The Avengers (Marvel;Re)/Issue 1 (GazzaB9)

The first issue of Ant-Man's Avengers team in Marvel;Re and the first part of the "Hell of a Heist" story arc.

Synopsis
A grieving family hires Ant-Man's Avengers to save their daughter's soul after it's taken by the demon lord Mephisto in a botched deal.

Plot
A woman in a black dress quietly hums to herself while gently stroking the head of a little girl lying on her lap. The woman tilts the girl's head slightly to see her face, revealing her eyes are completely black. The woman smiles. Meanwhile at Avengers Mansion, the Wasp is arguing with Captain America and Thor. Janet nods at Steve. Sometime later, Ant-Man's Avengers team are gathered in the middle of an unspecified room, which appears to be some kind of meeting hall. Hercules stands on a small stage and speaks into a microphone. Hercules gets off the stage. Nobody volunteers. The door behind them swings open and they turn around, revealing Hank standing there. Hank walks up to the stage and grabs the microphone. Hank lets go of the mic and walks to the back of the room, pouring a glass of water from a water cooler and talking to no one as he does. Hank walks over to the Avengers, still drinking his glass. He points at Vision and Janet. He starts pointing to the others. He points at Moon Knight. Moon Knight says nothing. Jessica reaches for his mask and Moon Knight grabs her arm. Hank nods. Janet grabs Hank and starts walking off with him. Janet takes Hank outside and takes her mask off and removes his helmet. Janet says nothing. Janet gives him his helmet and the two walk back inside. When they do, it's revealed the Avengers are gathered around a man and woman who are sadly looking at the ground. Everyone is taken aback by the mention of his name. Hank notices that Janet is looking at him judgmentally. Hank sighs. Hank smiles but it instantly cuts to him softly banging his head against a wall. Hanks bangs his head against the wall one last time and then stops and stays leaned against the wall. Nobody answers. Hercules crouches down and kneels to nothing. Lightning strikes down and a lightning bolt starts flying across the room. The lightning bolt strikes in front of the Avengers and transforms into a man with a helmet that has wings on it. Hank holds Hermes' hand and everyone else holds each other's hands. He takes off. In seconds, the Avengers are in front of the gates of Hades. Hank turns and Hermes is gone. They enter Hades and walk over to the River Styx, where the ferryman, Charon, is humming to himself while sitting on his boat. Hank walks up to him and clears his throat to get his attention. They get on Charon's boat and his boat starts levitating. He sails them through the air and into a complete dark abyss. A massive warp portal opens up and Charon sails through it. When they come out on the other side, Charon's boat disappears, and the Avengers all fall on the ground in what appears to be a small medieval lounge. The Avengers get up, revealing they're surrounded by all of the embodiments of death throughout the Marvel universe. Hank walks over and stands on a table, yelling at all of the deaths. A skeletal hand raises from the back of the room. All of the other entities of death move out of the way to make room for their ringleader: Mistress Death. Hank walks over to her. She offers him a seat and he sits with her. Mistress Death points at the Avengers. Hank shoos them away and they temporarily walk into the hallway outside the lounge. She bursts into laughter. Mistress Death thinks about it for a bit. She picks up a cup and takes a sip out of it.
 * Woman in Black: You awake yet?
 * Girl: ...Where's my mommy...?
 * Woman in Black: Don't worry about her. I'll take good care of you...
 * Janet: WHAT?! You're giving HIM a team!? What the hell has gotten into you idiots!?
 * Steve: Janet, listen, I know that you don't like him but he's at least trying to change. It doesn't mean you have to like him. In fact, I completely understand if you don't, he's not that great of a guy anymore.
 * Thor: But at least be happy that Sir Pym is at least attempting to be a better person.
 * Janet: Hank Pym is a sociopath who seems like he hates empathy with a burning passion and you decided to give HIM an Avengers team?!
 * Steve: He expected you to say that and because of that he picked the hardest to control team he could.
 * Janet: What?
 * Thor: If he manages to lead a chaotic team properly then there's no question that he's willing to change, right? After all, if he weren't ready to change then he'd surely snap at his team and make it fall apart. Correct?
 * Steve: The team consists of Moon Knight, Vision, Spider-Woman, She-Hulk, and Hercules.
 * Janet: ...I still don't trust him.
