Superfans/Ranking and Explaining Every Spider-Man Love Interest

John and Debbie go through the list of the many good and horrible love interests of Spider-Man, ranking each from S to D.

Video
The intro plays.

John scrolls down, revealing way more than three love interests.
 * John: Welcome to Superfans, a channel dedicated to all things comic book, whether it be reviews, news, lore videos, and more. I'm John Townsend and I like comics.
 * Debbie: I'm Debbie Rhodes and I don't read 'em.
 * John: On Today's video, we'll be doing something kinda different. As you may have noticed, we're currently stuck in the corner of the screen and in front of you is a tier list. Well, today, we'll be ranking each of Spider-Man's love interests. I made this tier list myself, feel free to check the video description if you want to make your own. Now, Debbie, which of Spider-Man's love interests are you familiar with?
 * Debbie: MJ, Gwen Stacy and Black Cat is a love interest right?
 * John: Okay three isn't bad.
 * Debbie: ...how many love interests are there?

John creates a new tier called "Jill Stacy" that's below D and puts Jill in it.
 * Debbie: Dear lord.
 * John: For the record, this is ordered in the same way as a Screen Rant list but none of the information I'm saying came from there. Anyway, first up is Jill Stacy.
 * Debbie: Like Gwen Stacy?
 * John: Yeah, Jill is Gwen's cousin.
 * Debbie: Peter dated Gwen's cousin?
 * John: After she died, too.
 * Debbie: Oh my god...
 * John: Look, this isn't even the weirdest one.
 * Debbie: She's not?!
 * John: We'll get to them. Anyway, Jill Stacy first showed up in Adjectiveless Spider-Man--
 * Debbie: "Adjectiveless"?
 * John: You know how Spider-Man has adjectives like Amazing, Spectacular, Sensational?
 * Debbie: Yeah?
 * John: Adjectiveless Spider-Man was just called "Spider-Man".
 * Debbie: Then just call it Spider-Man.
 * John: Yeah, but that would be confusing cause everybody would wonder which one.
 * Debbie: Okay, fair point.
 * John: Anyway, Jill showed up as a college friend of Mary Jane's. At the time, Mary Jane and Peter were married though so Jill didn't show interest in Peter. UNTIL... Mary Jane was kidnapped and assumed dead.
 * Debbie: What!?
 * John: That's right, Peter Parker's rebound girlfriend while he was grieving his wife was Gwen Stacy's cousin.
 * Debbie: ...I hate Jill Stacy.
 * John: I am pretty sure everyone does.
 * Debbie: Can we put her in the F rank?
 * John: One sec.


