Avenue Q Presents Grouch Trailer

This is a trailer of Avenue Q Presents Grouch. Almost all the dialogue and scenes are the same as the ones from the SNL Grouch skit. [We see footage of New York City, then we see Osmar and another garbageman working on some trash.]

Garbageman: Damn, that smells straight like ass.

[Osmar opens a trash can]

Osmar: I don't know. (sniffs) I kind of like it.

Garbageman: Yeah? You like trash so much, why don’t you live in it?

Osmar: (angrily) Why don't you bite me?!

Garbageman: Damn, Osmar, why are you such a grouch, man?

[Cut to narrative video]

Announcer: From the studio that brought you "Joker" and the twisted minds at Sesame Workshop, comes the next gritty antihero origin story.

[We then see Osmar talking to a therapist.]

Therapist: Why do you think you're always in such a bad mood?

[Osmar is then seen walking through the streets of Avenue Q.]

Osmar: That ain't me. Things are getting worse out there.

[Cut to TV news]

Pal Friendlies: The once-friendly neighborhood of Avenue Q has now become a haven of crime and corruption. I'm Pal Friendlies, PTN News.

[Cut to Osmar walking on the street]

Osmar: Hookers and pimps on every corner.

[Cut to Snuffrod and Peggy Fawn]

Snuffrod: Now, look, Peggy dog, you're one of Snuffrod's ho's, okay? And Snuffrod's ho's earn.

Peggy: I'm sorry, daddy.

Snuffrod: Bitch, you better shut your damn mouffagus!

[Cut to Osmar watching]

Osmar: People getting killed over nothing.

[Cut to an alley where Verne and Scotty are getting robbed]

Robber: Give me the teddy bear.

Verne: Scotty! Give it to him!

Scotty: Hell no, bitch!

[The robber attacks Scotty upon hearing that.]

Scotty: (as he gets stabbed) NO!

[As Scotty collapses, the robber steals his teddy bear and runs away with it.]

Verne: (holding the fatally stabbed Scotty) AAH! SCOTTYYYYY!!!

[Cut to Therapist]

Therapist: How does that make you feel?

Osmar: Grouchy.

[Cut to video clips of Osmar acting like Joker]

When everyone calls you trash, and everyone treats you like trash, why don't you just become trash?

Announcer: Variety asks, "Did we need a dark take on 'Oscar the Grouch?'" "No," says the New York Times. "Avenue Q outdid themselves this time," says the Wall Street Journal. The beloved Broadway stars are performing on streets like you've never seen before.

[Now we see Kieran walking down the hall with a concerned Torrie, Almo, Ginger, Budfire, Stanley, Sunspot, and Fuzzle.]

Kieran: The police are powerless against these criminals. The government, the military - they can't do a damn thing! (holds up a clenched fist, in a determined tone) Somebody's gotta take matters into their own hands.

[The others look at him in shock upon hearing what he was saying.]

Torrie: You don't mean...

Kieran: I do.

[Cut to Toxie Jr. looking out at the crime-ridden city.]

Toxic Avenger: (voiceover) This is your chance to kick some ass.

[We then see Toxie Jr. viciously attacking the robber who stole Scotty's teddy bear.]

Toxic Avenger: (voiceover) Rip off someone's arm.

[Toxie Jr. rips off the robber's knife arm with his brute strength, causing the robber to scream in excruciating pain.]

Toxic Avenger: (voiceover) Just like your dad.

[We then cut to police taking the badly wounded robber as a news reporter speaks.]

News Reporter: I'm standing here at the site of what authorities believe is yet another vicious attack by the son of the Toxic Avenger. A state of emergency has been declared, and citizens are asked to remain in their homes.

[Cut to a female bird at a nightclub.]

Heidi Gardner: Do you want to see this big bird dance?

[Cut to Alcindor Von Count getting himself some pills.]

Alcindor Von Count: One, two, three! Three pills for me!

[Cut to a caged Grizzle Ingrid and a suspicious-looking peddler woman glancing at each other with interest.]

Female voice: (voiceover) I'd like to adopt this bird.

[Cut to the peddler woman speaking to a pet shop owner.]

Pet shop owner: You two are perfect for each other!

[Cut to the peddler woman leaving with Grizzle Ingrid.]

Evil-sounding female voice: (voiceover) You have no idea.

[Cut to Cookie Mongoloid, now a hobo on the streets, receiving a cookie before devouring it.]

[Cut to Phil Phillips speaking with Sherman the Frog, Bixby Bear, and Boppity.]

Phil Phillips: So you three are crack investigative reporters and a photographer for the New York Times. We could use guys like you to help us.

