Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers: The Brave Little Toaster Trilogy/Transcripts/The Brave Little Toaster

(Song: Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers Theme Song)

♪ Sometimes some crimes ♪

♪ Go slippin' through the cracks ♪

♪ But these two gumshoes ♪

♪ Are pickin' up the slack ♪

♪ There's no case too big, no case too small ♪

♪ When you need help, just call ♪

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale's ♪

♪ Rescue Rangers ♪

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪

♪ When there's danger ♪

♪ No, no, it never fails ♪

♪ 'Cause once they're involved ♪

♪ Somehow whatever's wrong gets solved ♪

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪

♪ Rescue Rangers ♪

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪

♪ When there's danger ♪

♪ No, no, it never fails ♪

♪ They'll take the clues ♪

♪ And find the wheres and whys and whos ♪

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪

♪ Rescue Rangers ♪

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪

♪ When there's danger ♪

♪ Ch-Ch-Ch-Chip 'n Dale ♪

Chip: Keep your eyes peeled, men, Rob's things should be there.

Dale: Yeah, Rob is taking some old stuff to the dorm instead of new stuff.

Radio: [turns on] Good Morning, good morning, good morning! That was a-billion-and-one strings playing one of your all-time favorite tunes! At the top of the news this morning, there's monkey business in Utah. Oh, seriously, now. It seems that a band of renegade chimpanzees have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles and are demanding---

Lampy: What's the big idea? I'm attempting to sleep!

Radio: I doing a broadcasting. Do you mind? (Lampy turns on the light on Chip and Dale and Radio) Whoa, not in the face! Uh, the chimps are protesting...

Lampy: I've got a mind to reset your alarm... permanently!

Radio: Sorry, folks. We're experiencing technical difficulty... but it's nothing we can't handle! Whoa! This just in. Domestic violence erupts in peaceful cottage! We'll keep you post... (Lampy turns off Radio.)

Lampy: Whew! Can't hear your own thoughts with all the racket. (Radio pushes Lampy off the bed.) Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking? You might have broken my bulb!

Radio: I'm thinking you think too much. We need wake-up music.

♪So when it's raining♪ #

♪Have no regrets♪ #

♪Because it isn't raining♪

♪rain you know ♪#

♪It's raining violets♪♪ ##

I'll track you to the end of this carpet. Come here. I'm going to get you. Wait till I fix your speaker! Rusetti picks it up and throws. Cepeda tags, he heads for second. Wait till I get my plugs on you! The crowd goes wild. Can you believe those Brooklyn Dodgers! I've got you. I've got you now. Ha, ha, ha.

Lampy: Hey, come over here. I'm gonna---

Radio: Why, do you dare to cross foils with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Haven't you the slightest idea who you're dealing with?

Lampy: Precisely. A total... idiot!

Radio: If your saber wags as loosely as your Norman tongue, you'll be run through in an instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley!

[Radio continually whacks Lampy with his antenna, Blanky falls on them]

Radio: A blow for Richard! A blow for Marian! A blow for Mario, the garbage man! And for Carl, and all the boys at the delicatessen! And here's one for the guys on 5th Street!

Lampy: Hey! No!

Kirby: [accidentally sucks up Blanky] Oh, whoa! Oh, no, what?!

Lampy: [stops the battle.] Hey, what's goin' on? What's goin' on? Who turned out the lights?

Toaster: [smiling] Good morning, everyone.

Blanky: [smiling] Good morning, Toaster.

Radio: [appearing from under Blanky] Hey, Slots.

Lampy: [appearing from under Blanky] Salutations.

Kirby: Umph! (the others help Kirby) Thanks.

Blanky: Who are you guys?

Dale: We're the Rescue Rangers!

Radio: What's on our lineup today?

Lampy: What are our instructions?

Kirby: What do you mean "what are we gonna do today"? The same thing we've done for the last 2,000 days: chores!

Blanky: Chores?

Toaster: It'll be fun.

Radio: Fun? I'm always up for fun! Listen, a broadcast from Ebbets Field! It's the top of the ninth...

Lampy: I don't understand how chores could be fun.

Kirby: Not supposed to be fun. It's work!

Blanky: I don't like to work without the Master.

Toaster: Well, okay. If you don't want to work, why don't we play a game? -

Radio: A game? What sort of game? -

Lampy: What are the rules?

Toaster: There's only one rule. You can't stop till the house is clean.

Others: Boo!

Radio: Gotcha, pal. Leave it to me. Hang on to your hats, you devil dogs... because the master bebop blaster... is gonna give you a soul injection.

[Tutti Fruiti plays]

Toaster: Hey, shhh. Quiet! It's the blanket!

(record needle scratches)

Dale: What's going on?

Blanky: A car. -

Toaster: A car? -

Others: A car!

