Adventure Time: Awakening/Transcript

(Warner Bros. Pictures, Warner Animation Group, Cartoon Network Movies, Frederator Films, Access Entertainment, and Jerry Bruckheimer Films logos start. After the logos, we see Michael Bay who reads a magazine while he smokes out of his electronic cigarette.)

Michael Bay: Hello, and welcome to Adventure Time: Awakening. My name's Michael Bay and I'm the director and producer of this movie. Let me go over the instructions before the movie starts. Please, silence your cell phones and discontinue texting. Nobody wants to spoil the movie, so no talking. After the movie, please put the trash in the garbage and the exits are around you. The film's also PG-13 and it also marks the first Warner Bros. Animated movie to be rated PG-13. The movie contains language, sexual situations, and a partial nude image. Okay, that is, uh, silence your phones, no spoiling the movie, and throw away the trash. I guess the instructions help out after all. And one more thing, no smoking allowed. Enjoy the movie.

(The scene fades out and in to the desert canyon and the credits say "Warner Bros. Pictures presents", "in association with Cartoon Network Movies and Frederator Films" and "in association with Access Entertainment and Dune Entertainment". The text says "Badlands, The Land of Ooo. Three years after the Gum War.", and we see Tiffany Oiler who looks through his microscopic eye and he turns around and walks to Dr. Gross.)

Tiffany Oiler: Dr. Gross, it looks like we found them. Finn and Jake did this to us.

Dr. Gross: Oh, they did, but I don't know why you're suddenly so against me, Tiffany. So this is how it's gonna be like... (A rock misses her and Tiffany then she yelps) Who's there?

(They turn around and see Bandit Princess, Ash, Ricardio, Samantha, Me-Mow, Pete Sassafras, Sir Slicer and Peace Master.)

Bandit Princess: You pathetic waste of human robot shit. I'd kill you right now if I didn't value my own life.

Dr. Gross: Who are you?

Bandit Princess: I'm Bandit Princess, and this is Ash, Ricardio, Samantha, Me-Mow, Pete, Sir Slicer and Peace Master. So, you think we're all bunch of ignorant, stubborn cowards? Well, you thought wrong. And I got some great news to tell.

Dr. Gross: Oh, this is exciting.

Bandit Princess: Patience St. Pim is still alive.

Dr. Gross: Patience St. Pim, huh? Well, she's the ice elemental, but we'll take that as a yes. Come on, Tiffany. We're gonna find Patience St. Pim.

Bandit Princess: Perfect. I got myself a deal, and it's been done.

Dr. Gross: So how do we find her exactly?

Bandit Princess: It's easy. We got teleporters.

Dr. Gross: Wow. That's... really incredible, but I think we'd like that.

Ash: Good. Now we'd better find her.

(Dr. Gross, Bandit Princess, Tiffany Oiler, Ash, Ricardio, Sir Slicer, Peace Master, Me-Mow and Pete teleport to the Ice Kingdom. The scene cuts to Land of Ooo and the text says "The Ice Kingdom". They arrive here and they find Patience St. Pim. Dr. Gross discovers Patience St. Pim and walks to her.)

Dr. Gross: There she is. She's still alive and she's frozen in her hibernation. (She cracks the egg then Patience St. Pim falls, groans and wakes up) Well, hello, ice girl. (Grins and chuckles evilly)

(The scene fades out and in to the black screen while the title fades in and says "Adventure Time: Awakening". After the title, the scene fades in to Finn's new house and text says "New house of Finn Mertens. Today is the 20th birthday of Finn." In Finn's room, he sleeps and the song plays "All Out of Love" by Air Supply as an alarm. Finn wakes up, yawns, walks to the bathroom and he takes a shower while "All Out of Love" still plays on the background. He turns off the shower, dries his body, brushes his hair and teeth, and he washes his face and hands. He texts Huntress Wizard and walks to Jake then the song fades.)

Finn: Hey, Jake. Good morning.

Jake: (He wakes up and yawns) Oh. Good morning, Finn.

Finn: You know what today is, right?

Jake: Really? What is it?

Finn: Today's my 20th birthday.

Jake: Really?

Finn: Yes. I'm 20 years old.

Jake: Wow. That's nice. Happy birthday. Let's see if I could round up the guests, if you know what I'm talking about. (Chuckles)

Finn: Oh, yeah. I knew that. Anyway, I'll call Huntress Wizard if she can help me find my... What happened? (Looks at his missing arm) Oh. Where the hell's my arm?

(At Huntress Wizard's castle, she hears her phone ringing, wakes up and answers Finn.)

Huntress Wizard: Hello?

Finn: (On phone) Hi. Huntress Wizard, it's me, Finn Mertens. And today's my 20th birthday.

Huntress Wizard: Oh, that's awesome. Happy birthday.

Finn: Thanks. Listen, I know what happened.

Huntress Wizard: Really? What is it? What's wrong?

Finn: I actually lost my arm.

Huntress Wizard: (Gasps) Oh, my poor boyfriend. Your arm's gone. And your arm's been bitten off by Golb.

Finn: I know. It's actually painful. And I missed Fern so much. I wish I could see him again.

Huntress Wizard: I know. Fern was usually your best friend. You planted him there after the treehouse was destroyed.

Finn: Look, I need you to help me find my arm. I don't know where it is.

Huntress Wizard: No problem. I'll find your arm, but I thankfully have the metal detector. Let's do this.

Finn: Okay. I love you, Huntress Wizard.

Huntress Wizard: Love you, too, honey. Let's find your arm.

(They end the call. The scene cuts to Finn and Huntress Wizard who find his arm while the song plays "No Problem" by Olivia Olson and Kendrick Lamar. Huntress Wizard uses the metal detector to search for Finn's arm. The metal detector beeps and she discovers his bionic arm.)

Huntress Wizard: I found your arm.

Finn: Really? Oh, thank God. It's here. (He takes his bionic arm and sighs relievedly) Finally. But apparently, it has two fingers, now it needs two more fingers.

Huntress Wizard: Huh. You're right. Good idea. It should probably need two more fingers.

Finn: Let's go to Candy Kingdom and tell Bubblegum if she could add two more fingers on my arm with the help of Aunt Lolly.

(At the Candy Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum works on her latest experiment with Aunt Lolly.)

Aunt Lolly: You know what an experiment means? It means when you create something out of everything else.

Princess Bubblegum: Did you say "everything?"

Aunt Lolly: Yes, everything.

Princess Bubblegum: I knew that.

(Finn and Huntress Wizard enter her lab.)

Aunt Lolly: Hey, Finn. What'd you find?

Finn: This. (Shows Bubblegum and Lolly his bionic arm) Huntress Wizard and I found it when we had the Great Gum War. It was actually weird.

Aunt Lolly: Oh. I see. Golb bit it off. So, it needs two more fingers, right?

Finn: Yes.

Aunt Lolly: All right, let's add it two more.

Princess Bubblegum: Let's see here. (Puts two fingers on his bionic arm) There. That should do it.

Finn: All right. Let's see if it still works. (He puts his bionic arm on his right arm and moves) Wow. It works. I'm finally... I'm actually better now. (Chuckles)

Huntress Wizard: I... I don't understand why. His arm actually moves and it still works.

Finn: Thanks.

Princess Bubblegum: You're welcome.

Finn: Anyway, I think I'm 20 years old, so who's up for the wedding between me and Huntress Wizard?

Minerva: I think I'm up for your wedding with Huntress Wizard.

Finn: Oh. Hi, Mom.

Minerva: Hey, Finn. What'd you find?

Finn: My bionic arm.

Minerva: Oh, I see. It was bitten off by Golb during the Gum War. And now you just found it with Huntress Wizard.

Huntress Wizard: Of course we did. By the way, it's a pleasure to meet you.

Minerva: Of course it is.

Finn: What if we call... Flame Princess? Or even better. Talk to Flame Princess.

Minerva: You know what? That sounds like a great idea if we could go to the Fire Kingdom.

