Hammond's Pie/Transcript

Prologue
HARMONSHIRE, 2018

[A 4 year old boy (later revealed to be Hammond) watches the semi finals of the 2018 World Cup on the TV. He is sitting on a sofa next to his grandfather.]

[On the TV, England shockingly loses to Croatia]

Hammond: Oh my! Will England ever win a World Cup?

Grandfather: They did, in 1966. I was there, and it was the happiest day of my life!

Hammond: Wow, getting there might not have been a piece of pie! (Pie echoes)

Chapter 1
48 YEARS LATER

[Hammond is later shown working at a pub, cleaning the tables]

Hammond: Gee, 3 days till the final. England sure is on a winning spree this year, and their best since 2018!

Gary: Yeah. 44 years of failure all building up to this epic moment.

Emma: It will not be like the 2018 one, where we hyped it as the best thing since the 1966 one, and we lost at the end! I'm ashamed of those stupid dances from a stupid video game now.

Unnamed elderly woman: Or Euro 96, where after we lost to the Germans, riots ensued, with damage to German made things!

Hammond: Oh, no, it will not be like that. We are already on a giant streak, the biggest since the summer of 66, where Beatles ruled the world and... well, England was just sunnier.

3 DAYS LATER

[Many people attend the pub, in big anticipation for the final, where England goes against Brazil. It is displayed on a gigantic projector screen outside the pub, but easily viewable from the window.]

Male pub-goer 1: I've been waiting for this day for literally my whole life.

Male pub-goer 2: Same here.

Female pub-goer 1: It's really gonna come home!

[Parts from the TV screen flash by, as the crowd grows more excited. England finally wins against Brazil in a 4-2 score. The whole crowd erupts in happiness, as well as the whole of the UK.]

TVARK sports reporter: Oh. My. Thames. I placed a very high bet on England, and I won it! £35 million of joy! I'm retiring right now! [The reporter then exits his chair.]

Female pub-goer 2: I'm staying here for the national anthem, the tributes to England 1966, and the reactions of everyone!

[A montage is then played, with Ain't No Stoppin Us Now playing in the background. Smartphone and smartwatch news headlines spin in place on the screen as the pub sees booming business in the wake of England's victory.]

Chapter 2
23 DAYS LATER

[Hammond is cleaning a table as fewer people visit the pub.]

Hammond: Well, it was good while it lasted.

Gary: Agreed. Still, if I had that bit of hope, we would see another boom.

[A customer comes in.]

Customer: Hi, can I order a parmo?

Bartender: Yes. That'll be £40, please.

[The customer then sits down at the table and the bartender then brings it to him.]

Hammond: Well, my shift is done. Toodaloo!

[We then cut to Hammond cooking a pie from whatever leftovers he can find in his house. He then serves it to his family.]

Emily: Mmmmmmm, this is the best pie ever!

David: What's in this pie?

Hammond: Oh, just some leftovers we had lying around.

Emily: These make a really solid combo!

Intermission
”INTERMISSION” appears in big letters on the screen as clips inspired by the BBC interludes of the 1950s play. A timer on the bottom left count down the time left before the film resumes. It lasts for 1 minute.