Marvel's Astonishing Thunderbolts/Quotes

Promo-clip

 * (it starts with a view of Deadpool's apartment. We see Gwen Poole in her gym suit texting on her phone until she notices the viewers)
 * Gwen Poole: (enthusiastically) What's up, New York! It's me Gwen Poole! But you may call me... (she leaps into a nearby door, and then she comes back in her Gwenpool suit) the unbelievable Gwenpool! Deadpool and I can't wait for you guys to watch our new show in Hulu, the Astonishing Thunderbolts! You're gonna piss yourselves! I promise!

01) “Initiation, Part 1: Pools' Party”

 * (Gwen Poole is at a restaurant in prison while a shy guard approaches her to hand her her phone)
 * Shy Guard: (terrified) Please, don't hurt me! Please, don't hurt me! Please, don't hurt me! (whimpers until Gwen takes her phone and gently pats his cheek) Oh, thank God. I thought you were gonna...
 * Gwen Poole: Hurt you? No. You're too cute and sweet for me to hurt. A lot more than...
 * J. Jonah Jameson: (off-screen)  I NEED THAT PHONE!!
 * Gwen Poole: Jesus, this guy. (we see J. Jonah Jameson confronting a inmate over a phone)
 * Inmate: (kicks Jameson away from him) Go write your Daily Bugle shit on someone else's phone, Jameson! I ain't givin' you mine!
 * J. Jonah Jameson: (growls frustrated) Fuck sake! (sees Gwen texting on her phone) You! I'm gonna need that phone!
 * Gwen Poole: Fuck off, Hitler.
 * J. Jonah Jameson: (grabs her wrist; alarmed) What'd you say?!
 * Gwen Poole: I said: (grabs Jameson's jacket, snaps suddenly shouting) FUCK OFF, HITLER!!!
 * (Jameson's expression changes to a frozen, horrified one as Gwen quickly leaps on him and savagely bites his left ear, causing him to scream in agony. She then proceeds to mercilessly beat him up with the guards and inmates just watching; one guard even enjoys the scene while eating popcorn)
 * J. Jonah Jameson: (Gwen pins him down and giggles wickedly while shaking her fingers; Jameson realizes in panic what she is about to do) No, no, no, no. No, no, no, don't do it! No, no, no, please! Have mercy! (Gwen cripples Jameson's nipples) WAAAAAAH!! AAAARRRGHH!!
 * Guard: I gotta admit it. He had that shit coming. (his walkie-talkie rings and answers) Yes? Yeah? Got it. Hey, GP. (Gwen stops beating Jameson up and listens to him) Come on over here, babe.
 * Gwen Poole: Coming in. (she walks by, leaving Jameson laying in the ground, traumatized and shaking in pain) What's goin' on? (a guard hands her a box full of her belongings) That's all the stuff from my cell.
 * Guard: You don't have a cell, babe. Not anymore. You're free to go.
 * Gwen Poole: But I still got 10 months left. Why so soon?
 * Female Guard: Someone who says to appreciate you so hard just negotiated and paid for your release. And that someone is waiting for you outside right now.

08) “It's the Juggernaut Bitch!”

 * (Agent Venom traps Juggernaut in a vat of cement)
 * Juggernaut: Don't you know who I am?! I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!
 * Gwenpool: Your name's "Juggernaut Bitch"?
 * Juggernaut: What? No! (Deadpool and Agent Venom laugh hysterically over Gwenpool's joke) What are you laughing at?!
 * Deadpool: (still laughing) Sorry, just didn't realize you had orgies with real juggernauts. (continues laughing)
 * Cable: (annoyed) Oh, fuck sake.