User blog:GazzaB9/Today I Died, A Fantasy Story

Entry 1
So... today I died... I was walking home from work with my mates Josh and Charlene. I work, or I guess worked, at the I.T. department of a law firm. The firm wasn't all that big so it only really needed me, Josh, and Charlene as their tech support.

Josh was my best friend before I died. He was one of the funniest guys I ever met. I'm really gonna miss him. Charlene and I were also pretty good friends. I even had a crush on her for a little bit, but he was Josh's girl and I didn't want to get in the way of that so I never really said anything. I'm still pretty sure Josh knew and just didn't bring it up though.

The day I died we were walking to a diner together like we always did. And then, out of nowhere, this one drunken guy came up to us singing to himself. I don't know what he was singing but it's really not important. He started making some... remarks at Charlene's expense.

Usually, Charlene was the type to just blow off remarks like that, but the guy was so persistent it became kind of uncomfortable just to hear. Josh became more and more worked up about the whole thing until he turned and yelled at the guy to shut up. The prick stared at Josh for a good while until he took a swing.

I pushed Josh out the way and he hit me instead. And let me tell you, the guy was short and fat but I'd be damned if he didn't pack a punch... It was like time slowed down for me as I fell, bashing the back of my head on the side of the road and... well, you can probably imagine what happened.

The next thing I knew, everything went black... then white... and then my vision returned. When I "woke up", for lack of a better term, I was sitting in the middle of a forest. It was a green, beautiful place that was filled with nothing but the sounds of nature.

Currently, I'm living inside a small shack that seems abandoned. I found it and this journal next to a nearby river. I'm not really sure where I am, how I'm alive, or even IF I'm actually alive but I'm just glad I didn't have my entire life cut short in an instant like that.

Truth be told, I'm not sure why I'm keeping this journal. Maybe it's because I want someone to know my story. Maybe it's a way of processing all of this. Or maybe I just wanted to write this down. But I'll try to write in it as often as possible. And if anyone found this journal on my... I guess second dead body, thanks for taking the time to read it.

Entry 2
I finally decided to look around the area. Turns out there's a river by me that's surprisingly really clean for being in a forest, so it's good to know I've got a water source if I get thirsty. More importantly, I found a village close by that seems like it's pretty useful but it raises a lot more questions at the same time.

The place is rustic, made out of nothing but wood and stone. Looks like it was ripped straight out of the 16th century. I also couldn't really understand anybody there. They all spoke in a language I didn't recognize and all their writing looked like the type of stuff you'd find scrawled on the walls of a temple in the jungle.

They're just as confused at me speaking English. The first conversation I had in there was with a girl who kept saying "kiko" to me and pointing at a towel. I don't know, maybe she was a towel merchant or something like that. There was only really one guy who could understand me there, or... I think he could understand me.

The guy's name was Henry, he ran a shop that sold nicknacks and not much else. It wasn't a very good conversation, I could only ask him simple questions. If you're wondering, here's a few of the things I asked him and his responses:

"Where am I?"

"Ingo."

"Who are you?"

"Henry."

"Can you help me?"

Henry took a minute to think to himself before getting up and tossing me a small sack full of berries. He mimed eating one so I did. And then, out of nowhere, BAM! everybody's speaking English! you can't imagine how helpful those berries were, I'd have to go through my whole life guessing what people were saying.

After I realized I could finally understand the people around me I just took a moment to listen to the random chatter I could hear on the streets. "So", Henry said to me with a big grin on his face, "how's that?" I immediately started thanking him again and again and, truth be told, I don't think I thanked him enough. He really did save my life there.

Apparently, Henry was planning on saving the berries for himself, since later that night he was going to have company over that didn't have the strongest grasp on... well, whatever language they were speaking, but he said I seemed like I needed them more.

Apparently the effects of the berries only last about six hours but they're luckily pretty common. I know that they sound too crazy to be true and I would've thought that as well if I didn't use one and have it actually work. And I know that I've said this over and over, but thank god for Henry, without him I wouldn't of been able to talk to anyone and this journal would've ended pretty quickly.

Entry 3
Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Nothing really too interesting's been going on. But something REALLY big happened today. I'm not really sure how to ease into it so I'll just come out and say it: I saved someone's life. It was insane, man! my brain shut off and I was freaking out the whole time, I was worried I was about to have a heart attack!

I was out picking those magic berries that let me understand people when it happened. I found a bush covered in them and was grabbing as many as I could when I saw this guy running through the woods, screaming "help!" over and over. I walked stopped the guy and tried my best to calm him down, but it wasn't working.

"Please, you've gotta help me!" he said and grabbed me, dragging me away. I don't know why I was the person he wanted to help him. Maybe it was just cause I was the nearest person. When you're that panicked and need help you'll take just about anybody you can find. He dragged me to an insane sight: a black ooze-like blob sitting in the middle of the woods with a girl half-way poking out of it.