Finn: Yes. (Sniffles and clears throat) Jesus Christ, I wish I could marry Flame Princess.

Huntress Wizard: Of course you could, Finn. You could marry Flame Princess. Fern might come back. Your future might live for survival.

Finn: What did you say? About my future? (He sighs and hugs Huntress Wizard) You're right. You should've married Fern. I should've married Flame Princess.

(Scene cuts to Martin who wakes up while in bed. He walks out of bed, enters his ship and teleports to Ooo in the distant future. The scene cuts to Ooo in a thousand years and text says "Land of Ooo, 1000 years later..." as Shermy and Beth climb down from the tree after they pull out the Finn Sword.)

Shermy: Wow. The Finn Sword. That's incredible.

Beth: Of course it looks. That sword sure does work. I mean, I think Fern might...

(A wormhole appears as Martin's ship lands on the ground. The ship door opens and Martin walks and sees Shermy and Beth.)

Shermy: Who are you?

Martin: Martin Mertens. I'm from the past. Is Fern coming alive?

Beth: Yes, he is. (Fern comes alive) See? He's resurrected.

Fern: Hello, Marty. (Lands on the ground) I'm Fern.

Martin: Hey, Fern. Look, I need you, Shermy and Beth to come with me.

Shermy: Really?

Martin: Yes, really. I'll show you what Ooo looks like if we could travel back in time.

Shermy: I guess that sounds like fun, but okay. We'll go.

Martin: Awesome. Beth, you can change sizes, right?

Beth: Yes, actually. Here goes nothing. (Changes a size like Martin) Wow, I can change sizes.

Shermy: I knew that.

Martin: All right, let's go.

(They enter his ship as Martin starts the engine and flies back to the past. The scene cuts to Ooo in a thousand years earlier and the text says "1000 years earlier..." as the wormhole opens and Martin's ship lands on the tree. The ship door opens and then Martin, Shermy, Beth and Fern walk out of his ship.)

Martin: Well, here we are. This is where my son planted you there.

Fern: Of course he did. This is where I could meet him as a reunion.

Martin: Well, maybe you could meet my son. I just wish I could see my wife again.

Shermy: Of course, Martin. You could see your son.

Beth: I can't wait to see Jake for the first time.

Shermy: Oh, yeah. I think I could see Finn for the first time.

Fern: I think we'll have a celebration if the timeline never changes.

Martin: All right, let's go, go, go.

(They run to see Finn and Jake. The scene freezes and the camera pans back from the computer screen as Dr. Gross looks at Martin, Shermy, Fern and Beth.)

Dr. Gross: Ah, yes. Look at them. Shermy and Beth. They're from the future.

Patience St. Pim: And why was Martin traveling through time and then back again?

Dr. Gross: Martin Mertens. So he thinks he's actually a hider? It matters not.

Sir Slicer: I've never met Shermy and Beth before.

Patience St. Pim: By the way, why'd you find me?

Dr. Gross: Because we found you.

Patience St. Pim: Oh, I see that. Thanks for finding me. It was... actually cool. Although, your body looks robotic. And as for you, Bandit Princess, you ran away from that monster because you're a coward.

Bandit Princess: Look, Patience, I think being a coward isn't what you'd expect because you probably missed us all.

(Patience St. Pim kicks Bandit Princess in the head and strangles her angrily to the sack of hatchlings.)

Patience St. Pim: You are so despicable.

Bandit Princess: (Choking) Hatchlings. Careful, they're fragile.

Patience St. Pim: Even in death, there is no command, but mine.

(An egg spills out a chicken-bee hatchling while it shrieks then Patience St. Pim throws Bandit Princess and walks to Dr. Gross while Bandit Princess coughs.)

Patience St. Pim: Dr. Gross, I failed deep this time. The counter-spell was a failure. And now, I have to do it again.

Dr. Gross: Oh, you have something new to do, Patience St. Pim. The counter-spell would've been a total success. Its spells can luckily be powerful without a trace.

Patience St. Pim: How is that possible?

Dr. Gross: It's possible because you're the ice princess. And now, collect them again. So you and the princesses can unlock your true potential.

Patience St. Pim: Oh, yes. (Sinisterly) That's really sweet if I could brainwash them again. The counter-spell might work again without interruptions. (Cracks her knuckles) Me-Mow, come. We've got job to do.

Me-Mow: Right away.

(They walk. Dr. Gross lays on the floor and drinks a jug of milk then she begins to laugh maniacally while the song plays "Gangsta" by Nicki Minaj. The scene cuts to the Fire Kingdom as Flame Princess sits on the throne after the song. The door knocks.)

Flame Princess: Come in.

(The door creaks open as Flame Princess walks out the door and sees Finn who shows her his bionic arm.)

Flame Princess: Oh. Wow. I've never seen a bionic arm before, Jesus Christ. Hey, Finn. How's it... Hey, you're getting tall. Would you like to talk to me?

Finn: Yes, actually. A long time ago, I fought Susan back at the beach. Something did it really painful. The swords transformed into... Fern. I did something really weird. I've been transformed into... fire.

Flame Princess: Huh. No wonder he's been turned into fire. I mean, yeah. You really missed Fern so much. We all missed him. Anyway, would you like to have a test?

Finn: Yes, I'd like that.

Flame Princess: All right, then.

(The scene cuts to Flame Princess who makes a mug of gasoline for Finn at the lamp.)

Flame Princess: All right, Finn. There's a mug of gasoline.

Finn: Thanks, Phoebe. (Drinks a whole mug) Ah, that hits the spot. I guess I'll transform into fire.

Flame Princess: That's the spirit. All right, just concentrate and you'll transform into fire.

Finn: Okay. I'll do my best.

Flame Princess: Very good. Now, let's give it a shot. Here we go. (Presses the button)

(Microphone feedback squeals as Finn screams in agony while his fire form disorients.)

Flame Princess: Finn, what's happening in there? Finn, are you all right?

(Finn continues to scream and disorient then Flame Princess shuts it down. She walks to Finn who groans in pain.)

Flame Princess: Finn, look at me. Hey, look at me. You feeling better now?

Finn: Yeah, that was weird.

Flame Princess: I know how weird it was. Just take a deep breath, all right? (Finn takes a deep breath) There you go. That wasn't that bad, was it?

Finn: No, it wasn't. (Her phone chimes) What is it?

Flame Princess: It's my phone. (Looks at a message from Patience St. Pim) "Hey, Phoebe, whatcha workin' on?" Huh. That's a weird message.

Finn: Who's it from?

Flame Princess: Patience St. Pim. And you usually remember her, right?

Finn: Yes, I do remember her.

Flame Princess: Wow. You're absolutely right. Fire isn't the element of violence. It's just the element of all our primeval instincts. Like conquest, dominance and lust.

Finn: Really?

Flame Princess: Yes. I heard that you could marry me.

Finn: Oh. I know that. Phoebe, I just want to say that I'm sorry we broke up a long time ago. I'm truly, truly sorry. Cinnamon Bun had his chance. I love you so much.

Flame Princess: Oh, Finn. If only there was someone out there who loved you, then it's me. Of course you love me. I didn't mean to break up from a long time ago. And you know what? You're damn right. Cinnamon Bun had his chance. And now, we'll be married together.

Finn: Aw, thanks, Phoebe. Anyway, I think we'd better go if... (Sees his dad) Dad?

Martin: Hi, son.

Finn: Dad, are you okay?

Martin: Yeah. (Chuckles) You know, your bionic arm's been found with the help of Huntress Wizard. And look, there's someone who'd like to meet you.

Shermy: Hey, Finn. I'm Shermy.

Finn: Oh. Hi, Shermy.

Beth: Hi, Finn. I'm Beth.

Shermy: Do you remember Fern?

Finn: Yes, I remember him now.

Shermy: Then you'll meet him.

Fern: Hey, Finn.

Finn: Fern! (He runs and happily hugs him) Oh, it's so good to see you. I missed you.

Fern: Of course you missed me.

