L4D2:The Movie/Who's Cooking Tonight Scene Transcript


 * Coach and Sasha are sitting at a table and Sasha is on the Phone*

Coach: *stomach rumbles* Oh, shit. Ugh! Sasha?

Sasha: *still on his phone *

Coach: Sash!

Sasha: *still his on phone*

Coach: SASHA FOKIN!

* Sasha’s phone disintegrates*

Sasha: Da?

Coach: I’m hungry!

* Sasha shrugs*

Coach: *points to the stove* Steak dinner.

Sasha: Yeah, I will deep fry you an entire goddamn cow.

Coach: HELL YEAH!

Sasha: I was just playing with you, man. Can’t believe you fell for that.

* Coach starts ordering what he wants*

Sasha: No, no.

Coach: *still ordering*

Sasha: No!

Coach: *still ordering*

Sasha: NO! NOOOO!

Coach: GET YOUR ASS IN THE-

* Sasha goes over to Coach*

* pause*

Sasha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coach: Mister, I don’t think I like your attitude.

Sasha: Kiss my Butt.

* Coach slaps *

Sasha: Coach. *waves his finger in Coach’s face* You do that again, and I will-

* Coach bites Sasha’s Robotic finger*

* Sasha screams and punches Coach into the wall*

* The two of them start throwing furniture at each other and fighting*

* A closet falls onto Connor, who was in the room with them*

* They ignore the radio and start hitting each other*

Coach: *pushes Sasha near a closet and a picture frame and the closet fall on top of him*

* Coach then picks up the radio and throws it out the window*

* The radio and some other thing fall on Garfield, who was walking outside*

Garfield: *throws them away* Good thing I’m in the- *a tree falls on him*

* Sasha and Coach keep fighting and accidentally throw something at Connor*

* They keep hitting and fighting with each other*

Ellie: *listening from another room*

Coach: *pulls out a M2 Flamethrower*

* Marligton pops out after taking the trash out and Sasha takes him out and makes him charge at Sebastian*

* They fight some more which causes a big boom, ending their fight*

Ellie: *from the other room* That better have been an accident.

* She enters the room*

Elle: Don’t make me get- SWEET REGAN’S MO-

* The camera pans to them, knocked out, and then back to Ellie*

Coach: *wakes up with cracked bones* What? Oh hell-

* Ellie roars*

Coach: Aaaaand it’s about to get all bad and shit.

Sasha: Tits!

Marlington: Hey, that’s not cool. Seriously-

* Ellie charges at them and attacks*

* pause*

* Sasha and Coach are at the stove*

Coach: Sasha.

Sasha: Yes?

Coach: I’m hungry.

Sasha: Um, I don’t care.

Coach: Excuse me?!

Sasha: NOBODY CARES.

* Marlington talks over them and Garfield turns on a radio at full blast, playing Dragostea Din Tei to Take their fight to the next level*