Supremely Irresponsible/The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly is the first issue of Supremely Irresponsible.

Transcript
A small group of bank robbers bursts down a door and begin running off, only to see a large web wall stopping them. They turn and see Spider-Man standing behind them. Peter webs the criminals before walking off. As he leaves, the Supreme Spider comes in. She begins following Peter, who sits down on a bench and begins eating donuts. She then webs him to the bench and jumps down. Peter rips the webs and begins eating his donuts again. She slaps the donut out of his hand. Peter reaches for another donut but MJ slaps his hand before he can. MJ slams Peter's head against the bench. Peter pauses for a few seconds before standing up and rubbing the back of his head. Peter unmasks himself. MJ unmasks herself. Peter's phone rings and he answers it. Irresponsible Gwen is seen staring at Supreme Gwen. He hangs up. They head to Midtown High where outside everyone is staring in shock at their own counterparts. Two people come out of the crowd. She gets ready to box the other Gwen. The other Gwen then kicks her in the face. MJ stares at him in silence. He brings him into another place.
 * Robber #1: They're here!
 * ???: You're damn right I am!
 * Robber #2: ...Who the hell're you?
 * Spider-Man: Spider-Man. I'm... I'm literally the only guy that shoots webs.
 * Robber #3: ...Well, that's just factually incorrect.
 * Spider-Man: What're you... what the hell is going on? I've never been more confused in my life! is this an inside joke or something?
 * Robber #1: The spider is a girl.
 * Spider-Man: ...Yeah, okay...
 * Spider-Man: Wait, what the hell? Who are you?
 * MJ: I'm the girl you're trying to impersonate.
 * Spider-Man: Wait, your voice sounds familiar... eh, I'll worry about that later.
 * Spider-Man: You know, I thought a girl version of me would be hot, not a crazy chick that judges people before they get to know them.
 * Spider-Man: ...My lunch... you monster...
 * MJ: Why are you trying to convince people I've suddenly gotten a sex change!? I am the one and only Supreme Spider.
 * Spider-Man: And I'm the one and only Spider-Man. What's your point? also, what's your problem with sex changes?
 * MJ: Everything.
 * Spider-Man: Little close-minded of you, but okay.
 * MJ: Stop trying to eat donuts!
 * Spider-Man: Fine. Listen, considering I'm a lot taller than you, you seem really undeveloped, and your voice is pretty high, I'm guessing you're still a kid. So can you try to stop talking to me like I'm the less experienced one? Half the thinking you're doing is through your genitals.
 * Spider-Man: You know what, you're a kid, I'm gonna let that one go.
 * MJ: No, I am superior. I will let that insult go.
 * Spider-Man: Uhuh...
 * MJ: What?
 * Spider-Man: I didn't say anything. You know what, reveal yourself.
 * MJ: Uh...
 * Spider-Man: That voice is driving me nuts, I swear I've heard it somewhere before!
 * MJ: Oh, you meant reveal my face! thank god...
 * Spider-Man: What did you think I was asking?
 * MJ: ...Can we please change the subject?
 * Spider-Man: More proof you're a kid, you get easily embarrassed at even the slightest implication of something not safe for work. Even though you probably think stuff like that all the time. Being a teenager is a weird and confusing time for everybody, isn't it?
 * MJ: Quiet!
 * Spider-Man: Look, if it makes you feel better, here.
 * Spider-Man: My name is Peter Parker and I go to Midtown High. I gamble with weirdos on the street when I'm bored and my lucky number is seven. Now, what's your name?
 * Spider-Man: Oh hey, ginger girl! that's... wait, how did you... what...?
 * MJ: Petey?
 * Spider-Man: Did you, like... de-age...? wait, a second... Petey...? That sounds stupid.
 * MJ: Do you... not remember me?
 * Spider-Man: Should I? Wait, is this like an alternate universe? cause if it is then... I didn't want to visit one. Sorry.
 * MJ: How do we tell if you're from an alternate universe?
 * Spider-Man: Is your Peter seventeen?
 * MJ: No.
 * Spider-Man: Well, there you go. How old is your Peter then?
 * MJ: 15.
 * Spider-Man: Alright. Well, time to figure out how we--
 * Spider-Man: Yes, hello?
 * Irresponsible Gwen: Uh... hey, Peter.
 * Spider-Man: Gwen?
 * Irresponsible Gwen: Yeah, hi... why is there another me at the school?
 * Spider-Man: ...What?
 * Irresponsible Gwen: That was my first question too...
 * Spider-Man: I'm coming.
 * Spider-Man: Okay Red, let's go!
 * MJ: Oh god...
 * Spider-Man: Gwen!
 * Gwens: Yeah?
 * Spider-Man: I don't know what I expected... this is weird.
 * Irresponsible Gwen: Peter, what the hell is going on?
 * Supreme Gwen: Peter? that's not Peter! And who the hell are you supposed to be!?
 * Irresponsible Gwen: I'm Gwen. Goddamn. Stacy. How many times do I have to say that?
 * Supreme Gwen: No, I’m Gwen Stacy.
 * Irresponsible Gwen: If you're Gwen Stacy then I've slept with everybody in my school, solve mysteries on the side with a talking moose, and gave a speech to the President where everybody clapped!
 * Supreme Gwen: You are just as insane as the Supreme Spider!
 * Irresponsible Gwen: I don't know who that is!
 * Spider-Man: Uh, I think you're both Gwen.
 * Irresponsible Gwen: Oh yeah? let's see then! strength test, go!
 * Irresponsible Gwen: Foul! foul! this isn't a kickboxing match!
 * Spider-Man: Let it go, Gwen. You're not in the same weight class as her anyway. And I don’t think she was planning to box.
 * Irresponsible Gwen: What do you mean "not in the same weight class?" are you calling me fat!?
 * Spider-Man: You know for a fact I wasn't! and Red can you calm down your friend?
 * MJ: I can try.
 * Spider-Man (narration): How the hell did this even happen? I mean, I've been through a lot of weird stuff but nothing as weird as this!
 * MJ: What was that?
 * Spider-Man: What?
 * MJ: You just stopped talking and stared at nothing for a few seconds. You are kinda weird.
 * Spider-Man: How am I weird? Look who's talking! It's like you are two people at the same time.
 * Spider-Man: ...What?
 * MJ: Gwen, give us a second.
 * MJ: Listen, sorry if I did that, but my Gwen doesn't know that I'm the Supreme Spider and she can't know, since she has a grudge against her.
 * Spider-Man: Are you serious? explain.
 * MJ: Supreme Spider tried to kill her and, uh..
 * Spider-Man: Stop right there. The more I find out about you the less I like you. Okay, continue.
 * MJ: So, I continue with how I tried to kill her?
 * Spider-Man: No!
 * MJ: Then with what?
 * Spider-Man: What the hell is with the sudden personality change!? one minute you're all looney and crazy the next you're... well, kinda boringly normal.
 * MJ: The spider gave me a personality change.
 * Spider-Man: The spider... so the radioactive spider in this world altered your mental state and caused you to develop MPD, with one personality being good and the other evil.
 * MJ: How did you piece all that together from one sentence...?
 * Spider-Man: I'm kinda smart like that.