Avenue Q Warning Transcripts

This page contains transcripts of character dialogues in skits, songs, and scenes that contain explicit content. The transcripts also apply to songs with explicit lyrics.

Princeton
Princeton: Okay, now, what you're about to see, is not for kids, so I'd like to ask you to take your children out of the room, or cover their eyes and ears. Don't worry, they can watch again when the scene is over. Remember, you only have 15 seconds, starting...now! Did ya do it? Good. Roll 'em.

Kate Monster
Kate Monster: These next few scenes are not "fur" the little ones, please take 15 seconds to get them out of the room. Are they gone? Good, roll the scene/song/skit.

Nicky
Nicky: Hi, Nicky here, so...umm...yeah, you might wanna take your kids for a walk, and come back in at least 15 seconds. Are they gone? All right, start the scene/song/skit.

Rod
Rod: Please, have your children vacate the premises, it'll only take 15 seconds.

Ricky
Ricky: Ya might wanna cover your kids' eyes and ears for this one. Only takes 15 seconds.

Trekkie Monster
Trekkie: Hello! Me Trekkie Monster, and me here to tell you that when you see red warning circle pop up- like this- (points behind him as red warning circle appears behind him) you know that following scene not for kids. So if you see red circle, you have (points to appearing countdown as it appears) 15 seconds to get them to leave. You not want them to see explicit scene. Me love explicit stuff, but even me not bad influence. So countdown to get kids to leave room starts... now. (After countdown reaches 0) Coast clear? Oh, good. Now on with show!

Lucy the Slut
Lucy: You only have 15 seconds, to get your kids outta here, just 15 more seconds, or cover their eyes and their ears, cause this next scene is not for the young ones, so do the right thing and let them watch something else.

The Bad Idea Bears
The Bad Idea Bears: Hi, it's us, Fizzie and Fuzzie, the Bad Idea Bears!

Fizzie: For the next 15 seconds, please get your children out of the room, the next scene isn't for the cubs.

Fuzzie: Basically all we're saying is, don't do anything we wouldn't do, that would indeed be a bear-y bad idea!

Fizzie: Just because we're bad, doesn't mean you should be.

Fuzzie: Even we have our limits when it comes to children.

Fizzie: You only have 15 seconds to get the kids to leave the room for the scene, starting now! (The countdown starts, and as they wait, the Bad Idea Bears hum to themselves a bit)

The Bad Idea Bears: Time's up!

Fuzzie: We hope you managed to get the kids out of the room.

Fizzie: Yeah, cause keeping them around even for explicit scenes is a VERY bad idea!

Fuzzie: And now, without further ado...

The Bad Idea Bears: Back to the show! Yay!

Mrs. Thistletwat
Mrs. Thistletwat: For the next 15 seconds, please have any younger children vacate the premises. The following scene is very explicit, strictly not for them. Consider this a parental guidance moment. (Once the countdown expires) Now that the countdown has expired, I hope you are successful in removing the young children from the room. If so, then we now return you to Avenue Q.

Julian (formerly known as the Newcomer)
Julian: The following scene/skit/song is very explicit, so if you have kids, you have 15 seconds to get them to leave the room. ......Did they leave? Good. And action!

Almo and Trumplet
Almo: Hi, everybody! Almo here.

Trumplet: And don't forget me, Almo's toy elephant, Trumplet!

Almo: Do you have any kids in the room with you? If you do, then you better take them out of the room right now.

Trumplet: And the reason why is because the following scene/skit/song is for adults only. That means no one under the age of 18 should see this.

Almo: Not even Almo. (shakes head) No, no, no.

Trumplet: Right you are, Almo.

Almo: Yeah. (as the countdown appears) So you got 15 seconds to get any children in the room to leave the room immediately.

Trumplet: Starting... now!

Almo: (once the countdown reaches zero) Are the kids gone?

Trumplet: I don't think I see any children out there anymore, Almo. All clear!

Almo: Good! Time to resume the show!

Trumplet: Yeah. We better get outta the way and keep from seeing and hearing this, too.

Almo: Oh, yeah, you're right, Trumplet. Let's go. Enjoy!