Minerva: Finn? Is everything all right? (Sees Martin and gasps) Who's that?

Finn: I think I know who it is. Dad, scan your hand.

Martin: Um, okay. Hmm. (He puts his hand on the screen then Minerva scans his DNA)

Minerva: It is you. Oh, my God, I can't believe you're alive. You're also back. My beautiful husband Marty! Oh, you got so big. And, look at you, you have a beard. Oh, hey, Shermy. Hey, Beth. And who's that?

Fern: Oh. Hi, Minerva. I'm Fern.

Minerva: Oh, so you're Fern the Human. Or should I call you Fern Mertens?

Fern: I like that name.

Minerva: Very good.

Jake: Hey, Finn, who's that? (Sees Beth)

Beth: Hi, Jake.

Jake: Beth? What the hell are you doing here?

Beth: Well, Shermy and I came here to see you.

Jake: Oh, that's cool.

Princess Bubblegum: Huh. Maybe that's why a reunion really helps out.

Aunt Lolly: You know, that's actually more thoughtful than... somebody else.

Huntress Wizard: Oh, yeah.

Fern: Hi, Huntress.

Huntress Wizard: Oh, hey, Fern. It's so good to have you back.

Finn: Anyway, we'd better see what Simon and Marceline's up to.

Flame Princess: All right.

Flame King: Phoebe, wait! Um, didn't you let me out of the lamp?

Flame Princess: Oh. Right, I should've let him out of the lamp. All right, I'll let him go. (Lets Flame King go)

Flame King: Wow. Thanks, Phoebe. I almost lost my kingdom for a second there.

(They walk to Marceline's house. Patience St. Pim and Me-Mow see Flame Princess and Princess Bubblegum.)

Patience St. Pim: (Uses a walkie-talkie) Dr. Gross, it's Patience St. Pim and Me-Mow. And we found Princess Bubblegum and Phoebe the Flame Princess.

Dr. Gross: (Over radio) Good. And there's also Slime Princess.

Patience St. Pim: Oh, right. I'll brainwash Slime Princess. (Sees Flame Lord) Ah, so you're Don John the Flame Lord.

Flame Lord: What? Oh, uh, yes, I'm Don John the Flame Lord.

Patience St. Pim: So, you wanna join Dr. Gross?

Flame Lord: Yes.

(At the Slime Kingdom, Slime Princess becomes a DJ while Toronto reads a magazine and listens to dance music on headphones. Patience St. Pim sneaks behind Slime Princess and brainwashes her.)

Patience St. Pim: (Softly) Yes. One down, two to go.

(Slime Princess follows Patience St. Pim to Marceline's house. Toronto looks around, sees Patience St. Pim who closes the door, stutters in shock and uses his teleportation device to teleport Susan and Frieda's bayou. The scene cuts to Susan and Frieda ready to travel to Ooo on their seaplane at the dock of their bayou.)

Susan: Frieda, looks like the seaplane's ready. We're ready to travel to Ooo.

Frieda: Yep, we really are. By the way, we'll see Finn again.

Susan: Uh-huh. It's gonna be a reunion.

Frieda: Ooh. I'm excited. Hang on real quick. I'm gonna chug. (Chugs down a root beer)

Susan: You wouldn't lie to me. (Frieda nods) You wouldn't lie to me, are you serious?

Frieda: No, I wouldn't lie to you.

Susan: That's great. That's really... (Whooping)

Frieda: That's the reaction I was really looking for.

Susan: (In singsong voice) Two, four, six, eight! Who do we appreciate? Yo dat ass! Yo-yo-yo-yo dat ass! (In normal voice) Yeah. (Frieda chuckles) Let's go to Ooo if I could make sure I packed all our stuff for our trip.

(Toronto appears behind Susan and Frieda.)

Toronto: 'Sup, girls?

Frieda: Oh, shit!

Toronto: Oh, someone's in their white clothes! Uh-oh, a small gay girl sex. Susan? Frieda? Can you hear me, you dumb bitches? Hello?

Frieda: Are you Toronto?

Toronto: Yes, I am.

Frieda: Hi, I'm Frieda. You know, when you appear out of nowhere with your teleportation device, I can still hear you from me and Susan. So I don't appreciate dumb bitch.

Toronto: (Chuckles halfheartedly) Sorry. My mistake.

Frieda: It's all right. So, aren't you the servant of the King of Ooo?

Toronto: Well... (Sighs) I used to be.

Susan: Oh. Right. Anyway, I'm Susan. And I'm a Seeker.

Toronto: Oh. Hi, Susan.

Susan: I was thinking that Frieda and I travel to Ooo on a seaplane if you wanna come.

Toronto: Oh. I think I'd like that.

Susan: Very good. Let's go to Ooo.

Toronto: Awesome.

(Toronto, Susan and Frieda enter their seaplane. Susan starts the seaplane and sets a course for Ooo. Ducard comes out of the tree after he turns back time and goes after his mother, Marceline.)

Ducard: Thanks to Simon Petrikov's Fionna and Cake ideas, it's my turn to do something crazy. A world where both the Land of Ooo and Aaa are one.

(The scene cuts to Marceline's house as Marceline sits on the couch next to Simon.)

Marceline: Thanks for coming to my house, Simon.

Simon: My pleasure, Marcy.

(Door knocks.)

Marceline: It's open.

(Finn opens the door and he enters her house with his parents and friends.)

Marceline: Hey, Finn. What'd you find?

Finn: My robot arm.

Marceline: Wow. Your arm though. You found it.

Simon: I think you... You're right. Who's that?

Shermy: Hey, Simon. I'm Shermy. This is Beth.

Beth: Hey.

Shermy: That's Fern.

Fern: Hi, Simon.

Simon: Oh. Hey, Fern.

Minerva: Are you Simon Petrikov?

Simon: Yes.

Minerva: Oh. Right. Anyway, I'm Dr. Minerva. This is my husband Marty and my son Finn.

Martin: Hello.

Simon: Oh, hi, Marty.

Minerva: When we moved to Ooo, I set up a baby monitor in Finn's room.

(His father and friends feel shocked then Finn chuckles embarrassedly.)

Martin: Oh. I knew that.

Huntress Wizard: I'm hopefully right that Finn's all grown up.

Flame King: Geez. Can't leave these babies alone for a second.

Finn: Oh, come on. It wasn't that... (His eyes glow red then stop) Hungry.

(Finn walks to her refrigerator, opens it, and eats a whole bag of frozen tater tots.)

Marceline: Is he hungry? Finn, you could... Are you okay? Finn, what are you doing?

(Finn finds a turkey leg and begins to eat it. He makes a low growling sound, has a seizure, goes to her bathroom and throws up in her toilet. He groans.)

Finn: What is wrong with me?

Marceline: Finn, are you drunk?

Finn: No, I'm not drunk. (He washes his face and sighs until his face becomes flammable)

Fire Elemental Finn: (Deep voice) Finn.

(Finn shrieks, falls to her bathtub, groans and sleeps unconsciously.)

Marceline: Finn, wake up.

Finn: (Wakes up and his face becomes normal) Ugh. That was really weird.

Marceline: How weird?

Finn: I'm hearing a voice in my head.

Marceline: You are?

Finn: Yes. I'm transformed into fire.

Marceline: Oh, damn.

Finn: By the way, did your mother leave you?

Marceline: What? You knew my mom?

Finn: Yes. See? That's the picture of you and your mother. (Shows Marceline the picture of her as a child and her mother)

Marceline: (Gasps and takes the picture, softly) Mom.

Finn: You remember her, right?

Marceline: Yes. I remember her. It was a long, long time ago. And I missed her so much.

Finn: Of course you missed her.

Marceline: I just wish I could see her again.

Hunson: Marceline, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost.

Marceline: You're not far off, dad. (Shows him the picture of his wife)

Hunson: Great Scott. It's my wife. Then it's true. All of it. It's my wife who got killed.

