Whitty's Date Week/Transcript

Pre-Whitroll
(The episode begins with Whitty recalling the events of Back-Alley Blitz)

Whitty (narrating): So...let me catch you up. Ever since that blue-haired kid made me rap battle him last year, it's been harder to hide. I guess screaming your backstory and just...screaming in general is kind of a dead giveaway...Lucky for me, my girl Carol kept poppin' in whenever things got too stressful. But I still couldn't get what that kid said out of my head, no matter how much I tried...I do sound like a broken thrift shop guitar, dang it! Oh yeah, and the whole "Dearests might help me" bit too. So, a couple of hours ago, we tried it.

(Carol and Whitty arrive at the Dearests' to ask for forgiveness. Whitty is a little nervous that the Dearests will still be mad at him, but Carol reassures him that he'll be fine.)

Carol: Alright, big guy, you got this!

(Whitty tries to knock, but can't get the Dearest to answer)

Whitty: Ughhh...

(Carol rings the doorbell for Whitty. Sure enough, Daddy Dearest and Mommy Mearest open the door and immediately recognize their former bomb-headed partner)

Mom: Whitmore?!

Dad: Ol' Bomb-Head?

(Whitty is overjoyed that they still recognize him, and they too are happy to see him again)

Whitty: You...remembered those old names?

Mom: Oh, we missed you so much, hon!

Dad: Yeah! Now, please go away forever!

Whitty: Huh?

Mom: Don't get me wrong. We'd love to talk things out with you, Whitmore, but at a safe distance. Preferably another state.

Dad: We didn't mind you detonatin' when we had nothin', but we're homeowners now!

Whitty (slightly embarrassed): Yeah, I get it. If I had a place like this, I wouldn't want me in it, either.

Dad: Don't tell me you're still on the streets, Bomb Head...

Mom: Don't tell me you're still on our streets, Whitmore...

Whitty: Yeah...Been on the run for longer than I can remember. A lotta people want this time bomb to stop tickin'.

Mom: Well, we can't have that happening...Tell you what. We'll set you up with a place far, far away from here, install a magically-enhanced security system to keep any natural and supernatural enemies out...

Dad: And fill the sucker with plenty of fish tanks to dunk yer ol' bomb head into if you feel like 'splodin'!

Mom: But...you can't ever set foot into this city again.

Whitty: How do I know you'll hold up your end?

Mom: A deal with a demon is magically binding. We literally can't cheat our way out of it, hon.

Dad: And neither can you.

Whitty: Nghhh, I dunno...

Carol: Whitty, I know it's not perfect, but this might be your only chance to stop running and start living! You should take it!

(Knowing that his deal is inevitable, Whitty hesitantly takes up the deal)

Dad: So, do we have a deal?

Whitty: ...Okay. Deal.

Mom: Wonderful! I'll have my demons start setting up your place. It'll take a bit, so we'll meet up at midnight. Go ahead and finish up any business you've got around town before then.

Dad: Bye bye, Bomby!

(The Dearests go back inside their mansion. Knowing that Whitty doesn't have much time left before he moves away for good, Carol decides to make the most of their time together)

Carol: This is great, Whitty! Just a few more hours 'til you're safe for good!

Whitty: Yeah! We can finally leave this dump!

Carol: Actually, I...gotta stay here. It's for my job. I'm sure you'll do great alone, though!

Whitty: Oh...Y-yeah...

(Whitty then realizes that his deal with the Dearest might have been a little mistake)

Whitty (narrating): As we walked away, I looked at her warm smile and realized the huge mistake I just made...When you spend so long with someone, you never really think about what you've got 'til you lose it. And she probably doesn't know how I feel about her to begin with...

(It is then revealed that Whitty was telling his story to his friend Hex on the basketball court)

Whitty: What am I s'posed to do now?

Hex: Hmm...You should ask her on a date! I am sure she will say "yes"! Or maybe "no". Or "I never want to see you again!" Or just a simple "maybe". Who knows? According to my databases on television date proposals, there is a thirty-three percent chance of each!

Whitty: What's the other one percent?

Hex: That one was a commercial for bananas. Hey, maybe she will give you bananas when you ask! Big winner!

Whitty: Thanks, Hex...I'll give it a try.

(Whitty goes over to Carol's house to ask her out on a date. He knocks on the door, and Carol's housemate and ex-girlfriend, Sunday, answers. She appears to be sleepy, as if she had just been woken up from a long nap)

Sunday: (yawns) Mail's early today...