Kieran
Kieran: Hey there, everyone! This is Kieran Monster, and I'd like to tell you guys something important. Take a look at this. (the warning sign appears behind him in the background as he presents it) This sign indicates that what you are about to see is gonna be very explicit, meaning it's for people ages 18 and up only to watch. So if you have kids in the room with you, please have them leave immediately. In fact, you should get the children out of eyesight and earshot of the skit/song scene/scene about to play and then get back in time to even see the beginning of it. I think about... 15 seconds should be plenty enough to be prepared, starting... (as a countdown watch appears on-screen) now! (hums a bit as the watch ticks) Shouldn't be a moment for all the kids to leave. (the timer reaches 00 and rings) Is the coast clear? Are the children safely absent? (momentary pause) Okay, then! Start the skit!/Roll the scene!/Play the song scene!

Excalibird
Excalibird: Hey guys, it's your favorite blue birdie buddy, Excalibird. For the next 15 minutes please refrain from showing your kids the following scenes, or you could possibly turn the volume down or cover their eyes. Then again, that wouldn't be good, cause your kids would usually take a peek if they let their curiosity get the best of them. So are the kids gone? Oh good, let's roll the scene.

Barnaby
Barnaby: Oh, didn't see you there. Barnaby Snufflestiltskin here to remind you the next scene is for the adults watching, so that means any of you kids out there better go do something else, it'll only take 15 seconds. (After the countdown ends) No kids present? Goodie, roll the next scene.

Tilly
Tilly: Hi! This is Barnaby's little sister Tilly, reminding all you little snufflelupaguses out there to not watch what's about to come up next, for the next 15 seconds, you shouldn't have any kids in the room with you. (After the countdown ends) So are the kids gone? Okie-dokie-lokie, roll the next scene.

Cookie Marshal
Cookie Marshal: Hello! Me Cookie Marshal, and me here to give you viewers at home very important message. The following scene for adults only. Not appropriate for children. If kids present in room, please get them to leave for scene about to be viewed. You have 15 seconds to do so, starting... now. (as he waits) Dum-dum-dum-dum... (Once countdown expires) Are kids gone? Are adult viewers only ones in room? Good. Then back to Avenue Q! Oh, and me better get back to work.

Alys
Alys: Hi, all my little boos and ghouls, this is Alys, with a warning for all the younglings, these next few scenes aren't for you, especially for those with weak hearts. Take this time for a 15-second break. Are the little ones gone? Oh, good. On with the show, then. Zippity Zap!

Angelita
Angelita: Hola, everybody! This is Angelita, and I'm gonna give you una advertencia. What does that mean, you ask? In Spanish, that means... (as the sign appears) ...a warning! Because the following scene is explícita. That's "explicit" in Spanish. So for this, tienes quince segundos para que las niñas salgan de la habitación. Or as you Americans say, you have 15 seconds to get the kids to leave the room, starting... now! (Countdown expires) Ellas se han ido? Are they gone? Muy bien! Back to the show, then!

Eric
Eric: Uh, hi, my name's Eric. You may not know me, but I happen to be one of the monsters on Avenue Q, and of course, I know that there are some things kids shouldn't be watching like this next scene. So if you have any kids with you, then you know the drill. Only takes 15 seconds. (When countdown expires...) Ready to go? Are there only adults here? Good. Start the next scene!

Joan
Joan: Hi! Joanie here. (laughs) Ya see this little red circle thingy? When you see this, (The symbol appears behind her in the background) it means that if you're probably a little kid who's not gonna like what's coming up next, so for the next 15 seconds, go to another room and play or get something to eat and then come back later, OK? (When countdown expires...) Time's up! Are you grownups ready? Okay! Roll it!

Henry Monster
Henry: Hi, Henry here. Now, I may not know my own strength, but what I do know is what you're about to see is for adults only. That means no kids should be in the room with you, but if they are, please tell them to leave, it only takes 15 seconds. (When countdown expires...) The kids are out? Good. Okay, roll 'em!

