Lands. But the youngest, Scar, was cold, cruel, and bitterly jealous of his brother became king, he was grimly determined to forward the interests by the Outsiders, and his most loyal... Zira.
 * Timon: But it wasn't always this way. Now, let's travel to my place.
 * (The camera does a super-high-speed truck-out from Pride Rock, past zebras, grasslands, the Elephant Graveyard, the gorge, marshlands, the desert (complete with Desert animals such as Geckos and Camels) and finally stopping at a dry plain of low mounds of dirt, with a tumbleweed blowing across. Cue into the "Digga Tunnah" music number)
 * Timon: Here we are: from Pride Rock to the pit of shame. We're so low on the food chain we're underground! But you don't have to take my word for it. I'll just let my fellow meerkats do the talking.
 * Meerkats: (chanting, nervously) What was that?! What was what?! Shh! What was that?! What was that?! Where? What? Where? Where? Shh! What was that?! Shh! Quick, before the hyena come!
 * Meerkat guard: (looks left, then right, listening, then calls) CLEAR!
 * (Scenes of the colony of meerkats all busily digging a network of tunnels, singing as they work)
 * Meerkats: Digga tunnah, Dig, digga tunnah When you're done ya dig a bigga tunnah Digga tunnah, Dig, dig a tunnah Quick, before the hyena come! DIG! Digga tunnah, Dig, digga tunnah You can dig and never get dunnah Digga tunnah, (Dig a little faster) Dig, digga tunnah What was that?! Quick, before the hyena come! DIG!  Digga tunnah is what we do Life's a tunnah we're diggin' through Digga tunnah is what we sing Digga tunnah is everything! Mud and clay is a meerkat's friend Always more around every bend And when you get to your tunnah's end, Hallelujah! Let's dig again! DIG! Digga tunnah, Dig, digga tunnah (Digga tunnah) When you're done, ya dig a bigga tunnah. Digga tunnah, (Dig a little faster) Dig, digga tunnah. What was that?! Quick, before the hyena come! DIG!
 * Ma: (searching for someone) Timon! Excuse me. Have you seen my son? Has he been through here? Timon!
 * (She walks behind a distracted middle-aged meerkat with an army-cut and gray hair, her brother-in-law Max)
 * Uncle Max: (singsonging, passing by Ma) Digga tunnah, dig, digga tunnah…digga tunnah, dig, dig —
 * Ma: Uncle Max?
 * (Ma pokes Max, which her presence scares him out of his chant)
 * Max: (spooked) Aaahh!
 * Ma: Uncle Max, relax. Have you seen Timon?
 * Max: (pleased with himself) No, I haven't — and what a day it's been! No fractures, no lacerations, no concussions, contusions or injuries of any sort. As a matter of fact, there's no sign of Tee-mon's handiwork anywhere!
 * (The ground ceiling cracks and then comes crashing down around them. There's nothing left but a ring of dirt held up, with Timon standing under it. Max fumes with intimidated anger)
 * Max: That would be…TEE-MOOOON!!!
 * Timon: (in an embarrassing tone) Hehe — hey, everybody! It's called a "skylight"! (however, his shoddily made "skylight" soon crumbles to nothing)
 * Ma: (walks up to give her son some condolences) Wow! Isn't that creative? A skylight!… (seeking discretion as the better part of valor) I'll go talk to him.
 * Timon: I…I was just trying to shed a little light on a pathetic existence.
 * Ma: Timon, this can't go on. Just this month, you've pulled down four walls and collapsed two tunnel exits. (combs Timon's hair) We have to look after each other. Our survival depends on it.
 * (As Timon speaks, Ma finishes combing his hair, which "poofs" up into a bunch of spikes)
 * Timon: What's the point? All we do is dig, so we can hide and hide, so we can dig. I wanna be where we don't have to dig tunnels and live with our heads stuck in the sand. What's so bad about dreaming of a better home?
 * Ma: (pushes some grass aside) I wanna show you something. Look, Timon. Go on, look. (camera pulls back to a panoramic view of the Pride Lands in all their golden-lit majesty) Look out to the horizon, past the trees, over the grasslands. Everything the light touches… (sharply) belongs to someone else!
 * (The grasses snap back together and block the view)
 * Timon: (scowls) Funny. I thought you were going a whole different direction with this.