Whitty: What the-? Who are you?

Sunday: Huh...? I didn't know the bomb I ordered for my protest of the Dearest oligarchy could walk and talk! Niiice...

(Just then, Carol appears)

Carol: (chuckles nervously) Classic Sunday! Always accidentally ordering things...that could get us arrested. Sorry, Mr. Delivery Man, this one's returning to sender, too.

(Suddenly, she notices Whitty)

Carol: Oh, it's you!

Sunday: You know the bomb?

Carol: Let's talk outside, Whitty.

(Carol steps outside to talk to Whitty)

Carol: So...what'cha here for?

Whitty: It's just that I...I...um...I was thinkin'...that maybe...um...I guess...i-if you want...

Carol: Need some help, big guy?

Whitty: I, uh...yeah?

(Without warning, Carol grabs Whitty by his bomb head)

Carol: May you be blessed with courage.

(Using her angel powers, Carol grants Whitty the courage to tell her what he wants)

Carol: Now, are you ready to tell me whatever you wanted to ask me before you run outta time to?

Whitty: (with his newfound courage) Oh, I just wanna spend the night out with you before I have to move away forever.

(Suddenly, Whitty snaps out of this state)

Whitty: Huh??? How'd you do that?!?!

Carol: Hahah! You're not the only one with secret techniques, you know.

Whitty: Really? Cool! Um, so, uh...you free at eight?

Carol: It's a date. Let's make your last night in town unforgettable! I know the fanciest, funkiest restaurant in Philly, so wear your Friday best, and I'll see you there....Whitmore.

(She playfully boops Whitty where one would regularly have a nose, causing him to blush like mad and pass out)

Whitty: N-nailed it...

(Later that night, Whitty arrives at the restaurant to meet up with Carol)

Whitty: Okay, here I am...I hope you weren't waiting too long, Carol. Aghh, I'm sorry...

Carol: You're nervous, aren't you? How about we sing a little song to calm you down?

Whitty: You wanna...sing? I-I really don't know about this...

(With that, the first song begins)

Whitroll
Carol: Just relax... I came here just for you!

(Feeling a little hesitant at first, Whitty joins in)

Both: Sing this track And bid your woes adieu, Whitty.../That's somethin' I can do...

Carol: Feel any better?

Whitty: Least we're together...

Carol: For once, you don't have to run!

Whitty: I guess this is pretty fun...

Carol: No more jumpin' into back alleys!

Whitty: No more funkin' up my finales!

Carol: Your life is gonna be yours, once you get in that car You'll open a brand new door! So long, ex-rockstar!

Whitty (overlapping): I feel a little forlorn that I'm movin' so far

Carol: Come on, live in the present! Don't sweat it! You've got a lot of time to plan! Chill while ya can! No need to fear Just you and me up here tonight, dear! You'll do just fine on your own!

Whitty: When escape's all you know Goin' slow And takin' a breather, settlin' down in a new town Is sorta terrifying Carol, I ain't lyin'! How can I do this alone?

Carol: You won't be alone, phones exist, remember?

Whitty: Oh that's right, they do! Got one last December!

Carol: When you're stressin' out, call me and I got you! I'll be there to lend you a guiding hand!

Whitty (overlapping): Had so many doubts, but now I won't need to! You're the only one that understands...

Carol: In a month or two, you won't even need me!

Whitty: But bein' with you kinda makes me happy...

Carol: Bein' with you makes me happy too, dude... Whitty, are you blushing, look at you! So cute! That's the job that Carol does the best! Means a lot to hear on the spot! That once you're there... You still wanna prove how much you care!

Whitty (overlapping): It's a little hard to confess But... Spendin' time around you, I feel blessed! My best! Wanna keep on talkin' once I'm there! Even after I move away I'm gonna care!

Both: We're a perfect pair!

(The song ends)

Whitty: Wow, I said a lotta mushy stuff, huh? I must sound like a total dork...

Carol: Oh, Whitty, there's nothing wrong with talking about your feelings!

Whitty: Then I guess, I can admit, uh...

(Suddenly, the waiter appears)

Waiter: Hello, you two! Hope you're enjoying your time here at Fancy Funkers! Juuust wanted to remind you before you order that we require payment for your meals in advance. We take cash and Funkcoin investments.