Marceline: It's not gonna happen, dad. We're gonna find my mom and we're gonna bring her back to life.

Hunson: You're right. We must find her.

(At the abandoned city, Marceline and Hunson find the skeleton of her mother.)

Hunson: Are you sure we're looking for your mother?

Marceline: Yes, I'm sure this is where we find her.

Hunson: Huh. Maybe this should've been a reunion.

Marceline: Oh. Right, the reunion.

Hunson: You know, that's actually wonderful if reunion's the best idea.

Marceline: Well, this is it.

Hunson: Oh. I guess we found the skeleton of your mother. (Discovers the skeleton of his wife) There you are, my love. You're coming home with us.

(At the Candy Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum checks Finn's body from the X-ray while the text says "Some time later...".)

Princess Bubblegum: Incredible. I've never seen fire before. Apparently, you have a parasite. That's what happens when you drink gasoline. And please, don't drink that. You'll be flammable.

Finn: Don't worry, Bonnie. I won't be flammable.

Aunt Lolly: See? That's what happens when you transform into fire.

Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, that's what happened when you transformed.

Finn: Look, I think so, LSP.

(Fionna and Cake see Finn who talks to Princess Bubblegum, Aunt Lolly and Lumpy Space Princess.)

Fionna: (Softly) Wow. That looks like me but as a man with a bionic arm. (Smells his bionic arm)

Finn: Huh? What the... Fionna and Cake?

Fionna: He knows us? You're in the Land of Aaa?

Finn: Well, duh, you're in the Land of Ooo.

Fionna: Wait, what? He brought it?

(The scene cuts to the living room in Finn's new house as Finn and his family talk to Fionna and her friends.)

Finn: So, basically, I think our worlds have been connected in some way.

Lady Rainicorn: And you're just like me, but you have a face of a horse.

Lord Monochromicorn: Uh-huh. I think I have a face of a horse now.

Flame Princess: So, I became a queen, my father was a selfish king and a bad parent. He belonged in that lamp and now he's a good parent.

Flame Prince: Yeah, your dad sucks balls. He should've fought me once like Don John the Flame Lord.

Flame Princess: Wait, you know him?

Flame King: Seriously?

Flame Prince: No offense, Your Majesty.

Flame King: Ah.

Fionna: (In her thought) Oh, God, he's got a girlfriend and they're together again.

Prince Gumball: You know, your science career is the same as mine. And, basically I think I'll marry Princess Bubblegum.

Aunt Lolly: Yes, you're the prince. Of course you'll marry her.

Prince Gumball: Thanks, Aunt Lolly.

Aunt Lolly: You're welcome.

Princess Bubblegum: So, you're not gonna overthrow my kingdom?

Prince Gumball: What? Oh, Glob, no.

Marshall Lee: You know what's really nice, Bonnie? Going out on a date if you know what I mean.

Aunt Lolly: You know what? You're right. You'll marry her.

Prince Gumball: Oh. That's what I thought. I'll just wait for Marceline.

Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, we'll just wait for her to come back.

Cake: So, you have the stretching abilities like mine and you know how to become a shapeshifter.

Jake: Yep. I think so.

Cake: Wow.

Peppermint Butler: So, you're made from butterscotch? That's... really nice.

Butterscotch Butler: Yes, I'm made from butterscotch. And maybe you'll fall in love with me.

Peppermint Butler: Oh, right.

Huntress Wizard: So, I think someone did it.

Finn: Oh, geez. Huntress Wizard, you think someone conjoined Ooo and Aaa?

Huntress Wizard: Well, I doubt it. I bet this'll just be the best idea if someone did that.

(An explosive crashes as an RV appears out of nowhere and parks at the front door. The scene cuts to an RV at the front door while the song plays "Back in Black" by AC/DC.)

Heavy: Wow, it was long trip. (Opens the RV door)

Soldier: Move your ass, Sputnik! (Kicks Heavy's ass)

Heavy: (Grunts) Shit!

Soldier: (Comes out of the RV) Hmm. This is a good location for the vacation. Everyone's here. Scout, Heavy, Medic, Demoman, Pyro, Sniper, Engineer, Spy, Miss Pauling, and me.

Scout: Oh, there's the front door.

Soldier: Good thinking, Scout.

Sniper: All right. Time to see who's in the house.

(Scout opens the door and sees Finn and his family who talk to Fionna and her friends)

Soldier: Wow. Now that's a good location I was talking about.

Finn: (Sees the characters from Team Fortress 2) Oh. Hello. Who the hell are you?

Soldier: We're the characters of Team Fortress 2.

Finn: Greetings, and welcome to the Land of Ooo.

Sniper: Hello, mate. Are you 20 years old?

Finn: Yes, I'm 20 years old and today's my 20th birthday.

Sniper: Wow. Congratulations, Finn. And now that's a good birthday right there.

Spy: Don't get too excited, Sniper. I was talking to him. Happy birthday, Finn.

Finn: Thanks, Spy.

Spy: You're welcome.

Pyro: (Muffled) Hello, Finn. I'm Pyro, the mumbling flamethrower. And today's your 20th birthday, right?

Finn: Yes.

Pyro: Oh, that's cool.

Engineer: So, you're actually good at science, while I'm good at enginnering.

Princess Bubblegum: Yes.

Engineer: Wow.

Demoman: I'm Demoman, and I'm Scottish and I drink whiskey.

Aunt Lolly: (Needle scratches record) Whiskey? Who the dicksauce needs to drink whiskey?

Demoman: I do.

Spy: Demoman, you shouldn't drink whiskey, but here's what I have that you don't. Tater tots, pepperoni pizza, mint chip ice cream, and even a can of Yoo-hoo chocolate.

Demoman: (Sips a can of Yoo-hoo chocolate from a straw) Thanks, mate! (Puts his thumb up and the song resumes)

Medic: Hello, Finn. I'm Medic and I can do anything medically.

Finn: Wow. You're hired.

Medic: Thanks.

(A door opens as Marceline and Hunson enter his house while he carries his wife's skeleton after the song fades.)

Hunson: Is there a doctor in the house?

Medic: Yes, I'm a doctor.

Hunson: Really? You're a doctor?

Medic: Yes, I'm usually from Germany and I can speak German. Your wife's a skeleton. I need to heal her. Pronto.

Hunson: Roger that, Medic. (Puts his wife's skeleton on the table)

Medic: All right. I hope this works. (He brings Marceline's mother back to life) It's working.

Marceline's Mom: (Wakes up) Where am I? What happened? (to Marceline and Hunson) Who are you?

Marceline: I'm Marceline, and this is Hunson Abadeer, my father. Are you my...

Marceline's Mom: It is you. Oh, my God, I can't believe it's you two. You brought me back to life. Oh, you're old, Marceline. Look at you, you got a neck bite.

Medic: Are you okay?

Marceline's Mom: Oh, yes. Sorry. I'm actually too excited.

Marceline: What happened to you, Mom?

Marceline's Mom: You've been a vampire for a thousand years. When you got out of the bunker, you went out there looking for me. But minutes went by. You were crying until you met Simon Petrikov. He would later be known as the Ice King. When you conquer a vampire, you staked it. As for years, you met Jo the Bunny Girl. When you fought the Vampire King on the boat, you've been bitten and became a vampire. Until then, you met Princess Bubblegum, and then what? (Gasps) You actually kissed her. I think you'd better kiss a man, right, Marcy?

Marceline: You're right, Mom. I should've kissed a man. By the way, are you naked?

Marceline's Mom: (Sees herself naked, yelps and hides) Finn, get me some clothes.

(Meanwhile, Marceline's mom wears clothes.)

Marceline's Mom: That's believable. I'm wearing clothes that are the same.

Fern: Yep. Since you...

Marceline's Mom: Who's that?

Finn: It's Fern.

Fern: Hi, Mrs. Abadeer. I'm Fern.

Marceline's Mom: Oh. It's good to see you, Fern. And please, call me Marion.

Finn: Marion. I like that name.

