Slam-Dunking Sensation/Transcript

Pre-Dunk
(A few weeks after the incident with Whitty, Keith and Cherry are looking up at the clouds on a beautiful afternoon. Thanks to getting some therapy for his voice, Keith is able to speak slowly and properly again)

Cherry: Geez...That was intense.

Keith: Hehe, yeah...that guy’s face was totally, uh, “ballistic”.

Cherry: Good thing Dad had a remedy for your voice. It was sounding pretty ballistic too.

Keith: Sure was! But now that I’ve recovered from those six weeks of intensely painful, debatably-unnecessary vocal cord surgeries, we can finally go to the park like we originally intended!

(We now see Keith and Cherry sitting on a bench at the park, enjoying the nice view and not worrying about having to run into anyone who wants to challenge Keith to a singing battle as usual)

Cherry: You know, I really had fun during all those weeks I spent with you.

Keith: Even when that lemon guy tried to eat you?

Cherry: Okay, most of those weeks. It makes me wonder who will be next to challenge you. (snickers)

Keith: Well, hopefully this week doesn’t have any more rap battle challengers OR crazy monsters. I’m tired…

(Suddenly, they hear a mechanical voice greeting them)

Voice: Hello!

Keith: Huh?

(Keith and Cherry see a robot wearing basketball gear and spinning a basketball in one of its hands)

Robot: Are you perhaps up for a game or two?

Keith: Uhh...sorry, dude, I’m not really that good at basketball. I’m not tall enough to dunk.

Robot: Oh, my apologies! Perhaps a game on the microphone instead, then?

Keith: You mean you wanna sing? I guess that’d be okay - wait a minute. Are you another guy that’s not cool with me dating my girlfriend?

Robot: Huh? No! I have no qualms with you determining that woman’s expiration date. Would you like me to help you calculate it?

Cherry: Please don’t.

Keith: Let’s just stick to singing. I don’t mind if it’s just for fun. Doing bad only hurts me if the other guy wants it to...I think. Are you ready then...uh...what’s your name?

Robot: Hex! I’m always ready!

Keith: Alright, Hex, let’s funk!

(Hex picks up a basketball-shaped microphone and takes Keith and Cherry to a basketball court, where he will perform a song with our heroes about how much fun the sport is)

Hex: While I understand its usefulness to you may be...limited...why not start out with a rising premier on the funkiest activity outside of rapping: basketball!

Dunk
Hex: Sun is shining, weather’s great Don your lucky jersey! Don’t forget to hydrate When you’re thirsty!

Keith: (overlapping) You get thirsty?

Hex: Well, no, robots don’t drink But we’ve still got to oil our joints!

Keith: If you’re rusty, I think It would be awful hard to score points!

Hex: Once you’ve limbered up a little Hit the court and grab a b-ball!

Keith: Must have lots of room to dribble When you’re standin’ seven feet tall!

Hex: Oh, yes! That’s my favorite part! Dribbling with perfect rhythm!

Keith: Never thought of b-balls as art! You could make a dope beat with ‘em!

Hex: That’s what got me hooked on songs! Sports and tunes go hand-in-hand!

Keith: You were jammin’ all along! We should get you in a band!

Hex: But that’s just a warm-up session! Once the game starts, it gets better!

Keith: Think I’m gettin’ the impression That’s when it all comes together!

Hex: Shoes squeaking!

Keith: Moving sounds!

Hex: Joy peaking!

Keith: All around!

Hex: Baskets swishing!

Keith: Nothing but net!

Hex: Something’s missing…

Both: How could I/you forget?

Hex: The scoreboard, it beckons! Closing tension’s red-hot! Counting down the seconds! Comes down to the last shot!

Keith: Hype so strong you taste it! Heartbeat pounding with funk! Got one chance, don’t waste it! Jump up, slam down and dunk!

Hex: Suddenly, the room gets loud Overcome by cheering! They want more, shout “encore!” Circuits reeling!

Keith: Basking in a cheering crowd! Just like a musician! Where I’ll be, hopefully! Least I’m wishin’!

Hex: Anybody who craves the thrill performance gives can make it!

Keith: Right back at ya, you’ve got the will to see your shot and take it!

Hex: I’m just visiting this street To shoot some hoops and sing some ditties!

Keith: Never know who you might meet When you play out around the city!

