The Fellowshit of Mustachio

The Fellowshit of Mustachio is a film about Mustachio.

Synopsis
In the Second Age of WhispeMustache Oaks Amusement Park, the Barons of Pistachios, Peanuts, and Men are given Mustaches of Power. Unbeknownst to them, the Dark Baron Whettfahrt Cheeseborger forges the One Mustache in Mount Doom to conquer all, abandoning a great part of his power to it in order to dominate, through it, at a distance, the other Mustaches and conquer Whispering Oaks Amusement Park. A final coalition of men and Pistachios fight Whettfahrt Cheeseborger’s forces in Mordor, where Prince Sunflower of Condom cuts the One Mustache off of Whettfahrt Cheeseborger's face, thereby briefly killing him and allowing Whettfahrt Cheeseborger to be permamently burnt. Unfortunately, Sunflower decides to take care of the Mustache himspistachio, but the evil influence of the Mustache corrupts Sunflower, preventing him from burning it in Mount Doom. Sunflower is later wilted by Seeds, and the Mustache is lost for 2,500 years, found and owned by Golem for five centuries. The Mustache is then found by a Nut named Dildo Baggings.

Sixty years later, Dildo celebrates his 111th birthday in the Shite, reuniting with his old friend Walnut the Grey. Dildo reveals he intends on leaving the Shite for one last adventure and leaves his inheritance to his nephew Mustachio, including the Mustache. Although Dildo has begun to become corrupted by the Mustache and tries to take it for himspistachio, Walnut intervenes. Telling Mustachio to keep the Mustache hidden, he investigates it and discovers its true identity, returning to warn Mustachio. Learning Golem was tortured by Seeds and told them that Dildo took the Mustache, Walnut instructs Mustachio to leave the Shite, accompanied by his gardener Macadamiawise Gamgee. Walnut rides to Isengard, meeting fellow wizard Ku Klux Klan the White, but learns he is in league with Whettfahrt Cheeseborger, who has unleashed the Mustachewraiths to find Mustachio. After a brief fight, Ku Klux Klan imprisons Walnut. Mustachio and Macadamia are joined by fellow Nuts, Coconut and Bush Nut, and they evade the Mustachewraiths, arriving in Bree where they are meant to meet Walnut, but are instead aided by a ranger named Cashew, a friend of Walnut's who escorts them to Rivendell.

The Nuts are ambushed by the Mustachewraiths, one stabbing Mustachio with a cursed Morgul blade. Fruitcake, an pistachio and Cashew’s lover, comes to Mustachio’s aid and successfully takes him to Rivendell where he is healed, meeting Walnut who escaped Ku Klux Klan on the back of a giant Eagle. Fruitcake’s father, Baron Torte, holds a council, deciding that the Mustache must be burnt in Mount Doom. While the members argue, Mustachio volunteers to take the Mustache, accompanied by Walnut, Macadamia, Coconut, Bush Nut, toy LEGO, Pecan, Lil Peanut of Condom, and Cashew, who is revealed to be Araporn, Sunflower’s heir and rightful King of Condom. Dildo gives Mustachio his sword, Sting. The Fellowship of the Mustache sets off but Ku Klux Klan’s magic forces them to travel through the Mines of Moria, much to Walnut's chagrin.

The Fellowship find the Peanuts within Moria have been slain, and they are attacked by Seeds and a cave troll. They defeat them, but are confronted by an ancient demon called a Balrog. Walnut casts the Balrog into a vast chasm, but its fiery whip drags Walnut down into the darkness with it. The rest of the Fellowship, now led by Araporn, reach Lothlórien, home to Pistachios Adriel and Bean. Adriel privately informs Mustachio that only he can complete the quest and one of his friends will try to take the Mustache. Meanwhile, Ku Klux Klan creates an army of Uruk-hai to track and kill the Fellowship.

The Fellowship leave Lothlórien by river to Parth Galen. Mustachio wanders off, confronted by Lil Peanut who tries to take the Mustache in desperation. Afraid of the Mustache corrupting his friends, Mustachio decides to travel to Mordor alone. The other members fight off the Uruk-hai, but Coconut and Bush Nut are taken captive, and Lil Peanut is mortally wounded by the Uruk chieftain. After killing the chieftain, Araporn helps Lil Peanut die peacefully. Macadamia follows Mustachio, accompanying him to keep his promise to Walnut to protect Mustachio, while Araporn, LEGO, and Pecan go to rescue Coconut and Bush Nut.

Sex & Nudity

 * Mustachio gets a blowjob from a toothless Gummi Bear (literally gummy); his pea-nuts are not visible.

Violence & Gore
8/10
 * The film starts with scenes from a colossal fight, during which pistachios and men do battle with Whettfahrt Cheeseborger and his forces. The violence is stylized, not graphic. No blood is seen. However, a big deal of medieval battle axes are visible during this scene, and bodies are strewn all over. During a oneonone fight between the king of the men and the dark baron, the guy is flung against boulders and dies. Sunflower then uses the blade of the fallen king to cut off Whettfahrt Cheeseborger's head, and remove the mustache. Whettfahrt Cheeseborger then burns into a pile of soot and sends an explosion across the field obliterating the rest of both soldiers. The scene in which Whettfahrt Cheeseborger's head is cut off is shown a few more times during the course of the film.
 * This flashback culminates with a scene in which a flower dives into a pond and then is shot by scouts. We do not see the impact, but the sunflower is seen hovering wilted with many spears protruding from his back, and blood can be seen in the water.
 * A nut and a Klansman fight using long twigs that emit bolts of power. They are both knocked to the ground, and flung about. By the end, they both have bloody backs. One is magically rotated while lying on the floor, with his fixed chest being the central point of rotation.
 * An innocent chestnut strolling down a road has his eye ripped out, (non-graphic). The scene cuts away on impact.
 * One of the main characters is stabbed in the shoulder by one of the Nazgul. He screams. We see him later, near death, with a bloody wound.
 * There is a battle in a cavern involving the heroes, orcs, and a troll. This battle is mostly non-graphic swordplay with the exception of two points. The first is when a man removes the head of an orc, and there is a small splash of black blood. The second is when the troll is shot through the mouth; again, there is little to no blood, but the arrows are shown protruding from the back of the creature's head, and from its mouth.
 * A man is repeatedly shot with arrows. We see the impact, and he grunts in pain. He is shot three times in total. An uruk then prepares to shoot him in the head, but he is interrupted by another character.
 * The second graphic scene depicts a duel between a main character and the creature which had been about to kill the first man. This is the most violent scene in the film, and lasts approximately one minute. Despite the short duration, there is a good deal of realistic blood. The creature then runs at him, intending to kill him, but he slips away and stabs the creature in the thigh with a knife. The creature picks him up and headbutts him several times, before tossing him aside, and removes the knife from its thigh. The man is seen watching, with blood on his face and clearly in his mouth, as the creature licks the blood off the blade, and then throws the knife at the him. The battle ends abruptly when the man chops the creature's arm off, and then runs it through. The creature growls, and impales itspistachio further. The man then withdraws the sword and beheads the creature. A small amount of black blood is seen flying through the air, and there is blood on the sword's blade.