Hunson: Marion. Of course. That must be my wife's name. And it was a long, long time ago.

Marion: Yes, I'm Marion. And... I'm sorry that whatever happens a long, long time ago. I am truly, truly so much. I love you so much.

Finn: Aw, that's nice.

Miss Pauling: I guess he apologized to her.

Fire Elemental Finn: Don't open the door.

Finn: What?

Fire Elemental Finn: You heard me.

(The door knocks as Finn goes to the doorhole, sees nothing, opens the door then Patience St. Pim, Me-Mow and Peace Master enter his house.)

Patience St. Pim: Hello, Finn. You remember me, don't you?

Finn: Yes.

Me-Mow: I'm gonna need Flame Princess and Princess Bubblegum.

Peace Master: And you're gonna have to come with us.

Finn: Oh. Uh... (Puts his hands up in the air)

Fire Elemental Finn: What are you doing?

Finn: I'm putting my hands up in the air.

Fire Elemental Finn: (Finn puts his hands down) You are making us all look bad.

Finn: (Straining) No, I am not. (Puts his hands up again)

Fire Elemental Finn: (Finn puts his hands down again) Yes, you are.

Finn: (Puts his hands up again) No, I'm not.

Fire Elemental Finn: (Finn puts his hands down again) Yes, you are!

Patience St. Pim: Silence! (Brainwashes Princess Bubblegum and Flame Princess)

Finn: No!

Fire Elemental Finn: Fine. I will take care of this myself. (Punches Patience St. Pim)

Finn: Oops. (Fire Elemental Finn fights Me-Mow and Peace Master then he grabs Patience St. Pim by the neck) I'm so sorry about your friends. (His arm turns into fire and punches Patience St. Pim in the ear) What is that?

Fire Elemental Finn: Not "what," who?

(Finn continues to fight Me-Mow and Peace Master. Peace Master tries to punch Finn, but Finn grabs Peace Master by the arm, twists it around, and throws it to the floor after Peace Master screams then he defeats Me-Mow by knocking her down.)

Fire Elemental Finn: Outstanding. Now, let's bite their heads off for an appetite.

Finn: Why would we do that? (Me-Mow groans and stands up then Fire Elemental Finn knocks her down again) Oh, shit. Let's run to the Candy Kingdom!

(Finn and his family run out of his house to the Candy Kingdom. Patience St. Pim wakes up, sees them run to the forest, grunts with frustration and uses her walkie-talkie.)

Patience St. Pim: Finn and his family are escaping, but I still have two elemental princesses.

Dr. Gross: (Over radio) Very good, Patience. Now bring those princesses to your room. And save Finn, Minerva, Frieda, Martin and Kara for me.

Patience St. Pim: Yes, doc. I'll save them for you. Launch the chicken-bees.

(The hatch opens as 12 chicken-bees fly to Finn and his family. The scene cuts to Finn and his family who still run to the Candy Kingdom. The chicken-bees appear from the sky as they try to attack them, but Huntress Wizard traps one chicken-bee. Two chicken-bees fly to Finn then Huntress Wizard traps two of them.)

Fire Elemental Finn: Duck. (Finn yelps and ducks as Huntress Wizard traps the fourth chicken-bee)

Finn: (Sighs in relief) Thanks.

Fire Elemental Finn: You are welcome.

(The fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth chicken-bees appear as they try to capture Finn, but Huntress Wizard traps them. Finn yells as the ninth chicken-bee tries to attack him then Huntress Wizard traps it. They enter the Candy Kingdom and the text says "The Candy Kingdom".)

Dr. Gross: (Breathlessly) That's beyond anything that we should've known better.

(Finn and his family run to Princess Bubblegum's laboratory as Finn sees the tenth chicken-bee.)

Finn: Oh, no, not chicken-bees again. (Chicken-bee shrieks as Fire Elemental Finn uses a net to trap the chicken-bee) What was that?

(The eleventh chicken-bee tries to capture Finn, but its head crashes into the wall. Finn sees the twelveth chicken-bee.)

Finn: Holy shit! (His fire arm smacks the twelveth chicken-bee) Incredible. I can do abilities.

(At Dr. Gross's lab, Dr. Gross uses the dispatch)

Dr. Gross: Patience, don't let them get away.

(The scene cuts to Patience St. Pim who talks to Dr. Gross on her walkie-talkie.)

Patience St. Pim: I've got him. All chicken-bees, move in.

(Outside the Candy Kingdom, four chicken-bees move into Princess Bubblegum's laboratory. The scene cuts to Finn who looks for jump shoes in her laboratory.)

Finn: (Mumbles) Gotta find jump shoes. (Discovers jump shoes) Yes. That should let me jump across the places everywhere. (Puts on jump shoes) Okay, let's do this.

(Finn runs out of her laboratory and jumps to the top of her castle. The scene cuts to Patience St. Pim and Me-Mow who see Finn jump to the top of Princess Bubblegum's castle.)

Patience St. Pim: What the hell?

(The scene cuts to Finn who makes it to the top of her castle then he sees four chicken-bees.)

Finn: Oh, yeah, we got more chicken-bees now. Where should I jump? Where should I jump?

Fire Elemental Finn: Hang on tight, Finn. This'll be fun.

Finn: Okay, I'll hang my clothes on tightly. (Jumps to the ground) Whoa! (Lands on the ground and jumps again while the song plays "Pretty Handsome Awkward" by The Used) Whoo! (Sees the wall) That's a dead-end!

Fire Elemental Finn: Not for us.

(Finn jumps high out of the wall of Candy Kingdom as Finn screams then he is followed by chicken-bees.)

Finn: Cool! I never owned jump shoes!

(Finn sets a course to the caves as Finn sees the trees, yelps then he jumps higher. Finn sees four chicken-bees and they have him surrounded.)

Finn: Oh, God, I'm surrounded!

Fire Elemental Finn: You are not surrounded, Finn! (Traps four chicken-bees then they fall to the ground)

Finn: Damn, that was really sweet, actually. I'm not gonna lie...

(Finn crashes into a tree, falls to the ground and groans in pain as the song stops. Patience St. Pim sees Finn on the ground and uses her walkie-talkie.)

Patience St. Pim: Dr. Gross, it's Patience. Finn just crashed into a tree and he's wearing jump shoes. I'll take him alive. (Finn lets out a strained groan then she walks to him) You're coming with me because you're a pain in my ass, Finn.

Finn: (Strained) Well, you know, I aim to please. (Grabs Patience St. Pim by the neck as he transforms into fire)

Fire Elemental Finn: Flames, fury, violence. So many things, so little time.

(Fire Elemental Finn tastes Patience St. Pim's face, tries to kill her, gets shot in the back by Peace Master, sees him, throws Patience St. Pim to the tree, bites Peace Master's head off after Peace Master screams, and runs to the caves. At the caves, Finn transforms back into himself.)

Finn: Whoa. That was incredible. I transformed into fire. What the hell's happening?

(Finn sits to the wall of Marceline's house then Fire Elemental Finn's face appears from Finn's bionic arm.)

Finn: (Softly) Who the hell are you?

Fire Elemental Finn: I am Fire Finn. And you are mine.

Finn: You bit Peace Master's head off because you killed Flambo.

Fire Finn: No, we killed Flambo. Listen carefully, Finn. You didn't find us, but you luckily transformed into fire. (Finn sighs) Think of yourself as my friend. We must kill Bandit Princess. You remember her.

Finn: How did you know about Bandit Princess?

Fire Finn: I know everything, Finn.

Finn: You do?

Fire Finn: Everything about you and your family. You drank a whole mug of gasoline. You are also a shithead. (Finn shivers)

Finn: Are you gonna let me marry somebody else?

Fire Finn: Absolutely.

Finn: Oh, my Glob.

Fire Finn: That's why we're actually here. Cooperate and you just might survive. That's exactly the deal.

(At the beach, Susan, Frieda and Toronto have arrived. Susan takes the keys off her seaplane. Susan, Frieda and Toronto come out of it and walk to the sand.)