I was in shock for a good few seconds and, in those seconds, the thing completely took her. The last thing I saw before she slipped inside of it was her arm reaching out for me, her fingers slowly being engulfed by the slime monster. I don't know what came over me at that moment. I don't consider myself a particularly brave person and I didn't have a reason to help her, but I ran over there and plunged my arms inside of the thing.

I could feel it was trying to absorb me along with her, it's gross ooze made a disgusting noise as it crept up my arms. I noticed that it couldn't grab me as fast as the girl though, which was pretty confusing. Maybe I'm, like... made differently than the people of whatever this place is so it took a while to get used to what I felt like? that sounds kinda dumb, actually...

Well, anyway, I felt around inside of it until I felt something solid. I grabbed and pulled as hard as I could. The guy who brought me there also grabbed me and helped me pull and, with one more good tug, I popped out the arm and half the head of the girl. When she realized half her head was free she gasped for air, the freaky thing's ooze leaking out of her mouth as she did.

Once her arm was free, pulling the rest of her out was actually pretty easy. She slowly slid out of it, its black... stuff covering her clothes. When she was finally out, she let herself flopped to the floor and coughed out some more black liquid. Its prey freed, the monster ran away, shrinking in size and sliding into a very tiny hole in the ground. After that, I just sorta... blacked out. I didn't faint, just to be clear, I just stopped moving and was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time.

When I came too, the guy was counting his money. He was trying to pay me. Obviously, I refused. He said the usual movie things like "oh, I insist", "I can't let you go empty-handed!" and all that but really, I don't have any use for his money. I can find the berries for free, my pen doesn't seem like it runs out of ink somehow, and, truth be told, I haven't eaten in days and yet I feel like I'm not hungry even in the slightest.

Eventually, we came to a compromise: I won't take his money but he and the girl will help me clean my cabin for the night. They're currently working on my bed. They're pretty good at it actually, not a spot of dust in the place and this was one of the dustiest places I'd ever seen just a few days ago. The girl seems to have recovered from the trauma pretty fast with no real lasting damage luckily enough. She did have to wash and change into new clothes before coming though. She also burnt her old ones for I'd dare to say obvious reasons.

I'm still pretty curious about what the hell all of that was if I'm being honest. I'll wait for them to finish, ask them some questions, and then write another entry about it. Talk to you soon, um... journal.

Entry 4
They're done cleaning finally. Took them a good few hours, but I can finally ask them some questions. I've got the two in front of me right now. The guy's kinda scruffy-looking. His hair's all over the place and he's got a beard that looks like it's been growing for a few days now. I didn't notice until now, but the girl's really short and... I took a solid minute to think of a not creepy way of phrasing this but there isn't one.

I'll just come out and say it: she has big boobs. I'm not shallow or perverted, trust me. If you could see her you'd probably say the same thing. Also, for the record, I got her permission to say that. It was awkward and embarrassing but I got permission. Anyway, I'll write down my conversation with them as it happens.

Obviously, the first question I asked was who they were. "I'm Ruby and this is my sister Saphire", the guy said. "We're traveling merchants", Sapphire continued, "if memory serves you met our father and he taught you how tongue berries work." While saying that, she pointed at one of the berries I've been eating.

At that point, a massive amount of relief washed over me. You know, these guy's seemed good and all but I'm willing to admit I'm a pretty paranoid guy so I had trouble trusting them. Now that I know they're related to Henry though, that doubt's totally gone now. Henry's a good dude, so I don't see why his kids wouldn't also be alright.

The next question I asked was what exactly the slime thing was. They seemed really surprised, with Ruby even asking "you don't know?" According to Ruby, these blobs have been appearing all over the country, which is called Ingo by the way. It's a pretty big deal apparently. This one dude named... Knight... something. I'll be honest, I've already forgotten the guy's name. He's been talking about it a lot anyway.

Nobody knows what the ooze does, all they know is that it's dangerous. Both me and Sapphire feel completely fine even though we were exposed to it, albeit Sapphire more than me, so whatever it does to you it needs more than just contact with you to do it.

I started asking questions about the Black Paladin after that. That's what the guy was called by the way. There are a few too many details for me to just paraphrase it, so I'll just write down whatever Ruby and Sapphire say:

"The Black Paladin's the land's greatest protector!", Ruby said, "no one knows where he came from. The first time he ever appeared he slaughtered a multi-headed demon on the west of the Venu Kingdom with a blade forged by humans. A very impressive feat if I do say so myself!"

"And he's so mysterious!", Sapphire continued, "he's always wearing that helmet of his that blocks off all his facial features. And then there's that cape of his that flows behind him in the most dramatic of moments!" Sapphire proceeded to swoon and borderline drool over the guy a bit more before realizing she was mostly rambling and letting Ruby continue.

"Before becoming the Black Paladin he was known as the wandering swordsman. As the swordsman, he slew many enemies but it wasn't until he became a paladin for the Church of Nox that he went from walking to flying!" side note: Ruby has a tendency to make weird metaphors. I don't get it either.