Sherman the Frog: You can count on us, Phil. We'll help put a stop to those crooks before you know it.

[Cut to Gaby running down an alley until she finds herself at a dead end.]

Valerie Vomit: (voiceover) The time for running away is over!

[Cut to a group of dwarf-sized shadowy figures menacingly approaching her.]

Greaser Greg: (voiceover) Time to paint the town red! And this time, as what we're originally supposed to be...

[Cut to the shadowy figures revealing themselves to be none other than the Garbage Pail Kids.]

Greaser Greg: (voiceover) Fucking horror monsters!

[Gaby lets out a blood-curdling scream as the Garbage Pail Kids loom closer.]

[Cut to Sparra Bird with two other female birds hiding in a secluded part of the city, Sparra holding onto her egg.]

Female Bird #1: (nervously) Listen! He's coming!

Female Bird #2: Hush!

Sparra Bird: (whispering) Be quiet.

Female Bird #1: (panicked) He's coming closer!

Female Bird #2: Stay calm, don't get excited.

Female Bird #1: We'd better fly!

Female Bird #2: No! No, don't fly! Whatever you do, don't fly!

Female Bird #1: (losing her composure) He's almost here! (as she starts flying rapidly) I CAN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER!!!

[Sparra and the second female bird can only watch helplessly. Split Kit aims his gun toward the flying bird.]

Split Kit: (snickers evilly) Right on target.

[BANG! The gunshot echoes throughout the city, and the wounded bird falls to the ground. Ali Gator grabs it and devours it, getting blood and feathers everywhere.]

Ali Gator: (grins evilly) Mmmm! Tastes like chicken. (chuckles evilly)

Sparra Bird: (watching the gruesome scene, horrified) Oh, my God!!

[Cut to Phil, Connie Edwards, Sherman, Bixby, and Boppity meeting a familiar group as Phil smokes a cigarette.]

Bixby Bear: Who are you guys?

Mr. Burton: We're the ABC-Team, and we've heard a lot about you, Phil.

Connie Edwards: Hey, we've heard about you.

[Cut to scenes from the Survival Street comic being played.]

Connie Edwards: (voiceover) Puppet broadcasting shutdown, child labor, family separation, climate disasters, gun lobbies, for-profit prisons, privatized resources, forced birth, organ harvesting, shuttered schools, media propaganda, crumbling welfare, and a frowning town, all orchestrated by those damn corporations.

[Cut back to Phil, shaking his head in disgust.]

Phil Phillips: Fucking government bastards.

Sherman the Frog: What the hell has the government done?

[Cut to Constable Griswald arresting a Mexican girl puppet.]

Mexican girl: I'm innocent! I didn't sell any crack! You're arresting me because I'm Mexican and a puppet!

Griswald: (punches girl) Shut up, brownie! (shoves her in a police car) Get in there!

[Cut to Lt. Banning talking with Phil's group and the ABC-Team.]

Lt. Banning: ABC-Team, you have excellent potential. I have a proposition for you. If you agree to work with us, help put a stop to police corruption and all crime in Avenue Q, you will guarantee children and families their rights and freedom back. You will also become additional members of the Avenue Q cast to provide education again.

Birdie: Oh, yes, sir! We'll take the assignment!

Lt. Banning: Phil, Connie, and their investigative team are additional members of your team from now on. But be careful.

[Cut to the ABC-Team, Phil, Connie, Sherman, Bixby, and Boppity investigating a case as Lt. Banning continues via voiceover.]

Lt. Banning: With those Garbage Pail Kids and the Grouches running rampant, Avenue Q is a dangerous dump.

Osmar: (singing creepily) Sunny Day...

Announcer: From director Todd Phillips...

Osmar: (singing creepily) Sweeping the clouds away...

Announcer: ...and the writer of "P is for Potty."

Osmar: (singing creepily) On my way to where the air is sweet...

[Cut to an evil grinning Dead End Grouch outside the window of a passing taxicab, holding a trashcan lid with the word "GROUCH" on it.]

Can you tell me how to get...

[Cut to Osmar meeting the Garbage Pail Kids.]

Osmar: You are the ugliest, most disgusting bunch of kids I have ever seen. You're all beautiful!

Ali Gator: We're willing to do anything you want!

Osmar: I shall be the kingpin of the Garbage Pail Mafia, and you shall be my made grouches!

[The Garbage Pail Kids cheer at this.]

[Cut to Osmar speaking to a director as he is about to get onstage.]

Osmar: Would you do me one favor? Could you call me the Grouch?

Announcer: Brought to you by the letter R.

Osmar: Scram!