All right, fellows, steady. A little to the left. Careful. - I'm gonna fall. - Keep climbing. You, get that light out of my eyes! All right, a little to the left. To the right! There you go. A little to the middle. I don't know which direction the middle is in. - Can you see? - Is it him? Any news? I'm dying down here. Is it the Master? It's him. He's back! It's the Master! Blanky! Master! Blanky! Was it him? I'm just curious. I hate being left in the dark. I guess we can assume that it wasn't him. Let's get back to work. Sorry for that interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program... at this time.

[Blanky bawls after realizing the Master hasn't returned]

Kirby: [annoyed upon hearing Blanky crying] Rrrhhh! Cry, cry, weep, wail and sob! It's disgusting! Every time! I can't believe it! Every single-- Give me that stupid picture! [tries to suck in Rob’s picture frame]

Blanky: No, no!

Toaster: I'll just put it away!

Kirby: In the garbage! [Radio and Lampy help him]

Blanky: No, you can't!

Kirby: Wimp!

Toaster: [annoyed] Let go!

Kirby: He's not coming back anyway.

Lampy: He might. The fact is, there's Just not enough facts.

Radio: Fight breaks out in the peaceful mountain cottage. The shocking world, and bringing Geneva Talks to a grinding halt!

Blanky: Stop it!

Chip: Somebody switch him off!

Kirby: Let me have it.

Blanky: You can't!

[the picture of Rob, their Master, flies through the air and crashes; Blanky gasps in shock]

Kirby: [shocked] Oh, no.

[The Rangers and the appliances go toward the broken photo stand of Rob; suddenly cold air breezes through the cottage, and Air Conditioner laughs ironically]

Toaster: What are you laughing at?

Air Conditioner: [stops laughing and smirks] Absolutely nothin', nothin' at all.

Lampy: I think he was laughin' at us.

Air Conditioner: You know somethin', you're a real bright little lamp.

Lampy: Oh, thanks. [offended] Hey!

Air Conditioner: You guys really have an attachment for that kid, don't ya?

Blanky: Yes. He was our master.

Air Conditioner: Well, that's real nice. And any day now, he might come rompin' back, huh? Just come whistlin' right back in through that door, and everything'll be the same; Real peachy-keen-like.

Blanky: Uh-huh.

Lampy: It's a possibility.

Toaster: Well, at least, we try to be optimistic.

Air Conditioner: "Optimistic"?! Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord!

Kirby: [angrily] Why don't you just shut off?!

Air Conditioner: Hey, I'm real scared there, Kirby. What are you gonna do, suck me to death?

Kirby: Hmph!

Air Conditioner: What is it with you guys, anyway? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Now, get this through your chrome; [blows a gust of cold wind at the Rangers and the appliances] We've been dumped! Abandoned!

Blanky: But he loved us.

Radio: That's right.

Air Conditioner: So what? He's a kid; He has a family. They move away, he moves away. It's a package deal.

Toaster: But, maybe they're all--

Air Conditioner: [interrupts Toaster] He's not comin back, pure and simple.

Kirby: [to Air Conditioner] Oh, yeah? Did you talk to him recently or somethin'? They could drive up any second.

Blanky: [to Kirby] You really think so?

Kirby: [to Blanky] I'm not talkin' to you!

Air Conditioner: The whole bunch of ya gotta have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap-metal time.

Toaster: Well, you can do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope.

Air Conditioner: [sarcastically] That's real touchin', Toaster. You're gonna get me bawlin' like a baby any time now.

Toaster: I think you're jealous.

Air Conditioner: Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits.

Lampy: [angrily] "Dim"?!

Toaster: Yeah. Because the Master never played with you.

Kirby: 'Cause you're stuck in the wall!

Air Conditioner: [blows cold air; angrily] So... it's back to that stupid static again. You think I don't know what's goin' on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy, and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just 'cause you can move around, you think you're better than I am. I'M NOT AN INVALID; I WAS DESIGNED TO STICK IN A WALL!! I LIKE BEIN' STUCK IN THIS STUPID WALL!! I can't help it if the kid was TOO SHORT TO REACH MY DIALS!!

Toaster: We didn't mean it! Really!

Air Conditioner: [roaring] IT'S MY FUNCTION!!! [He begins glowing in red-shift and then bright burst orange and sparks fly out of his mouth and on the Rangers and the appliances providing cover for themselves from the sparks]

Toaster: Don't! Wait! Wait!

[The Rangers and the appliances run away as Air Conditioner overheats]

Kirby: [alarmed] HE'S GONNA BLOW!

Toaster: YANK YOUR CORDS!

[Blanky, Radio and Lampy pull out their plugs from two outlets and take cover]

Kirby: [behind chair] THE FUSE!

Toaster: KIRBY!

[Air Conditioner continues to rage until he finally explodes. Toaster and Lampy carefully peek from behind the stairs and the appliances see the Air Conditioner's blown up remains.]

Blanky: Poor Air Conditioner.

Toaster: I didn't know he'd take it so hard.

Kirby: Well, he was a jerk anyway.

Lampy: Hey, hey. What's that? What is it?

[revving is heard]

Blanky: [happily] A car!

Kirby: [angrily] I don't want to hear another word about cars!