Terry
Terry: Terry here to remind you that this next scene is for adults only, so kids, go do something else for a while. In fact, if ya know what's good for ya, you'd wait till you get older. And it's no good for you kids sneaking a peek at shows like this either. Got it? Good. Anyway, you just have... (points to appearing countdown) ...15 seconds to leave the room, starting... now. (as the countdown goes down) And be sure to remember my advice, kids. Now, try look for something fun to do. (Once the countdown expires...) Okay! Time's up. Are they gone? Great. On with the show! (leaves the area, but after about a second, peeks in) Anyone in the room behind you? No? Just making sure. Sorry 'bout that. Anyway, roll it! (leaves for sure)

Russell
Russell: Hello there! This is your cute and adorable pal, Russell. These next scenes, however, are not cute and adorable, because they are strictly for adults. So for the next 15 seconds, please have your children leave the room. Thank you. (When the countdown expires...) Time's up! Are they gone? Did they leave the room? Oh, good. Then back to Avenue Q. Roll the scenes!

Alcindor Von Count
Alcindor: 15! 15 seconds, which is how long you have before the upcoming scene plays, so please, little children, cover your eyes and/or ears or more importantly, leave the room for a while until the scene is over, okay? (The countdown expires) Now it's zero! Zero seconds on the countdown! Ah-ah-ah! (cue thunder and lightning) Ah, I just love to count. But enough about that. It is time to start the scene. And 3, 2, 1!

Trevor the Grouch
(Trevor comes out of his trash can as he looks at the cameras.)

Trevor: Hey, all you happy people. This is Trevor the Grouch, giving you a very important message. The following scene of this Avenue Q episode is very dirty, (The warning sign appears behind Trevor) and I mean the explicit kind of dirty. That means it's a very, VERY yucky sight for kids. Not even I would want them to see disturbed, or Bozar or Grump or any other Grouches for that matter. It's very un-grouch-like. So for 15 seconds, you better get the kids to scram from the room and get them to do something else for a while till the scene ends. And the timer starts... right now. (When the countdown expires...) Is it all clear? No kids about? Good. Enjoy the dirty scene, folks. Heh heh heh.

(Then he heads back in his trash can and closes the lid.)

Grump the Grouch
Grump: This is Grump the Grouch reminding you this next scene is very dirty, and not like covered in trash and stuff kind of dirty, I mean the other kind of dirty...and... oh, you know? What Trevor said. So go on, get outta here, scram! (When the countdown expires) No kids? Thank god. Let's get on with the show!

Sam the Mini Yeti
Sam: This is Sam the Mini Yeti only with a warning that this skit/song contains explicit language and/or actions not appropriate for your little ones. It's not gonna be warm and fuzzy like me, folks. Should give you about fifteen seconds....are your little ones gone? Okay, unfreeze!

Ricky Recycle Bin
Ricky: I'm sure you know the drill by now, if you see the red circle, don't let your kids watch what's coming up next. Yadda yadda yadda, roll the next scene. I swear they don't pay me enough to do this.

David Red
David: This next scene isn't for kids, so please take 15 seconds to get your kids out of the room, m'kay? (When countdown expires...) Time's up! Now let's start the scene, m'kay?

ALF
ALF: We at Avenue Q are very, very sorry for what you're about to see, so please, please take 15 seconds to get your kids out of the room. (Once 15 seconds passed...) Time's up! If the kids are absent, good for you. Otherwise, don't blame us if they get badly affected about what's about to start right now. In any case, enjoy!

Sherman the Frog
Sherman: Hi-ho, Sherman the Frog here. If you're yellow like me, you shouldn't watch what's up next. The reason why is because the following scene/song/skit is explicit, not for children, or the easily squeamish. You have about 15 seconds to get them to leave the room. (After countdown expires...) Are the children gone? Oh, good. I'll be leaving here, too, since I'm actually squeamish for this, too, so, uh... yeah, I'll leave you to this scene/song/skit. Enjoy it, folks. (If Spamela is in the scene/song/skit...) Are the children gone? Oh, good. I'll be, uh... over there. Not that I want to watch Spamela in this, even if she's a really sexy pig. Uh, okay, I'll stop now. I'll leave you to this scene/song/skit. Enjoy it, folks.

Spamela Hamderson
Spamela: This next scene is too hot for television, dare I say even hotter than I am, so ask your kids to leave the room. It'll only take 15 seconds. (When countdown expires...) Are they gone? Good. Enjoy!

Bixby Bear
Bixby: (as the show freezes, off-screen) What did the warning sign say to the viewers watching at home?

(Bixby pops up as the warning sign appears behind him.)

