Challenge-Edd/Transcript

Pre-Challenge-Edd
(Keith and Cherry are taking a vacation in England. They’re exploring the town of London to see all the cool sights and learn some of England’s culture)

Keith: So, how are you liking the city of London, Cherry?

Cherry: It’s a pretty nice place, I guess. My family used to tour around different countries a lot when I was younger, but I never really got to learn very much about those countries’ cultures and stuff.

Keith: Well, now you have the chance to do so. I bet you’ll enjoy all the different sights, sounds, and tastes that this place has to offer.

Cherry: Yeah. England seems a lot different than America, but I think it’s neat.

Keith: Me too.

(After they walk through town for a little while, Cherry’s stomach growls)

Cherry: Ugh, I’m sooooo hungry…I didn’t have time to have breakfast this morning. Can you find a good place to eat, Keith?

Keith: Well, my dear girlfriend, I think we can find some place here in town. How about we get an English muffin at a jolly old English cafe? That’s what they say here, right?

Cherry: Hmm, a muffin doesn’t sound too bad. I’ve actually been craving them since we came here.

Keith: Alrighty then, let’s go!

(Keith and Cherry search through town and eventually find a cafe. Keith reads a sign on the window about the cafe’s specialties)

Keith: Hmm, it says here on this sign that they specialize in tea and scones. Heh, typical Brits.

Cherry: Look, I think I see another sign on the window! It says “We carry scrumptious English muffins, made fresh every day.”

Keith: Well, I guess we’ve found the place. Come on, Cherry, let’s go in.

(But just as they are about to enter the cafe, they are stopped by a sign on the door that says “Sorry, We’re Closed for Maintenance”)

Keith: Aw, rats! They’re not open today!

Cherry: That’s too bad. Where else are we gonna get a muffin?

Keith: Hmm, why don’t we ask around?

Cherry: Are you sure about that? I don’t feel entirely comfortable asking random strangers where we can…

Keith: Oh, c’mon, it’ll be fine. Let’s go!

(Keith and Cherry continue to look around and see if there’s anyone who can help them find another place that sells muffins. They stop at a suburban house, where they see a young man wearing a green hoodie and drinking a can of Coke. They decide to ask him if he knows of a place where they can find muffins)

Keith: (taps the man on the shoulder) Um, excuse me, sir…

(The man turns his head to see Keith)

Edd: Pardon?

(Keith gasps, as he recognizes the man as the star of a certain webtoon he watched)

Keith: Hey! You’re the guy from “Eddsworld”, a cartoon I saw on YouTube!

Edd: Ehh…Yeah, that’s me. The one and only Edd. How can I help you?

Keith: You know where my girlfriend and I can get some jolly old English muffins?

Edd: I’m sorry, what?

Keith: Oh, right, English people don’t understand American tourists.

Edd: Hey, we’re both speaking the same language, so I understand you just fine. I just don’t understand why you’re randomly showing up out of nowhere and asking me some weird question.

Keith: Uhhh…Beepity boop bop?

Edd: What on Earth are you saying?

Cherry: (chuckles) Sorry, he’s…like this sometimes. Just point us towards a bakery or some place before he tries to solve this with a…rap battle or something.

(Suddenly, at the mention of a rap battle, Keith immediately whips out his microphone)

Keith: You had me at “rap battle”!

Cherry: (sighs) I was afraid of this.

Edd: Ooh, I love rap battles! I’ll take you on if only I hadn’t frozen my microphone while I was a superhero. Lemme go ask my housemates if it’s thawing out yet.

(Edd walks over to the window and sees Matt sitting on a chair and reading a newspaper while Edd’s microphone is cooking in a microwave)

Edd: How’s it thawing, Matt?

Matt: Working on it!

Keith: Aw man. If you don’t have a mic, I guess that means we won’t have a rap battle.

Cherry: Such a shame. I guess we’ll get going then. We’ll see you around…

(Suddenly, the microwave explodes, sending the microphone flying out the window and into Edd’s hand. The sound of the microwave dinging is heard)

Tom: Edd, your food’s done. And…exploded.

Edd: Well, a rap battle it is, then!

Keith: All right! Let’s do it!

Cherry: (sighs) This better be quick, ‘cause I’m starving.

(Cherry summons her speakers and gets up on them to start the song)

Challenge-Edd, Part 1
Edd: Want a go? Then you’d do well to know Might seem like an average bloke But there’s lots of odd folks drawn to me!

Keith: I can tell! You’ve got housemates from hell! But my world’s chock full of strangeness Rap battlin’ weirdos effortlessly!

Edd: I’ll give you a tip while you’re forming your quips This whole place is Edd’s world You’ve just walked onto my scene!

Keith: Might think that you’re player one, with your wordplay and puns But the hero wears red, and the sidekick’s dressed in green!

Edd: This hoodie’s a national treasure! It’s been on the flippin’ BBC! Your skater attire is far less inspired Go back to 1993!