Toronto: Well, here, we are. Welcome to the Land of Ooo.

Frieda: Wow. The Land of Ooo. That looks incredible. I wonder what Finn's up to?

Toronto: You're right. Let's find him. He's at the caves.

Frieda: Good to know.

(They run to the caves as Frieda's phone rings then she answers someone.)

Frieda: Hello?

Finn: (On phone) Hey, Frieda, it's me. Finn Mertens from Founders Island.

Frieda: Oh. Hey, Finn. I haven't seen you, but I saw you from that island. Are you 20 years old?

Finn: Yes, I'm 20 years old. And today's my 20th birthday.

Frieda: Wow. Happy birthday, Finn.

Finn: Thanks, Frieda. I transformed into fire and I'm wearing jump shoes that made me jump high like Superman.

Fire Finn: Yes, we jumped high like Superman.

Frieda: Who's that?

Finn: Fire Finn. And I have a parasite.

Frieda: Wow. I never seen your fire form. Jesus Christ. By the way, will I marry you?

Finn: You know what? I think I'd like that. I mean, I already got a date. Could you date Cinnamon Bun? He had his chance.

Frieda: Cinnamon Bun? Oh. Right. I'll do that.

(At Dr. Gross's lab, Dr. Gross looks at the body of decapitated Peace Master and talks to Patience St. Pim.)

Dr. Gross: What happened?

Patience St. Pim: Finn killed Peace Master. What happened?

Dr. Gross: Finn transformed into fire.

Patience St. Pim: We know where Finn is. Get all the villains down to Ooo. And bring Peace Master back to life. They'll finish him.

Bandit Princess: Finish him? Who do you think you're talking to? You presume to command my army? The Peace Master is dead! And there's seven of...

Patience St. Pim: (Angrily chokes Bandit Princess as she kneels to her) The army of yours... is mine.

Bandit Princess: (Choking) Long live the new leader.

(At Finn's house, Minerva and her family members set up Finn's 20th birthday surprise.)

Minerva: You know, Martin, you shouldn't leave the island.

Martin: Yes. And I'm sorry.

Minerva: It's all right. We'll wait for our son to come back.

(Door knocks. Minerva opens the door and sees Samantha. Samantha tranquilizes Minerva and Martin. The scene cuts to Fire Finn who runs to the top of the Fire Kingdom.)

Fire Finn: Hmm. It's peaceful up here.

Finn: You know I'm scared of heights.

Fire Finn: Your world looks incredible after all. I feel sorry to see the world shit itself into oblivion.

Finn: What does that mean?

(The feedback screeches as Fire Finn screams distortedly then Finn transforms back and slides down to the lava.)

Finn: Where'd you go? Where did you go?

(Finn screams then Marceline rescues Finn. Finn breathes heavily and sees her.)

Marceline: Hey, Finn.

Finn: Oh.

(In Flame Princess's room, Marceline and Finn enter through the door.)

Finn: Wow. We're in Flame Princess's room.

Fire Finn: Yes, we're in her room.

Finn: Yeah, well, you could always just shed my arm and exchange it for another one whenever you need.

Fire Finn: Why would I do that? You're far too good of a friendship to be friends really soon. Plus, I'm beginning to be your best friend. You and I aren't so different.

Finn: Thanks so much. (Writes a note and it says "Could I change my mind I have to date Frieda?") Okay. Here's your evidence. (Sighs slowly)

Fire Finn: The door.

Finn: Oh.

(The scene cuts to Finn who closes the door after he and Marceline comes out of her room.)

Fire Finn: Thanks for letting me know, bastard. (Marceline chuckles)

(Finn and Marceline walk to the throne room and see Ducard.)

Ducard: Hello, mother. I'm here to kill you and Bonnie.

Finn: What?

(Ducard tries to kill his mother then Finn transforms into Fire Finn and fights him. Ducard tries to attack Marceline then Fire Finn kicks him to the forest. At the forest, Ducard hits the tree and he groans then Fire Finn walks to him and Finn transforms back.)

Finn: Are you trying to kill my vampire friend as your mother? My name's Finn Mertens and I'm 20 years old. You might wanna talk about it because you're trying to kill her!

Ducard: (Sighs) The name's Ducard. I'm from the future. Just walk away.

Finn: Oh. So you're from the future. I have three questions then. One, is dubstep the best music? Two, which Transformers movie are we on? And three, at what point do the audience say "Enough with the killing people."?

(Ducard uses his sword as Finn transforms into Fire Finn and they duel each other. Fire Finn tries to choke him with his arm. Ducard scars Fire Finn's arm as he screams in pain. Fire Finn tries to kill Ducard, but he punches him to the ground then Finn transforms back.)

Ducard: Dubstep's for pussies.

Finn: You're so dark. Are you sure you're not from the Star Wars universe? I love dubstep!

(They fight each other while the song plays "Bangarang" by Skrillex until Ducard punches Finn to the tree and the song stops. Finn groans after his animal hat drops. Ducard cracks his knuckles and takes his animal hat.)

Finn: Did you dye your hair? I think you actually painted your hair with grafitti.

Ducard: Something to remember you by. (Wears his animal hat)

Finn: Give me that back. (Furiously) I wear that every day!

(Finn transforms into Fire Finn and fights Ducard while he flies as he takes his animal hat back then wears it and he growls.)

Fire Finn: I like the outcome where Marceline staked the Vampire King!

Ducard: Vampire King's not my father.

Fire Finn: (He stops flying) What?

Ducard: I said he's not my father. Why are you protecting your friend?

Fire Finn: Oh. I thought you never asked me! (Knocks Ducard down and roars)

(Ducard groans and tries to stand up. Fire Finn grabs Ducard and he is about to eat him.)

Finn: No! Don't eat Marceline's future son! (Frieda screams)

(Fire Finn and Ducard see Frieda as he puts him down. Frieda stammers then Finn transforms back.)

Finn: Frieda! Frieda, wait! Wait, please.

Frieda: What the hell is that?

Finn: It's not me. I've been infected.

Frieda: Finn, what's happening?

Finn: He's inside me.

Frieda: He?

Finn: Yes. I know it sounds really weird, but...

Frieda: You're sick. Finn, you're really sick.

Finn: No, I'm scared! (They pant) And I need help.

Frieda: You're right. Let's go home.

Finn: Listen, um, I know this may sound like fun.

Frieda: Of course it may. And you're 20 years old. Let's go, Finn.

Fire Finn: I like her. Go with her.

(They walk home with Ducard and Marceline.)

Ducard: Mother, I'm sorry I tried to kill you and Bonnie. I'm actually not a bad person. I should be a good person.

Marceline: Oh, Ducard. I accept your apology. And please, don't kill me and Bonnie, okay?

Ducard: Okay, mother. I promise you.

Frieda: Aw, that's nice.

Toronto: What? She accept your apology? I didn't know you actually apologized to her.

Ducard: Oh. Hey, Toronto. I'm Ducard.

Toronto: Hi, Ducard.

Finn: Did you conjoin Ooo and Aaa?

Ducard: (Stutters then sighs) Yes. I did this.

(Peace Master tranquilizes Ducard.)

Marceline: Ducard!

(Peace Master tranquilizes Marceline, Toronto and Frieda. Patience St. Pim walks to Finn.)

Patience St. Pim: I'm taking Lumpy Space Princess with me to Dr. Gross's lab.

Finn: Dr. Gross? I thought she was dead.

Patience St. Pim: Guess again, Finn.

Finn: So you mean...

Patience St. Pim: That's right. She's still alive. (Knocks Finn down with the bat)

(The scene fades to black then fades to Dr. Gross's dungeon. Finn sleeps on the floor, wakes up, groans and coughs. He sees his fire form in the glass coffin.)

Finn: You were killing me? What happened to "we," man? What happened to we? Yeah, look at you now, huh? Now you're dying, too. We're done.

Minerva: Hey, Finn.

Finn: Mom? What are you doing here?