Bixby: WARNING! Ahhhh! But seriously, the sign behind me indicates that the following scene is only for adults, and not for children, or those who are easily squeamish. That's why you got 15 seconds to get them to leave the room immediately. Got it? Okay. Timer starts... now! (When the clock expires...) Is it all clear? Then let's get on with the show! Wocka wocka!

McGruff the Crime Dog
(The instant the episode pauses, McGruff walks in as he looked at the camera.)

McGruff: McGruff the Crime Dog here. I know what's about to happen. (as the sign appears behind him, McGruff points with his thumb) See this sign here? That means there's about to be some explicit activity that should be viewed only by adults exactly or over the age of 18. If you have kids in the room with you, it's best you escort those kids away at once. There have been some cases of foolish children peeking at adult stuff that they should not be looking at. Some get traumatized seeing it, and others become perverted to the point of being naughty. So don't take any chances with anyone under the age of 18. Do your part right now and take them out of the room right now. You have 15 seconds to do that. (When time expires...) Is the coast clear? Good. Now, to resume the episode. And remember, folks, think about your kids whenever you see this sign.

Scruff
Scruff: (walks in) Hey, what happened to the show?

McGruff: (walks in afterward) I'll answer your question, Scruff.

Scruff: What is it, Uncle McGruff? Why did the show freeze?

McGruff: It's quite simple, Scruff. (as the sign appears behind the two) See that sign?

Scruff: Huh? (reads sign) Oh, I get it! A segment for adults only is about to play!

McGruff: That's right, Scruff. And do you know what that means?

Scruff: Yeah, children under the age of 18 shouldn't be present until the scene is over.

McGruff: Absolutely correct.

Scruff: So... how will the show continue?

McGruff: Simple: Any adults who have kids must get them out of the room within 15 seconds.

Scruff: Oh! Okay! Got it! So all you folks under 18, you have 15 seconds to leave the room, starting... now!

McGruff: (as the countdown gets closer) 5... 4... 3... 2... 1.

Scruff: Are the kids gone? Good! Now, on with the show!

McGruff: Time to get you outta here, too, Scruff. You're a kid, too, you know.

Scruff: (as he and McGruff leave) Yes, Uncle McGruff.

Cookie Mongoloid
Cookie Mongoloid: Hey, you! Folks watching at home! Do you have kids in room with you? If you do, better take them out of room now, because what you about to watch very explicit. You got fifteen seconds to do it. (After countdown ends...) Have kids gone? All right. Time to play scene/skit! (If an explicit song about to play...) Have kids gone? All right. Time to rock and roll!

Rattles the Snake
(Note: he speaks with a hiss, so imagine, if you will multiple s's in his sentences)

Rattles: SSSSStop! This is Rattles the Snake here with some words of wisdom: The following sssscene/sssskit/ssssong about to play is gonna be explicit, which means that kids should not be watching this. If you have them in the room with you, I suggest you escort them out of the room immediately. I think about... ten sssseconds. (After countdown expires...) Are your kids gone? Good, back to the show!

Bubbasaur
Bubbasaur: Hello, everybody! You see this sign here? That means what's about to play here is not for children. So if you have kids in the room with you, then you should immediately get them out of the room for the whole segment. You have 15 seconds to get them out starting... now! (after the countdown expires) Are the kids gone? Oh, good. Then on with the show! Oh, and one more thing: Don't compare me to a certain purple dinosaur, 'cause personally, it annoys me. No hard feelings to those who grew up with and still love him. (referring to Barney)

Lil' Kip
Lil' Kip: Hi, Lil' Kip here with a quick tip, for all the little dinos watching, if you see this red circle (circle appears) it means you shouldn't watch what's up next, so if you know what's good for you, go out for a bit and come back later, it only takes 15 seconds. (after the countdown ends) Are they gone? Good, okay, next scene.

Jenny
Jenny: I'm sure you've seen this symbol (the red circle appears), and when you see it, you know what to do? If you have any smaller children with you, then they shouldn't be there, you only have 15 seconds. (after the countdown ends) Are they gone? Super! Alright, folks, roll the next scene. Also, for legal reasons, please don't compare me to BJ. No offense to any fans of a certain purple dinosaur, we just don't want to get sued.

Widget
Widget: For all you guys watching out there, please make sure there are no younger children with you, as they'll probably get traumatized by what they might see next. You have 15 seconds. Are they gone? Alright, folks, roll 'em! Speaking of which, I think-ity think it's time for me to wing it.

