Marvel Spotlight (Marvel;Re)/A Howard the Duck Christmas

This is an issue of Marvel Spotlight.

Synopsis
Howard the Duck, while Black Friday shopping, gets thrust in a giant conspiracy and deals with various crazy events.

Transcript
It begins in a Best Buy as people are shopping, including Howard the Duck. Suddenly he cuts in line of someone.


 * ???: Bitch! You dare cut in front of me?!
 * Howard: What are you gonna do? Hulk out?
 * ???: Far worse.

He begins to mutate into a giant reptilian as Howard's jaw completely drops to the floor.


 * ???: YUUUUU EEEEEEEES AAAAAAAAY!

He is revealed to be American Kaiju.


 * Howard: Todd Todd I was joking about you hulking out. Please don't kill me. Umm here are your gifts. I can pay them for you.

American Kaiju roars as Howard touches the Avengers Wave, hoping that a team of Avengers come to save him. Suddenly he sees two Avengers. Balder and Hercules.


 * Balder: This seems fun.

Hercules hugs Howard.


 * Howard: Why is it just you two?
 * Balder: Because everyone else is either busy or dead.
 * Howard: Wait what?
 * Hercules: What do you need help with?

Howard points at American Kaiju.


 * Hercules: Ah. I fought giant lizards before.
 * Howard: Are you sure there is nobody else that can help?
 * ???: I can.

A mysterious man drops down in a very cool pose.


 * Howard: Who are you?
 * ???: A friend.
 * Howard: Seriously. Who are you?
 * ???: I... am... TYPEFACE!

Everyone starts laughing, even American Kaiju who stopped causing chaos to laugh.


 * Typeface: What's so funny?
 * Balder: Your name.
 * Hercules: Who in their right minds call themselves Typeface?
 * Howard: What's next? The Peeper?!

Peeper, who is also Black Friday shopping, quickly runs away. Hercules, realizing that American Kaiju is laughing too: begins throwing him across buildings as so does Balder. While this is happening: Howard sees a mysterious man giving Necro a gift.


 * Howard: Wait: that's the guy with a muzzle.
 * Typeface: I can get him.
 * Howard: What are you going to do? Type on his face.
 * Typeface: I am basically the Punisher.
 * Howard: But with a dumb motif?
 * Typeface: It's not dumb! We should probably hunt after this Muzzle guy!

They run after him as Howard accidentally knocks a Barbie out of Punisher's hands. He chuckles nervously and gives Punisher the Barbie back. Howard and Typeface continue rummaging through various people as Howard jumps on Necro.


 * Necro: Agh! It's a duck! And a guy with letters on his face!
 * Typeface: What is that gift?
 * Necro: I-I-it's a virus. Somebody wanted me to use it on a Black Friday shopper filled store. I think for something like "Christmas must be ruined".
 * Howard: Who gave it?!
 * Necro: I-I don't know. All I know is that he gave me this.

He hands him a card saying "B" as Hercules and Balder return.


 * Howard: How would you two feel about going on an epic quest to save Christmas?
 * Hercules: FUCK YEAH!

He kisses Balder on the lips.


 * Balder: ... I'm not gay.
 * Hercules: I'm not either. I am in love with anyone of any type.
 * Balder: Oh. That's weird.
 * Howard: I think I know where the villain is.

They follow him as Howard ends up bumping into The New Warriors as he quickly gets up and runs off. They then arrive to a giant bell tower as Dr. Bong jumps down and laughs evilly.


 * Balder: Who is this?
 * Dr. Bong: I am Doctor Bong! And I want to destroy Black Friday! Which in turn will ruin Christmas!
 * Typeface: Why do you want to destroy Christmas?
 * Dr. Bong: Do you want the long and tragic or the short and sweet one? No answer? OK, I was made fun of as a teen for still believing in Santa so this virus will turn everyone into elves!

They stare at him.


 * Howard: What? That's your big evil plan? Turn everyone into elves? That is lazy writing. (to audience) Yes I break the fourth wall now.
 * Hercules: I don't see any walls that are broken.
 * Dr. Bong: Prepare to become an elf!
 * Howard: Wait this is not Dr. Bong.

He jumps on Bong and unmasks him to be Super Skrull. Howard then unmasks him to be Chameleon. Then finally, Howard unmasks him to be the Dark Overlord of the Universe.


 * Typeface: Who are you?
 * Dark Overlord: I am the Dark Overlord of the Universe. And I want revenge on you Howard the Duck. Well you didn't but another universe's version of you banished me here. So I captured Dr. Bong and manipulated Todd Ziller and Necro. So prepare to die Howard.

Howard and the Dark Overlord fight as Howard ends up throwing him into an electric pipe shocking him as he screams.


 * Howard: Wanna go to drink a beer?
 * Hercules: Sure.

They walk into the sunset as issue ends.