 * Ma: What can I say? It's nature's design.
 * Max: (suddenly pokes out of the grass) She's right! We're food for other animals — a movable feast. Feared by no one and eaten by all!
 * Timon: But when they die, they become the grass. And we eat the grass…right?
 * Max: Not exactly; we can't digest grass. We're grass intolerant.
 * (Max starts to walk away, his presence not helping, but appears out of another stand of grass, giving Timon one final warning)
 * Max: Meerkat! It's what's for dinner!
 * (Ma seems to be increasingly sarcastic. Max soon leaves again back into the grass and distance. Timon makes a circle motion with one of his fingers next to his head)
 * Timon: I think Uncle Max dislodged one too many rocks with his skull.
 * Ma: But he's right, Timon. (she tries to comb his hair again, a tsetse fly buzzes by, and she squishes it into hair gel) Oh, I just know there's a way for you to fit in here.
 * (Timon glowers from under his plastered-down hair, in which a single piece springs back up, and he sighs)
 * Max: (to the other meerkats) Alright, who's on sentry duty?
 * Ma: (perks up with inspiration) That's it! That's it! — My son on sentry duty! Timon the sentry!
 * Max: (simultaneously in horror) Tee-mon the sentry!? Why don't you save the hyenas the trouble and kill me now?! Just kill me now!
 * Ma: (to her son) All you have to do is watch for hyenas and yell if you see one. Look at Iron Joe!
 * (Camera pan over to Iron Joe, who is a skittish meerkat in a leafy straitjacket)
 * Iron Joe: (as a couple of meerkat orderlies carry him away, raving from his post) DON'T CLOSE YOUR EYES! DON'T LOOK AWAY! SOMEBODY'S GOTTA GUARD US! SOMEBODY'S GOTTA PROTECT US! (hysterically cries)
 * Timon: Well. Now I'm convinced.
 * Ma: Listen — it's outside, up in the breeze, under the wide-open sky — isn't that what you want? (to Max) Or maybe you would rather have him go back on the digging crew?
 * Max, Timon, and everyone: NO!!!!
 * (The entire colony of meerkats listen intently, pretending nonchalance and they all clear their throats)
 * Ma: Good…then we all agree. Timon, listen to Uncle Max. He'll teach you everything you need to know. (earnestly) And honey, try to make this one work.
 * (Cut to the lookout rock, under a small tree. Uncle Max is demonstrating the duties of the Sentry. Timon rolls his eyes, unimpressed)
 * Max: Scurry, sniff, flinch! Scurry, sniff, flinch! Scurry, sniff, flinch! Good. Now…what do we do if we see a hyena?
 * Timon: Scream "Mommy"?
 * Max: That's right, mister! Because the world out there is fraught with danger. FRAUGHT, I TELL YOU! Even allbloodthirsty hyenas are waiting to rip us limb-from-limb!
 * Timon: (sarcastically applauding) Bra–vo, Uncle Max! Way to sell it to the cheap seats.
 * Max: Applaud now, sonny boy. (quiet and servery) But try clapping when you don't have any hands!
 * (Max soon turns around and leaves. Timon gulps, looking at his hands, then takes up his position on the rock. As marimbas begin, he starts to get into it)
 * Timon: Huh…I like the sound of that. Scurry, sniff, flinch! (begins dancing flamboyantly)
 * (Cue into the music number of "That's all I Need", a.k.a. "Meerkat Rhapsody". As Timon begins to sing, a trio of hyenas pop up from behind a rock in the background, then disappear again. Timon soon steps onto a cloud and surfs into a fantasy waterfall setting, where he slurps some bugs, then soon dances to the "Shuffle Off to Buffalo". The fantasy and the music dissolves as he improvises, unaware that the three hyenas have surrounded him)
 * Timon: There's more to life than panic Than bein' some other guy's snack I may be delicious, organic But this little entree's fightin' back! I'm gonna put diggin' tunnels behind me And live at a new altitude I'm gonna reach for the stars to remind me That meerkats are not merely food! For once I'll be… Lookin' out for me…  I'll tell you what I want This cat is movin' on He's a bon vivant Who's missin' out on bon I'd be a bigger cheese Far from the desert scene A little cooling breeze A little patch of green!  And I'll be snoozin' in my hammock by a rippling stream Many miles from any tunnel and the digging team Looking after number one will be my only creed That's all I need I've got it all worked out That's all I need I've got it all worked out  I've always been good at runnin' away Well, now I'm gonna run the show-ow I've always been seen as the ultimate prey But now my status ain't so quo! A dream sublime… It's hyena tiiime…oh!