Carol: Aw, funk, I forgot my purse in the rush to prepare. Can you cover for us tonight?

Whitty: I would, but I...uh...Spent almost everything I had on this suit. I'm not too rich, you know...

Carol: Hmm, I've got an idea. Give me that wallet.

(Whitty gives Carol his wallet and she ducks under the table to use her angel powers again)

Carol: May you be blessed with fortune.

(But just as she's about to bless Whitty with fortune, she realizes her powers are a little too loud)

Carol: Hey, not so loud! We're in public.

(Carol reserves her powers to give Whitty more money. She then gets back up to pay the waiter)

Carol: I think this should cover everything.

(The waiter investigates the money and notices something suspicious)

Waiter: Huh? What is this ancient, cryptic currency?

Carol: Oh come on! I told the Head Angel to update the stupid coins months ago!

Waiter: We're a restaurant, not a museum! GET OUT!

(Whitty and Carol are kicked out of the restaurant)

Carol: Argh, stupid backwards workplace, ruining our night...

Whitty: Hey, it'll be alright. It only took us a half hour to go back and get your purse.

Carol: Yeah. I just wish Sunday didn't borrow fifty dollars from it for...(sighs) What'd she say...Tactical gear...?

Whitty: I mean, you can never be too safe...

Carol: But you can be too poor. Where are we gonna get a meal for two for ten bucks at this time of night?

(Knowing they have no choice, Carol and Whitty decide to go to Rick E. Ricotta's for their meal. At the restaurant, Rick E. comes walking over to their table. Carol is a little creeped out)

Rick E.: Heyo-hiyo! Thanks for dining at Rick E. Ricotta's! At night.

(Rick E. serves Carol and Whitty their dinner)

Rick E.: Enjoy yer pizza!

(Rick E. leaves, and Carol is a little disappointed)

Carol: Well, it's not as special as Fancy Funkers, but...

(Since he's really hungry, Whitty eats the whole pizza in one bite)

Whitty: Food good.

(Carol cannot help but laugh at Whitty's gluttony)

Carol: Glad you like it.

Whitty: Looks like it's a good thing you got that weird roommate after all.

Carol: Ehh...sometimes I wish I could live somewhere else like you. Now that I think of it...

(The second song starts)

Perfume
Carol: Ya put any thought into plans For your new place?

Whitty: Don't spend a whole lot of time thinkin' 'bout my space...

Carol: If there's anything you need, I'm pretty sure the Dearests could buy it...

Whitty: It'd be pretty nice to read news in my bed You think I could try it?

Carol: C'mon, you're thinkin' small! A newspaper is barely twenty cents, think big!

Whitty: I'd really have a ball if I could surf One of those world wide web shindigs!

Carol: Gosh, you're soundin' like a boomer! And I don't just mean that 'cause your head's a bomb!

Whitty: Look, this is my first real room Don't wanna lose it, I'm not like you, can't stay calm...

Carol: You think that I'm calm and collected? Try livin' with me! Gotta upkeep the place, 'cause if I don't, my face Gets blown off by my roommate's messy weaponry!

Both: My whole life is nothin' but stress, so It's such a relief To take a night out, pick a sight out, get a bite out With the only person who gets all my grief...

Carol: Work really ain't helpin' things as well They say it's like heaven, but it's hell Everyone's old, stuck in their ways Nobody else still uses parchment these days!

Whitty: Oh wow...

Carol: But when I see your faint smile I know it's all worth my while, babe... This night is our only reprieve Let's make it last! Forget that you're goin' to leave! We still got some time left to pass!

Whitty (overlapping): You've had it even tougher than I knew And even with all that to fight through You took the time to help me find A buncha hiding spots to huddle into! Each time I see you smile I want it to last a little more!

Both: I'm glad that I left my bedroom/I'm glad that we broke up the gloom It feels so right/And made things right To smother my worries with perfume/Feels nice bein' smothered in perfume Funkin' on a Friday night!

(The song ends)

Carol: Wow...How did a laid-back song and a greasy rat pizza bring out all of that?

Whitty: Yeeeah, it'll do that, sorry...I thought your perfume would mask the smell.

Carol: I meant your emotions, Whitty.

Whitty: Oh, r-right, those...

Carol: It's just nice to see you openin' up for once, y'know?

Whitty: Yeah, about that...I've been meanin' to tell ya...

