Daddy Dearest/Transcript

(Keith Sprite (aka Boyfriend) and Cherry Dearest (aka Girlfriend) are on the stage in an empty theater. Cherry is sitting on a stereo speaker)

Cherry: So, are you ready to practice?

Keith: (slightly nervous) Uh...Sort of. It's just...It's just that I don't want to mess up in front of you.

Cherry: Oh, I don't think you'll mess up. But if you do, then who cares? You just have to keep on trying. After all, if at first you don’t succeed, try again! Come on, I'll show you.

(The Tutorial song starts as Cherry teaches Keith about rapping and singing)

Tutorial
Cherry: Left, right. Left, right.

Keith: I'll go for you

Cherry: That's how you do it! Up, down. Up, down.

Keith: Show them our love

Cherry: That’s how you do it! Left, up. Down, right.

Keith: Our love is true

Cherry: Down, down, up! Down, down, right!

Keith: What we are dreaming of

Cherry: Down, up, right, up! Right!

Keith: I've got it now! I've learned and now I'm ready to go win!

(After the Tutorial song ends, Keith starts to feel a little more confident)

Cherry: See? You didn't mess up. I know you got this.

Keith: That was great! I’m glad I didn’t mess up even once. I think I’m ready to dominate the world as the next top rapper!

(Suddenly, Cherry sees her father, the demonic ex-rockstar Daddy Dearest, walk onto the stage)

Cherry: Uh-oh, here comes my dad. He doesn’t like it when I date a boy whom he doesn’t approve of.

Dad: Cherry, it’s time to come home. Your dinner is gonna get cold…

(Suddenly, he sees Keith standing next to the speakers)

Dad: What the-?! Who is this?

Cherry: Oh, him? Well, he’s…

Keith: The name’s Sprite...Keith Sprite! I’m an up-and-coming rapper who wants to touch on every music genre! And to an extent, your daughter.

Dad: So, kid, let me get this straight...you wanna date my daughter?

Keith: Yeah! I wanna kiss my hot girlfriend!

Dad: Hah! Not on my watch! Are you ready to get rocked to your core?

Keith: I ain’t gonna be defeated today. It’s on, old man! You ain’t ready for this problem! I’m one of the hottest rappers out right now. I’ll help you get with the times, then I’m gonna smooch this dime. Heheh...Ain’t that right, baby?

Cherry: Oh, Keith, please...

Dad: You’ve got some nerve trying to swoon my little girl while I’m right here. Since you’re new to this stuff, I’ll go easy on you, even though a pathetic human like you still won’t be able to beat me in this song. Daughter, cue the music, please.

Cherry: Uh, okay, Dad…

Keith: Don’t worry, Cherry, I’ll beat him. I can handle ANYTHING!

Cherry: Okay, good luck!

Dad: Allright, kid, let’s jam!

(Cherry presses a button on her portable music player and starts the song)

Bopeebo
Dad: Rock! Go, go!

Keith: Funk! Go, go!

Dad: Rock the floor!

Keith: Funk, we go!

Dad: Go, funk rock, go

Keith: Go, hip-hop, go

Dad: We own the floor!

Keith: We own the funk!

Dad: Be-ba-bo

Keith: Be-ba-bo

Dad: Bo-pee-ba

Keith: Bo-pee-ba

Dad: Bo-pee-bo

Keith: Bo-pee-bo

Dad: Rock the scoot, wa-ooh

Keith: Funk the scoot, wa-ooh

Dad: Punk rock, go!

Keith: The funk blows!

Dad: Funk! Rock! Don’t make me laugh!

Keith: Hip! Hop! Don’t make me laugh!

Dad: Ba-po-bo

Keith: Ba-po-bo

Dad: Ooooh!

Keith: Ooooh!

Dad: Bo-pee-bo

Keith: Bo-pee-bo

Dad: Rock the scoot, wa-ooh

Keith: Funk the scoot, wa-ooh

Dad: Bo-pee-bo-ba-bo!

Keith: Bo-pee-bo-ba-bo!

Dad: Rock the scoot, wa-ooh

Keith: Funk the scoot, wa-ooh

(Song finishes and Keith successfully defeated Dad)

Cherry: Wow, that was great, Keith! Nice job!

Keith: Haha, yeah! You know it, babe!

Dad: Grr...You think that was easy? Well, now comes the real test. Let's see if you can handle two more rounds, you pathetic loser. Time for you to show me just how badly you want my baby girl.

Keith: Bring it on, fool. I may be new to this, but I’m fresh and ready to rap! Hit me with anything, geezer!

