Asdfmovie: The Movie/Transcript

(The screen starts black and fades out. It shows the first frame of the first Asdfmovie. A click is heard, and the video plays.)

Nose Son: *giggles*

(His dad pretends to steal his nose.)

Nose Dad: Got your nose!

(The door slams open, and a cop is there.)

Cop: LOOK OUT HE'S GOT A NOSE! *repeatedly shoots gun*

(The Asdfmovie logo shows up while some music plays. Static appears not soon after, then disappears.)

Tie Guy: You gotta help me man, my tie is evil and it's gonna ki-

(The sequence was revealed to be a YouTube video, and it got paused. The screen slowly pans over to Tom, at the screen.)

Tom: *sigh*

(The scene changes to a dark kitchen. A giant jar of Marmite is sitting in the middle of it, next to someone covered in it.)

Marmite: It's almost time.

Evil Assistant: Time for what?

Marmite: Time to finish what we started.

Evil Assistant: Oh yeah! *reaches for sandwich* This marmite sandwich!

Marmite: No! You're such an idiot!

Evil Assistant: Well it's your fault for raising me like this!

Marmite: I didn't raise you like that! I didn't- ...wait.

(His assistant fades out of existence, along with the sandwich. Marmite was hallucinating due to all the isolation.)

Marmite: God, this isolation is getting to my head.

(zoom out)

Marmite: This has to be put to an end sooner or later...

(The scene changes to a celebration in the town of Gouldenberg. A giant banner that says "50 YEARS" is hanging. The opening credits appear in the bottom-left corner as the scene goes on.)

Club Guy: *dancing* Oh yeah! You can't even handle me right now!

Club Brother: I couldn't handle you if you HAD a handle!

Brit 1: Hmm, 'tis indeed quite the ruckus. But, I could get used to this.

Brit 2: Yes, it really tickles my fancy bone.

Banana Guy: *sadly holding banana* Oh banana, you're the only one that understands me. Everyone's here dancing with their friends, and here I am, alone with you. What's wrong with me What's wrong with US?

(The banana says nothing.)

Club Girl: Okay guys, pay attention! I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do a double backflip!

Jerry: Don't do it! You'll break a bone or two! Or three! Or... actually maybe all of them?

Club Girl: Jerry, the only thing I'm gonna break is my streak of being a loser like you!

Jerry: That made absolutely no sense, but who cares?! You're an idiot anyway!

(The club girl attempts this and doesn't even do a single backflip. She face-plants on the ground.)

* beat*

Jerry: Idiot.

(It zooms out, showing everyone partying their hearts out. The mayor, Dougal Flopguy, steps up to the microphone and taps it.)

Flopguy: Ahem... attention, everyone. Everyone!

(Everyone stops whatever they were doing; some of them are holding balloons.)

Flopguy: I'd like to make an announcement. Two and a half scores ago, the Great Marmite War came to a conclusion. The Marmite Army, or Marmy fell down to their knees as we strode in victory. Now, a lot has changed since then.

Jerry: *shouting* Uh, actually, were you even born during the war?

Flopguy: No, but that's why we have history class, smarty pants! Anyway, we've toughened up. We've struggled through endless tussles and trials. If another war ever happens, we'll be ready! We'll stare Marmite down, IN THE FACE-

Jerry: Uh, what face?

Flopguy: Just forget I said that. Anyway, we'll be ready! We'll stare Marmite down, IN THE HYPOTHETICAL FACE, AND WE-

(A giant shadow looms over the town. Everyone stops talking, and some people are muttering about what it could be.)

Marmite: *from above* Actually, I think I'll be the one doing all the staring...

(Marmite descends to the ground with a resounding thud.)

Flopguy: MARMITE! You know this is the SINGLE most inconvenient time to drop in, right?

Marmite: Shut up. I know you knew it was coming.

Flopguy: No I didn't! And since when did you decide to come back?!

Marmite: Oh, honey...

(He somehow loads a marmite gun.)

Marmite: It was a plan 50 years in the making...