(Suddenly, a man with a cloud for a head comes into the restaurant. It's Updike, who's been hunting Whitty for years)

Updike: Pardon me, fine patrons. I am seeking a missing man and any persons he may associate with. Have any of you seen this individual recently?

(Updike shows the workers a wanted poster of Whitty. The living bomb sees Updike and is horrified)

Whitty: Oh no, not him! Carol, get down!

(Whitty pulls Carol under the table)

Carol: Is he one of your hunters?

Whitty: The most ruthless of 'em all...

(Updike catches a whiff of Whitty's scent)

Updike: Is that the smell of char?

(Updike gets closer to Whitty and Carol's table)

Carol: Ughhh...really? On our last night together?

Whitty: Gonna be our last night period if he finds us...Unless you can bless him with a heart attack or somethin'...

Carol: That's not how it works...Listen. I'll go out there and buy you time to run to the Dearests.

Whitty: But Carol, what if he...

Carol: Don't worry about me, okay? I can probably take whatever he's got.

(Whitty starts to freak out)

Whitty: NO! Won't let him hurt you...

(Whitty stars to go ballistic)

Whitty: Blow up this whole place before I let him touch you...

(But just as he's about to explode, Carol immediately puts out his fuse)

Carol: Whitty, calm down! We can get out together!

(But Whitty goes ballistic again and gets ready to blow up)

Whitty: DON'T STOP ME...LEAVE...RUN...

Carol: Oh, geez...Look, I know we angels are not allowed to hurt mortals, but if you guys don't want another crater full of corpses in town...I could really use a miracle right now.

(Suddenly, the power goes out. Updike tries to turn the lights back on, but to no avail. Suddenly, Rick E. appears from behind him)

Rick E.: Congraaaatulations, millionth customer!

(Horrified, Updike pulls out his gun)

Rick E.: You win a biiiiig....Rick E. Hug!

(Rick E. tackles Updike, causing him to drop his gun)

Updike: Ughh! Unhand me, you mechanical monstrosity!

Carol: Huh. Weird miracle, but okay!

(Carol puts out Whitty's fuse again, calming him down)

Carol: Whitty! The coast is clear! Let's move!

Whitty: H-huh? Got it!

(He grabs Carol and rushes out of the restaurant. Their last stop for their date is the carnival)

Carol: Whew. You should be safer way out in the open than you were in that cramped restaurant.

Whitty: But...I put you in danger...I should go...

Carol: I'll be fine. It's the other 50,000 citizens in your blast range I'm worried about. So no more exploding tonight, okay?

Whitty: Yeah, okay...

Carol: Now, why don't we wrap this night up with one more song? I can't wait to see what this one brings out.

Whitty: Uh...m-me too...

(And so, the final song begins)

Heartbass
Carol: When I'm with you Even when things are intense I know that we can squeeze through the toughest predicaments

Whitty: When I'm with you I'm filled with quiverin' dread I'm gonna screw up, and you'll wind up sad, angry, or dead!

Carol: You can be a bit erratic You drive me crazy with your on-the-dime meltdown times And your near-constant panic!

Whitty: Sometimes you can overwhelm me You drive me crazy with that pretty face, kind embrace Makes me feel like I'm not worthy

Carol: But when I look in your eyes In an instant, I can realize Even though you're gruff and shy You're actually a sweet and caring guy...

Whitty: But when I look in your eyes In an instant I can realize No one else ever could be As caring and sweet as you are to me

Carol (overlapping) Your eyes... Just make me realize no one could be As good as you Have been to me

Both: Really!

Carol: Wow, what a rush, my heart is racing, thinking things I've never thought...

Whitty: Is this a crush? My brain is pacing back and forth, could be my big shot!

Carol: C'mon, just admit it! Don't make me use another technique...

Both: It's now or never!

Carol: There ain't gonna be no more date weeks!

Whitty: I'll speak! Hey, by the way, I've got a confession But it's a lot, think you can take it?

Carol: Go on, it's fine, get the impression You'll feel better once you make it!

Whitty: Okay, here I go then... Deep breaths, Whitty, any day now!

Both: Whitty, I love you!/I think I like you!

Whitty: And I kinda hope you feel the same way now!

Carol: I'm relieved you feel the same! Kinda figured you were crushin' on me! When I call your name, your face gets all red, so adorably!

