The F**cking Suicide Squad/Fourteen Misfits Sitting In A Cell

Transcript
(DC Logo shows and It begins in Belle Reve as Noah Cutler aka Calculator is writing to himself

Noah: Dear Journal. Hello. first time in prison. Well....what was my crime. Well I'm not very sure because with a name like Calculator you think your a math superhero. But the downside is. I'm not that kind of calculator. You see. My mind is more intelligent than others. using my suit. i can predict any action that occurs. Well unless the one your fighting is dressed in all black and a blue bird on the front of his chest. After I was captured i was brought in a cell and here i am. If my past is reading this journal. Beware yourself buddy. don't fuck up the way i did.

(finishes writing as suddenly his cell opens, revealing Rick Flag and Amanda Waller.)

Noah: Welp., guess this here's the end of me. even if i just got into prison.

Rick: Congrats, welcome to Task Force X.

Noah: Task Force X?!

Amanda: Never heard of it?

Rick: Most people nickname it, the Suicide Squad.

Noah: Suicide Squad?! What do you just enter a ring with random people and they have to shoot themselves for fun?! And the victor has to commit suicide to?!

Amanda: You want to get out of prison right?

Noah: Duh.

Amanda: If you join Task Force X, if you succeed in the mission, you will get reduced sentences. But there is a high risk of death.

Noah: Hmm...reduced sentences but high risk of getting my face blown or rot in this cell until i get released...hmmm how long is my sentence?!

Amanda: Five decades. But I can make it far longer. Do we have a deal?

Noah: Deal.

Rick: Right this way rookie.

(Noah gets up and starts following Rick and Amanda as they stop by the cell of Rose Canton aka Thorn as she is currently in her Rose personality crying)

Rick: Stay back Cuttler. She's dangerous.

Noah: She doesn't look dangerous.

Rick: She suffers from multiple personalities.

Noah: Maybe i can try and talk to her.

Rick: Heh. Good luck that there is Rose Forrest AKA Thorn she's a very dangerous woman you don't even wanna mess with. I say don't talk to her.

Noah: But she's crying!

Rick: Fine if you wanna try and talk to her. it's your funeral.

(Rick opens the jail cell and lets Noah in.)

Amanda: Rick are you sure we can d-

(Rick inturupts her)

Rick: Hold on. Hold on. let's see how this plays out.

(Noah walks slowly up to her)

Noah: H..Hi...Are you ok miss?

Rose: Leave me alone. I'm a monster.

Noah: No, you're not.

Rose: I have this personality I can't control. It wants to hurt people.

Noah: Then don't let it hurt people. hey come on. Oprah and her little buddy Will Hunting over there tell us were in a team called The Suicide Squad and letting us meet the other memberss here. So I'll make you a deal. You come with us. And I'll try and help you control your personality.

Rose: uhhh…. (Suddenly her eyes turn green as she becomes the Thorn personality) Do I get to kill?

Noah: What?

Rick: I told you, split personalities.

Noah: Ohh..well you were right. (holds hand out) Easy...Easy Rose was it come on I know your in there,

Thorn: Do I get to kill shitface?

Noah: Ummm sure.

Thorn: Then sure, I'm in.

(she walks with them and sees the other prisoners as the other potential members of the Squad are all having lunch)


 * Thorn: All of these guys look like idiots.

Rick: We’ll let you two take it from here me and Amanda has some work to do

(Rick and Amanda leave as Noah and Thorn sit at the table as Clock King sits next to them)


 * Clock King: You two the last recruits? It is about time you two came.
 * Thorn: Did you just make a clock pun?
 * Clock King: Oh I'm sorry, did that tick you off? I kid. The names Fuggott. Temple Fuggott

”Looks at stopwatch”

Clock King: I see you have arrived at the cafeteria and sat down at 12:01. You were only a minute late  But we ronde view

Thorn: Is your thing just time?

Clock King: Precisely.

Thorn: I hate you.

Noah: So your just That riddle guy but with time?

Clock King: And you're a walking calculator.

Noah: Touché.

(A shadowy big figure with big loud footsteps approaches Noah Clock King and Thorn he at first looks like he is angry and about two smash the three)

King Shark: Hey,, New recruits oh man I love me some new people to see. Can I join you guys.

Thorn: No.

Noah: Sure.

Clock King: No problem with me.

(he sits between the three)

King Shark: Sweet. something tells me we are gonna be some good friends!!!

Thorn: I am surrounded by dumbasses.

(Suddenly Rainbow Creature sits at the table)

Rainbow Creature: Rainbow Creature make friends?

King Shark: Awww snap! Get in here. (King Shark pulls out his phone) I'm gonna add everybody here who has Insty

Noah: So Jaws.

King Shark: Oh sorry Jaws was my father the names King Shark.

Noah: Right, How did you end up in here?

King Shark: Oh I didn't commit a crime, I'm just here to make besties thats all. Oh also I ate a man.

Rainbow Creature: Rainbow Creature punched Superman.

Noah: Ok then. What about you Thorn?

Thorn: Rose, my original personality, was abused, mistreated. I was formed to protect her. I may have got carried away and killed a few hundred people but that's just life.

Clock King: I created an elaborate evil scheme about trapping Green Artow on a ticking clock that when it struck midnight he died.

Noah: Wow

(Meanwhile Rick meets up with Amanda

Amanda: How are the new recruits getting along? Rick: I assume it's going well.

Amanda: Good. (she looks at a picture on the original suicide squad) Rick, There's something I have to tell you. We've always been leading this team for quite so long. I always gave them their word if they did these missions they would have their sentence in jail reduced. And i always let you watch over the team. With that said. I want you to fully take over and run The Suicide Squad.

Rick: I'm flattered.

Amanda: speaking of the original Squad, I have a surprise.

(She opens a cell as Captain Boomerang shows himself)

Digger: Ah! Dick Fagg! We meet again!

Rick: Don't call me that.

Amanda: He's gonna be part of the team again. (whispers to Rick) We will discuss more on our talk later Rick George head to the cafeteria the other members will be waiting inside.

Digger: Don't call me George, Whoopi Goldberg.

(He heads to the cafeteria))

Rick: So. what are ya gonna do with you not becoming head of running The Suicide Squad.

Amanda: I have some ideas.

(Meanwhile Digger heads in to meet the other members as he sees the Turtle, Kaleidoscope and KGBeast getting food)

Digger: Who are you three supposed to be?

KGBeast: Ah. Fresh meat,

Digger: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING FRESH?! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?

Kaleidoscope: A random Australian guy?

Digger: I AM CAPTAIN BOOMERANG! I WAS DOING DEATH MISSIONS SINCE WHEN YOU THREE WERE FREE! I AM NOT FUCKING FRESH MEAT!

KGBeast: Easy Kano, Were just messing with you. We know who you are.

Digger: You better be or else this boomerang would have already been in your skull.

Kaleidoscope: Yeahh this just got bizarre...so what are you two in for?

KGBeast: I broke Batman's back.

Digger: Wasn't that Bane who did it?

KGBeast: I did it better.

Kaleidoscope: Hallucination stuff

Digger: What?

Kaleidoscope: I did hallucination stuff.

Digger: Oh. What about this weird old man?

Turtle: I'm not old. I look like this because thats how I'm supposed to look

Digger: What?

Turtle: I can slow down time. But time has to catch up someday.