Dodger and The Greeks/Transcript

Oliver and Company: The Series

Dodger and The Greeks

Act I

(The episode opens at night. The camera pans across the Manhattan skyline and onto the houseboat. The gang are gathered around the TV watching a game show; Fagin is sitting on the armchair, with Dodger sitting on his lap. Rita, Francis, Tito and Einstein are sitting on the floor. Oliver is sitting between Francis and Rita.)

Game show host: (on TV) Alright, first question for $100 dollars. In which country would you find the Taj Mahal?

(One of the contestants, a red-headed man in a yellow shirt, buzzes in.)

Game show host: David?

David (contestant): India.

Game show host: Correct! $100. Next question for...

(Francis turns to Dodger.)

Francis: Forgive me old friend, but how do you watch this?

Dodger: Hey, anything beats watching your tiresome and precious Shakespeare!

Oliver: Good one, Dodger!

(The two slap five. Francis rolls his eyes.)

Francis: You have no taste.

(Outside, something moves across the deck of the houseboat. Dodger jumps down off Fagin's lap and goes to investigate, Oliver follows. The two end up on the deck.)

Dodger: Hello? Is somebody there?

Oliver: Must have just been a raccoon.

Dodger: (sarcastically) Right, because I see tons of raccoons hanging around here. Let's go--

(The two head back. Before they get back inside, their path is blocked by a large, intimidating Anatolian shepherd with a stern expression and sporting a washed-out red scarf; he has two scars running across his left eye.)

Shepherd: Stop! You're coming with me. Dodger.

Dodger: OK, first thing, how do you know my name?

Oliver: (siding to Dodger) What's going on?

Dodger: Beats me. Look, if the gang ask, tell them I've been kidnapped by a crazy stray dog who somehow knows me.

Oliver: (Beat) Sure.

(Dodger heads off with the shepherd, taking one last look back at the houseboat before he goes.)

Dodger: (to himself) I sure hope I don't regret this.

(The scene shifts to the streets of Queens. Dodger looks around, taking in his surroundings. He notices a Greek restaurant with the sign "Joe's" in big blue and white letters.)

Dodger: Is this Astoria? I mean, the Greek restaurants here are to die for. Although...(no reply) Just trying to make small talk.

(The two enter an abandoned multistory parking lot, filled with graffiti and rusting cars. Dodger whistles. A group of stray dogs approach; one of them is a St. Bernard with a scarred left eye, flanked by a regal-looking Afghan hound. They are joined by an Italian greyhound wearing a backwards baseball cap, a wizened-looking Irish wolfhound with one black eye, two Labradors-one golden, and wearing a forward-facing baseball cap, the other black and with a blue Paisley neckerchief-and a proud-faced German shepherd. The shepherd joins the group.)

Dodger: Alright, where have ya dragged me too?

St. Bernard: (approaching) I take it you've met my second-in command Hercules. My name is Zeus. (addressing the other dogs) This is Hera, Apollo, Ulysses, Hermes, Achilles and Athena.

Dodger: And I take it you're named after...?

Zeus: (gives a hearty laugh) We are the Greeks!

Dodger: I figured that. So, you live here? I mean, I live on a houseboat so I can't really...

Hercules: I'm sorry for the rude awakening, but we welcome you to our gang.

Dodger: A welcoming committee? Well this is unexpected!

Athena: Well, we thought we'd make you feel at home.

(Hermes approaches with a takeout bag and places it at Dodger's feet.)

Dodger: I think I'm gonna like it here!

(Cut to the streets of Brooklyn, later that night. A Jack Russell cowers before the shadows of two larger dogs. We see the owner of the shadows; they are a pair of fierce-looking Dobermans; the first has a notched right ear and a black spiked collar, the other is wearing an eyepatch and a blood-red neckerchief.)

Doberman #1: I want you to send a message to the other strays; these streets belong to us.

(The Jack Russell nods and takes off.)

Doberman #2': And especially that arrogant little rat Dodger.

(They both flash a wicked grin. Cut to commercial break.)

Act II

(The parking lot, later that night. Zeus is standing on top of a rusting Volkswagen, addressing the rest of the Greeks; Dodger listens intently.)

Zeus: My fellow Greeks! We are all in grave danger. We are under attack from Caesar and Nero, an evil pair of dogs if ever there was one. But fear not, as we can and we will stop them! (howls; the other Greeks follow suit.)

Dodger: (notices Zeus and Ulysses talking) So, Zeus, Ulysses. How bad can this Caesar and Nero be? I've met worse.

Ulysses: They're a pair of Dobermans.

(Dodger soon goes completely still. His expression is that of total horror.)

Dodger: Did you just say Dobermans?

Ulysses: Yes.

Dodger: Would they by any chance be related to Roscoe and DeSoto?

Zeus: I can't say I've heard of them.

Dodger: Zeus, those guys were bad news. They terrorized me and my gang for years. I can remember the first time I met them.

(Flashback. The colors look slightly washed-out and a caption reads "Two years ago". Roscoe and DeSoto enter the houseboat with expressions of complete contempt on their faces. Dodger squares off against them.)

Roscoe: I wouldn't fight back if I were you, Dodger. Ya flea-bitten mutt.

DeSoto: I honestly don't know why ya live here in this dump. (turns to Rita) Especially you Rita. Hanging around a bunch of filthy strays like these. (to Dodger) Like you, Dodger. You're just some nasty little stray that nobody wants. I doubt even your own mother would want you.

Dodger: You--! (charges forward but Francis blocks his path.)

(The sound of a car horn. Roscoe and DeSoto look towards the stairs.)

Roscoe: That's our master, Sykes. Let's bounce.

(The two exit. The gang scowl at them. End of flashback.)

Ulysses: I take it you weren't exactly acquainted to them.

Dodger: That's one way to put it.

Zeus: Regardless, it's a chance we've got to take. To defend our home.

(Achilles comes running in, flanked by Hermes.)

Achilles: Zeus, it's bad news!

Zeus: What?

Hermes: Achilles and I were out in Bay Ridge.

Achilles: And Caesar and Nero were roughin' up another stray!

Zeus: What?

Hermes: It gets worse. They're coming and they're coming for Dodger!

Dodger: My day just keeps getting worse, doesn't it?

Hercules: (sarcastically) You're not that bright, are ya, Dodge?

(Dodger shoots him a glare.)

Hercules: My bad. (backs off)

Dodger: If it's a fight Caesar and Nero want, then it's a fight they'll get.

(The Greeks all howl in unison. Dodger stares into the camera with a confident look on his face. Cut to commercial break.)

Act III

(The streets of Astoria. Dodger, Zeus and Hercules wait outside a Chinese takeout.)

Dodger: So, where are Caesar and Nero, huh? Bet they ran off scared.

(Silence. Dodger turns to walk away.)

Dodger: Well, they didn't show, so I guess...

(As he continues, he runs into Caesar and Nero, who block his path.)

Hercules: Speak of the devil.

Caesar: Hello, Dodger. (chuckles)

Dodger: Let me guess, what do ya want? Revenge for your old men?

Nero: Wow. For someone who's so streetwise, you have the memory of a goldfish!