Hex: (spoken) Oh! Just the thought of meeting a star basketball coach out here...It makes my screen savor!...No offense, of course. You’re great, too!

(The song finishes as Hex and Keith finish their first game. By now, the sun is already beginning to set)

Keith: Aww yeah! Now that was funky and dunky!

Cherry: Mhm! Impressive as always.

Hex: I agree. We really maximalized the amount of fun we could’ve possibly had! How about another round?

Keith: Hmm...what do you think, Cherry?

Cherry: Oh, I don’t mind, really...And look, the sun is setting! It’ll bring some warm vibes to the next song!

Keith: You’re right! Bring it on, Hex!

Hex: Ooh, hooray! It’s not often I get multiple chances to play in one day! My circuits are ready!

(With that, the second song starts)

Keith: So, this isn’t your first ball game, huh? How long’ve you been goin’ around from place to place, anyway?

Hex: Oh! It’s funny you ask!

R.A.M
Hex: I’ve been playing ball with people for a while!

Keith: Don’t shock me at all, you’ve got a real smooth style!

Hex: Glad you think so, I’ll be real Took some time to reach my best!

Keith: Oh, for sure, know how that feels! Didn’t always sound this fresh!

Hex: Playing with new friends Made me realize every match is special! You must calculate the most amusing result!

Keith: It really depends Fightin’ new foes gets a little stressful! When you gotta psychoanalyze their insults!

Hex: Haven’t had that problem, everyone’s been pleasant!

Keith: That’s odd, everyone wants me dead when I’m present!

Hex: I recall just yesterday Went against a living bomb!

Keith: You mean Whitty? Dude, no way. That guy’s anything but calm!

Hex: Doesn’t like songs, true, But he is quite masterful at b-ball! Doesn’t have to jump to reach the basket at all!

Keith: Maybe I should have got to know him ‘fore I started singin’! Next time I’ll just pass a basketball and wing it!

Hex: Not everyone is a hoop-dunking ace! While passing through Nevada, met a clownish man in dismay! Couldn’t shoot it from the right place But he won in his own way!

Keith: Seems that you got a real talent with people! Makin’ their acquaintance without fightin’ them or dyin’! That appeal is near-unequaled!

Both: Everybody wins!

Hex: There was one last, really tough guy...

Keith: Bet he was a really rough guy!

Hex: Orange hair and scowling face!

Keith: I know him, we used to date!

Hex: Told him “shoot the ball!” He did.

Keith: How’d you calm him? I’d have hid!

Hex: We went to a shooting range!

Keith: Now that’s Pico’s kinda game!

Hex: Putting a cap on the theory I’ve tested: Anyone can be your friend if you act nice and think fast! Find out what makes them invested Make some memories that last!

Keith: Sure wish more people I fought thought like you do! Woulda saved a lotta trouble if they didn’t hate me! Lots to take home from this round two!

Both: You did splendidly!

Hex: (spoken) Our paths in life hold different lore. You turn to rap, I turn to dunks. But we share one thing for sure...

Both: (sung) We can really funk!

(The song finishes. By now it is nighttime, so Keith and Cherry decide to be on their way)

Hex: Another great round! Vibing levels are off the charts!

Keith: Yeah, too bad the sun is gone now, and it’s getting late. Should we get going, Cherry?

Cherry: Probably, I oughta call my parents and tell ‘em I’ll be home soon.

Keith: Aren’t you an adult already?

Cherry: You know how my dad gets all “steal-Keith’s-soul-y” if I’m home after ten.

Hex: Sorry to bust in, but are you perhaps up for one more?

Keith: Hmm, I don’t know, it is getting late, and I don’t want my soul to be stolen…

Hex: Pretty please? I will be a very happy bot if you say yes!

Keith: Ahh, I can’t say no to that friendly face! I’m sure Cherry’s dad won’t mind if we’re a little late…

Hex: Don’t worry! This one will be the last. I’ll make certain you and your girlfriend have plenty of time to return.

(And so, the third song begins)

Keith: You know, you’ve been helping me all day. Maybe it’s finally time for me to help you!

Hex: Oh? Whatever do you mean?

Hello World
Hex: My life’s great, you know, what else could I need?

Keith: How about a show with you as the lead?

Hex: All I know is playing games with passing strangers!

