Avenue Q Warning Transcripts

This is a page that contains transcripts of every character dialogue of whenever something explicit about to happen during a skit, song, and/or a scene. In fact, it could also apply to when a song with explicit lyrics is about to play.

Princeton
Princeton: Okay, now, what you're about to see, is not for kids, so I'd like to ask you to take your children out of the room, or cover their eyes and ears. Don't worry, they can watch again when the scene is over. Remember, you only have 15 seconds, starting...now! Did ya do it? Good. Roll 'em.

Kate Monster
Kate Monster: These next few scenes are not "fur" the little ones, please take 15 seconds to get them out of the room. Are they gone? Good, roll the scene/song/skit.

Nicky
Nicky: Hi, Nicky here, so...umm...yeah, you might wanna take your kids for a walk, and come back in at least 15 seconds. Are they gone? All right, start the scene/song/skit.

Rod
Rod: Please, have your children vacate the premises, it'll only take 15 seconds.

Ricky
Ricky: Ya might wanna cover your kids' eyes and ears for this one. Only takes 15 seconds.

Trekkie Monster
Trekkie: Blah, blah, blah 15 seconds, ya know...just don't let your kids watch it.

Lucy the Slut
Lucy: You only have 15 seconds, to get your kids outta here, just 15 more seconds, or cover their eyes and their ears, cause this next scene is not for the young ones, so do the right thing and let them watch something else.

The Bad Idea Bears
The Bad Idea Bears: Hi, it's us, Fizzie and Fuzzie, the Bad Idea Bears!

For the next 15 seconds, please get your children out of the room, the next scene isn't for the cubs.

Basically all we're saying is, don't do anything we wouldn't do, that would indeed be a bear-y bad idea!

Just because we're bad, doesn't mean you should be. You only have 15 seconds, starting now!

Mrs. Thistletwat
Mrs. Thistletwat: For the next 15 seconds, please have any younger children vacate the premises, consider this a parental guidance moment.

Julian (formerly known as the Newcomer)
Julian: The following scene/skit/song is very explicit, so if you have kids, you have 15 seconds to get them to leave the room. ......Did they leave? Good. And action!

Cinderelmo and Trumplet
Cinderelmo: Hi, everybody! Cinderelmo here.

Trumplet: And don't forget me, Cinderelmo's blanket, Trumplet!

Cinderelmo: Do you have any kids in the room with you? If you do, then you better take them out of the room right now.

Trumplet: And the reason why is because the following scene/skit/song is for adults only. That means no one under the age of 18 should see this.

Cinderelmo: Not even Cinderelmo. (shakes head) No, no, no.

Trumplet: Right you are, Cinderelmo.

Cinderelmo: Yeah. (as the countdown appears) So you got 15 seconds to get any children in the room to leave the room immediately.

Trumplet: Starting... now!

Cinderelmo: (once the countdown reaches zero) Are the kids gone?

Trumplet: I don't think I see any children out there anymore, Cinderelmo. All clear!

Cinderelmo: Good! Time to resume the show!

Trumplet: Yeah. We better get outta the way and keep from seeing and hearing this, too.

Cinderelmo: Oh, yeah, you're right, Trumplet. Let's go. Enjoy!

Kieran
Kieran: Hey there, everyone! This is Kieran Monster, and I'd like to tell you guys something important. Take a look at this. (the warning sign appears behind him in the background as he presents it) This sign indicates that what you are about to see is gonna be very explicit, meaning it's for people ages 18 and up only to watch. So if you have kids in the room with you, please have them leave immediately. In fact, you should get the children out of eyesight and earshot of the skit/song scene/scene about to play and then get back in time to even see the beginning of it. I think about... 15 seconds should be plenty enough to be prepared, starting... (as a countdown watch appears on-screen) now! (hums a bit as the watch ticks) Shouldn't be a moment for all the kids to leave. (the timer reaches 00 and rings) Is the coast clear? Are the children safely absent? (momentary pause) Okay, then! Start the skit!/Roll the scene!/Play the song scene!

Excalibird
Excalibird: Hey guys, it's your favorite blue birdie buddy, Excalibird. For the next 15 minutes please refrain from showing your kids the following scenes, or you could possibly turn the volume down or cover their eyes. So are the kids gone? Oh good, let's roll the scene.

Alys
Alys: Hi, all my little boos and ghouls, this is Alys, with a warning for all the younglings, these next few scenes aren't for you, especially for those with weak hearts. Take this time for a 15-second break. Are the little ones gone? Oh, good. On with the show, then. Zippity Zap!

