Doofenshmirtz Inn/Transcripts

♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.! ♪


 * Doofenshmirtz: Look at all this trash! Those dunderheads were supposed to haul it off three weeks ago!

[Doofenshmirtz jumps in the Be-Gone-Inator and tries to fire it at the trash before being interrupted.]
 * Norm: Sir, rather than taking the trash out in a blaze of glory, might I suggest you contact the requisite government entities?

(In the town hall.)
 * Doofenshmirtz: It's my brother Roger, who has been elected mayor! Look at him. He's honest and reputable and, ugh, law-abiding! My trash should've been collected three weeks ago.

[Roger looks over his files and takes Doofenshmirtz's file, reading it.]
 * Roger Doofenshmirtz: Mm-hm. You're in luck, Heinz. This is an election year. I'll take care of it immediately.

[Scene Change: Outside Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.]

(A recycling truck comes to take the garbage out of the dumpster.)


 * Doofenshmirtz: Doofenshmirtz: one. Trash: zero.

[Doofenshmirtz blows a party kazoo. The garbage man walks to Doofenshmirtz, holding the bill.]


 * Garbage Man: Would you care to pay the fee now or by mail?

[Doofenshmirtz snatches the bill and reads it.] Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Let me see that. [Crumples up the bill] This is highway robbery! Now I regret blowing the kazoo.

(In the town hall.)


 * Doofenshmirtz: [Angrily] You're charging me for trash collection? I thought the government was supposed to do things for free. That's why everyone else pays taxes.
 * Roger Doofenshmirtz: The amount of garbage you have this month was way above the limit! So you have to pay a one time fee. If you don't, I'll foreclose on Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!

[Scene Change: Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., living room.]

[Doofenshmirtz is looking around his living room, peeking under the couch searching for money.]
 * Doofenshmirtz: There's got to be money around here somewhere. Maybe I can get a few bucks for my Make-Up-Your-Mind-inator. Nah, but I can never part with that. I made it at summer camp.
 * Norm: Might I suggest selling your Shrinkinator? You haven't used it since you turned it into a planter. You forgot to unplug it.
 * Doofenshmirtz: No, I need to come up with a well-thought-out common-sense plan to raise the money I need. [Stands up] I know! I'll turn my evil lair into a resort hotel.
 * Norm: And how are you going to find people who want a vacation in an evil lair?

(Flynn-Fletcher home; in the living room)