Star-Lord and the Guardians of the Galaxy (Marvel;Re Relaunch)/Issue 1

This is issue one of Star-Lord and the Guardians of the Galaxy (Marvel;Re Relaunch).

Transcript
The issue begins in a giant casino area as Armageddon alongside some Troyjans are communicating.


 * Armageddon: Is the fleet ready?
 * Troyjan: Yes, lord Armageddon. But why are you trusting that reptilian mercenary?
 * Armageddon: His name is Reptyl, and he saved my life. Trusting him is the best I can do to repay him. Now silence and prepare the invasion.
 * Troyjan: Yes sir!

Suddenly, Star-Lord walks in listening to Copacapana by Barry Manilow as Armageddon and the Troyjans look at him confused.


 * Armageddon: Who invited this Terran?
 * Troyjan: I don't think anyone has my liege. Shall we exterminate him?
 * Armageddon: YES!

The Troyjans begin firing as Star-Lord removes his mask and gives a fake shocked face.


 * Star-Lord: Rude!

He pulls out his elemental blasters as he begins firing normal blaster fire while moving around and dancing while the music keeps blarring.


 * Armageddon: What do you want Terran?!
 * Star-Lord: Simple, we are robbing you.
 * Armageddon: Jokes on you Terran, I have an ace up my sleeves. (he pulls up a communicator) Reptyl come in. (static) Reptyl?! Come in you bastard!

Cuts to a few minutes earlier as Reptyl is in the security room drinking beer with a Spartoi girl in his arms.


 * Reptyl: Holy shit, you're so good. I flarking love this cash that Troyjan dictator is giving me.
 * Spartoi: Of course.

She starts to caress him and starts to slightly reveal a blade as suddenly a knife enters the Spartoi girl's back.


 * Reptyl: Nooooo! BASTARD! SHOW YOUR FACE YOU COWARD!
 * ???: Heh, calling the deadliest woman in the galaxy a coward is certainly a choice.

Gamora walks in with her blade.


 * Reptyl: Well, well, well, isn't it the daughter of the mad titan. Why did you kill that Spartoi.
 * Gamora: She was an assassin, working for the Universal Church of Truth, I saved your life.
 * Reptyl: Ha! The deadliest woman in the galaxy saved the life of a humble pirate! Why?
 * Gamora: We need you alive.
 * Reptyl: For what?
 * Gamora: This.

Gamora starts to walk to him as she kicks him in the balls as he screams.


 * Reptyl: YOU BITCH!

Gamora grabs his arm and twists it and uses her feet to rapidly kick Reptyl in the face as he gets knocked out as Gamora hears noises from a communicator and grabs it.


 * Armageddon: (on communicator) Reptyl?! Come in you bastard!
 * Gamora: Oh, I'm sorry, Reptyl is out of commision.

It cuts back to Armageddon and Star-Lord.


 * Armageddon: At least I still have my batallion of ships that can be used to eliminate you and your lady friend.
 * Star-Lord: Oh you do?

It cuts to space outside of the casino as all of the ships are focused on one man, Adam Warlock, as he gives a smirk.


 * Warlock: Shoot me.

The ships proceed to fire at Warlock as his skin deflects the beams and missiles.


 * Warlock: My turn.

He proceeds to fire a massive laser beam that begins to destroy the fleet as Warlock taps his communicator.


 * Warlock: Raccoon and Tree, how is the process on the robbery?

It cuts to Rocket Raccoon and Groot in a vault in the casino as Rocket is starting to unlock the vault.


 * Rocket: Patience! I can't break into a vault with you telling me to hurry up!
 * Groot: I am Groot.
 * Rocket: Groot, you aren't helping.
 * Groot: I am Groot!
 * Rocket: Just keep watch!

Rocket keeps using tools as he soon opens up the vault and sees gold among a bunch of rare valuables.


 * Rocket: Now Groot! (grabs his communicator) Dave, prepare the Milano.

It cuts to the Milano as a Kree is sitting on the Milano eating some candy as he hears this.


 * Dave: Ugh fine.

He pilots the Milano as it crashes into the casino as Star-Lord grins while Gamora, Rocket and Groot run in as Armageddon growls.


 * Armageddon: What are you?
 * Star-Lord: Oh simple, we are the Guardians of the Galaxy, motherf-

Suddenly dozens of Nova Corps ships surrond the casino as a voice speaks on the communicator.


 * Titus: (on communicator) Guardians of the Galaxy, you are under arrest.
 * Star-Lord: Shit.

A title card shows as it cuts to the Guardians all in cells, with the strange exception of Dave.


 * Rocket: Flarking great Quill. Now we are in jail!
 * Star-Lord: You expected me to know that the Nova Corps were to come?
 * Rocket: Well no but I knew the plan was stupid.
 * Groot: I am Groot!
 * Rocket: Shhh.
 * Warlock: I suggest we wait. We can explain to them that we did this robbery to stop the Universal Church of Truth from getting there first.
 * Gamora: Nova Corps doesn't believe in folktales.
 * Warlock: But aren't they themselves pretty weird?
 * Gamora: Ugh, forget it.

Suddenly Nova centurions Titus and Ko-Rel walk in with Dave.


 * Titus: Thanks for letting us know about this robbery Dave. Now you can leave.
 * Dave: Thanks.

He nods and leaves with a grin.


 * Rocket: DAVE FLARKING BETRAYED US!
 * Star-Lord: Why did you trust Dave?
 * Rocket: He was cheap.
 * Ko-Rel: Well, isn't it the "legendary" Guardians of the Galaxy. Tell us, why did you try that robbery?
 * Star-Lord: Okay there's three reasons. Reason numero one, we heard of Armageddon's plans of invasion and realized we had to stop it. And then we learned the Universal Church of Truth pl-

Titus bursts into laughter.


 * Titus: You believe in that fairytale?
 * Warlock: It is not a fairy tale, Tiger.