Sam the Mini Yeti
Sam: This is Sam the Mini Yeti only with a warning that this skit/song contains explicit language and/or actions not appropriate for your little ones. It's not gonna be warm and fuzzy like me, folks. Should give you about fifteen seconds....are your little ones gone? Okay, unfreeze!

David Red
David: This next scene isn't for kids, so please take 15 seconds to get your kids out of the room, m'kay.

ALF
ALF: We at Avenue Q are very, very sorry for what you're about to see, so please, please take 15 seconds to get your kids out of the room.

Sherman the Frog
Sherman: Hi-ho, Sherman the Frog here. If you're yellow like me, you shouldn't watch what's up next. The reason why is because the following scene/song/skit is explicit, not for children, or the easily squeamish. You have about 15 seconds to get them to leave the room. Are the children gone? Oh, good. I'll be leaving here, too, since I'm actually squeamish for this, too, so, uh... yeah, I'll leave you to this scene/song/skit. Enjoy it, folks. (If Spamela is in the scene/song/skit...) Are the children gone? Oh, good. I'll be, uh... over there. Not that I want to watch Spamela in this, even if she's a really sexy pig. Uh, okay, I'll stop now. I'll leave you to this scene/song/skit. Enjoy it, folks.

Spamela Hamderson
Spamela: This next scene is too hot for television, dare I say even hotter than I am, so ask your kids to leave the room, it'll only take 15 seconds. Are they gone? Good. Enjoy!

McGruff the Crime Dog
(The instant the episode pauses, McGruff walks in as he looked at the camera.)

McGruff: McGruff the Crime Dog here. I know what's about to happen here. (as the sign appears behind him, McGruff points with his thumb) See this sign here? That means there's about to be some explicit activity that should be viewed only by adults exactly or over the age of 18. If you have kids in the room with you, it's best you escort those kids away at once. There have been some cases of foolish children peeking at adult stuff that they should not be looking at. Some get traumatized seeing it, and others become perverted to the point of being naughty. So don't take any chances with anyone under the age of 18. Do your part right now and take them out of the room right now. You have 15 seconds to do that. (When time expires...) Is the coast clear? Good. Now, to resume the episode. And remember, folks, think about your kids whenever you see this sign.

Scruff
Scruff: Hey, what happened to the show?

McGruff: (walks in) I'll answer your question, Scruff.

Scruff: What is it, Uncle McGruff? Why did the show freeze?

McGruff: It's quite simple, Scruff. (as the sign appears behind the two) See that sign?

Scruff: Huh? (reads sign) Oh, I get it! A segment for adults only is about to play!

McGruff: That's right, Scruff. And do you know what that means?

Scruff: Yeah, children under the age of 18 shouldn't be present until the scene is over.

McGruff: Absolutely correct.

Scruff: So... how will the show continue?

McGruff: Simple: Any adults who have kids must get them out of the room within 15 seconds.

Scruff: Oh! Okay! Got it! So all you folks under 18, you have 15 seconds to leave the room, starting... now!

McGruff: (as the countdown gets closer) 5... 4... 3... 2... 1.

Scruff: Are the kids gone? Good! Now, on with the show!

McGruff: Time to get you outta here, too, Scruff. You're a kid, too, you know.

Scruff: (as he and McGruff leave) Yes, Uncle McGruff.

Cookie Mongoloid
Cookie Mongoloid: Hey, you! Folks watching at home! Do you have kids in the room with you? If you do, better take them out of the room now, because what you about to watch very explicit. You got fifteen seconds to do it. Have kids gone? All right. Time to play scene/skit! (If an explicit song about to play...) Have kids gone? All right. Time to rock and roll!

Rattles the Snake
(Note: he speaks with a hiss so imagine, if you will multiple s's in his sentences)

Rattles: SSSSStop! This is Rattles the Snake here with some words of wisdom: The following sssscene/sssskit/ssssong about to play is gonna be explicit, which means that kids should not be watching this. If you have them in the room with you, I suggest you escort them out of the room immediately. I think about... ten sssseconds. Are your kids gone? Good, back to the show!

Bubbasaur
Bubbasaur: Hello, everybody! You see this sign here? That means what's about to play here is not for children. So if you have kids in the room with you, then you should immediately get them out of the room for the whole segment. You have 15 seconds to get them out starting... now! (after the countdown expires) Are the kids gone? Oh, good. Then on with the show! Oh, and one more thing: Don't compare me to that purple dinosaur who looks like me, 'cause personally it annoys me. No hard feelings to those who grew up with and still love him. (referring to Barney)