Beavis and Butt-Head Do Atlantis/Transcript

Transcript
MTV Entertainment Studios

Paramount Pictures

(A great earthquake created a tsunami as well as a opening in the Earth, and the two combined caused Atlantis to sink. The merfolk rescued as many citizens as they could by turning them into others. The bubbles show Beavis and Butt-Head Do Atlantis.)

9,000 years later, Highland High School.

(Beavis and Butt-Head are in Gym Class, learning about safe sex.)

Coach Buzzcut: Alright, morons! We're gonna talk about safe sex. That's right, safe sex. The safest sex that anyone of you idiots can have is no sex.

Beavis: What about masturbation?

Coach Buzzcut: I'm pretty sure you already know enough about masturbation.

Beavis: How does that pervert know what I do?

Butt-Head: Ehhhh, probably like, 'cause he's a pervert. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Oh yeah. Heh heh.

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh.

African-American Student: *raises his hand* Is this really necessary?

Coach Buzzcut: It is a requirement. Which makes it necessary.

Butt-Head: What's masturbation? Can you, like, show us?

Coach Buzzcut: I'm not falling for that one again! Anyway, to have safe sex, you must use a condom.

Butt-Head: Uh huh huh. He said condom. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh.

Coach Buzzcut: I hate teenagers... Don't have sex, and if you do, use a condom. Dismissed!

Van Driessen's class

Van Driessen: Mkay class, I'm going to teach about ancient civilizations. There are so many interesting ones, but my favorite is Atlantis. Now some people don't believe it exists, but there is a lot of evidence to suggest that it does.

Butt-Head: At least there is talking about masturbation. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Yeah yeah, um, if I like spank my monkey in the girls bathroom, they will notice.

Butt-Head: No one wants to see you spank your monkey.

Van Driessen: There's a lot of theories about Atlantis. Some people think that was simply an old city that sank, while others believe it is currently thriving and inhabiated by merpeople.

Butt-Head: You mean like mermaids and stuff?

Van Driessen: Exactly.

Butt-Head: Mermaids are hot.

Beavis: Oh yeah. Seashell bras!

Van Driessen: We have a special guest speaker who is a expert on Atlantis. I like to introduce Dr. Horace Slotnick.

Dr. Slotnick: *walks in the classroom*

Beavis: Whore-ass. Heh heh.

Dr. Slotnick: Oh yes, Atlantis is very real. It's not just a sunken city, it is a underwater metropolis ruled to this very day by merfolk who do their best to keep it hidden from the rest of the world.

Butt-Head: This dude's a nutjob. Talking about cities run by mermaids. Let me guess, her best friend's a crab. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh.

Dr. Slotnick: I have decaded my life to find the entrance to Atlantis. I just came back from my 27th expedetion.

Butt-Head: Uhhh, so you never found it? How did you know it's there? Do you go to the North Pole to look for Santa Claus too? Uh huh huh.

Dr. Slotnick: Don't be ridiculous. There's no such thing as Santa Claus.

Beavis: Who do you, um, believe in?

Dr. Slotnick: I believe in Atlantis.

Butt-Head: You're a loser. Uh huh huh.

Beavis: Heh heh. Yeah yeah, loser! Heh heh.

Dr. Slotnick: You can keep your comments to yourself. Other people may want to hear what I had to share. Ahem. Atlantis has been known since ancient times. Even the Greek philosopher Socrates spoke of the ancient city. Atlantis is not just a legend, it is a very real place hidden beneath the depths of the sea. It is believed to be a great utopia and home to the merfolk.

Butt-Head: So, like, where is it?

Dr. Slotnick: I've told you, under the ocean.

Butt-Head: But where?

Dr. Slotnick: We're still trying to find it, but we know it's there. It's real!

Butt-Head: *looks at Beavis* Theories suck.