Keith: Haven’t you seen me around, pal? This backwards cap is everywhere! From Kickstarter cash to bootleg-y trash I got renown and fame to spare!

Edd: Oh, you wanna talk about spread? Well, I’m about to make ya freak! I’ve been to hell, to space as well I even went to Tesco last week! Never seen such an excess of pride, and We’ve already tried two Matts!

Keith: (overlapping) Might have only been around a year, but My skills are revered, top that! Everything else revolves around me Even I’m a little floored I launch careers whenever I’m near I raise dead fandoms, even yours!

Both: Hey!

Edd: I don’t need you to help me keep my sway!

Keith: Wanna keep your sway? Then keep rappin’ Nobody likes a quitter!

Edd: You want the tea? I’ll be happy to deliver Just don’t blame me when it spills and you get all burned!

Keith: (overlapping) I can take it, if there’s one thing that I’ve learned When you spit fire, you might get burned!

Edd: Are ya sure, bud? Kickin’ a bomb! Your hopes are dimmer than Tom!

Keith: (overlapping) I’ve kicked one before where I’m from! C’mon, man, pick up the pace! Your threats are as plain as your face!

Edd: (overlapping) They’ll feel this burn from space! You’re hardly built to last!

Keith: Your best days are long past!

Both: You’re fading fast!

Keith: Man, that was a blast!

Edd: Gosh, that got intense! Feels like a revival!

Keith: Now you’re talkin’ sense! I could be your rival!

Edd: ‘Fraid that won’t be needed! Got one livin’ right next door!

Keith: Bring him on! I’ll beat him! Come on, what are you waiting for?

(Just then, they notice that Edd’s rival neighbor, Eduardo, has overheard their rap battle and decides to join in with his own verses)

Eduardo: (spoken) Well, well, well…

Edd: (spoken) Ugh, Eduardo…

Eduardo: Look at you losers, I’m kind of impressed That you found someone lamer than you for a guest! That sad little gnome will feel right at home So who’s he replacin’? No-Eyes or Dumb-Dome?

Edd: For your information, he’s just passing by, You huge irritation to all our lives! Man, what’s your problem? You’re one giant joke A diet Edd drinking Diet Coke!

Eduardo: Both you and I know who’s numero uno Got fancier duds and a fancier place! A prettier lawn for my friends to stand on!

Jon: (spoken) You consider us friends?

Eduardo: (spoken) I’ll punch in your face.

Keith: You’re just a copycat, jackin’ Edd’s style! An ill-tempered bully with food in your smile! It’s easy to know that it ain’t even close! You scream second place from your head down to your toes!

Eduardo: (I’m not in second place!) That big, lame-o mophead draws even worse than his terrible puns! My painting should’ve won!

Edd: (overlapping) You still dredging that up? You and I both agreed you should’ve won!

Eduardo: Why don’t you losers just buzz off, move away and don’t come back? You’re the one who’s soft And that’s a fact!

Keith: (overlapping) Under your shell, you seem troubled and soft And that shell’s about to crack!

Eduardo: I’m bursting with fame! Just open the internet! I look for my name, how popular can ya get? Yeah… Man, I’m a freakin’ meme!

Edd: (overlapping) I’ve fought off zombies, outwitted Zanta’s schemes And I’ll take both over one more Eduardo meme!

Eduardo: Tell me now, when was the last time you’ve seemed relevant, Edd? ‘Bout to put this to bed!  Keith: (overlapping) You think that stuff makes you cool? In your dreams! Go back to bed!

Eduardo: What a waste of time! C’mon, fellas, let’s roll!

Edd: Best make like a mime! Shut your stupid pie-hole!

Eduardo: If you had a change of heart, blue kid, knock on my door!

Keith: I may not be smart, but even I know that you’re just a big neigh-bore!

(Eduardo punches Jon in the face)

Jon: (spoken) Oww! Why’d you do that? I didn’t even say any…

Eduardo: (spoken) Shut up.

(The first part of the song ends as Edd congratulates Keith for standing up to his nasty neighbor)

Edd: Hah! Nice job sticking to…Eduardo….But I still have no idea what you were asking for to begin with.

Cherry: We just want to get a muffin.

Edd: Oh, is that all? I’m sure we’ve got a few lying around…Hey, Matt, can you fetch one for us?

Matt: Sure thing!

(Matt takes a peek inside the house to see if he’s got any muffins for Keith and Cherry, but he suddenly sees a familiar face, who’s here for revenge. He runs back out to warn Edd)

Matt: Edd! T-T-Tord's back!

Edd: (sighs) Really, Matt? Just admit you’ve eaten all the muffins…Tord's been gone for years! Take some responsibility, man!

Matt: No, I’m serious! He’s ransacked the house and activated a secret giant robot! He’ll kill us all!

Edd: Matt…

Matt: Allright…I’ve ransacked the house and activated a secret giant robot. I’ll kill us all.

Edd: Much better.