 * Steve: Neither does he. That's why he picked his final member. You.
 * Janet: Wha... me?! Why me?!
 * Thor: If he ever goes off the rails then someone like you will be more than willing to call him out on it and talk him out of his psychosis.
 * Janet: ...What if this is just a sick, twisted plan to try and get me to marry him again?!
 * Steve: Jan, that's ridiculous...
 * Janet: ...Fine. I'll be his goddamn caretaker...
 * Steve: For what it's worth, Jan... I'm sorry that you have to do this.
 * Hercules: Uh... hi... I'm Hercules for people who don't know and... I don't know why I'm here...
 * Janet: Just introduce yourself.
 * Hercules: Hm... well, let's start with the fact that yes, I am, in fact, that Hercules. Son of Zeus and everything. I'm the strongest man in the world--
 * Jessica: What about Hulk?
 * Hercules: I repeat: Strongest man in the world. And, just to end this with a little fun fact, my favorite color is orange.
 * Janet: Alright, who wants to go on stage next?
 * Janet: Seriously?
 * Jennifer: Where's Hank?
 * Vision: Mr. Pym informed me that he'll be running late. He sounded disturbed while talking to me.
 * Jessica: Do you know what freaked him out?
 * Vision: I do not.
 * Jessica: Why didn't you ask?
 * Vision: He didn't tell me to ask him so I didn't.
 * Janet: Of course you didn't... Oh my god, it's been ten minutes and everything's already a disaster...
 * Hank: I'm Hank Pym. You may know me by the name Yellowjacket but in more recent years I've started calling myself Ant-Man again. I am the tenth smartest man in the world and I'm the inventor of Pym Particles, which allow me to shrink and grow objects to my will. Usually, I use it on myself. My ex-wife, Janet, she's right there, can also use them. I suffer from a somewhat severe case of bipolar disorder and I'm sorry if it affects my relationship with any of you at all. I hope we can get along.
 * Jessica: ...I mean, he seems a little socially awkward but I don't see what people's problem with him is.
 * Hercules: Didn't he put villains in a zoo or something?
 * Vision: According to my research, he was in an accident that exposed him to gas that affected his mind and afterwards he adopted the name "Yellowjacket" and became a criminal and started arresting criminals in a private jail that they couldn't escape.
 * Jessica: What? this guy? there's no way! Look how harmless he is!
 * Hank: Hm...
 * Hank: I know who you two are...
 * Hank: You're Spider-Woman. I heard you had a son recently, congratulations.
 * Jessica: Thanks. Double thanks for not calling me "girl Spider-Man". That happens a lot...
 * Hank: You're Jennifer Walters. You're the cousin of my friend, Bruce and you're a... lawyer, correct?
 * Jennifer: Yep.
 * Hank: That'll come in handy. Avengers members get into a surprising amount of legal problems.
 * Jennifer: Trust me, I know, I've seen half of the guys working for the Avengers in court...
 * Hank: You're Herakles. I don't know a lot about you but I've read some ancient Greek mythology, so I know the basics.
 * Hercules: Hercules is fine. I actually prefer it.
 * Hank: Very sorry, Hercules. And you...
 * Hank: You haven't said a word this entire time and I know the least about your exploits... What's your deal?
 * Jessica: You know... I personally feel more comfortable without my mask than I do with it, maybe you're the same and taking it off will--
 * Moon Knight: DON'T TOUCH MY FACE!
 * Jessica: Geez! Sorry, I guess.
 * Hank: Well, you're talking now at the very least. From what I understand you suffer from multiple mental conditions, correct?
 * Moon Knight: That's what everyone thinks but what people call "D.I.D" and "distorted perceptions of reality" is actually the many parts of my consciousness forming identities for myself in the event I need them. And the "distorted reality" I see is me connecting with my God.
 * Janet: Oh my god...
 * Hank: What did he say that was odd?
 * Janet: What?
 * Hank: You've seen aliens, time travelers, robots, and much more. Why is what Moon Knight said so strange to you?
 * Janet: Does that connect anyway to the supernatural?
 * Hank: You've met Doctor Strange, haven't you?
 * Janet: I mean the extent that Moon Knight here is suffering. It just weirds me out.
 * Moon Knight: I'm telling the truth.