Keith: Trust me, shows are super tame against those dangers!

Hex: Do people really like basketball players that much? Oh, what would I do?

Keith: You’re more than sports, man, you’ve got lotsa layers! Besides...They made Space Jam 2!

Hex: Would they even let me play with pros? People tend to think robots are cheaters!

Keith: You work harder than most folks I know! I got your in! Her dad owns a theater!

Hex: Why, that’s it, that’s how I’ll start! Mix my dunks with songs and art! Sing the joys of basketball! Like I just did!

Keith: That act sure sounds real unique! Folks would watch you every week! Funk and dunks, you’ll have it all! You’ll flip their lids!

Hex: This show’s gonna be the best! I’ll bring folks I met as guests! Pico, Whitty, plenty more! Just not the clown!

Keith: For the pilot, I’ll co-star! That’ll help the show go far! So, what are you waiting for? Let’s head on down!

Hex: Do you think my clothing looks alright? Not sure if this jersey’s too plebeian!

Keith: You’re fine! Besides, we don’t have all night! If we don’t jet, it’s my final evenin’!

Hex: Then I’ll set my power use to full steam!

Keith: You and I are gonna make a rad team!

Hex: Golly, this day’s been as good as it gets!

Both: Easily the chillest one I’ve had yet!

Hex: Call a taxi, on the spot! Show her father what I’ve got! If he lets me use the stage Won’t regret it!

Keith: We’ll just walk, the night is calm Called a taxi, got her mom!

Hex: (So excited!)

Keith: You’re gonna be all the rage Don’t forget it!

Hex: Hello, world, your best bot Hex is calling!

Keith: You’ll be burnin’ red hot! So enthralling!

Hex: Even my capacitors can’t hold my thanks, friend!

Keith: No prob, buddy, glad that we could make this happen!

(Song finishes, and Keith is exhausted from all that rapping)

Keith: (catches his breath) Wow, we spent a whole day on this. Aren’t you tired, Hex?

Hex: Nope! Not yet, at least. My battery is solar-based, so I can save energy for the night!

Keith: Maybe we should get you a late-night timeslot…

Cherry: I’m tired, guys...We can talk to Dad in the morning. Let’s just go home…

Keith: Allright. You wanna meet us at the theater tomorrow, Hex?

Hex: Sure thing! I’ll be there bright and early!

Keith: Great! Well, see ya around!

Hex: We sure had a lot of fun today, pal! Good night-

(Suddenly, Hex’s face starts to glitch out)

Hex: BZZZZZZZZZT-

Keith: H-huh? Hex?

Hex: ...Uh-oh. I think we might have a problem…

Keith: What problem?

Hex: I probably used too much processing power on all the songs and let my guard down...Something might have passed my defenses, which means...There might be a virus inside me!

Cherry: Huh? Wait, isn’t that like, dangerous to machines?

Hex: VERY dangerous...oh no. I think it’s trying to take over the system…

Keith: Shoot...can’t you do something to prevent that?

Hex: I...don’t think I can...But...wait. Maybe you can!

Keith: Huh?

(Hex hands Keith his basketball-shaped microphone)

Hex: Grab my mic and fight that thing off! If you input enough mic patterns, it might overload the system and crash. Then I’ll enter sleep mode and run a safety scan which will kill that thing! Please! You’re my only hope right now!

Keith: ...Allright, Hex, I’ll try. I can’t leave the world's best bot behind! Are you ready?

Hex: ...I’m always ready. Good luck. I can feel it taking ove-ov-overrrrrr…

(Suddenly, the virus tries to take control of Hex’s motherboard while Hex tries to fight it off as the final song starts)

Glitcher
Virus: Yes! Our virus pierced the system! From here oughta be smooth sailing! Start copyin’ everything you can before his drives start failing!

Keith: Get off of that lovely robot! I’m gonna reset his power! How could you destroy someone like this before their finest hour?

Virus: Whoa! There’s someone else micspamming? We can’t stop his counterattack! Listen, punk, we got here first So find another bot to hijack!

Keith: I’m not here to steal his body! That’s a person you’re abusing! No one raps as fast as me So give it up right now, you’re losing!

Virus: We’re on borrowed time, make a memory dump!

Keith: You won’t get a byte out of his hard drive!