Minerva: I've been tranquilized.

Finn: Oh. So we're tranquilized.

Susan: Hey, Finn.

Finn: Oh. Hey, Susan.

(Patience St. Pim walks to Finn and she brainwashes him and Lumpy Space Princess. They follow Patience St. Pim to the princesses. At the laboratory, Finn and Lumpy Space Princess see the princesses, Cinnamon Bun and Marceline.)

Patience St. Pim: Hello, princesses. Did you miss me?

Princess Bubblegum: Yes, we missed you.

(Dr. Gross and Tiffany appear from the door.)

Dr. Gross: Hello, Finn. You remember me, don't you?

Finn: Yes, I remember you. Please don't hurt me.

Dr. Gross: I won't hurt you. But you're responsible for leaving me behind. (Slaps Finn)

Finn: (Winces) That is so not pratical.

Patience St. Pim: Do I have your attention?

Finn: Yes, we have your attention.

Patience St. Pim: Do you remember the spell?

Flame Princess: What spell?

(Patience St. Pim shows the elemental spell.)

Patience St. Pim: The elemental spell, and you're all terrible princesses.

Marceline: No, this isn't on me, Patience.

Flame Princess: It wasn't our fault.

Lumpy Space Princess: It wasn't our idea.

Princess Bubblegum: We had nothing to do with that.

Patience St. Pim: Then what happened? Who did it, Bonnie?

Princess Bubblegum: We didn't mean it. Everyone was doing it. So we did too. But we were just joking. We made a mistake. But we're good princesses.

Patience St. Pim: Are you? Let's find out. Let's play a game! And the person is gonna die.

Slime Princess: Die? No, no, no. I mean, come on, I'm actually playing any of your shitty games?

Patience St. Pim: Yes, we're playing a game. The game is called "Never Have I Ever."

Flame Princess: Like the drinking game?

Patience St. Pim: Precisely. Everyone knows this game. Will someone explain the rules to the princesses?

Cinnamon Bun: What? Wait, how do you play?

Marceline: Why don't you explain it? It's your shitty game, Patience.

Princess Bubblegum: Wait a minute. Finn, how do you play?

Finn: Okay, you put your five fingers up, and then if you've done something, you have to put your finger down. (Gulps) That's how it works.

Patience St. Pim: But in this version, a person doesn't drink. A person dies.

Marceline: This is actually the dumbest thing.

Patience St. Pim: Is everyone ready to play?

Princess Bubblegum: What? Why are you... Why?

Flame Princess: (Crying) I'm gonna lose.

Patience St. Pim: You know why, Bonnie.

Finn: Are we doing this?

Flame Princess: I don't wanna play.

Patience St. Pim: You wanna die, Phoebe?

Flame Princess: No.

Finn: Put your hands up. Five fingers up! Please put your five fingers up!

(Finn, the princesses, Marceline and Cinnamon Bun put five fingers up.)

Patience St. Pim: Very good. Never have I ever kissed Princess Bubblegum.

Finn: Who did that?

Flame Princess: It really wasn't me.

Finn: Fine, okay, it was me and Marceline. (Bell dings and he and Marceline put their thumb down)

Slime Princess: What? You said it was someone else.

Marceline: Okay, we lied, all right? (Princess Bubblegum exclaims) It's not like there's not some kind of truth in there!

Princess Bubblegum: Marceline, why would you do that? Why are you doing this to me?

Marceline: Bonnie, it's not my fault! You're the one who's like, "I may have a concussion." All that shit.

Finn: Don't do it to us, Patience.

Patience St. Pim: Never have I ever sang "Let Me Call You Sweetheart."

Slime Princess: It really wasn't me.

Lumpy Space Princess: It was one of you guys.

Finn: LSP, stop it! Just stop brainwashing people, Patience!

Flame Princess: You know how much trouble I got in for that goddamn shit.

Princess Bubblegum: I'm sorry, it was me, okay? (Bell dings and she puts her thumb down) I sang that song, and it happened, and I didn't know how to tell you. I'm sorry, Phoebe.

Flame Princess: Oh. That's fine.

Cinnamon Bun: Great friend, Bonnie.

Princess Bubblegum: I have apologized. She hasn't apologize for singing the song about that. That's not true, by the way.

Finn: Hey, we're keeping together on this. Stop it.

Patience St. Pim: Never have I ever made friends with Flame Princess.

Cinnamon Bun: That was me. Easy. (Bell dings and he puts his thumb down) It was years ago. I made friends with her, I didn't kiss her, nothing happened.

Finn: That's fine.

Patience St. Pim: Never have I ever let me fail deep.

Cinnamon Bun: What? No, no, please tell me he's lying, Marceline Abadeer.

Marceline: Come on, it wasn't me, okay?

Lumpy Space Princess: (Dings the bell) Hey, it was me. It was me, Patience.

Patience St. Pim: (Gasps) It was you?

Lumpy Space Princess: Yes. I'm sorry.

Patience St. Pim: What? Why?

Lumpy Space Princess: What do you mean, "What? Why?" Does it really matter, Patience?

Patience St. Pim: Yeah, it does to me, LSP! You let me fail deep when I tried again in a thousand years! I almost had a clue! Dr. Gross also found me at the Ice Kingdom!

Finn: Hey, it was gonna be both of us, or one of us and I would do the same shit for LSP.

Patience St. Pim: Let me take a rap, huh?

Flame Princess: Hey, it doesn't matter!

Finn: It doesn't matter, exactly! It doesn't matter!

Patience St. Pim: Oh, my lovely hero, Finn. My hero.

Flame Princess: Hey, knock it off!

Patience St. Pim: (Clears throat) Never have I ever made Finn lose his arm.

Finn: It was my dad.

Slime Princess: (Scoffs) Of course it was. He made you lose your arm from Citadel after you turned the Lich into a baby.

Flame Princess: Oh, yeah, listen to that Finn again 'cause that keeps working out so damn well.

Patience St. Pim: Oh, yeah? Well, guess what? I got this one. New question. Never have I ever sang "Bonbon Ballad."

Flame Princess: What? (Timer counts down from ninty seconds) Guys, are you serious?

Finn: None of us did that. We wouldn't do that.

Cinnamon Bun: Finn?

Finn: What?

Cinnamon Bun: Finn, did you do that?

Finn: No!

Princess Bubblegum: How do we know?

Marceline: Hey, it wasn't him. It's not him.

Finn: I... We wouldn't do that.

Cinnamon Bun: Put down a finger and we'll see.

Flame Princess: He already said it! Stop pushing him!

Cinnamon Bun: Yeah, I heard him say that! He always tells the truth, Phoebe?

Flame Princess: Yes, yes!

Cinnamon Bun: Oh, he does? He always tells the truth? 'Cause you always tell the truth, right, Finn? You always tell the truth.

(Timer still counts down then Princess Bubblegum sighs deeply.)

Princess Bubblegum: Fine, it was me. (Bell dings then she puts her finger down)

Marceline: Bonnie, Jesus!

Finn: You crazy bitch! You're a goddamn crazy bitch, you know that?

Princess Bubblegum: Come on, stop calling me that!

Finn: I'm just nothing to you, Bonnie.

Princess Bubblegum: Oh, stop it! He said if I could sing both of the songs even that one with Marceline. I was trying to call you and your friends sweetheart.

(They talk at once.)

Slime Princess: I hate you! (Crying) I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, Finn!

Finn: 'Cause you girls are all so really perfect, right? Right?

Flame Princess: Wait, wait, wait! Guys, guys, guys!

Patience St. Pim: Do I have your attention? (Finn, Marceline, Cinnamon Bun and the princesses nod) Very good. So, why don't you just lay off? I have another new question for you all. Easy one. So here's a new one. (Inhales deeply) Never have I ever kissed Finn. Let's set the timer to 45 seconds. (Timer counts down from 45 seconds)

Finn: Why are you doing this?

Patience St. Pim: (Swipes a Twinkie) Oop! There goes one Twinkie. Hey, Phoebe, you only need to eat one Twinkie, not 10.

