Little Audrey (1956, Pre-Origin Story) (Nostalgia Chick)



(The Channel Awesome logo and NC title sequence are shown)

NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it... I fuckin' hate Little Audrey, I fuckin' hate Little Audrey, I fuckin' hate Little Audrey, I fuckin' hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT, LALALALALALALALALALALA-- (water is thrown on him and he calms down) ...Thank you. Anyway, I fucking hate Little Audrey.

(Clips from the intro to the Little Audrey cartoons are shown as NC speaks)

NC (vo): I mean, okay, I sort of respect it for being Paramount's weekly animated cartoon classics, that’s pretty impressive. But the animation is great, the stories are forgettable, and the characters just aren’t that interesting. They’re boring as hell! Disgustingly cute and disgustingly marketable. How can any child not get wrapped up in their disgustingness? That was it.

NC: Instead, we got the pre-origin story, a 1967 film about Little Audrey... (dramatically) in the nightmarish land!

(The title and the footage is shown as swing and jazz music plays)

NC (vo): Unless I could have the old one was the bonus of the review...

NC: ...a 60s special day.

(a words zooms and words "A 60s SPECIAL DAY" and a small chorus sings a note)

NC (vo): It's a hell of a pioneer special. Say what you want about the 60s, but you have to give it to Disney films. Unlike Casper & Friends that simply put you in different rooms and different situations of the cartoons, the pre-origin story actually moved like Noveltoons in the FUCKING past! ????? This movie's HORRENDOUS! It's horrendous! It's just ungodly! Unnatural! If a piece of fucking shit took a piece of fuck shit you could see! I mean, these are the guys that reviewing the same mistaking that very GOD-awful terrible movies based on cartoons...

(Corresponding posters are shown as NC speaks continues)

NC (vo): ...such as Felix the Cat Movie, Tom and Jerry Movie, The Flintstones, A Goofy Movie and, of course, Casper.

NC: Oh, wait a minute. What does that piece of dipshit ghost calling her name before?

NC's Casper: Here's Casper! (as NC screams in fear)

NC: You are back?

NC's Casper: What can you say? That people loves her!

NC: If that's possible, being dead and stuff. I mean... You know what? The Timing joke wasn't funny to begin with.

NC’s Casper: I've been to Hell!

?????

NC (vo): So, Little Audrey escapes from her house with Petunia and she runs back to the city when suddenly she almost trapped in the mindfucks' dark forest, scaring the fucking innocent girl off!

NC: Yeah, let's hear that nightmare hell song the kids freaked the hell of this scene now!

(back to Little Audrey while the song plays "What You Did" from The Lost Dream, she running stop and screams, suddenly the many footages of The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, the Headless Horseman is shown, laughing maniacally! Little Audrey runs back and suddenly Large Marge (Pee-Wee's Big Adventure) makes a hideous face is shown, Little Audrey screams and runs back, all of a sudden a footage of The Banshee (Darby O'Gill and the Little People) is shown, howling loudly! Finally, Little Audrey rolls forth and hit by the rock and the song ends.)

NC (vo; as Little Audrey): I will never be better anymore!

?????

Little Lotta: Make a jackass outta yourself!

NC: You know, for kids!

?????

NC (vo): Is that it?

NC's Casper: Yeah?

NC: THAT'S THE FUCKING PARAMOUNT'S FINAL CARTOON EVER MADE!!

NC's Casper: That's what Little Audrey hates you and me! (scares NC) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

NC: (gets very angry and pull out of his gun) D'AARRGH!! YOU BULLSHIT!!

(he tries to shoots Casper, but his bullets just go through him)

NC's Casper: Missed the fuck me, missed the fuck me, missed the fuck me, missed the fuck me, missed the fuck me!

NC: Fuck off, you floating bitch! Come back here!

NC's Casper (offscreen) Shithead! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

NC: (to the viewers) Sorry, my children! FUCK THAT RACISM WORLD!

(Footage from the Little Audrey: The Pre-Origin Story plays once more as NC gives his closing thoughts.)

NC (vo): ????? A culture part of me almost wishes I could hate it more as they (picture of Petunia the Maid) used to be the terrible part of the Disney movies, like Song of the South and the other traditional classics like Dumbo and Lady and the Tramp! While thinking about NOT racism in the Studio Ghibli movies! It is horrendously bad! It’s just loud, grating, and makes no sense. It's not VERY scary titular character anymore! That's a rotten luck!

NC: This horrendously movie very still fucking sucks! But it's not that kind of story! If you're not see a pre-origin story, notify your local black fuck face in the cartoon! (He lifts up his DVD box in 2002) It will never be same a fucking mistake FOREVER! (he toss a DVD copy of the movie with a bat club in slow motion) And I don't have any worst movies anymore! I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and... NO MORE '60S SPECIAL DAY ANYMORE! (he gets up from a chair and leaves)

Little Audrey (offscreen): Well, uh... you see, sir. Uh, I didn't know it was so late.

NC (offscreen): What the hell are you coming from New York?! You piss me off!

Little Audrey (offscreen): I thought so!

NC (offscreen): GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!

(Cut quickly to black before we hear a gunshot and Little Audrey yelps)

THE END

Channel Awesome's tagline – Little Lotta: Make a jackass outta yourself!

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