Whitty: Can't believe you feel the same! All my secret dreams are comin' true! Feared I would get you maimed But through all the stress, fell in love with you! So, like... Does this all mean that we're a couple And, like, we get to hug or somethin'?

Carol: Sure, if you want, we can snuggle Til your ride away starts comin'!

Whitty: Promise I'll be gentle! You're really soft, don't wanna squish ya!

Carol: (Maybe I'll kiss ya!)

Whitty: And if it's alright, We can sit in the moonlight and I'll kiss ya...

Carol: Geez, look at that goofy grin! Does romance get ya that excited?

Whitty: I feel weird! I've never been so frightened, anxious, and delighted!

Both: Who'd have known if we just sung some rhymes We could be together

Carol: And we sure woulda had a lot more time...

Whitty: (More time...)

Carol: Runnin' short now... I know that you gotta go But for the rest of my life, our love will still grow!

Whitty: No idea how I'll cope with seein' you go But when you're with me, I know Together...

(Updike walks by and notices Whitty is there, so he pulls out his gun and prepares to shoot the living bomb. But just as he's about to pull the trigger, he gets trampled over by a crowd of people who have come to cheer Whitty and Carol on as they sing the final chorus)

Both: We can take on any threat! With all of the good friends we've met! Distance can't tear us apart When we sing a song that comes from the heart! Sure, true love like this is rare... But I'll be waitin' right there, I'll visit one day!/But I'll know you're waitin' for me there If I can clear it with work and get a ride/Somebody in this crowd could give you a ride Or could just borrow some cab fare/Or spot you cab fare! Might have taken three whole songs But I'm glad I know you care!

(The song finishes, and the scene transits to Whitty and Carol enjoying the moonlight. Meanwhile, Pico and Sunday have teamed up to tie up and gag Updike as punishment for trying to kill Whitty)

Carol: Wow...That was incredible...

Whitty: Yup...And now it's all over.

Carol: Did you have a good time?

Whitty: It was the happiest night of my life. Just wish I didn't have to say goodbye to everyone that made it so happy now...Especially you. Aghh, I can't believe I took that stupid deal!

Carol: I know it's gonna hurt, but remember, you made the best decision for yourself and everyone else here.

Whitty: Yeah, I'm sure...It just...still feels bad. You wouldn't know.

Carol: Oh, I would.

Whitty: Huh?

Carol: When I took my job as a guardian angel, I gave up literal paradise for a cramped apartment with a Marxist metalhead. My lazy days became an exhausting patrol of the city and I was ready to go back to the easy life.

Whitty: Then why are you still here?

Carol: One day, I found you.

Whitty: Wait, do you mean...The day I blew it at the recording studio?

Carol: I focused so much on what I gave up, I'd forgotten why I took the job in the first place. To help people. It was hard for me to push you to take that deal too, y'know? You lose a lot of friends when your job picks 'em...You're one of the only ones I got to keep. Up 'til now...I wasn't ready for it to end...but with all the people trying to use, abuse, or destroy you here, I knew the difficult choice was the right choice to make.

Whitty: Ughh...you've got a good point. I guess that makes losing each other a price worth payin', right?

Carol (tearfully): I don't know if it does....

Whitty: Carol! Please don't cry...I'll...uhh...I'll make sure it was worth it, then! I'll stay safe at my new pad! I'll meditate and get a therapist and drink that tea that doesn't taste too good but makes you calm! And make sure I'll never blow it again!

Carol: (smiles and dries her tears) That...would make me...very happy.

(Just then, the Dearests' limo arrives)

Mom: Allright, Whitmore. Time to go.

Whitty: Welp, that's my ride...I guess this is goodbye. Don't forget me, okay?

Carol: I won't. And so you don't forget me...Take this.

(Carol turns into her angel form and kisses Whitty on the lips, causing him to blush and his fuse to light up, but she quickly puts it out)

Whitty: Whoa...What...was that?

Carol: (reverts to her human form) My unbeatable technique. The kiss of an angel.

(Carol gives Whitty a hug to say goodbye)

Carol: I hope you enjoy your new place. Remember, even when we're apart, I'll always be watching you from the heavens. So long, my bomb-headed sweetie, and may the angels protect you.

(Whitty gets into the limo for the ride to his new home. He looks at a picture of him and Carol, and smiles)

Whitty: Carol...Thank you for everything, my sweet angel. I hope I'll see you again soon.