 * (Timon suddenly stops singing. All around him are the trio of hyenas: Shenzi, a female and the largest of three, Kamari, a male with bushy eyebrows, and Azizi, another male with a derpish look in his eyes and a lolling tongue)
 * Shenzi: (applauding sarcastically) Oh, look it's dinner and a show!
 * Kamari: We would love to see your cowboy show.
 * (Azizi incoherently laughs in agreement)
 * Timon: (frozen in fear) Hy…hy…hy…
 * Shenzi: Well, hi to you too!
 * (Shenzi smacks Timon, who goes rolling down the hill and bumps into Max)
 * Max: This is no time for horseplay, Tee-mon. You're supposed to be up there lookin' out for… (sees the snickering hyenas) HYENAS!
 * (The meerkat colony all pop up and soon run around in a mad chaotic frenzy for cover until they come underneath the surface)
 * Shenzi: That's just how I like 'em: (a group of meerkats, led by Max, crash in a line right into Banzai's snout, to which he slurps them, lifting Max into the air) Scrambled, and a little bit runny!
 * (The group of meerkats goes running by, followed by the laughing hyenas, passing Timon who's standing there covering his head. Azizi guards a hole and snaps at a bunch of meerkats who jump into it one at a time. He misses all of them but blocks the hole before Max can get in. A hand suddenly reaches up and grabs Timon. He strains to stay where he is, but gradually the hand manages to drag him head-first into a hole. It's Ma with the rest of the colony)
 * Ma: Get in here! What are you, a meshugganah?! (makes a role-call) Stumpy?
 * Stumpy: Here!
 * Ma: Flinchy?
 * Flinchy: Here!
 * Ma: Swifty?
 * Swifty: Here!
 * Ma: Oh, what a relief. Everybody's… (gasps) Where's Uncle Max?!
 * (Max is outside, running for his life as the three hyenas pursue him. He makes desperately for a second tunnel entrance, where a bunch of meerkats appears and gasp at the sight)
 * Meerkat1: Max! Run for your life!
 * Meerkat2: Play dead!
 * Meerkat3: Ándale!
 * Meerkat4: Almost there!
 * {The screen switches suddenly to the QVC shopping channel, where two women are selling a suede handbag.}
 * Woman on TV: Suede is the look for this fall. Of course, that is what's happening up in every magazine. What I like about it, other than you've got that long strap, which can clear your coat...
 * {Kion, Rani, Makini, Simba, Nala, Kiara, Kovu, Vitani, Shabaha, Kasi, Imara, Tazama, Zuri, Tiifu, Sarabi, Rafiki, Zazu, Pumbaa, Timon, his mother, Uncle Max, Fuli, Ono, Beshte, Bunga, Anga, Azaad, and a bunch of other animals which includes Jasiri's clan of hyenas, Mzingo and his vulture parliament, Makuu's crocodile float, Ma Tembo and her elephant herd, Twiga and her giraffe herd, Bupu and his antelope herd, Laini's troop of galagos, Muhimu and Thurston's zebra herds, Swala and her gazelle herd, Vuruga Vuruga and her buffalo herd, Kely and his gentle lemur conspiracy, Pinguino and his macaroni penguin rookery, the Night Pride, Mbeya, Kifaru, Mwenzi, Hodari, Basi, Tamaa, Ajabu, Mbuni, Chama, Mzaha, Furaha, Uroho, Mwevi, Mwizi, Kulinda, Ona, Hadithi, Shujaa, a Darwin's fox named Astuto and her kits, a giant panda named Heng Heng, a polar bear named Tangaagim and his mate, Tsah and Sasem the Eurasian water shrews, Sokwe, his sons Majinuni and Hafifu, Cek and Rama the mountain goats (Arabian tahrs), an Indian scops owl named Ullu, a female honey badger named Binga, Makini's parents Fikiri and Kitendo, and Pua, the former leader of the crocodile float are back in the silhouetted theater seats.}
 * Timon: Hey, what's goin' on?