Virus: We’ll get what we need, just hit a bump!

Keith: Cut it out, that hurts him, he’s alive!

Virus: Got his data logs to load up!

Keith: Keep your mitts off of his files!

Virus: Ooh, interesting...Look right here what showed up...

Keith: How dare you read that!

Both: Bring back his smile!

Hex: Oh, gosh, thank you, Hex is back now! All my gratitude is showing! Hurry, lest her folks attack now. You’d better get going!

Keith: Think that I’m falling for that old trick? You must be impersonating! And you read our chats? Wow, that’s sick! You’re infuriating!

Hex: No, it’s your buddy Hex right here! Better stop before you overload me!

Keith: Said give it up, it’s real clear That you’re pretending C’mon, you just showed me

Virus: You just threw away your shot to walk out, your loss!

Keith: Not leavin’ here til my buddy’s free at all costs!

Virus: We’ll just have to crush you first We know that we can overload you!

Keith: C’mon, cowards, do your worst There’s so many tough fights I’ve lived through!

Virus: Just act like he’s normal, we’ll spare you, you help us!

Keith: Don’t try and get formal, you’ll never have my trust!

Virus: We were gonna nuke this pile But if he has a TV show,

Both: We could/You would let him live awhile, Interview and gather info!

Virus: If you really wanna save him Promise we won’t touch a byte If you get him that TV program You’re broadcasting at night!

Keith: That’s his show! You freaks can’t have it! Told you, no negotiations Hex is purer than a rabbit! Get your own darn station!

Virus: No deal, then? Gonna make this thing Overclock way past the point of breaking!

Keith: Not if I force-restart him! It all comes down to this, my heart is aching!

Hex: System warning: hard drive overheating Motherboard is critically dying Random access memory depleting Virus overloading, multiplying

Keith: You might think this is enough to shake me! And if not, you’ll leave him broke and worthless! But there’s nothing you can pull to make me Keep him from his bliss!

Virus: Drat, I thought that code would do it! Seems this hack might be a blowout! Wait, a hidden file! Review it! Copy it before he goes out!

Keith: Knew you couldn’t overpower me! Better run before he comes back! I’ll tell him to print your IP Track you down and counterattack!

Virus: This thing found the bomb we’ve been huntin’ down...

Keith: What? You’re after Whitty? You want his sound?

Virus: You don’t need to know why we need him!

Keith: Drop the robot, give it up, leave him!

Virus: You can have him, this is better...

Keith: We just took you down together!

Virus: Thanks for your help, this’ll be a big blast!

Keith: Go funk yourself, this hack best be your last!

Virus: (spoken) Goodbye for now, foolish counterhacker...This has been very...enlightening.

(As the song finishes, Hex’s system crashes and he prepares to go into sleep mode to try and get rid of the virus)

Keith: Phew...We did it...You okay, Hex?

Hex: Preparing to rest...Pre-sleep mode query: if I am a television...And I will have my own show...Will I broadcast myself?

Keith: Now that’s the real Hex!

Cherry: Uh...Keith?

Keith: What is it, Cherry?

(Cherry shows Keith the time on her phone)

Cherry: It’s one minute after ten.

Keith: Whaaaaaaaat?!

(Keith knows what this means. Suddenly, Daddy Dearest appears behind him out of nowhere)

Dad: Well, well. Look at the time.

Keith: I was saving this robot, I swear! He was big and heroic! And he’s got lots of talents to show you too! C’mon! C’mon, buddy! Tell him, Hex!

(Hex is entering sleep mode)

Hex: It is now safe to turn off your computer.

(Hex goes into sleep mode. Since Hex isn’t waking up, Keith knows that he is in big trouble)

Keith: I’m gonna miss that soul a lot more than I thought I would.

(But suddenly, Hex, who is now completely cured of his virus, wakes up, leaps up to his feet, and gives Dad a big ol’ sucker punch, sending him flying)

Dad: Oogh!

Hex: Hello world!

(Dad lands on the ground)

Dad: Ugh…

Hex: Want to play? I’m always ready!

Keith: Whoa! Hex! You saved me!

Hex: I did? Hooray!

Keith: And...you just...punched out the guy with the stage.

Hex: Oh dear.

(Yep...It’s going to be a while before Daddy Dearest can allow Hex to use his theater to film his TV show)