Stephanie
Stephanie: Hi there, everybody! It's me, Stephanie, formerly from LazyTown. What you're about to see is a scene/skit/song that is NOT for all the kids at home. If they're in the room with you, then you have 15 seconds to get them out of the room immediately, beginning... now! (Once the countdown expires...) Are they gone? Good. Back to the show!

Olive Hoover
Olive: Hi, this is Olive Hoover. You might remember me from the movie (and Broadway musical) Little Miss Sunshine. Now, some of the things you're about to see are not for kids. Heck, what I did in my film was tame compared to what's coming up. So for these next 15 seconds, all I can say is don't let your kids watch this. So you better get them outta the room if they're in there with you. (When countdown expires...) Time's up! Is it all clear? No kids in the room you're watching this in? Then let's get this show on the road!

Shiloh
Shiloh: Hi, this is Shiloh (or SportaShiloh, if you prefer) from LazyTown. This next scene contains things that aren't too kid-friendly, so for the next 15 seconds, please get any children around to leave the room and refrain them from showing what is about to occur. In the words of my archenemy Robbie Rotten, "Don't let your kids watch it!" (Countdown passes) Time's up! And here we go!

Luckl-Duckl Bird
Luckl-Duckl Bird: We interrupt this program to bring you a special message from WING Radio: The following scene has explicit material, strictly for adults. That means kids can't watch the upcoming scene. If you have kids in the room watching this with you, then you must get them to leave the room immediately. You have 15 seconds to do so, starting... now. (Once the countdown passes) Are the kids gone? Good. Then we now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Ki Ki Kookaburra
Ki Ki Kookaburra: WING Radio with a warning message for all viewers at home watching Avenue Q: The following scene is for adults only, as it contains explicit material. That means no kids are allowed to watch this. You have 15 seconds to get them out of the room before we can begin the scene, starting... now. (Once the countdown expires) Are they gone? Then we now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Calvert Cardinal
Calvert Cardinal: This is WING Radio with a special message for all of you viewers watching at home: What you are about to see is only for adults, so if you have kids watching this with you, they must leave the room immediately. There is a 15-second time limit for this task to be complete, beginning... now. (Once the countdown passes) All clear? The kids gone? Good. Then we now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Sparra Bird
Sparra: We at WING Radio once again would like to remind you that this next scene contains explicit material, strictly for adults, which means no kids are allowed to watch the following scene. If you have any children in the room, get them to leave the room immediately. You have 15 seconds to do so, starting... now. (Once the countdown passes) Are the kids gone? Good. Then we now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

The Pigeon
Pigeon: Now this is something I'm glad you people can let me do: Remind you people that the following scene contains material that's for adults only, which means it's absolutely NOT for kids. If any children are present in the room, escort them out of the room immediately. I think about... 15 seconds should get this done. And... start now. (Once the countdown passes) Good, they should be gone now. ...Are they? Yeah, they are. So, without further delay, on with the show!

The Puzzle Place Kids
Puzzle Place Kids: Hi, everybody!

Skye: We're the Puzzle Place kids, and we all have a special message for you.

Julie: The next scene is only for adults.

Ben: And the reason why is because the scene contains explicit material.

Kiki: That means children should not be present in watching or even listening to this scene.

Leon: Otherwise, they'd end up seeing something they're not ready for yet, and it'll affect them badly.

Jody: That's why we're asking the children to leave the premises for their safety.

Kyle: And you have 15 seconds to do this.

Caitlyn: Starting right about... now!

(When the countdown expires...)

Kiki: There's the time. So it's time to start the scene.

Ben: But before we do, is the coast clear?

Leon: Are the kids gone?

Julie: They are? Great!

Skye: In that case...

Puzzle Place Kids: Back to the show!

Allegra and Sonata
Allegra: Hi, everybody! It's me, Allegra! And I'm here to tell you that for the next fifteen seconds, you must get your kids to leave the room, because the upcoming scene is for grownups only.

Sonata: Allegra! (as she walks up) You better leave here, too, because you're also a kid.

Allegra: Oh, right! Then I better get outta here. You kids at home better leave the room, too.

Sonata: The timer starts... now! (After 15 seconds passed while Allegra is gone...) Allegra's gone. Are the kids at your home gone, too? Good. Time to resume.