Toaster: [agreeing with Kirby] You said it.

Radio: Sound pretty close.

Kirby: Just don't even start!

Lampy: Sounds real close.

[pauses for a few seconds, and when they the Master is gonna pick them up, and then go hides. But then, they hear a hammer, and look out the window to see a “For Sale” sign; Blanky looks shocked. Radio hums with Taps, Blanky bawls and falls to the floor, Lampy moaning sadly]

Chip and Toaster: [angrily] STOP IT!

[scenes cut to jumps on the box and stand on top]

Toaster: We’re going out to find him!

Radio, Lampy, Kirby, and Blanky: WHAT?!

Kirby: What are you talking about? What do you mean?

Toaster: Exactly what it I said. We’re gonna go out and find the master.

Blanky: [scared] To the city?

Toaster: Yeah, no matter what.

Lampy: Well, how exactly would you propose we’re gonna do that, exactly?

Toaster: I-- I don’t know!

Kirby: Oh, come off it. Be serious!

Toaster: I am serious!

Kirby: You’re insane. [backs away]

Radio: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved.

[pauses they look at each other]

Toaster: [confused] What?

Radio: Or maybe it was basset hound.

Kirby: You’re all insane!

Radio: It was a news flash I picked up yesterday about a dog. [country accent] In an amazing show of loyalty and courage, a terrier name Grover traveled hundred of miles... to be reunited with his owner. The poor little critter was accidentally left behind on a fishing trip three weeks ago. He had to find his way across the rugged mountain and scorching desserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup.

Toaster: If the dog can do it, we can do it!

Blanky: But a dog has legs.

Toaster Ah, don’t be a wet blanket.

Lampy: Actually, legs would help, you know.

Kirby: Brains wouldn’t hurt, either.

Lampy: Lay off.

Radio: Yeah, pipe down, carpet breath!

Toaster: Well, I’m going with or without you.

Kirby: I say we stay. We’ll have a new master anyway as soon as someone buys the cottage.

Blanky: But I don’t want a new master. I want our master.

Gadget: You're have your master instead of new one.

Toaster: Well, what about the rest of you?

Radio: You boys are gonna need a leader. Why, alone, you wouldn’t last for five minutes out there. I used to be a mountaineer, see? And together, we can stand against the forces of nature.

Lampy: Were you really a mountaineer?

Radio: Sure. Ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. Why, we shot moose together on the Klondike.

Lampy: Wow. Well, you know, I was just thinking, you guys will need somebody bright along, too.

Toaster: Good idea.

Radio: Listen to this. World War II, the Normandy Invasion. And who's there but Lampy to light the way?

[the appliances look at Kirby]

Toaster: Y'know, I thought it’d be good to have somebody come along, who’s really... strong.

Dale: And bossy.

Lampy: And loud.

Blanky: And grumpy!

Radio: And oblivious to reality.

[Toaster hits appliances in annoyance while Chip bonks Dale on the head]

Toaster: Well?

[pause; a few seconds later, Kirby begrudgingly joins in]

Kirby: [under his breath] I just know I’m gonna regret this.

[the rest of the appliances cheer.]

Lampy: [opens fuse box, and pulls out last fuse] Wow. This was our last fuse.

Toaster: See? [puts last fuse in transmitter] It's a good thing we're getting out of here.

Radio: [turns on kitchen light] I've always loved travel, anyway. The open road, the smell of the wind in my face, the files clogging up my grille.

Kirby: Yeah? Well, how are we going to travel?

Lampy: Hey, I got an idea. We can all get on top of the bed, you know, and then Kirby can push us.

[Kirby pushes the bed with Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy on board.]

Gadget: Easy, easy.

[Kirby tries to push gently down the stairs, but pushes too hard, and sends Toaster, Blanky, Radio, and Lampy falling down with the bed]

Lampy: No, no, no. Hey! What’s about Master’s Pogo stick?

[the appliances jump on the Pogo stick.]

Chip: Ok. Left. Right. Your other right! [the appliances try to go forward, and succeed for a bit, but end up going backward in the wrong direction on it, and crash]

Lampy: No, that’s no good. Hey, how about we're in the refrigerator on a skateboard, and Kirby can pull?

[Kirby, with a rope attached to him, pulls the skateboard with the refrigerator on top.]

Monty: Helmsman, steady as she goes.

[Kirby tries to pull gently, but ends up pulling too hard that the rope snaps from the skateboard, which sends Kirby flying forward, and causes the refrigerator to fall off, tilt over, and land on the floor with a loud thunk, as Blanky, now blue, and with his teeth chattering, shivers in the freezer, due to the ice freezing him]

Lampy: No, no, no. Hey!

Dale: Yeah!

Radio: [annoyed] Shut up! Shut up!

Toaster, Kirby, Blanky, Chip, Gadget, Monty: [annoyed] Shut up!

Radio: Let somebody else try for a change. Arise, Hassan, arise, O magic carpet.

Toaster: We need a longer cord.

Radio: We need an alternate power source, I say.