 * Hank: I'm not sure if you are or aren't but I'm willing to at least be open-minded about it. Though that doesn't mean I don't think you should get help. In case you are sick, you should go to a therapist. We have a few therapists who specifically help superheroes. Tony Stark can pay for your bills, so you won't have to worry about money.
 * Moon Knight: ...I feel like if I don't go to the therapist you'll kick me off the team.
 * Hank: As harsh as it is to say, yes.
 * Moon Knight: Fine. I'll go for a week and see how it is. That good enough?
 * Hank: Every day for a year.
 * Moon Knight: Bastard... fine.
 * Janet: Oh, you just... got that guy help...
 * Hank; If anyone else here needs anything at all you can feel free to ask me. I won't be angry at any request you make.
 * Hercules: ...My roommate David and I have been looking for a bigger apartment.
 * Hank: Done.
 * Hercules: You da man!
 * Jessica: It's really expensive to raise a kid, so--
 * Hank: Say no more.
 * Jessica: Epic!
 * Jennifer: Man, they're really laying it on thick with the redemption arc, aren't they?
 * Hercules: Redemption arc? What're you talking about?
 * Jennifer: Nothing. Well, not nothing but... it's hard to explain, okay?
 * Janet: Excuse me a second.
 * Hercules: Aw yeah, they're gonna make smoochie times!
 * Vision: They've been divorced for several years.
 * Hercules: Oh. Oh! Oh, right... I've made it awkward, haven't I?
 * Janet: What's your game, Pym?
 * Hank: Game?
 * Janet: Nobody changes this drastically this fast!
 * Hank: I do. Since I did that miniature prison thing I've had a lot of regrets. I am trying to change. Trying to be a better person. Believe me Janet... please...
 * Hank: ...Can you at least give me my helmet back, please?
 * Hank: What happened?
 * Jessica: Mr. and Mrs. Turner here's daughter has been in a coma for several months and they want us to investigate.
 * Hank: Why did they come to us and not a doctor?
 * Mr. Turner: I... listen... I own a small watch-making business in New York. Well... I don't own it, but I basically run the whole place. The company belongs to my uncle and...
 * Mrs. Turner: He wanted to sell the place. The company is our main way of making money so selling it off would basically render us homeless...
 * Mr. Turner: That's when I made the mistake of saying it... The worst thing you can possibly say... "I'd sell my soul to keep this company"...
 * Hank: And a demon appeared before you.
 * Janet: Don't be silly, demons aren't real.
 * Hercules: I'm Hercules. Like... I'm the guy. Why do you not believe in demons when I'm standing here?
 * Mr. Turner: You're right. A demon lord appeared in front of me... a ruler of Hell... he called himself Mephisto.
 * Mr. Turner: He did what I asked but when it came time to sell my soul to him I refused... so he took my daughter's instead...
 * Mrs. Turner: Please, Avengers... can you help us?
 * Hank: While I'd love to help, I'm not sure we can. This seems more suited for a magic hero, such as Doctor Strange or--
 * Hank: We'll take the case.
 * Mr. Turner: Thank you! We are eternally grateful!
 * Jessica: Wow... he has been doing that for ages.
 * Jennifer: Has he? the time jump didn't make that clear.
 * Jessica: Seriously, what's going on with you?
 * Jennifer: You'll get used to it.
 * Jessica: Okay?
 * Janet: ...Hank?
 * Hank: Well, apparently we're robbing Satan of one of his souls, folks... Who here knows how to get into Hell?
 * Hank: That's about what I thought...
 * Hercules: Wait, I have an idea!
 * Hank: You do?
 * Janet: ...What in the--
 * Jessica: Oh my god!
 * Moon Knight: Kill it!
 * Hank: This better have a good explanation!
 * Hercules: Everyone, meet my brother: the Messanger of the Gods, Hermes Diaktoros!
 * Hermes: Half-brothers.
 * Janet: Assuming Hell is real how would Hermes bring us there? Isn't the Underworld and Hell two different things?
 * Hercules: See, that's where my theory comes in: The ferryman in Hades is an embodiment of death, right? Well maybe, just maybe, he can bring us to a death embodiment who can take us to Hell! ...That's a really weird phrase out of context. "Take me to Hell..."
 * Moon Knight: There were a lot of maybes in that sentence...
 * Hercules: Do you have a better idea?