Rondo
Rondo: Hey there, you guys! I'm Allegra's older brother, Rondo! If you see that red warning circle pop up just now, then what you're about to see is only for mature people. So if there are any kids in the room with you, then you got fifteen seconds to get them to leave, beginniiinnng... now! (When the countdown reaches 0) Are they gone? Good. On with the show, then!

Lindi
Lindi: Hello there! Lindi here, and I hope you're all ears as much as I am for this: The scene that's about to come up is not for puppies to see, and by puppies, I mean children. So for the next 15 seconds, you better get any kids present in the room to leave. And make sure they're not even in earshot of the coming scene, too. With that said, the countdown starts... now! (As the countdown starts) I hope my dog ears are hearing the kids leaving the room. (When the countdown reaches 0) Time's up! Are the kids gone? Good! And now, back to the show!

Riff
Riff: Hey, hold on a minute, you viewers. You didn't think I'd let you watch the show like that, did you? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to stop you. The only reason why the show is on pause at the moment is because I, the Riffster, have an important message. (The red circle pops up) You see this circle here? That means the following part is absolutely not for the little ones. So you know what this means, kiddies. You're gonna have to leave the room for the entirety of the scene until it's over. And you got about, um... (The countdown appears) ...15 seconds to do so. The grownups watching this will help. So counting down... now. (As the countdown starts) Start escorting the kids out, grownups. Maybe distract them with something to eat. (chuckles) (When the countdown reaches 0) Time's up! Is it all clear? Good. So with that, we now return you to your regularly scheduled program... while I go get me a snack.

Poco and Mr. Cook
Mr. Cook: Hello, everybody!

Poco: Hi!

Mr. Cook: Mr. Cook and Poco here to give important message to viewers watching at home. (as red circle appears) See this big red circle?

Poco: Big red circle!

Mr. Cook: Yes, Poco! Big red circle means following scene not for little kiddies.

Poco: (shakes head) Not for kids.

Mr. Cook: So grownups watching show got 15 seconds for little kiddies to leave room to do different activities. Don't want anything bad happening to their little minds.

Poco: No bad things!

Mr. Cook: (as countdown starts going down) Ah! Clock now ticking. Off you go now, kiddies.

Poco: Tick tock! Tick tock! (Once the countdown expires...) Rrrring!

Mr. Cook: Time's up!

Poco: Time's up! Time's up!

Mr. Cook: Are little kids gone? Great! Then on with the show!

Poco: Yay! Showtime! Showtime!

Mr. Cook: Oh, no, no, little Poco. Scene not for little nephew either. You little kid, too.

Poco: Oh, right! Scene not for Poco.

Mr. Cook: Now, let's go back to Mr. Cook's Food Truck and do some more cooking!

Poco: (as he and Mr. Cook leave) Cooking! Cooking!

Mr. Cook: (to the camera) Roll scene!

Eureeka
Eureeka: Hi, guys, this is Eureeka. For the next fifteen seconds, please tell the kids to come out of the room, 'cause these next few scenes aren't for kids. Once you finished, I'll cast a spell to resume the show. (After 15 seconds passed...) Are they gone? Okay, here we go. Alakazam!

Magellan
Magellan: Hey there, it's Magellan, if you're a baby dragon, like me, then this coming scene isn't for you. Course, if you're not really a dragon yet you're still a kid, it still counts. This pause will only take 15 seconds, so please get the kids out of the room while we start the timer. (Once the timer ends...) Alright, are they gone? Goodie, roll the next scene.

Batly
Batly: For the next 15 seconds, please get your kids to leave the room, and do not let your kids watch the following scenes. (After 15 seconds passed...) Is it all clear? All right, let's get this show on the road, roll the next scene.

Bogge and Quagmire
Bogge and Quagmire: Hiya! Bogge and Quagmire here!

Bogge: And we have a message for all the viewers watching this at home.

Quagmire: When you see this red thingy here... (the symbol appears behind them in the background)

Bogge: It means "adults only" and that means "no one under the age of 18".

Quagmire: So for the next 15 seconds, have the kids leave the room and do something for a while.

Bogge: Yeah, maybe go make your kids some snacks or something.

Quagmire: Yeah, like some peanut butter sandwiches! (After 15 seconds passed...)