 * Kiara: {sternly} Pumbaa... what are you sitting on?
 * Pumbaa: Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie.
 * {He clicks the remote; we switch back to the scene of Uncle Max's impending demise.}
 * Meerkat5: You've got it, Max!
 * (Max trips over and gets overtaken by the hyenas. The meerkats all shield their eyes before they head back inside the burrow, mourning sadly. Max suddenly, but thankfully, drops through some of Timon's tunnels with the fur of his tail bitten off)
 * Max: I flinched when I should've scurried. (collapses)
 * (Camera zoom down to where Timon is standing in the midst of all the angry meerkats, while medical members help Max out)
 * Timon: I, uh…I guess I owe everyone an apology. (pause) Alright, so I made a teensy mistake. Like we all haven't broken into song on sentry duty before. Ha, ha, ha…come on! Let me have a show of hands! (the meerkats all wander off, disgusted. Timon tries to change tactics) Ooookay. (Max and the meerkats are all now staring at Timon severely) … Maybe it's a little too soon, but I'm sure we're all gonna laugh about this someday. Trust me.
 * Max: I did trust you.
 * (The meerkats all silently file out, except for Ma. Timon sighs before he leaves sadly. Scene switches to the rock outside where Timon is all alone, hunched and sitting on the rock. Ma emerges from the hole and notices him)
 * Timon: I'm never gonna fit in here. Nobody even likes me, besides you, Ma. I have to find my place, but it isn't here. My place is out there, Ma. Oh, I may not know exactly where or how far, but I gotta go!
 * Ma: (pauses, then acquiesces) Well, I hope you find what you're looking for, honey. (Timon comes back to embrace Ma) Ooh. Ooh, I love you. Mmm!
 * Timon: I love you, Ma.
 * (Ma keeps hugging Timon, tighter and tighter until we start to hear crunching sound effects)
 * Ma: Oh, Timmy. My Timmy. Mmm-mmm…
 * Timon: (strained, muffled) Ma…choking…not breathing…!
 * Ma: Ooh. Mmm. Mmm-mmm…
 * Timon: (speaking to the audience) And people wonder why I have issues. (the embrace finally ends before he assures Ma) I'll be okay!
 * Ma: Oh, I know you will! (wistful) You will.
 * (Ma slowly let's go Timon's hands. He then begins striding purposefully away into the sunset. "Timon's Traveling Theme" performed by Lebo M. begins. Ma calls after her son)
 * Ma: Be careful.
 * Timon: I will! (marches on a bit further)
 * Ma: Don't talk to strangers!
 * Timon: I know, Ma! (marches a bit more)
 * Ma: Remember, wash behind your ears!
 * Timon: (turning impatiently) Ma, I'm not a kid anymore! (resumes marching)
 * Ma: Never go swimming without a buddy!
 * Timon: Got it!
 * Ma: (almost inaudible)  Send us a message sometime!  (indistinct)
 * Timon: (exasperated) Oy… (yells at the top of his lungs) WHAT?!
 * Ma:  I said, send us a message sometime!
 * Timon: WHAT?!
 * Ma:  I said, send us a—!
 * Timon: (turning away from Ma) Good-bye, ma!
 * (Timon sets off triumphantly. He reaches the open grasslands beyond the horizon)
 * Timon: {narrating} And so, with high spirits I boldly ventured off where no meerkat had dared to go before. I put my past behind me, ha! {Nighttime in the Pride Lands} And never looked back... {ends narrative; breaks suddenly into sobbing} Mommy! Mommy—Aah! Haha! {Far shot of Timon, revealing that he is standing next to Rafiki's baobab tree}What am I doing? {sobs; shot changes to a close-up} Which way should I go?
 * (A mandrill named Rafiki enters, hanging upside down)
 * Rafiki: That depends on what you seek.
 * {Timon does a wild take, goes sprawling. Cut back to the theater seats and silhouettes; Timon pauses the movie.}
 * Timon: How convenient. Enter omniscient monkey, right on cue.
 * Pumbaa: Well, you know what they say. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
 * Timon: That's it. No more fortune cookies for you.
 * {Timon clicks the remote; the movie resumes.}
 * Timon: Hey, where'd you come from?
 * Rafiki: Oh, the better question is, where are you going?