 * Moon Knight: ...
 * Hercules: Thought so.
 * Hermes: Okay everybody, hold hands and I'll run you there.
 * Hermes: Yep, just like that, great. Sorry if there are a few detours, my father tossed me to Earth in the form of a lightning bolt so my head's a tad fuzzy at the moment. Three, two, one...
 * Hank: Hm... so this is the pla--
 * Hank: --ce... great.
 * Charon: Hm..? Oh, hello, lad What brings you to the River Styx?
 * Hank: We've come here to--
 * Charon: Hercules! So good to see you again! How'd you manage to make it in here without upsettin' the big man, though?
 * Hercules: It's a... long story. To summarize: I helped his son and now he owes me one.
 * Charon: Well, if I'm not mistaken, none of you are dead quite yet, are you? So what exactly brings you down to Hades?
 * Janet: We're here to see if you know how to get to Hell.
 * Charon: Well, Hell ain't exactly my modus operandi. Hades and Hell are similar but they ain't exactly connected.
 * Hank: But you're a death entity. Do you know any others who could get us there?
 * Charon: Hm... what's in it for me?
 * Hank: The respect of an Avenger.
 * Charon: Why does that matter?
 * Hank: Do you know who the Avengers are?
 * Charon: Fair point, fair point... You do realize this means you owe me a favor after this, right?
 * Hank: Whatever it is I'll do it. Just help us.
 * Charon: Brave. But stupid. Yeah, I can get you to a place to meet the death entities. Hop on, lads and lassies!
 * Jessica: Where the hell are you taking us?!
 * Charon: What? You think that all the entities of death are allowed to just hang around in each other's realms? That'd be idiotic!
 * Charon: They all hang around here!
 * Jennifer: At least Deadpool isn't here...
 * Jessica: Why would he be here?
 * Jennifer: Long story.
 * Janet: Do you have any not long stories?
 * Jennifer: Not really.
 * Hank: Who here is the Grim Reaper?! Who here is the Death from the bible said to bring death to the world in the apocalypse?!
 * Hank: So can we--
 * Mistress Death: I prefer to have one-on-one talks rather than worry about other voices interrupting the conversation.
 * Hank: So... you're the Death. The one that predates all the others... I'll be honest, I expected you to be a man.
 * Mistress Death: I trust you aren't disappointed by my lack of a Y chromosome?
 * Hank: Not at all. So... are you omnipotent or do I have to explain why I'm here?
 * Mistress Death: My knowledge is vast but it has gaps.
 * Hank: I'll take that as a yes. To make a long story short, some people in my universe, do I have to specify it's in my universe? are you multiversal?
 * Mistress Death: I am not.
 * Hank: Alright, well, some people hired me because Mephisto took their daughter's soul to Hell and they want it back. So now I have to basically rob the Devil and I want you to basically be the woman who breaks the safe open.
 * Mistress Death: Mephisto is not the Devil himself. He is one of the many demons that formed the history of the Devil but he himself is not the Devil. Tangents aside though, why should I help you? Why shouldn't I just let the child die and allow her to become a part of my ever-growing population of the dead?
 * Hank: Because... because then you'll make an enemy of me.
 * Mistress Death: Did you really just try to intimidate me? I'm not even angry, it's just so funny that you think you'd be able to do that! I don't even know why--
 * Hank: Okay, okay... that was dumb, I'll admit... But... tell me, Death. What happens if a soul is removed from the body?
 * Mistress Death: Eh? Well, in a case like this, the body will age and die but the soul will remain young and belong to the demon who took it.
 * Hank: Hm... Are you aware what you just said proves why you should help me?
 * Mistress Death: ...Pick your next words very carefully, boy.
 * Hank: Yeah, the body's going to die, but does that really matter if the soul doesn't die with it? Can you honestly look me in the eyes and say that the soul dying with the body isn't a big part of death? What Mephisto has done by taking the soul is essentially make her soul eternally youthful and immortal. Instead of killing the body when he took the soul he left the body alive and in a coma as a petty form of revenge. Do you not see why that's a problem for you?
 * Mistress Death: Hm... very well, mortal. I'll "break that safe" for you and allow you to enter Mephisto's realm.
 * Mistress Death: And, if you don't mind my pun... this is going to be one hell... of a heist.