"He adopted the name the Black Paladin as his new title and, with the gods looking down on him, he plowed through all the enemies that lied in his path!"

Their description of the Black Paladin didn't tell me too much about him in retrospect, but I guess now I know he's a really strong and famous guy. My next question was what the "Church of Nox" actually is and apparently it's Ingo's biggest religion. They follow a wisdom god named Nox who believes that knowledge is the greatest thing a human can have. I'm not a fan of religion myself, but I guess they could be worshipping a worse god.

So, they just asked me a question of their own. Sapphire wondered how I haven't heard of any of this stuff when it's all pretty famous and Ruby started pushing it. I was really worried I'd have to tell them how I died and woke up in this place, which I'm almost positive would end in me being thrown in the nuthouse, but luckily Henry showed up to pick his kids up.

Still though, I guess it would be kinda nice to have someone that knows about my... "predicament" and who I can talk to about all of this. You know, someone who I can rant to about all the weird stuff I keep finding out about this world. I mean, "multi-headed demons" exist in it apparently, so that's great. Can't wait to run into them. That Black Paladin guy seems like he's making the world at least somewhat better to live in though, so that's nice.

Entry 5
Some dicks showed up at the village today. I was helping out this old woman named Marge to get some money when, out of nowhere, these guys in armor came strutting in like they owned the place. One of them shoved a huge flag with a blue cross on it into the ground and the rest blue horns as this one skinny douche of a kid walked in. He hadn't spoken a single word and I already knew he was full of himself considering that entrance...

The first thing the guy does is look around and then just yell at the top of his lungs "I'll take it!" and offer the mayor of the village 100 Gen for the whole village. "Gen" is what they call money around here by the way. Anyway, the mayor refuses, because of course he does, 100 Gen will maybe get you into a fancy restaurant, it's nowhere near enough to buy a whole town!

The kid starts gawking at him with the most confused look I've ever seen and then guess what he does? he ups the offer by 50! I know I've been talking about this kid super angrily this whole time, but can you really blame me after hearing that? the worst part is when the mayor says no for the second time instead of upping his offer again the kid just starts begging and moaning.

Then he reveals the reason he wants the place is because his brother owns more villages than him and he's in some kind of competition with him. The mayor's obviously pretty weirded out by that and asks him if he'd be a good leader to the town. The kid, I shit you not, replies "who cares?" and continues his begging. And, when all else fails, he goes all "my father will hear about this!"

At this point, I'm fed up with the little shit's attitude and get up and tell him to get the hell out of here. The kid looks at me. Looks around. Looks back at me. And asks me if I'm talking to him. I tell him yes and once again ask him to leave and the kid asks why I think I'm worthy enough to talk to him and then follows it up by laughing at me. Chris, does this guy think he's a comic book supervillain or something?

Luckily, one of the kid's goons ends up saving the day. He looks different from the others, wearing a robe and some weird-looking hat, so he might have a different job from the guys in armor. The robed guy whispers something to the kid and the kid starts shitting himself in fear. I could literally see the color draining from his face as the robed guy spoke to him.

The kid stands there for a bit, thinking about something, and then he leaves. Mumbles "useless" under his breath the whole time. What a dick... wonder what that robed guy told the kid that made him leave.

Anyway, other than that not much has been going on with me as of late. Been seeing a lot more of those black blob things appear while I'm out looking for tongue berries. Luckily, none of them have been as big as the first one I saw. They're actually small enough that I can step on them or crush them with rocks, so they don't really pose much of a threat against me.

I usually find them near dead plants or animal corpses so I'm assuming they grow around dead stuff. Wonder why that giant one tried to swallow Sapphire if that's the case though... I guess I did feel it trying to pull me in when I was saving her, so maybe it swallows people that touch it. Maybe Sapphire slipped and was almost eaten by the thing?

Still not sure what the things actually are yet, by the way. I checked up on Sapphire and Henry after she was engulfed by the giant one and they like to call them "Spit", which I think is pretty funny. I also bought a map today and apparently this country, Ingo if you don't remember, is super small. Like, it is basically being squished by four other massive countries around it. I don't know, I just thought that was interesting.

I read a book about how to navigate maps yesterday as well just to see if the tongue berries translate books. Luckily, they do. The book looked like it was written in English even though it was clearly written in that weird language everybody here speaks. Or I'm at least assuming it was because I don't see why they'd sell a book written in English here.

Also, like I mentioned before, I've started helping people out to earn Gen. I'm also on the waiting list for a part-time hunting job where all I have to do is find and hunt animals to feed the village. It's gruesome and kind of messed up but it's pretty much the only job I'm even slightly qualified for. And by that I mean anyone can sign up for the job regardless of qualifications...

I think that's pretty much everything I wanted to mention. See you later... person... reading this... yeah, I'm still unclear on who I'm actually saying goodbye to at the end of these entries.