Kite Man Hell Yeah (New Age)/Issue 1

Transcript
The issue begins at a dark and stormy night as Kite Man is monologuing on a building.


 * Kite Man: Happy Harbor. A city that apparently has no notable superheroes. So this must be the perfect place to have a criminal upbringing. And the best thing is there are no heroes to stop me. Hell yeah.

He goes to rob a bank as suddenly, Horatio Strong has came to stop him.


 * Kite Man: Who the hell are you?
 * Horatio: I am Horatio Strong! One of Happy Harbor's many protectors!
 * Kite Man: Many?!
 * Horatio: This is the city of no notable heroes. Not no heroes! Now let me eat some Sauncha then I'll kick your ass!

Kite Man starts to run as Horatio groans and flies, chasing after him. Kite Man then notices a phone booth and hides in it as Horatio grabs and shakes it.


 * Horatio: Who you kiddin', Kite Man hiding from me in a phone boo-

He suddenly drops to the ground and starts spazzing.


 * Kite Man: What the hell?
 * Horatio: Sauncha overdose... help me!
 * Kite Man: Screw this!

He flies off as Horatio keeps spazzing.


 * Horatio: Kite Man! I will find you! And I will kill you!

It cuts to a bar as Kite Man is drinking. Suddenly, the news turns on as it is about Horatio Strong.


 * News Reporter (on TV): The father of a Red Lobster manager is in the hospital because of an overdose. Due to that, the manager decided to have a sale so that he can pay for his father's medical bills.
 * Kite Man: What?! They didn't mention that he was a hero or anything?!

Suddenly a woman in a black dress turns to him.


 * Granite Janet: It's because Happy Harbor doesn't give a shit about heroes or villains in their city.
 * Kite Man: Why don't they?
 * Granite Janet: Because they have the biggest tourist trap that ever existed. The Hall of Justice.
 * Kite Man: Miss, whatever your name is, I have an idea!
 * Granite Janet: It's Janet and don't tell me you're gonna-
 * Both Kite Man and Granite Janet: Blow up the Hall of Justice.
 * Granite Janet: How are you going to defeat one of the multiple Justice League teams when you blow it up?
 * Kite Man: That's a future problem! Are you in?
 * Granite Janet: I-I-I guess.