 * John: Jill, it wasn't your fault, your writers were just weird and creepy. But, your storyline still sucked FAT nuts. I think even the writer realized mid-way what he was doing because after Mary Jane came back, Jill and Peter broke up and Jill never showed up again.
 * Debbie: Alright, who's next?
 * John: Have you heard of Debra Whitman?
 * Debbie: Nope!
 * John: Have you seen the 90s Spider-Man show?
 * Debbie: Some of it yea.
 * John: She was one of the characters in that show. They changed her... a LOT...
 * Debbie: How?
 * John: Well, from what I remember, she wasn't even a love interest in that show. Which is probably for the best because, I'm not gonna bury the lede, this is probably the most toxic relationship Peter Parker has ever been in.
 * Debbie: She's that bad?
 * John: ...Uh.
 * Debbie: What?
 * John: Okay, you may not believe me here, but Peter's actually the toxic one here.
 * Debbie: Are you joking?
 * John: Do I look like the joking type?
 * Debbie: Yes, you've made several jokes before.
 * John: ...Okay, yes I have, but I'm not joking this time. Anyway, Peter was, like... a gigantic asshole to Debra for no reason at all. Like, he kept ditching dates, he was always thinking about either Mary Jane or Gwen when he was with her, and he was just generally a really bad boyfriend. Like, he was still kind of grieving Gwen, but I don't think that excuses him... doing that stuff.
 * Debbie: What happened to her?
 * John: She ended up dating some guy called Biff.
 * Debbie: ...Biff?
 * John: It gets weirder.
 * Debbie: Of course it does.
 * John: Cause years later, Peter would find out that apparently Debra was schizophrenic and that her delusions had caused her to believe Peter Parker was Spider-Man.
 * Debbie: Peter Parker is Spider-Man.
 * John: Yes, he is but remember, it's a secret identity.
 * Debbie: Yeah?
 * John: And he didn't tell her.
 * Debbie: Oh, oh, okay, I get it now.
 * John: Yeah, and what's weirder is that her therapist convinced her that the way to snap her out of her delusions was for Peter to fake confess that he's Spider-Man.
 * Debbie: This seems like a storyline that was intentionally written to be confusing...
 * John: Yeah, right? Well, anyway, Peter did it and it worked, she broke out of her delusions.
 * Debbie: But now she thinks her delusions were right...?
 * John: It's not a very good storyline. But apparently it gave her the courage to leave her abusive husband, so that's a plus.
 * Debbie: Oh no, Biff...
 * John: No, she and Biff broke up, this is just some other third guy who came out of nowhere.
 * Debbie: Why is this more confusing than a Metal Gear game?
 * John: Oh just wait until we get to the Clone Saga.
 * Debbie: Oh believe me, I can wait. Is there anything else important about Debra?
 * John: Uh, during Civil War, Peter revealed his identity publically but it got erased later. During the time before it was erased, Debra published a book called Two-Faced: How Spider-Man Ruined My Life.
 * Debbie: Jesus...
 * John: In her defense, she didn't want to call it that, the publishers made her do it cause they thought that name would sell more copies. I think that's all the important stuff about her, though.
 * Debbie: Alright, she seems alright. I'd say rank her as a solid C.
 * John: Next up is... Captain Marvel.
 * Debbie: Aren't... they...
 * John: Okay, in their defense, Peter was in college when she first became a superhero, so they're closer in age than in most versions. Like, he's mid to late 20s, she's maybe early 30s.
 * Debbie: Is this because of that endgame joke?
 * John: They dated like fifteen years before Endgame.
 * Debbie: Oh. But I don't know, something about this feels weird. Like why are they dating?
 * John: I dunno, they teamed up a lot and I guess one of them liked the other. They went on one date though, only one.
 * Debbie: How'd it go?
 * John: Not well, Carol hangs around rich guys and is used to fine wine and Peter is a poor dude who brought her to a cheap ass restaurant.
 * Debbie: Captain Marvel sounds like a diva...
 * John: She... Yeah. They didn't go on another date but then years later when both of them were even older, Carol got possessed by the Venom symbiote and the symbiote claimed it read Carol's mind and that she had developed feelings for Peter since their date.
 * Debbie: Even though it ended badly...?
 * John: They had teamed up a lot more after that, so I guess something sparked. The comic ends with it pretty ambigous whether the symbiote was lying, but it DOES end with Carol claiming it to be a lie while cradling Peter in her arms and flying him off like Superman and Lois Lane, so make your own conclusions. Also, fun fact, Kamala Khan has been quoted as saying she ships the two.
 * Debbie: This is such a confusing ship. I'd say D. It's not offensive just boring.
 * John: Well this next ship is not boring because of the context. Meet Anna Maria Marconi.
 * Debbie: I can only think of macaroni and cheese with that last name.
 * John: MARCONI. It's Marconi.
 * Debbie: Still thinking of macaroni.
 * John: Okay... Well, Anna Maria Marconi was introduced in the storyline Superior Spider-Man. Do you know what that is?
 * Debbie: I think I heard of it. It's the story where Doctor Octopus swaps minds with Spider-Man, right?
 * John: Wow... you actually know something about a comic.
 * Debbie: Besides that, I don't know what happens in it or even why they swapped bodies.
 * John: Well, while Doc Ock was in Peter's body, he found out that Peter never actually got his doctorate, so he went back to college for him. While there, he met a woman around his age with dwarfism called Anna Maria Marconi and they... kinda hit it off. To the point that when Otto opened up his own company, Parker Industries--