(Cherry presses a button on her portable music player and starts the next song)

Fresh
Dad: *Beatboxes*

Keith: *Beatboxes*

Dad: *Beatboxes*

Keith: *Beatboxes*

Dad: We do funk!

Keith: We do funk!

Dad: All through the day

Keith: All through the day

Dad: The rock is over!

Keith: The rock is over!

Dad: We do the new scoot, yeah

Keith: We do the new scoot, yeah

Dad: We won, never lost, on the streets of funky flow!

Keith: We won, never lost, on the streets of funky flow!

Dad: On the streets of punk rock, we won the battle!

Keith: On the streets of hip-hop, we won the crown of...

Dad: We do funk! Funk! Funk!

Keith: We do funk! Funk! Funk!

Dad: All through the day, day

Keith: All through the day, day

Dad: The rock is o-ver!

Keith: The rock is o-ver!

Dad: We will do the new scoot, yeah

Keith: We will do the new scoot, yeah

Dad: We won, never lost, on the streets of funky flow!

Keith: We won, never lost, on the streets of funky flow!

Dad: On the streets of punk rock, we won the battle!

Keith: On the streets of hip-hop, we won the crown of…

Both: *Beatboxing*

(Song finishes)

Cherry: That wasn’t too bad. I didn’t know you two were so good at beatboxing.

Dad: W-What? What kind of hacks are you using? Humans can’t beat me in a song like that…

Keith: Hehe, I learn fast...I ain’t scared of anybody! Whatcha gonna do now, pops?

Dad: Well, I could challenge you to one more song. But it’s going to be even harder this time.

Cherry: Um, Dad, are you sure? He already beat you twice in a…

Dad: HUSH! He’s no match for this battle. Start the music, Daughter Dearest!

(Cherry presses a button on her portable music player and starts the next song)

Keith: Get ready, old man, ‘cause I’m gonna outsing you so hard, you’ll have to let me date your daughter no matter what!

Dad: We'll see about that.

Dad Battle
Dad: I’m Daddy Dearest, everyone knows my name, baby!

Keith: You’re Daddy Dearest, everyone knows your name, baby!

Dad: My shinin’ vocals drive all the ladies crazy!

Keith: My shinin’ vocals drive your baby girl crazy!

Dad: Like a demon from hell...These hot tracks make all my records sell!

Keith: Like a demon from hell...Your daughter’s got me under her spell!

Dad: (Now wait just a second, mister!) How can a rockstar Who’s gotten this far Trust his daughter’s safety with Some wimpy, shrimpy kid? Think you can rock the way I did? I’d like to see it Sing me somethin’ that’ll flip my lid!

Keith: (Now wait just a second, mister!) I know I’m no one Don’t got a big gun But your daughter’s safe with me! When things are looking dire I can flash some verbal fire Even the spookiest boys out there fear my ire!

Dad: Yo, that was tight! You know what, kid? You’re all right, baby!

Keith: I’ll hold her tight! Gonna treat your daughter right, baby!

Dad: Rock needs young folks like you to drive ladies crazy!

Keith: We’d better go, the air here is gettin’ hazy!

Dad: (Now wait just a second, mister!) Better be back by ten Or you’ll never date her or breathe again!

Keith: (Now wait just a second, mister!) I’ll be back here by ten I’ll be a considerate boyfriend!

Dad: Fine, guess you won. Beat this old man on your first try!

Keith: Yeah, guess I won. Beat that old man on the first try!

Dad: I’ll let you go, fight the good fight!

Keith: I will go now, fight the good fight!

(Song finishes)

Keith: Haha, that wasn’t too hard at all!

Cherry: Yippee! That was fantastic!

Dad: But...How…? How are you so good?!

Keith: See? I told you I would beat you! I’ll do anything for your girl, man. I really want her, I’ve proven myself worthy. I deserve this...I deserve her!

Dad: Oh yeah? Well, she’s been with other men, you know. Better men, at that. Better than you’ll ever be.

Keith: Even if they are better than me...Well, I don’t care! Being completely flawless just makes you lame! Your daughter knows what she’s doing. She picked me for a reason. Now stay out of her business, you old devil dude.

Dad: (knowing that he’s been beaten) F-fine, but mark my words...This isn’t OVER.

(Dad leaves the stage in a huff)

Keith: Thanks for helping me, Cherry. Your dad was no match for me.

Cherry: He sure wasn’t. Would you like to practice a little more before we go?

Keith: Absolutely! I want to find some more competitors to put my singing skills to the test!