Flame Princess: I don't eat 'em.

Patience St. Pim: Oh, okay. Whoa. Hey, that's weird the timer's still going. Hey, Finn, why's my timer still going?

Finn: What are you doing, Patience?

Patience St. Pim: Tick-tock, the round ain't over. Someone hasn't answered. Hello?

Flame Princess: Okay, fine, it was me. (Bell dings then she puts her thumb down) I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Finn. I'm deeply sorry.

Finn: What do you mean?

Patience St. Pim: All right, then. New question. Never have I ever made love to Flame Princess.

Finn: What are you doing, Patience?!

Patience St. Pim: There. You happy, Finn?

Flame Princess: What are you doing? Is she serious?

Cinnamon Bun: Phoebe, I'm so sorry!

Flame Princess: What?

Finn: Are you serious? Is she telling the truth?

Cinnamon Bun: It was an accident. I'm sorry. Phoebe and I are friends. I loved her and I'm sorry, Finn.

Finn: You loved my girlfriend? It was an accident? Oh, my God! Oh, my God. Why would you do that? Why? I don't understand. Why?

Cinnamon Bun: Why are you doing this?

Patience St. Pim: 'Cause we're still playing the game.

Finn: Come on, don't do it to us, Patience. That's vengeance.

Patience St. Pim: But, hey, it doesn't matter, remember, Finn? It really doesn't matter.

Flame Princess: It does matter. It does matter, because... (The song plays "How You Lie, Lie, Lie" by Pharrell Williams)

Finn: We really might all die, but we're better than you, you crazy bitch!

Flame Princess: Guys, stop. Guys, please stop.

(They argue until they stop.)

Turtle Princess: Any other guy I liked treated me like this.

Finn: I'm really gonna win this game. I'm gonna win this game. Never... Never have I ever... Everyone's hands up! We're still playing! We're still playing here! Never have I ever brainwashed the princesses!

Cinnamon Bun: Come on, Finn! It's not what you think!

Patience St. Pim: Hey, it was me. My finger's down. (Puts her finger down) So that's why you wanna play?

Finn: Yes, that's how I'd like to play.

Cinnamon Bun: Come on, let's stop.

Finn: Stop talking to me. I don't wanna hear from you, shit. Piece of shit.

Flame Princess: Please don't call him that. Stop calling him that.

Finn: How many guys, huh? How many guys?

Flame Princess: No more, I swear! Do you think he's a shit? Are you kidding me?

Finn: Oh, you swear? Like you swore you love me?

Flame Princess: (Gasps) No! Finn, I love you!

Patience St. Pim: Perfect Flame Princess.

Flame Princess: You don't... It only mattered for, like, a second.

Patience St. Pim: Of course, it did, Phoebe!

Finn: Why would you tell me, Patience? Why would you tell me that? That doesn't make shit better.

Flame Princess: I'm sorry, baby. I don't even know what else to say. I'm sorry.

Finn: Never... Never have I ever forced Ice King to collect the princesses.

Flame Princess: Come on, you can't tell her that. Let's all just...

Finn: Oh, it's 4! It's 4!

Patience St. Pim: Okay, fine, it was me. (Puts her thumb down)

Cinnamon Bun: Why are you doing that?

Finn: Fuck you! You just took my girlfriend and you took her for yourself!

Cinnamon Bun: I'm sorry. It wasn't like that, Finn. It wasn't like that!

Finn: Oh, it wasn't? It wasn't like that?

Cinnamon Bun: No, it wasn't! It actually wasn't!

(Patience St. Pim shows Finn, Marceline, Cinnamon Bun and the princesses the video of Flame Princess and Cinnamon Bun after the song stops.)

Flame Princess: Why is this happening? Why are you showing this? Finn, don't watch. Just don't watch, okay? Don't read into her shit, okay? Don't watch! Finn, it didn't... Baby, it didn't mean anything. I love you. Stop watching. Look at me, Finn. Finn, look at me! (Crying) I didn't mean it.

Cinnamon Bun: We were together, Finn, okay? It was my idea.

Finn: Oh, come on! You had your chance and now she's mine.

Patience St. Pim: Who's ready for a bonus round?

Finn: I don't know.

Cinnamon Bun: Okay, fine. I'm ready for a bonus round. You know that? I'm ready for a bonus round! Come on over! Now, I'm gonna kill your ass! I'm gonna... (Printer whirs and he takes the note) It's the printer.

Finn: What's that?

Marceline: Is that a note? What's it say?

Cinnamon Bun: It says I'm not supposed to tell you what it says.

Marceline: Oh, come on, CB, don't do this to us! Don't do this to us! Please don't do this to us!

Flame Princess: What's it say? (Printer whirs again and she wears gloves takes another note)

Finn: Tell us right now, you piece of shit. You had your chance. I really told you I loved you. You took her.

Cinnamon Bun: Oh, Finn. You're never gonna find out, okay? So get your narrow, bitch-slapped head around that, you know that?

Marceline: What's it say?

Flame Princess: (Breathing shakily) I can't.

Cinnamon Bun: Damn.

Flame Princess: I can't do it. I just can't!

Finn: You can't? Oh, Phoebe and Bun Bun with another shitty secret.

Flame Princess: No, no, no. No. It's not like that, Finn.

Cinnamon Bun: It's not like that, Finn, okay?

Finn: You know what? I'm done. I'm out of here.

Flame Princess: No, no, no! She'll kill you! She'll kill you! Stop it!

Finn: All right, I'll stay here. Hey, if you're gonna kill someone else, you're gonna have to kill someone else!

Flame Princess: No! Stop, Finn, all right? Let's all just stop. Just calm down, everybody. Just calm down. Finn, it's okay. I'm sorry. I can't tell you.

Finn: Phoebe, look at me. Look at me. You have one minute. Say what you want.

Flame Princess: All right, all right, all right. We met up to see one more time if it was a fight or something.

Finn: Where was it?

Cinnamon Bun: It was at the Fire Kingdom.

Finn: You shut up!

Flame Princess: Bun Bun, just let me talk to him. Let me talk to him.

Finn: Where was it? When?

Flame Princess: It was three years ago right before you went back home, okay? We just... I turned into a dragon, and then I was transformed into a candy. It didn't... It didn't...

Cinnamon Bun: She's not lying, Finn.

Finn: Shut the hell up!

Flame Princess: Bun Bun. (Shushing)

Finn: Did he just kiss you? Did he kiss you on the lips?

Flame Princess: He didn't kiss me, Finn. He didn't kiss me.

Finn: Okay. Now show me the paper.

Flame Princess: You don't want me to show you the paper.

Finn: No, I do, Phoebe. Show me the paper.

Flame Princess: No, Finn, why are you doing this?

Finn: No more shitty secrets! Phoebe, I'm not joking around. Show me the paper. Or I leave!

Flame Princess: No, no, no! Please don't leave me! You gotta understand...

Finn: That's it, Phoebe! Show me the paper! I'm not kidding around here! Show me that paper!

Cinnamon Bun: Finn! Sit the hell... Come back here, Finn! Finn! Finn, come back here now!

Marceline: What are you... No, no, no! (Shows Finn the paper where it says "If you reveal this paper, Cinnamon Bun dies.") Oh, my God!

(Patience St. Pim kills Cinnamon Bun by shooting him in the eye and he dies.)

Flame Princess: (Screams) No! No! No! (Whimpering) Bun Bun! (Marceline sobs) You fucking bitch! (Crying) You killed him!

Finn: (Crying) I'm sorry, Phoebe. I don't know what I've done.

(The wall crashes as Medic and Scout enter then Medic brings Cinnamon Bun back to life.)

Cinnamon Bun: Thanks, Doc.

Scout: Come on! Let's get the hell out of here!

(Finn, Marceline, Cinnamon Bun, Scout, Medic and the princesses escape.)

Tiffany: Really? They're escaping to his house? What the hell does that make?