Bogge: Are they gone? Then roll the next scene.

Quagmire: As for us, we better make peanut butter sandwiches ourselves!

Bogge: Yeah!

(Then the two leave eagerly.)

Mr. Knack
Mr. Knack: Hi, this is Mr. Knack, reminding you that if there are any kiddos watching, then they probably shouldn't be. You have 15 seconds to tell them and get them to leave the room. It shouldn't take too long. (When countdown reaches 0) Is the coast clear? Oh, heavens to bootsy! On with the show!

Stellaluna
Stellaluna: For the next 15 seconds, get your kids to leave the room, so that they don't see what's about to happen next. Otherwise, it might drive them batty. (When the countdown expires...) Alright, are the kids out of the room? They are? Good. Roll the next scene.

Basalt
Basalt: Hi, Basalt the Dragon here, like my friend Magellan said a while ago, if you're too young to see whatever's coming up next (dragon or not) then you probably shouldn't be watching at all, remember you only have 15 seconds, so scram, shoo, vamoose! (When countdown reaches 0) Alright, are the kids gone? They are? Okay. Roll the next scene.

Belinda
Belinda: Hi, kids! Belinda here. Just popping in to say if you see this red circle (the symbol appears behind her), it means no one who under the age of 18 should see this, so for your safety and ours, please get your kids out of the room, it only takes 15 seconds (When countdown reaches 0) Are they gone? Well, let's not have this drag-on any longer! Roll the next scene.

Sir Klank, Kate Mouse and Emma
Sir Klank: (sings) Hello!

Kate Mouse: (sings) Hello!

Emma: (sings) Hello!

Sir Klank, Kate Mouse and Emma (in unison) Hello!

Sir Klank: We are the mice of Eureeka's Castle.

Kate Mouse: And we have the cheese for you folks.

Emma: (eagerly) Cheese?! Where?!

Kate Mouse: (points to the red sign appearing above them) Up there.

Emma: Ohh, I see what you mean.

Sir Klank: That's right, Emma. (to the camera) This is a warning to tell you that what you are about to see is for grownups. That means this is not for little ones, and we don't mean us mice.

Emma: Nope, we mean the kids present in the room.

Kate Mouse: So it's time for the kids to make like us mice and scoot out to another room.

Sir Klank: Right you are, Kate. (to the camera) So I'd say... (the countdown appears) ...15 seconds should be enough for you to do it. (as the countdown starts) Better get going, kids.

Kate Mouse: Yeah, the clock just started ticking.

Emma: And the scene is about to begin, too. Can't have any kids around watching or listening to the inappropriate stuff.

Kate Mouse: No sirree!

Emma: (as the countdown expires) Ohh! Is that the lunch bell I hear?

Sir Klank: You could say that, but that bell-ringing sound also means time's up.

Kate Mouse: Any little ones remaining out there?

Emma: I don't see any out there. That means they're gone!

Sir Klank: Very good! Then we better head to Grill or Be Grilled. There's a smorgasbord waiting for us!

Emma: Oh boy!!

Kate Mouse: Back to the show! (Then the three mice left.)

Brendar the Barbarian
Brendar: Brendar here, just dropping in to let you know this next scene might be too violent or sexual, so if you have any younglings in the room, please ask them to leave. It should only take about 15 seconds. (The red circle pops up, as the timer counts down) C'mon, the clock's ticking. (When countdown reaches 0) Are they gone? Good. On with the show. By the way, don't forget to check out my show, The Barbarian and the Troll, only on Nickelodeon (and no, they didn't pay me to say this).

Evan the Troll
Evan: Hey guys, this is Evan, letting you know for the next 15 seconds, any younger viewers are to leave the room, because they shouldn't see what's about to happen next. It only takes 15 seconds. (red circle appears and the timer counts down) C'mon, any second now. (When the countdown reaches 0) No kids? Okay, then let's get back to the show! And like Brendar said, don't forget to watch our show The Barbarian and the Troll, on Nickelodeon (This isn't an advertisement, no way.)

Axe
Axe: This is Brendar's trusty Axe, cutting in to tell you that the following scene is not for children. (The red circle pops up) If you have any in the room, then you have only 15 seconds (the countdown appears as he spoke) to get them to leave the room, starting now. (The timer counts down) Chop chop, clock's ticking. (When the countdown reaches 0) All clear? The children gone? Good. And remember, if you want to see more of me and Brendar in action, check out The Barbarian and the Troll, only on Nickelodeon (not an advertisement).