Keith: Why would you be worried about Tord, anyway? I thought you guys made up after those girls kissed in that one episode called “The Dudette Next Door”.

Edd: Well, after that…

(Edd tries to have a flashback, but it is interrupted by one about Keith getting sent to heaven, only to be brought back to life by Cherry)

Edd: Wait, hang on, that’s not far back enough! Allright, who else is playing with the space-time continuum and mucking up my flashbacks?

Cherry: (chuckles nervously) Um, don’t blame me…

Tom: Something weird is going on…I’m getting the harpoon gun.

Edd: C’mon, Tom, let’s not jump to conclusions. I’m sure this is just all one big misunderstanding…Isn’t it?

(Suddenly, the ground starts to shake, and Tord’s giant robot rises from behind Edd’s house, with Tord himself operating it)

Tord: No, it’s not a misunderstanding! I am back for my revenge, and I’m unstoppable! HA HA HA!

(As Edd and Keith prepare to fight Tord, the second part of the song begins)

Challenge-Edd, Part 2
Tord: Hello, old friends! Am I unexpected? Just came to crash your party! I’ll give you five fleeting seconds Run, or you’ll be deathly sorry!

Edd: Hey, you can’t just up and terrorize us We all thought you were gone! We can talk through why you despise us But first, get the heck off of my lawn!

Tord: While you lounged about like snails I made my plans to strike again! Sent the feds far off my trail By inventing TordVPN!

Keith: I got your back! I’ve stopped a lot of maniacs at home, you know! Leave it to me, everything’ll be Sunshine, lollipops…uh-oh…

Tord: Good news, Edd! I have changed my mind! Your stupid friend truly touched my heart! So try in vain to scatter, it doesn’t really matter ‘Cause I’ll be blowing you apart!

Edd: If you want a fight, it’s a fight I’ll bring! I’ve had it with your wanton destructive rage! Can’t punch for nothin’, but I like pressing buttons So I’ll press some arrows ‘til you've been upstaged!

Tord: Good, very good! Keep pressing buttons Don’t mind the missiles locking on! I’ll rejoice the killing, it’ll be so thrilling Once you both are dead and gone! Feast your eyes… On… Your demise!

Keith: (overlapping) I know that dudette broke your heart, But back then, you weren’t drawn so great! So get out of the robot, have another go, bet now you’ll find somebody else to date!

Tord: That’s so old, where’ve you been, man?

Edd: It’s all of us he’s seen, man…

Tord: I’ll show him some classic stuff! Let’s start with your blown-up face! Ha ha!

Keith: Do you really think we’re dumb enough to just stand here in place? Ha ha!

Tord: Dodge as you might, won’t give up the fight! This robot cost me years of work! So many prototypes, hours to code it right Show some respect, you cocky jerk!

Edd: (C’mon, have a soul…) Where’s the friend I knew? Seems all you ever do is sneak around and plan attacks! Doesn’t suit you well, I know we’ve been to hell But live like this and you’ll go back!

Tord: (Fire in the hole!) I don’t care, die! Done playin’ fair! Die! Die a thousand deaths, my dear old friends! You can’t dodge my full assault, so just accept your end!

Edd: (overlapping) Tord, this isn’t right!

Tord: Time to say goodnight!

Keith: (overlapping) Gotta leave ya hangin’, this song is bangin’ And it’s been a lot of fun But when you were busy, someone else got pissy And they’ve got a fully-loaded, aimed harpoon gun!

(Tom shoots a harpoon gun at the Tordbot)

Tord: (spoken) Oh no…

(The Tordbot explodes, sending Tord flying through the air)

Tom: (spoken) I told you the harpoon gun would be useful.

Matt: (spoken) Whew.

(The song finishes)

Edd: (sighs with relief) Thanks for helping out. It’s a good job Tom still had that thing in storage.

Keith: Hey, I got three rap battles for the price of one today. I should be thanking you.

Tom: You liked all of that? What a bloody madman…You know what? You’ll fit right in.

Edd: Hey, why don'tcha stick around for a while? I’m sure another dangerously wacky hijink'll start up any moment now!

Cherry: Thanks, but Keith and I will be leaving. If I don’t get some food, I'm gonna be the dangerous one.

Edd: Heh, I guess you can say your girlfriend’s got an…appetite for destruction.

(Everyone laughs at Edd’s slick pun)

Cherry: But seriously, Keith, never challenge people to a rap battle when I’m on a seriously empty stomach again. Got it?

Keith: Uh…okay. Let’s go find some place where we can get a jolly old English muffin. I kind of deserve one today, too.

(Keith and Cherry leave to find a muffin place, when suddenly, Edd, Tom, and Matt see Zanta Claws running up to them)

Zanta: Okay, guys, I made it…Where’s the blue-haired kid?

Tom: You just missed him.

Zanta: Oh, son of a…

Edd: Let’s just end this episode before things get ugly.

(Edd pulls a fade to black screen, ending the episode)