 * Debbie: What?
 * John: We'll probably cover Superior Spider-Man some day. Anyway, he hired her to be one of his top scientists there and was even planning on proposing. Unfortunately though, Norman Osborn had found out that it was Otto and not Peter in charge and was taking full advantage, forming a criminal group called Goblin Nation that eventually kidnapped Anna. Otto found her but, in the moment, there was a train about to cross. And Otto, even if he claimed to be Superior, was still super selfish and was doubting if he should save her or save his own life.
 * Debbie: Otto sounds... like a pretty bad boyfriend.
 * John: This isn't even the worst thing he's done to a woman he was in love with. He once fell in love with Aunt May and when he found out May was getting married to a new man she met, he took over the city's power and caused car crashes and blackouts just to ruin her wedding...
 * Debbie: Oh god... What happened when Peter got his body back?
 * John: He immediately broke up with her.
 * Debbie: Poor Anna...
 * John: Actually, she took it very well.
 * Debbie: Oh.
 * John: Yeah, Peter confessed literally everything and she processed it, came to the conclusion it wasn't his fault, and offered to tell him everything that happened during the time that he wasn't in charge of his body. She did end up moving away to do her own thing though, but Anna did pretty well for herself, all things considered.
 * Debbie: I kinda like Anna. I'd say a solid B.
 * John: Next up is who Peter dated like immediately after Anna, Lian Tang.
 * Debbie: Who?
 * John: Remember Parker Industries?
 * Debbie: Yeah, it's still a pretty weird idea.
 * John: Well, Lian Tang was an employee of Parker Industries. At this point, Peter was claiming that Spider-Man was his bodyguard, kinda like how Tony Stark claimed Iron Man was his bodyguard back in the day, and Lian really, really hated Spider-Man.
 * Debbie: How'd they date?
 * John: They just... did. Their relationship wasn't interesting, it's everything that came after it that was important. Cause it turned out that Lian Tang was actually an employee of the criminal cartel Zodiac and she was leaking Parker Industries secrets to them. She even offered to kill Spider-Man for them, but she quickly realized she didn't have it in her and just gave up. Peter forgave her for her betrayal under the condition that she help him defeat Zodiac, which she was more than willing to do. She IS a pretty minor character though, and a recent one at that, so there's not a lot of stuff about her yet. Cool story though.
 * Debbie: That was pretty short.
 * John: Some love interests ain't as fleshed out as others.
 * Debbie: I think I'd rank her a solid C.
 * John: This next one, I'll be honest, this one's not that interesting, but everything around her is. Her name's Michele Gonzales and her brother was Vincent Gonzales, a police officer who hated Spider-Man to the point that he tried to frame Spider-Man for murder so he could have an excuse to arrest him. This was a pretty big deal too, cause Vincent was also Peter's roommate at the time.
 * Debbie: How the hell did he frame him...?
 * John: Vincent stole a bunch of Spider-Man's Spider-Tracers and while investigating murder scene, he planted the tracers on the bodies of the victims, making it seem like Spider-Man had been at the scene of the crime.
 * Debbie: That's a pretty smart way of going about it, actually.
 * John: Yeah, he probably would've gotten away with it if a bunch of stolen Spider-Tracers weren't found pinned under his bed.
 * Debbie: And what did Michele do at this time?
 * John: Not much, honestly.
 * Debbie: So another one note love interest basically?
 * John: Well, she defended Vincent in court but he ended up getting put in jail anyway. As a promise to him though, she agreed to watch over his apartment while he was away. I kinda liked Michele's attitude cause he was forced to live with Peter and they just straight-up did not get along because Peter didn't defend Vincent.
 * Debbie: Why would he defend Vincent? The guy tried to frame him.
 * John: Well, you're looking at this from an outsider's perspective. In Michele's mind, she doesn't know that Peter's Spider-Man. All she really sees is her brother's roommate and supposed best friend refusing to defend him in court. I mean, wouldn't you be pissed?
 * Debbie: That's a good point. I would probably be pretty pissed if my brother's roommate refused to defend him. Okay carry on.
 * John: Well, their relationship continued to be super pissy, them arguing and trading verbal blows until, one day, Peter Parker got kidnapped and replaced by Chameleon. And by that, I mean PETER PARKER. Not Spider-Man. Meaning Chameleon was living with Michele and pretending to be Peter.
 * Debbie: I don't like where this is going.
 * John: It's going where you think it's going because Chameleon hooked up with Michele while pretending to be Peter.
 * Debbie: Goddamn it...
 * John: Goddamn it is right. So, Peter comes back and takes his life over again, but now Michele is his girlfriend and, I mean, he's Peter Parker. He's too nice of a guy to just break up with her for no reason, so he just has to keep dating her and pretending that everything's okay.
 * Debbie: How is this worse than the Anna Maria thing?
 * John: Well, thankfully, that relationship ended when Vincent got let out of jail early and decided to move away. Michele decided to go with him and broke up with Peter before she left, confessing that she didn't think he was such a bad guy after all.
 * Debbie: ...Okay, that's KINDA cute...
 * John: Yeah that is.
 * Debbie: Okay, she's like a C.