No-One Like Gaston...

NO-ONE is like Gaston!

Lyrics and transcript

 * Gaston: Vrak LeFou, I'm so disgraced! Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man and what did she say? "I will never marry you, Gaston.", that is what she said.
 * Vrak: Damn right, although there are other girls...
 * Queen Beryl, Wicked Witch of the West and Rita Repulsa: (giggling)
 * Gaston: No-one says "NO" to Gaston! Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated!
 * Vrak: More beer?
 * Gaston: What for? Nothing helps. I am disgraced.
 * Vrak: Who, you? Never! Gaston, you gotta pull yourself together. (sung) Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston. Looking so down in the dumps? Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston, even when taking your lumps. There's no man in town as admired as you, you're ev'ryone's favorite guy Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you and it's not very hard to see why! No-one's slick as Gaston, no-one's quick as Gaston, no-one's neck is incredibly thick like Gaston's! There's no man in town half as manly!
 * Queen Beryl, Wicked Witch of the West and Rita Repulsa: (sung) Perfect, a pure paragon!
 * Vrak: (sung) You can ask any Tom, Dick, or Stanley, and they'll tell you whose team you'd prefer to be on!
 * All: (sung) No-one's been like Gaston, a kingpin like Gaston! No-one's got a swell cleft on his chin like Gaston!
 * Gaston: (sung) As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
 * All: (sung) My, what a guy, that Gaston!
 * Gaston: (sung) I needed encouragement. Thank you, LeFou!
 * Vrak: (sung) There's no-one as easy to bolster as you! Too much?
 * Gaston: Yep.
 * Vrak: (sung) Who plays...
 * Lord Tenoroc, Hawk Moth, and Master Xandred: (sung) Cards like Gaston!
 * Vrak: (sung) Who breaks...
 * Lord Tenoroc, Hawk Moth, and Master Xandred: (sung) Hearts like Gaston!
 * Vrak: (sung) Who's much more than the sum of his parts like Gaston?
 * Gaston: (sung) All those animals we are annihilating!
 * All: (sung) Ah, what a guy, that Gaston! Give five horrays and twelve hip-hips!
 * Vrak: (sung) Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips!
 * (Gaston is angered that Vrak spilled beer on him)
 * All: (sung) No-one fights like Gaston, douses lights like Gaston!
 * Dr. Doofenschmirtz: (sung) In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
 * Queen Beryl, Wicked Witch of the West, and Rita Repulsa: (sung) For there's no-one as burly and brawny...
 * Gaston: (sung) As you see, I've got biceps to spare!
 * Vrak: (sung) Not a bit of him's scraggly nor scrawny...
 * Gaston: (sung) And ev'ry inch of me's covered in hair.
 * All: (sung) No-one kills like Gaston! Wishes ills like Gaston!
 * Queen Beryl, Wicked Witch of the West, and Rita Repulsa: (sung) No-one has drinking refills like Gaston!
 * Gaston: (sung) When I hunt I sneak up with my quiver and beasts of the field say a prayer. First I carefully aim for the liver, then I shoot from behind...
 * Vrak: (sung) Is that fair?
 * Gaston: (sung) I don't care. (shoots)
 * All: (sung) No-one hits like Gaston, matches wits like Gaston.
 * Vrak: (sung) In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston!
 * Gaston: (sung) I'm exceptionally good at expectorating! (spits)
 * All: (sung) That is ten points for Gaston!
 * Gaston: (sung) When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large, but now that I've grown I ate five dozen eggs, so I'm roughly the size of a barge!!!!
 * All: (sung) No-one shoots like Gaston, makes those beauts like Gaston!
 * Vrak: (sung) Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston!
 * Gaston: (sung) This is better than plans of land dominating!
 * All: (sung) My what a guy, that Gaston!
 * Gaston and Vrak: (sung) No-one plots like Gaston!
 * Gaston: (sung) Takes cheap shots like Gaston!
 * Vrak: (sung) Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston!
 * Gaston: (sung) Yes, I'm endlessly, widely resourceful!
 * Vrak: (sung) And down from the depths you descend.
 * Gaston: (sung) I won't be mildly remorseful
 * Gaston and Vrak: (sung) Just as long as I (you) get what I (you) need in the end!
 * Gaston: (sung) Who has brains like Gaston?
 * Vrak: (sung) Entertains like Gaston?
 * Gaston and Vrak: (sung) Who can make up these endless refrains like Gaston?
 * Gaston: (sung) I use antlers in all of my decorating!
 * Vrak: (sung) And his marriage we soon will be celebrating!
 * All: (sung) Say it again who's a man among men! Who's the super success? Don't you know? Can't you guess? Ask his fans and his five hangers-on! There's just one guy in town who's got all of it down!
 * Vrak: (sung) And his name's G-A-S-T... I believe there's another T... It just occurred to me that I'm illiterate and I've never actually had to spell it out loud before!
 * All: (sung) GASTON!!!!
 * Zebedee: SOMEONE HELP ME!
 * Cryptkeeper: Maurice Zebedee de Lyon?
 * Zebedee: He's got Belle locked up in the dungeon! It's already winter in May! We've not got a minute to lose!
 * Gaston: Calm down, crazy old Maurice Zebedee de Lyon. Who's got her?
 * Zebedee: A beast! A HUGE MONSTROUS HIDEOUS EVIL BEAST!!!
 * All: (laugh)
 * Zebedee: Why do you laugh? It's not a joke!