 * Timon: Oh, someplace wonderful, mister, where…where — you didn't happen to catch the song I sang a few minutes ago, did ya?
 * Rafiki: I didn't have the pleasure.
 * Timon: To recap: I want to live in some beautiful place, outside…a carefree place, where I don't have to hide or worry.
 * (Rafiki sits down next to Timon and chuckles, holding an ornate staff with gourds on its head)
 * Rafiki: Life without worry. You seek Hakuna Matata.
 * Timon: Harpoon a tomato?
 * Rafiki: Hakuna Matata, it means "no worries".
 * Timon: Perfect! Mind taking that stick of yours and drawing me a map, bub? (Rafiki bonks Timon on the head with his staff) OW! Hey!
 * Rafiki: (goes into his meditation pose) To find it, you must look beyond what you see.
 * Timon: What is that supposed to mean?
 * Rafiki: It means, look beyond what you see!
 * Timon: "Beyond what I see." Get a load of the monkey, gettin' all existential on me. (Timon starts to look as far as his eye could. The camera pans over to a frog croaking on a rock, a tree stump a little farther away, then finally a tree in the distance. Immense and meaningful music starts to rise in Timon's head) It's kinda hard to think with all this music. Beyond…what I see… (then…) Oh, wait a second. It's comin' to me. It's either that slug I ate, or I'm having an epiphany! (camera zooms in on Pride Rock in the distance of a full moon) I'm going to the big pointy rock! (but right as Timon turns to thank Rafiki, he is already gone) Who was that strange monkey? Ah, well. Dream home, here I come!
 * (As morning is beginning to show the earliest signs of rising, hoofbeats startles Timon. Frightened by the incoming figure, Timon makes a desperate dash through the grass. He crashes blindly into a huge warthog's snout and the two scream at each other.)
 *  {Timon pauses the movie.}
 * Pumbaa: You know, first impressions are very important.
 * Timon: Oh, I thought you were a scream.
 * {The movie resumes.}
 * (Timon then begs on his knees for mercy)
 * Timon: Just eat me now, and please make it fast. I got a low threshold to pain.
 * Pumbaa: Easy, easy there, little guy. I'm not gonna eat you.
 * Timon: Then, why were you stalking me?
 * Pumbaa: Well, gee, I saw you go by and I figured a little fella like you shouldn't be out here all alone.
 * Timon: What about you? You are all alone, aren't you?
 * Pumbaa: (ruefully) Yeah, most animals give me a pretty wide berth.
 * Timon: Even the predators?
 * Pumbaa: People see me comin' and they run for cover. They can't get out of the way fast enough.
 * {Kiara pauses the movie.}
 * Kiara: There are no humans in the Pride Lands.
 * Pumbaa: Oh, sorry. I mean animals.
 * {The movie resumes.}
 * (As he speaks, Timon holds up one of the pig's hooves, playing with it like a pair of scissors)
 * Timon: Must be the gleam on those vicious tusks? Strikes fear into their hearts.
 * Pumbaa: Actually, they say I wreck their appetite. It's pretty powerful, all right. (gestures indistinctly at his rump)
 * Timon: Perfect! You're hired. To get me to a little worry-free haven out of that big pointy rock. (they shake "hands") Put 'er there, acquaintance. I'm Timon.
 * Pumbaa: Pumbaa!
 * Timon: No, really. (Pumbaa grins sincerely at Timon for a beat) Let's hit the road. So clear up one thing for me. If you weren't gonna eat me, what kind of a wacky wild pig are you?
 * Pumbaa: I'm an insectivore!
 * Timon: Oh ho! A bug-eater! Me too, I just never had a name for them myself. I'm partial to the crunchy critters myself!
 * Pumbaa: I prefer the slimy ones!
 * Timon: Pumbaa, this could be the start of a beautiful…acquaintanceship.
 * (The sun begins to rise again over the Pride Lands — Pumbaa and Timon enter the scene, walking across from left to right. The duo freak out as the animals all bears down on them. Pumbaa then races out from under all the roaring and screeching animals as they rush past. Timon rides on his back and steers him to follow the animals. Various pans and camera views of several animals, all moving, even passing by Mount Kilimanjaro. A view of giraffes pans to a long shot of all the animals in their procession. Camera is panning and jumping to animals (including elephants, antelopes, zebras, ants, birds, and storks)