Brendar: (as she comes in) Come on, Axe. Time for target practice.

Axe: (as he gets picked up) All right! (to the camera) Now, back to the show!

Charlie Morningstar
Charlie: Hi Everyone! My name is Charlie Morningstar, Princess of Hell! And I am here to tell you what this (red circle pops up) red circle means! It means that all of the children in the room should leave the premises because the next number features mature content only to be seen by people are the age of or over the age of 18. Grown ups, take 15 seconds to let them leave the room! The timer starts... Now! (She hums while the clock counts down) Come on, I know you can do it... (When the countdown reaches 0) OK, Time's up! Are they all gone? Oh, Goodie! But, if you're ready for some more fun in Hell, watch Hazbin Hotel on Amazon Prime! (Not an advertisement anyway!) See you later!

Alastor
Alastor: Why hello there, everyone. It's Alastor, the radio demon. But, seriously though, I need my staff for this. (Alastor's microphone staff appears) Cue the red circle! (He summons the red circle) Ladies and Gentlemen, I, Alastor, will claim that all the youngsters in the room should leave immediately! A mature scene is coming! Therefore, i will summon a clock that will run for 15 seconds. The time starts... Now! (He waits for every kid to leave) any second now... (When the countdown hits 0) Are the children safely absent? If so, enjoy the next scene. Also, check out my show "Hazbin Hotel" on Amazon Prime. (Amazon and A24 did not pay me for this.) Toodles!

Angel Dust
Angel: Angel Dust here. I got a little announcement for the kids in the room. This next scene is too hot for television (the red circle appears), so you have 15 seconds for the kiddies out of the way. The time wil start.. just about now. (He hums while the clock counts down) Can someone give me a makeover? (When the timer reaches 0) Time's up! Are the kiddies gone? Is it all clear? Great. If you want to see more of me, watch me on Hazbin Hotel on Amazon Prime. (Not an advertisement.) See you later, ok? (If the segment features him) Oh, I almost forgot that I was in the segment! Can't let the kids see me from the naked eye. But I'll see you later, ok?

Vaggie
Vaggie: Hey, it's Vaggie with an important message. See this sign here? (the red circle appears) It says that all kids that are in the room should leave because the following scene is for adults only. that means no kids are allowed to watch until the scene is over. There are some extremely "horny" language and violence here. You have 15 seconds to get them out of the room. The countdown starts right now. (She checks her spear while the timer is counting down) Let me shine this while you get them out. (When the timer reaches 0) Time's up. Are the little ones gone? Oh, Ok. If you want to see more of me and Charlie, please watch Hazbin Hotel on Amazon Prime. (Not an advertisement for this show) Goodbye, guys. Enjoy the scene.

Husk
Husk: What's up, guys? It's Husk here with some words of wisdom. (The red circle appears) it tells us that the following part of Avenue Q features content for grown ups, like me. (He drinks his alcohol) So if you have kids watching this, it's time for the kiddos to get going. Even though I'm a bad influence doesn't mean that you kiddos should be. You have 15 seconds. And go! (He drinks alcohol while the the countdown continues, now the timer hits 0) Ok, is the coast clear? If you put the kids away, that's good. If you want to see more of me and the other hazbin staff, watch Hazbin Hotel on Amazon. (And no, I was not paid for this) Later.

Niffty and KeeKee
Niffty: Hi, everybody! I'm Niffty!

Keekee: And I'm KeeKee!

Niffty: And this red circle here behind us means that kids under 18 should not be watching this next scene!

KeeKee: That's right, Niffty! We need a timer for 15 seconds so the grown ups cannot let their kids watch!

Niffty: Ok, KeeKee, the 15 seconds will start... Now!

(Keekee and Niffty talk until the timer hits 0)

KeeKee: Time's up!

Niffty: Are the kids gone, KeeKee?

KeeKee: Hm... I guess there are no kids here, Niffty. All Clear!

Niffty: But before we go on, you can see us more on Hazbin Hotel. Check it out on Amazon Prime now! (But seriously, this isn't an ad.)

KeeKee: Back to the show!